SHAME ON YOU TOSHIBA, EXCEPT AL…MAYBE

May 3rd, 2012

     I wanted to call this blahg “Toshiba Sucks” or “Toshiba–To Hell In A Handbasket”.  Scott Henderson still thinks he's cool!It wasn’t that I thought my readers (do I have readers?) would not get the play on words on that last one but rather that I want to give Toshiba some more time to resolve this issue or more rope with which to hang themselves.  After all, it’s not my reputation on line here, it’s the good name of Toshiba that’s at stake. 

     Before I get too far ahead with this blahg, let me clarify that I’m not a pessimist.  The glass is neither half full or half empty with me; it’s a glass and that means it can be broken and someone can be injured.  I know that in previous blahgs that I’ve been quick to point blame or fault where it is due.  In the past I’ve blamed David Letterman for breaking my cookie and cell phone users for ruining my movie going experience.  To my own defense, I have also given praise where it is due.  I’ve given accolades to Frank Sinatra, Jerry Lewis, and Margaret Ann & The Ja-Da Quartet.  I’ve also praised Whirpool for my new washing machine.  If you are scratching your head at this point then it’s because you haven’t read my previous blahgs.  Do yourself a favor and look back through my archives.  There’s some fun reading there.  All that aside, I can compliment just as easily as condemn.  I wanted to make sure that was straight before I began my latest tirade. 

     Back in December, on Boxing Day to be precise, I bought a new Blu-Ray Player.  I’m not an overly big fan of Blu-Ray and there’s been a great deal of material released on Blu-Ray that is sub-standard.  The only reason I made the investment was there are some new materials being released with bonus material or special features that I cannot access on a regular DVD.  This purchase is actually the second Blu-Ray player that has come into our home.  The first was an inexpensive Seiki player BD660 that I purchased from Walmart.  Seiki BD660 Blu-Ray PlayerMy son had been bugging me about getting one and when this one came on sale at Walmart for about $50, I made the purchase and made him happy.  He quickly claimed it for his room and occasionally it was allowed to make an appearance in the living-room when he wanted to watch something on the big screen.  It really didn’t matter because I hadn’t begun to purchase that many Blu-Ray discs and if I had something, then Noah was gracious enough to lend me back the Seiki that I had paid for. 

     The Seiki served its purpose until I began to acquire more Blu-Ray discs and the player begand to spend more time downstairs and Noah began to spend more time complaining about the situation.  So, to get back to the story, I purchased a new Blu-Ray player for our main room.  The source, which used to be Radio Shack, had a sale on the Toshiba Blu-Ray Player BDX2155KC. 
Toshiba BDX2155KC Blu-Ray PlayerIt looked liked a decent player and it certainly was a decent price.  I enjoyed the player right away because it had a feature that I really wanted in a player.  If you take a close look at the back of this Toshiba Player then you will see that there is a USB port where you can connect a USB Flash Drive.  This is very important because it allows me to play content that I have downloaded from the Internet. 

     I don’t want to get into the legality or illegality of downloaded content.  I have discussed this all before in my blahg, “The Death of A Big One”.  I detailed how I have had to download current TV shows because I live in the country and get 4 channels.  Not all current shows air on any of those channels.  One of my new favorites,”Smash”, about the struggle to put on a Broadway musical about Marilyn Monroe, has started airing on CTV2 after first airing on CTV.  CTV is one of the 4 channels I do get and when they switched “Smash” to CTV2 then I had to start downloading the new episodes.  Shame on you CTV and CTV2 and your parent companies…but that’s another story.  I download some new shows like “Smash” & “Psych” and some older classic movies that have never been released on DVD.  

     The important thing to understand about downloading video content from the Internet is that the content can come in different formats.  There is the standard AVI or DivX format that most regular DVD Players can play and then there are the MP4, MKV, WMA, MPEG formats that regular DVD players cannot display.  If you don’t understand these formats then research them because I don’t have the time nor inclination to do that in this blahg.  My new Toshiba Player has the ability to play all of these formats.  All I need to do is put the downloaded content on my USB Flash Drive, plug the Drive into the back of the Toshiba and then we’re away to the races…or the movies in this case. 

     That’s how it’s supposed to work.  I have a normal DVD Player with a USB Port in the front and if just want to watch a TV show or movie in AVI format then I can just use the USB Thumb Drive in this player and watch the content.  When it’s any of the other formats, mentioned above, then I have to use my Toshiba.  Let me be clear that the Toshiba has no problems playing any of the content in those formats.  The problem is that if the show or movie is longer than 30 minutes then the Toshiba shuts down.  It powers off right at the 30 minute mark.  That’s a pain.  Imagine trying to watch an hour or longer show or a movie and, just when things get interesting, the Toshiba turns itself off.  Here’s my description of that feeling/experience:  arrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhh!  Do I make myself clear? 

     I knew that this wasn’t normal.  I can play a DVD or Blu-Ray disc in the Toshiba without a problem.  The movie or show on the disc will play from beginning to end without interruption.  Use the USB and the Toshiba shuts down after 30 minutes.  I checked through the manual and the only thing that I could find that applied to this problem was a note in the section about Screen Saver Duration:  “The unit shuts down automatically in about thirty minutes if it remains idle and no activities are made.”  I checked the on screen menu settings and the maximum time at which you can set the screen saver is 30 minutes.  There is also the option to disable the screen saver.  This does nothing.  With the screen saver disabled, the Toshiba still shuts down after 30 minutes when playing content from a USB Drive.  The only way that I discovered to avoid the shutdown is to pause the show or movie before 30 minutes and then resume play.  If the show is one hour then I only have to pause it once but if it’s a two hour movie then I have to pause the Toshiba three or more times.  Again, certainly not a normal procedure for a Blu-Ray player.  

     I struggled with this problem for a few months.  I tried searching the Internet for a solution but to no avail.  I was resolved that the Toshiba was not functioning properly.  Finally, when I had some time, on April 4th, I telephoned Toshiba support for the first time.  I wish I had had the foresight to record all of these conversations or to document the names of all of the people I spoke to at Toshiba.  The first time I called, I spoke to someone who didn’t really understand what I was trying to tell him.  I’m sure it was a language issue because Toshiba has clearly outsourced their technical support as everyone I spoke to subsequently, with the exception of Al (who will come up again later), had a foreign accent.  I’m not knocking that.  I worked for Hewelett Packard for a while troubleshooting their printers and some of their technical support was outsourced to India and The Philippines.  There were many great technicians in those countries handling complex issues.  The problem lies with Toshiba, in this case, in making sure their agents are qualified or well-trained in technical troubleshooting and appropriate customer service. 

     The first agent, as I said, had a hard time grasping the technical problem I was having with his company’s product.  He put me on hold three or four times to check with his supports and each time he came back he would reiterate my problem but he would keep saying that my problem was that the Blu-Ray player would shut down after 30 minutes whether I played Blu-Ray discs or USB content.  I kept having to clarify that the problem was only with the USB content.  After the last time he had put me on hold, he came back and told me that they had determined that this Toshiba Player was malfunctioning and that they would need to replace it.  They had all of my contact information and the serial number of the Player and there was no conversation about the Warranty.  I never questioned the Warranty anyway because the manual clearly stated there was a full one year Warranty on the unit.  The agent explained that I would receive an email detailing how they would be replacing the BDX2155KC.  That was the end of the conversation I had with that agent other than that he provided me with a reference number. 

     More than a week passed and I received no emails from Toshiba.  On April 13th, I phoned Toshiba once more and had to explain everything all over again to a new agent.  When you first speak to these agents, they want the serial number of the Player to determine if the product is still in Warranty.  This was the same procedure we used at Hewlett Packard.  I learned early on however to just quote my reference number so they could quickly pull up my file.  With this second agent, I did have to explain the problem again and to explain that a previous agent had told me the unit would be replaced but I had not received an email communicating any of the necessary details.  It was clear that the first agent had not put any of this in his notes because the second agent could find no reference to a replacement.  He put me on hold to speak to his Supervisor and then came back and told me they couldn’t help me because my Player was out of Warranty.  I explained that I had only purchased it at the end of December and with a full one year warranty, the unit could not be out of Warranty.  I had even gone online and registered the Blu-Ray player shortly after purchasing it.  Why didn’t they have a record of this?  Surely, they could look up the manual themselves and see what I could see about the Warranty:  Toshiba BDX2155KC Blu-Ray Player Warranty

There was not question in my mind about the Warranty. 

     The agent had to put me on hold a few times as he tried to update the Warranty.  I offered to fax or email a copy of the receipt from The Source but he told me it was not necessary.  Finally, after numerous times of putting me on hold, he told me he was escalating my case to a Supervisor and that I would receive a callback to resolve this issue.  I should have started balking at this point but I didn’t have any reason to suspect I would not receive a return call from someone higher up at Toshiba. 

     Jump ahead a week.  It’s now April 20th and no one has called me back and still no emails and still the Player is shutting down after thirty minutes when playing content from the USB Drive.  Again, I get a new agent and have to provide the case number and I have to detail the problem again and the previous conversations with previous agents.  This new agent does not question the Warranty so I assume the Warranty issue has been resolved.  This time I’m only on hold once before he comes back and says he will be escalating me to a Supervisor and that I’m to hold the line for the Supervisor.  While transferring me to the Supervisor, the call disconnects.  I wait an hour and no one calls me back.  I call again and get yet another agent and provide my reference number and a back story detailing my issues with the Blu-Ray Player and my issues with all of the previous agents.  I am immediately connected to a Supervisor and the call does not disconnect.  I have to provide all details and history again to this Supervisor.  I am told by this Supervisor that his records indicate that they have already replaced this unit.  What!?  Previous agents couldn’t find anything in the notes about a promise to replace the Player yet this Supervisor tells me they have a record that they have already replaced the BDX2155KC.  I am very insistent that the unit has not been replaced and that I’m very disappointed with the customer service that I have received to this point.  The Supervisor apologizes, like every agent before him has apologized, and promises that he will get this resolved by escalating my case to Customer Service.   Again I’m assured a callback.  Again, the callback never comes. 

     April 27th, a week later, three weeks since I started calling Toshiba, I place a call to Toshiba and get yet another Agent who is unfamiliar with my case.  This time, I begin recording times, names, and what I’m being told.  Here’s the timeline from April 27th: 

     1:15pm:  I speak to Phil and provide my case number, explain the problem with Player, detail my frustration with Toshiba and the lack of support I have received to date.  I ask for a Supervisor.  Phil says it will be a ten minute wait on hold for a Supervisor.  I am placed on hold at 1:30pm. 

     1:55pm:  Someone named Victor comes on the line.  I ask if he is a Supervisor.  He explains that he is not a Supervisor and it becomes apparent that after 25 minutes on hold I was routed back to another front line technical support agent.  I provide the case number and case history so he doesn’t have to read through all of the notes.  Victor explains that he only troubleshoots issues and customers from the United States and that because I am in Canada, he cannot help me.  I request a Supervisor.  Victor becomes belligerent and says I cannot speak to a Supervisor because he does not provide support to Canadian customers.  I become belligerent and complain about the poor support and service I have received from Toshiba.  Victor does not apologize but maintains he cannot help me because I am Canadian.  I demand his employee #.  He tells me his ID # is 1326932.  I have requested this number because I want to report this agent and make sure he is properly trained in Customer Service etiquette.  I then demand to be transferred to someone who can help me. 

     2:06pm:  I am transferred yet again to a front line agent but this time to someone who services Canadians.  His name is Karl.  Again I offer up the reference number and case history and overall dissatisfaction with Toshiba.  I also explain the inappropriateness of Victor, the US only support agent and that I would be happy to provide his ID #.  Apparently this is not necessary.  I don’t push the Victor issue.  I ask for a Supervisor.  Karl tries to be helpful and wants to troubleshoot the original issue about the unit shutting down after 30 minutes.  I thought this might be useful because no one else had tried to do that since the first agent back on April 4th.  Karl does not place me on hold but his answers are not helpful and are not correct.  He explains that the BDX2155KC does not support playback of any video file formats other than MPEG files.  I read to him from the manual:  USB Supported Content for BDX2155KC

Again, I fail to understand why Toshiba agents do not have access to the same information as I.  It’s in the manual.  Nowhere in the manual does it say that MPEG files are the only supported USB content for video files.  I thank Karl for trying and request a Supervisor.  I am placed on hold again. 

     2:23pm:  I have been on the phone for more than an hour and have spoken to three different people and been transferred three times.  A female voice comes on the line this time.  Her name is Karen.  I explain all problems and frustrations.  Again, I receive apologies.  She explains she is escalating my case to a Case Manager.  I know about Case Managers.  We had them with Hewlett Packard.  When a Supervisor cannot resolve a case then it is escalated to a Case Manager.  I am asked to hold the line.  Here we go again. 

     2:37pm:  It’s the old waiting game.  New voice.  Another man.  This person identifies himself as Al and that he is a Case Manager.  This is the first time I’ve spoken to someone without an accent.  Again, not an issue.  I detail everything to Al.  I don’t press the Victor issue.  Again, I receive an apology.  I’m a little snippy with Al and tell him that apologies don’t mean anything if the same things keep happening again.  I ask him if this is how customer service is supposed to be.  He says “no”.  I tell him that’s the correct answer.  Al asks if he can call me back in ten minutes because he has to review the manual and find out why the unit is shutting down after thirty minutes.  I refuse the callback.  I explain that Toshiba’s track record with callbacks is very poor and I’m not going through that again.  Al says he has to have time to review the manual.  I ask him what does he need to know because I have the manual in front of me.  I cite passages about the screen saver and the shutdown feature.  I explain about supported content and tell him where he can find it in the manual.  He still presses for the callback because he needs to investigate this himself.  I concede.  He promises me it will only be ten minutes.  I’m off the phone with Al at 2:47pm. 

     3:12pm:  Al calls me back.  It’s been 25 minutes.  Another promise not kept.  Al explains that he can find no reason to explain why the unit is shutting down during USB content playback.  He says that Toshiba will replace my BDX2155KC with a newer BDX2300. 
Toshiba BDX2300 Blu-Ray PlayerAgain, a promise of replacement. Al says that he doesn’t currently have any of the BDX2300s at his location in Toronto and would I wait for them to be shipped to Toronto from Vancouver.  This is the first time I realize I’m speaking to another Canadian.  I tell him that I can wait.  I’ve waited this long.  I’m off the phone with Al by 3:17.  I think that I’ve finally reached a resolution. 

     3:25pm:  Al calls me back.  Will wonders never cease?  Two callbacks from this guy and only one was expected.  Bad news.  Al says that they cannot send me a replacement because my BDX2155KC is out of warranty.  I wanted to blast Al about this but he’s been nice up to this point.  I explain to Al that I had already gone through all of this before and my receipt shows I purchased it on December 26th, 2011 and the manual says I have a full one year warranty.  He asks if anyone had asked me to fax a copy of the receipt.  I tell him no, but that I offered and was told that it wasn’t necessary.  Cut to the chase.  Al asks me to fax a copy of my receipt to him and he will update the Warranty.  He also promises to send the BDX2300 directly to me from Vancouver by UPS rather than having to wait for it to arrive in Toronto and then relayed on to me.  I get off the phone, fax the receipt to Al, and that’s the last I hear from anyone with Toshiba.

     It hasn’t been a week yet but I’ve heard nothing from Al or Toshiba.  I’m assuming everything is fine and the Warranty has been updated and I will soon receive the BDX2300.  Stay tuned.

Tags: , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

I SHINED JERRY LEWIS’ SHOE

April 22nd, 2012

      Scott Henderson still thinks he's cool!I am a huge Jerry Lewis fan.  This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate.   With a nod to Charles Dickens, from whom I stole that line, I will relate to you something wonderful that happened to me a week ago. 

     First, let me back up 30 years.  I graduated from Quinte Secondary School in Belleville, Ontario, Canada in June of 1982.  Nothing about that is really significant but in my High-school yearbook, next to my photo, was printed the caption Scott Henderson is voted “most likely to shine Bob Hope’s shoes”.  It was published at the suggestion of my friend Bryan who wanted to see something unique listed next to my mug shot.  I guess, ‘most likely to succeed’ or ‘most likely to sire 100 children’ was already taken. 

     Let me tell you that a legacy to shine a celebrity’s shoes are tough shoes to fill.  Sorry, I couldn’t resist.  After all, Quinte Secondary School and I were about as far removed from Bob Hope as you can get.  The truth is, I never got within 100 feet, kilometers, or miles of Bob Hope within his lifetime and mine.  Bob Hope’s lifetime spanned 100 years and he passed away in 2003.  The closest I ever got to him was seeing Dave Thomas, of SCTV & Bob & Doug McKenzie fame, at a fan convention in Toronto three years ago.  Dave Thomas does the world’s greatest Bob Hope imitation.  I actually saw a video interview with Bob Hope and Dave Thomas several years ago where Bob Hope stated that Dave Thomas was the only one who could do a proper imitation of Hope.  A further accolade to Thomas is that he was chosen to do a Bob Hope voice over for the Academy Awards a couple years ago when they did a tribute to Bob Hope.  When I met Thomas at the convention, he was signing autographs but not interacting with fans. 
Noah & I getting Dave Thomas' Autograph in 2009My son and I stood in line for his autograph and when we got to his table, I told my son, loudly enough for Thomas to hear, that this man was the greatest Bob Hope imitator.  Thomas looked up a little surprised then said in his best Bob Hope voice “that’s what the man said.”  You can see Noah and I in the photo to the left with Dave Thomas at the very moment I pointed my finger and gave Thomas credit for his Hope imitation.   My son and I were very pleased.  No one else had received any reaction from Thomas. 

     I never shined Bob Hope’s shoes.  I don’t know why Bryan set me up like that.  I was, after all, a bigger Jerry Lewis fan although I have several DVDs of Bob Hope movies and several books by or about Bob Hope.  My dedication to Jerry Lewis is probably a little deeper.  After Hope passed away, I remember telling Bryan that I would probably have to set my sights on Jerry’s shoes.  My fascination with Jerry Lewis has been constant for many years.  There are many people who don’t get his type of comedy and don’t see the appeal.  They often point to one thing or another about his personal life that they insist should tarnish the image of the man.  I don’t really care about all of that.  Jerry Lewis, for me,  is that image in his films or television appearances. 

     I’ve read three books about Jerry.  The first was by Richard Gehman, entitled “That Kid:  The Story of Jerry Lewis”.  That Kid: The Story of Jerry LewisIt’s an interesting read but only significant up to its publication date of 1964.  It focuses greatly on some touring he did to promote the release of “The Nutty Professor” and more so on preparation for his ill-fated 1960s talk/variety show. 

     King of Comedy. The Life and Art of Jerry LewisThe second book, “King of Comedy, The Life and Art of Jerry Lewis”, by Shawn Levy in 1997 was a great read.  Here was a well researched book that even included excerpts from interviews with Jerry.  It’s not meant to be a hatchet job or a fawning opus.  There’s dirt and there’s flowers throughout the book and it really delves into who Jerry Lewis is and how he developed into the person he has become.  I highly recommend it. 

     Jerry’s own book “Dean & Me (A Love Story)” is exactly what the title says it is:  it’s a love story about the relationship between Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin.  Dean & Me (A Love Story)Maybe it’s a little one sided because Dean Martin died in 1995; more than ten years before the publication of this book in 2006.  Somehow, though, Jerry doesn’t meander on or give us treacle.  The book is heartfelt and it’s an insight into a great relationship from the viewpoint of one of the partners.  Maybe it’s colored or jaded or whatever but Jerry does a great job and, if nothing else, it lets us in on the secrets and the success and the problems with Martin & Lewis. 

     So, I approach Jerry Lewis with bias.  I have read two great books and one good one.  I’ve also seen almost all of his films.  As a DVD collector, 2012 has been a great year so far with the release of several great Jerry Lewis films.  The first three months alone, saw the release of “Rock-a-Bye Baby”, “The Geisha Boy”, “Boeing Boeing”, “It’s Only Money” and “Who’s Minding The Story”.  The Jazz Singer - Jerry LewisMore significantly there was a DVD release of “The Jazz Singer” which was a 1959 television drama that has never been seen since its original airing.  It’s the classic story, done brilliantly before by Al Jolson, Danny Thomas, and even Neil Diamond, of a performer who shuns the interest of his Cantor father to continue in the family tradition at the local synagogue.  I came across an audio clip from Jerry explaining why he feels that this type of production isn’t made anymore: 

JERRY LEWIS TALKS ABOUT THE JAZZ SINGER
THE FALSEDUCKS BLAHG


     I could probably go on and on about the great and not so great Jerry Lewis material out there but then this blahg wouldn’t get finished.  I am just hoping that the release of material continues and Jerry gets his due on store shelves.  One more thing on the release of “The Jazz Singer”, which will bring this blahg back to where it should be going, Jerry Lewis did some promotion for this DVD release and was signing copies of the DVD in Los Angeles.  Up to that point, I had not heard that Jerry was actually making public appearances anymore.  The closest he ever got to me was about ten years or so ago when he had a one man show “An Evening With Jerry Lewis” that played in Toronto.  I’m two and a half hours away from Toronto and I couldn’t swing it at that time. 

     Jump ahead to 2012.  Thirty years had passed since my high-school graduation and that Bob Hope’s shoes remark had been attributed to my picture in the yearbook.  I’m driving in the car and listening to the top ten at ten on AM 740.  I’ve mentioned this radio station before, out of Toronto, and you can listen to it live at:  http://zoomerradio.ca.  The top ten on that day was dedicated to 1965 and the announcer, before going to a commercial break, gave a hint regarding the number one song.  His clue was that the song was by the son of a famous comedian and that the father would be appearing at Casino Rama in Orillia, just north of Toronto, in April.  I quickly struggled to guess the song and the singer before the program resumed.  The only name I could think of from the 1960s who had a father that was a famous comedian was Gary Lewis and the song would be “This Diamond Ring.”  As I began to think of the possibility, I excitedly wondered if this meant that Gary Lewis’ father Jerry Lewis would be coming back to Canada.  After the commercial, my suspicions were confirmed.  The top song was that one by Gary Lewis and this meant that I had the possibility of getting to see Jerry Lewis! 

     When I finally got home and could check Casino Rama’s website, it was confirmed for me.  Jerry Lewis was playing Casino Rama on April 13th.  I was, to say the least, extremely excited.  I called my friend Bryan and mentioned that Jerry Lewis was coming and that he and I had to go and see him.  Of course Bryan shared my enthusiasm.  The excitement, however, became tainted when I mentioned to my wife about going to see Jerry with Bryan.  I was immediately informed that if I was going to go away overnight to see Jerry that I was going to take her.  We’re celebrating our 25th anniversary this year so the request was clearly not a request.  Bryan understood but I’m still sure that his disappointment hasn’t waned.  He has since said he is not really a big Jerry Lewis fan but I think that’s a lie and he’s just trying to make me feel better about choosing my wife over him.  If you think I’m going to rethink my decision….YOU’RE WRONG!  (my wife might be reading this). 

     When tickets went on sale, I was quickly online at the Casino Rama website because I wanted decent seats.  Jerry Lewis Tickets for Casino RamaI wanted to be able to see Jerry and get as close to him as I could.  All sorts of things were going through my mind.  Could I get close enough to the stage for him to see me?  Would he be signing autographs?  What if I could meet him?  I’ll be honest, the thought of shining his shoes never crossed my mind.  I don’t know what the happier moment was for me:  when the tickets arrived by mail and they were in my hand or the moment when I heard Jerry Lewis was coming.  I knew that seeing him live or alive would top both of these experiences. 

     Let me say that attending the event was a joy!  We drove three and a half hours and when Jerry stepped out on that stage, I was like a school kid.  I remember elbowing my wife and squealing “there he is” with great delight.  Jerry’s 86 years old and that did not stop him from putting on a fantastic show.  He told some great jokes and sang a few great songs.  One of the musical highlights was his version of “Old Black Magic” that he originally performed in “The Nutty Professor”.  The crowd went wild.  Fortunately, someone captured that moment and it’s available on Youtube. 

    I didn’t bring a camera myself because I thought they would be banned and I didn’t want to be ejected from the event.  Jeanette and I had great seats and we could see Jerry very well and there were two large screens next to the stage that allowed even better views.  These were used for close-ups of the performance and to show clips from Jerry’s movies.  For some reason, Jerry made reference to Henny Youngman, the king of one-liners, being from a Canada and showed a clip of Jerry, Alan King, and another comic in a salute to Youngman.  It was hilarious and I wish I could find that clip online but I haven’t had any success.  I’ll keep looking.  By the way, Henny Youngman was born in the United Kingdom.  Well, Canada is part of the Commonwealth so I guess I can forgive Jerry that inaccuracy. 

     I mentioned earlier about the release of “Who’s Minding The Store” on DVD.  In that film, Jerry did a great gag of typing on an imaginary typewriter while keeping in time with the music and sound effects.  It’s a very funny gag and one that Jerry performed at Casino Rama last week.  He never missed a beat while performing it last week and the audience at it up.  I don’t have video of that performance but here’s a video of the original gag from the movie.  The man is a genius! 


     Jerry Lewis had people in stitches the whole evening.  Some of the jokes I heard him do before.  There is a great VHS of “An Evening With Sammy Davis & Jerry Lewis” from 1988.  Jerry repeated some of the jokes from that appearance.  In the video, Jerry and Sammy are a delight.  AN EVENING WITH SAMMY DAVIS JR. & JERRY LEWISSammy sings and dances and Jerry does his schtick.  They have individual sets but when they get together or Jerry interrupts Sammy, the show is the thing.  If you can track down a copy of the video, sorry no DVD release yet, then you’re in for a treat.  This pairing, like Dean and Jerry, will never happen again. 

     All of the jokes, gags, and songs Jerry performed at Casino Rama were very memorable but Jerry Lewis did something I have never seen another performer do before or since (although that was last week and I haven’t seen any other concerts in that time).  Half way during the show, Jerry sat down in a director’s chair and took questions from the audience!  I couldn’t believe it.  I wasn’t sure I would have the opportunity to get close to Jerry but here was my chance.  I wasn’t the first one out of my seat because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to ask Jerry.  I got in line because I knew that something would come to me and I certainly wasn’t going to miss this chance of a lifetime. 

     Many of the questions asked by others that night are a bit of a blur.  I do recall that most of them appeared to be fawning idiots who just wanted to thank Jerry for everything he had done.  Others asked for autographs and were referred to see Security after the show.  None of us knew if these requests would be honored.  I had been toying with asking Jerry if there would be any new DVD releases in the near future because I really was interested in knowing the answer. 

     At some point, while waiting my turn in the long line, the shining of the shoes came back to haunt me.  Was this appropriate to ask?  What would be his reaction?  When it came my turn I stepped up to the microphone and said “Hello Jerry, my name is Scott, and when I was in High School they printed next to my picture in the yearbook that I was voted most likely to shine Bob Hope’s shoes.  That bastard up and died on me so I’m wondering if I could shine your shoe?”  That’s right, I said ‘shoe’, singular.  I was so excited by what I was saying and that I was actually saying it to Jerry Lewis that my mouth went dry towards the end and I could only utter shoe when I came to the end of my speech.  Jerry’s reaction was priceless.  He had just taken a drink of water and out it came in a spray when he heard my request.  He sputtered and said “I had to ask.”  I had cracked up Jerry Lewis and the audience.  I was laughing too.  I never did get a direct answer from Jerry but the interchange between us was palpable.

     I thought that was it.  I had made my appearance and others came up to the microphone and asked their questions.  I don’t think anyone topped my request.  But the question still remained:  How was I going to get to shine Jerry’s shoe?  After the performance, and what a performance, many audience members worked their way to the right of the stage where members of Security stood.  Many had brought books or DVDs or records for Jerry to sign.  They all were jostling with Security hoping to get backstage to have their items signed.  Someone took some of the items backstage and said they would see what they could do to get the items autographed.  I just stood among them.  I had nothing to sign.  I just wanted to shine Jerry’s shoe.  After 30 minutes, they began to take a few VIP ticket holders backstage and they eventually came out with small autographed photos.  Others who had sent items with Security were allowed backstage to retrieve their items.  About 20 of us without items stood in line hoping to get to see Jerry and have our tickets signed at least. 

     As I mentioned, there was a great deal of jostling from the 50 or so people hoping to be lucky enough to see Jerry and maybe get his autograph.  Some Security members doubted that Jerry would sign for long as he was old and tired.  I could only hope.  Eventually some people got tired of waiting and left.  After another twenty minutes, the remainder of us were allowed backstage.  We were told at this point that Jerry was very tired and that he would not be autographing tickets nor were photos allowed.  What about shoe shining, I wondered. 

     Jeanette joined me in line and we eventually were led to a room where Jerry sat in his director’s chair.  Most walked up and shook his hand.  Then it was my turn.  I shook his hand and reminded him that I was the one who wanted to shine his shoe.  He smiled and gestured to his shoe.  I got down on one knee and with my coat sleeve, I began to gently shine his left shoe.  I only shined the one shoe because I had only said ‘shoe’ and I didn’t want to press my luck and go for both.  I stood up, and without blinking an eye, I extended my palm and said “that will be a dollar.”  Jerry laughed and said “get out of here.”  It was a moment I won’t ever forget.  I had cracked up Jerry Lewis…twice. 

     Jeanette was behind me in line.  Neither of us had brought anything for Jerry Lewis to sign and we knew better than to ask him to sign our tickets after we were warned against it.  Jerry Lewis Autographs Jeanette's NotebookJeanette, however, had a small notebook in her purse and quickly offered a blank page to Jerry.  No fuss no muss.  Jerry signed it!  What class!  What style!  What an end to an extraordinary evening! 

     I may have never had the chance to sign Bob Hope’s shoes but I think this makes up for it.  I signed Jerry Lewis’ shoe.  It was only the left shoe but that leaves me with a goal for the right foot.  I’ll see him again, don’t you worry.  Long live Jerry Lewis!

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

THE BEST APRIL FOOL’S DAY JOKE I NEVER PLAYED

April 12th, 2012

     I have some time today so I’m going to trying and knock out this blahg.  Scott Henderson still thinks he's cool!It has been ten days since April Fool’s Day and I haven’t written a blahg since March 22nd.  That is no April Fool’s joke!  I meant to write a blahg earlier and even thought about having it come out on April 1st but I just couldn’t find the time.  Besides, if it came out on the first of April, you probably wouldn’t have believed it.

     My friend Glenda, or I should say our friend Glenda because she was my wife’s friend first, has the dubious distinction of being born on April 1st.  She also has the dubious distinction of having Henderson sideburns but if you look at my picture, you’ll see I haven’t kept my sideburns; I’ve barely kept my hair.  For those keeping track, I am not losing my hair, it is just becoming more and more transparent.  I digress.  Glenda was born on April Fool’s Day and she has Henderson sideburns despite being anything but a Henderson. 

     Glenda always had to be vigilant on her Birthday because many people tried to pull some type of joke on her to help her celebrate her natal day.  She was very vigilant indeed because when I met her in University, she maintained that no one had been able to slip anything past her on that day.  She also had certain restrictions that she believed applied about April Fool’s Day and that mainly all pranks had to be played before noon if they were to count.  I’m not sure if she made this up or if it’s the rule.  But then, who’s ever heard of April Fool’s Morning?  I’m digressing again. 

     This part of the narrative is not all that interesting and I’ll jump right to the point.  I managed to play a successful prank on Glenda on April 1st.  It wasn’t even all that great of a joke.  Over breakfast at the Dining Hall, I told her she had a spider crawling up her sweater.  I didn’t know she was severely afraid of spiders at the time or I wouldn’t have chosen that joke to play on her.  To say the least, she freaked.  She was also very angry with me.  It wasn’t just about the spider gag but that I had successfully ruined her track record of avoiding all shenanigans on her Birthday.  I will tell you that I didn’t push my luck and try again in the ensuing years.  My record with Glenda stands at one.  I told you that this part wasn’t all that interesting. 

     As you might have gleaned, I am a bit of a joker or jokester or whatever the correct terminology may be.  I am quick with my wits and if there’s a great opportunity for a gag or great retort, then I’m all over the situation.  I don’t remember all of the April Fool’s jokes that I’ve played or attempted to pull over the years but I’ll recite a couple.  Once, before our youngest was born in 1998, I told some co-workers that Jeanette was pregnant again and that I wasn’t too happy about it.  In fact, my wife Jeanette was pregnant at the time and Abbie arrived in December that year.  We just didn’t know Jeanette was pregnant that April.  The joke wasn’t all that funny in retrospect.  We had tried for a while to have a third child and it just wasn’t happening and I was getting very disappointed.  For me to use this as the focal point of a hoax made it even more compelling and the people at work soon bought into it.  It was pretty mild really.  I didn’t let it run the course of the day and when people discovered the truth they were disappointed because they knew how much I had hoped for a third child.  As I said, the joke was on me, Abbie was already on her way.  If Jeanette knew she was pregnant then she pulled the greatest April Fool’s joke by not telling me. 

     Another joke from that reoccurring April day, that I recall, also was delivered at work.  I was working for the Community Development Council of Quinte and we were working on a report about poverty in our region.  We came across the name of a small town in the outlying regions with which we were not familiar.  I began to do further research on the community only to find there was nothing really significant about the area.  I did not immediately share this information.  Instead, I drafted a phony letter from a government official in response to a request for information that I hadn’t really made.  The letter detailed how the community in question was a penal colony for persons who were caught cheating on their welfare applications.  Welfare is a form of government assistance offered to individuals and families who have no other source of income.  Our government, at that time, was overly concerned that these most marginalized of persons were cheating the system and acquiring funds to which they weren’t entitled.  The government’s over-zealousness on this issue later lead to their loss in the next election. 

     The fraudulent letter that I drafted was never meant to be taken seriously and I even included fake names in the document such as Dewey Chetham (Do We Cheat ‘Em) & Anne Howe (And How).  The insignia graphic I used on the letterhead even included naval objects such an anchor and life-preserver even though the community in question was land locked and the Government Ministry who drafted the letter was not genuine.  The contact phone number also spelled out April Fools if you checked the corresponding letter on a number key-pad.  My co-workers, however, bought it hook, line, and sinker.  They missed all the clues that suggested the letter was not genuine.  I had to let the cat out of the bag when they started protesting vehemently and were on the verge of phoning the number contained in the letter.  There was no disappointment in that joke.  Everyone thought it had been well played. 

     So you can see that I take April Fool’s Day seriously.  I sometimes take weeks to concoct the perfect prank.  One year, however, I didn’t play an April Fool’s joke and that backfired on me.  I don’t know why I hadn’t taken advantage of the day to pull one over on my co-workers.  I know that they had expected something but it never came.  The following day was quite different and didn’t work in my favor.  That April 2nd was a normal work day and according to my morning ritual, I dropped off our two oldest children at the home of some friends down the road. 

     I had to be at work early and these friends had two daughters who went to the same school.  They agreed to put my children on the bus with theirs so that I could be at work on time.  On the way to Bruce and Jane’s (the names of our friends in case you were interested), I encountered a strange situation.  Their house was ten minutes down the road and there were only a handful of houses and a campground between our two homes.  Passing the campground, I spied an ostrich walking on the road in the direction that I was driving.  Yes, I said an ostrich.  This part is all true.  My children were reading books and when I cried out that there was an ostrich on the road, they didn’t even look up.  They both believed this was my missed April Fool’s Day joke.  Only when I slowed the van, did they look up from their books to find that I had been telling the truth. 

     The ostrich kept his pace trotting in my front of my vehicle for about half a kilometer and then he ran off down a side road just past the campground.  We all were stunned and didn’t know what to think of it all.  I continued on down our road and after a bend in the road, I encountered an older man and a young girl wrestling with another ostrich.  I rolled down the window and informed the gentleman that there was another ostrich down the road.  He yelled at me that he knew that and would I please just go.  I guess when you’re wrestling an ostrich you don’t have much patience and manners are the first thing to go.  Ostriches in the WinterBy then, I had guessed that there must be an ostrich farm somewhere nearby.  I took the fellow’s advice and continued on to Bruce and Jane’s and dropped off my children.  I left it to my children to tell our friends about our strange encounter. 

     At work, I recounted my morning experience only to have no one believe a word.  Frankly, I wouldn’t have believed it if it didn’t happen to me.  I tried all day to convince my co-workers of the ordeal with the ostriches to no avail.  They, like my children, were certain that this was the prank that should have been played the day before but I had waited to make it more convincing.  My wife call at lunch time, as she always did, to see if there were any issues with the children because she was the one who always picked them up from Bruce and Jane’s on her way home.  She also did not believe my ostrich tale.  I urged her to check with the children and ask them what happened on the way to school that morning.  I was sure that when she did that, the children would lend credence to my story.    

     When I arrived home that evening, my wife informed me that the children had not told her anything about ostrich’s when questioned about their ride to school.  I was flabbergasted.  Here was a great experience that no one believed had happened.  I wasn’t sure why my children didn’t back up my claims.  I called them into my wife and I and asked them what happened on the way to school.  They replied that nothing had happened and it was a normal journey as usual.  Again I was flabbergasted.  I mentioned the ostriches and asked why they didn’t recall them from this morning.  Their answers were simplicity.  The experience with the ostriches did not happen on the way to school.  The ostrich encounter had happened on the way to Bruce and Jane’s.  So when questioned about their ride to school they thought they were being asked about the bus ride which had been uneventful.  It’s all about the questions you ask.

    Eventually I was vindicated with my wife.   It took longer with my co-workers.  I had to eventually bring one of the children to work to corroborate my story.  I could have said they were elephants instead of ostriches for all they believed me.  I am glad, however, that they weren’t elephants.  I never did find out where the ostrich farm was but for a few days after this event, a ball of feathers lay dead on the ice near the campground.  Obviously one of the ostriches had made it that far and had died there.  I had noticed it but didn’t know where I could report it.  If it had been an elephant, it would have gone through the ice and the no one would have been any the wiser.  At least I was…wiser that is.  I’ve since curbed my April Fool’s Day jokes.  How can you even top the joke that you never played?

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

FRANK SINATRA, BILL BAILEY, & A LITTLE CRAZY IN THE HEAD

March 22nd, 2012

     Where has the time gone?  More than a month and no new blahg?  Scott Henderson still thinks he's cool!Awwwk!  I know, that’s a strange noise to make, and I’m sure I didn’t spell it correctly, but that’s the best I can do at this point.  I have been so busy this past month that I haven’t had time to write a blahg and if I had the time, I was probably too tired.  I won’t make any more excuses and I won’t make any more strange noises except caw caw.  That’s even stranger but last week when we were in Toronto, I amused my thirteen year old daughter by randomly making that bird like noise in public to see if anyone would notice.  No one did.  Now on to the blahg. 

     This blahg is going to be an update to two previous blahgs and a little something extra thrown in.  Right about now you’re probably wondering what I mean by “a little crazy in the head.”  If you’ll stay with me, I’ll get there.  First, let’s jump back to last September and the first blahg that I posted.  You may recall that the title of that first blahg was “THE BLAHG AND THE MOST HAPPY SOUND”.  If you can’t remember back that far, and believe me that I have those days, then you can just jump back and check out that blahg here:  http://falseducks.com/theblahg/?p=5.  The ‘Most Happy Sound’ of that blahg referred to the title album by Margaret Ann & The Ja-Da Quartet.  I reviewed that album and offered a couple of tracks for your listening pleasure.  I also noted two single 45 rpm releases by the same group but that I did not have a copy of one of these which included ‘Secret’ backed with ‘Bill Bailey, Won’t You Please Come Home’.  I know this is a bit of a cheat because I have actually gone ahead and updated that blahg but if you’re only reading my new blahgs, and boy did you have to wait a while for a new one, then you probably didn’t know that first blahg has been updated. 

     I won’t dwell too much on this part of the update but I had previously reviewed “Secret” and commented that it sounded like a late 50s/early 60s vocal group.  Secret/Bill Bailey, Won't You Please Come Home 45 rpmThe flip side is completely different. “Bill Bailey, Won’t You Please Come Home” harkens back to the LP ‘The Most Happy Sound’. Here we have that roaring 20s jazz and swing coming through.  Give it a listen: 

Now on to the second update.  I’m happy to say that Frank Sinatra is in the house!  I guess I should clarify that in case a few of you believe I am a little crazy in the head and believe Sinatra is haunting me or at the very least that I’m hallucinating.  This reference goes back to another blahg that I wrote back in January of this year.  The title of that blahg was “THIS SPOT RESERVED FOR THE 2011 CARLTON CARDS SINATRA ORNAMENT.”  Again, if you haven’t read that blahg, then you can check it out here http://falseducks.com/theblahg/?p=14. All of my Sinatra OrnamentsIn that blahg, I detailed my frustration in finding the 2011 Carlton Cards Sinatra ornament to complete my collection that I started with the first release in 1999.  I also exhibited a picture of my incomplete collection.  That picture was in error because it only displayed 10 of the 11 releases (not including the missing 2011 ornament) and also did not include the Hallmark release in 2009 when there was no Carlton Cards Sinatra ornament.  The picture at left now shows all of the ornaments; including the 2011 ornament. 

     The point of my original blahg was to draw attention to the missing ornament in my collection.  My 2011 Carlton Cards Sinatra OrnamentSince that blahg I have now acquired the 2011 ornament and I want to comment a little on it.  As I have mentioned (come on, read that blahg already so I don’t have to keep repeating everything), the 2011 ornament was withdrawn shortly after its initial release.  The two answers I received from American Greetings, the parent company of Carlton Cards, basically pointed to a production error.  If you look at the picture of my 2011 Carlton Cards Sinatra Ornament at left, you will notice that the skin coloring used for Sinatra seems to be quite dark.  Maybe this was the production error or maybe Sinatra had a really good tan that year.  Well, at least my collection is complete. 

     Now what about being crazy in the head?  I knew you’d get around to asking that again.  Well, the fact is it’s not really about being a little crazy in the head, although I will openly admit to that, but rather about ‘poco loco in the coco’ which translates that bit about being crazy in the head.  Let me explain a little more.  A couple weeks ago I was listening to my favorite AM Radio Station AM 740 out of Toronto.  In fact, it’s the only AM station that I do listen to.  Every morning from 10am to 11am they run the top ten at ten.  This particular week they were running down the top ten hits from that week in 1950.  Here’s how the list broke down:

10. / Enjoy Yourself / Guy Lombardo
9. / The Third Man Theme / Anton Karas
8. / Cry of the Wild Goose / Frankie Laine
7. / Rag Mopp / Ames Brothers
6. / I Said My Pajamas (and put on my prayers) / Tony Martin & Fran Warren
5. / It Isn’t Fair / Don Cornell
4. / There’s No Tomorrow / Tony Martin
3. / If I Knew You Were Comin’ (I’d’ve baked a cake) / Eileen Barton
2. / Chattanoogie Shoe Shine Boy / Red Foley
1. / Music Music Music / Teresa Brewer

You will notice that in the 3rd position was “If I Knew You Were Comin’ (I’d’ve Baked A Cake) by Eileen Barton.  I’m familiar with this tune and have heard various artists sing it.  It wasn’t extraordinary to me that the song was recorded by Ms. Barton but rather the flip side of that single caught my attention.  When the radio personalities of AM 740 began to make fun of the title of the opposite side track, I was a little startled.  The title of the flip side was “Poco Loco In The Coco.”  I knew this song!  I had only recently heard it for the first time a couple weeks before hearing this top ten list…and I have Frank Sinatra to thank for this. 

     In the mid-1950s, Sinatra had a fifteen minute radio show rightly entitled “To Be Perfectly Frank”.  On this show, he sang a song or two with a small combo and played platters by other artists.  At the beginning of this year, 2012, I decided to start listening again to material associated with Sinatra for every day of the year.  I have so many recordings, radio shows, and concerts that I have enough material to listen to something different for all 366 days (don’t forget the added bonus of February 29th this year).  For January 29th of this year, my selection was the To Be Perfectly Frank episode from January 29th, 1954. Besides crooning his own versions of “On The Sunny Side of The Street” & “Guess I’ll Hang My Tears Out To Dry”, Sinatra spun the wax version of Eileen Barton’s version of  “Poco Loco In The Coco.”  If you ask me, this should have been the hit because it’s a fun little number that jumps.  Here it is:  


Well that’s it for me.  I know that this is a little bit of an abrupt ending to this blahg but given the month I’ve had, I think I’m going to make “Poco Loco In The Coco” my theme song for the next little while.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

THE WASHING MACHINE

February 16th, 2012

     Here we go, two weeks later and another blahg.  Scott Henderson still thinks he's cool!These past few weeks have been filled with many trials and tribulations.  I’ve been fighting with my father over his health and now the struggle has started with my mother.  She has more aches and pains than anyone should have and more medication than anyone should legally own.  Her Doctor is a quack and I don’t care who knows it.  A late night call also resulted in a trip to the emergency room of the local hospital to deal with a gall-bladder attack with my mother which we thought was a heart attack.  Her Doctor had misdiagnosed her or missed a diagnosis would be more accurate.  The short of it is that I’m getting a new Doctor for my parents.  Oh, and our Washing Machine went on the fritz. 

     This blahg is not going to be about medical tribulations but the struggle with our Washing Machine.  I love my parents but I don’t want to air their medical history here…not yet anyway.  Let me be clear, that our struggle with our Washing Machine wasn’t all that intense or prolonged.  It just wouldn’t spin fast enough to release all the water from the clothes that had just been washed.  It’s a Kenmore and we’ve had it for 8 years.  I guess that’s pretty good in the term of Washing Machines but I was determined to don the handy-man hat and at least see if I couldn’t prolong the the life of the Machine. 

     You are probably wondering, at this point, why I keep capitalizing the word “Machine”.  It’s simple.  There are so many Machines in our lives and I’ve read so many stories and watched so  many movies where the Machines eventually revolt.  I’m being respectful.  I don’t want Killdozer happening all over again.  (By the way, that was a fun movie from my youth that I viewed again recently…from a short story by Theodore Sturgeon). 

     One thing you should know about me, is that I keep manuals for all of my appliances long after I no longer own the device.  When the Washing Machine started to suffer slower spinning speeds I believed it was a belt and kept putting off replacing it.  Finally, my wife prodded me enough to look up the model of our Machine and see if I couldn’t purchase a replacement belt.  I thought this would be an easy task because the Internet is vast and convenient and I was sure I could find a replacement belt and instructions on how to replace it.  Quick research however showed me that there was no belt in this model.  I checked that against the manual and list of parts in my manuals pile and sure enough, there’s no belt.  It’s all gear and motor driven in these confounded new devices (I didn’t really mean confounded in case anyone or anything is reading this). 

     My research via the Internet suggested that the poor spinning problem might be caused by one of three issues.  The first was drive motor to transmission coupling sleeves.  Original parts were all plastic or rubber but the replacements are metal for added strength.  Drive Motor to Transmission Coupling SleevesOne website even had a video that showed how to access these to see if they needed replacing.  I’m no repair person, and I bow to those who are, but the video was fairly simple and something I knew I could do with the help of my wife supervising (it would be foolish of me to suggest any other role for her to play…I bow to her too).  The major obstacle would not be accessing the location of these parts but easily accessing the Washing Machine. 

     I’ll digress for a moment here because the location of our laundry pair is significant because it will play a bigger part in the resolution of the Washing Machine dilemma.  Our bathroom has two closets.  The rear closet contains linens and the front closet houses our Washer and Dryer.  Both closets have bi-fold doors.  Bi-Fold Door To Our Laundry PairThe linen closet has a single bi-fold door but the laundry closet has two bi-fold doors that meet in the middle.  The laundry closet also contains a shelf with a hot water heater and all of the water and electrical hook-ups for the laundry duo.  This limits the size of what Machines can fit in the closet and have the door closed.  Width and height have never been issues but depth from back to front prevented us from…ah, but I’m getting ahead of myself. 

     Removing the left bi-fold door from in front of the Washing Machine was fairly easy.  It just required tilting the door and removing it from the tracks at top and bottom.  Following the steps laid out in the video for the Washer, I was able to easily access the couplings I needed to inspect.  The video suggested that the first thing I might notice would be rubber shavings beneath the machine as this occurs with time.  There were no shavings on the floor and when I inspected the coupling components, I found that they were in good shape and didn’t need replacing.  Step two required following another video, which I’ll detail momentarily, but it would require another day before I could get at this new part.  The major problem was replacing the bi-fold door.  I took 30 minutes, lots of jostling, and threats of injury, before my wife and I could re-secure the door. 

     As I said, the inspection of the second faulty part required another day.  The main reason for this was that the part, a clutch assembly, was a little more expensive and a little more difficult to replace.  Clutch AssemblyThe video for replacing this part suggested having a replacement clutch assembly on hand in case it needed to be replaced so that it did not need to be removed more than once.  $70 later, I had the part, the bi-fold door was removed again, and my wife was supervising.  I should note that when I purchased the part, I asked if I could return the part if I found that the original on the Machine did not need replacing and if I did not open the packaging.  I was assured a full refund and was given further advice that the problem with my Washer might be a faulty transmission and that I was to look for a ring of oil around the inside of the Machine or to feel the bottom of the transmission to see if oil was leaking from there.  This was good advice because I found a ring of oil around the Washer casing and it was leaking oil from the transmission.  I did follow the video and check the clutch assembly but those parts looked fine.  I returned the unopened new clutch assembly and received the full refund as promised.  I also researched the cost of a new transmission and informed my wife we would needed a new Washing Machine.  We left the bi-fold door off because we didn’t want to have to fight with it if we had to remove the old Washer and replace it with a newer model. 

     This is where things get complicated.  If you thought repairing anything was difficult, barring the struggle with removing and replacing the bi-fold door the first time, then you should consider that researching the purchase of a new Washing Machine is much more difficult.  We’ve always had a top loading machine but in the eight years since we purchased the Kenmore, front loading Washers have become more popular.  We thought about updating the Washer to one of these fancy front loaders but of course it wouldn’t match our Inglis Dryer which is a normal Dryer that we have had for 3 years.  We went first to view Washers at our local Future Shop.  If you don’t know what a Future Shop is, it’s the Canadian version of Best Buy except the real Canadian version of Best Buy does not carry appliances.  We had had success with Future Shop in the past and our Dishwasher, Dryer, Refrigerator, and Stove were all purchased there with great savings.  The salesperson was very nice but of course he was pushing us towards a new LG front loading Machine and spouting the benefits of this type compared to the top loading Machines.  Future Shop did not have any top loading Washers in the store.  Whirlpool Washing Machine Model # WTW4800XQOh, there was an empty spot in the appliance display where there had been a Whirlpool Washing Machine (model # WTW4800XQ) but they had none in stock and they had sold their floor model.  This intrigued me because out of stock and selling the floor model suggested to me that this might be a very popular Machine.  Certainly the price was right at $498 and Future Shop was going to pay all taxes…a savings of an additional $65. 

     The front loading LG Washing Machine that the salesperson suggested was also a good a model and a good deal with Future Shop paying the tax.  We did like the look of it and the details about the Machine but we were concerned about the dimensions of the Washer.  Height and width were fine but the depth was 32 inches and I wasn’t sure that this would fit where the old Washer was and that we could close the bi-fold door without hitting the front glass door of the Machine which sticks out a couple inches alone.  This was our excuse to not make a purchase at Future Shop that day and to be able to go home and do a little more research.  

     Our excursion to Future Shop was on the afternoon of February 5th.  I immediately came home and looked over the details of the LG Washing Machine they had in stock and the Whirlpool Washer that they couldn’t get us.  Both had their merits and there were good reviews for both.  The dimensions of the LG Machine suggested that it was going to be close when closing the bi-fold door.  The door might bang into the front loading door or have an inch clearance.  The dimensions of the Whirlpool Washer were well within range.  I should add that the Whirlpool had an agitator which is significantly different to the high efficiency top loaders that are essentially front loaders turned on their back.  Without an agitator in a top loading Machine then clothes don’t get as clean.  In fact, I read a review for the Whirlpool by a University Professor where he “made a conclusion that a top load washer lasts longer than front load type, even though it is less eco friendly. (But if we have to change the washer frequently, is it eco friendly?)…this washer is extremely satisfactory and washes very well. Also washing cycles are much shorter than front load ones. So, even though it uses more water, it saves electricity and lasts longer (hopefully) in addition to lower price.”  This review sold me on the Whirlpool. 

     Now we knew what type of Washing Machine we wanted but the problem was that Future Shop could not get us one.  I visited Future Shop’s website and found that they did have one in stock in another store and they could ship it to us for an additional $90 but we would also be paying the tax not only on the Washer but on the delivery fee as well!  That ended my long run of purchasing appliances from Future Shop.  I then began to check the websites for other local stores that carried appliances.  I found that our local Lowe’s carried the Whirlpool and the price was $448.  This was $50 less than Future Shop but I would have to pay the taxes and it would cost me $8 more in the end than if I purchased it at Futures Shop if they had stock.  Don’t get confused.  The Future Shop in store price was $498 (including tax) but the online price with delivery and taxes was going to be $664.  The Lowe’s deal was looking better and better. 

     It was still Sunday February 5th but by this time it was 5:20 PM.  I telephoned Lowe’s and asked if they had the Whirlpool in stock.  I was informed that they had two in stock and that the store closed at 6:00.  We live 30 minutes way from Lowe’s so I motored into Belleville and got to the store at 5:45.  Of course the person I spoke to on the phone had gone home but someone else told me they could sell me the Machine and they just had to retrieve it from the warehouse.  I waited 25 minutes before two people came out, now the minutes past the time the store was to have closed, only to be told they couldn’t find the Washer.  Their computer told them they had two in stock with one being the floor model.  They suggested I come back the next day and speak to the head of the appliances department and that he might have better luck finding the Washing Machine.  I thanked them for their effort and left the store.  I still had the old Washer with the spinning problem but I had so wanted to come home with the new one. 

     I did not go back to Lowe’s the next day because I wanted to check and see if any other store had this Washing Machine in stock.  I didn’t want to have to order one and wait a week to get it.  I checked out the websites for Sears, Leon’s, The Brick, and Home Depot but none of them had the Washer in stock in their local stores.  On Tuesday, February 7th, I visited the local Home Depot on an off-chance that they might have one in the store.  They didn’t even have a floor model for this Washer!  They did, however, have a sale on for all of their appliances where I could take an additional 10% off the ticket price.  With this incentive, I began to look seriously at the Washing Machines on display at Home Depot.  One, I really took a shine to was a front loader from Maytag, Model # MHWE400WW.  I cannot remember the exact price but it was already discounted by $200 and with the 10% discount the price would be around $600.  I wrote down the model number and went home to do more research on this Maytag. 

     I’m going to bring to a quick close this narrative about the Maytag MHWE400WW.  The reviews were not good and the clincher for me to avoid this Machine was the following Youtube video showing the Washer, apparently possessed, vibrating violently and eventually attacking the Dryer. It was Killdozer again or maybe Killwasher.

     We were still without a new Washing Machine.  I wanted the Whirlpool but couldn’t get it.  I then began to look at other top loading Washing Machines online with an agitator and with great reviews. 
GE Washing Machine, Model # GTWN 4450MWSI came across a Washer made by General Electric, model # GTWN4450MWS.  Almost all of the reviews I read for this Machine gave it a 4 star rating.  The dimensions of the Machine were perfect and it had a glass lid so you could see what was going on inside the Washer. It had a new hydrowave technology concerning the agitator and I found another interesting Youtube video that let me see the Machine in action. 

     So now I had a model that interested me and I just had to track it down.  Unfortunately, the only local store that carried this Washer was The Brick and their website could not tell me the price nor stock availability.  On Wednesday, February 8th, I phoned my wife and asked her to meet me at The Brick after work to see this General Electric Washing Machine.  I was surprised to find, when we got there, they actually had a floor model of the GTWN4450MWS. Also, across from that Washer was the Whirlpool we had been looking for. 

     Of course, when you start looking seriously at any appliance in a store like The Brick, a salesperson is going to approach you.  He could sense that I was very keen on the GE Machine but my wife was eying the Whirlpool.  The price of the GE Washer was $700 and the Whirlpool was $500.  I inquired about availability only to find out that he could not get me the GE Washer for at least a week but I could have the Whirlpool in three days.  I still didn’t want to wait and asked if he could sell me the floor model for the GE Washer.  He went away to check on this and my wife began to extoll the virtues of the Whirlpool and the fact that it was $200 cheaper.  The salesperson eventually returned and said he could knock $70 off the price of the GE floor model but my wife thought this was still not a great savings.  I didn’t want to get into an argument in the store so I told the salesperson that my wife and I had to talk this over and we left The Brick to have this conversation.  There was no conversation.  My wife wanted the Whirlpool and the cheaper option than the GE Washer. 

     In the parking lot, we decided to go back to Lowe’s to see if they had found the Whirlpool.  It had been three days since my last trip so it was more than likely that the Machine had been located.  The head of the appliance department at Lowes, a nice woman, who was not the person I had spoken to on the phone on Sunday, informed us they had two in stock.  She assisted me in ringing up the purchase and we waited while she went to retrieve the Washer from the Warehouse.  Twenty-five minutes went by before she returned.  She started her speech by saying the old phrase about good news and bad news.  The bad news was they couldn’t locate the Machine that their computer database told them they should have.  The good news was that their delivery transport had just arrived and there were four of the Whirlpool Washers on the truck.  The other bad news was that it was going to take 45 minutes for them to unload the truck to get at the Washers.  Again, I didn’t want to wait but I had already paid for the Machine.  I decided I would come back the next day. 

     In all of this, I have neglected to mention that we have a Dodge Caravan and after paying for the Washer, before they came back to tell us the bad news-good news-bad news scenario, I had gone out to the van and removed the rear set of the van.  I had to take the seat out and the spare tire and put them in the trunk of our station wagon.  Remember, I had asked my wife to meet me in town so we did have two vehicles with us.  The next day, I took the Caravan to Lowe’s and picked up the Whirlpool.  This time it was there and with the absence of the rear seat from the van, the boxed Machine fit easily. 

     Now a note about the removal of the old Washer and the set-up of the new one.  My friend who had accompanied me to Lowe’s to pick up the Washer insisted on telling me horror stories about Washing Machines and how installing a new one usually ended in injury or divorce.  I didn’t ask him to come home with me to help with the installation.  The quick summary is that I disconnected the old Washer by myself, wheeled it on a dolly through the house and back porch, and put in in our driveway.  My son then assisted me in removing the Whirlpool from the van and putting it in the washroom.  I quickly removed the Machine from the box, located the manual, and installed the Whirlpool.  It was so simple.  Note to all:  read the manual.  The step by step instructions were perfect and to my luck, when I went to level the machine, I found that it was already perfectly level.  No fuss.  No bother. 

     There were a couple of things I discovered about the Whirlpool Washing Machine that I did not know.  The Washer lid locks when the Machine is in use.  You can push the pause button to open the lid but the Machine will not wash or spin while the lid is open.  It’s like a leap of faith.  You have to trust that the Washer knows what it’s doing and that the clothes you put into the Machine are going to come out cleaner than they went it.  I haven’t been disappointed there.  The Machine also takes about two minutes before any water starts to fill the drum.  This happens because it’s going through a load balancing act.  This scared me initially when I first tried to use the Washer as I thought maybe I had forgotten to turn the water back on. All in all it’s been a very reliable machine this past week and we obviously made a good choice. 

     Two more notes about the Whirlpool and I’m done.  The first is the box it came in has been a nice surprise for my youngest daughter and one our cats.  It’s currently in our dining room while they imagine, explore, and play to their hearts content.  The other note is not about this Washing Machine but about the Kenmore that we replaced.  The day after I took out the old Washer, I put it out to the road with a “FREE” sign on it and some details about the spinning problem.  By the end of the day, the Washer was gone.  I didn’t see who took it but it’s probably gone for scrap.  I later learned that the Kenmore parts were all manufactured by Whirlpool.  I didn’t really replace the Kenmore with a Whirlpool.  I had owned a Whirlpool all the time and didn’t know it.  No matter, it all comes out in the wash after all.

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

THE DEATH OF A BIG ONE

February 1st, 2012

        Well now it’s the last day of January 2012 and I’m late again with this blahg.  Scott Henderson still thinks he's cool!Was that me who said I’d be posting two blahgs a week?  Maybe I should have said two a month.  I could give you some excuses but they wouldn’t be good ones.  Let’s just agree that I’ll write some blahgs, you’ll read them, and we won’t talk about the schedule.  That way we all won’t be disappointed.

        The blahg this time will not be full of pictures, audio, or video.  I was trying out a couple different topics but I kept coming back to the same one.  If you’ve been online and read the news, then you’ll probably realize that the Internet is running scared.  The news has been full of information about legislation in the United States to clamp down on illegal downloading of copyrighted material.  Somebody’s losing money somewhere and they’ve got some big lawyers or lobbyists trying to get that money back.  I’m not against this and the pirating of movies and music is a big time thing.  Personally, I go to the movies a lot (and always seem to have someone texting on their cell phone in front of me) so I see first run movies as they should be seen.  I also own hundreds of DVDs of movies and TV shows.  But I’m not going to preach.

        Recently, The Big One, Megaupload, was taken down by the FBI.  If you’re not familiar with Megaupload then let me simplify it by saying that millions of people upload files to this site and then send or post links to other people so they can download these files.  Yes, some of the files are illegal copies of films or television shows and of course music.  Megaupload was also paying people for files that were downloaded multiple times.  This was probably their undoing because popular copyrighted material was probably being posted and subsequently downloaded.  If you look at the long list of charges levied against Megaupload they include money laundering and racketeering.  More was going on there than meets the eye.

        I personally have used Megaupload when file sharing with other Sinatra fans.  I never posted legally licensed or professionally published material.  I’ve been collecting Sinatra concerts and recordings for years and there are hundreds of unreleased concerts or audience tapes in my collection.  Many have been traded with other collectors and links posted to and downloaded from Megaupload.  I will not apologize for this.  Every time a new Sinatra CD or DVD is released, I buy it if it contains previously unavailable material.  Bootleg concerts, to me, are whole different kettles of fish.  It gives me the opportunity to hear something I’ve never heard before and to share that experience with other Sinatra fans.  I couldn’t go to the 700 + concerts in my collection but someone went and is sharing their experience with me.  If a particular concert gets officially released then I’ll buy it.  Until then, I’m not changing my opinion.

        I have on occasion downloaded a CD from an artist when I wanted to hear it before purchasing it.  Songs I Heart Front CoverCase in point:  Songs I Heard by Harry Connick Jr.  Someone posted a link to it and I gave it a listen and enjoyed it so much that I ordered an official copy.  Songs I Heart Back CoverIt’s a great album full of songs from our youth.  I’ve also listened to some CDs from a download that I didn’t care for and was glad I didn’t rush out to buy it.  It’s like hearing a song on the radio.  If you don’t like it, don’t buy it. 

     Sometimes you find out that the CD is not well mastered and you don’t want to waste time and money there either.  Blossom Dearie initially released an LP (yes I said an LP) in 1963 for a Hires Root Beer campaign singing the “Most Rootin’ Tootin’ Songs of 1963.”  I’m a big Blossom Dearie fan and when I read about this LP, I tried to track it down but couldn’t.  Blossom Dearies Sings Rootin' Tootin' SongsThen I found out there was a download of the LP available.  I downloaded it and enjoyed it immensely.  When it was finally released as an import CD, I listened to sample tracks through Amazon and found that the sound quality of the CD was flat and not as good as the LP version I had downloaded.  That saved me money and aggravation.  If you look at that CD now, it’s more than $100 and the original LP is fetching more than $200.  Crazy!

        Let’s talk TV.  I have had to download current TV shows because I live in the country and get 4 channels.  Not all current shows air on any of those channels.  When “Monk” was airing, I had to download every episode because I couldn’t stream it for free in Canada.  I didn’t want to wait a year until the episodes were officially released.  Psych TV ShowThe same goes for the current show, “Psych”.  You can stream episodes online for free but not in Canada.  I’ve been a fan of the show since it started but I don’t want to wait forever to see new episodes when the season gets an official DVD release.  I might eventually buy the DVD sets but I reserve the privilege to download these episodes and watch them at my convenience.

        So where am I going with this?  Since Megaupload went down, it’s been very hard to download anything.  Other sites like Filesonic and Fileserve are running scared.  They have disabled file sharing and download links are disappearing.  One of my favorite sites, Reelboys.org, went dark last week.  It was a great website to download family oriented movies about children.  It was a great place to find many classic films that have not been released on DVD.  I don’t get Turner Classic Movies channel so this was a great source for me.  After Megaupload was shut down Reelboys announced they would shut down because they were afraid of being targeted.  If you go to their website now it says:

Reel Boys™ is Gone…

        I like movies, music, and television but I’m not your average consumer. I do a lot of try before you buy and the Internet is a great resource.  I think it should be like that.  Yes, there are those who will abuse it and will break copyright infringement rules but that happens when someone rents a DVD and copies it or sneaks a recording device into a movie theater or concert.  No legislation is going to prevent all that.  It’s people like me that suffer.  I want my downloads.  I want to view or listen before committing.  It’s like watching movie trailers, if you don’t like what you’re seeing, don’t pay for the price of admission.  I’ll continue to post tracks here but it will usually be from things that are on LP or unofficially available.  Call me an educator.  Or don’t call me.  I’m not posting anything I don’t already own.  If you listen to it, then you decide if you’re breaking any laws.  Don’t’ shoot the messenger.

 

        …I really like the title The Death of a Big One.  I have to admit it’s not the first time I’ve used that title.  I’ll close with the true meaning of that title.  It’s a poem I wrote in the late 1980s.  Later, I expanded this poem into a short story.  It should really be a movie…maybe somebody will download it.

 

the death of a BIG one


he’ll always be

a legend to me

that fat little cherub

slimmer these days

fer bein’ the soul

whose own life

mattered little

when tacklin’ things

larger than himself

 

and I think

ya’d have to be insane

not to like

that kind of guy

and be glad

ya was born

to his generation

or at least proud

ya knew him when

 

THE GAR

‘cause he was the only one

not the only Garvin

but the only one who mattered

 

and that was him then

BIGGER than life

or ready to claim his right

to be so

 

BIGGER THAN LIFE, maybe

but how can ya determine

relative size

when the BIGGER is inanimate

like a snowman?

 

and that was it:  a snowman

no, A BIG SNOWMAN

maybe 10 feet by 12 feet

but still LARGER

than a GAR,

sorry THE GAR

and it was BIG

maybe BIGGER than I recall

but HUGE

like some convention or reunion

of snowflakes

from grandma to distant cousins

but BIG

 

little?

now no one dwarfs

THE GAR

less’n yer King Kong

and still that hairy ape’d

get on his belly

just so he could look up to

THE GAR

 

but this snowman

some college boys built

was BIG

too BIG to live

and that’s what GAR’d say

‘til we eventually agreed with him

and he decided to stop talkin’

and start doin’

somethin’ ‘bout it

 

but we thought it was more

BIG talk

‘cause GAR and the snow GIANT

kept their distance still

‘cept fer occasionally tossed threats

from safe distances

 

and this went on

fer whole hours

and into the night

till we lost interest

and track of

THE GAR

 

but he turned up

eventually

at two in the mornin’

more than inebriated

and more than ready

fer battle

 

and he got me up

outa bed

to witness

the culmination

of his threats

 

now BIG!

both of ‘em were

and I laughed

hard

 

and that was it!

 

no laughin’ matter

was this fight

to THE GAR

 

so I shut up

and watched him

gatherin’ speed

from a block’s distance

and then soarin’

head on

to land

end up

after bouncin’ off

that unscathed frozen snowman

 

and I laughed

hard

again

 

but there was

death in the air

and it was over

in minutes

 

BROKEN

in little pieces

and dead

(as if that snowman

was ever alive)

 

and THE GAR

just grinnin’

triumphantly

and darin’ all comers

 

and I laughed

hard

again

and patted him on the back

and laughed some more

hard

again

 

but it occurs to me

standin’ there

that this piece of history’ll

go unnoticed

and that come spring

no one’d believe a word

and that future passers-by

will not realize

a GREAT battle’d

been waged here

 

nor that watchin’ the snow blood

drain into the sewer

the lone chucklin’ witness poet

would walk away himself

more than ready

to laugh down

the BIGGEST of

rejection slips

 

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

THIS SPOT RESERVED FOR THE 2011 CARLTON CARDS SINATRA ORNAMENT

January 15th, 2012

     Well here it is Friday the 13th, 2012 and I’m almost two weeks late with the first blahg of this year.  Scott Henderson still thinks he's cool!It’s snowing like crazy here after a day of freezing rain yesterday.  Today is as good a day as any to get this topic started.  If you read my last blahg of 2011, and if you didn’t then I want to know why because the link is at the top of this page, then you will recall that one of my regrets of 2011 was not obtaining the 2011 Carlton Cards Sinatra Ornament.  Over the past two weeks I’ve been looking into that ornament and discovered something significant about it.  I will get to that a little later.  First, I thought I’d show you my entire Carlton Cards Sinatra Ornament collection…incomplete as it is. 

     Carlton Cards, a subsidiary or reseller or whatever of American Greetings, first began issuing a musical Sinatra ornament in 1999.  My Incomplete Carlton Cards Sinatra Ornament CollectionSince then, there has been a Sinatra ornament for every year except 2009.  You can see my incomplete collection in the picture at the left.  (Don’t forget you can click on the images to get a larger view.)  See that empty spot at the upper right or upper left?  That’s where the 2011 ornament should be.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.  I thought that maybe I’d take you on a tour of each individual ornament in my collection before I reveal the mystery of 2011. 

     Back in 1999, Carlton Cards issued their first musical Sinatra ornament with the title of “Ol’ Blue Eyes”.  1999 Carlton Cards Sinatra OrnamentSinatra is depicted standing in front of a poster for his own appearance at The Hollywood Bowl on Saturday August 14th.  Sinatra did indeed play The Hollywood Bowl on August 14th, 1943.  A recording of that concert exists among collectors.  The following description appears on the back of the ornament box:

 Frank Sinatra’s appearance at the Hollywood Bowl in 1943 was an historic one indeed.  The venue was traditionally reserved exclusively for highbrow music, but after weeks of public controversy, Bowl directors agreed to book Sinatra for one night.  10,000 fans packed the house as Sinatra crooned his “Dancing in the Dark, “Night and Day,” “You’ll Never Know” and “The Songs Is You.”  He finished with “All or Nothing at All” and was given a standing ovation.  It was a moment for the memory books as “The Sultan of Swoon” conquered another of America’s famous arenas.

There is a small button on the ornament, as there is on all of the ornaments, and when pressed, it plays an excerpt from “The Christmas Waltz”:

It was a good start to the collection even though the image of Sinatra here is ten to twenty years older than he was when he performed at the Hollywood Bowl in 1943.

     The second ornament appeared in 2000 with the title “Swingin’ Sounds of Christmas”.  2000 Carlton Cards Sinatra OrnamentIt represents Sinatra in the studio in the 1950s or early 1960s.  From the box:

Just like each snowflake that falls from the sky, Frank Sinatra was one of a kind!  For 60 years, Ol’ Blue Eyes entertained America, reaching uncompromising fame as a music legend and Oscar-winning actor.

First heard on radio in 1935, Sinatra created an unmistakable sound and style with his smooth baritone voice, crooning his way into the hearts of generations of fans.  From a teen idol to a show-business icon, immortalized by a string of popular songs and memorable film roles, Sinatra will forever be remembered as “The Voice,” the “Chairman of the Board,” and the man who “did it my way.”

In keeping with the giant snowflake depicted behind Sinatra, the ornament plays an excerpt of “Let It Snow”.

    

     2001 saw the introduction of “Frank Sinatra in Las Vegas”.  2001 Carlton Cards Sinatra OrnamentIt was not one of the best images of Sinatra.  Here he appears squat with a big head.  The write up on the box wasn’t any better than the image:

 

Join Frank in Las Vegas as he casually flips a poker chip and offers one of his signature songs, “Luck Be A Lady, Tonight!”  During the early sixties, Frank Sinatra and a small group of entertainers known as The Rat Pack held court night after night at The Sands Hotel in Vegas.  Their actions and antics made news as they headlined and reigned over the entertainment industry.

Frank, Dean, Sammy, and Peter (Sinatra, Martin, Davis and Lawford to be specific), the names on the marquee, never referred to themselves as The Rat Pack.  They were The Summit.  The description even neglects to mention Joey Bishop!  When it comes to the song played by the ornament, it was incorrectly identified in the description and is simply known as “Luck Be A Lady”.

    

     On to 2002 and we have The Voice back in the studio.  The image is a little better one of Sinatra.  At least he has his signature fedora.  2002The write up on the box, for the first time, mentions the song the ornament will play:

 

The world will never forget the wonderful voice and the unique style of Frank Sinatra.  He appears here, as a Carlton Heirloom Collection ornament, in a miniature recording studio complete with microphone and silhouetted musicians, poised to do what he does best — sing! 

Press the button on the bottom of the ornament and hear old blue eyes belt out “I’ve Got You Under My Skin.”

Not only does Sinatra have his signature fedora, he’s singing one of his signature songs, “I’ve Got You Under My Skin”.

 

     The 2003 ornament finds Sinatra in another city that has been so closely associated with him.  This time he’s in New York! 2003 Carlton Cards Sinatra Ornament

Against a backdrop of famous New York City landmarks, legendary crooner Frank Sinatra sings his 1980 hit, “New York, New York.”  This ornament will be sure to add a special touch of Broadway glitz to your tree this holiday season.

The image is a little young here for Sinatra, or half a Sinatra as the case may be, because he didn’t record “New York, New York” until 1979 when he was almost 64 years old.  Still it’s a nice looking ornament and a great but abbreviated song.

    

     Back in 2004 it was back to a full sized Sinatra.  This is the only ornament to depict Sinatra in a white tuxedo jacket.  2004 Carlton Cards Sinatra OrnamentThe Sinatra portrayed here reminds me of the Sinatra swaggering through the role of Joe E. Lewis in the film “The Joker is Wild.”  Presented with the title “Ol’ Blue Eyes” the description on the box reads:

 

No one sings a love song quite like Frank Sinatra, and this illuminated ornament captures the romance and grace of the crooner’s famous vocal stylings.  Known simply as “The Voice,” Sinatra performs a delightful rendition of his hit song “Fly Me to the Moon” and this swingin’ ornament is sure to make any Sinatra fan’s Christmas the brightest one yet!

 

This is one of only two ornaments that ‘illuminate’.  The clear plastic backdrop lights up along the bottom of the ornament while Sinatra swings “Fly Me To The Moon”.

  

   2005 brought us another illuminated Carlton Sinatra ornament.  2005 Carlton Cards Sinatra OrnamentThis time it’s the 50s Young At Heart Sinatra in a romantic mood next to a lamppost that lights as he sings.   Notice the silhouette of the lovers who are probably dancing to a Sinatra song.

 

“Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you, if you’re young at heart.”  The sweet lyrics to “Young at Heart” were first heard as the title song for the movie by the same name, where Sinatra played the part of cynical Barney Sloan.  Second in the By The Light of the Moon series, this ornament features a suave Sinatra leaning against a street lamp that glows when he sings.  With Frank’s dreamy voice center stage, romance is definitely in the air!

 

If you haven’t seen the movie “Young At Heart” you are missing out on a great film starring Sinatra & Doris Day.  It would be the only movie they would make together and the only one you’re likely to see open with the lush voice of Sinatra singing the title song.

   

     Sinatra is back with his swagger in 2006 with a trench-coat draped over his shoulder and his hat cocked at an angle.  2006 Carlton Cards Sinatra OrnamentNow it’s the “Night and Day Sinatra” singing under the sun, the moon, and the stars.    Although it’s a pose similar to some of his iconic record covers, the face sculpture reminds me more of Bing Crosby.

 

Listen to some great lyrics from “Night and Day” by the extraordinary crooner Frank Sinatra in this third ornament in the By The Light of the Moon series.  It captures a classic Sinatra pose — that familiar glance, a tip of the hat and a coat slug over his shoulder.  He’s on top of the world and knows exactly what he wants — night and day.

 

The description sums it up best.  Sinatra was a swinger and so is the song:

 

 

    2007 Carlton Cards Sinatra Ornament Frank Sinatra made a return engagement to the Hollywood Bowl in 2007 in the form of a recycled Carlton Ornament.  The 2007 Ornament was an exact replica of the 1999 edition but where that one had a red base, this one is blue.  The only other significant difference is in the song that is played when you press the button.  This time around it’s “All of Me”:

 

The ornament is the exact same size as the one issued in 1999 but the packaging is smaller and there would be no further write up on the box this year or in subsequent years.


2008 Carlton Cards Sinatra Ornament    In 2008 we see the reappearance of a half Sinatra although much bigger than the 2003 New York version.  Here we have the young Frankie of the Bobby Sox years.  Not only is it a half size Sinatra but the rich voice of Sinatra has been replaced with an instrumental version of “I’ve Got You Under My Skin”:

The ornament is a fairly decent likeness of the young Sinatra but the bold colours of his jacket and tie are a little off-putting.

   

2009 Hallmark Sinatra Ornament   There was no ornament in 2009 put out by Carlton Cards or American Greetings.  Instead, Hallmark would bring out their own ornament for Christmas that bore the likeness of a festive tree and not Sinatra himself.  The only reason this ornament is considered a Sinatra related item is that it does play a snippet of Sinatra’s version of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas.”

     
2010 Carlton Cards Sinatra Ornament      In 2010 Sinatra made his return to Carlton Cards.  The ornament that year was an elegantly dressed Sinatra in a black tuxedo.  I’m not sure why Carlton Cards failed to issue an ornament in 2009 but I was glad to see the 2010 ornament bring Sinatra back with style and his own voice.  No instrumental this year.  It’s Sinatra himself and like the year for this ornament, “It Was A Very Good Year.”

 

     So now this brings us to 2011 and the mystery of the 2011 Carlton Cards Sinatra Ornament.  In the fall of 2011, my local Carlton Cards store began to stock displays for the 2011 line of Christmas ornaments.  2011 Carlton Cards Sinatra OrnamentThere was a nice place card picture for the 2011 Sinatra ornament that showed Sinatra rushing about with his Christmas packages.  The image was familiar to me as the same image appears on the cover of Sinatra’s classic Capitol album “A Jolly Christmas”.  Needless to say I was excited about adding this ornament to my collection

     I always wait until nearer to Christmas or Boxing Day so I can pick up the ornament for less than the full cost.  In Canada the ornaments usually run between $35 and $40 so a savings of 50% to 75% always inspires me to wait.  On Boxing Day my wife ventured out to buy the ornament but found that there were none in stock.  I was disappointed but I thought I would try another Carlton Cards store near Toronto.  No luck there either.  I couldn’t believe the ornament was sold out.  I knew I’d have to bite the bullet and try ordering it at full price from an online source.

      Carlton Cards and American Greetings do not sell these ornaments through their websites and the Canadian version of Amazon does not stock them either.  I looked to Ebay and found a couple that were going for more than twice the retail value.  When I checked the description posted by the sellers, they both noted that the ornament was rare because it had been recalled.  I was not aware of any recall.  I just assumed the Carlton Cards stores that I had visited had sold all of their stock.  I emailed a few Sinatra collectors that I know and they were lucky to have purchased theirs in the fall of 2011 in the United States and knew nothing of a recall either.  I went back to my local Carlton Cards store and inquired about the ornament.  The Manager was very nice and she informed me that she didn’t know about a recall but that she had never received any stock of the Sinatra 2011 ornament.  She referred me to American Greetings and their online site for further inquiries.

I will cut this short by telling you that I have received two different responses from American Greetings.  The first came from someone in Public Relations:

   All of the Sinatra ornaments were pulled from retail locations, due to a production error with the piece. Unfortunately there won’t be a Sinatra Ornament available for consumers from the 2011 program.

 

The second response was from Consumer Relations:

The 2011 Frank Sinatra Heirloom Ornament was recalled by the licensor because they were not happy with the final product. The ornament is not available for purchase from American Greetings or any of its retailers because of the recall. The ornament may be available for purchase from private owners as there were some sold before the recall. You’ll need to check the auctions web sites such as EBay or Amazon to determine the availability.

 

     The same company and two very similar responses.  Something was wrong with the product and they were not happy with the final product.  I have received emails from other Sinatra collectors who have the ornament and they find no flaw in the product.  I don’t own one, although I desperately want one, so I cannot comment on the product itself. 

   There was a video circulating of someone who had one and the ornament looked fine to me although Sinatra’s skin tone appears a little dark:

     So what’s the mystery?  I don’t know.  Is it a copyright issue related to the image from “A Jolly Christmas”?  A Jolly Christmas LPIf you look at the image on the left of the cover, it is identical to the design of the 2011 ornament.  Is it a musical copyright issue?  The same version of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” that was used for the 2009 Hallmark ornament is reused here in 2011 by Carlton.  Again, I don’t know.  I’m sure someone at American Greetings knows the answer but they’re not telling.  Hopefully we’ll see a 2012 Carlton Cards Sinatra Ornament but, for now, like the proverbial bucket, my collection has hole in it.

 

 

 

 

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

2012…AND AWAY WE GO

January 1st, 2012

Here it is folks, the last blahg of 2011.  Scott Henderson still thinks he's cool!It’s dull and gray here in my part of Canada and there’s a couple inches of snow.  Well, we didn’t get it for Christmas but at least we got it to close out 2011.  All of this, of course, has nothing to do with this blahg.  Like every good year end blahg, and I want this to be a good year end blahg, I’ll review some of the good and not so good things about this past year.

Let’s start with some of the bad.  I feel that if I start with the negative aspects of 2011 then it’ll highlight how important the positive things really are.

1)  My Father had a stroke.  Readers of my blahg will recall that a couple weeks before Christmas, my Father had a minor stroke.  He was driving at the time and wasn’t far from home.  He struck a parked car and continued on home, not realizing he had had an accident.  Not long after arriving home, the police arrived and his license was suspended.  At this point, my mother called me.  I have four brothers and one sister but three of my brothers live out of town and the other and my sister were working at the time.  When I arrived at my parents’ house, I began to question my dad about the accident and he still had no knowledge of what had happened and he had some paralysis in his right arm.  He balked about going to the hospital, mainly because he hadn’t been to the hospital in 30 years and wasn’t keen about going to his Doctor’s office either, but I managed to convince him to go.  They took him in right away and it was two hours before I was allowed to see him.  It was then that I was told he had had a minor stroke and had to stay in the hospital for 4 days.  It was one of the worst times of my life.  You think that you can handle just about anything but I was numb for a couple of days.   That was just me; imagine what was happening to my dad!

2)  This past summer, I had a bad ear infection in both of my ears and my hearing went down by 70%.  The hearing loss was bad enough but the pain was also unbearable.  Some antibiotics helped to clear up the infections and brought most of my hearing back but I knew that my hearing was not back to normal.  Ear Trumpet ToonAfter a hearing test, and worrying I would need hearing aids or one of those old fashioned ear trumpets, I was told I had lost some of the higher frequency upper range.  I might get it back with time or I might become one of those people who asks what people just said or gets shouted at for having the television volume up too loud.

3)  Unemployed again.  I spent the majority of this year without a job.  During the summer months, I did have a contract working the Census with Statistics Canada.  It was great going door to door talking to people but I’ve never seen so many yappy dogs in all my life.  No wonder I’m a cat person.  Being without a paid job is the worst kind of feeling and you really don’t want to run into anyone you haven’t seen for a while because they’re bound to ask you what you’re doing these days and you have to be truthful and pretend that you’re okay with it or lie inventively and hope that they don’t work for the imaginary company you just made up.  Does anybody remember Vandelay Industries from Seinfeld?

4)  Movies, books, and music:  three great words but not a great year for any of them.  I’m not a big Top-40 fan so the summer blockbuster films were very disappointing and the FM radio hits were really misses to me.  Man, I miss Sinatra.  Sinatra: The Best of The Best Deluxe EditionWe did get a new Sinatra release, Best of The Best, combining Reprise and Capitol hits but really it was nothing new under the sun.  The extended version contained some photos and an extra CD of the Seattle 1957 live concert but this too has been previously released.  Where are the gems hidden in the vaults?   Where are the unreleased takes and unreleased concerts that were officially recorded?  We don’t need another Christmas ornament!  That reminds me, I didn’t get the 2011 Sinatra Christmas ornament because I usually wait until they are 75% off on Boxing Day but by then they were sold out.  Bummer.

5)  Not enough to complain about.  I’m really struggling to find things to complain about.  2011 wasn’t all that bad except for the first two items I mentioned and only being unemployed part of the year.  But I like to complain!  It should have been more of a year to complain about!  I’ll throw in some minor things: 

·        Our Federal election in Canada was disappointing because the same stupid people elected the same stupid people.  Unfortunately, our great hope, Jack Layton, head of the New Democratic Party, and the official opposition, lost his battle with cancer.  I don’t see anyone filling those shoes. 

 

·        Television:  DO WE REALLY NEED ANOTHER REALITY SHOW?  THE X FACTOR!?  The X Factor used to refer to that quality that great stars had/have but these new people don’t.  The only reality show I watch is the one at 11 o’clock called THE NEWS!  Bring back Stargate SG1!

 

·        DVDs:  More MOD (Manufacture on Demand) and less Pressed Disks.  Andy Hardy Collection Volume 1My big disappointment was The Andy Hardy Collection Volume 1.  The first 400 copies of this MOD release were autographed by Mickey Rooney.  I tried to order it but the autographed copies were sold out.  Now I have to buy the regular version and stalk Mickey Rooney and hound him to autograph my copy.  I LOVE YOU MICKEY!!  We did finally get some more Buster Keaton MOD releases but these were lesser MGM titles and only for the completist.  The same goes for Sinatra.  They released “Ship Ahoy” & “Dirty Dingus Magee” but where’s “Johnny Concho” and “The Joker is Wild”?  I’d even settle for a DVD release of “Miracle of the Bells”.   We did get a pressed disk release of one of my favorite Christmas films, “The Gathering” but I have to complain because last year I purchased the MOD version!  Same film and I have to pay twice!  Also, the cancellation of “The Fugitive Complete Series: The Most-Wanted Edition” was very disappointing.  Let’s hope it finally comes out next year.   Come on 2012, let’s see the goods.

 

Speaking of the goods, here’s what was good in 2011:

1)  My Father had a stroke.  I know this was a bad thing but some good things came of it.  He stopped smoking after 60 years of smoking.  My dad is 74 so do the math and figure out when he started smoking.  He’s finally taking his health seriously.  It also made me realize what’s important in my life.  It’s too bad a serious health scare has to happen before you reflect on these things.

2)  The love of a good woman.  In 2012 I will celebrate 25 years of marriage with the same woman.  If you think saying that she’s the same woman means she’s the same woman I married in 1987 then you’d be wrong.  Every year she changes.  She gets stronger and stranger and matches me in both categories.  Jeanette has always been there and held me when I finally broke down a couple of days after my dad’s stroke.  I think she had expected it sooner.  She nagged me too about my own health and got me to go to the Doctor about my ear infections and my hearing and now I can hear her better when she’s talking to me.  Don’t tell her that though because selective hearing is a real diagnosis in husbands.

3)  Three great children.  I had thought about putting this in the bad column because I feel that I may be losing them as they get older.  Emily is away at school most of the year and I worry about her in Toronto and now she’s off to New York City for a few days with one of her friends.  Do you think I’ll worry any less?  What an intelligent and beautiful young woman.  My son and I fought more this fall and when I was going through health scares with my father, I couldn’t get closer to Noah because he was never here.  It didn’t stop me caring about him.  Next year, he wants to go off to College/University and I won’t have him here.  What’s that about missing most what you don’t have around anymore?  Abbie entered the “teen” category before Christmas by turning 13.  She’s struggling to be independent and still wanting to be a kid.  She still likes to play board games and go to children’s movies.  I like that too.  

4)  Thursdays with Bryan.  Sounds like a book title.  I know many of you are thinking of Tuesdays with Morrie but this is completely different.  Bryan and I a long time agoMy best friend Bryan only has Thursday and Sunday off from work every week.  Thursdays we generally have lunch and look for DVDs at our favorite haunts.  We try a different restaurant every week and usually complain about the poor selection of DVDs available in local stores.  If you don’t think that’s a good time, you’d be wrong.  Bryan lives with my parents and helps to keep a watchful eye on them.  When my dad was hospitalized, Bryan was one of the first people I called.  He’s my brother from another mother who lives with my mother.  Can you follow that logic?  The picture here is an older one of both of us taken at my sister’s wedding.  It’s one of my favorites.

5)  Employment.  I know, this showed up as unemployment in my ‘bad’ section but this was really one of my highlights.  I had a paying job!  I haven’t had paid employment in almost two years so when this came along, it was a nice change.  Jeanette makes a good living as a Teacher but I like to think I’m contributing financially.  I enjoyed talking to people when going door to door collecting the census or filling it out with people who had neglected to fill it out.  My supervisor was impressed with my efforts as well and kept sending me into new areas to collect missing census forms.  She even gave me a nice letter of recommendation.  I hope that letter will help me land something a little more permanent in 2012.

6)  Movies, books, and music…and DVDs.  There were some good movies that stood out for me this year despite the crop of failures.  Abbie and I both enjoyed “Arthur Christmas” and “Hugo”.  I highly recommend both.  They are not just for the young.  Good to see a new “Mission Impossible” film.  Here’s hoping we get a fifth in the franchise.  “Super 8” was the best of the summer films.  Noah and I both enjoyed that one.  Noah also recommended “50/50” to me after having seen it with his friends.  It’s a very emotional film and should get set some Oscar consideration but probably won’t.  The Moose That RoaredI can’t say anything about books because anything I read was a few years old and you probably wouldn’t know about them.  I would however recommend “Child Star” by Shirley Temple and “The Moose That Roared” about Bullwinkle, Rocky and Jay Ward.  Both are non-fiction but were great reads.  The real highlight in music was seeing Tony Bennett back on the charts with his Duets 2 CD.  Keep singing Tony!  DVDs?  Let’s get serious.  The best releases for me were “Barney Miller-The Complete Series” and “The Lost Honeymooners-The Complete Series”.  Thank heavens for Shout Factory and MPI.  Again, I’ll express hope for a 2012 release of “The Fugitive Complete Series: The Most-Wanted Edition”. 

6)  I met John Astin.  John AstinThis great actor from “The Addams Family” and “The Brothers O’Toole” was at Fan Expo in Toronto this past summer.  What a great actor and a warm human being.  At the same convention, I also met Nichelle Nichols (Uhura of Star Trek), Marina Sirtis (Deanna Troi of Star Trek Next Generation), and Ethan Phillips (Neelix of Star Trek Voyager).  Okay, I’m a Star Trek fan.  Don’t give me one of those cute nick-names.  At least Noah and I have that in common.

 

I could go on and on about other things that might have been noteworthy for me but then I’d never get this blahg completed in 2011.  The last positive that I can add is this blahg.  Maybe nobody’s reading this but at least it’s an outlet for me.  I’ll be turning fifty in 2012 and this blahg is at least something I can point to as an accomplishment.  If you are reading this, drop me a line at scott@falseducks.com and let me know.  It would be nice to know I’m not just doing this for myself.

My hopes for 2012:

·        I hope the Mayans don’t get it right and we see 2013.

·        I hope I can continue to write more blahgs.  I don’t think I’ll get 100 written but maybe 50 before I’m 50 would be good.

·        Health and Happiness.  I wish this for everyone and not just myself.

·        Friendship and Family.  I’ve got that strong and I hope it continues.

·        Employment.  Enough said.

·        The Fugitive Complete Series: The Most-Wanted Edition“The Fugitive Complete Series: The Most-Wanted Edition”.  You knew that had to come up again.

 

I’ll close with something that Frank Sinatra used to say and it’s still as relevant.  After wishing everyone health and hugging and kissing, Sinatra would always close with “In the next year may we find peace in the world and peace among ourselves.”

You can’t ask for more than that.  All the best to everyone in 2012 and in the words of Jackie Gleason:  AND AWAY WE GO!

 

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

THE CHRISTMAS CAT

December 25th, 2011

Well the yuletide is upon us and like Santa Claus, I’m trying to meet my deadline by completing this blahg the day before Christmas.  Santa ScottI’ve had this blahg in mind for a couple of weeks but finding time to write it has not been an easy task.  We all put so much into this time of year and stressing about what’s to be done that we forget the little things.  This blahg will hopefully prove to be a reflection for those of you who forget to find the joy that we all so desperately need.

I confess I wasn’t always a cat person.  When I was growing up, we always had dogs.  That must mean my parents were dog people.  Oh, I remember once we had an old barn cat, despite the fact we lived in the city, which my father had obtained to get rid of a rat that plagued our house.  The cat did finally kill the rat but it also gave birth to a litter of kittens and then my memory gets vague on this because the cat and kittens were sent packing.  The dog stayed.

When Jeanette and I were married we had hamsters.  They were fun but when we moved back to Belleville with our two year old daughter, Emily, we gave the hamsters away and upgraded to cats.  ElmoFirst we acquired Elmo and then two weeks later we adopted Tully.  TullyBoth were black and white and males.  They were very friendly and received their names from Sesame Street characters.  We lived in an apartment for two years with them until moving into our first rental house in the country.  They soon transformed from indoor cats to outdoor felines.  That of course came at a cost.  Tully got into something poisonous and eventually died.  Elmo was struck by a car.  Both were devastating times.

Sometime between the death of Tully and the death of Elmo, we adopted Panama.  Our Cat PanamaShe was a short haired grey and black striped tabby.  My children spotted her at a yard sale where she languished in a cage with her siblings with a sign denoting the free kittens.  By this time, our family had extended to include our son Noah and a third child, Abbie, on the way.  Panama’s unique name came from a favorite book that I enjoyed reading to the children, “The Trip to Panama” by Janosch.  In this book, a bear and a tiger set out to find Panama, the land of their dreams.  The Trip To PanamaThere’s a great line in the book “oh how lovely is Panama” so it influenced the naming of our new cat.  This cat we decided would definitely be an indoor cat.  We couldn’t break Elmo of his desire to be out of the house be we would ensure Panama would stay safely inside.

After we lost Elmo, we quickly adopted Carrot to fill the loss.  We were always a two cat family because we thought that a solitary cat would be too lonely without a playmate.  Carrot was a barn cat that came from a friend of ours.  Whenever we visited his farm, the children loved climbing on the hay bales and admiring the barn kittens that ran freely.  Our Cat CarrotCarrot was a long haired cat named for her beautiful coat of orange fur.  She was my favorite from the start.  She took to me immediately and I couldn’t go anywhere in the house without her tagging behind or pouncing into my lap the moment I sat down.  She, too, we kept indoors.

Soon our house became too small because it was a two bedroom house and we had three children and two cats.  We moved to a five bedroom house complete with a barn but fortunately, at that time, no additional barn cats.  I thought we were complete.  Jump to a hay ride after church one fall when we end up at the farm where we had obtained carrot.  My wife spies a lovely calico type kitten and falls in love with her.  Before going on the hay ride, I had prepped the children that we were not in the market for another cat and not to ask about a new kitten.  I had forgotten to prep my wife.  Our Cat PatchesSo that’s how Patches came into our life.  Despite being my wife’s choice, Patches chose me.  She and Carrot vied for my attention constantly and Panama just watched and then went to whomever she pleased.

We only rented the house we were living in at the time and the owner didn’t mind the cats we had.  He was a cat fan too.  Eventually some cats adopted the barn on our property and cats and kittens came and went.  I won’t go into those right now.  They were not ours; they were free spirits.  Eventually the owner of the house decided to sell the house and property and because it was 800+ acres, we didn’t have the means to meet his asking price and he didn’t want to sever the house from the land.  So we moved again but only after purchasing our first home.  Five bedrooms, three children, and three cats and still going strong.

Shortly after moving into our new home, we acquired our fourth female cat.  Emily, by then 15, and I were volunteering with a youth group and one outing found us at an animal shelter scooping and cleaning cat litter boxes.  Emily spotted our new cat at this shelter.  She was a lovely long haired grey and white cat with the friendliest disposition.  I wanted to say no to adopting this cat until I heard her story.  The cat, named June by the volunteers at the shelter had been found abandoned in the countryside.  Our Cat JuneShe was only one year old and had had kittens at some point.  When she was rescued, she was pregnant again but the kitten she carried was stillborn.  Fortunately, there were some kittens brought into the shelter without a mother so June nursed them.  I thought that any cat with that kind of history deserved a home.  So we became a four cat household…all females and all indoor felines.  Noah and I were the minority males.

I was quite content with our four cats but somewhere in the retelling of this adventure I have forgotten to mention our two dogs.  Our first, Daisy, was a puppy that we adopted while we were in our first rental home and still had Elmo and Tully.  That dog hated me.  She started to turn vicious and she always took it out on me.  She got loose one day when she was less than a year old and was struck and killed by a car.  We were all saddened by this but it did not lead us to go and adopt another dog.  On, the contrary, the next dog found us.

Probably a year after Daisy passed, I was shopping in Belleville, prior to Christmas, with my two young children when I spotted a young pig running under some parked cars in a supermarket parking lot.  I finally caught up to the animal and discovered it was not a pig but rather a young pup whose fur was so white and so short that his pink skin shone through and made him look like a piglet.  I inquired in a few stores about the dog but no one claimed him.  I was going to take him to the shelter but they were not open until later in the day so I had no choice but to take him home.  I called the shelter later to inform them of the dog in case anyone reported him missing and I posted a notice of a lost dog with the newspaper and the radio.  No one claimed him and he became a fixture in our house.  There were two pig movies around this time, “Babe” & “Gordy”, so we chose Gordy because his coloring had made me believe he was something other than a dog.

Gordy was with us for ten years.  He was very very friendly but he could not be trained.  He would run wild in the house or outside so we had to keep him leashed constantly.  Once, he broke his leash and took off down the road.  He was struck head on by a car but miraculously he walked away with no injuries.  He only spent one night at the vet for observation.  After this incident, however, he became very protective of us and whenever a stranger came near the house he would turn vicious.  Once, he tried to bite the seat of the pants of my best friend.  Even friends were not safe from him.

Gordy moved with us from house to house but when we finally purchased our new house there were neighbor children that he would constantly bark at.  One wandered in our yard to play with my son and underestimated the length of Gordy’s leash.  The boy received a few stitches from a nasty bite from Gordy.  We had to have Gordy put down to keep peace in the village.  We were back to four female cats again.

Panama was the oldest of our cats and she loved our youngest daughter Abbie.  Panama always slept in Abbie’s room and it made Abbie feel special because this cat chose to be with her.  This started when Abbie was in a crib and we had to keep Panama out of her room.  When Abbie eventually moved to a bed we then allowed Panama back in her room.  Carrot, Patches, and June usually just slept on the sofa or a comfortable chair.

Three years after we moved into our current home, we noticed a lump on Panama’s underbelly.  After checking with the vet, we were told it was cancerous and that any surgery would be dangerous to the cat.  We were all devastated.  We made the decision not to put Panama through the surgery but because she was still in good spirits, we decided to let her live out the rest of her life with us.  We found some naturopathic feline medicine over the internet and this seemed to help Panama.  It provided her with more energy and she seemed to flourish for a little while.  Our biggest concern, besides Panama’s health, was Abbie’s state of mind.  Abbie was ten and she had a lot of love invested in Panama and they were truly good for each other.

Now this narrative will take a unique turn.  A few days before Christmas that year, another cat came into our lives.  We had had a large dowsing of snow and while my wife was shoveling our driveway, a large orange and white cat came out of nowhere and began to meow at her.  He was very friendly but it looked like it had come across country.  His fur was wet and matted and he had a few burs along his back.  Our Cat FrankWe took pity on the cat because it was so close to Christmas but on further inspection we discovered this was a male cat.  We couldn’t allow him in the house because only two of our female cats were spayed.  We put an old blanket in our garage and left some food out for him, hoping that he would eventually return to whence he came.  He didn’t.

It began to get very cold and was snowing again so we made the decision to bring the cat into the house but to segregate him from the females.  Our house is laid out so that when you come in through the back porch you go through the kitchen to get the rest of the house.  We had a bi-fold door that we had used in the past when Gordy slept in the kitchen during the winter.  This is a door that is hinged in the middle and folds up along a track.  We put a blanket down in the kitchen and the door kept the male cat from entering the rest of the house.  It worked well for two nights.

The third night was Christmas Eve.  The cat had slept well in the kitchen those first two nights and showed no interest in the rest of the house.  He went out during the day and female cats were allowed access to the kitchen while he was out.  That Christmas Eve my wife and I were up late wrapping presents.  I don’t think we got to bed until much after one in the morning.  Everything was still, not a creature was stirring…well not quite.  Shortly after going to bed, I heard a loud thump in the kitchen and had to get out of bed to see what caused the noise.  I discovered the bi-fold door was open and the male cat was trotting through the dining room.  I scooped him up, placed him the kitchen, closed the bi-fold door and went back to bed.  I wasn’t sure how he had gotten out but thought he was secure in the kitchen again.  Again the noise occurred and again I found the door open and the cat in the dining room.  I wasn’t going to take any other chances so I took him into our bedroom and closed our door.  He slept on our bed that night and went out in the morning.

As the next day was Christmas, we allowed the male cat to be in the kitchen in the afternoon with the door closed.  The children and I were playing with something in the dining room when we noticed a small orange paw poke its way under the bi-fold door.  The cat hooked his paw under the bottom of the door and pulled along the middle and the door popped open.  Mystery solved.  After that, we felt that if he was that resourceful, he was welcome to the run of the house during his stay.

We went through all the motions to try and find out if this cat belonged to anyone.  We put up posters and contacted the local shelter and media outlets but there were no claimants.  We also discovered, much to our delight, he was neutered.  We didn’t need to worry about the female cats.  He cleaned up rather nicely and has such beautiful long fur.  We named him Frank.  I had told the children not to name him because he probably wouldn’t be staying with us.  He was still sleeping in my bedroom so one day I just started calling him Frank when asking him to move off my side of the bed.  The name stuck and Frank became a permanent fixture.

The children immediately fell in love with Frank and Abbie put a great deal of time and love into him.  I think she was gradually moving some of her affections away from Panama so that when Panama’s time came it wouldn’t be so hard.  Three months later Panama did take a turn for the worse and we had to have her put down.  We were happy for the ten years we had had with her.  Abbie was very said but she bounced back because she had Frank.  Later that year, we lost Carrot too.  She developed a serious kidney infection and she died in my arms one night.  It was a tough time but we still had June and Patches and Frank.  Frank most of all, got us all through that tough time.  He was truly one of the best Christmas presents we had all received.

Today, we celebrate three years of having Frank with us.  The bi-fold door has long been removed as Frank is now King of the Castle.  Frank is King of the CastelPatches and June pretty much steer clear of Frank but they know that they too are loved.

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.  May you all find your own Frank or something just as wonderful that brings you joy.

 

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

MERRY CHRISTMAS & BYE FOR NOW

December 18th, 2011

It’s been getting harder and harder to write a weekly blahg.  I have good intentions but things keep happening.  Scott Henderson still thinks he's cool!The big thing is that my father had a stroke last week.  It was a very mild one but it required him to be in the hospital for four days.  My dad doesn’t do hospital stays so this put a scare into him and hopefully his commitment to quit smoking (a 60 year addiction) will continue.  So far, so good.  For those who haven’t thought about doing this then make 2012 the year you quit; if not for yourselves, then for those around you.  I’ll tell you I’ve never felt so alone than those hours I waited at the hospital for someone to finally tell me that my father was going to be okay.

This week’s post is going to be a bit of a cheat but an enjoyable one nonetheless.  This story, based on all true events, comes from my Christmas collection “Proof For Believing” and is one of my favorites.  It talks about a relative of mine and given everything I’ve been through with my dad this past week, I thought it would be good to post here. 

 

 

“Bye For Now”

 

Archie was my father’s cousin and he was always old when I knew him.

What I remember most about Archie was that he would come and stay with us children when my parents were out of town and that he drank.

          Oh he didn’t always drink.  He gave up drinking once or twice but he always took it up again.  That’s what landed him in The Manor.  If he had continued to drink at the pace that he had set for himself, it would have killed him.  Instead, he perked up in The Manor and lived almost another ten years longer than anyone expected.

          I used to go and visit him a few times a year but mostly just before Christmas.  I would always try to convince him to come to my parents’ house for Christmas dinner and he’d always try to convince me there was some reason why he couldn’t leave The Manor.  He always had some mysterious ailment conveniently at Christmas or some special event was happening at The Manor.  It was funny, on other visits, not around Christmas, he spoke unfavorably of Manor events and told me he had always shied away from them.  But I never got him to take the ride with me to my parents’ house.  He was settled and that was that.

          In his later years he always had a mind that was as sharp as a tack.  He could always recall events from earlier in our lives and would always start a visit with “Do you remember…”

 

          “Do you remember Dan’s wife Gloria?” Archie began during one Christmastime visit. 

          Dan is one of my younger brothers and never really had a wife named Gloria. 

          What had happened was that when we were teenagers I caught Dan listening to the radio in his room.  This was around Christmas and the DJ was taking calls from callers who wanted to wish a Merry Christmas to friends and relatives.

          I was a little stinker or maybe a big stinker because I was and am one of Dan’s bigger brothers.  I thought it would be funny to phone and wish a very personal Christmas wish to Dan.  It was just one of those things that suddenly possessed me.  I phoned and said “I want to wish a Merry Christmas to my family and a special Christmas wish to my brother Dan and his wife Gloria.”

          From Dan’s room, I heard this bellow.  He had obviously recognized my voice.

          Dan wasn’t mad at all.  In fact, he thought it was funny and we both had a great laugh over it.

          The biggest laugh occurred a few days later when Archie popped in for a visit.  He immediately sought out Dan and asked him how Gloria was.  Archie was also an avid radio listener.

          Neither Dan nor Archie ever let me forget that one.

 

          “Do you remember Dan’s transporter?” Archie asked on another occasion.

          I had almost forgotten about that one.

          Dan may want to shoot me for repeating this story but it’s one of my favorite episodes involving Archie.

          Dan had always been a tinkerer.  I would have said inventor but he never really invented anything.  He’d tinker at something and manage to take something apart to create something else that never worked.

          It would be at this point that Dan would point out the helicopter that our brother Todd and I had made out of scrap lumber and onto which we had tied an old furnace motor.  We had planned to fly it to our grandmother’s house in another town.  It would have worked Dan!  Of course my arm would have been tired from turning that propeller all night.

          But that’s all beside the point!

          I don’t remember all of Dan’s devices but I do remember the transporter.  If you’ve ever seen a Star Trek episode then you have to know what a transporter is.  If you haven’t seen a Star Trek episode then my son Noah wants to know why because Star Trek is everything to him.  It used to be Popeye and next year it’ll be something else. 

          But that is beside the point.

          A transporter is a device that takes apart your molecules and transports them to a remote location and puts them all back together; hopefully in the right order.

          One time, Dan decided to invent one while our parents were away and Archie was staying at the house.  I don’t know what he had used to make the transporter but I’m sure the original components were fully functional before Dan began to tinker.

          Now Archie was always a good sport.  He never discouraged us from anything and there were many things he never reported back to our parents.  If my parents are reading this, I deny there are any unreported incidents.

          On this particular occasion Dan had built a transporter and was ready to test it.  The house we lived in at the time had a few bedrooms in the basement and one of them had a light switch up on the landing that shut off all power to the room until you flicked the switch.  That was my job.  I was the flicker.

          Dan had wired everything together and had plugged it in and I was just waiting for my signal to flick.

          Archie was also in on it.  We had explained to Archie what the purpose of the transporter was and that we might be whisked away to some far off location and, if Dan’s transporter worked, it was Archie’s role to inform our parents of our strange disappearance.

          Of course that wasn’t good enough for Archie.  He had to be right there when that device was turned on.  He wanted to see it in action.  He only begged us to excuse him for a few minutes before we began the experiment.

          On his return, Archie was wearing a shawl and life-jacket.  When asked what these were for, he replied that he just wanted to be prepared.  He said that if he ended up in the artic the shawl would protect him and if he ended up in the ocean he’d stay afloat.

          Neither Dan nor I wanted to point out to Archie that a shawl was hardly great protection against below zero temperatures or that floating in the ocean was one thing but sharks were another.

          But that too, is beside the point. 

          The transporter didn’t work.  When I flicked the switch, the whole works caught fire and some of the plastic components melted and left a stench in the house that took us two days to air out.  That was one of Archie’s well-kept secrets.  Again, if my parents are reading this, I deny everything.  Ask Dan.  It was his fault anyway.

 

          “Do you remember Bryan’s five coats?”

          I don’t believe this is a particularly funny story and I don’t know why Archie always seemed to bring this one up when asking me about Bryan. 

          I’ll pad out this story a little because there’s not much to it.  I’m going to tell a funny story that my son insists on telling every time Bryan visits; much to the continued embarrassment of my best friend, Bryan.

          One time Bryan came to visit me when I was a teenager.  He walked into the house and said “Oh, someone dropped their chocolate cookie on the rug.”  That wouldn’t be all that funny except I knew my mother had not done any baking that day.  When I checked out the cookie, it turned out it was a dropping from our dog that had been stepped upon and made flat.

          Noah loves that story.  Noah, please don’t tell that story again when Bryan’s around.  At least, don’t tell it more than five times in a given visit.

          Now, on to the story of the five coats.

          One day, during a brutally cold winter, I took Bryan to visit Archie at the apartment he was living in.  It was always hot in there as old people have a habit of jacking up the heat until it’s only bearable for them.

          Bryan didn’t have a decent coat so he wore five thinner coats to keep out the cold.  When he began to peel back his layers, Archie just kept laughing and laughing.

          That was one of Archie’s favorite stories.

          I told you it was not that funny.  But that story about Bryan and the chocolate cookie is a keeper!

 

          I want to tell another story about Archie that he never remembered because he was sloshed to the gills at the time.

          It might have happened at the same time that Bryan came to visit me at Archie’s place.  I don’t remember exactly but I recall that Bryan was there.

          This particular visit to Archie took place around Christmas because Archie had just received his Christmas basket that some group always gave out to lonely seniors so they could make themselves Christmas dinner.  It did wonders to address their hunger but did nothing to address their loneliness.

          Anyway, every year Archie would get this basket of food with a turkey or a ham and assorted vegetables and other goodies.  He couldn’t eat it all.  It was too much for him and he’d always call me to come and take away what he couldn’t use.  He never had much of a stomach…at least not for food anyway.

          On this one occasion Archie had a plastic bag full of potatoes that he wanted to give to me.  I don’t know why he always wanted to give these things to me.  Whenever I visited him there was always some other elderly person visiting him and who, like Archie, was always imbibing heavily.  Maybe the other person’s stomach was set against food, too.

          Archie and the two other seniors were well into their cups when he trotted out this plastic bag.  Oh, there were potatoes in there alright but there was also the content of someone’s stomach.  It took everything I had to keep from gagging.

          I just told Archie that the potatoes had gone rotten.  He didn’t act surprised.  He quickly offered me a head of broccoli in place of the potatoes.

          Bryan and I chucked the broccoli into a snow bank on the way home.

 

          In the years that Archie was in the Manor, I was the only member of my family that visited with him.  I had always tried to convince my parents and my siblings to drop in on him but it never happened.  I was as successful at getting them there as I had been at getting Archie out.

          I visited Archie a few times every year with the visits eventually dwindling to one in the summer and one at Christmas.  We laughed at the same stories each time and Archie passed on family history that had been deprived from me when I was growing up.  I suspect that these were stories that others would not have wanted anyone to repeat.  But that didn’t stop Archie.

          The last time I saw Archie was in the spring.  An aunt of mine had passed away and I went to relay the news to Archie.  He didn’t seem comforted that he had outlived her.  In fact, none of us had expected Archie to live as long as he did.  We were sure that drink would have taken him long before that.  As with the end of every visit, Archie concluded with “bye for now.”

          I had planned to visit Archie that Christmas and had settled on a date the following week as my schedule permitted.  Christmas wouldn’t really start for me until I had visited with him and offered up one more time to take him home for Christmas dinner and have him excuse his way out of it again.  It was a ritual I believe that both of us enjoyed.

          A few days before I was to visit with him, he took seriously ill and was admitted to hospital.  I tried to get away to see him at the hospital but they weren’t allowing visitors.  He died shortly thereafter.   

          A funeral was held for Archie on the very day on which I was to have visited him at The Manor.  My father and I were the only members of my family to attend.  It was a short service and only a handful of relatives attended.  He was cremated and buried next to his brother.  Archie had finally left The Manor

          On top of a podium, in the funeral parlor, next to Archie’s urn, was a picture of Archie in younger days.  He was old even in that picture.

          I wanted so much to take the photo with me as I have no pictures of Archie and I wanted something for remembrance.  But it occurred to me that I had plenty to remember Archie by and most of it was of our visits and what he remembered.  This was our final Christmas visit.  I looked at the picture and, choking on my words, whispered “Bye For Now.”

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »