Last week I got to view the movie “Dear Evan Hansen” with my daughter Abbie who had been looking forward to seeing it. 
Unfortunately the movie did not live up to her expectations. She and her sister Emily were in New York a few years ago when “Dear Evan Hansen” was playing on Broadway but they couldn’t get tickets. Abbie has been listening to the Broadway soundtrack for a few years and had high expectations for the movie. Critical reviews of the movie were not stellar and Abbie and I were also left disappointed in the film.
If you haven’t seen the film, you should. It’s the story of an awkward teenager who writes letters to himself for self-affirmation. Unfortunately one of the letters is intercepted by another teen who kills himself. The letter, found in the dead teen’s possessions, suggests that the late teen and Evan Hansen had a friendship which was shared through letters and emails. The story goes on to be inspirational through the songs and the bond Evan creates with the dead teen’s family and Evan’s classmates who struggle to make sense of things. It’s an interesting story and worth a viewing even if we thought it didn’t really come together. 
Abbie said that some of the Broadway songs were not included in the film and others were added. Music and lyrics were created by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul who also worked on “The Greatest Showman.” “The Greatest Showman” is a much better film and has wonderful songs.
I started thinking about the idea of someone writing to themselves for affirmation. I remembered that I once wrote a poem back in 1986 to myself. The title was “to old one” and it was about wanting to ask my elder self how I got through things or if I’d be okay in the future. Here’s that poem:
to old one
I imagine one day
I’ll be old–
and knowin’ me
one day will be about
all I can hack–
so I’m writin’ this to my old self
not what I was
but what I’ll be
for that one day
I’m tellin’ myself
to be happy
bein’ old
’cause maybe by then
I’ll have deserved that
but now I can’t accord dignity
in addressin’ my old self
and this’ll only make sense
later on
to an old man
but old one,
that’s you or I mean me,
yer ruptured youth
is writin’ to you here
’cause we’re two different persons
you and me
and you know things
I’ve yet to live
but that’s cause
yer memory and you
are old old one
and there was a time
when I needed you
to talk to me
and tell me
how I got by things or
over ’em or
through ’em
but that’d be cheatin’
and I matured into that truth
but old one
young one
still needs you
’cause I need to know
I’m still gonna be me
but old me
and someone new to talk to
if only in my mind
when we’re one
so know yer youth
old one
and keep in touch
or get in touch
with this
young one
who needs not to know
you’re old old one
but old enough to remember being
young once
and writing to
yer old self
to hear if
you stayed
old
long enough
to receive this poem
written by
yer young one once
I wouldn’t say it’s one of my better efforts but it was what I was feeling and the way I was writing at the time. I’m sure there’s not a song to be made of it. If I had to reply to my young self I’d say “no comment” or “spoiler alert” because it would be cheating to help my young self out. I had problems and adversity but it made me who I am today and if I told myself to avoid all of those things then I’d be completely different and the truth is I’m fine being me.
I started reading through all of my poems around that time and found that some were good and some were bad but the bulk were mediocre and not worth repeating. I did find another poem written in December of 1986 that I thought I would post here along the line of Dear… Here’s “dear santa”: