{"id":1078,"date":"2017-12-26T04:59:47","date_gmt":"2017-12-25T22:59:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/?p=1078"},"modified":"2024-12-06T00:46:24","modified_gmt":"2024-12-05T18:46:24","slug":"being-sick-on-christmas-is-no-fun-but-here-we-go","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/?p=1078","title":{"rendered":"BEING SICK ON CHRISTMAS IS NO FUN…BUT HERE WE GO."},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, it’s Christmas Day, December 25th, 2017 and I’m sick.\u00a0 \"SantaI woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat that doesn’t allow me to swallow and has basically caused my throat to close.<\/strong> I was up most of the night feeling worse, didn’t even see Santa Claus, I think he slipped in when I was in the bathroom expectorating, and then felt extremely double dog worse than worse this morning.\u00a0 I had been trying cold medication and lozenges but nothing was working and I was starving and could not swallow to eat or drink.\u00a0 I gave in to my wife and allowed her to take me to the local hospital.\u00a0 I was in and out in under an hour; go figure it’s not busy on Christmas Day.\u00a0 I have a viral infection in my throat and ears that required steroids and Tylenol.\u00a0 We got home about 10am to open presents with the kids and then I went for a nap.\u00a0 My wife and kids have gone to my parents for Christmas dinner and I’m writing this blahg.\u00a0 So much for my Christmas and breaking my 55 year record of never ending up at the hospital on Christmas Day.\u00a0 It better be a hell of a good New Year!\u00a0 <\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I can’t really talk right now so instead I’m just going to post many photos of the decorations outside and inside my house.\u00a0 We’ve had about 16 inches of snow and it’s beautiful outside.\u00a0 I hope this adds to your Christmas enjoyment.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

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And now after all that snow:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

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And now for the inside of the house.\u00a0 Nutcrackers, mantle display, and the nativity.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

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\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Remember to click on the photos for larger images.\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I managed to dash off a new Christmas story this year as well.\u00a0 It follows after a fun Christmas song by the late great Stompin’ Tom Connors.\u00a0 The song sums up my feelings about how tough it is to be sick at Christmas.\u00a0 The story is just for fun.\u00a0 MERRY CHRISTMAS!
\n<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

DOWN ON CHRISTMAS:<\/h4>\n\nhttp:\/\/www.falseducks.com\/theblahg\/audiofiles\/STdownonchristmas.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

JACK\u2019S CHRISTMAS LIST<\/strong><\/h3>\n

It was that time again, not Christmas, but the time when Jack\u2019s wife began to nag him about making a Christmas list.<\/h3>\n

\u201cHoney,\u201d she began, as if qualifying her request with endearment made it sound any less nagging, \u201cI still need you to make your Christmas list.\u201d\u00a0 There was a tone that implied \u2018still\u2019 meant she had asked before and was getting tired of asking.<\/h3>\n

\u201cGive me peace!\u201d he snapped back.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t intended to snap at all but he realized he had been asked before and some guilt and some annoyance all mixed together were leading his tongue.<\/h3>\n

The look on his wife\u2019s face was now more than annoyance about failure of the list to materialize but now encompassed a further annoyance with Jack and his response.<\/h3>\n

\u201cI mean World Peace,\u201d he quickly added. \u201cGive me World Peace.\u00a0 World Peace is always at the top of my wish list.\u201d<\/h3>\n

\u201cNice save, Jack,\u201d the endearment had been dropped, \u201cbut I still want your list.\u201d<\/h3>\n

It couldn\u2019t be avoided now.\u00a0 Every year it was the same thing.\u00a0 Jack held out as long as he could before giving in to making a list.\u00a0 And every year his wife had to poke and prod him into the action of sitting down and putting pen to paper.<\/h3>\n

It wasn\u2019t that Jack didn\u2019t like or even wanted to make a Christmas list.\u00a0 He just didn\u2019t see the necessity of it all.\u00a0 He\u2019d ask for something and it would be the wrong item or the wrong colour or the wrong size.\u00a0 His wife wasn\u2019t much of an online shopper and Jack was sure to get whatever she could find locally and always a poor substitute to what he had put on the list.\u00a0 So Jack couldn\u2019t really see the point in it.<\/h3>\n

Jack loved Christmas.\u00a0 It was his favourite time of the year.\u00a0 He indulged himself early in the music and movies and the television specials that always brought a lump to his throat and caused him to cough and clear his throat and blame it on whatever he was eating or drinking at the time; even if his hand or mouth was empty.<\/h3>\n

Jack really enjoyed the giving part and not so much the getting.\u00a0 He would always look for that perfect gift for his wife or his children.\u00a0 He would always recall something they had mentioned throughout the year, and if it wasn\u2019t purchased for birthdays or some other reason, he would find it for Christmas.\u00a0 He was a savvy online shopper, unlike his wife, and he\u2019d order early, intercept the mail, and hide it somewhere until Christmas rolled around and he could wrap it and place it under the tree.<\/h3>\n

Even getting the tree was an event for Jack.\u00a0 It had to be a real tree and it became an event to trek out to the Christmas Tree farm and walk and search until the perfect tree was found.\u00a0 His wife would always choose the first tree she saw that was half decent.\u00a0 It would always be too fat or too scrawny or not tall enough.\u00a0 It was the same old argument about the star not having enough clearance from the top of the tree to the ceiling.\u00a0 Jack always meant to measure his ceiling height and know the exact height required with star clearance.\u00a0 It was always his thought to carry a measuring tape with him to the farm and produce that tool with a knowing chuckle and a bad pun something along \u201clet\u2019s see dear, how your tree really measures up.\u201d\u00a0 He never did it because it might have bordered on being hurtful even though he thought it was funny.<\/h3>\n

Jack also had his outdoor Christmas display.\u00a0 The house was festooned with Christmas lights and the lawn sported more inflatable holiday characters each year.\u00a0 The first Saturday in December he\u2019d be outside assembling and plugging and swearing if something failed to inflate or light.\u00a0 Most of the family left him to it because it was safer that way.\u00a0 The children used to help but when they got older it seemed to get colder and they\u2019d rather be inside and wait until it was all done.\u00a0 Jack would gather them together when it was dark and everything could be seen properly.\u00a0 He took great pride in the display.\u00a0 It was another part of his Christmas tradition.\u00a0 Making a Christmas list however just didn\u2019t seem to fit into his annual Christmas plans.<\/h3>\n

Jack looked over at his wife.\u00a0 She wasn\u2019t looking back at him now.\u00a0 She was caught up in her reading and Jack was spared for the moment from her imploring stare.\u00a0 There was no getting out of it, he\u2019d have to make the list.<\/h3>\n

Jack got up and made for the garage.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m going to the garage,\u201d he quickly added, so his wife wouldn\u2019t wonder what he was up to.\u00a0 The garage was where Jack did some of his best thinking.\u00a0 She wouldn\u2019t normally follow him there.<\/h3>\n

On his way through to the garage he stopped in the kitchen and snatched up a pen and tore off a couple sheets from his wife\u2019s note pad held by a magnet on the fridge.\u00a0 It was Christmas themed with an appropriate \u201cChristmas To Do List.\u201d\u00a0 Jack also snatched up a couple of his wife\u2019s Christmas cookies that she had recently baked and left to cool on the counter.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t think she\u2019d miss them and besides he needed strength if he was going to make his list.<\/h3>\n

In the garage, Jack sat at this work bench and looked around for inspiration.\u00a0 There wasn\u2019t much for inspiration.\u00a0 He could mostly spy his tools.\u00a0 He had more than he knew what to do with and Birthdays and Father\u2019s Day and Christmas always brought more.<\/h3>\n

\u201cWell, I know what\u2019s not going on my list,\u201d he said to himself.\u00a0 \u201cI should just write NO TOOLS in big capital letters.\u00a0 Maybe then they\u2019ll get the message.\u201d<\/h3>\n

Jack stopped to think on what he had just said.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t the part about seeming ungrateful and wanting no more tools this Christmas but he really intrigued himself with the thought of putting something on his list that he really didn\u2019t want.\u00a0 Maybe that would also work for the things that he really did want.\u00a0 He was amused by this.\u00a0 If he made it clear what he wanted or didn\u2019t want then there would be no mistake.<\/h3>\n

Jack stared down at the first note sheet.\u00a0 It was after all a Christmas To Do List.\u00a0 And all he had to do was make his list his way.<\/h3>\n

\u201cFirst we\u2019ll start with World Peace,\u201d he said aloud to no one in particular.\u00a0 \u201cI told her that World Peace is always at the top of my list.\u201d\u00a0 Jack wrote down World Peace.<\/h3>\n

\u201cNow for the useless presents,\u201d Jack continued.\u00a0 \u201cSocks and Underwear.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got just as many of those as I do tools.\u201d\u00a0 Jack thought about this for a minute and then wrote down \u2018Socks and Underwear\u2019.\u00a0 He added in brackets, \u2018the colourful the better because no one ever sees them beneath my shoes and pants.\u2019\u00a0 He always got socks and underwear for Christmas and this way he was giving in to that.\u00a0\u00a0 He didn\u2019t really need any but why not give permission with his own twist.<\/h3>\n

Next Jack wrote down \u2018NO TOOLS\u2019.\u00a0 He wrote those two words out in big block letters and underlined them.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t have been clearer.<\/h3>\n

Jack grabbed at one of the cookies.\u00a0 His wife made the best chocolate chip cookies.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t matter that they weren\u2019t really Christmas cookies.\u00a0 At Christmas he loved most his wife\u2019s chocolate chip cookies and the obligatory Toblerone bar he found in his stocking.\u00a0 It was one of Jack\u2019s favourites and his wife and children never forgot to get him one each year.\u00a0 Unfortunately Toblerone was everyoneelse\u2019s favourite and by the time Jack was finished sharing his, he usually only ended up with one piece.\u00a0 One piece out of nine didn\u2019t seem fair but Jack never complained.\u00a0 It was Christmas and he knew that giving was part of the holidays.<\/h3>\n

Jack saw the inspiration in this and wrote down \u2018one piece of Toblerone\u2019.\u00a0 Again he used brackets afterwards to add \u2018share the other pieces among yourselves because I\u2019m lucky only to get one regardless\u2019.<\/h3>\n

\u201cThere, that\u2019s coming along nicely,\u201d he mused.\u00a0 He gave a chuckle about the Toblerone addition and began to think of more that he could add to his list that would give him pleasure.<\/h3>\n

Jack read over his list.\u00a0 He read it again.\u00a0 He read it a few more times.\u00a0 He was stuck.\u00a0 He eyed the other cookie.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t provide inspiration this time.\u00a0 He read his list at least five more times.\u00a0 At this length it certainly was no novel.<\/h3>\n

\u201cA book,\u201d Jack uttered.\u00a0 \u201cWhat about a book?\u201d\u00a0 What about a book? Jack was an avid reader when he could find something that interested him.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t like new novels.\u00a0 He enjoyed the classics or biographies, or history, or how to books.\u00a0 What could he put on the list that was clear and concise?\u00a0 He\u2019d been given books before that he hadn\u2019t read but sometimes he\u2019d receive something that would be good.\u00a0 He had at least a half a shot at getting something readable.<\/h3>\n

\u2018A book,\u2019 he wrote.\u00a0 \u2018Nothing in particular.\u00a0 You know what I like.\u2019\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t as clear and concise as he hoped it would be but he liked the odds that it might be something decent.\u00a0 At least he\u2019d be surprised if nothing else.<\/h3>\n

\u2018A record,\u2019 he wrote next.\u00a0 Jack was an avid record collector.\u00a0 He was a huge Dixieland Jazz fan He always bought up any Dixieland Jazz record he found at yard sales or thrift shops.\u00a0 They weren\u2019t always good but getting something for Christmas that he would enjoy were the same odds as the book.\u00a0 He added \u2018No Disco\u2019.\u00a0 He felt he didn\u2019t need to specify the desire for Dixieland Jazz because his family knew his interests when it came to music but like the tools, he believed it necessary to stress No Disco.<\/h3>\n

Jack snatched the last cookie.\u00a0 He was proud of himself.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a long list but then he didn\u2019t want it to be a long list.\u00a0 A long list would suggest that he gave great thought to the list and that he\u2019d taken it seriously.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want that.\u00a0 He really didn\u2019t want anything.\u00a0 The making of this list was more a rebellion of sorts against the making of a list at all.\u00a0 The only thing he wanted was to have a nice Christmas with the family.<\/h3>\n

\u2018A nice Christmas with my family,\u2019 he added at the end.\u00a0 That was the only thing he wanted on his list.\u00a0 Each year Christmas was a good gathering of his wife and his kids with Jack grinning like a fool in his element.\u00a0 Jack could recall the past Christmases and he liked to look back on them as fond and warm memories.\u00a0 That was all he really wanted.<\/h3>\n

Jack grabbed up his list and headed back into the house.\u00a0 He\u2019d place it on the refrigerator where his wife would find it.\u00a0 As a last effort, he scrawled \u2018JACK\u2019S LIST\u2019 in block letters.\u00a0 Like the NO TOOLS, he triple underlined the words.<\/h3>\n

He grabbed up a couple more cookies and headed off to find the family photo albums.\u00a0 He was feeling a little sentimental and wanted to look back on past Christmases.\u00a0 He was sure to be grinning in each and every photo.<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

Christmas came and it was everything Jack had hoped for.\u00a0 It started with Christmas Eve and Jack lighting off his traditional fireworks.\u00a0 Jack was like a big kid waiting until it got dark and then setting off a stream of colourful little explosions that always drew gawkers at his neighbours\u2019 windows.\u00a0 He wife and children liked the fireworks too but truth be told they were glad when it was over so they could go back inside and warm up.\u00a0 Jack didn\u2019t care.\u00a0 It made him happy and maybe it brought cheer to his family and his neighbourhood too.<\/h3>\n

The rest of Christmas Eve was spent watching old Christmas movies or re-running family home videos of past Christmases.\u00a0 There was always a mini-feast around ten with everyone toasting the Christmas with eggnog or ginger ale.\u00a0 Jack didn\u2019t allow anything heavier over the holidays.\u00a0 That wasn\u2019t what Christmas was all about.\u00a0 Christmas was about these family moments and making new memories.<\/h3>\n

Christmas morning consisted of a big breakfast before presents.\u00a0 The menu varied a little each year whether there would be pancakes or waffles or french toast or what fruit everyone wanted.\u00a0 But everyone agreed on bacon.\u00a0 There always had to be bacon.<\/h3>\n

Then came the presents.\u00a0 Jack had noticed a couple of weeks back that his Christmas list had disappeared from the refrigerator.\u00a0 Now his fate was in the hands of his wife and children.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t really matter though because Christmas for him was the fireworks, the bacon, and all the Christmas cheer he could cram in with his family.\u00a0 There would be new memories and new photos and next year Jack could pull them out and remember it all over again.<\/h3>\n

Jack and his wife usually waited until the children opened their gifts before starting on their own.\u00a0 Jack would pile his wife\u2019s gifts beside her on the sofa and she\u2019d lay his on his lap in his chair.\u00a0 They\u2019d take turns but this year his wife insisted that Jack go last.\u00a0 Jack wasn\u2019t sure what to think of this but he\u2019d made his list and the rest of the show was going to be determined by his wife.<\/h3>\n

The children enjoyed their gifts and Jack\u2019s wife found Jack to be more than thoughtful and generous with the presents he had provided for her and the children.\u00a0 The camera flashed throughout; preserving the moments.<\/h3>\n

Next up were Jack\u2019s gifts.\u00a0 His wife insisted that everyone stop and observe Jack opening them.\u00a0 Again Jack was not sure what to think of all this.<\/h3>\n

The first Christmas present was large and square.\u00a0 It was very light and something appeared to be loose inside.\u00a0 Jack tore away the paper to find a jigsaw puzzle picturing the world.\u00a0 Inside was one piece.<\/h3>\n

Jack stared at this wife.<\/h3>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s World Piece,\u201d his wife said.\u00a0 \u201cGet it?\u00a0 Well, maybe you will, I mean the rest of the pieces, if you\u2019re a good boy.\u201d<\/h3>\n

Jack wasn\u2019t grinning yet.\u00a0 Maybe his list wasn\u2019t as creative as he thought it would be.\u00a0 In fact, he wondered if it might backfire on him.<\/h3>\n

Next up were the useless presents.\u00a0 The socks were two toned.\u00a0 The upper half were one colour and the bottoms another.<\/h3>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry about it Jack,\u201d his wife quipped, \u201cno one sees the top parts underneath your pants.\u201d<\/h3>\n

Jack gulped.\u00a0 He was in for it now.\u00a0 Opening the next package, he found that the requested underwear were his own.\u00a0 His wife had taken the four or five pairs of his boxers that had ripped at the seams and had stitched them nicely so you couldn\u2019t tell they\u2019d been torn.\u00a0 They were also freshly laundered.\u00a0 She was very considerate.<\/h3>\n

\u201cI know,\u201d Jack stammered, \u201cno one sees them underneath your pants.\u201d\u00a0 His wife was taking his list way to literally.<\/h3>\n

\u201cReach into your stocking dear,\u201d his wife instructed.<\/h3>\n

Jack emptied the contents of his stocking onto the floor.\u00a0 There were more two-toned socks, some lottery tickets, about a dozen of his wife\u2019s best cookies nicely wrapped in Christmas cellophane, some candies, an orange, and the unmistakable Toblerone.\u00a0 This Toblerone however was lighter than it should be.\u00a0 Jack grinned.\u00a0 At least she got this right.\u00a0 His wife and children had probably taken their pieces and left him the obligatory one piece.\u00a0 He was partly correct.\u00a0 Inside were three pieces.\u00a0 The tradition of the chocolate was that the letters for TOBLERONE were spelled across the nine pieces.\u00a0 Jack found in the box, three pieces.\u00a0 It was the last three pieces of the TOBLERONE that spelled ONE.\u00a0 For once he had come out ahead.\u00a0 Maybe this Christmas list thing would work out after all.<\/h3>\n

The next gift was hard and rectangular.\u00a0 It was a Tool Box.\u00a0 It was also empty inside<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u201cThe next time you ask for No Tools,\u201d his wife laughed, \u201cyou can keep them in your No Tools Tool Box.\u201d<\/h3>\n

Jack got the joke.\u00a0 His wife had a better sense of humour than he gave her credit for.<\/h3>\n

Jack got a book.\u00a0 Like the Tool Box, there was nothing inside.<\/h3>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s called a Nothing Book,\u201d his wife explained.\u00a0 \u201cYou write down whatever you want inside.\u00a0 You said Nothing in particular in that is Nothing in particular.\u00a0 I do know what you like.\u201d<\/h3>\n

Jack was getting into it now.\u00a0 He had been too literal and his wife was taking him on his words.<\/h3>\n

Jack got a record.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t exactly Disco and it wasn\u2019t exactly Dixieland.\u00a0 It was a Discoland Jazz record.\u00a0 His wife had ordered it over the internet.\u00a0 She was full of surprises.\u00a0 Jack would learn on playing it that the record was surprising good.\u00a0 Later that day and in ensuring years he would play it as the family was sitting down to Christmas dinner.<\/h3>\n

Jack surveyed his gifts.\u00a0 His wife had bested him.\u00a0 He thought he had been smart in the way he had made out his list.\u00a0 His wife had been smarter and had taught him a lesson.\u00a0 She had really enjoyed getting everything Jack had on his list.\u00a0 That was what Jack had forgotten this Christmas.\u00a0 As much as he enjoyed the Christmas gifts he gave each year, his wife enjoyed giving to him as well.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t matter if they were the useless gifts or even tools, his wife always got him something.\u00a0 She knew it wasn\u2019t about the gifts, it was about the time with family.\u00a0 If getting gifts he didn\u2019t really want made her happy then what she had put him through this year was worth it.<\/h3>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s one more, Jack.\u201d\u00a0 His wife reached out with another gift.<\/h3>\n

Jack wasn\u2019t sure what could be left.\u00a0 He\u2019d received everything on his list.\u00a0 The only other thing that had been on his list was \u2018a nice Christmas with my family\u2019 and he\u2019d already received that.\u00a0 In fact, he was still receiving it.<\/h3>\n

Jack found his fingers were trembling slightly as he opened the last gift.\u00a0 It was a small photo album.\u00a0 On each page was a picture of Jack grinning like a fool.\u00a0 They\u2019d been culled from other albums and featured Jack from Birthdays, Father\u2019s Days, Anniversaries, and past Christmases.<\/h3>\n

Jack felt that lump in his throat like those from watching his Christmas specials.\u00a0 He coughed to clear his throat and tried to blame it on the Toblerone but he hadn\u2019t even tasted it yet.\u00a0 He looked up at his family and grinned.<\/h3>\n

The flash of a camera went off and Jack could hear his wife exclaim, \u201cthis one\u2019s going in the book.\u201d<\/h3>\n

Jacked grinned again.\u00a0 The grin faded to a smile and the smile didn\u2019t leave his face for the rest of that Christmas day.<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

THE END<\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, it’s Christmas Day, December 25th, 2017 and I’m sick.\u00a0 I woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat that doesn’t allow me to swallow and has basically caused my throat to close. I was up most of the night feeling worse, didn’t even see Santa Claus, I think he slipped in when I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1078"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1078"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1078\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6532,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1078\/revisions\/6532"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1078"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1078"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1078"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}