The False Ducks Blahg

      I am a huge Jerry Lewis fan.  This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate.   With a nod to Charles Dickens, from whom I stole that line, I will relate to you something wonderful that happened to me a week ago. 

     First, let me back up 30 years.  I graduated from Quinte Secondary School in Belleville, Ontario, Canada in June of 1982.  Nothing about that is really significant but in my High-school yearbook, next to my photo, was printed the caption “most likely to shine Bob Hope’s shoes”.  It was published at the suggestion of my friend Bryan who wanted to see something unique listed next to my mug shot.  I guess, ‘most likely to succeed’ or ‘most likely to sire 100 children’ was already taken. 

     Let me tell you that a legacy to shine a celebrity’s shoes are tough shoes to fill.  Sorry, I couldn’t resist.  After all, Quinte Secondary School and I were about as far removed from Bob Hope as you can get.  The truth is, I never got within 100 feet, kilometers, or miles of Bob Hope within his lifetime and mine.  Bob Hope’s lifetime spanned 100 years and he passed away in 2003.  The closest I ever got to him was seeing Dave Thomas, of SCTV & Bob & Doug McKenzie fame, at a fan convention in Toronto three years ago.  Dave Thomas does the world’s greatest Bob Hope imitation.  I actually saw a video interview with Bob Hope and Dave Thomas several years ago where Bob Hope stated that Dave Thomas was the only one who could do a proper imitation of Hope.  A further accolade to Thomas is that he was chosen to do a Bob Hope voice over for the Academy Awards a couple years ago when they did a tribute to Bob Hope.  When I met Thomas at the convention, he was signing autographs but not interacting with fans. 
My son and I stood in line for his autograph and when we got to his table, I told my son, loudly enough for Thomas to hear, that this man was the greatest Bob Hope imitator.  Thomas looked up a little surprised then said in his best Bob Hope voice “that’s what the man said.”  You can see Noah and I in the photo to the left with Dave Thomas at the very moment I pointed my finger and gave Thomas credit for his Hope imitation.   My son and I were very pleased.  No one else had received any reaction from Thomas. 

     I never shined Bob Hope’s shoes.  I don’t know why Bryan set me up like that.  I was, after all, a bigger Jerry Lewis fan although I have several DVDs of Bob Hope movies and several books by or about Bob Hope.  My dedication to Jerry Lewis is probably a little deeper.  After Hope passed away, I remember telling Bryan that I would probably have to set my sights on Jerry’s shoes.  My fascination with Jerry Lewis has been constant for many years.  There are many people who don’t get his type of comedy and don’t see the appeal.  They often point to one thing or another about his personal life that they insist should tarnish the image of the man.  I don’t really care about all of that.  Jerry Lewis, for me,  is that image in his films or television appearances. 

     I’ve read three books about Jerry.  The first was by Richard Gehman, entitled “That Kid:  The Story of Jerry Lewis”.  It’s an interesting read but only significant up to its publication date of 1964.  It focuses greatly on some touring he did to promote the release of “The Nutty Professor” and more so on preparation for his ill-fated 1960s talk/variety show. 

     The second book, “King of Comedy, The Life and Art of Jerry Lewis”, by Shawn Levy in 1997 was a great read.  Here was a well researched book that even included excerpts from interviews with Jerry.  It’s not meant to be a hatchet job or a fawning opus.  There’s dirt and there’s flowers throughout the book and it really delves into who Jerry Lewis is and how he developed into the person he has become.  I highly recommend it. 

     Jerry’s own book “Dean & Me (A Love Story)” is exactly what the title says it is:  it’s a love story about the relationship between Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin.  Maybe it’s a little one sided because Dean Martin died in 1995; more than ten years before the publication of this book in 2006.  Somehow, though, Jerry doesn’t meander on or give us treacle.  The book is heartfelt and it’s an insight into a great relationship from the viewpoint of one of the partners.  Maybe it’s colored or jaded or whatever but Jerry does a great job and, if nothing else, it lets us in on the secrets and the success and the problems with Martin & Lewis. 

     So, I approach Jerry Lewis with bias.  I have read two great books and one good one.  I’ve also seen almost all of his films.  As a DVD collector, 2012 has been a great year so far with the release of several great Jerry Lewis films.  The first three months alone, saw the release of “Rock-a-Bye Baby”, “The Geisha Boy”, “Boeing Boeing”, “It’s Only Money” and “Who’s Minding The Story”.  More significantly there was a DVD release of “The Jazz Singer” which was a 1959 television drama that has never been seen since its original airing.  It’s the classic story, done brilliantly before by Al Jolson, Danny Thomas, and even Neil Diamond, of a performer who shuns the interest of his Cantor father to continue in the family tradition at the local synagogue.  I came across an audio clip from Jerry explaining why he feels that this type of production isn’t made anymore: 

	JERRY LEWIS TALKS ABOUT THE JAZZ SINGER
	THE FALSEDUCKS BLAHG

     I could probably go on and on about the great and not so great Jerry Lewis material out there but then this blahg wouldn’t get finished.  I am just hoping that the release of material continues and Jerry gets his due on store shelves.  One more thing on the release of “The Jazz Singer”, which will bring this blahg back to where it should be going, Jerry Lewis did some promotion for this DVD release and was signing copies of the DVD in Los Angeles.  Up to that point, I had not heard that Jerry was actually making public appearances anymore.  The closest he ever got to me was about ten years or so ago when he had a one man show “An Evening With Jerry Lewis” that played in Toronto.  I’m two and a half hours away from Toronto and I couldn’t swing it at that time. 

     Jump ahead to 2012.  Thirty years had passed since my high-school graduation and that Bob Hope’s shoes remark had been attributed to my picture in the yearbook.  I’m driving in the car and listening to the top ten at ten on AM 740.  I’ve mentioned this radio station before, out of Toronto, and you can listen to it live at:  http://zoomerradio.ca.  The top ten on that day was dedicated to 1965 and the announcer, before going to a commercial break, gave a hint regarding the number one song.  His clue was that the song was by the son of a famous comedian and that the father would be appearing at Casino Rama in Orillia, just north of Toronto, in April.  I quickly struggled to guess the song and the singer before the program resumed.  The only name I could think of from the 1960s who had a father that was a famous comedian was Gary Lewis and the song would be “This Diamond Ring.”  As I began to think of the possibility, I excitedly wondered if this meant that Gary Lewis’ father Jerry Lewis would be coming back to Canada.  After the commercial, my suspicions were confirmed.  The top song was that one by Gary Lewis and this meant that I had the possibility of getting to see Jerry Lewis! 

     When I finally got home and could check Casino Rama’s website, it was confirmed for me.  Jerry Lewis was playing Casino Rama on April 13th.  I was, to say the least, extremely excited.  I called my friend Bryan and mentioned that Jerry Lewis was coming and that he and I had to go and see him.  Of course Bryan shared my enthusiasm.  The excitement, however, became tainted when I mentioned to my wife about going to see Jerry with Bryan.  I was immediately informed that if I was going to go away overnight to see Jerry that I was going to take her.  We’re celebrating our 25th anniversary this year so the request was clearly not a request.  Bryan understood but I’m still sure that his disappointment hasn’t waned.  He has since said he is not really a big Jerry Lewis fan but I think that’s a lie and he’s just trying to make me feel better about choosing my wife over him.  If you think I’m going to rethink my decision….YOU’RE WRONG!  (my wife might be reading this). 

     When tickets went on sale, I was quickly online at the Casino Rama website because I wanted decent seats.  I wanted to be able to see Jerry and get as close to him as I could.  All sorts of things were going through my mind.  Could I get close enough to the stage for him to see me?  Would he be signing autographs?  What if I could meet him?  I’ll be honest, the thought of shining his shoes never crossed my mind.  I don’t know what the happier moment was for me:  when the tickets arrived by mail and they were in my hand or the moment when I heard Jerry Lewis was coming.  I knew that seeing him live or alive would top both of these experiences. 

     Let me say that attending the event was a joy!  We drove three and a half hours and when Jerry stepped out on that stage, I was like a school kid.  I remember elbowing my wife and squealing “there he is” with great delight.  Jerry’s 86 years old and that did not stop him from putting on a fantastic show.  He told some great jokes and sang a few great songs.  One of the musical highlights was his version of “Old Black Magic” that he originally performed in “The Nutty Professor”.  The crowd went wild.  Fortunately, someone captured that moment and it’s available on Youtube. 

    I didn’t bring a camera myself because I thought they would be banned and I didn’t want to be ejected from the event.  Jeanette and I had great seats and we could see Jerry very well and there were two large screens next to the stage that allowed even better views.  These were used for close-ups of the performance and to show clips from Jerry’s movies.  For some reason, Jerry made reference to Henny Youngman, the king of one-liners, being from a Canada and showed a clip of Jerry, Alan King, and another comic in a salute to Youngman.  It was hilarious and I wish I could find that clip online but I haven’t had any success.  I’ll keep looking.  By the way, Henny Youngman was born in the United Kingdom.  Well, Canada is part of the Commonwealth so I guess I can forgive Jerry that inaccuracy. 

     I mentioned earlier about the release of “Who’s Minding The Store” on DVD.  In that film, Jerry did a great gag of typing on an imaginary typewriter while keeping in time with the music and sound effects.  It’s a very funny gag and one that Jerry performed at Casino Rama last week.  He never missed a beat while performing it last week and the audience at it up.  I don’t have video of that performance but here’s a video of the original gag from the movie.  The man is a genius! 

     Jerry Lewis had people in stitches the whole evening.  Some of the jokes I heard him do before.  There is a great VHS of “An Evening With Sammy Davis & Jerry Lewis” from 1988.  Jerry repeated some of the jokes from that appearance.  In the video, Jerry and Sammy are a delight.  Sammy sings and dances and Jerry does his schtick.  They have individual sets but when they get together or Jerry interrupts Sammy, the show is the thing.  If you can track down a copy of the video, sorry no DVD release yet, then you’re in for a treat.  This pairing, like Dean and Jerry, will never happen again. 

     All of the jokes, gags, and songs Jerry performed at Casino Rama were very memorable but Jerry Lewis did something I have never seen another performer do before or since (although that was last week and I haven’t seen any other concerts in that time).  Half way during the show, Jerry sat down in a director’s chair and took questions from the audience!  I couldn’t believe it.  I wasn’t sure I would have the opportunity to get close to Jerry but here was my chance.  I wasn’t the first one out of my seat because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to ask Jerry.  I got in line because I knew that something would come to me and I certainly wasn’t going to miss this chance of a lifetime. 

     Many of the questions asked by others that night are a bit of a blur.  I do recall that most of them appeared to be fawning idiots who just wanted to thank Jerry for everything he had done.  Others asked for autographs and were referred to see Security after the show.  None of us knew if these requests would be honored.  I had been toying with asking Jerry if there would be any new DVD releases in the near future because I really was interested in knowing the answer. 

     At some point, while waiting my turn in the long line, the shining of the shoes came back to haunt me.  Was this appropriate to ask?  What would be his reaction?  When it came my turn I stepped up to the microphone and said “Hello Jerry, my name is Scott, and when I was in High School they printed next to my picture in the yearbook that I was voted most likely to shine Bob Hope’s shoes.  That bastard up and died on me so I’m wondering if I could shine your shoe?”  That’s right, I said ‘shoe’, singular.  I was so excited by what I was saying and that I was actually saying it to Jerry Lewis that my mouth went dry towards the end and I could only utter shoe when I came to the end of my speech.  Jerry’s reaction was priceless.  He had just taken a drink of water and out it came in a spray when he heard my request.  He sputtered and said “I had to ask.”  I had cracked up Jerry Lewis and the audience.  I was laughing too.  I never did get a direct answer from Jerry but the interchange between us was palpable.

     I thought that was it.  I had made my appearance and others came up to the microphone and asked their questions.  I don’t think anyone topped my request.  But the question still remained:  How was I going to get to shine Jerry’s shoe?  After the performance, and what a performance, many audience members worked their way to the right of the stage where members of Security stood.  Many had brought books or DVDs or records for Jerry to sign.  They all were jostling with Security hoping to get backstage to have their items signed.  Someone took some of the items backstage and said they would see what they could do to get the items autographed.  I just stood among them.  I had nothing to sign.  I just wanted to shine Jerry’s shoe.  After 30 minutes, they began to take a few VIP ticket holders backstage and they eventually came out with small autographed photos.  Others who had sent items with Security were allowed backstage to retrieve their items.  About 20 of us without items stood in line hoping to get to see Jerry and have our tickets signed at least. 

     As I mentioned, there was a great deal of jostling from the 50 or so people hoping to be lucky enough to see Jerry and maybe get his autograph.  Some Security members doubted that Jerry would sign for long as he was old and tired.  I could only hope.  Eventually some people got tired of waiting and left.  After another twenty minutes, the remainder of us were allowed backstage.  We were told at this point that Jerry was very tired and that he would not be autographing tickets nor were photos allowed.  What about shoe shining, I wondered. 

     Jeanette joined me in line and we eventually were led to a room where Jerry sat in his director’s chair.  Most walked up and shook his hand.  Then it was my turn.  I shook his hand and reminded him that I was the one who wanted to shine his shoe.  He smiled and gestured to his shoe.  I got down on one knee and with my coat sleeve, I began to gently shine his left shoe.  I only shined the one shoe because I had only said ‘shoe’ and I didn’t want to press my luck and go for both.  I stood up, and without blinking an eye, I extended my palm and said “that will be a dollar.”  Jerry laughed and said “get out of here.”  It was a moment I won’t ever forget.  I had cracked up Jerry Lewis…twice. 

     Jeanette was behind me in line.  Neither of us had brought anything for Jerry Lewis to sign and we knew better than to ask him to sign our tickets after we were warned against it.  Jeanette, however, had a small notebook in her purse and quickly offered a blank page to Jerry.  No fuss no muss.  Jerry signed it!  What class!  What style!  What an end to an extraordinary evening! 

     I may have never had the chance to sign Bob Hope’s shoes but I think this makes up for it.  I signed Jerry Lewis’ shoe.  It was only the left shoe but that leaves me with a goal for the right foot.  I’ll see him again, don’t you worry.  Long live Jerry Lewis!