{"id":6549,"date":"2024-12-23T22:16:59","date_gmt":"2024-12-23T16:16:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/?p=6549"},"modified":"2024-12-27T20:55:12","modified_gmt":"2024-12-27T14:55:12","slug":"the-xmas-dip","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/?p=6549","title":{"rendered":"THE XMAS DIP"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Two more sleeps until Christmas.<\/span><\/strong>\"Santa\u00a0 I thought I was done with writing Christmas stories for this season but I managed to pen a new one since posting SEVEN FEET OF SNOW IN BUFFALO<\/a>.\u00a0 This story is a sequel to the one I wrote and debuted last year around this time, A VERY QUIET CHRISTMAS PLAN.<\/a>\u00a0 Do yourself a favour and read that one first.\u00a0 My new story features the two characters of\u00a0 Philip and his dog Carnival Barker.\u00a0 I had this idea running around in my brain and realized it would be a decent story for those characters.\u00a0 It’s not the best Christmas story I’ve ever written but I think it’ll offer some entertainment.
\n<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 Before I present the story, I’ll post some photos of my lawn display and some photos of my Christmas Tree, my Nutcrackers, and my mantle display.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Inflatables<\/a><\/p>\n

\"Inflatables<\/a><\/p>\n

\"Inflatables<\/a><\/p>\n

\"Inflatables<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\"Nutcrackers\"<\/a><\/h3>\n

\"Mantle<\/a><\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 Don’t forget to click on the images for a larger view.\u00a0 And now for the story.\u00a0 Enjoy!
\n<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

THE XMAS DIP<\/h3>\n

by<\/h3>\n

Scott Henderson<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Philip stared at the sign-up sheet for the staff Christmas Party which was mainly just a glorified potluck where everyone stood around with paper cups and paper plates and paper hats and paste-on smiles that made Philip feel like everyone obviously wished to be somewhere else other than the staff Christmas Party.\u00a0 Well, that was how Philip felt and with the only slot open on the sheet next to \u2018Xmas Dip\u2019 he felt like he\u2019d rather be anywhere else other than standing there with pen in hand realizing he\u2019d left it too late and was stuck bringing \u2018Xmas Dip\u2019; whatever the hell that was.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWhat the hell is Xmas Dip anyhow?\u201d he said aloud to the sign-up sheet.\u00a0 There was no response.\u00a0 If there had been a response, it would have said something along the line of \u201cwhat do you want from me, I\u2019m just a signup sheet after all, and it was you that left everything to the last minute.\u201d<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It was true, he had left it to the last minute but in his mind he\u2019d had some really good excuses like he didn\u2019t really want to go to the Christmas Party or everyone else was already signing up just when he was getting his mind around to thinking about signing up, or why bother to sign up because all the good stuff will be taken and he\u2019d be stuck bringing something everyone else clearly didn\u2019t want to opt to bring\u2026such as Xmas Dip and that had to be the last thing anyone else wanted to bring or else they too had no clue what it was.\u00a0 Philip sighed.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWhy couldn\u2019t it be like last year when we didn\u2019t have a Christmas Party?\u201d he asked aloud again but to nothing in particular.\u00a0 The conversation with the signup sheet had been all one-sided and had gotten him nowhere.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Of course Philip knew the answer to that.\u00a0 Last year there had been a Christmas Party but they had called it a Christmas Gift Exchange or Secret Santa or something else that sounded festive unless you tacked on an expletive in the front and that just about summed up how he had felt about the whole thing and more so about this new Party thing and the mysterious Xmas Dip that made his head swim.\u00a0 And maybe that\u2019s what it was, he thought, a glorified swim where\u2019d have to strip down and plunge into cold water and yet that sounded even more appealing than standing around with the paper cups and paper ad infinitum rot.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He took a long breath in, exhaled, and then scrawled his name in the last open slot on the sheet.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t make him feel any less uneasy now that he\u2019d accomplished it.\u00a0 All he knew was he had to figure out what this thing was he was supposed to bring and whether it required him to make it or if he could get away with purchasing it somewhere.\u00a0 He hoped for the latter.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Philip thought back on last year\u2019s gift exchange and how poorly that had gone for him.\u00a0 He had drawn the name of someone he had not known well and even less well when it came to deciding what gift to purchase for that person.\u00a0 Sheila.\u00a0 Who was Sheila he had asked himself and then had to ask of others because he\u2019d drawn a blank and then thought to himself that he wished he had drawn a blank\u2026piece of paper that is, for all the effort he wanted to put into the exchange. \u00a0\u00a0In the end, Philip did exactly what others did who really didn\u2019t want to put much thought into it.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 There had been a limit of twenty dollars and that still didn\u2019t narrow things down for Philip so he took a chance that perhaps Sheila liked coffee or at least would like the twenty dollar coffee shop gift card he decided on at the last minute.\u00a0 It was for a national chain he\u2019d seen on a number of cups on people\u2019s desks or overflowing the garbage can in the break room.\u00a0 Maybe Sheila was one of those who liked that coffee and a guess was more than he could make out on his own with the little he knew of the recipient whose name he had chosen.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 More than half of the employees had received coffee gift cards.\u00a0 Philip was not exempt.\u00a0 His had been to a coffee boutique and that experience had set him off and he felt like the whole Christmastime and yule whatever was wasted on him and he just wanted to have a quiet Christmas that had no rules and no bodies.\u00a0 It was about all he thought he could stand without going overboard like wearing a paper hat and balancing a paper plate on your lap with a paper thin smile and yet he had to seem grateful for the coffee shop gift card he received and look as if he cared when Sheila opened the one he had purchased for her.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Thinking on all of it, Philip could see how anyone who didn\u2019t really know him or maybe did know him, and there weren\u2019t a lot of those, and truth be told if there was a sign-up sheet to list off people who really did know him, there\u2019d be a lot of blanks that would never be filled and all of those would think that Philip just wasn\u2019t that in to Christmas.\u00a0 Philip knew himself better than anyone possibly could and even he could see that was the definite impression he was giving off; whether he meant to or not.\u00a0 And Philip wasn\u2019t even sure himself if that was his intention.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It really did start with the previous Christmas and how miserable he had been feeling and finding himself at a gift exchange congregation that wasn\u2019t billed as a Christmas party and how it all left him totally uneasy when it came to social interactions.\u00a0 Philip worked in IT and that was about as in the background as you could get in a company like the one where he worked.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t like the other man-childs like Kenny or Jimmy or Dave-O who had cute nicknames and took nothing seriously except IT and then complained the loudest among themselves when anyone else did not take IT as seriously as they did.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The man-childs were always the fun ones at any gathering because they had the best jokes and the best stories and Philip felt like he paled by comparison.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t good at jokes and seldom remembered the punchlines and he didn\u2019t have humorous anecdotes or interesting stories and he didn\u2019t like to make IT jokes about other employees at their expense like Kenny, Jimmy or Dave-O.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Thinking about it, though, Philip did have an interesting story but the telling of it last year would have made him seem pathetic or lonely or a number of other sad adjectives that clearly defined him but he didn\u2019t care to admit to.\u00a0 He could have told about his girlfriend Margo and how she had followed him home form the park one day and then left him months later on a mission of self-discovery and inexplicably took Carnival Barker.\u00a0 He could have told as well about Carnival Barker, his dog, who had also followed him home one day and gained his name because he barked incessantly like a circus rowdy enticing people to crooked games or flamboyant shows of wild men of Borneo or seven-veiled women who danced the hoochie coochie; a dance just as mysterious as the Xmas Dip Philip had now committed to bringing.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And because no one really knew Philip, they didn\u2019t get to hear that story about how sad he\u2019d been feeling last Christmas and that he wasn\u2019t really missing Margo but would have given anything to wake up on December 25th<\/sup> to the sounds of Carnival Barker extolling the virtues of Christmas morning.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Oh yes, and there had also been that turkey raffle that had disturbed all his plans for a very quiet Christmas but that was another story altogether and no one had been able to attend his last minute gathering and Christmas Eve had turned out to be quiet in spite of his efforts to work the fresh not frozen turkey he had won into something even better than a gift exchange with paper hats.\u00a0 The specialty shop coffee card had further added to his overall dismal feeling when he finally got around to visiting the store on the last day before it had closed for the holidays and he paid dearly for overpriced exotic coffee and was disturbed by the artisan baked dog biscuits at the counter that enticed owners to visit the shop with their pets in tow and he knew Carnival Barker would have enjoyed one but the dog was off somewhere with Margo and Christmas for Philip had not been looking merry and bright.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 He could have told that story because it was certainly interesting but it had been an unfinished story and he didn\u2019t know at the time it would have a happy ending with Margo returning with Carnival Barker on Christmas Day.\u00a0 It had an even more happier ending when Margo left in the new year and Carnival Barker stayed.\u00a0 There was nothing however that would prevent Philip from telling that story this time around except that in reflection it probably wouldn\u2019t be all that interesting to anyone else.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This year, it was just Philip and Carnival Barker and another very quiet Christmas plan that would be preceded by a staff Christmas Party with Xmas Dip.\u00a0 Philip pulled out his phone and dictated a reminder for himself after work to research Xmas Dip.\u00a0 Maybe he could work that into a humorous story he could tell to others but imagined the man-childs would probably have more entertaining tales of other employees who couldn\u2019t print over the network and when Jimmy or Kenny or Dave-O finally got around to resolving their issue, the printer would ultimately jam under the stress of numerous copies of the same document because the employee had kept pressing \u2018print\u2019 over and over again in a futile effort to complete their task.\u00a0 The inside joke among the IT crowd was that those errors were not caused by the hardware or the software but by \u2018user interface.\u2019\u00a0 That was a sly poke at the employee who always lost the battle in employee vs. machine.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 After work, Philip did his best to decipher the enigma of Xmas Dip.\u00a0 It did not go well.\u00a0 Search engine results ran the gamut between vegetable, meat, and dessert dips layered or unlayered with or without sour cream, whip cream, dairy substitute, faux meats, real meats and sundry vegetarian options.\u00a0 There were even photos that weren\u2019t clear and when Philip clicked on them, he invariably went down a rabbit hole of ingredients, preparation steps, cooking times, chilling times, and tests for doneness depending on how gelatinous or not the maker cared to make it.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cDoes this look good to you?\u201d Philip found himself asking of Carnival Barker.\u00a0 The dog did not live up to his name and remained silent while he stared at his owner contemplating images on the screen in which the pooch had no interest.\u00a0 He was after all, a dog who knew nothing of computers but if he did, he\u2019d shake his head, whine, and chalk up his owner\u2019s indecisiveness to problems of user interface.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Philip selected a link labelled \u2018Xmas Dip On Xmas Day\u2019 and was surprised by a video of Nordic participants plunging into icy waters; with or without Santa hats.\u00a0 Philip felt affirmed that at least one of his thoughts regarding Xmas Dip had held some truth.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHow about this one?\u201d he asked again of the dog.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 This time Carnival Barker gave out with a yelp, not because he understood what he was seeing but the audio was loud enough that he could distinctly hear the baying of other dogs either participating in the event or signaling to their masters and mistresses that dry land was a good deal more suitable and significantly and preferably warmer.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re a lot of help, Carnival Barker.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think this is what the sign-up sheet called for.\u00a0 Besides, I don\u2019t think I\u2019d look all that good in a speedo at the Christmas Party looking for a body of water and having to settle for drenching myself with paper cups filled from the water cooler.\u201d\u00a0 Philip began to laugh at his joke.\u00a0 He\u2019d have to remember that one.\u00a0 Maybe he\u2019d have something to tell if he found a lull in the conversation with the man-childs.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Philip closed his eyes and poked a finger at a screen full of photos and followed through to a directions page for White Cheddar Cranberry Dip described as \u201ca salty, sweet, and festive dip!\u201d\u00a0 It further exclaimed \u201cIt\u2019s great for a holiday party or a tasty snack.\u201d<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cHoliday party.\u00a0 I guess that\u2019s it boy!\u201d<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 At this, Carnival Barker began to yap; signally only that he had to go outside to do his business and no reflection intended on Philip\u2019s selection.<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The day of the Christmas Party was not as bad as Philip had dreaded.\u00a0 It was slightly worse.<\/h3>\n

First, his Xmas Dip didn\u2019t work out as well as he had hoped.\u00a0 This time it was not User Interface but rather Canine Interference.\u00a0 The instructions had been fairly easy and very clear when directing him to prepare and assemble the dip as written. It had also directed him to cover and refrigerate for up to one day.\u00a0 That was fine with Philip because it meant he could leave it to the last minute or day before and could pull it out the morning of the party.\u00a0 Unfortunately, Philip did not factor in Carnival Barker and a moment of unguarded supervision when the dog expressed his satisfaction with Philip\u2019s efforts on the dip by wolfing it down and licking the bowl clean.<\/h3>\n

Second, Philip had to leave for work early so he could stop off at the supermarket and find a pre-packaged dip.\u00a0 The selection was minimal and he had to settle for two plastic containers; one dill flavored and one with chives.\u00a0 Neither looked very festive and he was sure he\u2019d be accused of making little or no effort.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t think telling everyone the dog ate his assignment would be convincing.<\/h3>\n

For the rest of the party, the man-childs monopolized most of the conversations or poked fun at others and their computer expertise or lack thereof.\u00a0 There were even some comments about food items brought by others to the party and inevitably some jibes about the store-bought Xmas Dip.<\/h3>\n

Philip wanted to defend himself and lay blame at Carnival Barker but instead decided a better distraction would be to offer up one of the results of his Internet search.<\/h3>\n

\u201cDid you know that Xmas Dip also refers to cold water plunging in countries like Sweden, Switzerland, and Norway?\u201d\u00a0 Philip finally had something interesting to offer.<\/h3>\n

\u201cLike a polar dip?\u201d Jimmy asked.<\/h3>\n

\u201cHave you ever done it Phil?\u201d\u00a0 Kenny followed.<\/h3>\n

\u201cWouldn\u2019t catch me doing it,\u201d Dave-O chimed in.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t care to get frostbite in my nether regions.\u201d<\/h3>\n

\u201cI might do it,\u201d Philip quickly offered, \u201cif I don\u2019t have anything better to do on Christmas Day.\u201d\u00a0 He quickly regretted it after he\u2019d said it.<\/h3>\n

\u201cThat sure would be something,\u201d Jimmy piped up.<\/h3>\n

\u201cWhat a story you\u2019d have to tell,\u201d Kenny added.<\/h3>\n

\u201cWouldn\u2019t catch me doing it,\u201d Dave-O concluded.\u00a0 He added the part again about frostbite in his nether bits.<\/h3>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll see,\u201d Philip said.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll have to see how it fits in with my plans.\u201d\u00a0 He didn\u2019t continue to explain about his plans which weren\u2019t any kinds of plans except the very quiet Christmas type.\u00a0 He slunk off quietly from the man-childs and decided to leave the party early.\u00a0 No one noticed.\u00a0 He left his containers of Xmas Dip for any and all takers.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t think there would be many and that more likely than not they\u2019d end up in the trash with all the paper garbage.\u00a0 Those Xmas Dips and the one consumed by Carnival Barker would not be stored as future Christmas memories.<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

On Christmas Day, Philip cooked a turkey with all of the trimmings.\u00a0 He ate early and made sure he set a place for Carnival Barker at the table.\u00a0 He left the dishes to soak in the sink and instead of a nap, decided to take his dog for a long after-dinner walk.\u00a0 This was the quiet Christmas plan he\u2019d had in mind.<\/h3>\n

In addition to his quiet Christmas plans, Philip had also been thinking long and hard about his conversation at the Christmas Party with the man-childs regarding his non-committal committal to a Christmas Day Xmas Dip; not of the edible kind.\u00a0 The Nordic themed plunge hadn\u2019t been anything he\u2019d intended to do and yet he\u2019d left it hanging and wasn\u2019t sure that after the Christmas break Jimmy or Kenny or Dave-O might not seek him out and ask him details of his adventure.\u00a0 What would they say if he didn\u2019t follow through?\u00a0 Could he bluff an interesting highly invented story?\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t good with stories to begin with and lying had never been his strong suit.<\/h3>\n

In Philip\u2019s mind there were many good and rational reasons why he should avoid freezing cold water and nothing that suggested it was a good idea.\u00a0 Maybe that\u2019s why Philip kept thinking on it.\u00a0 He\u2019d penned his name in the empty spot next to Xmas Dip on that sheet at the office and in Philip\u2019s mind it meant he was pledged to follow through on his obligation.\u00a0 Nowhere had that paper detailed Xmas Dip as an edible product.\u00a0 It could just as well have been referring to an action instead of a noun describing a festive dish homemade or store purchased.\u00a0 He\u2019d failed in one aspect so shouldn\u2019t he try to succeed in the other?<\/h3>\n

On Christmas Eve there were no sugarplums dancing in Philip\u2019s head nor the myriad of things associated with his and Carnival Barker\u2019s dinner plans.\u00a0 Instead, he dreamt fitfully of sub-zero water calling to him and Jimmy, Kenny, and Dave-O daring him on.<\/h3>\n

Philip tried to push the Xmas Dip swim aside while he prepared Christmas dinner but the thoughts lingered around the edge and when he added ice to his glass of liqueur served with his turkey, he found himself staring intently at his libation and wondering.<\/h3>\n

After dinner he grabbed up Carnival Barker\u2019s leash and pulled on his toque and gloves.\u00a0 The dog saw something bulging in the deep pockets of Philip\u2019s parka but thought little of it.\u00a0 Dogs don\u2019t wonder much about pockets and if they do it\u2019s with curiosity whether said pockets held dog treats or biscuits\u2026not necessarily of the specialty coffee boutique variety.<\/h3>\n

Philip would often walk out to the park with man\u2019s best friend.\u00a0 It had been the sight of their first meeting.\u00a0 Philip had walked around the lake in the center of the park and come across Carnival Barker sprawled out underneath a tree.\u00a0 Philip had given little thought to the dog other than it was off leash and somewhere there was an irresponsible owner.\u00a0 He\u2019d hardly glanced at the dog as he passed and didn\u2019t look back the whole way home or he would have discovered the hound following him.\u00a0 Dogs might not ponder on computer recipes or the contents of pockets but it was clear that they gave great thought to potential new custodians.<\/h3>\n

Carnival Barker had come into Philip\u2019s life and stayed; except when he went sojourning with Margo.\u00a0 Philip\u2019s ex female friend and his ex, but long longed for, furry friend had returned to him the previous Christmas.\u00a0 But that was another story and Philip\u2019s thoughts were on this current Christmas and the Xmas Dip.<\/h3>\n

Philip let the dog lead.\u00a0 It knew the way.\u00a0 The park and the lake at the center were in Philip\u2019s thoughts so if he guided the dog along in that direction, Carnival Barker was none the wiser.<\/h3>\n

The lake was frozen over.<\/h3>\n

\u201cWell, there goes that thought,\u201d Philip said aloud.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t directing it to the dog because the thought had not been one he\u2019d shared.\u00a0 It was also a thought not well thought out.\u00a0 Of course the lake would be frozen.\u00a0 It was winter and late December.\u00a0 Philip\u2019s thought had proven he had not been thinking at all.<\/h3>\n

Philip sighed.\u00a0 It was very much like the sigh he had made before signing up for Xmas Dip for the staff Christmas Party.\u00a0 Both sighs were akin to having to admit defeat.\u00a0 Xmas Dip and Xmas Dip.\u00a0 Philip felt he had failed on both accounts.<\/h3>\n

The lake was frozen over.\u00a0 There was nothing to be done.\u00a0 Philip reached into his pocket and pulled out an old towel he had bunched up at home and pressed down into his pocket.<\/h3>\n

\u201cI guess I won\u2019t be needing this,\u201d he said as he tossed the towel onto a nearby bench.\u00a0 Philip sat down dejectedly.<\/h3>\n

Carnival Barker sat down in front of Philip and stared.\u00a0 He understood none of this.\u00a0 All he knew was there had been no treats in Philip\u2019s pocket in any case but then he\u2019d not given it much thought as dog\u2019s seldom do.\u00a0 He did however sense that something was wrong though so he reached up and put a paw on Philip\u2019s knee.<\/h3>\n

\u201cI know boy, this hasn\u2019t been much fun for either of us.\u201d\u00a0 Philip extended a hand, pat the dog, and then reached beside him and grabbed up a stick lying on the ground.\u00a0 Despite his original thought against free range dogs when he had first encountered Carnival Barker, he would nonetheless indulge himself with a game of fetch whenever they found themselves alone in the park.<\/h3>\n

\u201cHow about I toss the stick, fella, before we head home?\u201d\u00a0 He unleashed Carnival Barker and gave the stick a hearty throw down the path that wound around the lake.<\/h3>\n

Carnival Barker was off in a shot and retrieved the stick and kept on running.\u00a0 Philip ran after him.\u00a0 It was always like this.\u00a0 The dog didn\u2019t so much as play fetch as he played keep away.\u00a0 He\u2019d always lead Philip on a merry chase until the dog tired or more likely the human tired and gave up and turned away with the dog finally following behind because the fun had gone out of the game.<\/h3>\n

Philip chased the dog along the path and finally came up alongside Carnival Barker and then made a lunge for the stick in his mouth.\u00a0 The mutt liked this interaction and made a lunge of his own and sped off across the lake.\u00a0 Philip followed and called after the dog.<\/h3>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s enough Carnival Barker.\u00a0 It\u2019s time to go home.\u00a0 Besides, I don\u2019t like the looks of this ice.\u201d\u00a0 It was precisely at that moment that the ice revolted against the remark of its looks and gave way; plunging Philip up to his chest in frigid water.<\/h3>\n

Philip began to howl and bounce up and down to try and clamber back up on the ice.<\/h3>\n

Carnival Barker began to bounce up and down and howl back at Philip.<\/h3>\n

\u201cFor god\u2019s sake, Carnival Barker, shut up!\u00a0 Can\u2019t you see I\u2019m in trouble here?\u201d\u00a0 Philip shouted through chattering teeth.<\/h3>\n

Carnival Barker did shut up and then retrieved the stick he had dropped when he\u2019d howled at Philip howling in the water.\u00a0 He ran off back toward the shore.<\/h3>\n

\u201cThis isn\u2019t a game, you dumb mutt!\u201d Philip shouted in aggravation.\u00a0 The dog was too far away to hear the \u2018dumb mutt\u2019 insult.\u00a0 Not that he\u2019d care.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t the dumb one who had fallen through the ice.<\/h3>\n

It seemed like an eternity as Philip struggled to pull himself up onto the ice.\u00a0 He\u2019d read somewhere that you had to get your upper half out of the water and then wriggle and kick until you were free.\u00a0 Then you were required to keep yourself flat and distribute your weight evenly in order to not cause the ice to further give way.\u00a0 That was the eternity Philip spent trying to distance himself from the hole he\u2019d created and trying to prevent another plunge into the cold lake.<\/h3>\n

His nether parts, as Dave-O had surmised were adversely affected.\u00a0 Philip\u2019s legs and feet were like ice.\u00a0 His boots were full of water.\u00a0 He continued to writhe his way toward the shore.<\/h3>\n

Meanwhile, Carnival Barker had made good on his name and had run off yelping until he encountered another human who might be able to help his.\u00a0 A woman out for her Christmas Day constitutional had followed the sounds of the dog and came across the scene of poor Philip floundering on his stomach toward her direction.<\/h3>\n

The dog had given up all interest in the stick.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t a quality game anymore because it seemed like Philip didn\u2019t appear to be interested in their play.\u00a0 Instead, he chomped onto the abandoned towel and ran around shaking it vigorously.\u00a0 He liked the way it slapped against his head.\u00a0 Maybe his owner would like to partake in this new sport.\u00a0 He ran toward Philip to try and engage him.<\/h3>\n

\u201cOh my, are you alright?\u201d the woman yelled toward Philip.<\/h3>\n

Philip tilted his head up to try and see who was there.\u00a0 Carnival Barker ran up and smacked him with the towel.\u00a0 Philip managed to grab the bottom of the cloth and the dog began to pull away.\u00a0 He liked this new contest.\u00a0 He pulled harder to keep possession of his prize.\u00a0 The result was he began to pull Philip across the ice.<\/h3>\n

Soon the stranger joined in the game and began to try to wrestle the towel away from the dog\u2019s owner.\u00a0 When they had finally reached the shore, Philip released and began panting.\u00a0 Carnival Barker had been victorious.\u00a0 He dropped the towel and began to pant in unison.\u00a0 It was the most fun the dog had had since running away with the stick.<\/h3>\n

\u201cHere, let me help you up,\u201d the woman said while wrapping the dog\u2019s trophy towel around Philip\u2019s shoulders.\u00a0 Philip looked up at her to offer his thanks.<\/h3>\n

\u201cSheila?\u201d\u00a0 Yes, it was Sheila.\u00a0 Sheila of the coffee card.\u00a0 Sheila from his office with a position in the company he never did discover.\u00a0 The truth was, he had lost interest in solving the mystery of Sheila.\u00a0 That had all happened during the Margo kidnapping of Carnival Barker phase and he couldn\u2019t think of much else back then.<\/h3>\n

\u201cPhilip?\u201d\u00a0 She\u2019d finally managed to glimpse the face of the body that had lain flailing on the ice.\u00a0 She recognized him.\u00a0 He worked at her company in the IT department but he wasn\u2019t like the others in that department.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t tell jokes or stories like his coworkers; the kind she failed to find humorous.\u00a0 Philip was quiet and reserved.\u00a0 That impressed her more.<\/h3>\n

Of course, unlike Philip, Sheila had done her research.\u00a0 She had drawn his name in the Secret Santa at work the previous year.\u00a0 She\u2019d bought him a coffee gift card from a specialty shop where they also sold artisan dog biscuits for pets accompanied by their patrons.\u00a0 Someone had told her Philip had a dog.\u00a0 She hadn\u2019t known, at the time, that man and beast had been separated prior to that holiday season.\u00a0 Philip had kept that bit to himself.<\/h3>\n

There was nothing for it after that but for Sheila to accompany Philip and Carnival Barker home.\u00a0 She was concerned for her coworker\u2019s wellbeing.\u00a0 Frostbite was top of mind.\u00a0 It was top of mind for Philip, too.<\/h3>\n

\u201cWhat is it exactly you do at the company?\u201d Philip found himself asking of Sheila after he\u2019d changed his clothes, put on a pot of coffee, and made them turkey sandwiches.<\/h3>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll tell you my story if you tell me yours,\u201d Sheila responded.\u00a0 This frozen man from the surface of the frozen lake obviously had a tale to tell of how he found himself plunging into icy water.\u00a0 She wanted to know more.<\/h3>\n

Philip understood that in her asking was that realization that he finally had something interesting to say.\u00a0 She\u2019d said \u201ctell me your story.\u201d\u00a0 He had one.\u00a0 He had a story.\u00a0 It was partly his story and partly Carnival Barker\u2019s.\u00a0 The key thing was where should he start?<\/h3>\n

\u201cFirst,\u201d Philip began, \u201ctell me, Sheila, what do you know of Xmas Dip?\u201d<\/h3>\n

<\/h3>\n

The End<\/h3>\n

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
\n<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Two more sleeps until Christmas.\u00a0 I thought I was done with writing Christmas stories for this season but I managed to pen a new one since posting SEVEN FEET OF SNOW IN BUFFALO.\u00a0 This story is a sequel to the one I wrote and debuted last year around this time, A VERY QUIET CHRISTMAS […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[305,46,31],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6549"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6549"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6549\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6560,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6549\/revisions\/6560"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6549"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6549"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/falseducks.com\/theblahg\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6549"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}