The False Ducks Blahg

      Well, it’s another snow storm here in my neck of the woods; about the fourth in February so far.  I got to go home early from work today, because I have a great boss, and I thought I’d try and write a quick blahg for 2018 about my trials and tribulations in 2017.  My topless photo at right is from one of those trying times last year which I survived.  Hear that 2017?  I survived!  You didn’t get me! 

     Some of you are probably wondering how a year could try and kill someone.  It just can!  It’s like machines, they will rise up and try to exterminate us all one day.  It will start with toasters.  If you don’t like toast then count yourself lucky but keep an eye on your coffee maker or hand mixer.  It’ll happen, mark my words. But not my Instant Pot.  I like my Instant Pot.  Pssst, closer so my Instant Pot doesn’t hear.  It’s going to happen!  That device is the most like a bomb item that I have in my house so don’t make it mad.

     Okay, so I digress.  The appliances haven’t risen up yet and they’ve yet to unionize.  2017 saw me facing a few challenges and it did include motorized equipment but there might have been some human involvement in there somewhere.  I’m trying to think of the earliest incident in 2017.  I think it was last April when a serious thing happened with my 2005 Ford Escape.  One day I was driving it and it starting making a thumping noise.  I checked with construction workers I know and even consulted my mechanic.  They assured me it was a belt in my tire.  I was told I could drop it off at my local garage and my mechanic would look at it the next day.  I didn’t get that far.  Read on. 

     My wife and I had to stay in town after work to meet with our Insurance agent.  I left the truck at my parents’ home and we drove in my wife’s car.  We then went out to dinner and did some shopping.  We picked up my truck later that evening and my wife was following me in my car.  I hadn’t even left town when there was a loud “bang” and the truck lurched to the right.  When I got out, I couldn’t find anything wrong with the truck but it was dark so it wouldn’t have been easy to see anything.  My wife said that just before the truck lurched, she saw something fly off the truck.  I called a tow-truck and 30 minutes later a flat-bed pulled up and tried to hoist my truck.  The right front tire almost fell off.  It was then that the tow-truck driver discovered that all of the lug nuts that hold on the tire were missing.  Probably the thing that my wife saw fly off was the last lug nut holding it on.  The driver managed to secure the tire with nuts borrowed from the other tires and was able to hoist it onto the flatbed and haul it out to my local garage here in Demorestville. 

     You would think that would have been the end of the story but you’d be wrong; much like we’re all wrong about having all of those appliances in our homes…..shhhhhhhhhhhh!  My mechanic looked at the truck the following day and there was no major damage.  It required all new lug nuts and it only cost me $50…plus the $180 tow!  The scary thing that my mechanic had to tell me was that he believed someone had deliberately loosened or removed the lug nuts.  It wasn’t from wear and tear.  I never discovered who did that but it’s scary to think I was targeted. 

     When I got home from work that next day, my truck was in the driveway waiting for me.  That was a Friday so I drove it into our garage and didn’t drive it the whole weekend.  On Sunday, I discovered that the front right tire was completely flat.  I can tell you I lost it.  I was sure that I was being targeted and that someone had gotten into the garage and deliberately flattened the tire.  I was sure that someone was trying to kill me.  The culprit who had tampered with my lug nuts was out to get me!  Again, not so.  It turns out the valve stem had been damaged when the mechanics tightened all the lug nuts on all of the other tires.  It was a quick fix but my nerves were still in need of repair. 

     I’ll jump around a bit.  The next incident with my Ford Escape was in November when my gas cap light came on.  I wasn’t too concerned when I saw that light on the dashboard because it had happened before.  I had dropped and broken the original gas cap so I had to replace it with an after market cap and sometimes if not tightened properly, the light would come on.  Removing and re-tightening it usually fixed the problem.  It didn’t work that time.  Instead, my engine light came on.  My mechanic assured me it was probably just a sensor but he couldn’t get it in to the shop until the following week.  He said it was safe to drive but I swapped it out for my wife’s car and let her drive it the one minute it takes her to get to her school. 

     After letting it rest for the weekend I decided it was paranoia on my part and I could probably drive it to work.  On my commute into town, more lights lit up on the dash and my windshield wipers started to go in slow motion.  I just turned the corner onto the street where I work when everything died and I managed to coast to a stop along the side of the road.  Luckily after the incident with the lug nuts in the spring, I had purchased a CAA membership.  I called a tow truck and was told it would cost me $50 because the tow to my mechanic in Demorestville was outside the 20 kilometer free tow area.  I walked a half block to work and grumbled about it.  I logged onto the CAA website and discovered that tows over longer distances were free with the next membership package up from mine.  That was an upgrade of $40 that I happily made.  Even more lucky, CAA processed the upgrade right away and my tow was free.  It turned out to be the alternator in my truck and not the sensor but I survived once more. 

     I have previously written about two other incidents that happened to me in 2017.  If you check out the blahgs entitled HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, 2017! and BEING SICK ON CHRISTMAS IS NO FUN…BUT HERE WE GO, then you’ll read about when I had a scooter accident in September and how I was miserably sick at Christmas.  The half naked photo of me above is from when I was in the hospital after wiping out on my daughter’s scooter.  The flu at Christmas was something else.  I was sure it was going to kill me and when it didn’t I was crying for death to come and take me.  I never want to be that sick again. 

     In between the accident in September and the flu at Christmas there was something else that tried to take me down.  For some reason, I began to suffer severe pain in the middle of my back just below my shoulder blades.  It went on for a couple of weeks and I was having difficulty sleeping at night and walking upright during the daylight hours.  Heating rub, heating pads, and medication didn’t help at all.  Finally my wife trotted out one of her old suggestions of going to see a Chiropractor.  Normally I would be opposed because I always thought Chiropractors were quacks but this time I was willing to give it a try.  My only condition was that I wanted a female Chiropractor because the two others I had seen in my lifetime were old white men who did nothing for me. 

     I’d like to say that going to the Chiropractor helped me but I’m not really sure if it did.  I know that after the first visit I was very skeptical because I had been bashed, bruised and twisted until I was in even more pain than before the appointment.  I committed to going a total of three times.  Each time was like the one before and the Chiropractor told me she was having a problem loosening the tightness in the middle of my back.  I was supposed to go back and see her after Boxing Day but then I came down with that miserable flu.  I was so sick with such a pain in my throat and other aches and pains that I completely forgot about my back.  Then I realized that I didn’t feel the pain in my back.  Maybe it had been the work of the Chiropractor or maybe it was the stress at work leading up to the holidays that I forgot about because of the flu.  Either way the pain was gone and I survived until the end of the year and up to today. 

     Well, that’s it.  2017 didn’t get me!  My Tassimo tried to quit on me in 2018 but then it too knew I was a stubborn bastard and was prepared to replace it.  In fact, I did replace it but then my old one started working again.  So I have a back-up Tassimo in my closet.  I know that’s probably not a good idea to threaten my old Tassimo and that more than likely the old and the new will pair up one day or merge into some Super Tassimo Dalek but I’m feeling good with having come home early today and having had a nap.  So I’ll throw caution to the wind and temp the fates and say that 2018 is going to be a great year.  After all, I have a new Instant Pot that’s done some great meals and makes everyone at work jealous.  Until it becomes sentient and decides to Instantly kill me.  Bring it on!

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