![\"\"](\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/\/theblahg\/images\/gmchicken.jpg\")
<\/a>“The Ghost and Mr. Chicken” starring Don Knotts.\u00a0 Today, I find this film very hilarious and not at all frightening.\u00a0 Of course, that doesn’t stop my friend Tom from ribbing me about this.\u00a0 I better not tell him I was also scared of that episode of “Gilligan’s Island” where Gilligan is struck by lightning and turns invisible.\u00a0 Again, laugh and pay as you exit.\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I will insert here a story about my eldest daughter Emily and her experience with a horror movie.\u00a0 Back in 2004, when she was just 14, she was invited by her school friends to go see the horror movie “The Grudge”.\u00a0 She had never seen any horror movies except the classic kind but the peer influence was a little too much for her and she thought she should go with her friends.\u00a0 She came to her Mother and I and asked what she should do.\u00a0 We said we wouldn’t stand in her way and that the decision was hers.\u00a0 In the end, she went to see the movie, cowered in her seat, and watched the movie from behind her hands which were held before her face.\u00a0 That night she was so scared, she asked to sleep in our room.\u00a0 When I talked to her about the movie, I asked if she had really wanted us as parents to say no to her going to see it.\u00a0 She said us saying no would have helped.\u00a0 You live and learn.\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Some other things that scare me are confined spaces and dark alleys.\u00a0 I can manage confined spaces for a limited time but I just avoid dark alleys.\u00a0 I remember what happened to Bruce Wayne’s parents when they cut through a dark alley in Gotham.\u00a0 No thanks, I don’t need Batman’s dark psyche.\u00a0 Old age and my eventual death doesn’t scare me but I do worry about my children and my wife and trying to keep them safe.\u00a0 I guess that’s normal for all of us.\u00a0 I also find Rap Music and Country Music scary but that’s for totally different reasons.\u00a0 Give me Sinatra or Tony Perkins anytime.\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I don’t want this blahg to end on anything scary or to dredge up any more bad memories.\u00a0 I have some good memories of Halloween except that one, when as a kid, ends with me puking after eating too much candy.\u00a0 Still, that’s not really a bad memory.\u00a0 I remember the candy haul that Halloween was pretty awesome.\u00a0 One of my other favorite memories of Halloween happened during my last year of University.\u00a0 I was reminded of it recently when I struck up an email conversation with my friend Mike who we nick-named “The Gar”.\u00a0 I hadn’t talked with Mike in over fifteen years so it has been nice getting back in touch with him.\u00a0 In a previous blahg I published the poem “the death of a BIG one<\/strong><\/em>” which I later expanded into the short story “Once Upon A Snowman.”\u00a0 That was a great Gar story about a giant snowman and how Gar took it down.\u00a0 Maybe I’ll be reminded to post that story here when there’s cold in the air, snow on the ground, and we’re all scared that spring will never come.\u00a0 But for now, I’ll close with “The Halloween Party” <\/em>which is based on a true story that occurred on Halloween night in 1984.\u00a0 Thirty years have passed since then but I still remember it well and still find it funny.
\n<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\nThe Halloween Party<\/h3>\n<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This is the story of The Gar.\u00a0 No, that’s not correct.\u00a0 This is one of the stories of The Gar.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Who is Gar?\u00a0 I suppose that’s a fair question that deserves a fair answer.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Who is Gar?\u00a0 It’s hard to say.\u00a0 The name “Gar” is short for something else.\u00a0 You wouldn’t want to, of course, tell Gar it’s short for something else.\u00a0 Gar, in his own estimation, would tell you he was short for nothing and that in the grand scheme of things he was probably larger than anything else.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So Gar as a name is what it is.\u00a0 We’ve made jokes about it but not many.\u00a0 We have made puns that suggested the Gar family crest would be a Garbadge or a cow pasture would be the Garfield.\u00a0 These of course were all spoken in Gar’s absence or when full inebriation would render them comical and forgettable in the cold day of sobriety that always followed.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Gar as a person however was more than that.\u00a0 He was less than average height but always seemed to be somewhere on a lofty pedestal above the rest of us or mounted on some mighty high horse.\u00a0 He was loud when need be and louder when need not be but despite all of these qualities I would have to say his one shining attribute would have been his cheeks…his facial cheeks.\u00a0 These physical endowments always seemed to glow a robust pink even in the absence of inclement weather or alcohol.\u00a0 They were indeed a marvel and on more than one occasion swayed Gar to launch himself in a certain direction from which others with a normal complexion would have steered clear.\u00a0 This is the story of one of those occasions.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 As I recall the first thrill of a new College school year wasn’t always the reuniting of old friends, the excitement of new courses, or the flavour of the first dinner at the dining hall.\u00a0 No it was something more profound than all those.\u00a0 It was the first big party.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Now, September doesn’t really count as there’s constantly drinking with the chums of last year and the drinking to of new ones this year.\u00a0 It usually takes about a month or so to really settle on the people with whom you’re going to frequent and then it’s just a waiting game.\u00a0 You wait until there’s an excuse to have that grand fiesta.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 October comes and shortly into it you get Thanksgiving.\u00a0 Some years you go home and others you don’t.\u00a0 The dining hall’s closed and if you stay you’re bound to be having pasta with Shawn at a local pizzeria.\u00a0 No matter how you look at it there’s no real cause for celebration until the end of October and Halloween.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ah, Halloween!\u00a0 I wouldn’t want to admit when I first stopped dressing in costume and parading around the neighbourhood for goodies.\u00a0 I’m sure I was well into my teens when the allure of candy wasn’t lost on me or the knowledge of the calories in candy hadn’t dawned on me.\u00a0 A few belt sizes later I still haven’t lost the craving but use ingenuous excuses with my children like “I better taste that to see if it’s safe to eat.”<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Anyway, Halloween.\u00a0 Now there’s a real excuse to act like an idiot.\u00a0 Not that we needed any excuses back then but an occasional sane rationale usually helped us to keep out of trouble.\u00a0 If you’re going to dress in an unusual fashion, other than your normal daily garb, then you take advantage of a situation like Halloween.\u00a0 And Halloween is the first big party of the year.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I don’t remember now who planned the party but memory serves me that it was somebody outside of our immediate circle.\u00a0 This was just as well, we thought, as clean up and property damage are the responsibility of the planners and the residents of said property.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, Gar and the rest of us had racked our brains for costume ideas for quite awhile and like anything else with a deadline we left it until October 31st.\u00a0 This unfortunately leaves you scrambling to abandon the brilliant idea you had in order to settle to make do with the items you have.\u00a0 That’s usually the rule of thumb for everyone; everyone that is except Gar.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Gar had this crazy idea that Halloween paled in comparison to Christmas and that Christmas would come early that year.\u00a0 And with this in mind, and some thought cast obviously toward his rosy cheeks, Gar proclaimed himself to be the one and only true Santa Claus.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It is natural to assume that with the way department stores operate it would be relatively easy to procure a Santa suit on the last day of October.\u00a0 Christmas stock usually floods the shelves shortly after Labor Day and still can be purchased, although at a much reduced discount, up until Valentine’s Day.\u00a0 Some of the greatest gifts to a loved one on February 14th are those left unsold from December 25th.\u00a0 So we believed finding St. Nicholas attire for Gar would be a relatively simple task.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I would like to shorten this narrative by being able to say we found our Holy Grail at our first stop.\u00a0 Such was not the case.\u00a0 It would be almost as brief if I could say it was attained within our next ten attempts.\u00a0 It was not.\u00a0 Nowhere in our entire search could we track down a red suit with white cuffs, black belt, matching cap, and white beard.\u00a0 We became so desperate in our quest that we would have gladly stripped a mannequin of said clothing or accosted the Santa Claus in the mall for his uniform if wasn’t for the fact that none abounded.\u00a0 There just were no Santa Claus suits to be had.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Now, at this point, any normal person would have given up hope.\u00a0 We gave up hope.\u00a0 We accepted that Santa would not be putting in an appearance at the big party.\u00a0 So we settled on ending our search, buying our beer, and returning to the residence.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It is odd but in remembering this I believe I have made a mistake in my recollection.\u00a0 Gar had not given up hope.\u00a0 I recall now I had but Gar had not.\u00a0 He had kept thinking this problem through.\u00a0 Perhaps this was the reason he stopped so quickly in mid-stride and dashed just as quickly across the street and into an Army Surplus store.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I was bewildered! I was annoyed! I had been left to carry the beer!<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It’s always in retrospect that you realize the advantage of situations such as I was in.\u00a0 It occurs to me now Gar had, in leaving me in charge of the brew, given up his part ownership in the beer.\u00a0 I could have made a very strong case about the case.\u00a0 I could have indulged myself there and then and have been done with it.\u00a0 These brilliant ideas however did not occur to me at that time.\u00a0 I only grumbled, shouldered my burden, and set out after the Gar.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 By the time I had recovered from Gar’s hasty departure and made my way across the busy thoroughfare I found my quarry exiting with a mid-size package under his arm.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Feast your eyes on this,” he said, thrusting his trophy towards me.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “What is it?” I queried, thrusting the beer back in return.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He didn’t answer and so I gazed at the contents.\u00a0 It was, in short, a one piece, full length, red pair of men’s flannel long johns with buttons up the front and no escape hatch in the rear.\u00a0 Our search had borne fruit…Fruit of the Loom as a matter of fact.\u00a0 All that was needed was a beard.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “And I’ve got enough left for dinner at the dining hall.”<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I wasn’t sure if I should have been totally happy for him at that point.\u00a0 He had his costume.\u00a0 He had his libation.\u00a0 He had to eat at the dining hall.\u00a0 Two out of three weren’t bad.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I suppose I should eventually detail the experience of eating at the school dining-hall.\u00a0 But not now.\u00a0 Suffice to say it is akin to eating in any cafeteria with three exceptions.\u00a0 One, it’s inexpensive.\u00a0 Two, seconds and refills are optional.\u00a0 And three, to which I still shudder on occasion, meals on special holidays are appropriately theme related.\u00a0 Unfortunately this was Halloween and orange pumpkin meatloaf and black cat mashed potatoes were probably the fare of the evening.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “What about the beard?” I asked.\u00a0 I knew Gar needed to be reminded of this detail.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Have you anything I can use?”<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “No, not unless you’re keen on plucking the cotton swabs off an entire box of Q-tips.”\u00a0 The thought of my suggestion conjured up an immediate image of this red clad cherub fumbling with small cotton strands and a glue stick to produce an authentic looking set of whiskers.\u00a0 His exuberant use of profanity in that vision soon brought me out of my reverie.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “That’s not a bad idea,” Gar proclaimed.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Yes it is!\u00a0 I was only make a joke at your expense.”<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “No, the cotton.\u00a0 But where do we get enough?\u00a0 What we need is a big roll of it.”<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I waited for a lull in his conversation with himself before offering my obvious suggestion.\u00a0 “A pharmacy?”<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Of course my recommendation was met with great acceptance.\u00a0 I was immediately given that great finger response.\u00a0 No, not that one.\u00a0 Instead Gar snapped his fingers and pointed at me.\u00a0 I had offered a viable option.\u00a0 And we were off again.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I imagine we must have been a sight as we bounded into the nearest drugstore with our case of beer and enthusiastic outlook.\u00a0 I was just glad that no one knew the purpose of our spree.\u00a0 I believe I might have been less embarrassed had I been there to buy condoms or women’s sanitary products.\u00a0 In the end I was just happy that no one could see the contents of Gar’s previous purchase.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We immediately located the rolls of cotton but in doing so developed another dilemma.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “I haven’t got enough.\u00a0 It’s the beard or no meal.”<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I thought the choice was obvious when weighed against the dinner menu.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Can I help you gentlemen?”<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Why is it when you’re trying to attract the least amount of attention you always succeed in attracting at least the attention of the proprietor?\u00a0 I wanted nothing more than to be somewhere else at that moment.\u00a0 Was there a cyanide aisle in the Pharmacy?<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “I need some cotton for a beard.”\u00a0 The truth, Gar believed, was always the best recourse.\u00a0 At least it sounded marginally credible compared to any other lies we might have fabricated.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “How much approximately would you need?” queried the druggist.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Assaying the contents of his wallet and the change in his pocket Gar cautiously replied.\u00a0 “About twelve cents worth.”<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well that’s that, I thought.\u00a0 We knew where the exit was and I was sure we would be asked to quietly use it.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Just a moment,” the druggist replied and disappeared into a back room.\u00a0 It wasn’t bad enough we were going to be asked to leave the premises but the druggist obviously felt it necessary to search out reinforcements to assist us in a speedy egress.\u00a0 I’m sure this point was not lost on Gar either but he was determined to see this thing through and, as I was determined not to have to carry the beer alone, I stood pat as well.\u00a0 We were a shoe-in to be the lead story on the six o’clock news.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Here you go.”<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It was the druggist.\u00a0 In his absence I had been investigating routes of escape and had not taken notice of his reappearance.\u00a0 I turned half expecting to find him flanked on either side by cashiers armed with pricing guns, or mortars and pestles, or hair spray at the very least.\u00a0 Instead I faced cotton…enough for one Gar face.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “How much?” was Gar’s obvious response.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Take it.\u00a0 It’s yours.\u00a0 You obviously need it more than we do.\u00a0 We only use it for stuffing prescription bottles.\u00a0 We have plenty.”\u00a0 The druggist was sincere.\u00a0 There was no humor intended in his offer.\u00a0 Perhaps this sort of thing was commonplace on Halloween.\u00a0 Perhaps the druggist sensed Gar’s predicament and sympathized due to a similar type experience in his own youth.\u00a0 Perhaps it was a peace offering in exchange for our immediate departure.\u00a0 Both Gar and I, acting on the belief it was the latter, gave our thanks and left with our prize.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Gar had his costume and his beard.\u00a0 It had been an ordeal but also a triumph.\u00a0 All that remained between the party and us was dinner.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I don’t wish to detail the dinner experience that followed as, other than having to eat food out of some necessity known as hunger, it was in all uneventful.\u00a0 It was also on the whole inedible.\u00a0 Our mealtime regrouping though did provide for an opportunity for conversation through which Gar and I could boast of our mighty feat.\u00a0 Few of our comrades however believed the tale of our excursion while others refused to show the slightest bit of interest.\u00a0 Gar and I nevertheless reveled in our accomplishment and then readied ourselves for the party where we no doubt would again regale others of our pilgrimage.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The last bit of detail for Gar’s costume was supplied in the form of my pillowcase.\u00a0 Gar knew it would be unthinkable for Santa Claus to arrive without his proverbial bag of toys and so he did this routine one better by outfitting himself with a sack of beer.\u00a0 Santa Claus was generous indeed.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Memory does not serve me well what outfits our other cohorts wore.\u00a0 Gar was obvious and I recollect myself being clothed in some medical uniform in order to resemble a Doctor.\u00a0 The details are not important.\u00a0 It was a Halloween party and I’m sure there were the requisite amount of cowboys, cowgirls, greasers, Elvises, comic book heroes, aliens, and generally scary human beings.\u00a0 Some of whom were actually wearing costumes.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 When we arrived at the party it was already in full swing with few only slightly inebriated.\u00a0 I need to point out other than the beer in Gar’s sack there was alcohol available for purchase at a small cash bar set up in the corner of the party location.\u00a0 This is important to note as the beer disappeared quite quickly as Santa Claus became more and more fueled with the Christmas spirit or, that is to say, the more the spirits fueled the Gar.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I had taken notice that after the sack was emptied Gar occasionally frequented the bar and made overtures of reaching into his groin area and extracting his wallet.\u00a0 I had forgotten there were no pockets in his costume and, save for his wallet, Gar’s belongings and street clothes were safely housed in my room.\u00a0 This left only one convenient spot on his person where he could keep his billfold and have access to it by unfastening just a few buttons.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 A few years later it occurred to me something odd had taken place at that party which I had visually noted but had never completely absorbed.\u00a0 It was this:\u00a0 WHAT WAS GAR DOING BUYING BEER AT THE PARTY WHEN HE TOLD ME HE HAD ONLY ENOUGH MONEY LEFT FOR DINNER AND NOT COTTON!?\u00a0 He had held out on me! He had put us in a humiliating situation with the pharmacist without there really having been a need to do so! He had been cheap!<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It is now too many years later to justly exact my revenge for this deed as I should have done so that night.\u00a0 I’m sure the statute of limitations for the crime of embarrassment has long since run out.\u00a0 Lucky for me, Gar did however suffer something of a retribution at my hands that evening although unintentionally.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The party had waned on into the late hours with music and dancing and ribald tales that were only slightly seasoned with truth.\u00a0 Gar and I were not the centers of attention although we did attract small crowds of onlookers and disbelievers as we retold our story of the day.\u00a0 It had been, for the most part, a good first big party and when it broke up we were all generally pleased and more than filled with that certain inner glow which comes of friendly times and domestic beer.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It was a good thing that my residence was just a simple one-minute walk away from the party location.\u00a0 I knew in my mild state of stupor I could safely maneuver that short distance and somehow I could again find my room.\u00a0 My bed was beckoning and it was a simple task to bid goodnight to friends and find my way to my waiting bunk.\u00a0 I did not feel the people with whom I attended the party were my responsibility with the exception of the Gar who lived downtown.\u00a0 It was a considerable hike at that hour of the night and I would have gladly offered him temporary shelter if it hadn’t been for a well-timed late bus at that very moment.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I’ll say this about bus service in college towns.\u00a0 They are generally overcrowded but also accommodating. \u00a0The commission always seems to be prepared for the worst and always seems to have late buses on special occasions.\u00a0 This is of course a convenience for the students but an inconvenience for the driver…unless he’s being paid overtime or danger pay at the very least.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I motioned to Gar he too could sleep in his own bed if he took advantage of this bus.\u00a0 I knew from his trips to the bar and the hand gestures at his crotch he had his wallet and that meant he had his bus pass.\u00a0 He acknowledged as much and made his way aboard the transport with a few well-phrased goodnights and a few well-emphasized obscenities.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I stood watching the bus pull away and realized that as quick as that Santa was on his return trip to the North Pole.\u00a0 I only hoped our next visit from Father Christmas was after an appropriate rest period.\u00a0 Gar was easier to take in the daylight if your mind was clear and your brain dried out.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I’m not clear exactly what transpired immediately after Gar’s departure but I do remember I did not return with haste to my own room, as I had wanted.\u00a0 Several of us departed for another friend’s domicile within walking distance and there continued on with our celebration.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It may seem anticlimactic that we were cavorting after the big party had ended.\u00a0 It may seem that way but it wasn’t.\u00a0 The climax was only then about to arrive because twenty minutes into our post festivities we were all surprised by someone’s sudden entrance through a screen window.\u00a0 It was an unexpected return visit from Father Christmas.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Gar was red.\u00a0 That is to say his face was red.\u00a0 The costume was still intact but the beard was gone.\u00a0 In its place was the rosy cheek individual who had obviously run some marathon of which we were all unaware.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Huffing and puffing he made short work of the screen and proceeded to make for one of the pigs in the house.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “I’ll kill you as soon as I catch my breath.”<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I didn’t need to stop and think who his victim would be.\u00a0 It was clear by his futile attempts to lock his hands about my neck I had done something to anger Santa Claus.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “What did I do?” I asked, moving quickly out of reach of his flailing limbs.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “My keys are in your room with my clothes! Do you know what it’s like to run up the main street in the middle of the night in long johns?\u00a0 I was propositioned at least twice.\u00a0 I might have stopped to consider the offers if I wasn’t so hell bent on getting back here and killing you!”<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 At any other time I might have regarded Gar’s predicament as comical.\u00a0 In an attempt however to stay clear of his wrath I was not allowed the opportunity to view the humor in all of this.\u00a0 I knew at any moment I might be as red as he from my own blood if something weren’t done to subdue his rage.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I thought quickly and with open arms extended a gesture that I hoped would be taken in friendship.\u00a0 In other words I offered him a beer.\u00a0 It was accepted and the promise of death was quelled…for the moment.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I knew I was in a dangerous situation and in realizing as much followed up the beer with another enticing offer.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “Look, you can sleep on my floor tonight and go home in the morning.”<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It was a very small courtesy I had to offer but Gar accepted.\u00a0 There wasn’t much else beyond that.\u00a0 We went back to my room and Gar slept on my floor with my pillow while I lay awake with my eyes on the Gar for most of the night.\u00a0 I was in no mood to trust him implicitly not to kill me while I slept.<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 “You know, I would have killed you while you slept,” he said the next morning, “if you hadn’t have let me use your pillow last night.”<\/h3>\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I suppose he would have done just that if it weren\u2019t for the tiny gesture of offering up my pillow.\u00a0 That and something else for which I’m sure he felt guilty.\u00a0 In all the commotion of the party he had somehow lost my pillowcase that he had used as a sack.\u00a0 To this day I still wonder what happened to that case.\u00a0 It no doubt was lost for all time.\u00a0 The pillow to which it belonged however became my edge against death at Gar’s hands.\u00a0 I believe in some bizarre way the two things made Gar and I even\u2026at least until the next time.<\/h3>\n<\/h4>\n
\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 With Halloween coming on I thought I’d write a blahg about what scares me.\u00a0 Recently I’ve been revisiting things that once frightened me or I avoided because I was afraid of these things when I was younger.\u00a0 It’s silly what scared you then and what you’ve been so acclimatized to that it doesn’t bother […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/564"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=564"}],"version-history":[{"count":17,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/564\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4834,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/564\/revisions\/4834"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=564"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=564"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=564"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
![\"Scott](\"http:\/\/www.falseducks.com\/mrcool.jpg\")
Recently I’ve been revisiting things that once frightened me or I avoided because I was afraid of these things when I was younger.\u00a0 It’s silly what scared you then and what you’ve been so acclimatized to that it doesn’t bother you now.\u00a0 I have to admit you might find some of these things funny and you may have a laugh at my expense.\u00a0 Go ahead.\u00a0 Pay as you exit.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n![\"Cannibal](\"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/images\/cannibal.jpg\")
<\/span><\/strong>h “The Walking Dead” on a regular basis.\u00a0 This past week an episode of “The Walking Dead” reminded<\/span><\/strong> me of something that scared me when I was younger and still scares me:\u00a0 Cannibalism!\u00a0 I don’t know what it is about Cannibalism but I’ve avoided watching movies or television shows that deal with this topic.\u00a0 Maybe it’s because the subject matter has come a long way from the traditional missionary in a cooking pot.\u00a0 Can’t think about it.\u00a0 Can’t talk about it.\u00a0 Moving on.\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n