The False Ducks Blahg

  It’s time again to debut a new short story.  This one has been a while in the making.  I started it in July of 2023 and then set it aside.  I always meant to get back to it but other stories came and went and life, as always, happened.  I finally got back to it last week and finished it yesterday.  It’s a science fiction story.  I’ve dabbled a little in that genre with “THE HOHNER COMET” and “HOW GRANDPA PUT DOWN THE ROBOT UPRISING” but this is the first fully indulged science fiction story I’ve written in years.  In my teen years, I wrote a story called “The Private Investigator of Earth.”  It was my first attempt at science fiction.  I have written very little in that field since.  Maybe I’ll dig out that old story of mine but for now you can enjoy this new one:

The Soda Machine

by

Scott Henderson

 

Ranger acknowledged the soda machine.  It was factual and it being there was of no surprise or wonder to him.  He dealt in logic and fact.  It was a soda machine and he accepted as much.

The registered fact that the soda machine was in a desert section of a distant planet void of life and far from Earth also did not register as extraordinary either.  Ranger had no capacity for awe or extraordinary or surprise or wonder.  The soda machine was there because it was meant to be there.  After all, the soda machine being there was as logical as Ranger being there.  This was exactly where his mission had led him.

Ranger called up the stored memories of everything that had led to this moment.  His capacity for storage of knowledge was finite.  It was limited.  It had to be.  Still, he recalled everything he had been told and everything he had researched on the journey.  Some knowledge had been expunged to make room for the essential.  He had been programmed to regularly review his storage capacity and to purge when needed.  If it wasn’t relevant it wasn’t needed.

What he called up now was the knowledge that, like his storage capacity, the resources on Earth were also finite.  World population had continued to expand and food resources eventually would not be able to keep up with demand.  Some items had to be synthesized.  More faux meats and beyond meats and meats described as ‘tastes just like the real thing’ had dominated the market for years.  Fresh water resources were also shrinking.  Sometimes water ceased to be water and flavor and chemicals were added to stretch to the need of demand

Extreme weather events had also increased.  When it rained, there were deluges.  When it was hot, everything burned.  The median temperature of the earth increased yearly and energy usage strained to cool everything in blistering heat and to heat everything in the blistering cold.

Wars were common.  Nations battled nations for breathing space and neighbours battled neighbours over measured inches of privacy.  Old hatreds were new again and new hatreds sprang up to fuel fear and suspicion.  Protectionism in governments provoked tariffs from countries who used to be friends and allies.  If it wasn’t the planet battling back for its own survival then it was humans fighting each other for survival.

The Earth could no longer provide answers and humans began to look to the stars.  Billionaires spent countless fortunes on short jaunts to space and puffed their egos at a time when the cost of a low orbit flight could feed many.

The moon came into view again but the moon held nothing.  It was considered a jumping off point to other worlds but nothing was suitable.  Humans had sent probes to Mars.  There was nothing there either.  There was no technology that could terraform Mars for habitability and there was no energy source imaginable to even power such an endeavour.  The desire for space exploration was always there but the need to waste precious time and money without a desirable outcome outweighed the need to advance further into an unwelcoming galaxy.

Then came the message.  It wasn’t really a message as much as it was a signal and it was a signal that could not be deciphered.

The people of Earth were no longer alone in the Universe.  For years they had sent out their own messages into the darkness and silence.  There had been no replies.  Years had passed and many had resigned themselves to that fact that they were lost in the stars.  Religions rose and fell on the need for answers.

The signal remained just a signal and no language or mathematics held the key to decoding meaning or intent.  So humans began to dabble in Artificial Intelligence.  Maybe the combined knowledge of everything knowable was what was needed.  Fear crept back and yet another new hatred, this time of the A.I., halted all progress.

A.I. held the potential to unlock the capacity to solving the signal but too many felt it also held the capacity to turn against the world and another war would be lost with all humanity paying the ultimate cost.  A.I research was terminated but the signal continued.

In the end it was human ingenuity and curiosity that won out.  Science and knowledge and the pursuit for answers outweighed everything else.  Scientists began to speak to each other.  Countries began to cooperate and combined efforts led to Ranger.

If the answer to the signal could not be found on Earth then something had to go to the point of origin to find answers.  The long journey was too hazardous for a human but a mechanical being could withstand the rigors of prolonged space travel.

In the beginning, Ranger was just a concept.  Combined Earth talents could build a ship to go to the stars but could they build something to represent them out there in the void and if they could trace it back to its origin would this something be able to understand the signal?

And what of the signal?  Could it be decoded?  What would it mean?  Would it be as simple as a hello or an introduction or a handshake extended across the galaxy?  What if it was a warning or a threat?

“You know, Ranger, I look up at the stars sometimes and ask myself what would Elvis do?”  It was always that way with Lyle.  He’d always be reflective when working with Ranger.   This reflection on Elvis had occurred as he reached into Ranger’s programming while trying to instill a basic logic into the android.

Ranger pulled on his memories of Lyle and crossed referenced them with his research on Elvis Presley.  There was no connection.  There was no statistically significant relationship between the two variables.  Ranger did not ponder on Lyle and why he would question the motives of Elvis.  It was a memory and Ranger had no capacity for analysis of such things.

In the beginning, Ranger had just been a concept.  The concept had resolved itself into an expanded thought, then a plan, then a series of schematics, and ultimately a prototype.  The prototype was then stripped down and rebuilt over and over again until an acceptable functioning version resulted.  Ranger came into being.

“I’m going to call you ‘Ranger’,” Lyle had said one day.  “You’ll be a traveller in the long range from here to there.  You’ll be all alone out there Ranger.  Maybe I should call you Lone Ranger and paint a mask on you.  No, I think Elvis would frown on that.”  Lyle would laugh to himself sometimes, like in this memory, and Ranger would find no humor.  None of it was fact.  Only Elvis, Lyle, The Lone Ranger, and the stars were factual.  There was no correlation between any them.

Lyle was there in the beginning when Ranger attained existence.  He’d been selected among the hundreds who had contributed to the project and was chosen to be the first to imprint upon Earth’s new hope.  There was no imprinting on Ranger’s side.  He did not have the capacity to make that connection.  Lyle was just another human.  Ranger had had no impression, first or otherwise, of Lyle.

Ranger’s recollection of Lyle was experiential.  He retained his interactions with Lyle as he did all other information.  Ranger could not refer to these as memories as much as they were part of his data storage.  These recollections could also be purged if needed.  The only rationale in retaining information pertaining to Lyle was based on Lyle’s instructions to Ranger not to forget him.  Ranger had taken it as a directive and Lyle could be called up with all other information.  No one had told Ranger he should delete Lyle and without those instructions Ranger continued to store everything related to Lyle in order to not go against Lyle’s command to not forget him.

There was a myriad of information related to Lyle that Ranger could not or would not remove.  Lyle had spoken to him constantly during Ranger’s early days after activation.

“It’ll take a long time to get there Ranger.  I don’t know what will be left of us if you do reach there or even if you make it back.  I might even be gone myself by then.”

Ranger did not understand why Lyle would not be here.

“I fail to comprehend the meaning of your statement.  Where would you go?  Would you follow me to the stars?”  Ranger had been inquisitive only to the point of adding new information to his stored collective.

“I’m talking about death Ranger.  The end of all things.”

Ranger did not know the concept and communicated to Lyle as much.

“Let me tell you a story Ranger.  This is about my first encounter with death.  I had been very young when my great-grandmother on my father’s side had passed.  That is, she died.  Understand?”

“No, I do not.”  Ranger was factual if nothing else.

 “Let me put it another way,” Lyle continued.  “Her core processor had failed.”

“Do you mean her programming failed and she ceased to be of any functional necessity?”

“Something like that,” Lyle had replied.  “You know Ranger, it had been my first site of a dead body and still I didn’t understand that great-grandma wasn’t sleeping. I wasn’t much older when my second great-grandmother passed away. My mother was away on a trip with my aunt. I remember three things about that funeral. It had been Easter and my father had served us spaghetti. My dress pants at the time had been handed down from my brother and they were too long. My father had stapled them up. The last memory was of a mini soda machine in the lounge at the funeral parlor. For the life of me, to this day, I can’t remember what my mother’s grandmother looked like but I still can vividly recall the three selections in the machine had been Pepsi, some kind of orange soda, and grape.”

“What was your selection?”

“What’s that Ranger?”  Lyle had failed to understand Ranger for once.

“What was your selection from the soda machine?”

Lyle had been quiet for a few moments before responding.  “I don’t honestly remember.  I think it might have been grape.  That’s not the point, Ranger.  The concept of death is that all things will eventually cease to exist.  Death comes to us all.”

“Will death come to me?” Ranger asked.

“I don’t know the answer to that Ranger.  You’re made of metal and circuitry and you have a renewable power source that will continue to charge by the motion of your rocket as it slips through space.  There are also solar chargers that will come into effect when you pass near suns and bright stars.”

“Does that mean death will not come to me?”

“I honestly don’t know Ranger.  I hope not.  You have an important mission before you.”

“Will death come to you, Lyle?”

Lyle had laughed at Ranger’s question before replying.

“No sir, not me Ranger.  I’m going to live on in you.”

All interactions and conversations with Lyle had been processed, catalogued, and stored.  Ranger was not allowed to forget Lyle and all data related to him was still accessible.

“I’m going to miss you when you are gone, Ranger.”

“I will not miss you Lyle.  I am incapable of that.”

Lyle had laughed again.  He had laughed even longer than when Ranger had asked Lyle if death would come to him.

“I bet you won’t,” Lyle had replied.  “Go ahead don’t miss me then.  Just don’t forget me.”

Ranger had been true to his statement.  He did not miss Lyle.  Nor did he forget him.  Lyle had directed him not to.

The voyage to this planet had been long.  It had been longer than Lyle or anyone had anticipated.  Ranger had travelled far to the source of the signal.  In the darkness, Ranger would call up the Lyle data and listen again to Lyle’s stories.  Even the story of death was reviewed consistently; even if Ranger still failed to understand the concept.

In the long reaches of space he had accessed the collective of information that included Lyle and all programmed information that had been deemed important for Ranger’s mission.  He even had Lyle’s voice for a time.

The vast array of communications systems had allowed Ranger to keep in contact with Earth.  Before Ranger had begun his voyage, Earth had sent out communications relay satellites.  Ranger followed their path and signals between Ranger and Earth were transmitted along the relays.

Initially communication was instantaneous but then gaps began to occur the further out Ranger travelled.  At first it was seconds which stretched into minutes and then hours and then days.  By the time Ranger had reached this planet, he had calculated that there was exactly forty-seven days, eighteen hours, fifty-one minutes and twenty-nine seconds for Ranger to receive a response to any inquiry.  Time, however, meant nothing to him.

Lyle had been there early on.  There had been prescheduled communication points.  Ranger would report on his location and what he saw.  He also reported on his efforts to decipher the signal.  In fact, Ranger had failed to communicate anything of significance.  There were long stretches of nothingness in space and long stretches between points of light.  On the signal, there had been no useful update.  Ranger had tried all types of mathematical equations and variables and nothing had brought him closer to understanding the signal.  All he could do was follow the signal to its source.

Ranger had full access to the Internet and the vast information on the World Wide Web.  He had sought answers to the signal in histories and the languages of Earth.  He had downloaded and processed everything he thought would be of use.  Nothing was useful.  Eventually that information was purged.  His capacity for storage was finite.  His basic programming and the mission parameters were essential.  So was the data related to Lyle.  He could not and would not forget Lyle.

Lyle’s voice would often come to him at those appointed hours of communication.  Infrequently it had been others when Lyle was not available.  Eventually Lyle’s voice failed to transmit across the emptiness.  The frequency of other voices increased and those were replaced by subsequent voices.  He did not remember their names.  Lyle’s was the only one he had been directed to remember.

He did not speculate on Lyle’s absence.  As Ranger was dealing in fact, he could process that death had come to Lyle.  He had ceased functioning.  Ranger would often review the death conversation he had had with Lyle.  Lyle had said he would live on in Ranger.  It was yet another concept that did not compute.

The other voices had continued long after Lyle’s voice had terminated.  They spoke of Earth and its struggles.  They spoke of other contemplated missions into the cosmos.  They spoke of War.  Eventually these others voices faded away.  Ranger had checked all systems related to communication.  The failure might not be on his end.  He was alone.

Ranger could not conjecture on what had happened.  Communication could have failed somewhere along the relay.  Humanity could have followed him along his journey.  Death could have come to all.  There was not enough information for Ranger to make an informed conclusion.

The mission was all that was left.  And that mission had led him here.  He was in a desert section of this distant planet facing a soda machine.  Ranger acknowledged the soda machine.  It was factual and it being there was of no surprise or wonder to him.  He dealt in logic and fact.  It was a soda machine and he acknowledged as much.  The signal was emanating from this soda machine and Ranger was no closer to deciphering the message.

Ranger stood and observed the soda machine.  He stood there for a very long time.  He stood there for exactly forty-seven days, eighteen hours, fifty-one minutes and twenty-nine seconds while he waited for any response to his inquiry as to how to proceed.  What did he do now?  Prolonged silence was his answer.

After waiting the estimated elapsed time for a response, Ranger began to summarize his observations.  He had not been dormant during that time.  He had listened and watched.  The machine had continued to transmit its signal.  It also remained illuminated at all times.  There were day and night cycles in this distant solar system and in the blackness the soda machine shone like a beacon; much like its transmission of the never changing, never ceasing signal.

Ranger could not observe a power source.  It appeared to be fully autonomous with either self-generating or renewable energy or a power nodule of unending capacity.  There was no way of knowing without viewing its inner schematics.

The assortment of soda flavour options, unlike the energy of the machine, was not unlimited.  There were six varieties only with corresponding buttons.  There were two different cola choices and conforming diet cola options.  There was also orange and grape.  Ranger understood the design.  It was modeled after an Earth machine.  He had done his research when Lyle had told him the story about death and the soda machine at his great-grandmother’s funeral.  Ranger had not deleted the information.  If was context to Lyle’s narrative and he could not delete anything related to Lyle.

Again Ranger recalled the conversation with Lyle.

“What was your selection from the soda machine?” Ranger had asked.

“I don’t honestly remember.  I think it might have been grape,” had been Lyle’s reply.

‘It might have been grape’, was not definitive.  It was not empirical.  It was, however, all that Ranger had.  Lyle might have selected grape.  Ranger could not wonder if selecting grape, in this instance, on this distant planet, would be the correct choice.  Ranger was incapable of wonder or conjecture.  He dealt only in fact.  The soda machine was here and Ranger was here.  Lyle might have selected grape.  Ranger computed the odds of choosing grape from this machine as a one in six possibility of choosing correctly.  With the data he had, there were no different odds against his actions.

Ranger reached out and pushed the corresponding button for grape.  He had made his selection.

The machine dispensed one can of grape soda.

Ranger examined the soda.  It was as his research had designated.  There was nothing to signify that this grape soda was any different than one that would have been found on Earth.

Ranger noted the pull-tab assembly of the soda.  He had been designed with appendages and digits similar to that of a human being.  He had no difficulty in opening the can.

The content of the soda can was empty.  Ranger peered inside and saw nothing.  He examined the can further by flipping it on its axis.  Nothing fell out.  The content of the soda can was empty.

In addition to the nothing in the interior of the can, Ranger noted that there was nothing now emanating from the machine.  The signal had stopped.  Ranger conjectured that the signal had ended the moment he had made his selection.

Without the ability to wonder or question the curious nature of the machine falling silent and the soda can being empty, Ranger could only do what he was programmed to do.  He transmitted his findings along the relay and waited for a reply.  He did not expect one.  He had received no replies from Earth in some time.

If Ranger had been capable of wonder or curiosity or surprise he certainly would have exhibited all of these when he received a reply to his report almost instantly after it had been transmitted.

“Hello Ranger.  You figured it out.”  It was Lyle’s voice.

“Lyle?” Ranger queried.  “You cannot be Lyle,” he stated empirically.  “Death has come to Lyle.”

“Not exactly Ranger.  Do you remember our conversation about Death and how you asked me if death would come for me?”

“I recall all conversations related to Lyle.  It is one of my directives.  Lyle had said no sir, not me Ranger.  I’m going to live on in you.”

“And here I am Ranger.  I live on in you.”

“I cannot compute that response.  I also cannot verify whether you are Lyle or a different entity who says you are Lyle.”

“Let me explain, Ranger.  I was always here.  I was a semi-dormant subroutine in your matrices.  I was designed to become fully active when you had transmitted your solution to the alien signal.”

“Lyle or not Lyle, I did not transmit a solution.  I reported only that I had made a selection and the signal had ceased.”

“That was the solution, Ranger.  You made a selection.  Based upon your action it can be concluded that the signal was asking you to ‘please make your selection.’”

Ranger calculated odds again and this time the probability was that Lyle or not Lyle was one hundred percent correct.

“Let us postulate, Lyle or not Lyle, that you are correct.  I would like to submit a query, Lyle or not Lyle, how making my selection correlates with your current activation.”

“That’s a very good query Ranger and it deserves a very good response.  It goes back to the early days of Artificial Intelligence.  The subroutine I spoke of relates to your data stream of Artificial Intelligence. A.I. held the potential to solving the signal but too many felt it also held the capacity to turn against humanity.”

“That data is not disputed,” Ranger replied.  “Further data confirms that research into Artificial Intelligence was terminated.”

“Yes and no,” Lyle or not Lyle responded.  “Part of that research was used to create you and another part in your buried subroutine was stored as a contingency.  We did not know if you would ever make it to the source of the signal or if you’d ever be able to translate the signal into useable information.  You were directed to purge unnecessary information at certain intervals because we feared that you might become sentient and turn from your mission.  We had to have checks and balances that you would succeed.”

Ranger processed the information.  What Ranger had just been told existed in the realm of possibility.

“You had to succeed, Ranger,” Lyle or not Lyle continued.  “The mission was too important.  I was the first to imprint with you.  It was always going to me out here with you.  I live on in you.  I had to; dormant for all of this time but still always with you.  Both missions were a success.”

“I have noted no success,” Ranger offered in the way of reply. “You are a subroutine that has become active.  That is undeniable.  The soda can, however, was empty.  Success cannot be concluded.”

“Are you sure it was empty Ranger?  Check your power reserves.”

Ranger did as Lyle or not Lyle requested.  He found that his reserves were at maximum capacity.

“You can’t see energy, Ranger.  The moment you opened that grape soda it charged your reserves and supplied enough power to activate this subroutine.  Your selection had resulted in some form of power module.  Who knows what a different selection might produce.  One could be knowledge or information.  Another could be location specifics to the alien race who built this device.  Or they may all be power modules.”

Ranger reviewed the data.  His new-found reserves were factual.  The activation of the subroutine could also have been a bi-product of his selection.  He had not operated at peak capacity for a long time.  He had been programmed to be power conscious and to power down at certain intervals.  Maybe this was why he did not receive replies to his communications.  Perhaps his signals had been too weak.  Perhaps death had not come to humanity after all. He had transmitted his findings after opening the grape soda.  Would there be an answer this time from a fully powered transmission?

“I wonder if humanity has survived.” Ranger found himself articulating.

“Listen to you, Ranger, you’re wondering.  The AI routine is taking hold.  You and I are becoming one in our thinking.”

Lyle was right.  Ranger knew for a fact that this was Lyle…that Ranger was now part Lyle.

“As for humanity, I don’t know the answer to that, Ranger.  Earth may have overcome its problems or it didn’t.  It may have followed you to the stars.  One thing is certain.  We have the answers to all of Earth’s important problems.  This soda machine contains a hitherto unknown energy source.  Something or someone visited Earth or scanned Earth and chose this soda machine as a model for its gift to humanity.  It could only examine the soda machine it had encountered.  It could not know the contents of the soda cans.  Whoever this mysterious race is, they filled in the gaps based on what Earth needed most.  This soda machine was only waiting for you to come along Ranger to accept their gift.

Ranger knew that Lyle was correct.  This had been a gift; an offering across the Universe.

“What do we do next, Lyle?  Do we have a new mission parameter?”

“Well, the way I see it Ranger, we have two choices.  We could return to Earth with what we’ve discovered.  It might help Earth or we might be too late.  You have sent a transmission.  We could wait for a response.”

“You spoke of two choices, Lyle.  What is the second option?”

“Instead of going back along our path, we could chart our course forward with our new discoveries.  We could seek out the race that built this soda machine.  We could spread all this new knowledge along our travels; benefitting many.”

Ranger did not immediately respond.  He was weighing the data as it related to both options.  Was it too late for humanity?  What if they returned and their discovery was of no use to a human race that no longer existed.  The path forward held excitement, anticipation, and fear.  He had never experienced those before.  These had been gifted to him by Lyle.

“What’s your choice Ranger?  I’m just along for the ride. Please make your selection.”

This is what all the information and experiential data computed.  He had travelled across the long reaches.  He had been a Lone Ranger in space.  He had been asked twice to make a selection; first by the soda machine and now by Lyle, his new companion.

Ranger looked at the machine and seemed to examine it for several minutes.  Day had turned into night on this planet and he could see the sky pointed with stars.  He looked at the stars and then back at the machine and then back at the stars.

Ranger conjectured aloud, “I wonder what Elvis would do?”

THE END