{"id":1566,"date":"2020-01-01T01:23:38","date_gmt":"2019-12-31T19:23:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/?p=1566"},"modified":"2021-06-19T20:09:49","modified_gmt":"2021-06-19T14:09:49","slug":"it-will-be-okay","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/?p=1566","title":{"rendered":"IT WILL BE OKAY!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, it&#8217;s the last day of December in 2019 and tomorrow starts a new year.\u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/Scott123119.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-1567\" src=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/Scott123119-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"Scott Henderson still cool in 2019\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" srcset=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/Scott123119-300x225.jpg 300w, http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/Scott123119.jpg 320w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a>I can honestly say that I&#8217;ll be glad to see this year done.\u00a0 It has not been a stellar year and I&#8217;m hoping 2020 will be much better.\u00a0 Part of me believes that even numbered years are luckier.\u00a0 My wife, my three children, and I were all born in even numbered years but that&#8217;s probably all a coincidence.\u00a0 There&#8217;s no jinx but with the start of a New Year I&#8217;m hoping things will improve.\u00a0 This blahg will look back on some things and look forward to some things.\u00a0 2020 will be what I make it.\u00a0 After all, isn&#8217;t foresight 2020?\u00a0 Go with me on this one.\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It was a year ago tomorrow that I took that polar dip into Lake Ontario.\u00a0 Here&#8217;s the video recap:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/5cPtcBmcqJA\" width=\"450\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">\ufeff<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">I thought I was ready for 2019 but the coldness of Lake Ontario was only the first shock to my reality.\u00a0 My Father would pass away less than three weeks later.\u00a0 In February there would be a homicide at work, in April I began a long road with a mysterious illness.\u00a0 I continued to suffer with my physical health and my mental health took a toll as well.\u00a0 I experienced grief and depression and those plagued me throughout the year.\u00a0 I even had a breakdown on Christmas Eve.\u00a0 I was overwhelmed, I was sick, I was missing my Dad, and it all got to me.\u00a0 My wife, Jeanette, just held me and got me through it all.\u00a0 Christmas was good.\u00a0 The kids were home and we had a good time.\u00a0 Too short though.\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I can&#8217;t say that 2019 was all bad.\u00a0 My daughter Emily got married to Charlie:\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/EmCh2.jpg\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1570\" src=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/EmCh2-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"318\" height=\"478\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">It was a wonderful wedding and certainly the highlight of 2019.\u00a0 It kept me grounded for a long time.\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I don&#8217;t really want to rehash the whole year.\u00a0 I&#8217;ve written about my illness in other blahgs in 2019 and about my grief regarding the passing of my Father.\u00a0 Let me just speak some other truths.\u00a0 I&#8217;ve been suffering.\u00a0 My mental health has had its challenges.\u00a0 I&#8217;ve had real bouts of depression and I&#8217;m scared of what comes next with my physical health.\u00a0 The bout I had before Christmas, prior to my prostate biopsy, was really bad when I had to go off my medication.\u00a0 I did not realize how far the inflammation or whatever this is had progressed and that caused me to get the flu over the Christmas holidays.\u00a0 This caused some depression.\u00a0 I&#8217;m not sure what 2020 will bring.\u00a0 I&#8217;m waiting for the results of the biopsy and I have to see the specialist in Kingston a week from today.\u00a0 Look for future blahgs on my health updates.\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 2019 saw me want to run away.\u00a0 I hated what was happening to me.\u00a0 I hated doing my job and living my life.\u00a0 I just wanted to run away to a secluded beach somewhere with someone who wasn&#8217;t involved in all of this.\u00a0 I wanted someone who would listen to me and take care of me and keep me distracted.\u00a0 It was a selfish dream and I don&#8217;t know if I would have taken it if it was offered to me.\u00a0 They say what doesn&#8217;t kill you makes you stronger.\u00a0 I don&#8217;t know about that.\u00a0 I don&#8217;t feel stronger.\u00a0 I feel different.\u00a0<img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft \" src=\"https:\/\/image.cagle.com\/173451\/750\/173451.png\" alt=\"Polar Dip is no fantasy\" width=\"403\" height=\"278\" \/> I&#8217;m not the same person who plunged into the water on January 1st, 2019.\u00a0 I&#8217;m more afraid and desperate for answers and that beach fantasy.\u00a0 The beach at North Beach on Lake Ontario in January is no fantasy, let me tell you.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I keep thinking that my life is a fake.\u00a0 I remember when I went to University and I thought I shouldn&#8217;t be there because I wasn&#8217;t as good as everyone else.\u00a0 I wanted to be a Teacher and that never panned out.\u00a0 I managed to fool Trent University into letting me have a Bachelor of Arts Degree in English Literature but I never could crack the front door of Teacher&#8217;s College.\u00a0 I did do some teaching while I was at Youthdale but even then I thought I was faking my way through it and they were going to catch up with it.\u00a0 In fact, I&#8217;ve had so many jobs over the past thirty years that I think I keep on fooling every employer I have.\u00a0 I just keep doing my best and dazzling them with my right hand while I&#8217;m doing slight of hand with my left.\u00a0 I probably shouldn&#8217;t give away that trade secret.\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Look at my other life goals.\u00a0 I wanted to be a writer as well.\u00a0 I keep on writing but I don&#8217;t think anyone&#8217;s reading my fiction or my other entertainments.\u00a0 Dead From The Neck Up went nowhere but I keep a website dedicated to it like it&#8217;s going to get a resurgence.\u00a0 In fact my falseducks.com website is dedicated to past things I&#8217;ve done nothing further with.\u00a0 How sad is that?\u00a0 I only keep it around as a testament to what I&#8217;m capable of and what interests me.\u00a0 Probably no one checks out my website and nobody reads these blahgs.\u00a0 Again, how sad is that?\u00a0 And I wonder why my mental health has had its challenges? <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This past year I also took over posting &#8220;THIS DATE IN SINATRA HISTORY&#8221; for a Yahoo Group I belong to.\u00a0 The previous moderator disappeared mysteriously and there had been no new posts for almost six months.\u00a0 I revived it because I didn&#8217;t want to see it die.\u00a0 So, each day I dig through past posts and corrections to post things related to Frank Sinatra for a particular day.\u00a0 For example, here&#8217;s part of what I posted for December 31st\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<div>\n<div id=\"ygrp-mlmsg\">\n<div id=\"ygrp-msg\">\n<div id=\"ygrp-text\">\n<h5><\/h5>\n<h4><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b>Studio<\/b><\/span><\/h4>\n<h4><b>none<\/b><\/h4>\n<h4><span style=\"font-size: large;\">Radio<br \/>\n<\/span>1941 Hollywood Palladium New Year&#8217;s Eve show<\/h4>\n<h4><b><\/b>Wednesday evening<br \/>\nNetwork: NBC<br \/>\nTommy Dorsey &amp; His Orch<br \/>\n1. I&#8217;m Getting Sentimental Over You<br \/>\n2. What Is This Thing Called Love Jo Stafford<br \/>\n3. Somebody Loves Me Connie Haines<br \/>\n4. Blues In The Night Frank Sinatra<br \/>\n5. Lana Turner speaks for the USO<br \/>\n6. Swing High<br \/>\ntape incomplete<br \/>\n<i><\/i><\/h4>\n<h4><\/h4>\n<h4><i><\/i><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b>Television<\/b><\/span><\/h4>\n<h4><\/h4>\n<h4><b><\/b><b>1970 Frank And Dean New Years Eve<br \/>\n<\/b>Thursday evening<br \/>\nNetwork: NBC<br \/>\nTime 10:00 PM &#8211; 11:00 PM EST<br \/>\nGuests: Frank Sinatra, Ruth Buzzi, The Goldigger<br \/>\nFrank &amp; Dean medley: Love Is Just Around The Corner\/My Kind Of Girl\/But Beautiful\/ L.O.V.E.\/I Get A Kick Out Of You\/Goody Goody\/Guys And Dolls<br \/>\nFrank &amp; Dean medley: What Is This Thing Called Love\/Did You Ever See A Dream Walking\/ I Can&#8217;t Give You Anything But Love<br \/>\nDean &amp; Ruth Buzzi sketch<br \/>\nDean song parodies<br \/>\nJimmy Durante is the mystery guest behind the door<br \/>\nDean Young At Heart<br \/>\nFrank Something (Lennie Hayton arg.)<br \/>\nFrank, Dean, Ruth Buzzi,Kay Medford New Year&#8217;s Eve sketch<br \/>\nFrank, Dean, Ruth do impressions of famous stars<br \/>\nFrank, Dean &amp; Golddiggers medley<br \/>\nWelcome To My World\/Now Is The Hour\/So Long, It&#8217;s Been<br \/>\nGood To Know You\/Auld Lang Syne<br \/>\nDean signs off<span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b><br \/>\n<\/b><\/span><\/h4>\n<h4><\/h4>\n<h4><span style=\"font-size: large;\"><b>Concerts<\/b><\/span><\/h4>\n<h4><b><\/b><b>1939 Shea Theatre, Buffalo, New York<br \/>\n<\/b>Harry James with Frank Sinatra<br \/>\n<i>Sinatra left James during this engagement<br \/>\n(On Screen:\u00a0 &#8220;Balalaika&#8221; starring Nelson Eddy &amp; Ilona Massey)<\/i><\/h4>\n<h4><\/h4>\n<h4><b>1940 Paramount Theatre, New York City (December 18 &#8211; Jan 14)<br \/>\n<\/b>Tommy Dorsey Orchestra with Frank Sinatra<\/h4>\n<h4><b>1941 Hollywood Palladium, California (12-30-41 thru 2-23-42)<br \/>\n<\/b>Tommy Dorsey Orchestra with Frank Sinatra<\/h4>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">I try to add images and updated information like this one for the <\/span><\/strong><b>1941 Hollywood Palladium, California :<\/b><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/63ba071.jpg\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-4867\" src=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/63ba071-187x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"379\" height=\"608\" srcset=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/63ba071-187x300.jpg 187w, http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/63ba071.jpg 473w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 379px) 100vw, 379px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">The process has kept me busy and I think others are enjoying the posts but sometimes I feel like I&#8217;m faking my way through this all, too.\u00a0 I&#8217;m no expert.\u00a0 I rely on the expertise of others and I&#8217;m a good researcher.\u00a0 I sometimes can add to or dispel the myth of previous postings.\u00a0 Sometimes I think anyone with a computer can do that.\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So, what&#8217;s in store for 2020?\u00a0 I don&#8217;t know.\u00a0 Maybe it will be more of the same.\u00a0 Maybe I&#8217;ll keep stumbling through the year and faking my way through things.\u00a0 That&#8217;s a process that scares me.\u00a0 I think sometimes I&#8217;m good at my job, which I don&#8217;t like to talk about, but then maybe I&#8217;m fooling myself as well.\u00a0 I get up every day and I go to work because that&#8217;s what I know how to do.\u00a0 It&#8217;s better than sitting at home and lamenting all the things I&#8217;ve never done and how I&#8217;m going to keep up the illusion of a happy person.\u00a0 My contract is up for renewal in April.\u00a0 I hope I&#8217;m still there.\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I&#8217;ve been watching my son Noah and my daughter Abbie struggle this past year.\u00a0 Abbie is still in school and I think she worries about her future and what she&#8217;s going to do with her life.\u00a0 I think she&#8217;ll figure it out.\u00a0 Fake it until you make it.\u00a0 That&#8217;s worked for me.\u00a0 Noah also is not sure about his future.\u00a0 He started a Youtube channel last year and he&#8217;s now up to 10,000 subscribers.\u00a0 All the while, he works at Starbucks and hates his job.\u00a0 He&#8217;s got real potential and his most recent video has some good thoughts about what is in store for 2020 for him.\u00a0 I find it really inspiring:\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Fam0DQwkizk\" width=\"450\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">\ufeff<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Again, where does that leave me?\u00a0 I don&#8217;t know.\u00a0 I&#8217;m 57 and if I haven&#8217;t figured it out now, I probably never will.\u00a0 I&#8217;m still faking it until I&#8217;m making it.\u00a0 If I have one skill, that&#8217;s it.\u00a0 The key is to be in pain, struggle with your mental health, fake it, and figure it out as you go along.\u00a0 I&#8217;m going to break down again.\u00a0 I&#8217;m going to be afraid.\u00a0 I&#8217;m going to want to run away.\u00a0 Maybe this is the new trend for me.\u00a0 Emily and Charlie seem happy but they&#8217;re still trying to figure things out like Noah, like Abbie, like me, like us all.\u00a0 It&#8217;s okay to be sad or mad or in pain or want to run away.\u00a0 It&#8217;s okay.\u00a0 It will be okay.\u00a0 That will be my mantra for 2020:\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\"> IT WILL BE OKAY!<br \/>\n<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, it&#8217;s the last day of December in 2019 and tomorrow starts a new year.\u00a0 I can honestly say that I&#8217;ll be glad to see this year done.\u00a0 It has not been a stellar year and I&#8217;m hoping 2020 will be much better.\u00a0 Part of me believes that even numbered years are luckier.\u00a0 My [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[120,119,31],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1566"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1566"}],"version-history":[{"count":19,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1566\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4868,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1566\/revisions\/4868"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1566"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1566"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1566"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}