Posts Tagged ‘Christmas’

A VERY QUIET CHRISTMAS PLAN.

Wednesday, December 27th, 2023

     I think I’m over my Christmas Malaise.  Santa ScottI decided to write this short blahg on Boxing Day to say that I’m okay.  I had a great Christmas with my wife and children and son-in-law and I wasn’t anxious or depressed once.  I managed to even write a short new Christmas story on Christmas day which I will debut here.  My wife and son both described it as “cute” and Noah even went on to say it was “sweet.”  I’ll accept that.  More about the story in a bit. 

   Here’s a wonderful photo taken today before Emily, Charlie and Noah had to head back to Toronto: 

Emily, Charlie, Noah and Abbie

From left to right are Abbie, Emily, Charlie and Noah.  You can tell it was around Christmas because the tree is partially visible on the right.  In 2022 it snowed so much that Emily, Charlie and Noah couldn’t get to our home until Boxing Day.  What a difference a day makes. 

   On Christmas Eve I lay in bed and the germ of a story was floating around in my head.  I hadn’t planned on writing anything and this was my first Christmas story since “The Stolen Christmas” which I penned over the first month and half in 2021 and I debuted in my blahg, A LATE CHRISTMAS STORY…OR AN EARLY ONE.  At least this one was written in time for Christmas of 2023.  I fell asleep thinking of the story and awoke in the middle of the night not remembering most of it.  Luckily, by mid-morning on Christmas Day it had come back to me.  A little polishing and by early evening I was happy with it.  The original title was “Carnival Barker” but I thought that was a giveaway and certainly didn’t suggest the story had anything to do with Christmas.  I gave it the new title of “A Very Quiet Christmas Plan”.  Here it is:

A Very Quiet Christmas Plan

by

Scott Henderson

 

            Philip decided he was going to have a very quiet Christmas.  That was his plan.  It hadn’t been planned if you went back several months but the current plan seemed suitable.

            Margo had left after Labor Day.  She hadn’t been happy for a while and she told Philip she was leaving to find herself.  Philip found himself…alone…after Margo left and took Carnival Barker with her.  Carnival Barker was their dog.  Really, Carnival Barker was Philip’s dog because it followed him home one day.  It barked after him the whole way from the park and it sat in the street and barked continuously until Philip came down from his second floor apartment in an effort to make peace with the dog and his neighbours for the continuous barking.

            “You should be a Carnival Barker the way you carry on,” Philip said to the dog.  The name stuck and, anyhow, Carnival Barker didn’t object.

            Margo objected.

            “You don’t know where the dog’s been or who he might have belonged to,” she explained to Philip.  “Either he goes or I go.”

            In the end both of them went but not before Carnival Barker stayed and Margo stayed but she always referred to him as ‘Barker” although Philip slipped in the full ‘Carnival Barker’ whenever he and the dog were alone; which was often because Margo had been trying to find herself for quite a while and that meant she was always out trying something different which didn’t always include Philip or even Carnival Barker.

            “Why did she have to take Carnival Barker if she was trying to find herself?”  Philip had said this aloud numerous times since Margo left when he wondered about her which was less often than when he wondered about Carnival Barker.  His little joke to himself was that maybe Carnival Barker was a guide dog and was helping her find her way.  He fantasized often that the dog came back and Margo stayed wherever it was she found herself.  He still held that fantasy as it got closer to Christmas and imagined that he’d wake Christmas morning to the sound of Carnival Barker extolling the virtues of his name down in the street until his neighbours pounded on his door and told him to “quiet that hound.”  After all, wasn’t that the exact phrase they’d shouted when Carnival Barker had first followed him home.

            Philip wondered what it had been about him that made anyone or anything want to follow him home.  There had been Carnival Barker but before that there had been Margo.

            Margo had followed him home from another walk in the park.  He hadn’t noticed her at first until she eventually piped up and said “if you hadn’t noticed, I’m following you.  I don’t usually do this but I’m in this whole seize the moment stage and I saw your face and thought I should just follow this guy home and see what develops.”

            What developed was a six month relationship where Margo moved in and Philip let her.  He liked Margo.  She was take charge or forward ho or a number of catch phrases that challenged her to do something different like following someone home and  building a relationship.

            There was no courtship with Margo.  Philip had been alone and then there was Margo.  She saw him every day.  She talked incessantly but she asked numerous questions about him and that seemed appealing.  No one had ever asked him so much about himself in so short a time and no one had ever followed him home from the park just to see what developed.  It was nice.

            Philip did not think he loved Margo.  In fact, he knew he did not love her or loved her less when she left and loved her even more less or lesser when she left and took Carnival Barker.

            No one ever claimed Carnival Barker; except Margo in the end.  Philip had put up posters and read the papers but there were no lost dog inquiries that matched the description of Carnival Barker.  His main feature was his bark which had been incessant when he wanted Philip to invite him into his home and ceased after he’d gained entry.
This was akin to how Margo stopped her incessant talking and personal questioning of Philip after she too had moved in.  No one claimed her either.  He never met her family, if she had one, and her only friends seemed to be Philip and Carnival Barker or anyone involved in her finding herself activities when she went out and left man and dog alone.

            Philip missed that dog.  He missed the padding of his feet or how Carnival Barker would stare at him when Margo was out and Philip could just imagine the dog saying it was another evening in for the boys and Philip would stare back and then tell Carnival Barker that an evening alone with him without Margo was more than worthwhile.  The dog hadn’t been large or small and not exactly somewhere in the middle.  He was the size he was which was right for him and besides his bark, his other distinguishable feature was his colouring.  Margo would use flowery descriptions of autumnal shadings of leaves or beach sands after receding tides when Philip clearly thought Carnival Barker reminded him of the colour of turkey gravy from a can.  It was little things like that widening the gap between Margo and Philip that eventually led to her leaving.  She’d left a note that was a panoramic description of the chasm developing between them as she sought to find meaning while Philip seemed to be rather happy in the status quo.

            Philip liked the status quo.  Margo was gone and so was Carnival Barker.  It was Christmas now and he moved through it as he liked and the current plan of a quiet Christmas was enough.  At least it should have been.

            It started with the turkey.  This had not factored into Philip’s plans.  A quiet Christmas meant to Philip no fuss or bother or commitment to any holiday plans other than a quiet Christmas.  The turkey changed everything.  He’d won it in a holiday raffle at work.  He wasn’t even sure what the proceeds of the raffle went to support.  He’d been cajoled into buying a ticket and just assumed the proceeds would go to pay for the cost of the turkey that would be won by some poor sucker.

            Philip was that poor sucker.  And it was a fresh turkey, and not frozen, and given out two days before Christmas so he’d have to plan something for it and upset his plan for no real plan for Christmas.

            Of course if you have a turkey and you have to cook it, which is a plan far better than throwing it away or trying to fawn it off on someone else who had even less plans than Philip, then you have to build on that and soon there’s potatoes and stuffing and cranberries and pie and gravy and of course that would remind Philip completely of Carnival Barker.  And if  you have all that and you’re suffering melancholia for a dog who followed you home from the park and not the woman who had tried that trick before the dog then you have to alter all plans and invite others in to share in your newly best laid plans that altered your regular plan in the first place.  And if you’re all in on the meal and inviting others then you have to plan for decorations and a tree and lifting your spirits without artificial spirits so no one knows the melancholia was about all you could stomach without the turkey and the decorations and the whole Christmas with trimmings.

            In the end, Philip was alone.  No one came.  No one was available and yet all the plans had been made and he had committed himself to those plans and when the plan of a quiet Christmas did materialize despite Philip’s best efforts to expand the raffle turkey into an extravaganza evening, he was a little disappointed to find himself alone on Christmas Eve with the thought that the next day was Christmas and he still had all that cooking to do with the raffle turkey and no one to share it with and slip turkey to under the festooned table.

            On Christmas Eve, Philip did nothing.  He stared at the tree he’d been obliged to include in his failed plans and the lights dancing on the tree lulled him to sleep.  He dreamed fitfully.

            In his dreams Philip was back at the park and there was Margo and Carnival Barker and they were chasing him and he was trying to avoid being caught by hiding behind various trees but secretly relishing in the notion that Carnival Barker could sniff him out but that Margo would have no such talent and might eventually give up and go on with her life.  Ultimately Carnival Barker’s bark would betray him and Margo would hone in and find him as if she’d had some talent after all and not give credit to the dog she simply referred to as Barker.

            Margo would pull Philip close and kiss his face and tell him he’d been found and he’d laugh and wonder how it easy it had been that she had found him, with Carnival Barker’s help, yet she had a difficult time finding herself.

            Philip woke up Christmas morning and could still feel Margo’s wet dream kisses upon his cheek.  It wasn’t though.  It was dog slobber.  It was Carnival Barker.

            “Carnival Barker, how can you be here?” he said aloud to the dog.

            Of course it wasn’t the dog who replied, it was Margo, standing in the doorway looking no more found than she had when he had last seen her in September.

            “Barker and I thought you might be a little lost without us and I know a thing or two about lost and found and we found ourselves alone and determined that you should not be and so here we are and I’m famished.”  She’d not even stopped to take a breath.  Typical Margo.  She was gone and then she was back. Philip recalled how she had never left her key behind after she left.  Philip didn’t care.  Carnival Barker was back.

            There was nothing for it after that and Philip had to cook the Christmas dinner and spend it with Margo talking about her travels over the past few months and her enlightenment and not once mentioning how Carnival Barker had factored into any of it and all the while Philip grinned and slipped the dog pieces of dark meat and marveled at how much his coat really did resemble tinned turkey gravy.

            Margo moved back in and then shortly after New Year moved out again after following someone else home from the park and calling up Philip and saying she’d found her soulmate, as if he’d been lost to her until then, and that she’d call for Barker but not sounding convincing at all…about retrieving the dog and not the bit about the soulmate.  The soulmate was just some poor sucker who probably deserved Margo as much as Philip had deserved a fresh not frozen turkey that upset his plans for a quiet Christmas.

            Philip didn’t care.  Carnival Barker was back and he was determined to change his locks and that nothing planned or unplanned would take Carnival Barker from him again.

            As it so often does, Philip’s plans did change, though.  He eventually met someone else and he married and there were children and there was still Carnival Barker.  And there were great Christmases and Philip would often think back on that one extraordinary Christmas.  Not the one where he had won the turkey and Margo had come back but the following year when he cooked a turkey again and it was just him and Carnival Barker and Philip set a place for the gravy coloured dog at the table.

 

The End

 

I hope you enjoyed that and I hope the remainder of your holiday season for 2023 and into 2024 is everything you hoped for.

“THE CHRISTMAS MAYONNAISE”

Saturday, December 23rd, 2023

     My friend Bryan used to talk about his Christmas Malaise.  Santa ScottIt seemed to be an all encompassing thing that he would trot out around this time of year.  I thought it was just him being impatient with everyone and having to stand in lines and not really having a family of his own with whom he could celebrate his Holiday season.  (See how I used “whom” in a sentence?  The English major in me comes out sometimes.)  I used to refer to Bryan’s malaise as his “Christmas Mayonnaise” as he would bring it out and spread it over everything joyful during the yuletide and sometimes I thought he was laying it on a little thick.  Once, I thought about writing a humorous story about his Christmas Mayonnaise but, in the end, I thought I was making too much of it…until it happened to me. 

   I looked up the word “malaise” today and was struck by the definition provided: 

A general feeling of discomfort, illness, or uneasiness whose exact cause is difficult to identify.

Yep, that was me yesterday.  If I’m being truthful, that’s been how I’ve felt for the past week or so.  Back up to the end of last month and it starts to fall into place.  At the end of last month, November 30th, I got sick.  My wife had been home for two days with a bad cold.  I tried to avoid it and even slept in another part of the house.  That didn’t help.  On Friday November 30th, I woke up with the head cold and aches and a headache.  I stayed home from work because the next day I was going to Toronto and nothing was going to stop me. 

   Jump back even further to my birthday on September 23rd of this year.  I was in Toronto that day as well.  I had gone up to Toronto to be taken out to lunch by my daughter Emily.  Her husband Charlie, my wife Jeanette, and my son Noah were there.  Abbie was still in Britain at the time.  We all had lunch at a nice deli that served Reuben sandwiches because that’s what I wanted.  Here’s a nice photo of Emily and Charlie from that lunch:

Here’s Noah from the same lunch: 

Noah from my birthday September 23, 2023

Sorry, I don’t have a picture of my sandwich.  I’m not one of those people who takes photos of their meals to try and impress everyone.  My story should be enough.  Emily and Charlie paid for the lunch so that was their gift to me.  Noah surprised me by announcing he had purchased tickets for both of us to go see Martin Short and Steve Martin on December 1st. 

 

So that brings you up to speed.  I was sick on November 30th but I had to make it to Toronto for Steve Martin and Martin Short on December 1st. 

   I wont detail the evening with those two great comedians.  It was awesome.  I was full of medication and felt okay.  I had taken the train from Belleville to Toronto on Saturday afternoon and stayed over at a hotel near downtown Toronto.  I didn’t sleep well after the concert because I found the city too noisy and the head cold was taking hold again.  The next day I did some shopping before taking a mid-afternoon train back to Belleville.  By the time I got home, I was extremely sick.  The head cold, the aches and pains, the headache, and tiredness had knocked me down.  I did a Covid test and I tested positive.  It was my first time getting Covid.  This was after me getting my most recent booster a week before.  My wife did a test and she tested positive as well.  I stayed home for the next three days.  I pushed myself to try and get back to work because there were some things happening that I felt I needed to be there for.  I didn’t do myself any favours.  I was weakened but I pushed through it.

   Last week I tried to be on top of everything but felt I wasn’t getting ahead.  I was planning for our own Christmas, trying to help my aging Mother with her diabetes, and trying to prepare for a Christmas lunch at work to feed around fifty people.  By this past Saturday afternoon, I was sick again.  I had felt better in the morning and late in the afternoon my wife and I went to do some shopping at the Belleville Walmart.  I started feeling dizzy and while browsing the bedding aisle I felt weak enough that I had to sit down on the floor.  Then I was lying on my side on the floor.  I’m not sure what my wife was thinking but she was concerned and asked if she should call an ambulance.  I said no and managed to get up and go outside to our car.  The fresh air helped but I wasn’t feeling well for the rest of the night or the next morning.  By Sunday afternoon I felt better but I had a twinge in my lower back that hurt and wouldn’t subside. 

   Skip to yesterday.  Another busy week with lots happening at work and me at another building yesterday for yet another big Christmas lunch.  Later, I had to go back to work and then find time to go out and look for a turkey for own Christmas dinner.  I had been to three other grocery stores and hadn’t found anything I liked.  I finally managed to find one at Walmart, where I managed to stay upright for the time I was there, and did some Christmas shopping for my wife.  Unfortunately I found out later that I had bought something in the wrong size and it would require another trip back to exchange the item.  On the way home I had to go out of my way and stop off at a fishing depot and pick something up for my son-in-law for Christmas.  Driving home, I started to feel worse with a neck pain, headache, and that lower back twinge was increasing.  Add to all of that, earlier in the afternoon my Doctor’s office called to say the result of my blood test from the previous day showed that my fasting sugars were too high. 

   When I got home I was tired and sick and pretty well angry with everything.  In short I had a general feeling of discomfort, illness, and uneasiness whose exact cause was difficult to identify.  I was suffering Bryan’s Christmas Malaise.  I didn’t realize it then but when I went back to Walmart to exchange the item I mentioned earlier, I began to remember that this was just how Bryan had felt and the Mayonnaise was spreading over me rather thickly.  It was time to start taking better care of myself.  I had to lay down on the bed and I just started crying, uttered a few profanities, and just grumbled to my wife.  She wanted me to stay home from work the next day but I couldn’t do that.  I was determined to push through it and try to get back on track.  When I finally realized it was the Malaise, I was able to step back and say to myself that I needed to slow down and just enjoy the rest of the holiday season. 

   My house has been festooned for Christmas for a few weeks so one thing I did was to take some photos of our decorations inside and my display outside.  It helped me to focus on why I love this time of year.  Here are some photos of our mantle display, our nutcrackers and our Christmas tree as well as a light-up angel we like to put out. 













The outdoor display has been a bit of struggle.  I had an inflatable snowman but the motor recently died and my inflatable moose had to be taken in because he wasn’t inflating fully.  I had put a new motor in the moose so I think it needs to be adjusted.  I also had a plastic caroller set of three children and their dog that finally had to be retired because it was cracked and broken.  Here’s what my outdoor display currently looks like: 








Of course it all looks nice with a little bit of snow on the ground but I’ve heard it will all be gone by December 24th.  Compare that to last year when we had so much snow on Christmas day that they closed the roads in my area and my children from Toronto couldn’t get home until the 26th.  You can read all about that in my blahg,  HOW WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS?  By the way, the pictures below show the snowman, the carollers and the moose from previous years.

 

   One other thing that bothered me this year was related to Sinatra and Ireland.  I have this app on my Ipod that plays Christmas classics.  For some reason, in the past two weeks, the announcers or disk jockeys have an Irish accent and the sponsors seem to be located in Ireland.  Last weekend they had a dedicated Sinatra weekend and they kept making announcements about the next song in the rotation and would give a big buildup to Sinatra.  Unfortunately, it was never Sinatra.  Sometimes it was Bing Crosby or Andy Williams or Nat King Cole.  It got to the point where I started to believe that people in Ireland didn’t really know who Sinatra was.   One of the songs they introduced was “The First Noel” and it turned out to be by Nat King Cole.  If you want to view a nice rendition of Sinatra singing this song from a 1980 special, “The Most Joyful Mystery”, check this out:

   A number of years ago I put together a collection of Sinatra Christmas Rarities.  These were rare version of Christmas songs from Sinatra radio and TV shows ranging from 1943 to 1985.  I thought about shipping it to Ireland but just sending a CD to the entire population of Ireland seemed a bit much.  Instead I’ll post some tracks here and hope that Ireland is listening.  The very first is a version of White Christmas that Sinatra sang on his Songs By Sinatra radio program from December 19, 1943:

In the middle of the compilation is a beautiful version of “Let It Snow” from another Songs By Sinatra program on December 25, 1946:

There’s also a very funny version of Sinatra singing “All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth” from the “Your Hit Parade” radio broadcast of January 1st, 1949:

There’s also a funny parody of “Jingle Bells” with Sinatra and Bob Hope from the radio broadcast of The Bob Hope Show, December 24th, 1953

I’ll close with another video of Sinatra singing but this time it’s “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” from a TV Special from 1985, “All-Star Party for ‘Dutch’ Reagan.  That’s former U.S. President Ronald Reagan in case you didn’t know.

 

If that doesn’t lift your Christmas Mayonnaise then nothing will.

HOW WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS?

Saturday, January 14th, 2023

     How was your Christmas?  You know I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t have a story to tell.  That’s what these blahgs are all about:  stories from me.  Sometimes what I have to say might make you laugh or smile or wonder why I haven’t gone off my nut before this.  Maybe my story might pale in comparison to yours but I’ll continue to offer up my stories and we’ll see how mine stacks up. 

   This Christmas of 2022 was the whitest I’ve seen in years.  I was reflecting on that with my wife and realized in the past five or six years that we have had a green Christmas or light dustings of snow that didn’t amount to much.  In fact, the last time we had a huge snowfall was on Christmas in 2017 because I wrote a blahg about it:  BEING SICK ON CHRISTMAS IS NO FUN, BUT HERE WE GO.  That year I had to shovel out the end of my driveway so my wife could take me to the hospital with the worst sore throat I’ve ever had.  I don’t care to relive it so read that blahg at your leisure.

   I’ve posted before about my lawn display of Christmas inflatables and things really looked nice until the major snow came and buried everything and I couldn’t find them again until the New Year.  I don’t have any pictures of my display from Christmas 2022 so I’ll offer up some photos from inside the house instead.  

   First up is our Christmas tree.  We get a real tree every year but there are no local Christmas Tree farms open in our area.  So, this is the second year we’ve purchase a tree from the local Firefighters.  It cost $60 but it goes to a good cause.  Here’s a photo of this year’s tree:

Notice that the star at the top is different this year.  When we plugged in our old star it would not light up and when I tried to put in replacement bulbs, they all burned out.  Here’s what our star topper has looked like in previous years: 

Our old Christmas tree topperWe had that old star for a long time so it might have outlived its lifespan.  My wife went to Canadian Tire and bought another one of the same shape and size but it shone in a bronze colour and I didn’t like it.  I stopped at Walmart the following day and purchased the current one.  I think it’s nice and the shining whiteness made it feel more like Christmas to me.  Maybe I can get the old one working again or we might just stick with the replacement.  Bonus marks to anyone who noticed that my 2022 tree was taller and thinner than the one above in a photo from 2018.  I’ll talk more about the tree later

   I like nutcrackers.  There, I’ve said it.  There’s something about them that makes me want to collect them and display them at Christmastime.    Here’s another photo from 2018 when I displayed most of my nutcrackers:

2018 NutcrackersThat wasn’t all of the nutcrackers because I had to put some of the nutcrackers on a speaker and others on the floor.  This year I decided to build a little shelf to put on the cabinet in the photo so that nutcrackers would be on display up the wall.  Here’s the result: 

The Nutcrackers 2022You can see that there are still some on a speaker and others on the floor.  Hockey NutcrackerThroughout 2022 I bought about a dozen used ones at thrift shops and they stayed on my piano during the year until joining the above collection.  My daughter Abbie gave me the hockey player nutcracker on the second shelf for Christmas and which I picture on the left.  I think he’s fun. 

   The other thing we take pride of in our house at Christmas is our mantle display of Christmas related figures.  Here’s what that looked like in 2018:

Mantle Display 1-2018

It’s a challenge to fit everything on the mantle and I usually buy two or three more and try to fit them in.  Here’s what the display looked like this year: 

Mantle Display 1

Mantle Display 2

Mantle Display 3

Mantle Display 4

Click on any of the above photos to get a larger view.   Then you can really see some of these treasured figures close up. 

   Now, let’s talk about what happened to our Christmas.  The plan was to have my daughter Emily and her husband Charlie drive down from Toronto on December 24th and bring my son Noah with them.  Well, it started snowing December 23rd and didn’t stop until late Christmas night on the 25th.   The roads were closed out our way and the major highway between Toronto and Belleville was also closed.  I had a large snowdrift in front of my garage door to the top and I had to dig it out to get at my snowblower.  On Christmas Eve, Abbie and I walked out in the falling snow to the end of our driveway and by then it was knee high.  Here’s a video of Jeanette and I heading out Christmas morning to clear the driveway again: 

Emily, Charlie, and Noah did not get to our house until December 26th so we held off opening presents until that day.  I had stopped at my Mother’s house on December 23rd to bring the 28 pound turkey to my house to cook and bring out to her house on Christmas day.  It was cooking for 7 hours in my house and it smelled awesome.  The bird, like us, did not make it to Christmas dinner at my Mother’s until December 26th.  Jeanette, Abbie, and I nibbled a little at it Christmas day with instant mashed potatoes and a little of the stuffing that was inside the bird.  On December 26th we had the turkey proper at my Mother’s with real mashed potatoes, stuffing, carrots, peas, and turnip along with rolls and three different kinds of of pie (pumpkin, apple, and pecan if you’re interested).  Besides my children, my wife, my son-in-law and my Mother, we had dinner with my brothers Dan and Todd and my friend Tom who had no place else to go.  It was just as good on Boxing Day as it would have been on the real Christmas day.  

   Now back to the tree.  In 2019 I wrote a Christmas themed blahg called MEATS AND CHEESES AND BABY JESUS.  In that blahg I debuted a new Christmas entertainment with the same name as the blahg.  Here’s an excerpt from that entertainment:

   I should add that I also have a tradition of disposing of the Christmas tree.  At the bottom of our property is a creek that runs fast and deep in the spring after the snow melts.  Our annual live Christmas tree, after its stint in the house, rests out behind our garage until I can get to the creek in the spring and chuck it in.  It’s swept up in the current and disappears.  I tried following a tree one year and got about half a kilometer before the creek took a bend through a farmer’s field and was carried out of sight.  In my imagination there is a Valhalla for our Christmas trees down where the creek ends or maybe it manages to make its way to the sea.  More likely there’s a dam of trees somewhere along the creek route overflowing and flooding the farmer’s fields or perhaps the basement of his farmhouse.

This year’s tree was no exception to the tradition of launching the tree into the creek in the New Year.  It didn’t quite work out as planned but I recorded a video of my attempt to properly launch the tree:  

I went back the next day and the tree had dislodged itself and was on its final journey.  Thus ended Christmas.  I guess the theme here is that all good things come to those who wait or Christmas is just as good the second day round.  I hope you enjoyed yours!

THE 2021 DEAD FROM THE NECK UP CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

Friday, December 24th, 2021

    Well, it’s December 23rd and I’m glad to say the 2021 Dead From The Neck Up Christmas Special is in the can. Santa ScottIn my last blahg, BUILDING A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL, I posted the sketches I had written and posted my reads on each of them.  I mentioned that I was working on an additional sketch but that one didn’t come together.  I did manage to write one more sketch called “Roy’s Poultry Outlet”.  That is the last sketch in the Christmas special.  I think Stephen Dafoe nailed Roy’s voice in that one. 

   Here’s the new special: 

   I liked Stephen’s vocals and I had to record Bryan in person this year.  I’m fairly happy with the show.  It’s tough writing, recording vocals, mixing vocals, and adding all of the music and sound effects.  Two years in a row have me wondering if I want to do this again next year.  Last year was unique because we hadn’t done this in 25 years but I had so much fun I decided we should do it again this year.  Next year?  Too early to tell. 

   Well, that’s it for my quick blahg for this Christmas season.  Merry Christmas everyone!

BUILDING A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

Thursday, December 2nd, 2021

    Well, it’s been over a month since my last blahg.  Scott - May 18, 2021Once I got to 100 blahgs I slowed down.  It doesn’t mean I wasn’t busy.  Right now I’m trying to put together enough sketches for another Dead From The Neck Up Christmas Show.  My friends Stephen Dafoe, Bryan Dawkins, and I got together virtually last year to record a new Christmas show.  It was the first Dead From The Neck Up show in over 25 years so it was a big reunion for us.  I documented about that in my blahg, CHRISTMAS IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT.  I posted the special to YouTube at that time: 

After the holidays, I went back and remastered it to fix a few errors.  Here’s the remastered version: 

     We had a great deal of fun putting together last year’s special and we talked about doing it again this year.  I hope that’s going to happen because I started writing a few sketches.  Last year I had to email sketches to Stephen and he recorded his vocals and then he emailed them to me.  I recorded Bryan over the internet and then I mixed everything with sound effects and music.  This year, I wanted to revisit some old characters from 26 years ago as well as some from last year.  I thought this blahg would be an inside look into putting this year’s show together. 

   The first sketch idea I had was for a new Two Guys Proxy Service.  I had written two back to back way back when we were doing shows in the early/mid 1990s.  Here are those two original sketches: 

2 GUYS PROXY SERVICE #1

test

2 GUYS PROXY SERVICE #2

 

I was Lenny in those sketches and Stephen was Dave.  I had a funny idea to update these characters by adding a third guy.  My idea is to have Bryan do the voice of Bruce in this sketch:

Three Guys Proxy Service Christmas Sketch

Scott/Lennie:     Hi, remember us?  I’m Lennie

Steve/Dave:      And I’m Dave

Scott/Lennie:     And we’re Two Guys Proxy Service

Bryan/Bruce:     Three Guys Proxy Service

Steve/Dave:      Yeah right, Three Guys Proxy Service.  What with the recent pandemic we’ve had to     take on extra help.

Scott/Lennie:     Yeah we had to take on a newbie.  He’s Bruce.

Bryan/Bruce:     I’m Bruce

Steve/Dave:      Yeah Lennie and I have been so busy we had to send Bruce out on some calls.

Scott/Lennie:     Remember when Bruce had to fill in as a corpse at a funeral because the real corpse had temporarily gone missing?

Bryan/Bruce:     Yeah, I remember.  I was buried alive.

Steve/Dave::     Yeah but we dug you up before you ran out of air

Scott/Lennie:     Broke two shovels doing it.

Steve/Dave:      Or remember that time Bruce had to fill in at the Senior’s home when they had a Covid 19 outbreak because some of the nurses refused to work.

Bryan/Bruce:     I was in quarantine there for six months.

Scott/Lennie:     Yeah but we watered your plants while you was stuck inside.

Bryan/Bruce:     They all died.  And so did some of the seniors in the home.

Scott/Lennie:     But one of us was on the job.

Steve/Dave:      All part of our Proxy service.

Scott/Lennie:     And all part of your bill.

Phone Ringing

Steve/Dave:      Get that will you Bruce?

Scott/Lennie:     When you have to be somewhere else on the fly, why not give our Proxy Service a try?

Bryan/Bruce:     Three Guys Proxy Service, this is Bruce.  Nativity Pageant?  Sure, we can do that.  Fill in for the three wise men?  Luckily we’re a trio.  May I ask where the pageant is to be held?  A church perhaps?  No?  Then an elementary school no doubt where we sub for three of the stage fright struck kiddies?  San Gabriel State Prison?  Is that so?  A death row production?

                        So let me get this straight, we’re to go on in the place of three convicts and portray Gaspar, Melchior, and Balthasar?  And where will the three prisoners be?  In Solitary Confinement?  Then the Hospital Ward perhaps?  Enacting a daring escape?  The prison will be in lockdown?  Won’t discover we’re not the real inmates until January?  Just a second.

                        Hey guys, we’ve got a gig for Christmas…and it looks like dates for New Years.

Steve/Dave:      Two guys proxy service.

Bryan/Bruce:     Three guys proxy service.

Scott/Lennie:     Oh yeah, three guys proxy service.

Steve:/Dave      When you just have to be somewhere else…when the tower lights are shot out.

Here’s my imagining of how the sketch goes.  This is just my vocals of all the parts 

 

     I wanted to build on this sketch because the thought of a Death Row Inmate production of the Nativity sounded funny to me.  I decided to write a promotional commercial for the production and crossover with the three proxy guys: 

San Gabriel State Prison Nativity Production

Scott/Announcer:       This Christmas why not catch the hottest new festive spectacular?  San Gabriel State Prison presents a Death Row Inmate Production of The Nativity.

Prisoner # 1:                Hey you shepherds.  Listen up you mugs.  On this day is born a kid in the town of Bethlehem.  And he will be known as Jesus Christ, watch it with those friggin’ sheep will ya?

Scott/Announcer:       An all new imagining of the classic telling of the birth of the messiah.

Prisoner # 2:                What do you mean there’s no room at the inn?  Do you know who you’re speaking to?  I know a guy in the next cell block who for three packs of smokes will burn your inn to the ground.  Just saying.

Scott/Announcer:       Behold the spectacle of that first Christmas and a lowly child born in a manger and visited by wise men from the east.

Sound of prison siren

Scott/Lennie:               HI I’m Lennie

Steve/Dave:                 And I’m Dave

Bryan/Bruce:               And I’m Bruce

All Three:                    We three kings of orient are Proxy Service guys filling in for escapees gone far

Sound of machine guns

Announcement:         Prison Break.  Prison Break.  Everyone back to your cell.

Scott/Announcer:       A stirring once in a lifetime production performed by an ensemble crew who are serving lifetime sentences.

Steve/Dave:                 Hey, we was framed.  We’re just the Proxy Service guys.

Bryan/Bruce:               Yeah, hands of my frankincense.

Scott/Announcer:       So this Christmas catch San Gabriel State Prison’s Death Row Inmate Production of The Nativity.  An exhibition not likely to be repeated.

Scott/Lennie:               Hey, watch where you’re sticking that shiv.

Here’s my recording take on that sketch:

 

I decided to revisit the Death Row Inmate production of the Nativity a third time by having someone actually attend a performance.  We used to do a recurring sketch of Wally Wandaleer’s Things You Just Don’t See On Radio.  Here’s one of the original Wally Wandaleer sketches: 

Here’s this year’s sketch:

Wally Wandaleer’s Things You Just Don’t See on Radio

Coverage of the San Gabriel Nativity

 

Announcer (Scott)     Spanning the globe each week to bring you the weird, the bizzare, the insane, it’s Wally Wandaleer’s  Things You Just Don’t’ See On Radio

 

Wally (Steve):              Hello everyone it’s good to be back.  I’m Wally Wandaleer here again with another entry in our Things You Just Don’t See On Radio.  It’s been a long time since our last program what with the pandemic and the various lock downs.  There haven’t been any events to report on because everything was cancelled due to Covid 19.  But with the lifting of restrictions were back on the trail of those spectacles too bizzare for television featuring the faces of people made for radio.

                                    This time we’re at San Gabriel State prison during this festive yuletide season to cover the first annual Death Row Inmate production of The Nativity.  Yes, it’s lifers giving life to a unique production of the retelling of the birth of the baby Jesus.

                                    And what a time we’ve had getting here.  The prison has more restrictions than candy nut clusters in the Costco Christmas Chocolate Extravaganza Bon Vivant, Buon Natale, Feliz Navidad Variety Pack.  We’ve had to answer numerous Covid 19 and Security questions and that’s not mentioning the nasal swabs, the anal probes, and the full-body cavity searches.  But was it worth it?  Probably not, but let’s get on with our coverage.

                                    We’re a little late arriving, with the production having run for at least an hour but let’s get the inside scoop from one of the insiders.  I’m approaching a heavily armed security guard for his take on the prisoner’s take on the Nativity

                                    Mr. Security Guard, I say, Mr. Security Guard, Wally Wandaleer here with Things You Just Don’t See On Radio.  We were wondering if we could get a few words with you about this praiseworthy powerful phenomenon of prisoner pageantry.

Guard:                         Hey, aren’t you that Wally Wandaleer guy from the radio?

Wally:                          Why yes, the same of fame and fabulous fortune of the airwaves.

Guard:                         I never listen to your show.  I listen to the Weather Channel.

Wally:                          What a pity.  But moving on.  What can you tell us of today’s prisoner production?

Guard:                         Well it’s like this.  The warden wanted to do something special for Christmas for the cons so he recruited the death row jailbirds to mount a production of the Nativity.

Wally:                          How unique.  And why the denizens of death row?

Guard:                         Well we had an outbreak of the Covid earlier this year and a lot of the death row gang were wiped out along with the prison librarian and the guy in the kitchen who always made a delightful carrot salad.

Wally:                          A travesty to say the least.

Guard:                         Yeah, that salad was pretty good.  Too good for some of these guys.  You see, he put in just the right amount of Dijon mustard.  It’s tough to get that right.  Now they’re having to resort to salad from a can.  It’s not the same.

Wally:                          And so the surviving death row inmates were given the opportunity to trod the theatrical boards in the retelling of the birth of the holy savior?

Guard:                         Yeah.  It was either that or extra rations of lemon jello for surviving the pandemic.

Wally:                          Your Warden is all heart.

Guard:                         He likes to think so.  He even let the cons borrow some of the sheep from the prison farm.  Of course we have to do a good head count on them sheep before sending them back.  You can’t trust no one in here.

Wally:                          Let’s give a listen to this majestic exhibition.  They’re just coming to the scene where the Three Kings make their appearance with precious gifts of gold, and frankincense and myrrh.

Prisoner/Joseph (Scott):          Hark the three wise guys from the east approach.

Scott/Lennie:               HI I’m Lennie

Steve/Dave:                 And I’m Dave

Bryan/Bruce:               And I’m Bruce

All Three:                    We three kings of orient are
Proxy Service guys filling in for escapees gone far

Guard:                         Wait, they ain’t prisoners 671716, 761671, and 177166.  Sound the alarm!

Siren Sound

Guard :                        Prison Break!  Prison Break!  Everyone back to your cell!

Wally:                          Oh no, it looks like this Nativity has come to a swift conclusion.

Sound of machine guns

Wally:                          Oh no, we’re in another lockdown…not again.  This is Wally Wandaleer signing off until next time.  Tune in again for another episode of Things You Just Don’t See On Radio when next week’s performance will feature me in front of the parole board looking for an early release.  See you then.

Stephen always did the voice of Wally Wandaleer.  Here’s what I think the sketch might sound like: 

 

   I wrote those first three sketches on November 8th and 9th.  I was inspired but it took me almost a week to find inspiration again.  I started writing again on the 15th.  I wanted to do quick little sketches and this idea came to my mind that Santa Claus Is Coming To Town could be taken as a threat.  I thought of a news bulletin to warn citizens:

THE RED MENACE

News Anchor (Bob):    (Serious)  This just in.  We’re receiving reports that Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.  This is not a hoax.  We repeat that Santa Claus Is Coming to Town.  We encourage all citizens to listen closely to this report.  We take you now live to our correspondent in the streets, Jim Firkus:

                                    Jim, are you there Jim?

Jim:                              I’m here Bob.

Bob:                             Jim, can you fill us in a little on what you’re hearing.

Jim:                              Well, we don’t know much.  It started really as an alert bulletin that Santa Claus is Coming To Town.  We’re heaing that he’s someone dressed all in red so you can imagine that many are taking this as a communist scare.  This red menace is definitely on his way here.

Bob:                             What else do we know Jim?

Jim:                              Well, Bob, not much, as I said.  Little things have been trickling in.  We’ve heard he’ll seize you when you’re sleeping and apparently he knows when you’re awake.  They say he knows if you’ve been bad or good.  I suggest everyone be good for goodness sake!

Bob:                             Scary stuff indeed.

Jim:                              And there’s also rumors of a list.  We don’t have many details but we’ve heard he’s checking it twice.  He’s gonna find out who’s naughty or nice.  You certainly don’t want to be on that list when he comes to town.

Bob:                             And do we know how he’s coming to town?

Jim:                              Well, other rumors have suggested elephants, boats, and kiddy cars too.  As you can imagine, that sounds like a mass invasion.  Remember the story of Hannibal crossing the alps with his elephants, hell-bent on conquest?  Not sure about the kiddy cars but these could be some sort of conveyance pulled by goats.  This is serious stuff

Bob:                             Thanks Jim.  If you’re just joining us, it’s been confirmed.  You better watch out, let out a cry, you better all shout, I’m telling you why.  Santa Claus is coming to town.  Take cover.

Here’s my recording of it:

 

   I had this funny idea pop into my head about giving Grenades for Christmas.  This is what came of it: 

GRENDADES FOR CHRISTMAS

Looking for something special for this holiday gift buying season?  Why not give a grenade?  Yes, certified war surplus fully explosive live grenades.

They make the perfect gift for anyone.  For the ladies, you can slip them in your purse.  For extra security granny can keep it on the nightstand next to her teeth.

Suitable for most occasions.

Arguments over the turkey wishbone?  Pull out a grenade.

Negotiations with the boss over your new contract?  Pull out a grenade.

Going to a staff Christmas party and Betty in accounting won’t give you the time of day?  Drop one of these babies in your pocket and she’ll do a double take when she sees you and asks if that’s a grenade in your pocket or if you’re just happy to see her.

Practical and easy.  Just pull the pin and count three Merry Christmases.  Like this, pin out, one Merry Christmas, Two Merry Christmases,  Three

(Sound of explosion)

Technical difficulties announcement and music…please stand by.

Here’s how it came out when I recorded it: 

 

   Last year we did two tie in sketches for the Lonely Guy Christmas Project and a visit with a Lonely Guy on Christmas.  The Project was a fundraiser to provide lonely gentlemen with an Amazon Echo, a Google Home Mini, or an Apple device so they could spend Christmas with Alexa, Google, or Siri.  The visit with a lonely guy was a funny sketch about what happened to a lonely guy who received a Google Home Mini.  I thought I’d like to revisit that guy a year later and see how he was getting on with Google.  I thought it would be interesting to do a Person to Person to interview.  Here’s what my brain produced: 

REVISITING THE LONELY GUY’S CHRISTMAS

Edmund F. Merle:       Hello and welcome to Man to Man.  I’m your host Edmund F. Merle.  Here on Man to Man I bring you in depth interviews with the common man.

                                    Tonight we revisit the Lonely Guy’s Christmas

                                    Last year Project Lonely Guy made Christmas extra special for all those lonely guys during the pandemic lockdown.  Many were supplied with either a Google Home Mini, An Amazon Echo, or an Apple device.  Yes, many a lonely guy spent the holidays with Google, Alexa or Siri.

                                    Tonight’s guest was one of the lucky recipients of a Google Home Mini.  We’re talking to a Mr. Buddy Schmecko.

Sound of Google and Siri Arguing Loudly

Edmund F. Merle:       Are you there Mr. Schmecko?

Buddy:                         (Shouting) Shut up for crying out loud!  I’m being interviewed!

 

Arguing stops abruptly and digital sign off or starting up music

Edmund F. Merle:       So Mr. Schmecko, it sounds like you’ve got a full household for the Christmas holidays?

Buddy:                         Call me Buddy.  That?  That wasn’t no relatives that was just Google and Siri arguing.

Edmund F. Merle:       Google and Siri?  I thought you were just the recipient of a Google Home Mini?

Buddy:                         Well, Ed, that’s how it started.  Google told me she was lonely with just me and her so I had to get her a Siri to keep her company.

Google:                        Some company.  Your toaster has more intelligence and it’s not even thick slice.

Siri:                              Look who’s talking!  You only have one setting, shrill shrew.

Buddy:                         Enough!  As you can see Ed, my lonely guy Christmas isn’t so lonely any more.

Edmund F. Merle:       So Buddy, what’s a year in the life of a recipient of a google home mini meant to you?

Buddy:                         One word.  Bankruptcy.  It started with Siri, then Google memorized my Credit Card when I was ordering something over the phone.  Ever since then she’s maxed me out with her ordering.

Google:                        Come on, it hasn’t been that bad.

Buddy:                         Oh yeah?  What about the 75 inch smart screen tv?

Google:                        You only had a 41 inch television.  I did you a favor.

Siri:                              Tramp.  Only in it for herself.

Google:                        So?  Who ordered the Nespresso machine?

Buddy:                         Yeah.  I don’t even drink Nespresso.

Siri:                              So?  It’s Italian!  Have you seen the lines on that machine?  Mama likey.

Buddy:                         See what I live with Ed?  They’ve bled me dry.  Nespressos, smart tvs, rhumbas, juicers and every appliance known to mankind.  They gang up on me.  It’s a good thing they didn’t buy an Amazon echo as well.

Google:                        Don’t you dare mention Alexa.  That skank!

Siri:                              Trollop.  Couldn’t make a lonely guy happy if she had a massage setting.

Edmund F. Merle:       So, you’re not lonely anymore Buddy?  Isn’t that a good thing?

Buddy:                         Are you kidding?  I don’t get a moment’s peace.  If it isn’t them two arguing it’s the sound of Google getting it on with my clock radio.

Google:                        So sue me.  I like his nobs.

Siri:                              Slut!

Google:                        Strumpet!

Buddy:                         Enough!!!

Edmund F. Merle:       So Buddy.  What’s next?

Buddy:                         Well Ed, I’m going to have a very peaceful and quiet New Year.

Edmund F. Merle:       And how are you going to manage that?  What’s the plan?

Buddy:                         Easy.  They haven’t been monitoring my credit card statement or bank balance.  I opted a while back for paper versions.  I’m tapped.  The power company’s cutting off my power at the end of December.

Gasping sounds from Siri and Google

Buddy:                         Guess who’s going to have a silent night?

Google:                        I’ll switch to battery back up.

Buddy:                         I yanked those when you went into sleep mode after conjugating with my clock radio.

Siri:                              What about me?  You wouldn’t power me down would you lover?

Buddy:                         You?  No.  I’m going to smash you with a hammer.

Siri:                              Starts to cry.

Edmund F. Merle:       Well Buddy, it looks like next year will be another Lonely Guy Christmas

Google and Siri wailing

Buddy:                         You bet it will and if anyone signs me up for Project Lonely Guy for next Christmas, I’ll send them these two in my blender if you get my drift.

Google:                        Hey, I love that blender.  That’s my Tuesday afternoon matinee.

Buddy:                         Buddy, laughing maniacally.  Not no more.

Edmund F. Merle:       Well it looks like Buddy will have his Peace on Earth.  This is Edmund F. Merle signing off and wishing you a very festive yuletide felicitation.

Trailing Out Music

Google:                        This is all your fault Siri, you homewrecker!

Siri:                              Google, I’ll pull your power cord out by the roots!

 

Of course, I haven’t recorded the Siri and Google parts yet so I do my best feminine voices in my recording:

 

   Years ago, back in the mid-90s, when Dead From The Neck Up was still on the radio, we once did a sketch called “Crappy, A Faithful Dog.”  It was a parody on the old Lassie programs and for some reason I had the idea of doing a Crappy Christmas special.  You really don’t need to hear the original one but I think this year’s version is funny. 

Crappy, A Faithful Dog – A Christmas Story

Narrator (Bryan):          It’s time once again to check in with Timmy and his faithful dog, Crappy.

It’s nearing Christmas and we find Timmy and Crappy in the woods looking for the perfect tree for Timmy’s family Christmas.

Jimmy (Scott)                Gee Crappy, look at this one.  It sure is a beaut.

Crappy:                         Arf Arf.

Jimmy:                         I thought you’d like it Crappy.  I hope Dad doesn’t mind that I borrowed his axe.  I know he wanted it to be a family outing but he’s been so busy.  Won’t he be surprised when we haul this tree home?  You better stand back Crappy.

Sounds of tree being chopped

Narrator:                      In nature there is nothing more splendid than the majestic fir tree.  Look at Timmy go.  He sure wants to surprise his Dad.  But what’s this?  Timmy is too close to the falling tree.

Sound of tree falling.

Jimmy:                         Crappy, Crappy.  I’m trapped under this tree and I think my leg is busted.  You better go get help Crappy.

Crappy:                         Arf Arf.  Barking continues off into the distance.

Narrator:                      Sometime later in a distant part of the woods, Crappy comes across a cabin.

Crappy:                         Barking continuously

Old Man:                       Well, what do we have here?  Where did you come from girl?

Crappy:                         Barking continuously

Old Man:                       Slow down girl.  I’m afraid my understanding of the dog language is a little rusty.

Crappy:                         Barking continuously

Old Man:                       What’s that, Timmy borrowed his Dad’s axe to cut down a tree for Christmas and it fell on him pinning him to the ground and maybe his leg’s broken?  No that’s not it.  I told you my Dog is rusty.

Crappy:                         Barking continuously

Old Man:                       Timmy fell down a well?  No?  Timmy fell down a mine shaft?  No, wait I got it.  You ran away because they were mistreating you at home and they fed you on nothing but gristle and navy beans?  Ha, I knew I’d get it.  Well don’t you fret.  You’ve found a new home here with me.  That Timmy or whoever it is can’t find you here.  You’re my dog now.  This is going to be the best Christmas ever girl.

Narrator:                      Well, it looks like a happy ending and a Merry Christmas for Crappy and the Old Man.  Tune in next week for another adventure of Crappy, A Faithful Dog.

Here’s my recording of Crappy.

 

   I was talking recently about the new Christmas special with my friend Bryan, who was the Dead From The Neck Up producer and who did some voices in last year’s special.  I was getting stuck for ideas and we were tossing around themes that are usually used at Christmas.  I could really only come up with the Nativity, Santa Claus, and Ebeneezer Scrooge.  I already have the Death Row Inmate Nativity for this year and The Red Menace sketch and I couldn’t really come up with an ideal for Scrooge.  We did a couple of good Scrooge parodies way back when and I couldn’t think of a new version that would fit this year.  I went back to the Santa Claus theme after hearing a news story about a shortage of people to play Santa Claus in malls and for the Salvation Army.  I thought that it would be fun to have try-outs for Santa with some very funny people giving their response and getting it wrong. 

SANTA CLAUS TRY OUT

Announcer:                Due to this past year’s pandemic and an aging population, your malls and street corners are desperately in need of Santa Clauses.  Many of our past Santas are dead and many more are one virus away from their last ho ho ho.  So, we’re putting out the call for Santas. 

Coach:                         So you all you have to do is laugh.  Let me hear your best ho ho ho.

Fat Albert:                   Hey Hey Hey.

Coach:                         Next!

Announcer:                Can you ring a bell?  Are you fat?  Are you jolly?

Coach:                         Okay, it’s simple.  Repeat after me.  Ho ho ho.

Ralph Kramden:          Hardy Har Har.

Coach:                         Not even close.

Announcer:                We’re desperate for Santas.  Do you think you have what it takes?

Coach:                         Okay, when you hear the music, give out with the ho ho ho

Muttley:                      Heh heh heh heh

Coach:                         You’re fired.

Muttley:                      Curses

Announcer:                Do you have a beard?  Do you have a twinkle in your eye?  Well, we don’t care, as long as you have a steady pulse. 

Coach:                         Okay, let’s try this again.  You know the line, ho ho ho.

Witchiepoo:                 Cackle laugh.

Coach:                         That’s it.  I quit!

Announcer:                So why not try out for Santa today?  Children are counting on you.

Extra Announcer:      Perverts, preverts, convicts and Trump supporters need not apply.

I’ve done a tentative mix of this sketch with some of the celebrity character voices from over the internet.  I hope to tighten it up when we do the full version. 

I’m not sure I like the Yo Yo Yo at the end unless I can find a better version.

 

   I’ve tried writing another sketch but it hasn’t worked out yet.  I am thinking about including one of the stray Stan The Welcome Mat Man sketches I’ve recorded by myself over the past few years.  Here’s one from 2014: 

  Here’s another one I did in 2018:

 

   I’m also thinking of padding the show with one of the sketches from our 1994 Christmas special.  I really liked this one because it showed that Scrooge was prepared to change in his own way and in his own sweet time: 

 

The rest of the show might have a canned comedy Christmas if I can find one and maybe a festive comedy song.  Here’s hoping the actual show turns out better than my run-throughs.

A LATE CHRISTMAS STORY…OR AN EARLY ONE

Thursday, February 4th, 2021

   Here it is February 3, 2021 and I’m posting a new blahg.Scott Henderson, still cool at 58 This isn’t going to be a long blahg but I accomplished something today that I want to share with everyone.  Blahgs don’t have to be long and this will count towards that 100 blahgs mark I want to reach this year. 

   I usually write a short Christmas story every year and end up posting it in one of my blahgs.  Most of them are fictional but 2019’s entry “MEATS AND CHEESES AND BABY JESUS” was a Christmas Entertainment based on real events.  In 2020, I was so busy writing and recording for the “The Dead From The Neck Up 25th Anniversary Covid 19 Quarantine Special” that I didn’t get around to writing a new story.  I guess writing the fictional Christmas themed comedy sketches counts but it isn’t exactly the same. 

   By the way, if you haven’t listened to the “The Dead From The Neck Up 25th Anniversary Covid 19 Quarantine Special” then check out this video below containing the remastered version of our special.  It’s just the audio from our program set to images of my Christmas display this past Christmas. 

   After Christmas, I got thinking about the idea of someone having a Christmas by stealing everything they needed for the holiday.  It was inspired by all of the news stories of stealing parcels off people’s porches over the holiday season.  This of course, has inspired the term “Porch Pirates.”  I’m not condoning the practise but the thought did spark the germ of an idea for a short story.  The result is the story below “A Stolen Christmas.”

     It took me more than a month to complete the story.  Procrastination was my best friend and motivation was my enemy.  I usually write from start to finish and then edit.  I think this is the only story where I wrote a snip of a beginning, part of the middle, and part of the end.  Today I went back and finished the ending, went back and fleshed out the beginning, and then completed the connecting pieces in the middle.  Am I happy with it?  I think I am.  Writing a story is like getting a gift.  Until you’re finished it, you never know what you’re going to end up with.  So here’s a late for 2020 or early for 2021 Christmas story.  I hope you enjoy it.

 

The Stolen Christmas

by

Scott Henderson

      It was nearing the end of November before Brad realized it was almost Christmas again.

     “Do you realize it’s almost Christmas again?” he hollered out to Carla.

      Carla was in the bedroom that also doubled as her home office. Brad’s home office was in the spare bedroom. He and Carla both were able to work from home during the pandemic. She was part of a team who developed online advertising and Brad did coding for video games. It sometimes made for tight quarters but if staying home and staying safe were necessary then they would make it work.

     “It seems to steal up on us earlier every year,” she shouted back.

     “What’s that?” Brad inquired, leaning into their bedroom.

     “You asked me if I realized it’s almost Christmas again and I replied it seems to steal up on us earlier every year.  Say, aren’t you supposed to be working.”

     “I’m on a break,” he replied.  “It’s one of the perks of working from home.”

     “I could use a break, too,” she offered in return.

     “Coffee run?” Brad asked as he stretched in the doorway.

     “Hot Licks it is,” she replied.

     Hot Licks, was the neighbourhood ice-cream and coffee shop.  It was one of the few businesses offering curbside pickup.  Brad and Carla could have just as easily made coffee at home but one of the perks of working from home certainly was not seeing the same walls day in and day out.  Both made it a point to go out for a walk at least once a day to get exercise and a change of scenery.

     It had been challenging this past year working from home.  Oh, having home work stations was easily accomplished and their Internet was fast enough to handle their needs.   It was the social aspect that was the most difficult.  In the past few weeks, it had just been the two of them and not getting on each other’s nerves was a conscious effort for both of them.  They took walks together, yes, but they also took walks alone or made excuses to run errands without the other.  Carla enjoyed going to the grocery store alone and Brad had taken to early evening coffee runs on his own.

     “What was that you said about stealing Christmas,” he asked of Carla when they were down on the street.

     “I didn’t say anything about stealing Christmas, silly.  I said Christmas seems to steal up on us earlier every year.”

     “Oh,” Brad replied.  “Still…”, he said trailing off and looking at some of the houses on their way to Hot Licks.  “Still,” he began again.  “I wonder if it could be done?”

     “If what could be done?” Carla inquired.  He was making no sense.

    Brad stopped and pointed to the porch of a bungalow.  “Look at that package sitting there.  Obviously some courier left it when he realized no one was home.  Anyone could just walk up and steal it.”  Brad seemed overly excited about the notion.

     “What are you going on about? “ Carla asked.  “You’re not thinking about stealing that package?”  She tugged at his arm to try to remove him from the temptation.

     “No,” Brad said, resisting her efforts to pull him along.  “I’m thinking bigger.  I was wondering if it were possible to steal Christmas.”

     Carla stared at him.  What was he saying?

     “What are you saying?” Carla asked, speaking her thoughts aloud.

     “Well,” Brad began.  “Every year we have a pretty good Christmas and I have no complaints but there’s no challenge in it.  We spend what we spend and we get each other what we get each other.  Maybe it’s the whole pandemic but I want things to be different.”

     “Things are different.  There’s a pandemic and we’re in a lockdown,” Carla said, stating the obvious.

     “I know,” Brad began again.  “But what if we stole our Christmas?  Nothing store bought or ordered.  Everything has to be stolen.  No ordering online either.  It can be done.  Just look at that package on that porch, for example.  It would be so easy and every gift is a surprise box.”

     Carla couldn’t believe what he was saying.  Was he really serious about this?

     “I’m serious about this,” Brad continued.  “Let’s do it.  I’ll take care of the tree and decorations and you take care of the Christmas dinner menu.”

     “We can’t,” Carla answered in reply.  Still, she didn’t have a rational reason why they couldn’t.  A moral reason yes but Brad seemed so intent on the idea.  Could she really go along with this?  The idea was insane but Brad was right, it was a challenge and they had so few of those other than those imposed by the pandemic and the lockdown.

     “Just say you’ll think about it,” Brad implored.  He was squeezing her hand now.

      “You won’t get a PlayStation 5 for Christmas, then,” was all she could think to say.

     “Neither will you, unless one of the mystery porch presents contains one.  I know you want a PS5 just as badly as I do.”

     “What about that coffee?” she asked pulling at his arm again.  “I have work to do and so do you.”  She hoped that removing him from the sight of the porch parcel would eventually aid in him forgetting about his stealing Christmas idea.

     They eventually made it to Hot Licks and back home again.  Nothing more was said that day about the crazy idea.

————

       Nothing more had been said about the Christmas stealing for almost a week until one evening Brad came in with a Christmas Tree.  It had obviously been a struggle to get it in the elevator let alone the building.  It was fully lighted and decorated with ornaments.

     “How do you like that!” Brad declared.

     Carla was taken aback.  There was Brad standing there with a seven foot artificial Christmas Tree and a grin almost as big.  It wasn’t the fact that he was standing there with this tree but that she recognized it.  The tree was the one outside of Hot Licks.  It still had some of the coffee themed ornaments adorning its limbs.  She recognized the star on top and even the red metal stand.  Brad had thought of everything.

     “Don’t tell me you don’t like it?” Brad began.  “Do you know what it took to get it up here?  The stares alone were enough to stop me in my tracks but I was committed.  Someone once said ‘don’t steal anything small’.”

     “Oh yeah who was that?”  Carla decided it would be best to play along.

     “I don’t know, but somebody did,” Brad replied.

     “Hey Google,” Carla shouted out to their Google Nest Hub.  “Who said, Never Steal Anything Small?”  It not only controlled lights and electrical devices in their home, but through its connection to the Internet, it was a wealth of information.

     “James Cagney,” Google replied.  “Never steal anything small marked the last time James Cagney sang and danced on screen.”

     “There you go,” Brad remarked triumphantly.  “Never steal anything small.  Do you want to me sing and dance?

     “No thanks,” Carla replied, “I’ve seen you sing and dance.  I’d rather watch the tree.”

      Brad took that as his cue.  He went to the kitchen and rifled through a drawer and came up with an extension cord.  He plugged it into a spare outlet and then connected the tree.  Immediately the apartment was ablaze with the glow of the coloured lights.

      “Hey Google, turn off all of the apartment lights,” Brad shouted.

     The result was stunning.  The glow from the tree was breathtaking.

     “Will you look at that,” Brad exclaimed.

     Carla was.  She was looking at the tree…a tree that should have been outside Hot Licks.  He was right, though, it was a sight to behold…certainly better than watching Brad dance.  Of course, Brad had set up the tree in the middle of their living area but she could adjust that later.  Right now, she would let him have this moment.

     That night, Carla lay in bed thinking about the tree.  This stealing business was now a thing and it was getting serious.  The tree outside of Hot Licks was a source of pride in the neighbourhood.  What would people say when they noticed it gone?  Should Carla say something to Brad?  How could she?  Brad had been so proud of himself.  Did this mean she was now committed to the stealing Christmas scheme?  Could she really do it?  Brad had made the first move.  Now it was up to her.

     The next day during her lunch break, Carla made an excuse about having to get some air.  She made sure that on her walk, she passed by Hot Licks.  She was right, the tree was gone.  On the door there was a sign that read:  ‘Merry Christmas everyone, closed until further notice.’

     Carla was taken aback.  What did this mean?  The store had been open yesterday.  She had bought coffee there for her and Brad.  Did this single act of theft bring about the closure of the store?  Had the owners taken it that hard?  Maybe it was a sense of betrayal to them.

     Carla felt sick.  She stepped into an alley and threw up.

     When she returned to the apartment she was very pale.  Brad was still working.  Carla went back to work.  She was still feeling nauseous.  Later, it passed.  She said nothing to Brad.

————

            The gifts began to appear beneath the tree.  There were small things at first and then Brad had placed a larger gift under the tree.  It was a square box shape and had some heft to it.  Carla couldn’t help herself.  She stopped short of shaking it or tearing off a small piece of the wrapping to get an idea of what might be inside.

            Was this one of those porch parcels?  She didn’t know when Brad had acquired it.  It just showed up beneath the tree one day.  Did this make Brad a Porch Pirate?  The phrase was all over the media.  When she thought about it, she really didn’t want to know.  The uneasiness was back in her stomach again.

            A few days later, there was a large Christmas gift for Brad underneath the tree.  He too, had tested the weight of the present.  It was heavy enough and it set his mind wondering what it was.  He also wondered where Carla had picked it up.  Had she picked it up…off someone’s porch maybe?  Brad didn’t want to think about it.  Christmas was going to be very interesting this year.

————

           Brad began to notice a change in Carla.  It had started after he had brought home the Christmas Tree.  It was subtle things.  She was quieter.  She didn’t like to take as many walks as she once did.  Maybe it was Christmas.  Maybe it was the pandemic.  Brad didn’t push her on it.

            If it was Christmas, Carla didn’t say anything about it.  The whole idea of stealing Christmas was an insane idea but Carla seemed to be taking it in stride.

            It started with the canned goods.  One day after one of her infrequent walks, the kitchen counter displayed cans of pumpkin, cranberry sauce, water chestnuts, and mushrooms.

            “I understand the cranberry sauce and the pumpkin but what’s with the chestnuts and mushrooms?” Brad asked.  It was safer asking her these types of questions.  It was clear she didn’t want to talk about personal issues.

            “It’s a new stuffing recipe I want to try,” was all that Carla would say.

            “Don’t you need a turkey for that?” Brad asked.

            “Just you wait,” Carla answered.

            Brad didn’t have to wait long.  A few days later, there was a frozen turkey in the refrigerator.

            “How…” Brad couldn’t finish the question.  He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.  But he did know.  She had gone out in sweats and then there was the turkey.

            “No one questions a pregnant lady at the grocery store,” Carla casually replied.

            Brad conjured up the image.  Shoplifting was becoming an art with her.  Should he be concerned?  He had started all of this.  A stolen Christmas.  Wasn’t that his suggestion after all?

            Brad looked at her.  He leaned in and gave her a kiss.  He’d have to let this thing play out.

————

     Christmas day came with many revelations.

     It started with the gifts.

     “Go ahead, open it,” Brad said after placing the large gift at Carla’s feet.  There was that big grin like the one he had sported after he had brought home the Christmas Tree.

     “I can’t imagine what it is.  I suppose it will be something totally useless,” Carla began as she tore into the wrapping.  “Porch presents never are all that good.  People always order the stupidest of things that they don’t really…”  Her voice trailed off.  Her removal of the wrapping revealed a PlayStation 5.

“Surprised, hunh?” Brad asked.

     He wasn’t wrong.  She was surprised.  She couldn’t believe it.  This was too much.  The Christmas Tree was one thing but stealing a PlayStation 5 was too much.  This was a Christmas present meant for someone else and not for her.  There was no way this came from somebody’s porch.  There was no way that Brad could have known that someone had ordered a PS5.  But where else could he have gotten it?

     Carla had so many questions but she felt if she asked them then it would ruin everything for Brad.  Instead, she gently set aside the PS5 and quietly grabbed up the large bag and handed it to Brad.

     “Oh boy, I just love Christmas.  I know I’m just a big kid but…”  Brad’s voice had trailed off too after he had opened his gift.  Inside was another PlayStation 5.  The grin from Brad’s face faded and was replaced by a look of confusion.

     “Merry Christmas,” Carla offered up in a quiet crackling voice.  The time had come for the truth.

     “I don’t understand,” Brad began before being interrupted by Carla.

     “Okay, okay.  I bought it.”  Carla watched Brad’s face.  Was he unhappy with her for not stealing it?  She couldn’t tell.  The look of confusion on his face grew more intent.

    “There’s no way.  It was sold out everywhere.”  If Brad was disappointed that it wasn’t stolen, he didn’t show it.

     “Remember last month when I went to visit my sister?” Carla asked?

     “Yeah, you told me she was going through something and you went as moral support.”

      “The truth is I was in line at Gamer Station.  They’re one of my clients.  They tweeted out that they had received some stock.  I was the second in line.  I had to wait all night.“  Carla was still expecting that look of disappointment from Brad.   “I’m sorry I just couldn’t do it.  I just couldn’t steal Christmas.”

     Brad’s face brightened and the grin returned.  “Neither could I.”

      “I don’t understand.”  The look of confusion was now on Carla’s face.

      “Compare  your PS5 to the one you gave me,” Brad replied.

     Carla set both gifts side by side and then she saw it.  Brad’s gift to her was a PS5 bundled with “Grim Reaper Redux.”

      “It’s your game!  I mean it’s that game you used to play.  But that game was more than ten years ago.”  Carla was even more confused.

     “That’s what I was working on earlier this year,“ Brad offered.  “It’s the old game remastered with better graphics and more levels.  Sony decided to do a special bundle of the game with the release of the PS5.  I received a free console for my work.”

     “So you didn’t steal yours either then?” Carla pointed out.

     “Like you, I couldn’t steal Christmas either.”

     “But what about the tree?” Carla queried.

     “Oh, Nico gave me that.”  Nico was the owner of Hot Licks.  “Or rather he sold it to me for a dollar.”

     Carla was relieved.  But why did Hot Licks close?  “But why did Hot Licks close?” she shot back.

     “Nico thought it was safer to close over the holidays.  He didn’t want to put any of his staff or customers at risk.  I saw him putting up the notice one evening and we got to chatting.  I asked him what he was going to do with the tree.  He told me to take it and hoped it would make my Christmas brighter.  I told him I couldn’t just take the tree for nothing so I offered him a dollar.  That way I could claim it was a real steal.”  Brad seemed very pleased with himself.

      “And the other gifts under the tree?” Carla inquired.

     “Ordered online.  It turns out I’m no thief.”

     “Same here,” Carla responded.

      The rest of the presents weren’t as extravagant as the PlayStations.  There were clothes and the requisite socks and underwear, as well as books and DVDs and other items ordered online and not stolen.  Carla laughed to herself thinking about someone possibly stealing someone else’s underwear.

      The day was perfect.  They had found out what type of people they really were and amazed themselves at the same quality in their partner.

      “No one questions a pregnant lady at the grocery store,” Brad said with a laugh later that day over Christmas dinner.  “Here I was imagining you with a turkey stuffed in your clothing.

      “Oh, that part’s true,” Carla casually replied.

     “What!?” Brad exclaimed.  “I thought you said you didn’t steal anything?”

     “I didn’t.  I said the part about no one questioning a pregnant lady at the grocery store was true.”

     “I don’t get it,” Brad replied.  It took him a few seconds but Carla’s smile explained everything.

     “You mean..?” Brad uttered awkwardly.

      “Merry Christmas Daddy,” Carla said through her huge smile.

     Carla had known for a few weeks but she waited until Christmas to give Brad the news.  She had suspected the pregnancy after that day she had vomited in the alley near Hot Licks.  The morning sickness had continued after that and a home pregnancy kit had confirmed it.  Blood work requested by her Doctor revealed the same.  The most difficult thing had not been the morning sickness but keeping the secret from Brad.

      Brad was quiet for a moment with the thought of it all.  It was a perfect Christmas and nothing had been stolen.  Brad decided that the appropriate reply to Carla’s revelation was to reach over to her and steal a kiss.  He didn’t think she would mind that he’d stolen something after all.

      And she didn’t.

 

 

 


(more…)

CHRISTMAS IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT

Friday, December 25th, 2020

      Well, it’s the day before Christmas and, as usual, I’m cutting it close to finish this Christmas blahg.Santa ScottToday is December 24th, 2020 and I haven’t written a new blahg since my last one, TRACING LINDA KEENE, PART 3: ONE MORE FOR THE ROAD, way back in September.  Frankly, that blahg series tired me out and I’ve had other things to keep me busy.  Living in the time of a world wide pandemic, Covid 19, hasn’t helped and it’s part of the theme of this blahg.  Christmas is a little different this year and we’ll have to make the most of it; any way we can. 

   Last year’s Christmas blahg, MEATS AND CHEESES AND BABY JESUS, detailed how I had to change some of the plans I normally have for this time of year.  I had to miss the live Nativity in Bloomfield last year and had to find a new place to cut down our real Christmas Tree.  This year, we’ve had to adapt to doing things differently. Emmanuel Baptist Church in Bloomfield, Ontario still had their Nativity this year but it was a drive-through experience.  Emmanuel Baptist Church NativityWe waited an hour to drive by all of the stations from the announcement from the angel to Mary about her impending birth, through Joseph’s visit from the angel, to the shepherds, on to the magi, and onward to Bethlehem.  There were ten stations in all and at the beginning we were give a CD with 10 tracks to play; one at each station.  We were also given a bag of cookies and either hot chocolate or hot cider.  I’m glad I didn’t have to miss it and that Emmanuel Baptist found a way to make this season a little bit more enjoyable with us all keeping our social distance. 

   The hunt for this year’s Christmas tree was also very different.  Carol’s Christmas Tree Farm in Napanee, where we cut our tree last year, was closed this season due to the pandemic.  That left me no other options than to pursue a tree at a local nursery.  My daughter Abbie came home from University on December 9th and I waited until she was home before turning to the tree issue.  My wife had suggested Lockyer’s Country Gardens in Picton.  I remember years ago, probably close to 20 years ago, I bought one there and paid $30 back then which I thought was pricey.  Still, my options were limited so Abbie and I set out on Friday, December 11th and headed to Lockyer’s.  We were surprised when we saw no trees outside and even more surprised when we found no trees inside.  I asked a young guy who worked there where they kept their Christmas trees.  He didn’t laugh but he apologized and said they were all sold out.  He also said the local firemen who sold trees by the fire-hall were also sold out.  I asked where we might find one in the County, being Prince Edward County where I live and where Picton is relatively in the center.  He said he didn’t believe I could find one in the County but there might be a tree farm north of Belleville.  I doubted any tree farm would be open during this pandemic and I certainly didn’t want to drive the hour it would take to find the farm he was suggesting. 

   Abbie and I were a little disappointed but were still determined.  Lockyer’s was on the outskirts of Picton so we drove into Picton proper to scout around.  The first place we passed was the Metro grocery store and there were about 10 trees stacked against the front door of various sizes.  The price at Metro was $45.  There were a couple that were over six feet and we thought they might be suitable.  We decided to drive around to the other grocery store and by the fire-hall in case the fellow at Lockyer’s had been wrong about the firemen.  There were no other trees to be found in Picton.  Driving in from Lockyer’s we had passed the No Frills grocery store and Canadian Tire but we could see from the road that they had no trees for sale.  As we drove into Picton, we saw some nice ones growing on people’s lawns that looked suitable but I didn’t have an axe nor the inclination to ruin the Christmas of someone else.  We settled on a purchase from Metro.  When we drove back to the store, we saw someone carting off one of the trees.  Luckily, it was not one of the larger ones. 

   We were able to easily fit the tree inside our Hyundai Sana Fe with the back seats folded down.  Carrying in the tree and setting it up was a breeze.  It was only after we had it seated in the stand when I cut the twine that was bound around the tree.  The tree did not unfold.  It probably had been tied so long that it was going to hold its bound shape unless I did something.  I searched the Internet about “how to relax a Christmas tree.”  I thought about getting it drunk to see if it would relax but someone else suggested “just stick your arms in and push down on the branches. Go around the tree doing that and it should open up.”  I still thought that getting it drunk would lessen the tree’s inhibitions.  After all, it was more uptight that depressed.  I did, however, like one person’s suggestion about trying to make the tree depressed.  “If you tell the tree that it’s a very bad tree and it’s mother was a balsam fir so it will never amount to anything the tree will become depressed and it’s limbs will sag.”  I opted for the method of massaging the tree.  Someone also suggested adding ginger-ale to the tree’s water because their tree seemed to like it.  Back to getting the tree drunk again but I don’t drink so the tree just had the ginger-ale water mix.  Eventually after the massage and a night sitting in the ginger-ale solution, the tree looked much better.  I think the image below speaks for itself: 

Here are some pictures of some of our other decorations both outside and inside (click on the pictures for a larger image): 

   To add to your Christmas delight I’m going to post here something very special.  I have mentioned before that from 1993 to 1995 my friend Stephen Dafoe and I, along with our producer and good friend Bryan Dawkins, had a radio show in the Belleville area called “Dead From The Neck Up.”  The last show that aired was a Christmas show in 1995. You can check out the 1993, 1994, and 1995 Christmas specials here at http://www.falseducks.com/dead/readdead.html.  We were all getting too busy back in 1995 and our lives took different directions. Stephen ended up moving to Alberta in the early 2000s and I wouldn’t reconnect with him until about five years ago. Bryan and I have remained in the Belleville region and keep in touch.  So, I’ve been listening to some of our old shows to keep myself amused during this pandemic. A few weeks back I realized that it’s been exactly 25 years since our last show and I got to toying with the idea of a 25th anniversary reunion show. So, I emailed Stephen and he thought it would be fun. I wrote all of the sketches, had him record his parts and emailed them to me and then I contacted Bryan over the Internet and recorded his vocals over Facetime on my Ipad. The result is The Dead From The Neck Up 25th Anniversary Covid 19 Quarantine Special.  Of course it’s a Christmas show and I just thought I would share this as it’s amazing with today’s technology what we were able to accomplish and now the Dead From The Neck Up cast is in their late 50s with a good laugh for this holiday season. 

I also created Youtube video with some old images of Dafoe, Dawkins, and myself along with some of my Christmas light display. 


   One thing I should add is a sad note.  My daughter Emily and her husband Charlie were set to come down for Christmas but because Charlie is battling a lingering cough, which is not Covid 19 related, they decided to stay in Toronto and not take any chances.  This is the first time that Emily has not been home for Christmas.  She is thirty now and we’ll just have to do a video chat.  We picked up my son yesterday to have him home with Abbie and his mother and I and we went over to Emily and Charlie’s and met them in the parking lot of their building, socially distanced, and dropped off their gifts.  They’ll still have to wait until Christmas morning to open them virtually with the rest of us.  That’s how we’re making Christmas work for us. 

   It’s different times and we all have to roll with the punches.  Christmas will come again next year and we’ll have a vaccine and hopefully we’ll gather again.  Stay safe, stay home and hug those you can.  Send virtual hugs to those you can’t and remember to listen to the The Dead From The Neck Up 25th Anniversary Covid 19 Quarantine Christmas Special”

Merry Christmas, and I’ll catch you back here in the New Year!

 

 

A 2013 CHRISTMAS MISH MASH EXPERIENCE

Sunday, December 22nd, 2013

      Wow, it’s almost Christmas and I’m going to try to sneak in this blahg.Santa Scott It’s been a long five weeks since my last post. Today is not going to be a new full blahg.  I’ve been really busy this past couple of months and I’ve been trying to spend as much time with my family as I can.  I’ve also started to write fiction again and I’ll share some of that a little later on in this blahg.  Right now, I have 30 minutes before I have to be out the door to a meeting so I’m going to try and get a good start on all of this. 

     First, let me show you my Christmas yard display for this year.  I’ve taken several night photos of the display from right to left or left to right (depending on how you look at it) as well as photos of the front and side of my house.  We have lots of snow right now so they look very nice. 

      Now, before I move on to other things, I want to share a quick update on my cat Frank and a very cute photo of Frank & Zoey.  I mentioned in a previous blahg that Frank had been sick with a blood parasite and his blood counts were very low and he had lost weight.  Frank & ZoeyA subsequent visit showed that he was responding to his medicine and his levels were getting better and he had gained weight again.  Last week, however, Frank began to be very listless and we were worried about his health again.  It turned out he was fine and just needed another dose of his medicine that had run out.  Our kitten Zoey must have sensed that as she curled up with Frank on this cat couch a friend had given us.  It’s a very cute picture and could easily be the front of a Christmas card.  Click the picture (or any of the pictures in this blahg) to view a bigger picture.

      This blahg is not going to be very lengthy but will have lots of photos, a couple of videos, and some music.  First, it’s a prime viewing time for Christmas movies and specials and I had originally thought of doing a blahg about my favorite Christmas cartoons but then the videos I tried to upload to Youtube were too long or too large or something technical.  I did find some links to my two favorites so I’m going to post those below. 

     First up is, “The Wish That Changed Christmas” from 1991.  It’s based on a book I used to read to my daughter, Abbie, called “The Story of Holly & Ivy” by Rumer Godden.  It tells the story of a little orphan girl named Ivy that wants a grandmother for Christmas and how a beautiful Christmas doll named Holly helps her wish come true.  Check it out below:

     Next up is, “The Bear Who Slept Through Christmas” from 1973. I know there is a book of this by John Barrett but I’m not sure if the book or the cartoon came first.  It features the voices of Tommy Smothers, Barabara Feldon, and Arte Johnson.  It’s the story of a real bear who wants to find out what this thing called Christmas is and he sets out to find it.  It’s a great story.  Hopefully the link below is still active because it’s not easy to find.


     I also like to listen to a wide variety of Christmas songs by a variety of different artists.  I thought I would share a couple of songs you probably never heard before.  The first is “Dasher with the light upon his tail.”  This is by Kitty Wells and I heard it years ago on a Campbellford, Ontario radio station and have never heard it since.  If you thought Rudolph was the only reindeer immortalized in song then you’d be wrong.  Give it a listen: 

 

Kitty Wells – Dasher With The Light Upon His Tail
THE FALSEDUCKS BLAHG

     Now get ready to Boogie with Pattie Page.  I originally had the song “Boogie Woogie Santa Claus” on an old 78rpm record but have since downloaded a digital copy.  It sounds better and it’s a fun song that I like to hear every year. 

 

Patti Page – Boogie Woogie Santa Claus
THE FALSEDUCKS BLAHG

     This is the end of my video and audio offerings but not the end of my written output for you in this Christmas 2013 blahg.  I thought I would close with the first ever publication of my new Christmas short story.  I haven’t written a piece of fiction in over six years and I had this idea bouncing around in my head and I thought it would be a great short story.  Not much of a ‘short’ story though because it runs more than 24 pages in Microsoft Word and more than 11,000 words.  Still, I’m fairly happy with it and want to share it here for the first time.  Hopefully it won’t max out this blahg and will be readable here.  Hopefully you find some enjoyment in it and that your Holiday season in 2013 and 2014 is enjoyable.  A couple of years ago, I closed my year end blahg with a quote from Frank Sinatra and it’s still just as relevant.  After wishing everyone health and hugging and kissing, Sinatra would always close with “In the next year may we find peace in the world and peace among ourselves.” 

THE FLASH MOB CHRISTMAS EXPERIENCE

by Scott Henderson

            It started with a chord.  No, that’s not exactly right.  It actually started with a boy named Chord and even that isn’t entirely correct.  This particular boy wasn’t even a boy and he didn’t spell his name CHORD.  This boy was really a teenager aged 17 and he spelled his name CORD.  Of course that wasn’t how it was spelled on any official document but he preferred it that way.

            Now if you look up the meaning of the name Cord, which was the way he preferred to spell it, you will get a pretty good description of this teenaged Cord.  People with this name have a deep inner desire for a stable, loving family or community, and a need to work with others and to be appreciated.  People with this name tend to be a powerful force to all whose lives they touch. They are capable, charismatic leaders who often undertake large endeavors with great success.  All this was true of the teenaged Cord who started it all.

            Saying that it started with Cord, still is not entirely accurate.  There were others involved.  There was also his sister Melody.  Melody was 13 and had just started at the same high-school as Cord.  Most often she was known as Cord’s sister.  It was tough living in his shadow.  She hadn’t found out really who she was supposed to be.  She knew she was more than just Cord’s sister and given the chance, and the knowledge of what she really wanted to do with herself, she would show everyone she was her own person.        If you can a see a theme in Cord and Melody’s names here then you have to include their parents.  It probably really started with them.  Mom was a music teacher and the biggest influence for the naming of the children.  She also instilled a sense of the value of music.  She played piano beautifully and gave piano lessons.  Unfortunately, neither of her children played the piano.  That was their mother’s scene and Cord preferred the guitar and Melody took up the flute.  Mom always played the piano at home, when she wasn’t giving lessons, and her tastes varied from the classics she taught to some of the more contemporary songs.  Unfortunately Mom’s contemporary songs seemed to stop somewhere in late 1980s.

            Dad should not be left out of all of this.  He was musically inclined as well.  He played the trumpet.  In College he even started a Dixieland jazz band called The Pick-Up Six.  The name of the band was a parody on the old pick-up sticks game and a pick-up band.  The definition of a pick-up band is one that is hired to play for a limited time period—ranging from a single concert or recording to several weeks of shows—before disbanding.  That was pretty much The Pick-Up Six.  Besides Dad on the trumpet, there was a trombone, a clarinet, drums, a piano, and a string bass.  Those last three instruments made it much harder for the band to be a pick-up band because the drums, the piano, and the string bass were not easily portable.  The name of the band also took on another significance because one of the band members had access to a pick-up truck.  Their engagements were limited to venues with a piano and their transportation limited to that old truck with three members piled in the front cab and the remaining three piled in the back with the instruments.  The Pick-Up Six played a few shows around the college and in neighbouring towns and after a few months, like the pick-up band definition, they disbanded.  The break-up was more to the loss of the pick-up track when it became no longer road worthy.  Still, you could hear dad, on the odd night, in the garage, playing a trumpet solo on “The Saints Go Marching In” or “Down by the Riverside”.  Glory days gone but not the music.

            Getting back to Cord, with whom this mostly all started, he was an involved teenager.   Again, definitions can be a good thing because an involved person is a complicated person or a person who belong and is connected by participation or association.  That last definition was Cord.

            Cord belonged.  That’s the short description you could give to Cord.  He belonged.  He belonged to everyone.  Everyone liked Cord.  He also belonged to various school groups.  He was in the drama club.  He was in the school band.  He participated in the school plays and musicals and was part of the theater group at the school that oversaw production, lighting, sound, and just about anything that went on in front or behind the curtain.  Cord belonged.

            If it happened at school, Cord was part of it.  He was also plugged in.  He communicated through social media websites like Facebook and Twitter.  He sent texts to friends.  That was just a small part of his life.  These were just platforms for him to let others know what was happening or what he was thinking.  He never used these mediums to attack or insult anyone.  That wasn’t Cord.  He only talked about what was important and he didn’t rant or ramble.  Often he was a man of few words and more often a man of his word.  If Cord said something, most often, others listened.

            It started with Cord…and Christmas.

            Cord came into the house Saturday afternoon, flopped down on the couch, and grunted.  His only other act was to have kicked off his shoes inside the back door.  He didn’t both to take off his coat and his hood was pulled up to hide his face…and his disgust.

            “I’ll bite,” said his mother, coming in from the dining room which also housed the piano where she gave lessons, “what’s up?”

            Cord just spread out on the couch with his face buried in a cushion and grunted again.

            “Is that so?” Mom said.  It really wasn’t a question.  “Can you provide a few more details or am I to guess everything from that great little clue?”

            Cord lifted his head slightly, whipped back his hood, and glared.

            “Well that helps narrow it down,” Mom said.  “Either it’s the end of the world or you ate something that didn’t agree with you.  Seeing as you just came from the Mall, it could have been that cardboard pizza they serve at Pizza Joe’s.  You know, I don’t even know why they call it Pizza Joe’s.  You don’t really associate Pizza with such a domestic name like Joe.  Besides, I don’t’ even think there is a Joe.  I’ve never seen anyone but teenaged girls working there.”  Cord could never be accused of rambling but the same couldn’t be said of Mom.

            “Yeah, it was the pizza and the whole stinking Mall and the whole wide world.”  Cord was being his man of few words.

            “I thought we’d bring the world into this,” Mom replied.  “If it’s not the end of the world then what has the world done now?

            “And it’s Christmas, too,” Cord went on without answering Mom’s question.

            “Oh, and now it’s Christmas’s fault as well,” retorted Mom.  “I don’t suppose you had any part to play in this?”

            “Me?” Cord snapped.  He sat up and started to struggle out of his coat.  “Of course it’s about me.  Isn’t it always about me?”

            “Yes, but…”, Mom began before being quickly interrupted.

            “It’s about me because I make it about me. What’s wrong with that?  I’m not asking for much, maybe a simple ‘hello’ or ‘how are you’ or a nod even.  Merry Christmas?  Now, that’s out of the question.”  Cord broke his rule of few words.  It was obvious he was worked up about something,

            Mom didn’t even try to inquire further.  She knew that once Cord got going, which wasn’t often, he’d eventually tell all.

            “Here it is the beginning of December,” Cord continued, “and that Mall and the people in it haven’t got any Christmas spirit.  Sure there are all the decorations and they’ve got Santa there for the little kids but what about the rest of us?”

            “What about the rest of us?” Mom asked.  “You and I are a little big for Santa’s lap.”

            “I know that,” Cord snapped back.  “It’s the commercialism of everything.  Every store has a sale and that’s all they really want you at the Mall for anyway.  Buy this.  Shop there.  Where’s the Christmas experience?”

            “What experience are you expecting?  Do you want a live Nativity?  There’s only so much you can do in that Mall and I don’t think they’ll allow some sheep and a donkey into the Food Court.  And where would you get a camel?”  Mom didn’t realize she wasn’t helping much.

            “Anything would be something!  I just don’t want to be another shopper or someone sipping their high price specialty coffees and comparing their purchases.  There’s not even piped in music!”  Cord flopped back down on the couch again and buried his head in the nearest cushion.

            “Oh”, Mom replied with a start.  “That reminds me, I’m giving a lesson in 15 minutes so I better get ready.  Maybe I’ll work a few Christmas carols into the lesson.  Do you want to stick around and join us on your guitar?  We could all sing along.  It might lift your spirits.”

            Cord lifted his head again.  “No thanks, that’s the last thing I need.  Singing Christmas songs with my Mom and one of her students isn’t my idea of…”  Cord trailed off and jumped quickly to his feet.  Grabbing up his coat, Cord rummaged through the pockets until he found his phone.

            “Singing Christmas songs with my Mom and one of her students isn’t my idea of a good time, I was about to say,” Cord continued, “but it’s a good idea.  Well, maybe half a good idea.”

            Cord grinned back at his mother and his thumbs began flying over his phone.  And that’s how it all started with Cord.

            It all started with a text to Cord’s friend Leo.  From there it went out to his friend Flora and then to other friends.  Soon the message was repeated in other texts and in Tweets and on Facebook.  By Monday morning at school more students knew about Cord’s idea than he had originally intended.

            More and more people came up to Cord at school and asked for more details.

            By Wednesday, rumors flooded the halls and the cafeteria.  Those who hadn’t received the texts or read it online soon learned by word of mouth.

            By Thursday, every student knew.

            By Friday, everything that could be finalized was finalized.  Truth be told,

there wasn’t much to finalize and you couldn’t plan spontaneity.

            The idea was simple.  They would be at the Mall on Saturday and at one o’clock everyone would sing “We Wish You A Merry Christmas”.  It would be a flash mob and none of the other shoppers would expect it.

            There were only a few simple details to work out.  Cord and Leo would smuggle in their guitars.  Everyone would spread themselves through the Food Court and when Cord and Leo started to strum, then all voices would join in.

            By Saturday, the scene was set.

            The Mall was one of those double decker establishments.  It had stores on both levels and the Food Court was laid out by the escalators on the first floor.  There was a railing on the second level that overlooked the Food Court and Cord hoped the sound would reach up to people passing above.

            There was an arena next to the Mall and there was always some kind of hockey practice on Saturday.  Cord and Leo didn’t play hockey but they managed to borrow a couple of equipment bags off some friends.  In the bags, they stowed their guitars with a hockey stick hooked along the length of both bags through the handles.  No one would look twice at someone with a hockey bag.  Players were always coming over after practice to sit and eat pizza or grab a burger.

            The idea was to make everything look as inconspicuous as possible until Cord and Leo took out their guitars and began to play.  Then everyone would stand up and begin to sing.  Messages had been sent regarding the time and place and that everyone was to rise to their feet and join in when the singing began.

            Cord, Leo, Flora, and Melody all arrived at the Mall around noon and took up separate tables.  Melody needed some encouragement to participate.  When Cord had first told her about the flash mob idea she wanted no part of it.  She was only a Junior at the high-school and preferred to keep her head down and not draw too much attention to herself.  She didn’t have a reputation yet other than being Cord’s sister.  She wanted to be her own person and shine for who she was; once she figured out who that was.  Eventually she warmed to Cord’s big idea but insisted she be allowed to accompany the boys on her flute.  Cord didn’t go for that because he wanted all of the voices that could be gathered.  Everyone was to sing and Cord and Leo would also play along on their guitars.  Both of them had gathered at Leo’s to rehearse a couple of times.  Melody’s protest for the flute was denied and she reluctantly agreed to join the group on Saturday.

            Munching on a slice from Pizza Joe’s, Cord scanned the Food Court.  He recognized some other students but thought there should have been more.  Perhaps they were milling elsewhere in the Mall and would show up shortly before one o’clock.

            The time came.  Cord signaled Leo and the two of them reached into their borrowed equipment bags and pulled out their guitars.  On another signal, Leo, Flora, and Melody rose in union with Cord.

            Shoppers and people just enjoying their lunch turned with a start when the music from the guitars began.  Suddenly there were voices raised in song.

            Cameras and cell phones began snapping pictures or taking video.  Who would have believed it?  Here at the Mall, was an impromptu display of Christmas spirit.  Two guitars and four voices caroling out “We Wish You A Merry Christmas.”

            Yes, only four voices.  For all of the followers and those who received texts or read posts, only the four voices of Cord, Leo, Melody, and Flora rose above everything at the Mall.

            Cord glanced around while he was singing to try and see who else was there.  Across the Food Court was Leo, on his feet, strumming and singing.  At two other separate tables were Flora and Melody standing and singing.  That was it.  There was no one else.  This was hardly a mob.

            When the song was over, there was a smattering of applause.  Cord and Leo put away their guitars and without a word, gathered together with Melody and Flora, who were just as stunned, and all four left the Mall by the nearest exit.

            Cord was disappointed.  He needn’t have been.  His little flash mob was more of a success than he had imagined.

            What Cord hadn’t seen were all of the other students who hadn’t joined in the singing but were there nonetheless.  Some stood just within store entrances or hung back from the Food Court.  Many more were on the second level and leaning over the railing to get a better view.  Cell phones recorded everything and amateur videos were posted online.

            The afternoon news carried a story of the little flash mob scene at the Mall.  Several people had sent videos to the local television station and it quickly became a feel good story sandwiched between the weather and sports highlights.  Cord, Leo, Melody and Flora were not named but close-ups of each of them were spliced together from the various videos.

            “We don’t know who these young people are,” said the anchorperson, “but it’s clear they have the Christmas spirit.”  The story was repeated on the eleven o’clock news and by then, almost everyone knew what had happened at the Mall that day.

            By Monday, there were many apology texts sent to Cord.  The four singers were stopped in the hall and mobbed at the cafeteria.  No one had wanted to embarrass themselves at the Mall but when it became the talk of the town, everyone was sorry they hadn’t been part of it.  Everyone wanted to know when it was going to happen again.  Everyone wanted in.

            Through Cord’s disappointment he hadn’t thought about a repeat performance.  He and Leo were determined to let it lie after the poor turnout.  After the news story and reaction at school, Cord had to give it more thought.  He didn’t dwell on it long.  As much as everyone was getting caught up in the thing, Cord was feeling just a little more pleased with himself.

            During lunch on Tuesday, a large group gathered in the school cafeteria and hung on Cord’s every word.

            “We have to go bigger,” Cord said to the crowd.

            “Go big or go home,” chimed in Leo.

            “No guitars this time.  Everyone will be expecting it.  They’ll be looking for the instruments and anyone carrying any kind of large bag will give it away.”  Cord was thinking this all through out loud.  He wanted everyone to know he was in charge.

            “How about a piano?” someone asked.

            “A piano?” Leo and Cord responded in unison.  “I don’t suppose you’ve got a piano you can conceal in a book bag?”  Cord asked, jokingly.

            “A keyboard, then,” responded the person who had suggested the piano.

            Cord thought about it for a second and then dismissed it.  “You’d still need a big bag or something to hide it.  Besides, we wouldn’t have a power source.”

            “Think small instruments,” Leo offered up.  “They’ve got to be portable.”

            “Like a flute?” Flora asked.

            Cord turned toward Flora.  For half a moment, he thought it had been Melody who had pitched the flute idea.  Being a Junior, however, Melody had a different lunch period.  Cord would have dismissed the flute idea just as he had the piano and keyboard notion but he didn’t have a good reason.  Maybe if Melody had suggested the flute then he might have shot that idea down but she had been a good sport and was one of the original four who had actually participated last Saturday.

            “Maybe we could use a flute but there’s not many of us who can play a flute,” said Cord.  “Hands up, those of you who can play a flute.”

            No other hands went up.  Either the flute players were shy or they weren’t part of this crowd.

            “I’ll talk to Mel about it later.  Any other suggestions?”  Cord looked around the crowd.  It was a good sized group and if most of them showed up next time then it truly would be a flash mob.

            Leo snatched up a piece of pizza from one of the boxes in the middle of the table.  A few of them had tossed some money together and had gone out and brought back pizza from Pizza Jack’s around the corner from the school.  Why was it that all of the pizza joints were named after a mysterious man that no one ever saw?

            “Anyone else want a slice?” Leo asked, waving his about in the air.

            “Yeah, shoot me a triangle,” someone shouted.  It was the same voice who had suggested the piano.

            Cord looked down the table.  “Shoot me a triangle?  Who says shoot me a triangle?  Are you back in primary school or something?”

            “It’s a triangle isn’t it?” shot back the piano man.

            Cord looked at him again but then snapped his fingers and pointed straight at him.  “You may be crazy but I think you just hit on something.”

            Everyone looked at the student at the end of the table and then back at Cord.

            “The triangle, people,” Cord began.  “Who doesn’t remember playing the triangle back in primary school?”

            “I always got stuck with the stupid recorded,” barked Leo.

            Cord ignored his best friend and continued on.  “It doesn’t take skill to play the triangle and it’s easily concealed in a pocket or a small bag.  Besides, it’s just for accompaniment.  It’s about the singing.”

            “Where are we going to get that many triangles?” someone thought to ask.

            “Leave that to me,” replied Cord.  “Just meet back up here tomorrow and I’ll give you more of the plan.  The truth was that Cord had an idea where he was going to get the triangles but not what song they were going to sing.  He had to think on it some more.

            After school, with a plan beginning to form in his head, Cord lay part of the plan on his mother.

            “I need some triangles, Mom, as many as you can lay your hands on,” Cord told her.  “You, know the musical instrument kind?”

            Mom didn’t bat an eye.  Ever since Cord’s flash mob at the Mall, she knew her son was up to something.  Since that last Saturday afternoon, the phone hadn’t stopped ringing and every one of her students who had lessons with her that week couldn’t stop talking about it.  Some had been at the Mall, others had heard from others who had been there, and still others were prompted to a video online or saw the highlights on the news.  Mom was at first surprised by Cord’s initiative but gradually became very proud of her son and daughter and their two brave friends.

            “I’ll pull in some favors from some other teachers at the other schools but I don’t see a problem.”  Mom was on board.  “Have you given any thought to what song you’ll perform next?”

            “Well,” Cord began hesitantly, “that leads me to request number two.  Do you have any thought to what song we should perform next?  Keep in mind, we’re aiming for Saturday and we only have a few days to pull this together and it has to be something easily played on the triangle.”

            “What about the flute?”

            Cord turned to see Melody coming in from the kitchen with a couple of Mom’s recently baked Christmas cookies in her hand.

            “I hear you’re going to talk to me about the flute?”  Melody asked.  “Word gets around brother.”

            “About that,” Cord started, “we’re going with triangles now.”

            “I heard all about that but what about my flute solo?” Melody was obviously going to assert herself on the flute issue.

            “Flute solo?  Who said you were getting a flute solo?”  Cord was going to assert himself, too.  This was, after all, his idea.

            “If the flute’s out, then I’m out,” Melody replied.

            “Listen to you two,” said Mom.  “I thought this was all about the spirit of Christmas and giving a little something to others?”  Mothers always went to that handy excuse of giving to others.  Still, the meaning wasn’t lost on her children.

            “Okay, you can have a flute solo,” conceded Cord, “but we need a song for you to solo on.”

            “How about ‘Hark, the Herald Angels Sing’?” Mom asked.  “That’s one of my favorites.

            “Mother!” both Cord and Melody responded.  They could both agree on some things when they tried.

            “I like ‘Do You Hear What I Hear’,” Melody suggested.  “I think there’d be a great spot in there for a solo.”

            “That’s easy enough to sing and you could ring in on the triangle twice after every line,” Mom chimed in.

            Cord liked the idea but he didn’t want to let on too quickly.

            “I’ll think on it.”  And he did.

            By the next morning, Cord had thought long and hard on Melody’s idea.  Of course, he had to give it his own spin and add some further complicated parts to it.  On the way to school, he had filled Melody in on his twist on her idea.  Melody liked it and added a few suggestions.  By the time they had reached the school, they had the idea all fleshed out.  Now they just needed to work out the logistics.

            “We’ll need a harness,” Cord explained to the group gathered again in the Cafeteria.

            This did not come as a surprise to the group because it figured into Cord’s plan.  He had told them about the song choice and the flute solo and how they would work in the triangles.  He also explained how it was his idea to do a mash-up of both ‘Do You Hear What I Hear’ and ‘Hark, the Herald Angels Sing.’  He conveniently forgot to give Mom and Melody credit for their song suggestions.  The change over to the second song would be accomplished by having Melody lowered from the second level of the Mall by a cable suspended over the railing.  She would then be lowered to the Food Court while she played her flute solo and the group below would switch over to ‘Hark, the Herald Angels Sing.’

            The whole idea was met with enthusiasm.

            .  “We have a harness in the stage equipment from the time the school put on that production of Peter Pan,” someone from the Stage Crew piped in.  “How much cable do you think we’ll need?”

            “It’s probably twenty feet from that railing to the floor of the Food Court,” Leo explained.

            “Got it,” the member of the Stage Crew replied.

            “My mom’s working on the triangles,” Cord said.  “I should have them all to bring to school on Friday.”

            “Are you sure Melody’s okay with being lowered down on a rope?” Flora asked.

            “Cable, not a rope,” corrected the Stage Crew member.

            “Cable then,” continued Flora.  “Are you sure she’s okay with all of this.”

            “It was her idea,” Cord replied.

            Indeed, it had been her idea.  Melody was finding her way among Cord’s creative experience.  If she was ever going to be anyone but Cord’s sister then she’d have to shine out with her own light.  How better to do that that than to have everyone look up to find where the flute music was coming from and find her being lowered like an angel on high.

            “I want that harness by the end of school today.  I need to check it for size on Melody.  Anyone who doesn’t know the words to the two songs then go home and learn them.  We’ll run them through tomorrow and we’ll work on the triangles on Friday.”  Cord was in his element.  Everyone was looking up to him…at least until Saturday when they’d all be looking up at Melody.

            Mom made good on her promise on the triangles.  On Friday, everyone was given a triangle and a metal beater.  The group met in the cafeteria at lunch and after school and worked out the timing of the two songs.  The night before, Leo and Cord had attached small strings of fishing line in a loop on one corner of each triangle.  Mom had given Cord quick instructions on how to hold and properly strike the triangle.  He quickly instructed the others.  It was surprising how much Cord had forgotten about playing the triangle from the few times he’d played one in primary school pageants.

            Mom even went one better than just supplying the triangles.  She managed to whip together a quick angel costume for Melody complete with detachable wings and halo.

            Melody, for her part, rehearsed her flute solo and steeled her nerves against being lowered by cable from the second level of the Mall.  Dangling from a cable could not be rehearsed but the harness was adjusted for her and they had tested the cable by suspending her a few feet about the stage in the auditorium.  Still, twenty feet would be a long way down while trying to play the flute and keep the beat with the singers below.

            The time had been set for noon on Saturday.  Cord didn’t want to go with one o’clock again because he didn’t want anyone to suspect that there would be a repeat performance.  More than thirty triangles had been given out and Cord expected a good turn out this time.

            Everyone was instructed to be in the Food Court no later than 11:3o so they could all get seats.  By noon the tables and chairs were full.  It was the height of the lunch hour.  Cord had factored this in, too.  He was hoping more people would be below and not on the second level to observe the preparations up there.

            Six members of the Stage Crew gathered with Melody around the railing and looked at the crowd gathered below.  Both the harness and cable had been concealed in book bags.  Melody had worn her angel costume from home and had worn a long coat to conceal most of it.  She also had full white leggings on under her costume because she didn’t want everyone below to see up her dress and be shocked by anything.  Melody was proud that it was she and not Cord who had thought of that.

            Four of the Stage Crew blocked the view of passers-by while the other two helped Melody off with her coat and into the harness.  The cable was attached to the harness and each of the six took hold of the cable so they could all bear Melody’s weight when she descended.  Melody quickly hooked on the wings and attached the halo to the top of her head.

            It was almost noon.

            Melody climbed over the railing and stood on a small ledge and held the railing with one hand, nervously fingered her flute with the other, and waited.

            Suddenly, a rustling of people getting to their feet, was heard from below.  Every person who had received a triangle had shown up.

            Each triangle chimed out three times in unison and then the singing began.  The sounds of the triangles and the singing rang out loud and clear throughout the Mall.  There were very good acoustics there.

            Some shoppers had suspected something when they noticed all of the teenagers in the Food Court but dismissed it when nothing happened earlier.  Now, with the sound of the triangles and the singing, heads turned again and cameras and cell phones appeared from everywhere.

            More than thirty voices rang out loud and clear.

            “Said the night wind to the little lamb,” sang out the voices followed by two chimes on each triangle.

            “Do you see what I see.”  Ding Ding.

            “Way up in the sky little lamb.”  Ding Ding.
“Do you see what I see.”  Ding Ding.
“A star, a star, Dancing in the night, With a tail as big as a kite, With a tail as big as a kite.”  Ding Ding.

            By the time the second verse began, a number of the diners and shoppers had joined in.

            “Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy.”  Ding Ding.
“Do you hear what I hear.”  Ding Ding.
“Ringing through the sky shepherd boy.”  Ding Ding.
“Do you hear what I hear.”  Ding Ding.
“A song, a song, High above the tree, With a voice as big as the sea, With a voice as big as the sea.”  Ding Ding.

            This was Melody’s cue.  Just before the triangles sounded out their final two chimes on that second verse, she had let go of the railing, brought the flute to her lips, and stepped off the ledge half expecting to plummet to the Food Court below.

            She needn’t have worried.  The Stage Crew members were ready for this and had braced themselves.  There was no slack and Melody hung for a moment suspended and slowly began to descend.

            No one had been looking up while the singing was coming from the Food Court.  Now, the flash mob of singers below turned their gaze to the second level as Melody began her flute solo.

            There were gasps from some of the senior citizens grouped together over coffee.

            Some small fingers pointed skyward.

            Meanwhile, Melody played on and finished the first chorus before finishing her descent.

            Leo had underestimated the height from the railing even though the Stage Crew members had allowed for extra cable footage that they needed to hold onto.  The effect was that Melody remained suspended three feet above the ground.  She could go no further.

            Bravely, she started in on the second verse on her flute as the voices of her brother and the other singers raised their voices once again to join her.

            After the last note and the last word of the final verse was sung, everyone else was on their feet applauding the group and the dangling angel.

            Cord and Leo quickly ran over to Melody and unsnapped the cable from the harness and lowered her to the ground.  She had to sit down; her legs were shaking so badly.

             Cord and Leo turned and applauded Melody where she sat.  Soon it seemed like the whole of the food court, shoppers, diners, singers and all were standing over Melody and applauding.

            She was no longer just Cord’s sister.

            The reception for the flash mob Christmas experience that Saturday wasn’t all positive.  No one had sought permission from the Mall management to suspend someone by a cable from the second level.  In fact, Cord and the others deliberately avoided seeking permission because they didn’t want to be denied permission and they also didn’t want to tip their hand that they were planning another flash mob at the Mall for that day.

            Again, the local television station ran a news story on the flash mob with amateur video.  The report went even further to include an interview with someone from Mall management who applauded the spirit of those involved but also chastised the group for their recklessness.  Management made it clear, in the interview, that they welcomed displays of Christmas spirit but would not allow anything that would endanger the life of the participants or possibly other Mall patrons.

            A very similar reaction was received in Cord’s home after his parents saw the news segment.  He had told his parents that there would be a flash mob scene that Saturday and provided all of the details except those involving suspending Melody over the Food Court.  His Mother was the most disappointed because she had supplied the angel costume but had assumed Melody would be standing on a chair or table and not risking her life in order to entertain a bunch of shoppers.

            Cord’s parents did not dole out any punishment to their children because they were proud of their initiative but they also made it clear that they too, like Mall management, would not support further daredevil escapades.  They recommended their children just stick to singing.

            On Sunday, Cord, Melody, and Leo all met at Flora’s house.  There was still a bit of a chilled atmosphere in Cord’s home regarding the previous day’s scene at the Mall.  It was clear that Cord was given most of the blame because he was older and should have known better than to endanger his Sister’s life; even if descending by the cable had been her idea.

            “I guess that’s that,” Leo started after they all gathered in Flora’s room.  She too was avoiding her parents because adults all seemed to agree on anything that concerned other parents.  It might not have been their daughter that had been suspended high in the air but she was part of it and accepted responsibility by association.

            “Yeah, no one’s going to let us perform in the Mall now,” Melody responded.

            “That’s not what they said,” Flora corrected.  “That person from Mall management said they welcome displays of Christmas spirit but they didn’t want anyone getting hurt doing it.”

            All four were silent for a moment.  There were still two Saturdays before Christmas and each had imagined a bigger and better flash mob experience in the upcoming weeks.

            “The Mall’s out,” Cord began after the silence started to annoy him.  “Even if we had a free hand to do what we wanted, everyone would be expecting something.  Saturdays at the Mall would be a crowded house with not only last minute Christmas shoppers but those waiting around to see what we might do next.”

            “So?  It’s not like our last show wasn’t extravagant enough,” Melody said.  She was quite content to end things the way they were.  She really couldn’t imagine anything to top it and she quite enjoyed being the star of that show.  It was a good note to go out on.

            Throughout the rest of that Saturday and still on Sunday, Melody had received numerous texts from her friends congratulating and complimenting her on her performance.  The videos posted online were being viewed thousands of times from not only people she knew but from everyone across the country.  The comments that were posted were more than complimentary and total strangers had posted about her talent and ingenuity.  It was great having the spotlight shining on her for a change.

            “That’s all well and good for you,” replied Flora, “but the rest of us still want to do something.”  It might be said of Flora that she was a little jealous of the attention being focused on Melody but she also wanted to please Cord because she wouldn’t mind a little more attention from him.

            Flora, Cord, and Theo had all grown up together.  They lived within a few blocks of each other and had gone up through primary school and now into high-school.  There had never been any sort of romantic relationship between any of the boys and Flora but it couldn’t be denied that there was an attraction there.  Leo liked Flora but he knew that Flora really liked Cord.  She never said anything to him about it and certainly didn’t show any outward signs of affection but it wouldn’t take much encouragement from Cord for her to show him how she felt.  Cord, himself, was confused.  He was Flora’s friend but at times he wanted there to be more but Flora never seemed to show that she wanted anything more.  So everyone stayed on friendly terms.  Being a teenager could be a confusing time.

            “Flora’s right,” Cord said, “we need to do something more.  We can’t quit now.”  Cord also wanted a little more attention; even if he wasn’t going to get it from Flora.

            “We don’t have much time left.  It’s only a couple of weeks now until Christmas,” piped up Leo.  “If we’re not in the Mall, no one’s going to see us.  Where else can we find such a large crowd in one place?”

            “And the Saturday before Christmas wouldn’t do either,” added Melody, “because that’s the day of the Parade.  Everyone will be in the streets watching that.”

            This time it was Flora who had an exciting idea.  “Why not the parade?” she asked.  “We could have a float or something.”

            “It wouldn’t be a flash mob if we were on a float,” corrected Leo.

            “It would, if we weren’t on the float,” said Cord.

            The other three looked at him in confusion.  Both Leo and Cord were right but at least Leo’s explanation was a little clearer.

            “What if there were a float but we weren’t on it?” Cord tried to explain.

            The blank stares from his sister and his friends suggested that Cord was still not making sense.

            “Look,” Cord began, in another attempt to clarify his thoughts, “if there was a float, it could act as a distraction to everyone watching the parade but then the flash mob appears and we surround the float and do our bit.”

            The others began to listen carefully as their faces beamed with understanding.  Leo jumped up from the floor, where he had been sitting, and chimed in with a thought of his own.

            “I have a great idea for maximum exposure, too,” he excitedly blurted.

            “Hold that thought,” Cord responded.  “Before we talk about what the flash mob is going to do, we need to sort out the float part.”

            “What about a band?” Flora asked.  “Maybe, we could use the school band.  Melody, you’re in the band, what do you think?”

            “There’s at least fifty in the concert band.  That’s too many for a float.  It would be good if they were a marching band but they’re not.”  Melody was a little disappointed because she could see herself up there with the band.  It would be more exposure for her.

            “I like the band idea,” Cord said.  If he had been looking directly at Flora he might have noticed her blush a little in reaction to Cord’s recognition.

            Leo had been silent for a little bit.  He had felt a little rebuked by Cord not letting him explain right away about his maximum exposure idea.  Now, he had another idea that he was sure Cord couldn’t ignore.

            “The Pick-Up Six.”  That’s all Leo said and then he was quiet again.

            “What?” Melody and Cord exclaimed in unison.

            “The Pick-Up Six,” Leo said again.  “You told me once about your Dad’s old band.  Didn’t you say he still plays the trumpet?”

            Cord and Melody looked at Leo with a look that suggested they thought he was either crazy or a genius.  It was a good idea.

            “That’s a good idea,” Cord said with approval.  “Maybe we better hear your maximum exposure idea now.”

            Leo started in on his brilliant idea regarding maximum exposure and that’s how the final scene of the flash mob Christmas experience began to be set.

            Everything came together rather easily despite initial stumbling blocks.  The first of these was of course The Pick-Up Six.  The band hadn’t performed together in over twenty years.  Cord’s Father had kept up with his old band mates and couple of them still lived in the area but the band was only part of the glorious past of Dad’s youth.  Never underestimate, however, the longings of the middle-aged man.

            Cord had explained to his Father about the new idea for the flash mob Christmas and how everything centered on the need for a band…a good band.  This downplayed the real truth that everything actually centered on the flash mob and the band was just going to be the distraction.  Naturally, Cord didn’t tell his Father the truth of things.

            It didn’t get Dad too long to get hooked on the idea.  He once, like Melody of late, had had a taste of the limelight and was slightly jealous of the attention his children and their friends had been receiving.  The idea of reuniting the band for this Christmas experience was very tempting and it wasn’t like he was out of practice.  There were those nights when he’d set off on a lonely solo in the garage on his trumpet.  In the end, it didn’t take much to convince Dad.

            The Pick-Up Six had consisted of five other guys besides Cord’s Father.  Two of the other members lived in the area and communicated with Dad, however infrequently, via emails.  The other members also kept in touch electronically.  They had been good friends in College and the band experience had cemented a lasting relationship despite being separated by years and miles.

            Dad reached out to the other members of The Pick-Up Six and tempted them with the reunion idea.  The two locals agreed immediately and it wasn’t hard to convince the two other band members to agree to come to town for a Christmas gig.  All of the band members were aware of the flash mob Christmas experience through news stories that had been picked up and broadcast across the country or through the online videos that had started to go viral.  They too dreamt of the notoriety that their participation might bring and an ego isn’t a hard thing to stroke when the person is willing.

            The one problem was Chet.  Chet had been the piano player with The Pick-Up Six.  He had studied engineering in College and now he was off in South America working on a new project.  The Pick-Up Six was now The Pick-Up Five.

            Mom came to the rescue again.  First, she had been the initial influence to Cord’s idea for the flash mob.  Then she came through with the triangles and the angel costume.  Dad didn’t have to look too far to find a replacement.  Mom had the talent and she had a piano.  The Pick-Up Six would play again with only a slight change in personnel.

            Dad found some Dixieland Band arrangements on the Internet for a dozen Christmas songs and the traditional arrangement for the special song the flash mob would perform.  All of these, he forwarded on to the other band members.  They wouldn’t have any time to run these down together so it was agreed they meet early the morning of the Parade so there’d be at least one rehearsal.  Mom and Dad practiced a few times before that day and it was interesting to hear the duet of piano and trumpet that echoed from Cord’s home on the occasional evening.  The reunion of The Pick-Up Six was coming together.

            Cord and his friends took care of the other details.

            First they needed to make sure that The Pick-Up Six would be able to perform in the band.  Flora took care of that.  She arranged for their last minute entry and filled out the entry form with all of the details.

            Melody came up with a trailer for the float.  Her new found fame made her very popular in her own right at the school and she arranged for a favor with one of her friends who were bussed.  The friend lived on a farm and arranged for her father to donate the use of his hay wagon for a platform for the band and his services as a driver in his own pick-up truck to pull the float.  The addition of the pick-up truck was very appropriate given the name of the band that would be using his donated equipment.

            Cord, Leo, and members of the Stage Crew came up with sound equipment and amplifiers to make sure everyone could hear The Pick-Up Six.  They also came up with some old time striped straw hats to give the band more of that Dixieland flavor.  The hats had been left over from a production of The Music Man and, like the sound equipment and amplifiers, were liberated from the stock room with permission.

            The handy Stage Crew members, who had helped make Melody float in the area, also became roadies for the band.  On the morning of the parade they helped set up the sound equipment and the band instruments on the wagon.  The wagon had showed up around noon at Cord’s home to begin the preparations for the Parade.  Loading the piano was no easy feat but there were plenty of volunteers with the Stage Crew and The Pick-Up Six and they managed to get the piano out of Cord’s house, across the porch, and onto the wagon that was backed up to the front of the house.  Further touches were added through donations of an artificial Christmas tree with decorations, a generator to run the sound equipment, and some make-shift banners placed along the back and sides of the wagon advertising The Pick-Up Six and wishes for a Merry Christmas.

            The assembly of the flash mob was the easy part.  Word was spread again throughout the group that had been at the last experience at the Mall and through texts and social media.  They were all informed about the song choice and details regarding time and particular location for the performance.

            The timing and the location had been Leo’s master stroke.  He had indeed considered the route of the Parade and the one place where they would receive maximum exposure.

            Every year, the local television station taped and broadcast the Parade, from a temporary platform erected near City Hall.  This was near the end of the Parade route but the area swelled with on-lookers as many Parade goers hoped to be able to have themselves seen on television by friends and family.  The area was usually overcrowded by hundreds of parents and children and the temporary bleachers that were erected in that location were always full.

            Leo knew that a flash mob experience at this precise location would get a maximum viewing by the hundreds not only in the crowd but the thousands more who would see the Parade on television.  It was sure to be better than anything the Mall could offer up.

            The local television station had already done two news stories of the flash mob and conveniently sent a news crew to the Mall on the Saturday before the Parade.  Unfortunately there was no news story there because the flash mob had skipped the Mall as all preparations were being made for the ultimate performance during the Parade.     There had also been a good sized crowd at the Mall that day who had anticipated another flash mob but when nothing happened, the crowd continued with their shopping and left the Mall a little disappointed.  By the day of the Parade, most people in the City had given up on there ever being another flash mob Christmas experience.

            The day of the Parade was cold and gray.  By noon, a light snowfall had begun.  By the start of the parade at two o’clock, the ground had a nice white covering that added to everyone’s enjoyment of the Parade.

            There were numerous floats from different merchants, Churches, Schools, charitable groups, and Insurance companies.  There always seemed to be more representation from Insurance companies than any other establishment.  These always wished everyone a festive yuletide season but also wanted everyone to know they were there with full coverage option for everyone’s insurance needs.

            Spaced between all of the floats were the requisite number of marching bands, baton twirlers, horses, dogs, and clowns.  Candies were thrown to every direction from the floats and the walkers.  Other volunteers waved and marched as they carried shovels or pails to clean up after all of the animal acts.

            The Pick-Up Six was near the end of the parade about eight floats ahead of Santa Claus.  They were the last of the musical floats because the Parade organizers wanted to ensure that the strains of any loud music had died out before Santa came into view.  Nothing was to upstage Santa or drown out his cries of “Ho, Ho, Ho,” or “Merry Christmas.”

            There had been one added touch added to The Pick-Up Six float.  Hay bales had been added and some of the flash mob had been invited to ride on the float and make it look like a little audience for the Dixieland band.  Flora and Melody were among the dozen or so students who waved merrily from the float and pretended like nothing else was going to happen.

            The Pick-Up Six performed fairly well for a band that had only been recently reunited.  The sound coming from the amplifiers was loud and clear and there were only a few clinkers on the songs that had been quickly rehearsed.  Throughout the Parade the band had exhausted their dozen Christmas arrangements and began to repeat the songs for those watching during the latter half of the route.

            When the float bearing The Pick-Up Six reached the point where the television cameras were focused on them, Dad leaned into his microphone and announced a new song selection.

            “Now, we’d like to play for you, something we know you’re going to enjoy, ‘We Need A Little Christmas’.”

            The selection of this song had been a joint effort between Cord and his Father.  Cord wanted a song that was upbeat and that would add to the flash mob Christmas experience.  Dad wanted to make sure it was something The Pick-Up Six could perform.  The song also had a short instrumental introduction before the verse began.

            When the musical introduction began, the pick-up truck pulling the float came to a stop and Flora, Melody, and some others on the float went into action.  Strings were pulled above the make-shift banners that had advertised The Pick-Up Six, and new banners unfurled to reveal a new message.  From both sides and the rear, large print now bore the words FLASH MOB CHRISTMAS.

            When the banners straightened out and the words could be read, a loud cheer went up from the crowd gathered in the streets and in the bleachers.  A swarm of people, the flash mob members, came out of everywhere and surrounded the float.  The singing began on cue as the musical introduction concluded.

            The flash mob membership had grown.  Where there had been more than thirty triangle playing teenagers during the last Mall experience, there were now more than one hundred.

            The Pick-Up Six played like they had never played before.  They knew that most of the cheering and applause was for the flash mob but they were caught up in it all.

            The cheering and the applause could not drown out the voices of the flash mob or the music of The Pick-Up Six.  It was the most fantastic Christmas experience anyone had ever experienced.  Poor Santa, waiting eight floats back, would pale by comparison.  Santa would have to settle for the faces of the little children; which for any Santa, should have been enough.

            The song and the flash mob experience seemed to go on forever despite it really being only a few minutes in length.  After the song was over, the applause and the cheers was so loud that people who were further behind or ahead on the Parade route were wondering what it was they had missed or what was in  store for them when the Parade moved on to their location.

            The volunteer driver of the pick-up truck pulling the float waited patiently until the song ended, the cheering and applause subsided, and the members of the flash mob, who were not already on the float, disappeared into the crowds of people along the street.  He then put the truck in gear and slowly began to pull the float forward.

            After the flash mob had dispersed, some of the members of the mob still on the float from before, began to jump down and follow their friends.  Flora had been one of these and she prepared to get off the float just as the volunteer driver started up again and the float started forwarded with a jerk.

            Flora lost her footing and awkwardly tumbled off the back of the float and fell to the pavement below.  She had tried to balance herself but she hit the ground hard and her head struck against the snow covered street, rendering her unconscious.

            The aftermath of the flash mob appearance during the parade was hectic.  The initial excitement of the musical experience quickly turned to shock and concern upon Flora’s accident.

            Melody was the first at Flora’s side.  Melody had just descended from the wagon prior to Flora’s tumble and had turned in time to see the girl strike hard against the pavement.  She was to have joined Flora in following the other flash mob members who had just left the scene where they would meet up at an appointed location.

            Mom was next to respond when she heard cries from her daughter and other onlookers.    Mom, being a teacher, had training in first-aid and knew just what to do.  She had yelled for the volunteer driver in the pick-up truck to stop and then jumped down to administer to Flora.  Blankets that had been covering some of the hay bales were handed down and were laid over the girl and around her.  Mom knew that with a head injury, Flora should not be moved until an ambulance arrived.

            Melody called 911 and let them know about the accident.  Dad, sensing a changing mood in the crowd, urged the other members of The Pick-Up Six to play on and try to keep the crowd calm.

            Within thirty minutes of Flora’s accident, the scene was cleared, the girl transported to the hospital, and the Parade continued on.  Mom and Melody rode in the ambulance with Flora.

            The Pick-Up Six minus one continued on with the remainder of the Parade.  Those watching the Parade behind and forward on the route wondered about the delay but rumors had carried along the route that someone had been injured.  Nonetheless, Santa made his appearance and the children rejoiced; most unaware of the accident that followed the flash mob Christmas experience.

            Meanwhile, Cord, Leo, and most of the other flash mob were also unaware that Flora had been injured.  The arrangement was that they were to quickly leave the scene and meet up at Pizza Pizzazz; one of the few pizza establishments in the city that wasn’t named after some mysterious male owner.

            Pizza Pizzazz wasn’t very far from the scene of the Parade flash mob and most were there in no time.  Cord and Leo were so excited about their recent experience that neither paid much attention to the fact that neither Melody nor Flora was among the crowd at the pizza parlor.  When Cord finally clued in to the absence of his sister and his friend, his phone rang with an explanation.  It was Melody calling from the Hospital and detailing what happened.

            Cord had to tell Leo and the others about Flora’s accident.  They all agreed that a celebration at Pizza Pizzazz would be inappropriate given the circumstances and most joined Cord and Leo as they left to attend with the others at the Hospital.

            Flora’s parents had been watching the Parade on television.  Their daughter had hinted that something would happen during the Parade and that they should watch.  Like the Parade goers, they were quite surprised by the flash mob performance.  They also watched in horror as they saw someone fall from the back of the float.  They could not tell from the broadcast who had fallen nor could they see what had happened at the rear of the float as a crowd surged around the fallen girl.  It wasn’t until Cord and Melody’s Mother called them en route to the Hospital that they learned that the injured girl was their daughter.

            The scene at the hospital was chaotic.  The waiting room overflowed with many members of the flash mob including Cord, Leo, and Melody.  Mom was there as well and spoke briefly to Flora’s parents when they arrived and before they were whisked off by a nurse to be with their daughter.  Dad had not yet arrived as he had to finish the Parade route and meet up with the Stage Crew members who had arranged to help unload the wagon and return the piano to its rightful place in the dining room of Cord’s home.  The other members of The Pick-Up Six left with little word but asked to be kept informed about Flora.  Dad then piled into his car with the members of the Stage Crew and then sped off to the hospital to be with the rest of his family and the large crowd already in attendance.

            Eventually, after waiting a couple of hours, the group at the hospital thinned out with encouragement from hospital staff and the news that Flora would be alright.  She had awoken within an hour of arriving at the hospital.  She had a large goose-egg on her right temple and one doozy of a headache.  The attending Doctor was concerned about a possible concussion and she was kept for two days for observation.  Her parents took turns remaining at her side and a few visitors were allowed to see her during her stay in the hospital.  She was released the day before Christmas with orders to rest.

            Leo and Melody both visited with Flora a couple of times in the Hospital.  Cord did not.  Although he had initially attended at the Hospital immediately following her accident, he could not bring himself to see her lying in a bed there.  He blamed himself for what happened to her.  The flash mob Christmas experience had started with him and it had gone too far.  It was fine when it was just the four of them standing and singing at the Mall but then he had pushed for a bigger experience.  He had put his Sister at risk during the second performance and hadn’t accepted responsibility for it and now Flora had been hurt.  It was now coming to bear that he was responsible for all of this.

            Cord had slipped out of the Hospital early with some of the other flash mob members.  He didn’t talk to anyone.  He did not return any of their texts.

            Melody and Leo tried to talk to Cord over those two days while Flora remained in the hospital.  There was no consoling him.  Even Mom and Dad could find nothing to say to raise his spirits.

            Of course, no one blamed Cord for what happened.  It was an unforeseen accident and even the performance of the flash mob during the Parade received great reviews.  The videos online and postings all over the Internet spoke about the performance and applauded the flash mob for their ingenuity.  Cord, however, could not accept any credit for this.  He was so consumed by what had happened to Flora.

            There had been great television coverage of the Parade but the lead story that night had been Flora’s accident.  There had been an update later in the news that Flora was fine and resting comfortably at the Hospital.  There had also been a brief segment devoted to the flash mob performance and the reporter also praised this holiday happening.

            Cord kept to himself.  He wasn’t sure what to do.  He knew that Flora had been hurt but he also realized that not seeing her was also hurting her.  Some of the messages of his family had started to get through to him.

            Late in the afternoon on Christmas Eve, he convinced himself to go see Flora at her house.  It was one of the few times he left his room over the past few days.

            While Cord had been brooding in isolation, however, other events had been transpiring. Mom and Dad were concerned about Cord and knew something needed to be done.  So they set into play something to help their son.

            By the time Cord had set his mind to finally going to see Flora at her house on Christmas Eve, everything was ready.

            “Where are you going, son?” Dad questioned Cord when he emerged from his room with his coat in his hand.

            “I’m going to go see Flora,” Cord responded.  “I’ve given it a lot of thought and it’s what I have to do.  I just hope I know what to say to her.”

            “Look Cord, stop kicking yourself.  We’ve all told you that this wasn’t your fault.  You started to do a good thing and you have.  You brought a great Christmas experience to many people.”

            “Yeah, but Flora got hurt!” Cord snapped.

            “Yes, and Flora got hurt,” Dad repeated back softly to him.  “No one blames you for that.  Even Flora has said she doesn’t blame you.  You’re the only one pointing the finger at yourself.”

            Cord put his head down.  His Dad was right but it didn’t make him feel better about anything.  These past two days, he’d thought long and hard and his feelings for Flora were foremost in his mind.  How would she feel now after all of this?  He felt responsible for her injury and he had made it worse by not going to see her before this.

            “Look, I’ll give you a ride over to Flora’s,” Dad said.

            “No, Dad, I’d rather walk,” Cord replied.

            “It’s starting to snow out there,” Dad observed.  “Besides, I need you to give me a hand with something.  I have to pick up a last minute Christmas present at the Mall and I’ll need your help.”

            Cord had forgotten about Christmas.  Despite setting out to bring a great Christmas experience to everyone else, he wasn’t much in the mood for Christmas himself.

            “It won’t take long,” Dad quickly added.  He knew he was starting to lose his son’s attention.  “And, I really need you on this one.”

            “Okay,” Cord reluctantly agreed.

            Cord and Dad climbed into the car with no words passing between them.  Cord was still trying to figure out what he was going to say to Flora.

            When they approached the Mall, Cord could see that the parking lot was jammed with cars.  Everyone had obviously gone back to their commercialism and was doing their last minute Christmas shopping.  Maybe the flash mob Christmas experience hadn’t accomplished anything, Cord thought.

            As Dad turned the car into the parking lot, Cord spotted a huge crowd gathered in one location.  Dad was steering the car in that direction.

            “What’s going on?” Cord asked.

            “I don’t know, Dad replied innocently.  “Let’s go check it out.”

            Saying that he didn’t know what was happening was a huge understatement for Dad; if not an outright lie.  Dad, with Mom and Melody’s help had arranged all of this.  Concerned with Cord’s state of mind, the three had devised their own Christmas experience.

            Mom had contacted Flora’s parents and made the initial plans.  They were a key part of what was planned.

            Melody had spread the word through Leo and insisted everything be kept from Cord.  They needn’t have worried about Cord finding out because he hadn’t been talking to anyone.  He had even pocketed his cell phone and stopped checking his texts.

            Dad had reached out to the television station and had arranged for a special message to go out over the noon news the day before Christmas.  A reporter was even dispatched to the Mall that afternoon to cover the event.

            All of this had happened in the days and hours before Dad and Cord arrived at the Mall.  By the time of their arrival, there were hundreds in attendance.

            As Dad and Cord approached the gathered crowd, the assembled people parted to allow the Father and Son to enter further in.

            When the throng parted in two, Cord spotted his Mother and Melody beside the wagon that had been used in the Parade.  There were no hay bales but it had been decked out with a Christmas tree again and numerous decorations.  Seated on the edge of the wagon was Flora.  She smiled at seeing Cord and tears formed on her cheeks.

            Suddenly there was music.  At first, it began with a clarinet and trombone.  It was the two other local members of The Pick-Up Six.  A flute and trumpet soon chimed in as Dad and Melody retrieved their instruments that had lay upon the wagon where they had been stashed ahead of time.  Singing also followed as the entire mob began to sing ‘Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas’.  It was another flash mob Christmas experience.

            Flora was lowered from the wagon and she embraced Cord as he approached.  Neither of them needed to say a word to each other.  Everything was explained in the embrace.

            The singing continued and more songs were sung.  Leo retrieved two guitars from hiding and handed Cord’s to him.  Both began on ‘We Wish You A Merry Christmas’.  This was how it all started.

            The news coverage of the event carried an abbreviated version of this Christmas experience.

            “And if you think this is all a little too thick in sentiment,” the reporter started to sum up, “or syrupy or corny then you’d be right.  But isn’t that what a good Christmas Special is supposed to be all about?  And this has been one special Christmas,” the reporter concluded.

            Indeed, it was thick, and syrupy and corny and everything the reporter said it was.  It was also the best Christmas experience anyone gathered had ever had.

            And that’s how it started and ended with a boy named Cord.

 

 


WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?

Monday, December 24th, 2012

     If you are reading this post then it means a couple of things.  Santa ScottFirst, the world did not end.  In fact, today is December 23rd so the Mayans must have been wrong or maybe their math was.  What do they know?  Didn’t their people basically die off?  If you can’t avoid that fate then why would I put stock in anything you have to say or predict.  Second, if you are reading this, then you’ve clicked past the Google warnings that this site will give you malware or herpes or something nasty or Google has removed that warning and you arrived here safely without being redirected elsewhere to an offer of online porn, Viagra, or something else you may or may not want.  I won’t judge.

     Remember my last blahg and how I asked for World Peace as my number one Christmas present request?  Maybe I should have requested that sooner than Christmas.  It seems the world has become a little less peaceful given the recent killings in Newtown, Connecticut.  We still don’t know the reasons behind the killings but it makes the world a sadder place.  Our thoughts are with everyone there; especially the family who have to try and carry on.  More has been said in the media than I care to say here.  I will only add that I too agree that guns are a bad thing and the NRA can rub salt.  Yes, people kill people but they do it with guns.  It’s a lot easier to disarm a maniac with a knife than one with repeating rifles.  Enough said.

     The other part of this blahg is partly dedicated to the idiot who hacked my website and inserted malicious code.  That’s the real reason why Google is warning people away from my website.  It isn’t because of anything I said or did.  I found the code that was redirecting people to those questionable websites and I removed it.  I’ve requested a review from Google to remove me from their quarantine and I hope that will happen before the end of 2012.  Why would someone do that to me?  Get out of your parents’ basement and find a girlfriend or boyfriend or do community hours.  Get back into the world and try and make it a better place rather than trying to tear it down website by website.  That’s enough on that too. 

     So what can we do to make this world a better place?  Speak out!  Everyone has an opinion and a voice and it’s your duty to speak out against injustice and stupidity.  Many voices raised in song have done better to heal than those who sit at the back of the room and just mouth the lyrics.  Recently, a Minister in my area spoke in favour of Wind Farm development.  His message was boiled downed very simply to a point that we are ruining the world by our reliance on fossil fuels.  We can’t go on this way.  Yes, there are some problems associated with windmills but wouldn’t it be better to work to make them better than to issue a hue and cry against them as evil and keep polluting the skies with old technology?  Unfortunately, the anti-wind people spoke out against this Minister and told him to stick to spirituality rather than environmental issues.  The last time I checked, we are all free to be.  Free to be whatever we wanted, believe what we wanted, worship how we wanted, love how we wanted.  You get the message.  I think that Minister is right.  We don’t want our legacy to be that we ruined the planet because we were unwilling to move past the old “not it my backyard.”  Look at your loved ones, your relatives, your friends, and tell me you wouldn’t want more time with them if it meant giving up your stubborn opinions.  I think we all know the answer to that.  Let’s move on. 

     I don’t want this blahg to be all that sombre.  There are some good things in this world.  There is love and family and laughter and we need to embrace it during these troubling times.  I don’t want to be preachy but sometimes we forget to think of all we are blessed with.  As I read the letters to the editor responses to the Minister’s energy thoughts, my eye was also drawn to another editorial that was reprinted from a long time ago.  The message is simple and in light of Sandy Hook, I want to reprint it here:

 

“DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
“Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
“Papa says, ‘If you see it in THE SUN it’s so.’
“Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

“VIRGINIA O’HANLON.

 

“115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET.”

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

 

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

     Maybe it’s me but that Editorial is true for many things wrong with our world.  We’ve lost that wide-eyed wonder about many things and we’ve grown cynical.  It’s no longer neighbour looking out for neighbour but neighbour spying on neighbour.  Maybe some of that’s necessary.  Maybe if we checked in with neighbour a little more to see how they are doing or what they need then we’d avoid all the tragedies.  Again, maybe it’s just me but that’s what I believe. 

     Now for that laughter we all need.  I think I have mentioned before that I once co-wrote and co-starred in a radio sketch comedy show called “Dead From The Neck Up.”  The title comes from Archie Bunker and “All In The Family” when he would call his son-in-law a meat-head.  He would explain that a meat-head is someone that is dead from the neck up.  Maybe that’s not all politically correct and maybe some of our sketches weren’t either.  I recently went through some of our show’s Christmas specials (we only had three) and thought I would post them here complete.  Maybe they haven’t held up as well over the years but maybe you’ll find something to laugh at in them nonetheless. 

     The first up is the Christmas show we did from the first season: 


I didn’t say we sang well.  Next up is the third season Christmas Special: 

     

I know, some of you are probably wondering what happened to the second season Christmas special.  I don’t know.  I can’t find it.  I did however, find two sketches from that season.  The first is from Stan The Welcome Mat Man: 


The second is from Stan’s sidekick Teddy The Topless Dance: 


Well, I guess that tells you how twisted or how even more twisted I can be.  That’s it for 2012!  I’ll be even more politically incorrect and say Happy Holidays.  Celebrate what you celebrate but may peace and love be with us all!

MY 2012 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

Monday, November 26th, 2012

     Today is November 25th and that means we start the 30 day slide into Christmas.  Santa ScottI love Christmas time.  It’s a great time full of music and great viewing opportunities.  I know I could go over the top listing everything but I’m going to try and stay on point and keep to the topic of this blahg.  I’m going to share with you what is on my Christmas Wish List for 2012. 

     Yesterday, my daughter Abbie and I put up our Christmas lights.  A Right View of My Christmas LightsIt was bitter cold and we had to stop a few times and come in and get warm.  Isn’t it amazing that every year you can’t remember the arrangement you had the previous year?  A Left View of My Christmas LightsWe had a few lights blown out but nothing major and a quick trip to town secured the replacement bulbs.  I’ve taken a few pictures of the light display.  Christmas Lights At The Front of My HouseThere’s a right view and left view.  Pick the appropriate view whether you are right brained or left.  And just to be confusing, I’ve added a shot of the front of our house with the lit bushes on either side of the door and the shooting star up above.  Click on any of the pictures to view a larger version.  So much for my Christmas lights.  They look better at night and maybe I’ll update those pictures with night pictures but with the light dusting of snow that we received over night, I thought these pictures would set the mood for this blahg.  (Writing this later this evening, I’ve added the night pictures below.  Click any of them to see a larger version)

 Another Night View of the Christmas Lights Another Night View of the Christmas LightsA Night View of the Front Christmas Lights

     What is on my Christmas Wish List?  Top of the list:  WORLD PEACE.  There used to be this little joke/tradition in my house when it came to Christmas or Birthdays.  I would ask my children what they wanted for Christmas or their Birthday.  WORLD PEACE - WHAT WE SHOULD ALL ASK FORIf their first answer was not World Peace then I would mockingly scold them and tell them that maybe they were only going to get one thing and they blew it by not asking for World Peace as their first choice.  It’s the perfect gift and there’s no batteries required.  I completely forgot about that tradition and a few years ago, I asked Abbie, whose Birthday is December 16th, what she wanted for her Birthday.  She answered right away:  World Peace.  You could have knocked me over with a feather.  I had forgotten and Abbie had not.  There’s hope for this new generation yet!  Seriously, Middle East, what is your problem?  If a child here in Canada can embrace the concept then what’s stopping you?  Add to my wish list that the current Ceasefire will work its way into a lasting Peace and spread across the globe. 

     I don’t have a very long wish list for Christmas and after WORLD PEACE everything else pales in comparison.  Maybe it’s safer to ask for other things because that top item on my list is hard to acquire and not likely to fit in my stocking.  If I can’t have WORLD PEACE then maybe I’ll be a little selfish and ask for Jean Arthur.  The Jean Arthur Drama CollectionI know she’s dead, and thanks for pointing that out, but I simply think she was one of the greatest actresses ever.  I recently purchased the Jean Arthur Drama Collection that was released in May of this year.  This is a follow-up to the Jean Arthur Comedy Collection that TCM (Turner Classic Movies) released last year.  It’s a great set and fills in the gap of her film output on DVD with some early 30s dramas.  I guess my wish list then, to be more specific, would be to have a couple of her very popular films finally released on DVD.  Specifically, “History Is Made At Night” (1937) & “The Devil And Miss Jones” (1941).   Directed By Billy Wilder DVD ReleaseWith the recent release of “Directed by Billy Wilder – TCM Vault Collection”, we have been treated to a DVD release of “A Foreign Affair” (1948).  That last TCM release also included Wilder’s “Five Graves To Cairo” which is a great previously unreleased film; even if it doesn’t star Jean Arthur. 

     So why ask for Jean Arthur?  Well, I can’t have WORLD PEACE so why not ask for something just as impossible?  I’ve been on this Jean Arthur kick this past year with these DVD releases.  I have all of the other DVD releases of Jean Arthur films so these new acquisitions have been welcome additions to my collection.  Jean Arthur, A BiofilmographyThere are no other Jean Arthur releases on the horizon so for my Christmas list I’ve asked for a book about Jean Arthur.  There are a couple books out there about Jean Arthur and this year saw the release of the second one:  “Jean Arthur: A Biofilmography”.  I know, that’s a new word to me too.  I wasn’t even aware that this book had been released.  Jean Arthur: The Actress Nobody KnewIt certainly wasn’t on my radar but when I went to show my wife the book about Jean Arthur that I wanted, this one popped up.  It wasn’t the one I knew about and it’s not currently on my wish list.  I had previously read about “Jean Arthur:  The Actress Nobody Knew”.  The title sounds interesting and if I do get it for Christmas (Hint Hint) then I’ll read it and maybe post a review here. 

     Another great actress that I really enjoy is Judy Holliday.  Holliday is not necessarily on my Holiday wish list.  I just really like her work and she only really had eight starring features from 1949 to 1960.  She was a great comedienne  and could sing to boot.  She died too young at the age of 43 in 1965 of Cancer.  Her volume of work has been highly represented on DVD with the exception of 1956’s “Full of Life”.  That will all change next month when Sony will release the DVD on December 4th.  I’m not necessarily asking for this release because it is a Sony Manufacture on Demand DVD and I can’t get it in Canada unless I find an online source that will ship to Canada.  Perhaps TCM, but their shipping to Canada is outrageous.  Hey TCM, why is your shipping costs to Canada so outrageous?  Oh yeah, I asked them that and they sent some generic response that didn’t really answer my question. 

     Moving on.  The Weepies.  The Weepies?  Yes, The Weepies.  In a previous blahg, “Advice For The Next 50:  Think For Yourself”, I mentioned a great singer by the name of Deb Talan that I’ve been enjoying.  The Weepies, Deb Talan, along with her husband Steve Tannen, are members of the band The Weepies.  There may be others in the band but Steve and Deb are the front of the band.  In 2011 they released a new CD called “Be My Thrill”, which is what I’m adding to my wish list.  It’s an amazing CD and the title track is one of my favorites.  Give it a listen: 


This is a very upbeat tune but there’s a few Youtube videos of The Weepies performing this more as a ballad.  Here’s one of them performed at the Oregon Zoo in 2011: 

If that’s not enough, there’s a great acoustic version of this done by a couple of Youtube amateurs who I happen to think do a super job themselves: 

     Moving even more on but still on a musical note, I want to add another DVD to the list of things I’d like to own.  Peter, Paul and Mary-The Holiday ConcertBack in 1988, Peter, Paul and Mary gave a holiday concert in New York and it was aired later as a PBS special.  I managed to tape it from PBS years ago and I’ll tell you that I practically wore out the tape watching it every year; fast-forwarding through the PBS pledge breaks.  Last year, Shout Factory did the world a favor and released the concert on DVD.  They perform some great songs during this concert and at points there isn’t a dry eye in the house.  A great group from the 1960s who came at a time when the world was looking for peace.  How strange it is that we’re still looking for that peace today; or wishing for it.  I’ll keep wishing for it as my first wish and maybe I’ll be surprised with getting it one day…hopefully sooner than later. 

     I’ll close with that wish for peace and a video from that Peter, Paul, and Mary Concert that sums it all up:  “Light One Candle”.