The False Ducks Blahg

      Well, it’s the day before Christmas and, as usual, I’m cutting it close to finish this Christmas blahg.Today is December 24th, 2020 and I haven’t written a new blahg since my last one, TRACING LINDA KEENE, PART 3: ONE MORE FOR THE ROAD, way back in September.  Frankly, that blahg series tired me out and I’ve had other things to keep me busy.  Living in the time of a world wide pandemic, Covid 19, hasn’t helped and it’s part of the theme of this blahg.  Christmas is a little different this year and we’ll have to make the most of it; any way we can. 

   Last year’s Christmas blahg, MEATS AND CHEESES AND BABY JESUS, detailed how I had to change some of the plans I normally have for this time of year.  I had to miss the live Nativity in Bloomfield last year and had to find a new place to cut down our real Christmas Tree.  This year, we’ve had to adapt to doing things differently. Emmanuel Baptist Church in Bloomfield, Ontario still had their Nativity this year but it was a drive-through experience.  We waited an hour to drive by all of the stations from the announcement from the angel to Mary about her impending birth, through Joseph’s visit from the angel, to the shepherds, on to the magi, and onward to Bethlehem.  There were ten stations in all and at the beginning we were give a CD with 10 tracks to play; one at each station.  We were also given a bag of cookies and either hot chocolate or hot cider.  I’m glad I didn’t have to miss it and that Emmanuel Baptist found a way to make this season a little bit more enjoyable with us all keeping our social distance. 

   The hunt for this year’s Christmas tree was also very different.  Carol’s Christmas Tree Farm in Napanee, where we cut our tree last year, was closed this season due to the pandemic.  That left me no other options than to pursue a tree at a local nursery.  My daughter Abbie came home from University on December 9th and I waited until she was home before turning to the tree issue.  My wife had suggested Lockyer’s Country Gardens in Picton.  I remember years ago, probably close to 20 years ago, I bought one there and paid $30 back then which I thought was pricey.  Still, my options were limited so Abbie and I set out on Friday, December 11th and headed to Lockyer’s.  We were surprised when we saw no trees outside and even more surprised when we found no trees inside.  I asked a young guy who worked there where they kept their Christmas trees.  He didn’t laugh but he apologized and said they were all sold out.  He also said the local firemen who sold trees by the fire-hall were also sold out.  I asked where we might find one in the County, being Prince Edward County where I live and where Picton is relatively in the center.  He said he didn’t believe I could find one in the County but there might be a tree farm north of Belleville.  I doubted any tree farm would be open during this pandemic and I certainly didn’t want to drive the hour it would take to find the farm he was suggesting. 

   Abbie and I were a little disappointed but were still determined.  Lockyer’s was on the outskirts of Picton so we drove into Picton proper to scout around.  The first place we passed was the Metro grocery store and there were about 10 trees stacked against the front door of various sizes.  The price at Metro was $45.  There were a couple that were over six feet and we thought they might be suitable.  We decided to drive around to the other grocery store and by the fire-hall in case the fellow at Lockyer’s had been wrong about the firemen.  There were no other trees to be found in Picton.  Driving in from Lockyer’s we had passed the No Frills grocery store and Canadian Tire but we could see from the road that they had no trees for sale.  As we drove into Picton, we saw some nice ones growing on people’s lawns that looked suitable but I didn’t have an axe nor the inclination to ruin the Christmas of someone else.  We settled on a purchase from Metro.  When we drove back to the store, we saw someone carting off one of the trees.  Luckily, it was not one of the larger ones. 

   We were able to easily fit the tree inside our Hyundai Sana Fe with the back seats folded down.  Carrying in the tree and setting it up was a breeze.  It was only after we had it seated in the stand when I cut the twine that was bound around the tree.  The tree did not unfold.  It probably had been tied so long that it was going to hold its bound shape unless I did something.  I searched the Internet about “how to relax a Christmas tree.”  I thought about getting it drunk to see if it would relax but someone else suggested “just stick your arms in and push down on the branches. Go around the tree doing that and it should open up.”  I still thought that getting it drunk would lessen the tree’s inhibitions.  After all, it was more uptight that depressed.  I did, however, like one person’s suggestion about trying to make the tree depressed.  “If you tell the tree that it’s a very bad tree and it’s mother was a balsam fir so it will never amount to anything the tree will become depressed and it’s limbs will sag.”  I opted for the method of massaging the tree.  Someone also suggested adding ginger-ale to the tree’s water because their tree seemed to like it.  Back to getting the tree drunk again but I don’t drink so the tree just had the ginger-ale water mix.  Eventually after the massage and a night sitting in the ginger-ale solution, the tree looked much better.  I think the image below speaks for itself: 

Here are some pictures of some of our other decorations both outside and inside (click on the pictures for a larger image): 

   To add to your Christmas delight I’m going to post here something very special.  I have mentioned before that from 1993 to 1995 my friend Stephen Dafoe and I, along with our producer and good friend Bryan Dawkins, had a radio show in the Belleville area called “Dead From The Neck Up.”  The last show that aired was a Christmas show in 1995. You can check out the 1993, 1994, and 1995 Christmas specials here at http://www.falseducks.com/dead/readdead.html.  We were all getting too busy back in 1995 and our lives took different directions. Stephen ended up moving to Alberta in the early 2000s and I wouldn’t reconnect with him until about five years ago. Bryan and I have remained in the Belleville region and keep in touch.  So, I’ve been listening to some of our old shows to keep myself amused during this pandemic. A few weeks back I realized that it’s been exactly 25 years since our last show and I got to toying with the idea of a 25th anniversary reunion show. So, I emailed Stephen and he thought it would be fun. I wrote all of the sketches, had him record his parts and emailed them to me and then I contacted Bryan over the Internet and recorded his vocals over Facetime on my Ipad. The result is The Dead From The Neck Up 25th Anniversary Covid 19 Quarantine Special.  Of course it’s a Christmas show and I just thought I would share this as it’s amazing with today’s technology what we were able to accomplish and now the Dead From The Neck Up cast is in their late 50s with a good laugh for this holiday season. 

I also created Youtube video with some old images of Dafoe, Dawkins, and myself along with some of my Christmas light display. 

   One thing I should add is a sad note.  My daughter Emily and her husband Charlie were set to come down for Christmas but because Charlie is battling a lingering cough, which is not Covid 19 related, they decided to stay in Toronto and not take any chances.  This is the first time that Emily has not been home for Christmas.  She is thirty now and we’ll just have to do a video chat.  We picked up my son yesterday to have him home with Abbie and his mother and I and we went over to Emily and Charlie’s and met them in the parking lot of their building, socially distanced, and dropped off their gifts.  They’ll still have to wait until Christmas morning to open them virtually with the rest of us.  That’s how we’re making Christmas work for us. 

   It’s different times and we all have to roll with the punches.  Christmas will come again next year and we’ll have a vaccine and hopefully we’ll gather again.  Stay safe, stay home and hug those you can.  Send virtual hugs to those you can’t and remember to listen to the “The Dead From The Neck Up 25th Anniversary Covid 19 Quarantine Christmas Special”. 

Merry Christmas, and I’ll catch you back here in the New Year!

 

 

Tags: Christmas, Covid 19, Dead From The Neck Up, False Ducks, Quarantine, Scott Henderson

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