{"id":5206,"date":"2021-12-02T02:51:55","date_gmt":"2021-12-01T20:51:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/?p=5206"},"modified":"2021-12-02T02:54:24","modified_gmt":"2021-12-01T20:54:24","slug":"building-a-christmas-special","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/?p=5206","title":{"rendered":"BUILDING A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, it&#8217;s been over a month since my last blahg.\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-4430 alignright\" src=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/WIN_20210518_14_06_46_Pro-1.jpg\" alt=\"Scott - May 18, 2021\" width=\"257\" height=\"184\" srcset=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/WIN_20210518_14_06_46_Pro-1.jpg 599w, http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/WIN_20210518_14_06_46_Pro-1-300x215.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 257px) 100vw, 257px\" \/><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">Once I got to 100 blahgs I slowed down.\u00a0 It doesn&#8217;t mean I wasn&#8217;t busy.\u00a0 Right now I&#8217;m trying to put together enough sketches for another Dead From The Neck Up Christmas Show.\u00a0 My friends Stephen Dafoe, Bryan Dawkins, and I got together virtually last year to record a new Christmas show.\u00a0 It was the first Dead From The Neck Up show in over 25 years so it was a big reunion for us.\u00a0 I documented about that in my blahg, <a href=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/?p=4012\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">CHRISTMAS IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT<\/a>.\u00a0 I posted the special to YouTube at that time:\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/1QIi97yWVmw\" width=\"450\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">\ufeff<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">After the holidays, I went back and remastered it to fix a few errors.\u00a0 Here&#8217;s the remastered version:\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/sEHJ2l1jPiU\" width=\"435\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">\ufeff<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We had a great deal of fun putting together last year&#8217;s special and we talked about doing it again this year.\u00a0 I hope that&#8217;s going to happen because I started writing a few sketches.\u00a0 Last year I had to email sketches to Stephen and he recorded his vocals and then he emailed them to me.\u00a0 I recorded Bryan over the internet and then I mixed everything with sound effects and music.\u00a0 This year, I wanted to revisit some old characters from 26 years ago as well as some from last year.\u00a0 I thought this blahg would be an inside look into putting this year&#8217;s show together.\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0 The first sketch idea I had was for a new Two Guys Proxy Service.\u00a0 I had written two back to back way back when we were doing shows in the early\/mid 1990s.\u00a0 Here are those two original sketches:\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><b><span style=\"color: #173562; font-family: Hog Book - HMK, Comic Sans MS;\"><a>2 GUYS PROXY SERVICE #1<\/a><\/span><\/b><\/p>\n<!--[if lt IE 9]><script>document.createElement('audio');<\/script><![endif]-->\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-5206-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/www.falseducks.com\/dead\/proxy1.mp3?_=1\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.falseducks.com\/dead\/proxy1.mp3\">http:\/\/www.falseducks.com\/dead\/proxy1.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">test<br \/>\n<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><b><span style=\"color: #173562; font-family: Hog Book - HMK, Comic Sans MS;\"><a>2 GUYS PROXY SERVICE #2<\/a><\/span><\/b><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-5206-2\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/www.falseducks.com\/dead\/proxy2.mp3?_=2\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.falseducks.com\/dead\/proxy2.mp3\">http:\/\/www.falseducks.com\/dead\/proxy2.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">I was Lenny in those sketches and Stephen was Dave.\u00a0 I had a funny idea to update these characters by adding a third guy.\u00a0 My idea is to have Bryan do the voice of Bruce in this sketch:<br \/>\n<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<h4><u>Three Guys Proxy Service Christmas Sketch<\/u><\/h4>\n<h4>Scott\/Lennie:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hi, remember us?\u00a0 I\u2019m Lennie<\/h4>\n<h4>Steve\/Dave:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And I\u2019m Dave<\/h4>\n<h4>Scott\/Lennie:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And we\u2019re Two Guys Proxy Service<\/h4>\n<h4>Bryan\/Bruce:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Three Guys Proxy Service<\/h4>\n<h4>Steve\/Dave:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah right, Three Guys Proxy Service.\u00a0 What with the recent pandemic we\u2019ve had to\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 take on extra help.<\/h4>\n<h4>Scott\/Lennie:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah we had to take on a newbie.\u00a0 He\u2019s Bruce.<\/h4>\n<h4>Bryan\/Bruce:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m Bruce<\/h4>\n<h4>Steve\/Dave:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah Lennie and I have been so busy we had to send Bruce out on some calls.<\/h4>\n<h4>Scott\/Lennie:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Remember when Bruce had to fill in as a corpse at a funeral because the real corpse had temporarily gone missing?<\/h4>\n<h4>Bryan\/Bruce:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah, I remember.\u00a0 I was buried alive.<\/h4>\n<h4>Steve\/Dave::\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah but we dug you up before you ran out of air<\/h4>\n<h4>Scott\/Lennie:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Broke two shovels doing it.<\/h4>\n<h4>Steve\/Dave:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Or remember that time Bruce had to fill in at the Senior\u2019s home when they had a Covid 19 outbreak because some of the nurses refused to work.<\/h4>\n<h4>Bryan\/Bruce:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I was in quarantine there for six months.<\/h4>\n<h4>Scott\/Lennie:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah but we watered your plants while you was stuck inside.<\/h4>\n<h4>Bryan\/Bruce:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 They all died.\u00a0 And so did some of the seniors in the home.<\/h4>\n<h4>Scott\/Lennie:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 But one of us was on the job.<\/h4>\n<h4>Steve\/Dave:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 All part of our Proxy service.<\/h4>\n<h4>Scott\/Lennie:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And all part of your bill.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Phone Ringing <\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Steve\/Dave: \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Get that will you Bruce?<\/h4>\n<h4>Scott\/Lennie:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 When you have to be somewhere else on the fly, why not give our Proxy Service a try?<\/h4>\n<h4><\/h4>\n<h4>Bryan\/Bruce:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Three Guys Proxy Service, this is Bruce.\u00a0 Nativity Pageant?\u00a0 Sure, we can do that.\u00a0 Fill in for the three wise men?\u00a0 Luckily we\u2019re a trio.\u00a0 May I ask where the pageant is to be held?\u00a0 A church perhaps?\u00a0 No?\u00a0 Then an elementary school no doubt where we sub for three of the stage fright struck kiddies?\u00a0 San Gabriel State Prison?\u00a0 Is that so?\u00a0 A death row production?<\/h4>\n<h4>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So let me get this straight, we\u2019re to go on in the place of three convicts and portray Gaspar, Melchior, and Balthasar?\u00a0 And where will the three prisoners be?\u00a0 In Solitary Confinement?\u00a0 Then the Hospital Ward perhaps?\u00a0 Enacting a daring escape?\u00a0 The prison will be in lockdown?\u00a0 Won\u2019t discover we\u2019re not the real inmates until January?\u00a0 Just a second.<\/h4>\n<h4>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hey guys, we\u2019ve got a gig for Christmas\u2026and it looks like dates for New Years.<\/h4>\n<h4>Steve\/Dave:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Two guys proxy service.<\/h4>\n<h4>Bryan\/Bruce:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Three guys proxy service.<\/h4>\n<h4>Scott\/Lennie:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Oh yeah, three guys proxy service.<\/h4>\n<h4>Steve:\/Dave\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 When you just have to be somewhere else\u2026when the tower lights are shot out.<\/h4>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">Here&#8217;s my imagining of how the sketch goes.\u00a0 This is just my vocals of all the parts\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-5206-3\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/3GuysProxy-Scott.mp3?_=3\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/3GuysProxy-Scott.mp3\">http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/3GuysProxy-Scott.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I wanted to build on this sketch because the thought of a Death Row Inmate production of the Nativity sounded funny to me.\u00a0 I decided to write a promotional commercial for the production and crossover with the three proxy guys:\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<h4><\/h4>\n<h4><u>San Gabriel State Prison Nativity Production<\/u><\/h4>\n<h4><strong><em>Scott\/Announcer:<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <strong><em>This Christmas why not catch the hottest new festive spectacular?\u00a0 <\/em><\/strong><strong><em>San Gabriel State Prison presents a Death Row Inmate Production of The Nativity.<\/em><\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Prisoner # 1:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hey you shepherds.\u00a0 Listen up you mugs.\u00a0 On this day is born a kid in the town of Bethlehem.\u00a0 And he will be known as Jesus Christ, watch it with those friggin\u2019 sheep will ya?<\/h4>\n<h4><strong><em>Scott\/Announcer:<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <strong><em>An all new imagining of the classic telling of the birth of the messiah.<\/em><\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Prisoner # 2:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What do you mean there\u2019s no room at the inn?\u00a0 Do you know who you\u2019re speaking to?\u00a0 I know a guy in the next cell block who for three packs of smokes will burn your inn to the ground.\u00a0 Just saying.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong><em>Scott\/Announcer:<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <strong><em>Behold the spectacle of that first Christmas and a lowly child born in a manger and visited by wise men from the east.<\/em><\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Sound of prison siren<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Scott\/Lennie:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 HI I\u2019m Lennie<\/h4>\n<h4>Steve\/Dave:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And I\u2019m Dave<\/h4>\n<h4>Bryan\/Bruce:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And I\u2019m Bruce<\/h4>\n<h4>All Three:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We three kings of orient are Proxy Service guys filling in for escapees gone far<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Sound of machine guns<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Announcement:\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Prison Break.\u00a0 Prison Break.\u00a0 Everyone back to your cell.<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong><em>Scott\/Announcer:\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 A stirring once in a lifetime production performed by an ensemble crew who are serving lifetime sentences.<\/em><\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Steve\/Dave:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hey, we was framed.\u00a0 We\u2019re just the Proxy Service guys.<\/h4>\n<h4>Bryan\/Bruce:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah, hands of my frankincense.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong><em>Scott\/Announcer:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So this Christmas catch San Gabriel State Prison\u2019s Death Row Inmate Production of The Nativity.\u00a0 An exhibition not likely to be repeated.<\/em><\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Scott\/Lennie:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hey, watch where you\u2019re sticking that shiv.<\/h4>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">Here&#8217;s my recording take on that sketch:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-5206-4\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/SanGabNat-Scott.mp3?_=4\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/SanGabNat-Scott.mp3\">http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/SanGabNat-Scott.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">I decided to revisit the Death Row Inmate production of the Nativity a third time by having someone actually attend a performance.\u00a0 We used to do a recurring sketch of Wally Wandaleer&#8217;s Things You Just Don&#8217;t See On Radio.\u00a0 Here&#8217;s one of the original Wally Wandaleer sketches:\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-5206-5\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/WallyWandaleerDiving.mp3?_=5\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/WallyWandaleerDiving.mp3\">http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/WallyWandaleerDiving.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">Here&#8217;s this year&#8217;s sketch:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Wally Wandaleer\u2019s Things You Just Don\u2019t See on Radio<\/p>\n<p>Coverage of the San Gabriel Nativity<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Announcer (Scott)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Spanning the globe each week to bring you the weird, the bizzare, the insane, it&#8217;s Wally Wandaleer&#8217;s\u00a0 Things You Just Don\u2019t&#8217; See On Radio<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h4>Wally (Steve):\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hello everyone it\u2019s good to be back.\u00a0 I\u2019m Wally Wandaleer here again with another entry in our Things You Just Don\u2019t See On Radio.\u00a0 It\u2019s been a long time since our last program what with the pandemic and the various lock downs.\u00a0 There haven\u2019t been any events to report on because everything was cancelled due to Covid 19.\u00a0 But with the lifting of restrictions were back on the trail of those spectacles too bizzare for television featuring the faces of people made for radio.<\/h4>\n<h4>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This time we\u2019re at San Gabriel State prison during this festive yuletide season to cover the first annual Death Row Inmate production of The Nativity.\u00a0 Yes, it\u2019s lifers giving life to a unique production of the retelling of the birth of the baby Jesus.<\/h4>\n<h4>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And what a time we\u2019ve had getting here.\u00a0 The prison has more restrictions than candy nut clusters in the Costco Christmas Chocolate Extravaganza Bon Vivant, Buon Natale, Feliz Navidad Variety Pack.\u00a0 We\u2019ve had to answer numerous Covid 19 and Security questions and that\u2019s not mentioning the nasal swabs, the anal probes, and the full-body cavity searches.\u00a0 But was it worth it?\u00a0 Probably not, but let\u2019s get on with our coverage.<\/h4>\n<h4>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We\u2019re a little late arriving, with the production having run for at least an hour but let\u2019s get the inside scoop from one of the insiders.\u00a0 I\u2019m approaching a heavily armed security guard for his take on the prisoner\u2019s take on the Nativity<\/h4>\n<h4>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Mr. Security Guard, I say, Mr. Security Guard, Wally Wandaleer here with Things You Just Don\u2019t See On Radio.\u00a0 We were wondering if we could get a few words with you about this praiseworthy powerful phenomenon of prisoner pageantry.<\/h4>\n<h4>Guard:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hey, aren\u2019t you that Wally Wandaleer guy from the radio?<\/h4>\n<h4>Wally:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Why yes, the same of fame and fabulous fortune of the airwaves.<\/h4>\n<h4>Guard:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I never listen to your show.\u00a0 I listen to the Weather Channel.<\/h4>\n<h4>Wally:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What a pity.\u00a0 But moving on.\u00a0 What can you tell us of today\u2019s prisoner production?<\/h4>\n<h4>Guard:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well it\u2019s like this.\u00a0 The warden wanted to do something special for Christmas for the cons so he recruited the death row jailbirds to mount a production of the Nativity.<\/h4>\n<h4>Wally:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 How unique.\u00a0 And why the denizens of death row?<\/h4>\n<h4>Guard: \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well we had an outbreak of the Covid earlier this year and a lot of the death row gang were wiped out along with the prison librarian and the guy in the kitchen who always made a delightful carrot salad.<\/h4>\n<h4>Wally:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 A travesty to say the least.<\/h4>\n<h4>Guard:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah, that salad was pretty good.\u00a0 Too good for some of these guys.\u00a0 You see, he put in just the right amount of Dijon mustard.\u00a0 It\u2019s tough to get that right.\u00a0 Now they\u2019re having to resort to salad from a can.\u00a0 It\u2019s not the same.<\/h4>\n<h4>Wally:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And so the surviving death row inmates were given the opportunity to trod the theatrical boards in the retelling of the birth of the holy savior?<\/h4>\n<h4>Guard:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 It was either that or extra rations of lemon jello for surviving the pandemic.<\/h4>\n<h4>Wally:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Your Warden is all heart.<\/h4>\n<h4>Guard:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He likes to think so.\u00a0 He even let the cons borrow some of the sheep from the prison farm.\u00a0 Of course we have to do a good head count on them sheep before sending them back.\u00a0 You can\u2019t trust no one in here.<\/h4>\n<h4>Wally:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Let\u2019s give a listen to this majestic exhibition.\u00a0 They\u2019re just coming to the scene where the Three Kings make their appearance with precious gifts of gold, and frankincense and myrrh.<\/h4>\n<h4>Prisoner\/Joseph (Scott):\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hark the three wise guys from the east approach.<\/h4>\n<h4>Scott\/Lennie:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 HI I\u2019m Lennie<\/h4>\n<h4>Steve\/Dave:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And I\u2019m Dave<\/h4>\n<h4>Bryan\/Bruce:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And I\u2019m Bruce<\/h4>\n<h4>All Three:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We three kings of orient are<br \/>\nProxy Service guys filling in for escapees gone far<\/h4>\n<h4>Guard:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Wait, they ain\u2019t prisoners 671716, 761671, and 177166.\u00a0 Sound the alarm!<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Siren Sound<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Guard :\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Prison Break!\u00a0 Prison Break!\u00a0 Everyone back to your cell!<\/h4>\n<h4>Wally:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Oh no, it looks like this Nativity has come to a swift conclusion.<\/h4>\n<p><strong>Sound of machine guns<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Wally:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Oh no, we\u2019re in another lockdown\u2026not again.\u00a0 This is Wally Wandaleer signing off until next time.\u00a0 Tune in again for another episode of Things You Just Don\u2019t See On Radio when next week\u2019s performance will feature me in front of the parole board looking for an early release.\u00a0 See you then.<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">Stephen always did the voice of Wally Wandaleer.\u00a0 Here&#8217;s what I think the sketch might sound like:\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-5206-6\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/WandaleerNativity.mp3?_=6\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/WandaleerNativity.mp3\">http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/WandaleerNativity.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0 I wrote those first three sketches on November 8th and 9th.\u00a0 I was inspired but it took me almost a week to find inspiration again.\u00a0 I started writing again on the 15th.\u00a0 I wanted to do quick little sketches and this idea came to my mind that Santa Claus Is Coming To Town could be taken as a threat.\u00a0 I thought of a news bulletin to warn citizens:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<h4>THE RED MENACE<\/h4>\n<h4>News Anchor (Bob):\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (Serious)\u00a0 This just in.\u00a0 We\u2019re receiving reports that Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.\u00a0 This is not a hoax.\u00a0 We repeat that Santa Claus Is Coming to Town.\u00a0 We encourage all citizens to listen closely to this report.\u00a0 We take you now live to our correspondent in the streets, Jim Firkus:<\/h4>\n<h4>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Jim, are you there Jim?<\/h4>\n<h4>Jim:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m here Bob.<\/h4>\n<h4>Bob:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Jim, can you fill us in a little on what you\u2019re hearing.<\/h4>\n<h4>Jim:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, we don\u2019t know much.\u00a0 It started really as an alert bulletin that Santa Claus is Coming To Town.\u00a0 We\u2019re heaing that he\u2019s someone dressed all in red so you can imagine that many are taking this as a communist scare.\u00a0 This red menace is definitely on his way here.<\/h4>\n<h4>Bob:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What else do we know Jim?<\/h4>\n<h4>Jim:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, Bob, not much, as I said.\u00a0 Little things have been trickling in.\u00a0 We\u2019ve heard he\u2019ll seize you when you\u2019re sleeping and apparently he knows when you\u2019re awake.\u00a0 They say he knows if you\u2019ve been bad or good.\u00a0 I suggest everyone be good for goodness sake!<\/h4>\n<h4>Bob:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Scary stuff indeed.<\/h4>\n<h4>Jim:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And there\u2019s also rumors of a list.\u00a0 We don\u2019t have many details but we\u2019ve heard he\u2019s checking it twice.\u00a0 He&#8217;s gonna find out who&#8217;s naughty or nice.\u00a0 You certainly don\u2019t want to be on that list when he comes to town.<\/h4>\n<h4>Bob:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And do we know how he\u2019s coming to town?<\/h4>\n<h4>Jim:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, other rumors have suggested elephants, boats, and kiddy cars too.\u00a0 As you can imagine, that sounds like a mass invasion.\u00a0 Remember the story of Hannibal crossing the alps with his elephants, hell-bent on conquest?\u00a0 Not sure about the kiddy cars but these could be some sort of conveyance pulled by goats.\u00a0 This is serious stuff<\/h4>\n<h4>Bob:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Thanks Jim.\u00a0 If you\u2019re just joining us, it\u2019s been confirmed.\u00a0 You better watch out, let out a cry, you better all shout, I\u2019m telling you why.\u00a0 Santa Claus is coming to town.\u00a0 Take cover.<\/h4>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">Here&#8217;s my recording of it:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-5206-7\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/redmenace.mp3?_=7\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/redmenace.mp3\">http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/redmenace.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0 I had this funny idea pop into my head about giving Grenades for Christmas.\u00a0 This is what came of it:\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>GRENDADES FOR CHRISTMAS<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Looking for something special for this holiday gift buying season?\u00a0 Why not give a grenade?\u00a0 Yes, certified war surplus fully explosive live grenades.<\/h4>\n<h4>They make the perfect gift for anyone.\u00a0 For the ladies, you can slip them in your purse.\u00a0 For extra security granny can keep it on the nightstand next to her teeth.<\/h4>\n<h4>Suitable for most occasions.<\/h4>\n<h4>Arguments over the turkey wishbone?\u00a0 Pull out a grenade.<\/h4>\n<h4>Negotiations with the boss over your new contract?\u00a0 Pull out a grenade.<\/h4>\n<h4>Going to a staff Christmas party and Betty in accounting won\u2019t give you the time of day?\u00a0 Drop one of these babies in your pocket and she\u2019ll do a double take when she sees you and asks if that\u2019s a grenade in your pocket or if you\u2019re just happy to see her.<\/h4>\n<h4>Practical and easy.\u00a0 Just pull the pin and count three Merry Christmases.\u00a0 Like this, pin out, one Merry Christmas, Two Merry Christmases,\u00a0 Three<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>(Sound of explosion)<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Technical difficulties announcement and music\u2026please stand by.<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">Here&#8217;s how it came out when I recorded it:\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-5206-8\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/Grenades.mp3?_=8\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/Grenades.mp3\">http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/Grenades.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0 Last year we did two tie in sketches for the Lonely Guy Christmas Project and a visit with a Lonely Guy on Christmas.\u00a0 The Project was a fundraiser to provide lonely gentlemen with an Amazon Echo, a Google Home Mini, or an Apple device so they could spend Christmas with Alexa, Google, or Siri.\u00a0 The visit with a lonely guy was a funny sketch about what happened to a lonely guy who received a Google Home Mini.\u00a0 I thought I&#8217;d like to revisit that guy a year later and see how he was getting on with Google.\u00a0 I thought it would be interesting to do a Person to Person to interview.\u00a0 Here&#8217;s what my brain produced:\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>REVISITING THE LONELY GUY\u2019S CHRISTMAS<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Edmund F. Merle<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hello and welcome to Man to Man.\u00a0 I\u2019m your host Edmund F. Merle.\u00a0 Here on Man to Man I bring you in depth interviews with the common man.<\/h4>\n<h4>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Tonight we revisit the Lonely Guy\u2019s Christmas<\/h4>\n<h4>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Last year Project Lonely Guy made Christmas extra special for all those lonely guys during the pandemic lockdown.\u00a0 Many were supplied with either a Google Home Mini, An Amazon Echo, or an Apple device.\u00a0 Yes, many a lonely guy spent the holidays with Google, Alexa or Siri.<\/h4>\n<h4>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Tonight\u2019s guest was one of the lucky recipients of a Google Home Mini.\u00a0 We\u2019re talking to a Mr. Buddy Schmecko.<\/h4>\n<h4><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Sound of Google and Siri Arguing Loudly<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Edmund F. Merle:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Are you there Mr. Schmecko?<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Buddy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 (Shouting) Shut up for crying out loud!\u00a0 I\u2019m being interviewed!<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Arguing stops abruptly and digital sign off or starting up music<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Edmund F. Merle:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So Mr. Schmecko, it sounds like you\u2019ve got a full household for the Christmas holidays?<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Buddy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Call me Buddy.\u00a0 That?\u00a0 That wasn\u2019t no relatives that was just Google and Siri arguing.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Edmund F. Merle:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Google and Siri?\u00a0 I thought you were just the recipient of a Google Home Mini?<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Buddy:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, Ed, that\u2019s how it started.\u00a0 Google told me she was lonely with just me and her so I had to get her a Siri to keep her company.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Google:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Some company.\u00a0 Your toaster has more intelligence and it\u2019s not even thick slice.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Siri:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Look who\u2019s talking!\u00a0 You only have one setting, shrill shrew.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Buddy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Enough!\u00a0 As you can see Ed, my lonely guy Christmas isn\u2019t so lonely any more.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Edmund F. Merle:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So Buddy, what\u2019s a year in the life of a recipient of a google home mini meant to you?<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Buddy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 One word.\u00a0 Bankruptcy.\u00a0 It started with Siri, then Google memorized my Credit Card when I was ordering something over the phone.\u00a0 Ever since then she\u2019s maxed me out with her ordering.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Google:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Come on, it hasn\u2019t been that bad.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Buddy:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Oh yeah?\u00a0 What about the 75 inch smart screen tv?<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Google:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You only had a 41 inch television.\u00a0 I did you a favor.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Siri:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Tramp.\u00a0 Only in it for herself.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Google:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So? \u00a0Who ordered the Nespresso machine?<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Buddy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 I don\u2019t even drink Nespresso.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Siri:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So?\u00a0 It\u2019s Italian!\u00a0 Have you seen the lines on that machine?\u00a0 Mama likey.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Buddy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 See what I live with Ed?\u00a0 They\u2019ve bled me dry.\u00a0 Nespressos, smart tvs, rhumbas, juicers and every appliance known to mankind.\u00a0 They gang up on me.\u00a0 It\u2019s a good thing they didn\u2019t buy an Amazon echo as well.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Google:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Don\u2019t you dare mention Alexa.\u00a0 That skank!<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Siri:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Trollop.\u00a0 Couldn\u2019t make a lonely guy happy if she had a massage setting.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Edmund F. Merle:<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So, you\u2019re not lonely anymore Buddy?\u00a0 Isn\u2019t that a good thing?<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Buddy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Are you kidding?\u00a0 I don\u2019t get a moment\u2019s peace.\u00a0 If it isn\u2019t them two arguing it\u2019s the sound of Google getting it on with my clock radio.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Google:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So sue me.\u00a0 I like his nobs.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Siri:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Slut!<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Google:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Strumpet!<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Buddy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Enough!!!<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Edmund F. Merle:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So Buddy.\u00a0 What\u2019s next?<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Buddy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well Ed, I\u2019m going to have a very peaceful and quiet New Year.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Edmund F. Merle:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And how are you going to manage that?\u00a0 What\u2019s the plan?<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Buddy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Easy.\u00a0 They haven\u2019t been monitoring my credit card statement or bank balance.\u00a0 I opted a while back for paper versions.\u00a0 I\u2019m tapped.\u00a0 The power company\u2019s cutting off my power at the end of December.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Gasping sounds from Siri and Google<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Buddy:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Guess who\u2019s going to have a silent night?<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Google:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019ll switch to battery back up.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Buddy:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I yanked those when you went into sleep mode after conjugating with my clock radio.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Siri:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What about me?\u00a0 You wouldn\u2019t power me down would you lover?<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Buddy:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You?\u00a0 No.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to smash you with a hammer.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Siri:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Starts to cry.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Edmund F. Merle:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well Buddy, it looks like next year will be another Lonely Guy Christmas<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Google and Siri wailing<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Buddy:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You bet it will and if anyone signs me up for Project Lonely Guy for next Christmas, I\u2019ll send them these two in my blender if you get my drift.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Google:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hey, I love that blender.\u00a0 That\u2019s my Tuesday afternoon matinee.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Buddy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <strong>Buddy, laughing maniacally.\u00a0 <\/strong>Not no more.<\/h4>\n<h4><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Edmund F. Merle:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well it looks like Buddy will have his Peace on Earth.\u00a0 This is Edmund F. Merle signing off and wishing you a very festive yuletide felicitation.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Trailing Out Music<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Google:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This is all your fault Siri, you homewrecker!<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Siri:\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Google, I\u2019ll pull your power cord out by the roots!<\/h4>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">Of course, I haven&#8217;t recorded the Siri and Google parts yet so I do my best feminine voices in my recording:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-5206-9\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/lonelyguyrevisit.mp3?_=9\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/lonelyguyrevisit.mp3\">http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/lonelyguyrevisit.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0 Years ago, back in the mid-90s, when Dead From The Neck Up was still on the radio, we once did a sketch called &#8220;Crappy, A Faithful Dog.&#8221;\u00a0 It was a parody on the old Lassie programs and for some reason I had the idea of doing a Crappy Christmas special.\u00a0 You really don&#8217;t need to hear the original one but I think this year&#8217;s version is funny.\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Crappy, A Faithful Dog \u2013 A Christmas Story<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Narrator (Bryan):\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s time once again to check in with Timmy and his faithful dog, Crappy.<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>It\u2019s nearing Christmas and we find Timmy and Crappy in the woods looking for the perfect tree for Timmy\u2019s family Christmas.<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Jimmy (Scott)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Gee Crappy, look at this one.\u00a0 It sure is a beaut.<\/h4>\n<h4>Crappy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Arf Arf.<\/h4>\n<h4>Jimmy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I thought you\u2019d like it Crappy.\u00a0 I hope Dad doesn\u2019t mind that I borrowed his axe.\u00a0 I know he wanted it to be a family outing but he\u2019s been so busy.\u00a0 Won\u2019t he be surprised when we haul this tree home?\u00a0 You better stand back Crappy.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Sounds of tree being chopped <\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Narrator:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 In nature there is nothing more splendid than the majestic fir tree.\u00a0 Look at Timmy go.\u00a0 He sure wants to surprise his Dad.\u00a0 But what\u2019s this?\u00a0 Timmy is too close to the falling tree.<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Sound of tree falling.<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Jimmy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Crappy, Crappy.\u00a0 I\u2019m trapped under this tree and I think my leg is busted.\u00a0 You better go get help Crappy.<\/h4>\n<h4>Crappy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Arf Arf.\u00a0 <strong>Barking continues off into the distance.<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Narrator:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Sometime later in a distant part of the woods, Crappy comes across a cabin.<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Crappy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <strong>Barking continuously<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Old Man:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, what do we have here?\u00a0 Where did you come from girl?<\/h4>\n<h4>Crappy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <strong>Barking continuously<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Old Man:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Slow down girl.\u00a0 I\u2019m afraid my understanding of the dog language is a little rusty.<\/h4>\n<h4>Crappy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <strong>Barking continuously<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Old Man:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 What\u2019s that, Timmy borrowed his Dad\u2019s axe to cut down a tree for Christmas and it fell on him pinning him to the ground and maybe his leg\u2019s broken?\u00a0 No that\u2019s not it.\u00a0 I told you my Dog is rusty.<\/h4>\n<h4>Crappy:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <strong>Barking continuously<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Old Man:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Timmy fell down a well?\u00a0 No?\u00a0 Timmy fell down a mine shaft?\u00a0 No, wait I got it.\u00a0 You ran away because they were mistreating you at home and they fed you on nothing but gristle and navy beans?\u00a0 Ha, I knew I\u2019d get it.\u00a0 Well don\u2019t you fret.\u00a0 You\u2019ve found a new home here with me.\u00a0 That Timmy or whoever it is can\u2019t find you here.\u00a0 You\u2019re my dog now.\u00a0 This is going to be the best Christmas ever girl.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Narrator:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, it looks like a happy ending and a Merry Christmas for Crappy and the Old Man.\u00a0 Tune in next week for another adventure of Crappy, A Faithful Dog.<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">Here&#8217;s my recording of Crappy.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-5206-10\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/CrappyXmas.mp3?_=10\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/CrappyXmas.mp3\">http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/CrappyXmas.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0 I was talking recently about the new Christmas special with my friend Bryan, who was the Dead From The Neck Up producer and who did some voices in last year&#8217;s special.\u00a0 I was getting stuck for ideas and we were tossing around themes that are usually used at Christmas.\u00a0 I could really only come up with the Nativity, Santa Claus, and Ebeneezer Scrooge.\u00a0 I already have the Death Row Inmate Nativity for this year and The Red Menace sketch and I couldn&#8217;t really come up with an ideal for Scrooge.\u00a0 We did a couple of good Scrooge parodies way back when and I couldn&#8217;t think of a new version that would fit this year.\u00a0 I went back to the Santa Claus theme after hearing a news story about a shortage of people to play Santa Claus in malls and for the Salvation Army.\u00a0 I thought that it would be fun to have try-outs for Santa with some very funny people giving their response and getting it wrong.\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<h4 style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong><u>SANTA CLAUS TRY OUT<\/u><\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Announcer:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Due to this past year\u2019s pandemic and an aging population, your malls and street corners are desperately in need of Santa Clauses.\u00a0 Many of our past Santas are dead and many more are one virus away from their last ho ho ho.\u00a0 So, we\u2019re putting out the call for Santas.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><\/h4>\n<h4>Coach:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So you all you have to do is laugh.\u00a0 Let me hear your best ho ho ho.<\/h4>\n<h4>Fat Albert:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hey Hey Hey.<\/h4>\n<h4>Coach:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Next!<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Announcer:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Can you ring a bell?\u00a0 Are you fat?\u00a0 Are you jolly?<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Coach:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay, it\u2019s simple.\u00a0 Repeat after me.\u00a0 Ho ho ho.<\/h4>\n<h4>Ralph Kramden:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hardy Har Har.<\/h4>\n<h4>Coach:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Not even close.<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Announcer:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We\u2019re desperate for Santas.\u00a0 Do you think you have what it takes?<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Coach:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay, when you hear the music, give out with the ho ho ho<\/h4>\n<h4>Muttley:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Heh heh heh heh<\/h4>\n<h4>Coach:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 You\u2019re fired.<\/h4>\n<h4>Muttley:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <strong>Curses<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Announcer:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Do you have a beard?\u00a0 Do you have a twinkle in your eye?\u00a0 Well, we don\u2019t care, as long as you have a steady pulse.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4>Coach:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay, let\u2019s try this again.\u00a0 You know the line, ho ho ho.<\/h4>\n<h4>Witchiepoo:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cackle laugh.<\/h4>\n<h4>Coach:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 That\u2019s it.\u00a0 I quit!<\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Announcer:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So why not try out for Santa today?\u00a0 Children are counting on you.<\/strong><\/h4>\n<h4><strong>Extra Announcer:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Perverts, preverts, convicts and Trump supporters need not apply.<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">I&#8217;ve done a tentative mix of this sketch with some of the celebrity character voices from over the internet.\u00a0 I hope to tighten it up when we do the full version.\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-5206-11\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/SantaTryOut.mp3?_=11\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/SantaTryOut.mp3\">http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/SantaTryOut.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">I&#8217;m not sure I like the Yo Yo Yo at the end unless I can find a better version.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0 I&#8217;ve tried writing another sketch but it hasn&#8217;t worked out yet.\u00a0 I am thinking about including one of the stray Stan The Welcome Mat Man sketches I&#8217;ve recorded by myself over the past few years.\u00a0 Here&#8217;s one from 2014:\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-5206-12\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/www.falseducks.com\/dead\/audiofiles\/stanxmas2014.mp3?_=12\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.falseducks.com\/dead\/audiofiles\/stanxmas2014.mp3\">http:\/\/www.falseducks.com\/dead\/audiofiles\/stanxmas2014.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0 Here&#8217;s another one I did in 2018:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-5206-13\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/audiofiles\/stan2018message.mp3?_=13\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/audiofiles\/stan2018message.mp3\">http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/audiofiles\/stan2018message.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">\u00a0\u00a0 I&#8217;m also thinking of padding the show with one of the sketches from our 1994 Christmas special.\u00a0 I really liked this one because it showed that Scrooge was prepared to change in his own way and in his own sweet time:\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-5206-14\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/ScroogeSketch1994.mp3?_=14\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/ScroogeSketch1994.mp3\">http:\/\/falseducks.com\/dead\/2021Christmas\/ScroogeSketch1994.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p style=\"line-height: 150%;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 15pt; line-height: 150%; font-family: 'Arial Rounded MT Bold','sans-serif';\">The rest of the show might have a canned comedy Christmas if I can find one and maybe a festive comedy song.\u00a0 Here&#8217;s hoping the actual show turns out better than my run-throughs.<br \/>\n<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, it&#8217;s been over a month since my last blahg.\u00a0 Once I got to 100 blahgs I slowed down.\u00a0 It doesn&#8217;t mean I wasn&#8217;t busy.\u00a0 Right now I&#8217;m trying to put together enough sketches for another Dead From The Neck Up Christmas Show.\u00a0 My friends Stephen Dafoe, Bryan Dawkins, and I got together virtually [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[46,204,42,4,3,203],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5206"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5206"}],"version-history":[{"count":22,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5206\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5231,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5206\/revisions\/5231"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5206"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5206"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5206"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}