“THE CHRISTMAS MAYONNAISE”

     My friend Bryan used to talk about his Christmas Malaise.  Santa ScottIt seemed to be an all encompassing thing that he would trot out around this time of year.  I thought it was just him being impatient with everyone and having to stand in lines and not really having a family of his own with whom he could celebrate his Holiday season.  (See how I used “whom” in a sentence?  The English major in me comes out sometimes.)  I used to refer to Bryan’s malaise as his “Christmas Mayonnaise” as he would bring it out and spread it over everything joyful during the yuletide and sometimes I thought he was laying it on a little thick.  Once, I thought about writing a humorous story about his Christmas Mayonnaise but, in the end, I thought I was making too much of it…until it happened to me. 

   I looked up the word “malaise” today and was struck by the definition provided: 

A general feeling of discomfort, illness, or uneasiness whose exact cause is difficult to identify.

Yep, that was me yesterday.  If I’m being truthful, that’s been how I’ve felt for the past week or so.  Back up to the end of last month and it starts to fall into place.  At the end of last month, November 30th, I got sick.  My wife had been home for two days with a bad cold.  I tried to avoid it and even slept in another part of the house.  That didn’t help.  On Friday November 30th, I woke up with the head cold and aches and a headache.  I stayed home from work because the next day I was going to Toronto and nothing was going to stop me. 

   Jump back even further to my birthday on September 23rd of this year.  I was in Toronto that day as well.  I had gone up to Toronto to be taken out to lunch by my daughter Emily.  Her husband Charlie, my wife Jeanette, and my son Noah were there.  Abbie was still in Britain at the time.  We all had lunch at a nice deli that served Reuben sandwiches because that’s what I wanted.  Here’s a nice photo of Emily and Charlie from that lunch:

Here’s Noah from the same lunch: 

Noah from my birthday September 23, 2023

Sorry, I don’t have a picture of my sandwich.  I’m not one of those people who takes photos of their meals to try and impress everyone.  My story should be enough.  Emily and Charlie paid for the lunch so that was their gift to me.  Noah surprised me by announcing he had purchased tickets for both of us to go see Martin Short and Steve Martin on December 1st. 

 

So that brings you up to speed.  I was sick on November 30th but I had to make it to Toronto for Steve Martin and Martin Short on December 1st. 

   I wont detail the evening with those two great comedians.  It was awesome.  I was full of medication and felt okay.  I had taken the train from Belleville to Toronto on Saturday afternoon and stayed over at a hotel near downtown Toronto.  I didn’t sleep well after the concert because I found the city too noisy and the head cold was taking hold again.  The next day I did some shopping before taking a mid-afternoon train back to Belleville.  By the time I got home, I was extremely sick.  The head cold, the aches and pains, the headache, and tiredness had knocked me down.  I did a Covid test and I tested positive.  It was my first time getting Covid.  This was after me getting my most recent booster a week before.  My wife did a test and she tested positive as well.  I stayed home for the next three days.  I pushed myself to try and get back to work because there were some things happening that I felt I needed to be there for.  I didn’t do myself any favours.  I was weakened but I pushed through it.

   Last week I tried to be on top of everything but felt I wasn’t getting ahead.  I was planning for our own Christmas, trying to help my aging Mother with her diabetes, and trying to prepare for a Christmas lunch at work to feed around fifty people.  By this past Saturday afternoon, I was sick again.  I had felt better in the morning and late in the afternoon my wife and I went to do some shopping at the Belleville Walmart.  I started feeling dizzy and while browsing the bedding aisle I felt weak enough that I had to sit down on the floor.  Then I was lying on my side on the floor.  I’m not sure what my wife was thinking but she was concerned and asked if she should call an ambulance.  I said no and managed to get up and go outside to our car.  The fresh air helped but I wasn’t feeling well for the rest of the night or the next morning.  By Sunday afternoon I felt better but I had a twinge in my lower back that hurt and wouldn’t subside. 

   Skip to yesterday.  Another busy week with lots happening at work and me at another building yesterday for yet another big Christmas lunch.  Later, I had to go back to work and then find time to go out and look for a turkey for own Christmas dinner.  I had been to three other grocery stores and hadn’t found anything I liked.  I finally managed to find one at Walmart, where I managed to stay upright for the time I was there, and did some Christmas shopping for my wife.  Unfortunately I found out later that I had bought something in the wrong size and it would require another trip back to exchange the item.  On the way home I had to go out of my way and stop off at a fishing depot and pick something up for my son-in-law for Christmas.  Driving home, I started to feel worse with a neck pain, headache, and that lower back twinge was increasing.  Add to all of that, earlier in the afternoon my Doctor’s office called to say the result of my blood test from the previous day showed that my fasting sugars were too high. 

   When I got home I was tired and sick and pretty well angry with everything.  In short I had a general feeling of discomfort, illness, and uneasiness whose exact cause was difficult to identify.  I was suffering Bryan’s Christmas Malaise.  I didn’t realize it then but when I went back to Walmart to exchange the item I mentioned earlier, I began to remember that this was just how Bryan had felt and the Mayonnaise was spreading over me rather thickly.  It was time to start taking better care of myself.  I had to lay down on the bed and I just started crying, uttered a few profanities, and just grumbled to my wife.  She wanted me to stay home from work the next day but I couldn’t do that.  I was determined to push through it and try to get back on track.  When I finally realized it was the Malaise, I was able to step back and say to myself that I needed to slow down and just enjoy the rest of the holiday season. 

   My house has been festooned for Christmas for a few weeks so one thing I did was to take some photos of our decorations inside and my display outside.  It helped me to focus on why I love this time of year.  Here are some photos of our mantle display, our nutcrackers and our Christmas tree as well as a light-up angel we like to put out. 













The outdoor display has been a bit of struggle.  I had an inflatable snowman but the motor recently died and my inflatable moose had to be taken in because he wasn’t inflating fully.  I had put a new motor in the moose so I think it needs to be adjusted.  I also had a plastic caroller set of three children and their dog that finally had to be retired because it was cracked and broken.  Here’s what my outdoor display currently looks like: 








Of course it all looks nice with a little bit of snow on the ground but I’ve heard it will all be gone by December 24th.  Compare that to last year when we had so much snow on Christmas day that they closed the roads in my area and my children from Toronto couldn’t get home until the 26th.  You can read all about that in my blahg,  HOW WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS?  By the way, the pictures below show the snowman, the carollers and the moose from previous years.

 

   One other thing that bothered me this year was related to Sinatra and Ireland.  I have this app on my Ipod that plays Christmas classics.  For some reason, in the past two weeks, the announcers or disk jockeys have an Irish accent and the sponsors seem to be located in Ireland.  Last weekend they had a dedicated Sinatra weekend and they kept making announcements about the next song in the rotation and would give a big buildup to Sinatra.  Unfortunately, it was never Sinatra.  Sometimes it was Bing Crosby or Andy Williams or Nat King Cole.  It got to the point where I started to believe that people in Ireland didn’t really know who Sinatra was.   One of the songs they introduced was “The First Noel” and it turned out to be by Nat King Cole.  If you want to view a nice rendition of Sinatra singing this song from a 1980 special, “The Most Joyful Mystery”, check this out:

   A number of years ago I put together a collection of Sinatra Christmas Rarities.  These were rare versions of Christmas songs from Sinatra radio and TV shows ranging from 1943 to 1985.  I thought about shipping it to Ireland but just sending a CD to the entire population of Ireland seemed a bit much.  Instead I’ll post some tracks here and hope that Ireland is listening.  The very first is a version of White Christmas that Sinatra sang on his Songs By Sinatra radio program from December 19, 1943:

In the middle of the compilation is a beautiful version of “Let It Snow” from another Songs By Sinatra program on December 25, 1946:

There’s also a very funny version of Sinatra singing “All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth” from the “Your Hit Parade” radio broadcast of January 1st, 1949:

There’s also a funny parody of “Jingle Bells” with Sinatra and Bob Hope from the radio broadcast of The Bob Hope Show, December 24th, 1953

I’ll close with another video of Sinatra singing but this time it’s “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” from a TV Special from 1985, “All-Star Party for ‘Dutch’ Reagan.  That’s former U.S. President Ronald Reagan in case you didn’t know.

If that doesn’t lift your Christmas Mayonnaise then nothing will.

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