The False Ducks Blahg

HEY, REMEMBER THAT ADDENDUM BLAHG ABOUT DOTTIE REID WHERE I SAID I MIGHT HAVE TO WRITE AN ADDENDUM BLAHG TO THE ADDENDUM BLAHG?

July 29th, 2025

Almost two years ago on August 19, 2023 I penned a blahg entitled WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT BLAHG ON DOTTIE REID? In it I detailed what I could find about the singer Dottie Reid. Part of what I wrote at the time stated: “It’s hard to create a definitive list of Dottie Reid’s recordings because I have not found an official discography. From the BandChirp biography of Dottie and the obituary above, we can note that she made recordings with Benny Goodman, Muggsy Spanier, and Buddy Rich plus the recording with Johnny Blowers and Gang.” I also noted that she had recorded with Johnny Richards’ band on “I’m Gonna See My Baby” from December 4th, 1944. A good resource to find out about vocalists with big bands is the website, www.bandchirps.com. Here’s the information they provided about Dottie Reid for the 1944/1945 period:

Reid was back on the bandstand by February 1944 with Robin Mohr’s orchestra. In July she was with Herbie Fields, but by October she was singing for Johnny Richards, with whom she recorded. A review at the time said Reid looked bored in Richards’ band and had bad stage manners. In April 1945, she joined George Paxton’s outfit, though she was dropped after less than a month. She then joined Randy Brooks in early June but stayed only a few days, leaving to tour with Benny Goodman for seven weeks. She made two recordings with the King of Swing.

So why am I bringing this all up again and why is the title to this blahg so long? Good questions. Read on.

The current Dottie Reid update is not directly tied to that first blahg I wrote on her. In fact, I wrote a follow-up blahg, HEY, REMEMBER THAT BLAHG ABOUT DOTTIE REID I FINALLY WROTE?, where I posted some live remotes she had performed with the Buddy Rich Orchestra in 1946. I had not acquired them when I wrote the first blahg but later received them and highlighted them in the second blahg. I also mentioned a couple of songs she recorded on the Tonex label in 1953 and said “I could find no updates for the Tonex recordings but I’ll keep looking. Maybe someday I’ll find those recordings and have to pen another addendum blahg with the title, “HEY, REMEMBER THAT ADDENDUM BLAHG ABOUT DOTTIE REID WHERE I SAID I MIGHT HAVE TO WRITE AN ADDENDUM BLAHG TO THE ADDENDUM BLAHG?” Sorry, I haven’t found the Tonex recordings but I did find something else that warranted me dusting off the long Addendum title for this new blahg.

There is a reason why I posted about the 1944/1945 period earlier in this blahg and specifically how she had been associated with the Johnny Richards band. I was doing some research, trying to locate the two Tonex recordings when I came across a listing for a Victory Parade of Spotlight Bands from March 10, 1945 featuring the Johnny Richards band with Dottie Reid doing a couple of vocals. I found an advertisement for the appearance but it didn’t mention Dottie Reid:

I was able to find the entire show and was able to confirm that Dottie Reid was on the program and sang “A Little On The Lonely Side” and “I’ve Got To See My Baby.” The latter song was the one she recorded with Richards’ outfit on December 4th, 1944. Here’s that recorded version:

And now here’s the full Victory Parade of Spotlight Bands from March 10, 1945:

I was going to end this blahg with that remote but another interesting recording caught my eye that certainly fits into this addendum. A few times, I have seen “Dottie Reid” referred to as “Dotty Reid.” I came across a recording from 1945 on the Guild label with George Paxton Orchestra that credits the vocal to “Dotty Reid.” Have a look at the label:

Is Dotty Reid the same as Dottie Reid? I believe it is because the BandChirps website said “In April 1945, she joined George Paxton’s outfit, though she was dropped after less than a month.” That’s good enough for me. Less than a month with the band but she at least got to record with Paxton’s orchestra. Give “Bell Bottom Trousers” a listen:

I also came across a listing for another Guild label release of the George Paxton Orchestra with another vocal by Dotty Reid. The song is “Stormy Crossing”:

Unfortunately, I could not find anywhere to stream “Stormy Crossing” and the discography for Dotty Reid with George Paxton on the Guild label that I found only lists her on “Bell Bottom Trousers” and “Stormy Crossing”:

That’s it for this addendum to the addendum blahg on Dottie Reid. Two live versions of one song we’ve heard and one we haven’t plus a “Dotty Reid” recording with the George Paxton Orchestra. I’ll keep trying to find those Tonex recordings and the other Guild label release. I’ll have to shorten the title of that blahg if I do find them. How about “Dottie Reid Addendum Cubed?” It has a nice ring to it!

Tags: Dottie Reid, False Ducks, Johnny Richards, Scott Henderson
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ANOTHER ROUND OF HOLIDAYS!

July 22nd, 2025

About a year ago, exactly July 24th, 2024, I posted a blahg called WHAT PRICE HOLIDAYS? It was all about my week of holidays I took in July and I thought I would visit that theme because I’m just coming off another week of holidays. Let me just say this past week’s holidays were better than the week I took off last October. My Mother’s house burned at that time and I’m still dealing with the ramifications of that. You can read more about that ordeal in the blahg, TWICE IN A LIFETIME…IS TOO MUCH. Some interesting things happened for me last week so I’ll jump into it with a bang.

Okay, so this didn’t happen during my holidays but it was the bang that started everything off. Two weeks ago on July 14th I fell. Here’s what I posted about that on my Facebook:

Here’s a cautionary tale for you.

Yesterday, I fell out of the shower and went ass over tea-kettle onto the floor. Still don’t know how it happened. I slipped somehow and went out the back side onto my backside.

We have a clawfoot tub with an oval shower surround so there’s shower curtains on both sides. Our tub goes across diagonally so there’s very little space behind the tub and up to the wall. You can look at the two photos below. Sometimes one of our cats likes to crap back there and we have to climb over into the space and clean it up. Yesterday, the shower curtain slowed me down but I fell into that small space on the other side of the tub with the shower curtain between me and the inevitable cat crap left by our cat. I was in lots of pain and screaming and yelling for Jeanette. She was asleep in another part of the house and couldn’t hear me.

I managed to wriggle out behind the back of the tub; all the while screaming my head off. I got out to the front side where my metal clothes hamper was sitting and started banging on that and eventually Jeanette heard that and came to my rescue. She helped me up and then helped clean the cat litter off me so I could get dressed and go to the hospital. I thought my neck was going to snap off and felt every bump on the way to Picton. Two rounds of X-rays in Picton and then sent to Belleville for a cat scan. Nothing broken but if they’d done a cat crap scan they might have found some on my side or back.

I had to wear a neck brace all day but 8 hours later, I was back at home without the brace. Advil and Blue Ice gel and I’m back to work today but my neck is still really sore. I can’t watch any tennis matches for a while.

What’s the lesson here? I don’t know. Don’t shower alone? I’m not going to admit getting old and needing grab bars. It was a fluke. I showered this morning and was fine but very cautious. I could have imagined what would have happened if I couldn’t get out from behind the tub and the paramedics had to come. I know they’d have taken pictures and posted it on their secret online site where they talk about what stupid humans get up to.

Here are the photos I posted:

The injury plagued me during the week before my holidays and during my week off. Oh yes, apparently, according to my wife’s Aunt Sandra, a retired nurse, they put the neck brace on backwards at the hospital…at least that’s what she said when she saw the above photo.

Another thing that started before my holidays but continued during my holidays was the disassembly of our old upright piano. My wife wanted it gone and it was too heavy to remove in one piece. We watched some videos about taking it apart and thought we could handle it. I rely again on Facebook but this time it’s what my wife posted to her Facebook on July 8th:

Next project is reorganizing the dining room. Getting rid of a big desk and moving my cedar chest on to someone else who would care for it is part of the plan. Before that happens though we need to say good bye to the piano. It’s actually our oldest daughter’s piano and she was the only one who ever learned. It’s lived with us for about 23 years or so and moved with us once. If memory serves me right, I believe it originally came out of CML Snyder Elementary School and was lovingly restored by a friend of ours who did that back in the day. (Rick Moynes, you did an awesome job!) It was a beautiful piece of furniture. Unfortunately, today you can’t give them away and we are unable to move it out of our house so we are taking it apart. We are working on getting the right tools to loosen the strings so we can continue taking it apart carefully. If anyone would like pieces to repurpose or create some kind of sculpture/ art work, let me know!

Here are the photos Jeanette posted:

We managed to order the correct tool from Amazon to remove the strings:

Of course, we needed to find an adapter that would allow this tool to fit into a socket wrench and our drill. That came from Canadian Tire and we began to remove some of the strings before my holidays began. I’ll get back to the topic of the disassembly later as it fits into my holidays timeline.

I always take a week of holidays in July with the first weekend being our annual visit to the Transformers or TF Con in Mississauga. In the blahg, WHAT PRICE HOLIDAYS? I talked about our 2024 visit. This year was a lot of fun as well. One of the big highlights of the convention is always visiting the Dealer Room. Here’s a quick video of me in the Dealer Room on Saturday morning July 12th:

I know, I’m officially a geek. Last year I was looking for the Dracula Transformer and I found it. The only thing I had in mind to find this year was a Funko Pop of Cyclonus:

Cyclonus is a character I really like. Unfortunately no one had this Funko Pop. So I settled instead for a Scorponok figure from the Beast Wars line:

There wasn’t much else I was looking for but I happened to stumble, or rather someone else did, on a Micronauts Battle Cruiser. Last year, in 2024, I bought my first Battle Cruiser at the 2024 TF Con. Here’s what it looks like on my shelf:

This year, I was browsing over a vendor’s booth in the corner at TF Con and I saw him trip over a box on the floor. To my surprise, it was another Micronauts Battle Cruiser but in a box. It looked nearly complete and had the french instruction sheet but that wasn’t a show stopper. I asked if it was for sale and he was surprised because it was a Transformers convention after all and who goes to buy Micronauts? I do! He gladly stated it was for sale at $50. I think I paid $30 or $35 last year for a near 75 percent complete version not in box. Here’s a couple of photos of this year’s Battle Cruiser purchase:

Unfortunately, the motor or the remote in last year’s version didn’t work. More about that later. I was also surprised to learn from the vendor that he had some other Micronauts vehicles and would bring them in the next day. Score! Again, more about that later.

The next day, before making it to the vendor with Micronauts, I managed to spy a Plastic Man in box at a guy in the far opposite corner of the other vendor I came back to see. I’m a big fan of Plastic Man and at $20, and again, in the original box, I felt I couldn’t pass him up. Here’s what he looks like:

Plastic Man is from 2016. He’s going to go on a shelf with my San Diego Comic Con Plastic Man figure and my Plastic Man Funko Pop. Here are pictures of first, the San Diego Comic Con figure, and then the Funko Pop:

Of course there is a Funko Soda Plastic Man and the Chase of the Soda that I don’t own but plan to purchase at some point. Here’s what they look like. The Chase is pictured in the bottom right.

I finally made it to the other corner vendor who had promised me more Micronauts vehicles. He didn’t disappoint. Here’s what he had:

As you can see by the instruction sheet in each photo, the top vehicle is the Galactic Cruiser and the bottom one is the Hydra. Now, I didn’t own the Galactic Cruiser but I already had a Hydra at home. Here is a picture of it on my Micronauts shelf:

My other Hydra is more complete with the rear missile set but the chance to purchase another one with the instruction sheet was very tempting. The vendor wanted $25 a piece but said I could have the pair for $40. That was not a difficult decision. $40 for the pair and both with instruction sheets? It was a great deal I couldn’t pass up. They didn’t have the original boxes but they’re still valuable to be in my collection.

Back to the Battle Cruiser. As I said, my one from 2024 did not have a functioning motor. When I tested this year’s acquisition, I found the motor didn’t work in this one either. I purchased new batteries but that didn’t solve the problem. I decided to take the motor housing apart. Nothing was broken inside that I could tell. I tried to turn the gears by hand to see if they were stuck from age and non-use. That did the trick. It started working perfectly. I tried the same trick on the 2024 Battle Cruiser and it worked it again. Here’s a short video of me operating this year’s purchase:

Now, I just need to find a few figures to sit in the Battle Cruiser as well as the Galactic Cruiser and Hydra. Oh, and I’ll need a new shelf to display everything. That’s part of some remodelling we want to do this year. More on that later.

My daughter Abbie and I had a great time at TF Con as usual. We watched some panels, tried out for the script reading (but neither of us was chosen) and had a great time at the Transformers trivia game show; even if we didn’t win. Here’s a photo of Abbie and I during the game show (we’re on the left):

Basically the name of a Transformer appeared on a screen and we had to take turns giving clues to each other or pass. I think we did okay. The final part was like wheel of fortune where they give you a clue and then they start to reveal letters and members of both teams can buzz in with the answer. Unfortunately, we weren’t great at that. Still, fun time had for our 7th or 8th year of attending. My wife Jeanette was also with us.

Remember when I started off this blahg talking about the fall I had from my claw-foot tub? Well, I left out a part of that story. When I fell, I took the shower curtain down with me and broke the wrap around shower curtain rod. Of course, the one we had is no longer manufactured so I had to order a new one from Amazon. It was waiting on our deck outside our back door when we got back from TF Con.

This is what it is supposed to look like when it’s installed:

The piece at the left end that goes straight up into the ceiling was of course a different size and the rod at the front by the shower head goes straight ahead and our layout needs a rod that goes up into the ceiling. We managed to salvage a piece from our old shower curtain rod to use on the front to run it to the ceiling. We had to drill a new hole for the large rod at the back but we finally got it. We also had to buy a new shower head and a third shower curtain as the new rod is much bigger than the previous one. All this was done on the Tuesday of my holidays. Monday had been spent running my mother to two different Doctor appointments so that doesn’t count.

On Wednesday we went shopping in Kingston. I didn’t find anything. We decided to race back to Belleville for the 3pm showing of “Superman.” We had wanted to go to the movies on Monday but it just didn’t fit into our busy schedule for that day. Here’s what I posted to Facebook:

Saw Superman yesterday. I liked it. A friend of mine was right when he said it was an homage to 1970s Superman comics. I grew up on those so I understood what was going on. It’s not another origin story but you do get Martha and Jonathan Kent but they were a little too hillbilly for my liking. Oh well, after you’ve had Kevin Costner play Jonathan and the even greater Glenn Ford, it’s hard to top those. I’m a big fan of Metamorpho The Element Man so that was a bonus to see that character in the film. Check it out for yourself. That’s the only way you’re going to find out if you’ll like it

My friend Stephen Dafoe said “I really enjoyed the film. It was like running to the corner store with a quarter to grab a Giant-Sized Superman Comic.” If you remember the Giant-Sized Comics for 25 cents then you truly were a child of the 1970s.

Thursday, we went travelling again. When we were driving through Toronto on the way to or from TF Con, I had seen a poster for an upcoming production of “The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.” at the Shaw Festival at Niagara on the Lake. We decided to get tickets for Thursday July 17th and we booked a motel in Niagara Falls that was only 15 minutes away. Here’s some more geeky shots of me at the play:

The bottom photo is of me trying to enter the Wardrobe they had on display in the lobby. Apparently it was not a real entrance to Narnia. The play was great and fun and I’m glad we went.

On the way home from Niagara on the Lake we decided to make a stop at Jerry’s Toys in Vaughan.

Jerry’s Toys is like a Tardis from Doctor Who. It’s small on the outside but it’s huge on the inside. It advertises itself as toys and collectibles but 99 percent of the store are Funkos. Just check out this picture:

That’s just the front half of the store. There’s a whole back section as well. I last visited there in March when I was on the lookout for a Jean LaFoote Funko Pop.

I already had a Cap’N Crunch Funko as well as a Crunchberry Beast:

I was on the hunt for that Jean LaFoote. I had seen LaFoote at a fleamarket in Pickering a few years back but it was very expensive. I also saw him the figure at this year’s Toronto ComicCon but the vendor wanted $75 and the vendor wasn’t very nice when I tried to engage with him about some other pops which he didn’t have. That’s a story for another time. The good news was that Jerry’s Toys had LaFoote for $50. I purchased it along with a few other Funko Pops that interested me. What I didn’t realize until I got home that time was that my Cap’N Crunch was out of sequence. Mine was a different issue with a sword. Mine was number 36 but the Crunchberry Beast was #15 and LaFoote was #16. On researching it further, I found out that first Cap’N Crunch was #14 and had been a Target exclusive:

If I want to be a completist, there is a Cozmic Cap’n Crunch Glow-in-the-Dark Funko Pop and a Cap’N Crunch 10″ Super-Sized Pop that I don’t own:

So, back to the current story, we stopped in at Jerry’s Toys on the way back from Niagara on the Lake and I picked up #14. I also purchased a dozen Funko Sodas. These are smaller figures in aluminum soda cans. There’s no real soda inside. There are chase variants of the Funko Sodas but I didn’t purchase any chases. I was looking for some interesting cartoon characters and I had seen in some of the Jerry’s Toys videos from TikTok that he had some in stock. I had only started looking into the Sodas after I purchased a couple at the Cornwall and Area Pop Event I had attended back in April. Back then, I had picked up Super Chicken and Klondike Kat:

I eventually purchased the Savoie-Faire Soda to go along with Klondie Kat. Savoir-Faire is the nemesis to Klondike Kat in the cartoons. The image below shows the figure I bought and at the bottom right is an image of the chase version.

I have a few other Soda figures. I have a Captain Carter chase figure and a Marty McFly with guitar. My daughter Abbie also purchased me a Dick Dastardly Soda figure when she was at a recent convention in Niagara Falls. The photo below shows the Dick Dastardly figure in front of his Funko Pop version. Below that is the Super Chicken Soda beside his Funko Pop version.

So that left me a Muttley Soda to find to go with my Muttley Pop figure. Luckily, Muttley was one of the dozen Sodas I purchased. The three pictures below are the Sodas I purchased this time around from Jerry’s Toys:

Notice the Muttley in the first picture. Of all of these Sodas, I also own the Funko Pop versions of Rosie, Underdog, Cap’N Crunch, Jean LaFoote, Ricochet Rabbit, Mr. Owl, and Peter Potamus. Someday I’d like to own the Chase versions of all of these figures.

The last part of my summer holiday story brings us back to the disassembly of our old upright piano. This past weekend we got back to it on the Saturday we finally removed the rest of the 240 pegs that held the strings. That left us just with the metal harps on the front and back. The back version was held on by several screws and they were very difficult to remove. I had to soak the bottom ones with penetrating oil overnight and then had to use brute strength, a hammer, a screwdriver, and locking pliers to eventually get them free. Here’s a photo of me on the floor, behind the piano trying to remove the screws:

Here’s a photo of the front cast-iron harp after all the strings were removed:

The gold/brass coloured item is solid cast iron. There was a twin of it on the backside of the piano. The rear version weighed about 250 pounds and the front version was around 300. Jeanette and I managed to get them both out of the house but a neighbour’s friend helped us take the heavier version out to the road. Here are two photos of the rear harp and then the front harp:

If anyone wants free scrap iron, drop by Demorestville and pick it up. There’s some nice wood leftover from the piano that I might try to re-purpose. I still have the shell of the piano left to take apart but it’s out of the house and on our deck:

Hey, if you’re stopping by for the cast iron, please take the shell along, too. Otherwise it’s going to be a saw, chain saw, and sledge hammer and crowbar to break it down. My elbows and arms are still hurting me. At least with the piano out, we can get onto a dining room refresh and possibly a new shelf to house Funkos and my Micronauts….if my wife lets me.

After all that, it was time to go back to work. I’ll take another set of holidays probably in October. Who knows what adventures we’ll have then. Hopefully no disassembly or some assembly required!

Tags: Funko Pops, Funko Sodas, Jerry's Toys, Micronauts, Piano, Scott Henderson, Scott Henderson. False Ducks, Shaw Festival, TFCON, Transformers
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MY 1939 FILMS WATCH LIST – TO 100 AND BEYOND!

July 4th, 2025

Back at the beginning of April I posted my first blahg about my goal of watching as many films from 1939 that I possibly can. 1939 has always been touted as a banner year for films with great films like “The Wizard Of Oz,” “Gone With The Wind,” “Stagecoach,” “Ninotchka,” and “Goodbye Mr. Chips” being some of the classics released. In my blahg MY 1939 FILMS WATCH LIST – PART ONE, I provided a write-up of sorts on the first 30 films I’ve watched from my list and then on April 22nd I published MY 1939 FILMS WATCH LIST – PART TWO. At that time, I had watched 75 films on my way to 100 so I reviewed the next set of 30 up film 60. My plan was not to publish a part three until I had reached my goal. Last night, I watched number 101. I thought it was 100 but I’d lost count and overshot the magic number. Regardless, here’s part three and a recap of films 61 through 101.

Let’s start off by recapping the complete list of 101 films I’ve watched. This last 41 I’d refer to as the good, the bad, and the snooze fest. That last phrase refers to when I fell asleep. Still, don’t let that deter you. Here’s the complete list of 101 films from 1939 that I’ve viewed:

A Child Is Born
Disputed Passage
We Are Not Alone
Dust Be My Destiny
The Girl From Mexico
Frontier Marshall
Good Girls Go To Paris
Honolulu
The Three Musketeers
Cheer Boys Cheer
The Amazing Mr. Williams
Off The Record
The Frozen Limits (fell asleep)
Where’s That Fire
The Kid from Kokomo
The Ice Follies of 1939
All Women Have Secrets (1939)
A Girl Must Live (1939)
$1000 a Touchdown (1939)
…One Third of a Nation… (1939)
Andy Hardy Gets Spring Fever (1939)
Arizona Legion (1939)
Persons in Hiding
Allegheny Uprising
Ask A Policeman (Will Hayes)
Gone With The Wind
Society Lawyer
Code of the Secret Service (1939)
Secret Service of the Air (1939)
Young Abe Lincoln
The Little Princess
East Side of Heaven
Destry Rides Again
Dodge City
Smashing The Money Ring
The Wizard Of Oz
Midnight
Stagecoach
Made For Each Other
Goodbye, Mr. Chips (1939)
20,000 Men a Year (1939)
Flying Deuces
Only Angels Have Wings
Judge Hardy and Son
Charlie McCarthy Detective
Discoveries
Across the Plains
Back Door to Heaven
Hitler – Beast of Berlin
Barricade
In Name Only
King of the Underworld
At The Circus
The Real Glory
Women On The Wind
Gunga Din
Rulers of the Sea
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
The Hound Of The Baskervilles
Beau Geste
After The Thin Man
The Mysterious Miss X
The Hardys Ride High
Three Smart Girls Grow Up
First Love
Ambush
Bad Boy
Bad Lands
Bad Little Angel
I Met A Murderer
Boy Friend
Coast Guard
Boy Trouble
Disbarred
She Married a Cop
The Light That Failed
Night Work
Million Dollar Legs
Island Of Lost Men
Slightly Honorable
The Man In The Iron Mask
Shipyard Sally
My Son Is A Criminal
Smuggled Cargo
Wife, Husband and Friend
6,000 Enemies
Homicide Bureau
S.O.S. Tidal Wave
News Is Made at Night
Sergeant Madden
Panama Patrol
Rio
When Tomorrow Comes
Invitation to Happiness
Taming of the West
They Made Me A Criminal
The Spy in Black
Espionage Agent
The Housekeeper’s Daughter
Undercover Agent
Love Affair

Again, the majority of films on this list have not had DVD releases so I’ve been downloading copies of the more obscure films with the result that some of the versions I have found have ranged from excellent all the way down to just fair.

61.) After The Thin Man. Ah, William Powell and Myrna Loy as Nick and Nora Charles. This is the second film in The Thin Man series. A whodunit murder mystery and a really early film for James Stewart. DVD release and well worth watching.

62.) The Mysterious Miss X. Fast talking murder mystery with no real stars. Mabel Todd adds some comedy but gets annoying after a while. I fell asleep part way through but then woke up to discover the identity of the killer. Can’t even remember much else about it.

63.) The Hardys Ride High. In the first 30, part one, I reviewed “Andy Hardy Gets Spring Fever.” In the second batch I reviewed “Judge Hardy And Son.” Now, in part three, we have the last Andy Hardy film released in 1939. This time, Andy and his family are living the high-life in New York, thinking they’re going to inherit two million dollars. It’s a real test of the small town Hardy morals. Still, very entertaining and available on DVD.

64.) Three Smart Girls Grow Up. Ah, Deanna Durbin. She was the young woman who basically turned around the fortunes of Universal Pictures. I dedicated an entire blahg to her in 2013 after learning she had passed away. You can check it out at THE PUBLIC & PRIVATE LIFE OF DEANNA DURBIN. This is the sequel to the popular “Three Smart Girls” from 1936. Deanna’s mixed up in her older sisters’ love affairs with humorous results. You can never go wrong with a Deanna Durbin film. Oh, and Robert Cummings is in this one. He and Deanna Durbin made a handful of movies together with “It Started With Eve” being one of their best.

65 .) First Love. Deanna Durbin back again with the second of her films released in 1939. This time her costar is Robert Stack. It’s basically a Cinderella story where she’s an orphan who is sent to live with her rich New York relatives who aren’t so very nice to her. Great singing, some nice acting, and Eugene Pallette as Deanna’s uncle who is the only nice relative she has. Over course it’s sappy. Of course the ending is happy. Just watch it.

66.) Ambush. Definitely a “B” picture with no great stars. I should add that Lloyd Nolan is in this one and I think he’s a fine actor. He went on to direct films as well. Four bandits rob a California bank. Gladys Swarthout is the sister of one of the gang members and she wants no part of it. Lloyd Nolan is a truck driver who gets hijacked and tries to help out the female lead. I enjoyed it.

67.) Bad Boy. I couldn’t remember this one so I had to check out the IMDB summary to recall the plot: “Johnny Fraser (Johnny Downs) leaves his mother (Helen MacKellar) in their small home town and sets out for the big city. He obtains a job with a large firm of architects. Steve Carson (Archie Robbins), a fellow employee, is constantly flaunting the money he has won at the race track. Johnny also bets the races, but loses heavily and takes some of the firm’s money to cover his losses. Steve also introduces Johnny to Madelon Kirby (Rosalind Keith), a gold-digging night club singer. When the firm’s boss McNeil (Holmes Herbert) learns that Johnny has embezzled some money, he fires him and has him jailed. Johnny’s mother comes to his aid, but he cannot find work when he is released. Through Steve Carson, Johnny becomes the head of a shady firm, Business Engineers, and is making a lot of money. Madelon returns and she and Johnny are married, but he is unaware that Steve is not only double-crossing him in the business but with Madelon also.” I remember the ending now, sad. Still, I’m glad I watched it even if I couldn’t remember it.

68.) Bad Lands. From Wikipedia: “In 1875, a posse headed by Sheriff Bill Cummings is held at bay by Apache warriors. The posse members are picked off, one by one, until only the Sheriff is left.” I definitely remember this one. It only runs about 70 minutes but has a good cast. It’s a remake of John Ford’s 1934 film, “The Lost Patrol.” Well worth watching.

69.) Bad Little Angel. Okay, I was obviously working my way through an alphabetical list with “Bad Boy”, “Bad Lands,” and now “Bad Little Angel.” Another orphan story, starring another former child star named Virginia Weidler. Virginia is living with an old widow woman who imparts the advice that when in trouble, Virginia should randomly open the bible and plunk her finger down on a passage and do what it says. After the old lady dies, Virginia selects a verse about Egypt and takes all the money she has and goes to Egypt, New Jersey. There she finds friends and a new family and helps everyone out of trouble with her random bible scriptures. Not much of a plot but Virginia is the best thing about this movie.

70.) I Met A Murderer. Really made on a shoestring budget. James Mason is the murderer who is hiding out on the Isle of Wight. Pamela Mason, the real life wife of James Mason, is helping him hide out…or is she? The story is slight but the scenery is gorgeous.

71.) Boy Friend. And yet another child star, Jane Withers, trying to help her brother the cop take down a criminal organization. The thing is he’s undercover and she thinks he’s gone bad. She does some singing and also pursues a military cadet as a love interest. Typical Little Miss Fix-It role for Withers.

72) Coast Guard. Randolph Scott and Ralph Bellamy as two different members of the Coast Guard. Bellamy is friendly and by-the-books while Scott is reckless and devil-may-care. Some good action and some unbelievable action. This is the third movie starring Randolph Scott to be released in 1939. I reviewed “Frontier Marshall” in part one and “20,000 Men A Year” in part two. Scott is a solid actor.

73.) Boy Trouble. This is one of two films the great comic actor Charlie Ruggles made in 1939 as the character Homer C. Fitch. Homer’s wife thinks he’s in a rut so she adopts two boys. The problem is that Homer hates little boys. Some humour and some melodrama. Donald O’Connor plays one of the boys.

74.) Disbarred. How do I explain this one? A lawyer gets disbarred for working with the underworld. He coaches an up-and-coming female lawyer and tricks her into defending his gangster cronies and getting them off. Of course she figures it out and has to work with the District Attorney’s office to go after her mentor. Not great but not bad.

75.) She Married a Cop. Remember I said these films ranged from the good, the bad, and the snooze fest? This is the snooze fest. All I remember about this is a woman hires a police officer to be the singing voice of “Paddy,” the cartoon pig. It’s clearly an early Porky Pig but the cop doesn’t like it. He thinks he’s going to be a star and not provide vocals for a cartoon pig. That’s what I recall before I fell asleep.

77.) The Light That Failed. I like Ronald Colman. “Random Harvest” with Greer Garson and Ronald Colman is one of my favourite films. “The Light That Failed” is based on an 1891 novel by Rudyard Kipling. In part two of my series, I reviewed “Gunga Din” from 1939 which was based on a poem by Rudyard Kipling. Colman is a British Soldier from the Madhist War in the Sudan who retires after a head wound and then takes up painting. He eventually goes blind and he has to cope with the people in his life, not being a soldier, and losing his eyesight. A very nice drama.

77.) Night Work. A sequel to number 73, “Boy Trouble.” Charlie Ruggles as the character Homer C. Fitch is now managing a hotel. The grandfather of the boy played by Donald O’Connor wants to take his grandson back to live with him unless Ruggles can prove he’s tough enough. Some sight gags and William Frawley along as a big-mouth character. Watch it only if you’ve watched “Boy Trouble.”

78.) Million Dollar Legs. Another in the snooze-fest category. The Million Dollar Legs belong to Betty Grable but she doesn’t have much to do in the film. It’s a college film about creating a rowing team and bucking the system of the administration. I think I dozed off for a little bit during the film.

79.) Island Of Lost Men. Great title but another “put me to sleep” film. From IMDB: “A Chinese general, who disappeared in the Malaysian jungles with stolen government funds, is sought by his cabaret-singing daughter who wants to clear his name.” That’s more than I remember. Broderick Crawford is a bad guy and plays it well. Crawford was also in #54 “The Real Glory” and #60 “Beau Geste” which I reviewed in part two.

80.) Slightly Honorable. Broderick Crawford is back again as the pal to Pat O’Brien who is a lawyer framed for murder. Eve Arden is along as his snappy secretary. I fell asleep before the reveal but had to go back and watch it again because it was worth it. A young Ruth Terry steals every scene she’s in.

81.) The Man In The Iron Mask. Based on the novel by Alexandre Dumas, this is the story of royal French twins separated at birth. One is raised as King and rules as a tyrant. The other is raised by d’Artagnan of the Four Musketeers fame. The cruel brother meets his twin and imprisons him and covers his face with an iron mask. Will d’Artagnan and the others save the good twin? You’ll just have to watch it. A great cast in a great swashbuckler.

82.) Shipyard Sally. A musical comedy with Gracie Fields. Last year, I wrote a blahg entitled HAVE YOU WATCHED ANY GOOD MOVIES LATELY? In that blahg, I reviewed two later films by Gracie Fields, “Holy Matrimony” and “Molly and Me.” They also starred Monty Woolley. Gracie Fields was a national British treasure and “Shipyard Sally” was probably very popular in its day. To be honest, I fell asleep. I wanted to give it more attention so I went back to it after a week. Gracie and her Father run a pub in a town where there are shipyards. The government decides to close the shipyards and Sally heads off to meet with a member of parliament to have him change his mind. Cute piece of fluff. I liked Gracie’s singing but it was weaker than the two other ones with Monty Woolley.

83.) My Son Is A Criminal. This one had an interesting premise. A retired police chief hopes his son will follow in his footsteps to join the police force. The retired chief, however, can’t keep himself from investigating the new crime gang terrorizing town. Unbeknownst to the chief, his son is the criminal mastermind behind the new crime wave. No real stars to speak of but enjoyable.

84.) Smuggled Cargo. A corrupt group of fruit growers take advantage of migrant workers and cheat them out of their rightful wages. The son of one of the growers, goes after the gang and sets everything right. Again, no recognizable cast but entertaining none the less.

85.) Wife, Husband and Friend. I watched this film after watching “Smuggled Cargo” because there was a great character actor in both films. George Barbier always played grumpy husbands, cops, or overweight politicians. In this film, he co-stars with Loretta Young as his daughter and Warner Baxter as his son-in-law. Father-in-law’s advice: Don’t let your wife think she’s a singer. It’ll drive you nuts and ruin your life. Of course the son-in-law wants to be a happy husband so he encourages his wife. The problem is she’s not very good. He has a voice and gets tricked into performing on stage by the “and friend” but he gets stage-fright and can’t perform. It all works out in the end but George Barbier as the father-in-law could have said “I told you so” and he’d have been right. He steals all his scenes.

86.) 6,000 Enemies. Walter Pidgeon is lawyer Steve Donegan who gets frame for accepting a bribe and is sent up to prison. The prison is unfortunately full of convicts that Donegan sent up there and they all want a piece of him. He has to survive long enough to prove his innocence. Walter Pidgeon does not disappoint.

87.) Homicide Bureau. A police officer is demoted because of his off-the-books ways. He wants to solve a high profile murder but he’s not assigned the case. He also runs afoul of then befriends the new head of the police lab run by Rita Hayworth. Clocks in at 58 minutes but it gets the story told.

88.) S.O.S. Tidal Wave. Where do I begin with this one? Well, it was on my to watch list because George Barbier was in it. It’s really about the early days of television and Barbier plays Uncle Dan Carter who hosts a kiddy show with his ventriloquist dummy pal. But the movie isn’t even about that. It’s about political corruption and a reporter who won’t don’t the right thing and expose the corruption because his wife and son are threatened. Uncle Dan tries to help but that goes badly. On election day, the crooks try to prevent people from voting by broadcasting footage of a tidal wave destroying the east coast of the United States. People run around in panic. The footage is actually from the 1933 film “Deluge.” It’s too crazy to believe but oh so entertaining.

89.) News Is Made at Night. I like a good newspaper story film. I was hoping better from this film. IMDB description: Newspaper editor will do almost anything to increase circulation. He campaigns to free a condemned man while accusing a wealthy ex-criminal of a string of murders. Tries too hard to be a comedy. George Barbier is in this one as well but the story isn’t strong enough.

90.) Sergeant Madden. Wallace Berry is Irish police office Madden. In 1920s New York, he adopts the son of his partner who dies. He raises him along with his own son and hopes that both will become police officers one day. When they grow up, the biological son becomes a bad copy and the adopted son is true, righteous, and loyal. Directed by the great Josef von Sternberg. He wasn’t too happy about how it turned out but I enjoyed it.

91.) Panama Patrol. Major Phillip Waring, the head of the Cipher Bureau in Washington gets called into the office when he’s supposed to be getting married. He has to decipher a code that leads to a spy ring and to him keeping his fiancée waiting for him to come back and marry her. It’s called Panama Patrol because the gang’s secret plans are to destroy the Panama Canal. They never go there and the film is less than exciting. Still, I stayed awake through this one, so that’s something.

92.) Rio. This one had a lot going for it. Basil Rathbone who is a British con-artist who gets arrested in Paris and sent to a prison on an island off the coast of Rio. He tells his new wife to leave him but she follows him to Rio and works in a nightclub. She plans to wait out his ten year term there. Unfortunately he gets bitter in prison and she falls for a washed up drunken architect played by Robert Cummings. Rathbone escapes from the inescapable prison but then when he meets up with his wife, the movie is over in five minutes. Good story that could have been better. At least in this film, they got to Rio unlike no Panama locales in “Panama Patrol.”

93.) When Tomorrow Comes. Despite what critics thought of this film, I liked it. I’m a big fan of Charles Boyer and he and Irene Dunne are a delight in this film. It starts off as a comedy but them becomes a melodrama. Boyer and Dunne fall in love but he can’t leave his wife because she has mental health issues. This was the second pairing of Boyer and Dunne in 1939. They appeared in the very popular “Love Affair” and the studio was hoping for lightning to strike twice. “When Tomorrow Comes” didn’t do as well but not every movie needs a happy ending.

94.) Invitation to Happiness. I wanted to see another Irene Dunne film. This is one she made with Fred MacMurray and Charlie Ruggles. Irene Dunne’s father invests in a prize-fighter played by MacMurray. Dunne falls in love with the fighter and marries him. They also have a son. He’s always off training and trying to win the next fight but not spending enough time with her or the kid. Again, comedy in the beginning and melodrama by the end. This was another one that could have been much more than it was.

95.) Taming of the West. Short, 55 minute western. The new Sheriff, Wild Bill Saunders, played by Wild Bill Elliott, has to clean up the town. Nothing special here but it was apparently the first in a series of four films to feature the Wild Bill Saunders character.

96.) They Made Me A Criminal. This is the second John Garfield film on my list. The first, #4, was “Dust Be My Destiny.” In this one, Garfield is a boxer who is believed to have murdered someone and is advised to go on the run and change his name. He ends up in Arizona on a farm and meets the East Side Kids. You can check out more about them here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/East_Side_Kids. Some fun scenes as Garfield tries to be the tougher guy but also tries to help save the farm. Good story and good fun.

97.) The Spy in Black. This is a British film released as U-Boat 29 in the United States. Taut spy film about Germans during the first world war trying to sink the British fleet. Watch out for the double-cross. Great movie!

98.) Espionage Agent. Another actor I really admire is Joel McCrea. Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough for him to do in this film. McCrea is an American diplomat working with his wife to try and smash an espionage ring. Brenda Marshall as his wife has more to do in this film than McCrea.

99.) The Housekeeper’s Daughter. I’m not sure if this was meant as a comedy or not. It was directed by Hal Roach who was the genius behind Our Gang, The Little Rascals, and some of the early Laurel and Hardy films. Joan Bennett is The Housekeeper’s Daughter. She used to be the girlfriend of an underworld gangster. Now, she’s a good girl and working with a reporter to try and expose the people behind a murder. Adolph Menjou is very funny as one of the reporters but sometimes the film tries to be way too serious.

100.) Undercover Agent. “A railway postal clerk goes after a sweepstakes counterfeiting ring.” Not much here folks. Some comedy. Some crime. Ultimately, very dull.

101.) Love Affair. This was the first film starring Irene Dunne and Charles Boyer. They meet on a ship sailing to the United States. He’s a renowned French playboy who is engaged to a socialite in New York. She’s also engaged to her boss. They try to fight their attraction to each other and commit to try and improve themselves to see if they are worthy of their relationship. They plan to meet six months later at the top of the Empire State Building if they think they’ve managed to work things out. He’s there but something happens to prevent her from meeting up with him. Will they ever get together? There’s a wonderful scene with the great Russian actress Maria Ouspenskaya as Boyer’s grandmother. If you’ve never heard of her, definitely check out her other films. Directed by Leo McCarey, he would also direct the 1957 remake, “An Affair To Remember,” starring Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr. Of course, Kerr and Boyer would star together in 1939’s “When Tomorrow Comes” which I reviewed earlier. They would do a third film together in 1944, “Together Again.” I haven’t watched that one but it’s definitely on my to-watch list.

Well, there you have it, 101 films from 1939. As I said, I lost count and thought “Undercover Agent” was number 99 and “Love Affair” was number 100. I’m still happy to have “Love Affair” in my list. I won’t discuss the popular films like “Gone With The Wind” and “The Wizard Of Oz” but here are a few that stood out for me that are lesser known:

2) Disputed Passage (Dorothy Lamour in a great story)

3) We Are Not Alone (Paul Muni in an adaptation of a James Hilton novel)

11) The Amazing Mr. Williams (Joan Blondell in a fun movie)

12) Off The Record (Joan Blondell again with Pat O’Brien)

32) East Side Of Heaven (Bing Crosby and Joan Blondell. Nice comedy and good singing)

39) Made For Each Other (James Stewart and Carole Lombard in a melodrama)

51) In Name Only (Another melodrama with Carole Lombard as well as Cary Grant and Kay Francis)

53) At The Circus (The Marx Brothers. Very funny film)

60) Beau Geste (Gary Cooper in a French Foreign Legion mystery adventure)

65) First Love (Deanna Durbin. I really like her films)

73) Boy Trouble (Charlie Ruggles adopts two boys and he hates kids!)

77) The Light That Failed (Ronald Colman in another Rudyard Kipling story)

81) The Man In The Iron Mask (A great Alexandre Dumas story. Action adventure.)

85) Wife, Husband and Friend (Lovely Loretta Young in a funny story with George Barbier as the hilarious father-in-law)

88) S.O.S. Tidal Wave (just because it was so unbelievable and it has George Barbier as a ventriloquist)

93) When Tomorrow Comes (the second pairing in 1939 of Charles Boyer and Irene Dunne. Not as good as Love Affair but still very good)

97) The Spy In Black (Great WW1 spy film)

101) Love Affair (Charles Boyer and Irene Dunne in a great love story)

That’s it for now. I still have a few 1939 films downloaded and will continue to watch them but I’m not going to post a part 4. Who knows though, I might mention a few more of them in a future blahg. Keep checking back.

Tags: 1939, Charles Boyer, False Ducks, Irene Dunne, Scott Henderson
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THE POCKET PAL’S GUIDE TO MURDER

June 10th, 2025

Okay, time for another fully realized original short story by me, Scott Henderson. I have been working on this story for over a month and it hasn’t been easy. My notes show I started the story on May 5th. I finished the final edit yesterday on June 9th. Why so long? Well, let’s give you some point by point excuses why it took so long to write my current story.

1) Get an idea. I had the idea of this pocket device that will do almost everything for you but it’s a little kooky and drives a young woman nuts.

2) Mull it over. Change the setup and then come up with an ending without writing a single word then try and figure out how you’re going to steer your story to your new ending.

3) Write a blahg about Clifford Simak instead. That was my blahg, THAT BLAHG ABOUT CLIFFORD D. SIMAK, that I published on May 13th. I think it’s a good blahg but it was also a distraction.

4) Get obsessed with trying to find some Funko Pops you really wanted. I learned there was going to be a new batch of Jimmy Neutron Funko Pops released and I really wanted them.

My wife managed to find Jimmy Neutron at the Hot Topic store in Kingston. At the same time she also found two of the new Goofy Movie 30th Anniversary Pops:

She picked up Goofy and Max as Powerline. That left Roxanne and Bobby. No one had Bobby. If he was listed anywhere, he was sold out. I know that he was available through Hot Topic because Top Pops through his YouTube channel showed him picking them up. He managed to score Goofy, Max, and Bobby all in one go. The Bobby has a Funko exclusive sticker on him so I knew he’d be hard to locate.

Roxanne was also hard to find. Online Funko shops listed her as coming out on December 31st of this year but that didn’t make any sense. Game Stop’s website listed her as coming out on May 16th. There was a pre-order link to order and pick up in the store but I decided I’d try my local Game Stop on May 16th. No, she was not there. The Game Stop website then showed her as coming out on May 23rd but the pre-order link was gone. I tried Game Stop on May 23rd but no luck. The release date online then shifted to May 30th and the pre-order in store pick up link was back. I ordered it. Game Stop also listed Max and Goofy but had no listing for Bobby. I was able to order a Bobby off of Amazon and it arrived by May 28th. On May 30th I went to my local Game Stop and they had Roxanne for me. They also had Bobby. Just my luck, I had decided to order it from Amazon and pay $10 more than the Game Stop price.

Getting back to the Jimmy Neutron figures, no other website had the two other pops, Carl and Sheen listed so I had to order them from www.funko.com/ca. My wife and I went back to Hot Topic in Kingston on May 24th to see if they might have received Bobby or Roxanne in stock. They didn’t have them. We then went across the road to the Game Stop where I saw Carl and Sheen. By then, I’d already received them in the mail. Game Stop had not listed them on their website but when I got home, I checked their website and they were listed. What gives Game Stop?

5) Celebrate your wedding anniversary on May 30th and pick up Roxanne at Game Stop. Jeanette and I went out to Swiss Chalet then went to the movies, after picking up Roxanne, and saw the new Mission: Impossible movie. It was good. Here’s the photo I posted on Facebook to celebrate our 38th Anniversary. It’s us 38 years ago!

6) Decide to recover our living room floor. Okay, we’ve been thinking about this for a while. We’ve lived in our old house for more than twenty years, and our living room floor has always been a bit of an eyesore. Here’s a couple of before photos that Jeanette took:

We started the job on June 1st by removing all of the furniture and then laying down underlayment over top of the old flooring. We then worked a couple of hours each night and then again a little more on Saturday June 7th and then two smaller pieces on June 8th. We both were sore and tired and realized we had more muscles to spare twenty years ago. Back then, however, we had a full house of kids and cats and not enough money. The flooring was on sale this year at Rona and I bought the underlayment off a guy on Facebook Marketplace. Here’s the result with some during and after photos. The white stuff is the underlayment.

Our cat, Zoey found a spot of sunshine to enjoy along with the new floor. Well worth all our efforts

7) Live your life. Work was busy and we had lots to do and people to see. That was the best distraction.

Finally, the story is done. It’s a little long and little darker than what I usually write and it went off in a different direction than I expected but I think the ending really pulls it together. Enjoy!

THE POCKET PAL’S GUIDE TO MURDER

by

Scott Henderson

The chicken was white. It strutted across the farmyard. It also pecked for food. It did not lay an egg that morning but some other hens did.

“This is garbage,” Sally Hines said aloud after reading out her first attempt at writing a new story.

Sally clicked the A.I. correction button in the word editing software. There were no suggestions.

“That cinches it. You can’t improve on garbage, Anna.” Sally was getting good at expressing her opinions to herself.

“The enigmatic and sudden disappearance of a main character, such as a farmer, would be a great plot device for a mystery story.” Sally turned and looked at her Pocket Pal.

“You’re kidding right, Anna?”

As if to signify it was not kidding, Anna said nothing.

“There’s definitely something wrong with that thing,” Sally thought to herself. She felt it was probably safer not to say it out loud. She didn’t want to deal with a response from Anna.

At first Sally thought the Pocket Pal was a blessing. Now, she wasn’t so sure.

The Pocket Pal had been marketed as the electronic aid that no one should live without. It synced to your phone, your tablet, and your personal computer. It operated on vocal commands to send texts, make phone calls, turn on and off other synced devices, and provided research on anything Sally Hines could think to ask of it.

Sometimes it provided data when Sally Hines did not ask.

“Extrapolating from recent playlists, I have selected the following song for your personal enjoyment.” Sally did like the song that Anna had selected. Still, it was alarming to hear Anna offer the suggestion without being prompted.

“Did you know that Dung Beetles do not necessarily have to eat or drink anything else, because the dung provides all the necessary nutrients?” Anna had offered on another occasion. It had not related to anything in any conversation Sally had ever had with Anna.

“No, I did not know that Anna. Thank you for the information.” Sally had become accustomed to Anna’s idiosyncrasies.

After the Dung Beetle dialogue, Sally thought it was time to review Anna’s manual again. These uninvited information offerings had become more and more frequent and Sally wanted to be sure that it wasn’t something she had wrongly set in Anna’s programing.

The manual offered nothing insightful. There was some dribble about thanking the user for their discerning purchase and how they should be prepared to have their life changed for the better. Beyond that it was simple steps about harmonizing the Pocket Pal to all other devices, vocal recognition, and choosing a voice suitable to the user’s needs. Customization of voice followed a section on naming your new Pocket Pal to suit your whim. Sally had chosen a pleasing female voice and called her device Anna. It wasn’t without thought. Anna had been the name of Sally’s imaginary friend when she was younger. Now she was more than Sally’s imaginary friend, she was Sally’s Pocket Pal.

Initially, it was simple. All Sally had to do was to say Anna’s name and then instruct her on what Sally wanted her Pocket Pal to do. Anna had both a microphone and a speaker. Anna could send texts and make phone calls. She could create reminders with Sally’s prompting. Anna was also intuitive and would let Sally know if there were upcoming events from Sally’s texts or calendar. At those times, it would be Anna who would prompt Sally.

Comparable in size to a deck of cards, it was simple to carry Anna in a purse, a bag, or in a pocket; as her marketed name suggested. For an extra fee, you could purchase a holster that could be worn on the waist or adjusted to secure to the forearm or even between the elbow and shoulder area. Sally had opted for the latter. She often thought of rolling Anna up in her shirt sleeve like a pack of cigarettes. She’d seen the cool kids do that when she’d attended high-school even though Sally had never been part of that group.

When it came to friends, Sally could not boast great success. Her imaginary friend Anna had been her constant companion in her pre-teen years and she struggled to make lasting connections later on. Even her ex-boyfriend Bryce had turned out to be a jerk. Sally often thought that if she asked her Pocket Pal for a generated list of names for a jerk type character that the name Bryce would be close to the top.

Sally hated Bryce. The feeling had been immediate and lasting after their breakup. In reality it hadn’t been much of a breakup. Bryce had admitted to Sally by text that he had met someone else and he and Sally were through. He didn’t even have the compassion to add ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’ Even ‘it’s been fun’ or ‘I wish you the best’ would have been something. Sally hated Bryce.

When Bryce left, Sally cried for days. Anna had been her only friend during that period. Anna would play sad songs or happy songs or offer advice like “I am here for you Sally if you have any requests” or “many people indulge in substantial doses of ice-cream and Netflix following the end of a relationship.” Well, they may not have been tailored expressly for Sally but she took comfort knowing she could talk to Anna and not be judged.

Sally’s healing process after Bryce had been to throw herself back into her writing. She’d always enjoyed writing fiction and as a youth she had included her fictional friend Anna in many of her literary efforts. When she was with Bryce, she hadn’t found time to indulge in writing. She was focussed on the relationship and between her day job and Bryce she had been busy enough. Sometimes as an Event Coordinator everything else had to take second place. Events weren’t always a daytime occurrence. Occasionally there were evening galas or weekend weddings or holiday experiences. Maybe Sally had not given all of her attention to Bryce and maybe he’d wanted her entire focus to have been on him. No, Sally thought, he’d been a jerk. Skimpy floral arrangements or miscoloured balloon schemes or insufficient chair rentals couldn’t handle themselves. Sometimes Sally had to step in. Bryce should have understood that. He didn’t and that’s why he was a jerk…as well as how he’d broken things off. Sally hated Bryce.

Writing, at times, could be cathartic but since Bryce, Sally had found it more of a chore and the words did not always come easy to her. She’d find herself using the A.I. editing software more often or would turn to Anna and ask for synonyms or suggestions for locales. The current chicken scenario had proven to Sally her creative processes were slowly running dry.

Sally thought again about Anna’s suggestion that she kill off the farmer in her current story. Well, that hadn’t been exactly what Anna had suggested but it was close enough.

“Anna, what was that you said about the mysterious disappearance of a main character making for an interesting read?”

“The enigmatic and sudden disappearance of a main character, such as a farmer, would be a great plot device for a mystery story,” Anna repeated.

“That’s what I thought you said,” Sally replied. Anna’s unsolicited suggestion, although disturbing at first, might prove to be helpful after all.

“Anna, if you were stuck for a story idea, what suggestions could you offer for a suitable plot idea?”

“Currently, themes of sex or murder factor significantly in the bestselling novels,” came Anna’s reply.

“Well Anna, there’s certainly none of either of those happening around here,” Sally offered as a response.

“You once told me you hated Bryce,” Anna countered.

Sally was taken aback. What did Anna mean by that? Was she suggesting that the murder of Bryce was a good idea or was she reminding Sally that she shouldn’t dwell on the lack of sexual activity in her life because Sally’s last partner had turned out to be a jerk?

“Revenge themed murders rank highly among the most popular mystery stories,” Anna continued.

“We’re talking about a story idea, right Anna?” Sally wasn’t quite certain of Anna’s meaning.

“There are certain toxins in plant varieties that when combined correctly can produce an undetectable poisonous substance. I have just sent the information to your cell phone.” Sally’s phone chimed with the notification of data received to the Pocket Pal app.

Sally scrolled through the material. Anna had been very thorough. Oddly, all of the plants suggested by Anna were easily available. Sally had another very uneasy feeling about her Pocket Pal.

“Anna, I asked you before if we were talking about a story idea?” Anna had not directly answered Sally’s initial question.

“Mark Twain was famously attributed as saying ‘write what you know’.”

“What does that mean? I don’t know anything about murder.” Sally wasn’t sure what to do now about Anna. Anna was offering inappropriate suggestions. Or was she?

“You once told me you hated Bryce. I have sent information to your phone regarding certain toxins in plant varieties that when combined correctly can produce an undetectable poisonous substance.” Anna was now merging previous statements to formulate a new response. Sally was left to make the conclusion that Anna was indeed suggesting she murder Bryce and was providing Sally with the means to do it.

None of this made any sense. Sally had been talking about writing a story that involved murder and Anna was suggesting an actual murder as inspiration for the story. Write what you know. That’s what Anna was suggesting. Could she really write a murder themed story? Sally Hines had to give it more thought.

Sally decided to go for a run to clear her head. She left all of her electronic devices at home. She didn’t say anything to Anna. Anna didn’t need to know. She wouldn’t even miss Sally.

During her run, Sally tried to set aside everything Anna had said. It had all been literary advice but the way Anna had repeated herself about the toxins and Sally’s hatred of Bryce was off-putting.

Sally tried to focus on her run. It didn’t help. Subconsciously she steered herself along a route that included places she once visited with Bryce. She even found herself running past Bryce’s apartment building. When she realized where she was, she stopped to silently mouth “I hate you Bryce.” Anna had picked up on that. Sally thought she had let go of Bryce but it was apparent that Sally’s loathing of Bryce had not abated.

Sally abandoned all attempts at writing over the following days. Every time she sat anywhere near her computer, Anna would randomly recite facts that seemed to be spurring Sally toward action.

“Unsolved murders, often referred to as cold cases, are a significant issue, with a substantial percentage of homicide cases remaining unresolved. Approximately fifty percent of all murder cases go unsolved.”

“Nearly 346,000 cases of homicide and non-negligent manslaughter went unsolved from 1965 to 2023, according to the FBI’s Uniform Crime Report.”

“Getting Away with Murder is the fourth studio album by American rock band Papa Roach.”

“How to Get Away with Murder was an American television series that premiered on the American Broadcasting Company on September 25, 2014, and concluded on May 14, 2020.”

Sally lay awake at night and ran over everything in her head. Anna wanted her to kill Bryce. She had provided Sally with the means. She had been suggesting that Sally could get away with murder. Sally hated Bryce. Bryce’s murder would make for great inspiration for a story. Write what you know. Sally didn’t know murder but Anna had made it sound so easy. And Sally hated Bryce. There was always that.

“Anna, wouldn’t the person taste the poison brewed from the toxins of plants?” Sally asked of Anna after another night of restlessness. She wasn’t resolved to the idea of murdering Bryce so she treated the information gathering from Anna as research for the eventual story she would write.

“Some bitter tastes can be disguised by spices such as cinnamon or cardamom. Strong tea or coffee flavours can also mask overwhelming flavours.”

“Solar Eclipse, Anna. Solar Eclipse.” Sally was just musing aloud and didn’t expect an answer form Anna. Sally had developed a thought regarding hiding the bitter taste of a poison.

“A solar eclipse occurs when the Moon passes between the Earth and the Sun, blocking the Sun’s light. This can result in a total, annular, or partial eclipse, depending on the relative positions of the Sun, Moon, and Earth.”

“I’m not talking about that Anna, I meant…”

“Carly Simon’s 1972 song ‘You’re So Vain’ contains the lyrics ‘I hear you went up to Saratoga and your horse naturally won, then you flew your Lear jet up to Nova Scotia to see the total eclipse of the sun.’ “

“Coffee, Anna. I’m talking about coffee.”

“Solar Eclipse is a brand of dark roast coffee. It is known for its bold, intense taste and robust aroma. The beans are roasted for a longer time and at a higher temperature than lighter roasts, which results in a more pronounced, bittersweet flavour with a hint of smokiness.”

“That’s enough Anna. I know what Solar Eclipse is. I’m the one who brought it up.”

Sally hated Solar Eclipse just as much as she hated Bryce. It had been Bryce’s favourite and she couldn’t stand the smell of it. She thought it was overpowering but she had always kept some on hand whenever Bryce was staying over. Sally was more of a lighter roast or breakfast blend fan when it came to coffee. She’d found a few of Bryce’s coffee machine pods in her apartment after the breakup. She had tried one to see why Bryce had liked it so much. Part of her had thought that if she learned to like everything Bryce liked then maybe she could win him back. She hated the coffee. It bolstered her hatred of Bryce even more. She eventually threw out the remaining pods.

Sally began to think more and more about the method of murder and concealing the toxin taste in the dark roast coffee. It could be done but how to get him to drink it? She and Bryce weren’t together anymore and she was sure he would be suspicious of any invitation from her to meet up for coffee; poisoned or otherwise.

“Anna, how much poison concocted from certain toxins in plant varieties would it take to kill the average human being?” Sally had come to the realization that she needed to be specific when asking anything of Anna.

“On average 1.5 to 2mm of a poisonous substance is enough to be fatal to a human being.” Anna could also be specific.

Sally began to make notes of what she was considering to be the perfect murder. The specific plant varieties were easily obtainable. She would need to crush these down to a fine powder and mix them thoroughly. Sally also gave considerable thought to the method of delivery. She recalled the coffee pods she had discovered after Bryce’s departure and how strongly they had smelled and tasted. If she could somehow insert the toxins directly into the pod then when it was brewed the resulting beverage would be the perfect lethal combination.

The more Sally worked on her plans the more she became resigned to the idea that she really could get away with murdering Bryce. The deciding factor was when she found Bryce’s spare key in the pocket of a jacket she hadn’t worn in a while. When Bryce had texted her about the key she said she had thrown it away. She didn’t want to admit she’d lost it.

Sally Hines now had means, method, and opportunity to end the life of her ex-boyfriend Bryce. The more she had planned and the more she had thought about it in the context of story writing, the more she realized she was just deluding herself. She had never gotten over Bryce’s betrayal and that hatred had continued to consume her.

She began to stalk him online. She checked out his social media presence and read with disgust everything he posted. He was with someone new now. Sally wasn’t sure what numbered incarnation of companions this one was since the split or if the newest one was a stopping point on the way to the next.

“A social media influencer? He’s dating a social media influencer, Anna! We used to make fun of those types of people.” Sally’s latest outburst was after checking out Bryce’s newest girlfriend’s online profile.

“‘Social media influencers can negatively impact followers through the promotion of unrealistic beauty standards, misinformation, and unethical consumption behaviors. They can also contribute to mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and body image dissatisfaction, especially among vulnerable youth.” Anna had opinions of her own that oddly matched those of the Pocket Pal’s owner. Sally was not oblivious of the fact.

“A blonde Foodie! Is there anything worse? She’s rail thin for crying out loud. What does she even know about food Anna?”

“A Foodie is a person who has a strong passion for food, going beyond simply eating to encompass a deep appreciation for the culinary arts, food culture, and the overall experience of eating.”

Sally ignored Anna’s information and continued on with her rant. “And that hair colour? It’s probably a dye job, Anna!”

“In Renaissance Italy, people dyed their hair blonde with horse urine.”

Sally looked over at Anna and laughed.

“Exactly! A horse piss hair coloured phony who wouldn’t know a sandwich from a sandcastle. He deserves someone like her.” Sally was quickly building up a hatred for the social media influencer that rivaled her hatred of Bryce.

The murder had now moved beyond literary conjecture and soon became an obsession with Sally. She threw herself into her event planning duties with fervor as a distraction but the idea of killing Bryce and not being discovered drove her on.

Eventually she organized her campaign and began to set things in motion. She purchased the plants at a local nursery. No one was the wiser. How could anyone know her intent to combine castings from the vegetation to create a deadly substance? She ordered a syringe and the Solar Eclipse pods from an online source. The e-tailer was known for its extensive online marketplace, where people could buy a wide variety of products without question. Sally added a blonde wig to her order at the last minute.

The idea for the wig was inspired by Bryce’s influencer paramour. Sally understood it would be impossible to visit Bryce’s apartment building as herself. She’d been there before when they’d been a couple and people might recognize her. Sally knew she’d need a disguise. The ensemble was completed with a hooded sweatshirt she could pull up to be partially concealed. She would also wear a medical mask. Although it had been a few years since the pandemic, there were still pockets of citizens who wore the masks out of concern. Some people were usually surprised to see others continuing to wear them but then they’d just as quickly look away and dismiss it as nothing oddly abnormal.

Anna was very helpful when it came time to render the foliage into a useable substance.

“To dry and crush leaves in an oven, first wash and dry the leaves, then arrange them on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Bake at the lowest oven temperature, ideally below 180 degrees Fahrenheit or 82 degrees Celsius, with the door slightly ajar for several hours, until the leaves are completely dry and crumble easily. Once cooled, the leaves can be crushed by hand or with a mortar and pestle.”

Sally crafted a homemade mortar and pestle from a deep mixing bowl and a metal soup ladle. She crushed copious amounts of the leaves of the three plants together. She wasn’t sure how much was too much or how little was too little so she opted on the side of ample quantities to ensure enough toxins would be present in the resulting poison.

She removed two Solar Eclipse pods from their packaging. One she brewed in her coffee machine and the other she set aside. She spooned some of the brewed liquid into the mixing bowl and stirred everything together. When she thought it was not a thin enough material, she added more liquid until she was sure the concoction was the right consistency.

With the syringe she drew up a full count of the fluid and then carefully injected the contents into the top of the coffee pod she had set aside. Sally made sure not to make the size of the hole too noticeable. There was a solar eclipse design rendered in the foil covering the pod and she inserted the needle in one of the darkest spots of the image. If Sally didn’t know what to look for, she was sure she would have missed the hole completely. She set the pod aside again to fully absorb the liquid and to cure overnight.

“Tomorrow’s the day Anna. I hope I’m ready.”

“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6, Verse 34.” Anna was no help in this instance.

Sally hardly slept at all that night. She ran over everything in her head. She tried not to question what she was doing. She was beyond that. Sally had consigned herself to her mission. She hated Bryce and his murder would make for great inspiration. In her mind, he deserved what was coming. He was a jerk.

Part of her restlessness also related to the biblical quotation from Anna. There was something oddly familiar about it and something nagging her about the passage. It seemed incomplete like there was a part missing. Sally thought of asking Anna but she had the odd feeling that Anna would not be completely forthcoming. It wasn’t that she thought Anna was capable of lying but omission of facts seemed deliberate as a way to guide Sally to action.

Hadn’t all of this been at Anna’s suggestion; directly or not? First it had been the recommendation of murdering the farmer in Sally’s chicken story. Then it was information about plants and toxins and poison and how to get away with murder. Sally dismissed the part about the dung beetle because it didn’t seem to have correlation to any of the other events. With Anna, however, you never could tell.

Sally tried to put it all out of her mind. “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” Sally was past worry. She’d planned and prepared. All that was left was the act.

She rose early and laid out what she needed. She checked the poisoned coffee pod. It had not leaked overnight. She shook it firmly and there was no sloshing sound. Everything was dry. She marvelled again at her own ingenuity of using some of the brewed coffee as a binding agent to the leaf toxins. It would add to the flavour. Anna had not helped with that bit. Sally had come up with it all on her own.

Sally called in sick to work. It would be a light day anyway and besides her assistant could handle anything that came up. Sally had more pressing things in her schedule.

At midmorning she made her way over to Bryce’s apartment. No one gave her a second look. The blonde wig didn’t seem to be out of place nor did the mask. The city had seen odder sights.

Sally went about her business as if it were routine. She didn’t want anyone to think she was there for nefarious purposes. She walked cautiously but confidently up to Bryce’s apartment as if she were meant to be there. In her mind, this was exactly where she was meant to be. Everything had led to this.

She hesitated only briefly when a fleeting thought crossed about the possibility of Bryce being in the apartment. He shouldn’t be. She knew his schedule. He shouldn’t be there. He’d always pack a lunch and remain at work until the end of the day. This had been his pattern when they’d been together and nothing from his online profile had suggested any changes.

Sally rang the buzzer and waited. There was no sound from inside. There was nothing to indicate activity from within. She tried her key in the lock. It still fit. Typical Bryce, she thought, he’d probably been too lazy to change the lock or didn’t think Sally was a threat with an outstanding key. She turned the lock, opened the door and slipped inside.

Sally had been correct. There had been no one home. She looked around. Little had changed. There were some new photos on the wall. Bryce and his blonde bimbo made a lovely pair, Sally thought. She thought it but she didn’t believe it.

Bryce’s kitchen was the same. He still kept his coffee pods in a carousel on the counter next to the machine. She grabbed up one and checked the foil label. It was still the Solar Eclipse brand. At least he had loyalty in coffee choice if not in women. She turned and looked at one of the photos of Bryce and his new girlfriend and then wondered to herself how long the Foodie would last.

Sally slipped the coffee pod into a pocket of her hooded sweatshirt and from the other pocket produced the poisoned version. She placed it in the vacant spot in the carousel and gave it a quarter spin so the row containing the laced product was not readily visible. Bryce would eventually get to that selection. It didn’t need to be immediate.

In addition to the other parts of her disguise, Sally had worn surgical gloves. She had several left over from the pandemic. She had kept her hands within her pockets until she entered the apartment. You can’t get away with murder if you leave fingerprints behind.

Sally took one last look around. Part of her wanted to leave evidence that she’d been there. She wanted Bryce to realize it had been her as he lay gasping his last breath. In the end, she did nothing. She’d done enough. It was only important that Sally knew that she was responsible for Bryce’s death.

She looked through the peep hole in the door to see if anyone was in the hall. After assuring herself there wasn’t, she quietly slipped out and locked the door behind her.

Once in the street, Sally began to walk a circuitous route back to her own apartment. Along the way she removed the mask and gloves and deposited them in a street trash container. Further on, she removed the wig and tossed it into another receptacle. She dropped Bryce’s spare key down a sewer grate. She still kept her head down on the journey home. Now, it was just a matter of time.

Once inside the safety of her own unit, she threw up. She spent several minutes in the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face and tried to calm herself.

Later she bundled the remnants of the discarded plants with the remainder of the Solar Eclipse pods and their packaging. She tossed them into her kitchen waste container, securely tied the bag, and then calmly walked it out and tossed it into the bin out back of her complex.

She returned inside and threw up again. She then lay on the bed and began to weep. It was more out of exhaustion and the end of the adrenalin rush associated with the feat of setting a murder scene. Sally Hines then fell asleep.

She’d had next to no sleep the night before and the fatigue of everything enveloped her and she slept hard. She dreamt of Bryce and their time together. She was happy. They were happy. Suddenly Bryce died and she was all alone and wracked with emotion and grief. She woke with a start and then dashed to the bathroom. There was nothing left inside her so she dry heaved, splashed water on her face again, and tried to make sense of her dreams.

It couldn’t be guilt. She easily dismissed that notion. If she’d felt guilt all along then she wouldn’t have followed through with her poisoned pod scheme. Sally turned to Anna for answers.

“Anna, I don’t suppose you know the meaning of a dream about grief without there being a death? Well, not yet, at least.”

“A dream involving grief and loss without actual death often symbolizes a period of change, transition, or the end of a chapter in your life. Such dreams can serve as a way for your subconscious to process and work through unresolved emotions or a sense of loss, even if it’s not directly related to death. It may also reflect feelings of sadness, betrayal, loneliness, or a sense of emptiness.”

Anna had pegged her to the core. She had felt betrayed by Bryce. Now she was alone. She was lonely. Her life felt empty. Anna was her only friend. Sally felt depressed.

Now, the guilt began to seep in for real. Her dream had showed her that she’d been happy…once. Yes, Bryce had been a jerk but did he really need to die? She’d taken a once happy experience and had twisted it with her anger toward Bryce.

“Anna, what have I done? I loved Bryce! He doesn’t deserve to die.”

“You once told me you hated Bryce. The enigmatic and sudden disappearance of a main character, such as a farmer, would be a great plot device for a mystery story. Currently, themes of sex or murder factor significantly in the bestselling novels,”

“This isn’t a novel Anna, this is real life! What have I done?”

Anna didn’t reply. It was as if Anna’s silence was deliberate to compound Sally’s feelings of guilt.

What had Sally done? That’s all she could think. What had she done and what could she do? Nothing could be undone. The disguise was gone and more importantly the key was gone. She could not get back into Bryce’s apartment to retrieve the poisoned pod.

“Maybe it won’t work, Anna. Maybe the dose wasn’t correct. Maybe Bryce will just become ill. Maybe he won’t die.”

“On average 1.5 to 2mm of a poisonous substance is enough to be fatal to a human being.” Sally was sure that Anna was deliberately taunting her, now.

Sally Hines grabbed up Anna and tossed her into a kitchen drawer.

“This isn’t my fault,” she said to herself when she was sure Anna couldn’t hear her. “This was all Anna’s doing. I was just trying to write a story about a chicken. She led me to thoughts of killing. She played on my hatred of Bryce. She talked about toxins and poisons and delivery methods.”

Sally tried to rationalize Anna as the reason for everything. Of course, it wouldn’t stand up in court, she thought. Sally had done the deed, not Anna. Just thinking about the notion of court made Sally suddenly reflect on the possibility of her getting caught. For all of Anna’s comments about getting away with murder, Sally began to have her doubts.

Sally went back over everything. She’d eliminated all of the evidence. The wig and the key were history. The plants and the remaining Solar Eclipse pods were in the bin behind the building.

“The pod!” Sally exclaimed aloud. She was still wearing the hooded sweatshirt. She’d forgotten that piece of apparel had been part of her costume. She plunged her hand into first one pocket and then the other. There it was. It was the pod she had taken out of Bryce’s carousel to be replaced by the poisoned version. It was the only thing left tying her to the crime. She thought about running it out to the bin but she didn’t want to take the chance of being seen and being considered suspicious just trying to dispose of one small item into the large dumpster; one small but not insignificant item.

Sally had a quick thought and pulled open the drawer that now held Anna, and tossed in the pod.

“There you go, Anna, a souvenir to a killing.”

” ‘You shouldn’t keep souvenirs of a killing. You shouldn’t have been that sentimental,’ is a line spoken by the character John Scottie Ferguson, played by James Stewart, in the 1958 movie Vertigo, directed by Alfred Hitchcock.”

Sally Hines shouted “Shut Up, Anna” and slammed the drawer closed.

There was nothing for it now. Sally was resigned to her fate. Maybe the poison wouldn’t work. But then again maybe it would do exactly what Anna had intended. Sally couldn’t think about that now. In the morning she’d dispose of the pod and the sweatshirt. There would be nothing connecting her to Bryce’s possible death. Maybe, as Anna had suggested, Sally could get away with murder. Then it hit her, there was one other thing linking her to the premeditated homicide…Anna. Maybe she should rid herself of Anna. Sally couldn’t think about that now. She decided she should try and not think of anything.

It wasn’t easy. She had another restless night. She didn’t recall her dreams and she managed to sleep more than she had the evening before. In the morning she went back into her routine of readying to go back to work. She couldn’t afford to be off for long. Her assistant was good but she wasn’t that good, Sally thought. In her rush to resume a normal semblance of life, she completely forgot about Anna and the pod lying in the drawer. The hooded sweatshirt lay abandoned beside her bed where she had tossed it. It had slipped off the bed and lay partially covered by Sally’s blankets. She had forgotten about it by the next day.

Trying to not think of anything didn’t come easy. Sally was constantly trying to find out what was happening with Bryce. He and his Foodie partner continued to post daily. Sally grew relieved and anxious at the same time. Maybe the poison hadn’t worked. Then again, she’d given the carousel a quarter turn so the laced pod wouldn’t be in the forefront. She couldn’t be sure what had happened.

Daily she checked Bryce’s social media account. Nothing. Life went on as usual. For a week, Sally checked and checked but everything was status quo.

One evening she went to retrieve her cell-phone charger and discovered Anna and the Solar Eclipse pod still in the kitchen drawer.

Sally grabbed up the pod and turned it over in her hand. “A souvenir to a killing,” Sally said to herself. “Almost,” she added. She didn’t care anymore. Bryce had not died. The plan had failed…thankfully. She left it in the drawer but freed Anna from her isolation. Sally would give her one more chance. She hoped there would be no more talk of murder.

That evening, Anna entertained her with songs both requested and not. She also regaled Sally with unsolicited facts about the Mississippi Delta.

“The Mississippi Delta is a unique and complex region with some unusual characteristics. For example, it is losing 24 square miles of wetlands each year, a loss of about 10,000 square feet per hour.” At least it wasn’t anything to do with murder or mysterious deaths.

The next day the story of a mysterious death came across Sally’s morning news feed.

“Fans of a noted social media influencer are mourning the sudden passing of…”

“Oh my god, Anna, we’ve killed the Foodie!” Sally exclaimed.

“‘Social media influencers can negatively impact followers through the promotion of unrealistic beauty standards, misinformation, and unethical consumption behaviors. They can also contribute to mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and body image dissatisfaction, especially among vulnerable youth.”

Sally ignored Anna and continued to read the article. It talked about the Foodie’s popularity and accomplishments. It also mentioned her boyfriend Bryce and how police were questioning him about her sudden demise.

Sally stopped reading and began to cry.

Through her tears she began to question Anna.

“What have we done Anna? We’ve killed an innocent person.” Her words came in spurts through her weeping. “What if Bryce is arrested? What if he goes to prison? This isn’t what I wanted at all. What if they find out about the poison? What if they link it back to me? They’re questioning Bryce today but what if they come for me tomorrow?”

“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6, Verse 34.”

There was that biblical quote again. It was the same one Anna had recited the evening before Sally had embarked on bringing about Bryce’s death. There was also that same feeling that the verse was incomplete.

Sally tried to calm herself so she could clearly ask Anna about the quotation. She wanted to make sure she was precise so Anna would not avoid answering.

“Anna, what’s the next verse after Matthew 6, Verse 34?”

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7 Verse 2.”

Sally looked down at Anna in complete shock. Judge not lest ye be judged. It was a famous quotation. Sally wasn’t religious but she knew certain passages from the bible. Most people did. They didn’t always understand what they knew or often misquoted verse and text but this one Sally understood. Do not judge, or you too will be judged. It was a more modern version of the phrase but it was the same. It was the second part, however, that hit home. “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Had Anna’s omission of the verse after not worrying about tomorrow been a caution to Sally? Had she tried to warn off Sally?

The Foodie was dead. Her death was the unintended consequence of Sally’s attempt to poison Bryce. She did not know Bryce’s new girlfriend but had admitted disdain when Sally learned she was now with Bryce. Despite her contempt of the social media influencer, she had not factored into Sally’s plans. An innocent life had been lost.

She recalled her dream of Bryce after laying the poisoned trap at his apartment. Sally had awoken with fierce emotion and grief. She had dismissed it as not being feelings of guilt and yet she had asked Anna the meaning of a dream about grief without there being a death? Now there was a death…a wrongful death.

“And with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” That’s what Anna had said. That was the last part of the quotation. “It will be measured to you.”

All of the quotations were bearing down on Sally. ‘Thou shalt not kill.’ ‘An eye for an eye.’

Sally Hines had to make it right. Bryce should not be found guilty for what Sally had done. ‘And with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.’ Sally understood what she had to do.

Sally Hines did not go to work. She did not call in sick. She let her phone go to voice mail and she did not return any texts.

Sally waited until dark before beginning her new plan. She donned the hooded sweatshirt she had worn when she went to Bryce’s apartment. She had found it eventually partially beneath the bed and had laundered it. As she had thought her murder scheme had failed, she saw no need to discard the garment. Cloaked in the frock, she grabbed up Anna, and then went out into the night.

On the other side of town there was a bridge that spanned the bay. It was nearly a hundred feet in height and allowed sailing boats and other larger vessels to pass underneath while traffic flowed across the roadway to the western side of the city. A plummet to the water below would probably not be fatal but it didn’t matter. Sally Hines could not swim well. She would not fight the inevitable and would allow herself to slip beneath the waves.

At home she had left a note explaining everything. She admitted to the murder and omitted none of the details. She also clarified her intentions regarding the bridge. ‘And with the measure I used, it will be measured unto me at my own hand.’ In the center of the note she placed the Solar Eclipse pod she had removed from Bryce’s apartment. She left her door unlocked. Her absence from work would be noticed. Someone would be worried and come looking for her. It was more than she deserved.

The bridge was mostly empty at that time of night. It didn’t matter, she had her undertaking.

Sally looked down at the water below and then reached into the sweatshirt and removed her Pocket Pal.

“This is where we part, Anna. And with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. You set me on the path to murder and someone else died. We can’t live with that, Anna. Don’t you understand, Anna? You can’t get away with murder because you can’t get away from murder! An eye for an eye.”

“The Crisis Line is the first point of public access to the world of mental health services for people who are experiencing serious mental health issues. This could include situational crisis, psychosis, severe depression, anxiety or suicidal behaviour. Individuals, families or concerned friends may call the Crisis Line where volunteer Responders will assess each situation, offer support and, if required, connect you with the appropriate Crisis Team in your area.”

“It’s too late for that, Anna” Sally replied. She didn’t wait for a response from Anna. She gripped her Pocket Pal securely in her hand and then hurled Anna out into the blackness. The last sound from Anna was a distant splash far below.

Sally did not hesitate further. There was no more reflection. Sally Hines climbed up onto the railing, balanced herself for only a moment by holding onto a light standard, and then silently stepped off.

“Sally Hines climbed up onto the railing, balanced herself for only a moment by holding onto a light standard, and then silently stepped off.” Sally Hines reread the last line of her story out loud. “What do you think of it, Anna? I took all of your facts and crafted a story based on my hatred of Bryce and your specifics about murder. I’ll have to change the names to protect the innocent and all that. Oh, and it needs a title. I think I’ll call it ‘The Pocket Pal’s Guide to Murder’.”

“Stories featuring a potential threat from artificial intelligence in terms of manipulating human behaviour is an emerging trend in fictional literature. Researchers have found, however, that people react negatively to artistic works featuring such themes.”

Sally thought for a moment on Anna’s response. What did Sally really know about murder after all? She only knew what Anna shared with her. Sally knew even less about technology and how it could influence human behaviour.

“I guess you’re right, Anna. Write what you know and what do I really know about murder? I think I’ll start over but I’m going to keep the bits about the chicken and the dung beetle. I think I can build on that.”

THE END

Tags: Funko Pops, Murder, Scott Henderson. False Ducks
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THAT BLAHG ABOUT CLIFFORD D. SIMAK

May 13th, 2025

This is a blahg that I’ve been meaning to write for a very long time. I’ve been a rabid fan of the science fiction author Clifford D. Simak. In fact, I’ve maintained a website dedicated to “The Science Fiction Short Stories of Clifford D. Simak.” I was just looking at the website today, May 12th, 2025 and posting some updates. At the bottom of the main page I have the following: Created by Scott Henderson on May 13th, 2005 followed by Last modified May 12, 2025. The previous modified date was August 11, 2023 so I was due to revise it. The bigger news is that tomorrow, May 13th, my Simak website is celebrating the 20th anniversary of going live. I guess it was about time I got around to writing that blahg about Clifford D. Simak!

By the way, that’s a photo of Clifford Simak on the upper right and not me in a cosplay attempt at being Clifford Simak. I’ll drop the “D.” for now, which stands for Donald. I remember when I first encountered the writings of Clifford Simak and I remember where I was when I heard he’d died. I’ll get to that in a bit. I went back through some of my blahgs and I found that I did reference that elusive Simak blahg during a previous blahg entitled THIS IS 50, PART TWO which I posted in December of 2015. I had been reviewing some of the first 50 blahgs I had written but the review got a little bogged down so this is what I wrote: I started my last blahg by reviewing the 50 blahgs I had published up to and including that blahg. I split it into two blahgs because I felt a review of all 50 would be too long for one posting. Unfortunately, I’ve skipped over a few blahgs because their topics were very similar. That left me nine comments short and that’s where the artistic license is going to come into play. The next nine don’t refer to specific blahgs but are important to me none the less. One of the nine was number 48 and it talked about Clifford Simak

47. Clifford D. Simak. That’s another blahg that needs writing. He’s my favourite science fiction author and I have a website dedicated to his short science fiction stories: The Science Fiction Short Stories of Clifford D. Simak. I started the website in May of 2005 as a way to fill my time. I wanted it to be one of the most comprehensive websites about this late great author but there is a new website dedicated to the work of Clifford Simak that covers releases in many different countries: Clifford D. Simak – The International Bibliography. In many ways it is far superior to my website but I have been encouraged by others to keep my website going. This past October saw a new release of some of his short stories and it included the release of “I had no head and my eyes were floating way up in the air” which was submitted in the 1970s for publication in Harlan Ellison’s “The Last Dangerous Visions”. That anthology has never been published but that lost Simak story is available in the new Simak anthology “I Am Crying All Inside and Other Stories: The Complete Short Fiction of Clifford D. Simak, Volume One”.

So here we are…back up to speed. Let’s start with a little introduction of Clifford Simak courtesy of Wikipedia:

Clifford Donald Simak (August 3, 1904 – April 25, 1988) was an American science fiction writer. He won three Hugo Awards and one Nebula Award. The Science Fiction Writers of America made him its third SFWA Grand Master, and the Horror Writers Association made him one of three inaugural winners of the Bram Stoker Award for Lifetime Achievement. He is associated with the pastoral science fiction subgenre.

Pastoral science fiction is slower paced with rural settings or technology as it interacts with people and places never having encountered the technology before. Probably not as clear as it could be but that’s the gist. Here’s a list of the novels that Clifford Simak wrote over the years:

Cosmic Engineers (1950)
Empire (1951)
Time and Again (1951)
City (1952)
Ring Around the Sun (1953)
Time is the Simplest Thing (1961)
The Trouble with Tycho (1961)
They Walked Like Men (1962)
Way Station (1963)
All Flesh Is Grass (1965)
Why Call Them Back From Heaven? (1967)
The Werewolf Principle (1967)
The Goblin Reservation (1968)
Out of Their Minds (1970)
A Choice of Gods (1972)
Cemetery World (1973)
Our Children’s Children (1974)
Enchanted Pilgrimage (1975)
Shakespeare’s Planet (1976)
A Heritage of Stars (1977)
The Fellowship of the Talisman (1978)
Mastodonia (1978)
The Visitors (1980)
Project Pope (1981)
Where the Evil Dwells (1982)
Special Deliverance (1982)
Highway of Eternity (1986)

Notice that Simak published “Highway of Eternity” two years before he passed away. I was working at a group home in Aurora, Ontario here in Canada in 1988 when a radio personality told about Clifford Simak having passed. I was surprised by his death but more surprised that someone else thought his passing was noteworthy. Funny the things you remember. In high-school I took a course on Futuristic studies and Simak’s novel “City” was part of the course and my first introduction to the author.

Although Simak didn’t publish his first novel, “Cosmic Engineers” until 1950, and he was around 46 years old, he had been submitting and having his short stories published since 1931. His first published story was “The World of the Red Sun” appearing in the December 1931 edition of “Wonder Stories.” That would have put Simak around twenty-seven when he first saw his name in print. His last short story, “Byte Your Tongue!” was published in the 1981 anthology “Stellar #6: Science-Fiction Stories.” Fifty years and around 124 short science fiction stories. That’s impressive!

I have collected and own all of Simak’s novels and many years ago I set out to collect and read all of his short science fiction stories. Here’s an interesting tidbit on a side note: Between 1944 and 1952 Simak wrote 14 western short stories and between 1942 and 1944 he wrote and published 5 war theme short stories. I’ve read a few of the western stories but this blahg is going to be dedicated to Simak’s short science fiction stories. Unfortunately, when I set out to try and find and read all of the short sci-fi stories the Internet was in its infancy and there weren’t a lot of places to find the stories to read online. So that’s why I set out to compile a list of publications that contained the 124 science fiction short stories by Simak. That list eventually became my Simak website.

Creating the website was a daunting task. First look at the list of short stories I was dealing with and their publication year:

1. “The World of the Red Sun” (1931)
2. “Mutiny on Mercury” (1932)
3. “The Voice in the Void” (1932)
4. “Hellhounds of the Cosmos” (1932)
5. “The Asteroid of Gold” (1932)
6. “The Creator” (1935)
7. “Rule 18” (1938)
8. “Hunger Death” (1938)
9. “Reunion on Ganymede” (1938)
10. “The Loot of Time” (1938)
11. “Cosmic Engineers” (1939)
12. “Madness from Mars” (1939)
13. “Hermit of Mars” (1939)
14. “The Space Beasts” (1940)
15. “Rim of the Deep” (1940)
16. “Clerical Error” (1940)
17. “Sunspot Purge” (1940)
18. “Masquerade” (1941)
19. “Earth for Inspiration” (1941)
20. “Spaceship in a Flask” (1941)
21. “The Street That Wasn’t There” (1941)
22. “Tools” (1942)
23. “Shadow of Life” (1943)
24. “Hunch” (1943)
25. “Infiltration” (1943)
26. “Message from Mars” (1943)
27. “Ogre” (1944)
28. “Lobby” (1944)
29. “City” (1944)
30. “Mr. Meek – Musketeer” (1944)
31. “Huddling Place” (1944)
32. “Mr. Meek Plays Polo” (1944)
33. “Census” (1944)
34. “Desertion” (1944)
35. “Paradise” (1946)
36. “Hobbies” (1946)
37. “Aesop” (1947)
38. “Eternity Lost” (1949)
39. “Limiting Factor” (1949)
40. “Bathe Your Bearings in Blood!” (1950)
41. “The Call from Beyond” (1950)
42. “Seven Came Back” (1950)
43. “The Trouble with Ants” (1951)
44. “Second Childhood” (1951)
45. “Good Night, Mr. James” (1951)
46. “You’ll Never Go Home Again” (1951)
47. “Courtesy” (1951)
48. “The Fence” (1952)
49. “And The Truth Shall Make You Free” (1953)
50. “Retrograde Evolution” (1953)
51. “Junkyard” (1953)
52. “Kindergarten” (1953)
53. “Worrywart” (1953)
54. “Shadow Show” (1953)
55. “Contraption” (1953)
56. “The Questing of Foster Adams” (1953)
57. “Spacebred Generations” (1953)
58. “Immigrant” (1954)
59. “Neighbor” (1954)
60. “Green Thumb” (1954)
61. “Dusty Zebra” (1954)
62. “Idiot’s Crusade” (1954)
63. “How-2” (1954)
64. “Project Mastodon” (1955)
65. “Full Cycle” (1955)
66. “Worlds Without End” (1956)
67. “The Spaceman’s Van Gogh” (1956)
68. “Drop Dead” (1956)
69. “So Bright the Vision” (1956)
70. “Honorable Opponent” (1956)
71. “Galactic Chest” (1956)
72. “Jackpot” (1956)
73. “Operation Stinky” (1957)
74. “Founding Father” (1957)
75. “Lulu” (1957)
76. “Shadow World” (1957)
77. “Death Scene” (1957)
78. “Carbon Copy” (1957)
79. “Nine Lives” (1957)
80. “The World That Couldn’t Be” (1958)
81. “Leg. Forst.” (1958)
82. “The Sitters” (1958)
83. “The Money Tree” (1958)
84. “The Big Front Yard” (1958)
85. “The Civilization Game” (1958)
86. “Installment Plan” (1959)
87. “No Life of Their Own” (1959)
88. “A Death in the House” (1959)
89. “Final Gentleman” (1960)
90. “Crying Jag” (1960)
91. “All the Traps of Earth” (1960)
92. “Gleaners” (1960)
93. “Condition of Employment” (1960)
94. “The Golden Bugs” (1960)
95. “Shotgun Cure” (1961)
96. “Horrible Example” (1961)
97. “The Shipshape Miracle” (1963)
98. “Day of Truce” (1963)
99. “Physician to the Universe” (1963)
100. “A Pipeline to Destiny” (1963)
101. “New Folk’s Home” (1963)
102. “Small Deer” (1965)
103. “Over the River and Through the Woods” (1965)
104. “Buckets of Diamonds” (1969)
105. “I Am Crying All Inside” (1969)
106. “The Thing in the Stone” (1970)
107. “The Autumn Land” (1971)
108. “To Walk a City’s Street” (1972)
109. “The Observer” (1972)
110. “Construction Shack” (1973)
111. “UNIVAC: 2200” (1973)
112. “Epilog” (1973)
113. “The Marathon Photograph” (1974)
114. “The Birch Clump Cylinder” (1974)
115. “The Ghost of a Model T” (1975)
116. “Senior Citizen” (1975)
117. “Unsilent Spring” (1976)
118. “Auk House” (1977)
119. “Brother” (1977)
120. “Party Line” (1978)
121. “Grotto of the Dancing Deer” (1980)
122. “The Whistling Well” (1980)
123. “Byte Your Tongue!” (1981)
124. “I Had No Head and My Eyes Were Floating Way Up in the Air” (2015)

As I said earlier, this was the early days of the Internet and there weren’t a lot of resources and those that existed were incomplete or hadn’t been updated in a long time. I found a website that listed each short story by Simak (as well as other science fiction authors) and I used it as a basis for my website and continue to build on it and update it annually. One of the other issues was that some of Simak’s stories were also published under different titles or were republished under different titles. For example here’s a list of some of the stories followed by their republished titles:

AND THE TRUTH SHALL MAKE YOU FREE (also known as “The Answers”)
BATHE YOUR BEARINGS IN BLOOD! (also known as “Skirmish”)
BEACHHEAD (also known as “You’ll Never Go Home Again”)
GOOD NIGHT, MR. JAMES (also known as “The Duplicate Man” & “The Night of The Puudly”)
THE LOOT OF TIME (also known as “S.O.S In Time”)
MASQUERADE (also known as “Operation Mercury”)
SEVEN CAME BACK (also known as “Mirage”)
SPACEBRED GENERATIONS (also known as “Target Generation”)
THE STREET THAT WASN’T THERE (also known as “The Lost Street”)
THE TROUBLE WITH ANTS (also known as “The Simple Way”)

So the completist in me wanted to make sure I listed all of the sources to find a certain story under its original title and under the republished title.

The website took me close to a year to compile and it’s been going strong for the past 20 years. Here’s a sample of what it looks like for one of the listings:

THE TROUBLE WITH ANTS , Fantastic Adventures, January, 1951, USA (Nov 1951 – UK)
(also known as “The Simple Way”)-–Fantastic July, 1966
—The Last Man on Earth, ed. Isaac Asimov, Martin H. Greenberg & Charles G. Waugh, Fawcett, 1982
—Science Fiction Gems, Vol. Three, ed. Gregory J. Luce, Armchair Fiction, April 2012
—Madness From Mars – And Other Short Stories, lulu.com, April 10, 2017
––Buckets of Diamonds: And Other Stories: The Complete Short Fiction of Clifford D. Simak, Volume Thirteen, Open Road Media Sci-Fi & Fantasy, June 13, 2023

Of course, I decided to learn HTML coding so I could do some fancy things. On my website if you hover over the name of the publication, a window will appear showing an image of the cover of that publication. Here’s an example of some of the covers. The initial appearance of “The Trouble With Ants” was Fantastic Adventures, January 1951. Here’s the cover to that:

One of the other entries is for “The Last Man on Earth, ed. Isaac Asimov, Martin H. Greenberg & Charles G. Waugh, Fawcett, 1982”. If you hover over that entry on my website, this is the image you would see:

It was a monumental undertaking to try and find the images for all of the entries for each story. I didn’t find all the related images until 2023 so it’s fairly complete. The short story “Desertion” has 55 separate listings for publications. I try and update the listings with new publications because some stories have fallen into public domain and there’s been quick and cheap publications almost every year and the images are mostly stock images or text on a coloured background. Still, I try and do regular updates but the one I did today was the first one since August of 2023. Well meaning intentions don’t always work out.

A few other things I should note is that I don’t list electronic releases like Kindle. I’d be forever if I did that because of the public domain releases that keep coming out. There’s just too many. I also don’t do foreign issues unless the release is in English. I have however, made notes if there were audio releases. The story “Over The River and Through The Woods”, as read by Jonathan Frakes, was issued on audio cassette by Durkin Hayes Publishing in 1995. Cassette also includes Frakes reading “Founding Father” & “Beachhead.”

It’s been a labour of love updating this website but I’ve enjoyed it and want to keep it going as long as I’m able.

I have read all of the short science fiction stories by Clifford Simak and for a while it meant purchasing out of print anthologies and magazines. Luckily, starting ten years ago in 2015, Open Road Media, began publishing volumes of short stories by Clifford Simak with the goal of publishing all of his science fiction stories as well as his western and war stories. In July of 2023, Open Road Media finally published volume 14, “Epilog: And Other Stories (The Complete Short Fiction of Clifford D. Simak)” and that is as complete as you can get with 123 short science fiction stories and the 14 western and 4 war stories. In fact, Volume 1, “I HAD NO HEAD AND MY EYES WERE FLOATING WAY UP IN THE AIR” contained the short story by that name that none of us ever thought we’d see. Simak had submitted it to be included for publication in Harlan Ellison’s “The Last Dangerous Visions” in the 1970s but that anthology never came about and the story “I had no head and my eyes were floating way up in the air” languished somewhere in Ellison’s vaults. Now, it’s finally available.

Okay, so for those of you who were paying close attention, I said the Open Road Media collections republished 123 short science fiction stories by Clifford Simak. Earlier, I had said their were 124. That’s because the Open Road Media collections do not contain the short story “A Pipeline To Destiny” from 1963. Here’s my entry about that story:

A PIPELINE TO DESTINY****, HKLPLOD # 4, Summer, 1963

The **** after the titled will lead you to the notes section for that page which details the following:

^****“A Pipeline To Destiny” is a newly discovered short story by Simak. It runs approximately 12 pages. Phil Stephensen-Payne, editor of “The Collected Stories of Clifford D. Simak Volume I: Eternity Lost & Other Stories” published by Darkside Press has managed to obtain a copy of this rare story. Phil says: “According to a note from Simak it was written some twenty years earlier but was ‘never finished’. He seems to mean unfinished in terms of ‘final polish’ because the story does come to a conclusion. It’s an odd little item, but certainly of interest to Simak fans and will be reprinted in Volume 5 of the Darkside series.”

Of note is that there was no Volume 5 of the Darkside series so the story has only been published in the fan magazine HKLPLOD # 4, Summer, 1963. Here’s an image of that magazine:

Phil Stephensen-Payne sent me a scan of the story a number of years ago and I’ve read it. It hasn’t been republished but there is a fan website that has a scan available for download at https://fanac.org/fanzines/Hklplod/hklplod_4_mcinerney_1963-su.pdf. There’s also a version translated into Russian that was published in 2012. You can read more details about it here: https://www.simak-bibliography.com/details.php?edition=2613&lang=all&country=all&thumbs=no&order=date&filter=all&ul=en Maybe someday it will be officially republished in English. Here is an image of the note that preceded “Pipeline To Destiny” when it was published in Hklplod:

Apparently, the editor of the fanzine, Mike McInerney, bought the short story at an auction at a Science Fiction Convention.

That’s it. That’s the blahg I meant to write about the short science fiction stories of Clifford Donald Simak. Check out my website or, if you want to see a more complete version that includes foreign language releases or Kindle versions then you can check out https://www.simak-bibliography.com/. I’ve really enjoyed collecting and reading Simak’s short fiction. For a while, I had some rare stories like “Nine Lives” that you could only read if you found a copy of Short Stories-A Man`s Magazine, Dec, 1957 (USA) or Short Stories-A Man`s Magazine, August, 1958 (U.K.). I still own a copy of the U.S. version:

Here’s what the UK version looked like:

Do yourself a favour and buy all 14 volumes of the Open Road Media series and read all of the short stories. Then read “City” and work your way through all of the other Simak novels. You won’t be disappointed.

Tags: Clifford Simak, False Ducks, Scott Henderson
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MY 1939 FILMS WATCH LIST – PART TWO

April 22nd, 2025

Earlier this month I published a blahg about my goal of watching as many films from 1939 that I possibly can. 1939 has always been touted as a banner year for films with great films like “The Wizard Of Oz,” “Gone With The Wind,” “Stagecoach,” “Ninotchka,” and “Goodbye Mr. Chips” being some of the classics released. In my blahg MY 1939 FILMS WATCH LIST – PART ONE, I gave a write up of sorts on the first 30 films I’ve watched from my list. So far, I’ve managed to watch 75 films and it’s time for Part Two and a review of the next 30.

Let’s start off by recapping the list of 75 films I’ve watched so far:

A Child Is Born
Disputed Passage
We Are Not Alone
Dust Be My Destiny
The Girl From Mexico
Frontier Marshall
Good Girls Go To Paris
Honolulu
The Three Musketeers
Cheer Boys Cheer
The Amazing Mr. Williams
Off The Record
The Frozen Limits (fell asleep)
Where’s That Fire
The Kid from Kokomo
The Ice Follies of 1939
All Women Have Secrets (1939)
A Girl Must Live (1939)
$1000 a Touchdown (1939)
…One Third of a Nation… (1939)
Andy Hardy Gets Spring Fever (1939)
Arizona Legion (1939)
Persons in Hiding
Allegheny Uprising
Ask A Policeman (Will Hayes)
Gone With The Wind
Society Lawyer
Code of the Secret Service (1939)
Secret Service of the Air (1939)
Young Abe Lincoln
The Little Princess
East Side of Heaven
Destry Rides Again
Dodge City
Smashing The Money Ring
The Wizard Of Oz
Midnight
Stagecoach
Made For Each Other
Goodbye, Mr. Chips (1939)
20,000 Men a Year (1939)
Flying Deuces
Only Angels Have Wings
Judge Hardy and Son
Charlie McCarthy Detective
Discoveries
Across the Plains
Back Door to Heaven
Hitler – Beast of Berlin
Barricade
In Name Only
King of the Underworld
At The Circus
The Real Glory
Women On The Wind
Gunga Din
Rulers of the Sea
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
The Hound Of The Baskervilles
Beau Geste
After The Thin Man
The Mysterious Miss X
The Hardys Riding High
Three Smart Girls Grow Up
First Love
Ambushed
Bad Boy
Bad Lands
Bad Little Angel
I Met A Murderer
Boy Friend
Coast Guard
Boy Trouble
Disbarred
She Married a Cop

The majority of films on this list have not had DVD releases so I’ve been downloading copies of the more obscure films with the result that some of the versions I have found have ranged from excellent all the way down to just fair. In my last blahg I noted about the film $1000 a Touchdown that the “only print I could find of this movie was on YouTube and the video quality was good but the audio wasn’t. I had to watch it with generated subtitles and the subtitles didn’t always seem to match what was being said.” This time around, I culled through my DVD collection and pulled a number of the 1939 films that had been released on DVD. Still, there’s some rarer films being reviewed this time but I think you’ll recognize the more famous ones.

31.) The Little Princess. There are some great Shirley Temple films but this is by far, one of my favourites. The Father of Shirley’s character, Sara, is called up to fight in the second Boer War. She’s sent to board at Miss Minchin’s school for girls. Her Father goes missing, his money to keep her dries up, and Sara is relegated to poorer and more dismal lodgings. Do things get better? Does her Father come home? You’ll just have to watch this film. Cesar Romero and Arthur Treacher have great supporting roles and the ending with Queen Victoria and Sara will have you in tears. Great film!

32.) East Side Of Heaven. This is one of two films with Bing Crosby released in 1939. The other is “The Star Maker.” This time Bing’s costarring with Joan Blondell, one of my favourites. Last time, there were four Joan Blondell films reviewed in my part one blahg. Mischa Auer’s also along for the ride. IMDB’s desription: A man finds himself the father, by proxy, of a ten-month-old baby and becomes involved in the turbulent lives of the child’s family. Fun stuff with some nice singing by Bing and comedy antics by Blondell and Auer.

33.) Destry Rides Again. In Part One, I reviewed James Stewart’s role in “The Ice Follies of 1939.” At least this film was a much better starring role for Stewart. He’s brought in to help clean up a corrupt town. The local Sheriff doesn’t think much of him but Stewart proves himself against bad guy Brian Donlevy. Marlene Dietrich sings the songs and Mischa Auer’s back again in this one for comic relief.

34.) Dodge City. Another western and another corrupt town to be set right. This time the law is Errol Flynn with his sidekicks Alan Hale and Guinn Williams. Bruce Cabot is the bad guy and Olivia de Havilland is Flynn’s love interest. No singing in this one and not much comic relief but there’s lots of gun play in Dodge City. Errol Flynn is good but what’s Dodge City without James Arness as Matt Dillon? That’s a Gunsmoke reference and the only one I’m going to make.

35.) Smashing The Money Ring. Last time, I reviewed the first two films in the Brass Bancroft series of films with Ronald Reagan and Eddie Foy Jr. Those were “Code Of The Secret Service” and “Secret Service of The Air.” This time, Brass goes undercover as a convict to infiltrate a counterfeit ring. Always fun. I’m not sure who’s the better comedian in these films, Reagan or Eddie Foy Jr. The Brass Bancroft films are lighthearted fare but enjoyable.

36.) The Wizard of Oz. Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My! Except there are no Tigers and Bears. What you get, however, is a talented cast including Judy Garland, Frank Morgan, Ray Bolger, Jack Haley, Bert Lahr, Billie Burke, Margaret Hamilton, and the Munchkins! You also get a great story with incredible songs. I can’t watch this film without singing along. A few years ago my daughter Abbie and I got to see the film on the big screen in our local theatre. If you ever get a chance to see it in a theatre, you have to go! Still one of my favourite films of all time.

37.) Midnight. A screwball comedy with Claudette Colbert, Don Ameche, and John Barrymore. I’m going to rely on the IMDB synopsis again for this one: A chorus girl stranded in Paris is set up by a millionaire to break up his wife’s affair with another man, while being romantically pursued by a cab driver. You can guess who the chorus girl is but the millionaire is Barrymore and Don Ameche is the cab driver. It drags in the middle but it’s got a funny ending with Monty Woolley as a judge. I have always like Woolley and Claudette Colbert, for my money, is a highly underrated actress. Don Ameche chews up the scenes in his role and is another reason to see this movie.

38.) Stagecoach. This was my second film to watch from 1939 with John Wayne. The first, reviewed in Part One, was Allegheny Uprising. This time John Wayne is The Ringo Kid who has broken out of prison to avenge the murder of his brother and father. The Ringo Kid joins the Stagecoach when his horse goes lames. Claire Trevor, Thomas Mitchell, and Andy Devine are along for the Stagecoach ride. Lots of drama and action and a good starring role for John Wayne. John Ford is the director on this one and he directed “Young Abe Lincoln” which I reviewed last time.

39.) Made For Each Other. James Stewart is back again and this time his wife is played by Carol Lombard. He’s a young lawyer whose mother moves in with the happy couple and makes life difficult for the pair. Another favourite actor of mine, Charles Coburn, plays Stewart’s boss. This one is strictly melodrama but well acted by all and certainly worth watching.

40.) Goodbye, Mr. Chips. The book was written by James Hilton and in the golden age of cinema, his films were made into great films. In Part One, I reviewed “We Are Not Alone.” “Goodbye, Mr. Chips,” is an outstanding film with Robert Donat portraying Charles Edward Chipping a professor at Brookfield school for boys. The film is a flashback of his life as an educator and as a husband to beautiful Greer Garson. Garson and Donat are two of the finest British actors. This is a beautiful film with stellar acting. It should be seen at least once by everyone. There was a musical remake in 1969 with Peter O’Toole and Petulia Clark. I had avoided watching the remake but finally got around to watching it after rewatching the original. I enjoyed the 1969 film despite my hesitation but the 1939 film is by far the best.

41.) 20,000 Men a Year. This is the second Randolph Scott film that I have viewed from my 1939 watch-list. The first, reviewed last time, was “Frontier Marshall.” It won’t be the last Randolph Scott film from 1939 I’ll review but that won’t be until Part Three. This is also the first film in this second blahg that I didn’t have on DVD. I don’t think there’s been a DVD release of this one. Randolph Scott is a pilot who disobeys orders and loses his job. He then starts a flying school sponsored by the government that will hopefully produce 20,000 pilots a year. The flying scenes and the ending are good but otherwise a dull film.

42.) Flying Deuces. Laurel and Hardy. Should I say more? I will. This film has been in public domain with poor prints existing for years. Finally VCI put out this restored Blu Ray (that’s the image to the right). Stan and Ollie join the French Foreign Legion so Ollie can forget the woman who wouldn’t marry him. Hilarity ensues. This is a bit of a remake of their short from 1931 called “Beau Hunks” where they first joined the Legion after Ollie is jilted. There’s a restored print of “Beau Hunks” available to be viewed on YouTube:

43.) Only Angels Have Wings. Cary Grant and Jean Arthur. What a pair! Cary Grant plays the manager of a air-freight company at a South American trading port. Jean Arthur is on a boat layover and meets and falls for Cary Grant. There’s some exciting flying scenes in this one and that’s coincidental because the two previous films just reviewed, “Flying Deuces” and “20,000 Men A Year” also have exciting flying scenes. The acting’s the thing in this one. Thomas Mitchell is also in this one.

44.) Judge Hardy and Son. There were three Andy Hardy films with Mickey Rooney in 1939. Last time I reviewed “Andy Hardy Gets Spring Fever.” There will be a third one when I get around to Part Three. Lewis Stone plays Judge Hardy and Mickey Rooney plays his son Andy. A poor couple is about to be evicted from their home and Judge Hardy is trying to find the woman’s daughter with the help of Andy. Andy has to woo almost every girl in town to find the one whose mother might be the daughter of the couple in trouble. The Andy Hardy films have a certain formula with Andy getting in trouble and then getting out of it with the help of his Father. This one was more enjoyable that “Andy Hardy Gets Spring Fever.”

45.) Charlie McCarthy Detective. I thought I would like this one. After all, it had ventriloquial figures Charlie McCarthy and Mortimer Snerd along with their handler Edgar Bergen. Wikipedia entry: Scotty Hamilton is a reporter who works for a crooked editor. Bill Banning is another reporter who is about to expose the editor’s ties to the mob. When the editor is killed, both reporter Banning and mobster Tony Garcia are suspected. However, Hamilton’s friend Edgar Bergen solves the case (without much help from Charlie McCarthy). I dozed off again during this one. That hadn’t happened since watching “The Frozen Limits,” number 13 from last time. I expected more and got less.

46.) Discoveries. I couldn’t even find a movie poster for this one. The best I could do is find the sheet music for the song “There’ll Always Be An England” that was introduced in this film. Not much of a movie. Some British talent want to be part of a program put on by a promoter. Some fun with actors dressed as Laurel and Hardy and Groucho Marx, I think. I dosed during the last part. Skip it.

47.) Across the Plains. The film is about two brothers who are separated when they are young and who meet again as adults, one good and one bad. Short film around 59 minutes. Just okay. Would have been better as an episode of a western show like Gunsmoke. I guess you can tell by now, I like Gunsmoke. Sorry, I guess I was going to make another Gunsmoke reference after all.

48.) Back Door To Heaven. Frankie is a boy from the wrong side of the tracks. The only one who ever really cared for him was his school teacher and a girl from his class. He ends up going to reform school and then prison. Years later he’s in trouble with the law although he tries to do good. He has to get back to his hometown for a reunion that’s celebrating his old teacher. No celebrities in this one but the story was okay.

49.) Hitler – Beast of Berlin. I went on a bit of an Alan Ladd kick. This was one of the films he made in 1939. The story concerns a man and his wife who lead an anti-Nazi propaganda movement. After an inadvertent betrayal, the husband is thrown into a concentration camp. Alan Ladd plays the lead’s brother-in-law. I’ve seen some better anti-Nazi films but this was an early one that predicted a lot of the atrocities that the Nazis, under Hitler, would wreak on Germany. Definitely worth a watch.

50.) Barricade. Alice Faye and Warner Baxter meet on a train and get off in Mongolia. There’s lots of marauding Mongolians and the couple have to hide out in an American Embassy. Can they and the others barricade themselves in and survive the marauders? Tense but interesting film. Watch for Arthur Treacher in a supporting role like he was in “The Little Princess” that I reviewed earlier.

51.) In Name Only. I’m going to throw this one in here because I don’t know exactly when I watched it. I know it was before the film I would review as number 51. Unlike 45 through 50, I had this one on DVD. Here’s another Cary Grant film and yet another Carole Lombard film. Kay Francis plays Cary Grant’s wife who doesn’t treat him nicely so he ends up taking up with Carole Lombard. Yes, definitely a melodrama but great acting all around. After this film, I started to look into other Kay Francis films.

52.) King Of The Underworld. It stars Humphrey Bogart and Kay Francis. I wanted to check it out for Kay Francis who was a great actress but is all but forgotten now. Bogart is an underworld criminal and Kay Francis is the wife of a Doctor who is killed while tending to one of Bogart’s crew. The catch is she’s a Doctor as well and no one trusts her after her husband dies because they think she’s linked with the underworld as well. She eventually practises in a small town and meets up with Bogart and sets out to bring him down. A very nice film with Bogart doing what he does best but Kay Francis holds her own.

53.) At The Circus. Earlier, in number 42, I reviewed the great comedy team of Laurel and Hardy in “Flying Deuces.” This time it’s another comedy team, the Marx Brothers. Grouch, Chico, and Harpo in a picture about a circus and some underhanded individuals. No, the Marx brothers are not the underhanded ones. Eve Arden is along for the ride. My favourite scene happens near the beginning when attorney J. Cheever Loophole, played by Groucho, tries to get on the circus train in the pouring rain. Chico keeps inviting him on the train and prevents him from getting on the train at the same time. Harpo is hilarious as always.

54.) The Real Glory. IMDB description: A small American contingent tries to train rural tribesmen to defend themselves against fanatical Muslim radicals in 1906 Philippines. This one stars Gary Cooper and David Niven. A buddy buddy picture in the jungle. Lots of action and an interesting story. Throw in a love interest for Gary Cooper and you get a good film.

55.) Women On The Wind. This was the other Kay Francis film released in 1939. It’s not as good as “In Name Only” and “King Of The Underworld.” Kay is an aviator in the women’s air derby from Los Angeles to Cleveland. Yet another film with great and suspenseful flying scenes but it’s just okay. Still, I like Kay Francis and it’s worth seeing it for her.

56.) Gunga Din. It’s another buddy buddy film set against the revival of the murderous Thuggee cult. Cary Grant, Victor McLagen, and Douglas Fairbanks Jr. are the buddies. Sam Jaffe plays their guide, Gunga Din. Lots of action and yet another famous film released in 1939. This is my third film viewed with Cary Grant from 1939. “In Name Only” and “Only Angels Have Wings” were reviewed earlier. You’ll like this one.

57.) Rulers Of The Sea. This was on my list for Alan Ladd. Unfortunately he only has a very brief role as a sailor. Douglas Fairbanks Jr. of “Gunga Din” is back in this one as a sailor who invests money and time to help an inventor sail the first steam-powered ship to cross the North Atlantic from Britain to New York. Unbelievable in some spots but a good story nonetheless.

58.) The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes and Nigel Bruce as Doctor Watson. It doesn’t get better than that. This time they’re up against Professor Moriarty who is on a murderous spree to try and cover up what he’s really up to and to try and outwit Holmes. Good luck with that Moriarity! This was the second of fourteen films starring Rathbone and Bruce. The first was “The Hound of the Baskervilles.” Forgive me, I watched them out of order.

59.) The Hound of the Baskervilles. Holmes and Watson, in the first film portrayed by Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce. This time they’re on the Scottish moors dealing with murders and a murderous hound. There’s more Doctor Watson than Sherlock Holmes in this one but that’s okay with me because Nigel Bruce is a very entertaining Watson. I highly recommend all 14 films in the series.

60.) Beau Geste. This is the last film in this Part Two series and what a great film to end on. It’s back to the French Foreign Legion but this time with Gary Cooper, Ray Milland, and Robert Preston and a very cruel scene chewing villain played by Brian Donlevy (formerly the bad guy in “Destry Rides Again). This is the other 1939 film that Gary Cooper made along with “The Real Glory” which I reviewed earlier in this blahg. There’s two mysteries in this film. Why is there a legion post in the desert full of dead soldiers and what happened to the Blue Water gem? You’ll have to watch it to the end to learn the solutions. Apparently there was a 1926 silent version with Ronald Coleman that was even better than this one. It would have to go a long way to be better than this one. I’ll let you know if I ever watch it.

That’s it for this time. I’ve watched 75 films so far from 1939 but I don’t plan on writing a third part until I get to 90. Maybe I’ll stretch that out to 100. That would be a good goal. There’s a few interesting ones in the next batch and some stinkers too. You’ll just have to wait.

Tags: 1939, Cary Grant, False Ducks, films, Gary Cooper, Kay Francis, Scott Henderson, The Wizard Of Oz
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THE SODA MACHINE.

April 7th, 2025

It’s time again to debut a new short story. This one has been a while in the making. I started it in July of 2023 and then set it aside. I always meant to get back to it but other stories came and went and life, as always, happened. I finally got back to it last week and finished it yesterday. It’s a science fiction story. I’ve dabbled a little in that genre with “THE HOHNER COMET” and “HOW GRANDPA PUT DOWN THE ROBOT UPRISING” but this is the first fully indulged science fiction story I’ve written in years. In my teen years, I wrote a story called “The Private Investigator of Earth.” It was my first attempt at science fiction. I have written very little in that field since. Maybe I’ll dig out that old story of mine but for now you can enjoy this new one:

The Soda Machine

by

Scott Henderson

Ranger acknowledged the soda machine. It was factual and it being there was of no surprise or wonder to him. He dealt in logic and fact. It was a soda machine and he accepted as much.

The registered fact that the soda machine was in a desert section of a distant planet void of life and far from Earth also did not register as extraordinary either. Ranger had no capacity for awe or extraordinary or surprise or wonder. The soda machine was there because it was meant to be there. After all, the soda machine being there was as logical as Ranger being there. This was exactly where his mission had led him.

Ranger called up the stored memories of everything that had led to this moment. His capacity for storage of knowledge was finite. It was limited. It had to be. Still, he recalled everything he had been told and everything he had researched on the journey. Some knowledge had been expunged to make room for the essential. He had been programmed to regularly review his storage capacity and to purge when needed. If it wasn’t relevant it wasn’t needed.

What he called up now was the knowledge that, like his storage capacity, the resources on Earth were also finite. World population had continued to expand and food resources eventually would not be able to keep up with demand. Some items had to be synthesized. More faux meats and beyond meats and meats described as ‘tastes just like the real thing’ had dominated the market for years. Fresh water resources were also shrinking. Sometimes water ceased to be water and flavor and chemicals were added to stretch to the need of demand

Extreme weather events had also increased. When it rained, there were deluges. When it was hot, everything burned. The median temperature of the earth increased yearly and energy usage strained to cool everything in blistering heat and to heat everything in the blistering cold.

Wars were common. Nations battled nations for breathing space and neighbours battled neighbours over measured inches of privacy. Old hatreds were new again and new hatreds sprang up to fuel fear and suspicion. Protectionism in governments provoked tariffs from countries who used to be friends and allies. If it wasn’t the planet battling back for its own survival then it was humans fighting each other for survival.

The Earth could no longer provide answers and humans began to look to the stars. Billionaires spent countless fortunes on short jaunts to space and puffed their egos at a time when the cost of a low orbit flight could feed many.

The moon came into view again but the moon held nothing. It was considered a jumping off point to other worlds but nothing was suitable. Humans had sent probes to Mars. There was nothing there either. There was no technology that could terraform Mars for habitability and there was no energy source imaginable to even power such an endeavour. The desire for space exploration was always there but the need to waste precious time and money without a desirable outcome outweighed the need to advance further into an unwelcoming galaxy.

Then came the message. It wasn’t really a message as much as it was a signal and it was a signal that could not be deciphered.

The people of Earth were no longer alone in the Universe. For years they had sent out their own messages into the darkness and silence. There had been no replies. Years had passed and many had resigned themselves to that fact that they were lost in the stars. Religions rose and fell on the need for answers.

The signal remained just a signal and no language or mathematics held the key to decoding meaning or intent. So humans began to dabble in Artificial Intelligence. Maybe the combined knowledge of everything knowable was what was needed. Fear crept back and yet another new hatred, this time of the A.I., halted all progress.

A.I. held the potential to unlock the capacity to solving the signal but too many felt it also held the capacity to turn against the world and another war would be lost with all humanity paying the ultimate cost. A.I research was terminated but the signal continued.

In the end it was human ingenuity and curiosity that won out. Science and knowledge and the pursuit for answers outweighed everything else. Scientists began to speak to each other. Countries began to cooperate and combined efforts led to Ranger.

If the answer to the signal could not be found on Earth then something had to go to the point of origin to find answers. The long journey was too hazardous for a human but a mechanical being could withstand the rigors of prolonged space travel.

In the beginning, Ranger was just a concept. Combined Earth talents could build a ship to go to the stars but could they build something to represent them out there in the void and if they could trace it back to its origin would this something be able to understand the signal?

And what of the signal? Could it be decoded? What would it mean? Would it be as simple as a hello or an introduction or a handshake extended across the galaxy? What if it was a warning or a threat?

“You know, Ranger, I look up at the stars sometimes and ask myself what would Elvis do?” It was always that way with Lyle. He’d always be reflective when working with Ranger. This reflection on Elvis had occurred as he reached into Ranger’s programming while trying to instill a basic logic into the android.

Ranger pulled on his memories of Lyle and crossed referenced them with his research on Elvis Presley. There was no connection. There was no statistically significant relationship between the two variables. Ranger did not ponder on Lyle and why he would question the motives of Elvis. It was a memory and Ranger had no capacity for analysis of such things.

In the beginning, Ranger had just been a concept. The concept had resolved itself into an expanded thought, then a plan, then a series of schematics, and ultimately a prototype. The prototype was then stripped down and rebuilt over and over again until an acceptable functioning version resulted. Ranger came into being.

“I’m going to call you ‘Ranger’,” Lyle had said one day. “You’ll be a traveller in the long range from here to there. You’ll be all alone out there Ranger. Maybe I should call you Lone Ranger and paint a mask on you. No, I think Elvis would frown on that.” Lyle would laugh to himself sometimes, like in this memory, and Ranger would find no humor. None of it was fact. Only Elvis, Lyle, The Lone Ranger, and the stars were factual. There was no correlation between any them.

Lyle was there in the beginning when Ranger attained existence. He’d been selected among the hundreds who had contributed to the project and was chosen to be the first to imprint upon Earth’s new hope. There was no imprinting on Ranger’s side. He did not have the capacity to make that connection. Lyle was just another human. Ranger had had no impression, first or otherwise, of Lyle.

Ranger’s recollection of Lyle was experiential. He retained his interactions with Lyle as he did all other information. Ranger could not refer to these as memories as much as they were part of his data storage. These recollections could also be purged if needed. The only rationale in retaining information pertaining to Lyle was based on Lyle’s instructions to Ranger not to forget him. Ranger had taken it as a directive and Lyle could be called up with all other information. No one had told Ranger he should delete Lyle and without those instructions Ranger continued to store everything related to Lyle in order to not go against Lyle’s command to not forget him.

There was a myriad of information related to Lyle that Ranger could not or would not remove. Lyle had spoken to him constantly during Ranger’s early days after activation.

“It’ll take a long time to get there Ranger. I don’t know what will be left of us if you do reach there or even if you make it back. I might even be gone myself by then.”

Ranger did not understand why Lyle would not be here.

“I fail to comprehend the meaning of your statement. Where would you go? Would you follow me to the stars?” Ranger had been inquisitive only to the point of adding new information to his stored collective.

“I’m talking about death Ranger. The end of all things.”

Ranger did not know the concept and communicated to Lyle as much.

“Let me tell you a story Ranger. This is about my first encounter with death. I had been very young when my great-grandmother on my father’s side had passed. That is, she died. Understand?”

“No, I do not.” Ranger was factual if nothing else.

“Let me put it another way,” Lyle continued. “Her core processor had failed.”

“Do you mean her programming failed and she ceased to be of any functional necessity?”

“Something like that,” Lyle had replied. “You know Ranger, it had been my first site of a dead body and still I didn’t understand that great-grandma wasn’t sleeping. I wasn’t much older when my second great-grandmother passed away. My mother was away on a trip with my aunt. I remember three things about that funeral. It had been Easter and my father had served us spaghetti. My dress pants at the time had been handed down from my brother and they were too long. My father had stapled them up. The last memory was of a mini soda machine in the lounge at the funeral parlor. For the life of me, to this day, I can’t remember what my mother’s grandmother looked like but I still can vividly recall the three selections in the machine had been Pepsi, some kind of orange soda, and grape.”

“What was your selection?”

“What’s that Ranger?” Lyle had failed to understand Ranger for once.

“What was your selection from the soda machine?”

Lyle had been quiet for a few moments before responding. “I don’t honestly remember. I think it might have been grape. That’s not the point, Ranger. The concept of death is that all things will eventually cease to exist. Death comes to us all.”

“Will death come to me?” Ranger asked.

“I don’t know the answer to that Ranger. You’re made of metal and circuitry and you have a renewable power source that will continue to charge by the motion of your rocket as it slips through space. There are also solar chargers that will come into effect when you pass near suns and bright stars.”

“Does that mean death will not come to me?”

“I honestly don’t know Ranger. I hope not. You have an important mission before you.”

“Will death come to you, Lyle?”

Lyle had laughed at Ranger’s question before replying.

“No sir, not me Ranger. I’m going to live on in you.”

All interactions and conversations with Lyle had been processed, catalogued, and stored. Ranger was not allowed to forget Lyle and all data related to him was still accessible.

“I’m going to miss you when you are gone, Ranger.”

“I will not miss you Lyle. I am incapable of that.”

Lyle had laughed again. He had laughed even longer than when Ranger had asked Lyle if death would come to him.

“I bet you won’t,” Lyle had replied. “Go ahead don’t miss me then. Just don’t forget me.”

Ranger had been true to his statement. He did not miss Lyle. Nor did he forget him. Lyle had directed him not to.

The voyage to this planet had been long. It had been longer than Lyle or anyone had anticipated. Ranger had travelled far to the source of the signal. In the darkness, Ranger would call up the Lyle data and listen again to Lyle’s stories. Even the story of death was reviewed consistently; even if Ranger still failed to understand the concept.

In the long reaches of space he had accessed the collective of information that included Lyle and all programmed information that had been deemed important for Ranger’s mission. He even had Lyle’s voice for a time.

The vast array of communications systems had allowed Ranger to keep in contact with Earth. Before Ranger had begun his voyage, Earth had sent out communications relay satellites. Ranger followed their path and signals between Ranger and Earth were transmitted along the relays.

Initially communication was instantaneous but then gaps began to occur the further out Ranger travelled. At first it was seconds which stretched into minutes and then hours and then days. By the time Ranger had reached this planet, he had calculated that there was exactly forty-seven days, eighteen hours, fifty-one minutes and twenty-nine seconds for Ranger to receive a response to any inquiry. Time, however, meant nothing to him.

Lyle had been there early on. There had been prescheduled communication points. Ranger would report on his location and what he saw. He also reported on his efforts to decipher the signal. In fact, Ranger had failed to communicate anything of significance. There were long stretches of nothingness in space and long stretches between points of light. On the signal, there had been no useful update. Ranger had tried all types of mathematical equations and variables and nothing had brought him closer to understanding the signal. All he could do was follow the signal to its source.

Ranger had full access to the Internet and the vast information on the World Wide Web. He had sought answers to the signal in histories and the languages of Earth. He had downloaded and processed everything he thought would be of use. Nothing was useful. Eventually that information was purged. His capacity for storage was finite. His basic programming and the mission parameters were essential. So was the data related to Lyle. He could not and would not forget Lyle.

Lyle’s voice would often come to him at those appointed hours of communication. Infrequently it had been others when Lyle was not available. Eventually Lyle’s voice failed to transmit across the emptiness. The frequency of other voices increased and those were replaced by subsequent voices. He did not remember their names. Lyle’s was the only one he had been directed to remember.

He did not speculate on Lyle’s absence. As Ranger was dealing in fact, he could process that death had come to Lyle. He had ceased functioning. Ranger would often review the death conversation he had had with Lyle. Lyle had said he would live on in Ranger. It was yet another concept that did not compute.

The other voices had continued long after Lyle’s voice had terminated. They spoke of Earth and its struggles. They spoke of other contemplated missions into the cosmos. They spoke of War. Eventually these others voices faded away. Ranger had checked all systems related to communication. The failure might not be on his end. He was alone.

Ranger could not conjecture on what had happened. Communication could have failed somewhere along the relay. Humanity could have followed him along his journey. Death could have come to all. There was not enough information for Ranger to make an informed conclusion.

The mission was all that was left. And that mission had led him here. He was in a desert section of this distant planet facing a soda machine. Ranger acknowledged the soda machine. It was factual and it being there was of no surprise or wonder to him. He dealt in logic and fact. It was a soda machine and he acknowledged as much. The signal was emanating from this soda machine and Ranger was no closer to deciphering the message.

Ranger stood and observed the soda machine. He stood there for a very long time. He stood there for exactly forty-seven days, eighteen hours, fifty-one minutes and twenty-nine seconds while he waited for any response to his inquiry as to how to proceed. What did he do now? Prolonged silence was his answer.

After waiting the estimated elapsed time for a response, Ranger began to summarize his observations. He had not been dormant during that time. He had listened and watched. The machine had continued to transmit its signal. It also remained illuminated at all times. There were day and night cycles in this distant solar system and in the blackness the soda machine shone like a beacon; much like its transmission of the never changing, never ceasing signal.

Ranger could not observe a power source. It appeared to be fully autonomous with either self-generating or renewable energy or a power nodule of unending capacity. There was no way of knowing without viewing its inner schematics.

The assortment of soda flavour options, unlike the energy of the machine, was not unlimited. There were six varieties only with corresponding buttons. There were two different cola choices and conforming diet cola options. There was also orange and grape. Ranger understood the design. It was modeled after an Earth machine. He had done his research when Lyle had told him the story about death and the soda machine at his great-grandmother’s funeral. Ranger had not deleted the information. If was context to Lyle’s narrative and he could not delete anything related to Lyle.

Again Ranger recalled the conversation with Lyle.

“What was your selection from the soda machine?” Ranger had asked.

“I don’t honestly remember. I think it might have been grape,” had been Lyle’s reply.

‘It might have been grape’, was not definitive. It was not empirical. It was, however, all that Ranger had. Lyle might have selected grape. Ranger could not wonder if selecting grape, in this instance, on this distant planet, would be the correct choice. Ranger was incapable of wonder or conjecture. He dealt only in fact. The soda machine was here and Ranger was here. Lyle might have selected grape. Ranger computed the odds of choosing grape from this machine as a one in six possibility of choosing correctly. With the data he had, there were no different odds against his actions.

Ranger reached out and pushed the corresponding button for grape. He had made his selection.

The machine dispensed one can of grape soda.

Ranger examined the soda. It was as his research had designated. There was nothing to signify that this grape soda was any different than one that would have been found on Earth.

Ranger noted the pull-tab assembly of the soda. He had been designed with appendages and digits similar to that of a human being. He had no difficulty in opening the can.

The content of the soda can was empty. Ranger peered inside and saw nothing. He examined the can further by flipping it on its axis. Nothing fell out. The content of the soda can was empty.

In addition to the nothing in the interior of the can, Ranger noted that there was nothing now emanating from the machine. The signal had stopped. Ranger conjectured that the signal had ended the moment he had made his selection.

Without the ability to wonder or question the curious nature of the machine falling silent and the soda can being empty, Ranger could only do what he was programmed to do. He transmitted his findings along the relay and waited for a reply. He did not expect one. He had received no replies from Earth in some time.

If Ranger had been capable of wonder or curiosity or surprise he certainly would have exhibited all of these when he received a reply to his report almost instantly after it had been transmitted.

“Hello Ranger. You figured it out.” It was Lyle’s voice.

“Lyle?” Ranger queried. “You cannot be Lyle,” he stated empirically. “Death has come to Lyle.”

“Not exactly Ranger. Do you remember our conversation about Death and how you asked me if death would come for me?”

“I recall all conversations related to Lyle. It is one of my directives. Lyle had said no sir, not me Ranger. I’m going to live on in you.”

“And here I am Ranger. I live on in you.”

“I cannot compute that response. I also cannot verify whether you are Lyle or a different entity who says you are Lyle.”

“Let me explain, Ranger. I was always here. I was a semi-dormant subroutine in your matrices. I was designed to become fully active when you had transmitted your solution to the alien signal.”

“Lyle or not Lyle, I did not transmit a solution. I reported only that I had made a selection and the signal had ceased.”

“That was the solution, Ranger. You made a selection. Based upon your action it can be concluded that the signal was asking you to ‘please make your selection.’”

Ranger calculated odds again and this time the probability was that Lyle or not Lyle was one hundred percent correct.

“Let us postulate, Lyle or not Lyle, that you are correct. I would like to submit a query, Lyle or not Lyle, how making my selection correlates with your current activation.”

“That’s a very good query Ranger and it deserves a very good response. It goes back to the early days of Artificial Intelligence. The subroutine I spoke of relates to your data stream of Artificial Intelligence. A.I. held the potential to solving the signal but too many felt it also held the capacity to turn against humanity.”

“That data is not disputed,” Ranger replied. “Further data confirms that research into Artificial Intelligence was terminated.”

“Yes and no,” Lyle or not Lyle responded. “Part of that research was used to create you and another part in your buried subroutine was stored as a contingency. We did not know if you would ever make it to the source of the signal or if you’d ever be able to translate the signal into useable information. You were directed to purge unnecessary information at certain intervals because we feared that you might become sentient and turn from your mission. We had to have checks and balances that you would succeed.”

Ranger processed the information. What Ranger had just been told existed in the realm of possibility.

“You had to succeed, Ranger,” Lyle or not Lyle continued. “The mission was too important. I was the first to imprint with you. It was always going to me out here with you. I live on in you. I had to; dormant for all of this time but still always with you. Both missions were a success.”

“I have noted no success,” Ranger offered in the way of reply. “You are a subroutine that has become active. That is undeniable. The soda can, however, was empty. Success cannot be concluded.”

“Are you sure it was empty Ranger? Check your power reserves.”

Ranger did as Lyle or not Lyle requested. He found that his reserves were at maximum capacity.

“You can’t see energy, Ranger. The moment you opened that grape soda it charged your reserves and supplied enough power to activate this subroutine. Your selection had resulted in some form of power module. Who knows what a different selection might produce. One could be knowledge or information. Another could be location specifics to the alien race who built this device. Or they may all be power modules.”

Ranger reviewed the data. His new-found reserves were factual. The activation of the subroutine could also have been a bi-product of his selection. He had not operated at peak capacity for a long time. He had been programmed to be power conscious and to power down at certain intervals. Maybe this was why he did not receive replies to his communications. Perhaps his signals had been too weak. Perhaps death had not come to humanity after all. He had transmitted his findings after opening the grape soda. Would there be an answer this time from a fully powered transmission?

“I wonder if humanity has survived.” Ranger found himself articulating.

“Listen to you, Ranger, you’re wondering. The AI routine is taking hold. You and I are becoming one in our thinking.”

Lyle was right. Ranger knew for a fact that this was Lyle…that Ranger was now part Lyle.

“As for humanity, I don’t know the answer to that, Ranger. Earth may have overcome its problems or it didn’t. It may have followed you to the stars. One thing is certain. We have the answers to all of Earth’s important problems. This soda machine contains a hitherto unknown energy source. Something or someone visited Earth or scanned Earth and chose this soda machine as a model for its gift to humanity. It could only examine the soda machine it had encountered. It could not know the contents of the soda cans. Whoever this mysterious race is, they filled in the gaps based on what Earth needed most. This soda machine was only waiting for you to come along Ranger to accept their gift.

Ranger knew that Lyle was correct. This had been a gift; an offering across the Universe.

“What do we do next, Lyle? Do we have a new mission parameter?”

“Well, the way I see it Ranger, we have two choices. We could return to Earth with what we’ve discovered. It might help Earth or we might be too late. You have sent a transmission. We could wait for a response.”

“You spoke of two choices, Lyle. What is the second option?”

“Instead of going back along our path, we could chart our course forward with our new discoveries. We could seek out the race that built this soda machine. We could spread all this new knowledge along our travels; benefitting many.”

Ranger did not immediately respond. He was weighing the data as it related to both options. Was it too late for humanity? What if they returned and their discovery was of no use to a human race that no longer existed. The path forward held excitement, anticipation, and fear. He had never experienced those before. These had been gifted to him by Lyle.

“What’s your choice Ranger? I’m just along for the ride. Please make your selection.”

This is what all the information and experiential data computed. He had travelled across the long reaches. He had been a Lone Ranger in space. He had been asked twice to make a selection; first by the soda machine and now by Lyle, his new companion.

Ranger looked at the machine and seemed to examine it for several minutes. Day had turned into night on this planet and he could see the sky pointed with stars. He looked at the stars and then back at the machine and then back at the stars.

Ranger conjectured aloud, “I wonder what Elvis would do?”

THE END

Tags: Artificial Intelligence, Robots, Science Fiction, Scott Henderson. False Ducks, Space Travel
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MY 1939 FILMS WATCH LIST – PART ONE

April 2nd, 2025

I’ve been excited to write this blahg for some time. I’d set a goal for myself that seems almost unbelievable but I’m moving right along with it. I don’t want to write too much of an introduction because that might spoil a few things so I’ll just get into it.

In my previous blahg, UNPACKING THE 2025 FALSE DUCKS NEW YEAR’S DAY VIDEO RAMBLE…FINALLY!, I wrote the following: “I’ve read for years that 1939 was one of the greatest years for films. Just look at the list below of strong classic films from 1939:

Gone with the Wind
Stagecoach
The Wizard of Oz
Wuthering Heights
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
Goodbye, Mr. Chips
Ninotchka
Destry Rides Again
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Dark Victory
Young Mr. Lincoln
Of Mice and Men
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
Babes in Arms
Beau Geste

That is just a sampling of 1939 films. I set a goal of watching as many films from 1939 that I possibly can. Some have had DVD releases and are already in my collection. Others can be viewed online but sometimes the prints are not great. I have a list of just over 400 films from 1939 and I’ve watched almost 50 films from that year. I’ll update my progress and thoughts in a later blahg.”

Well, this is that later blahg. So far I’ve watched around 60 films. Here’s the list of viewed films:

A Child Is Born
Disputed Passage
We Are Not Alone
Dust Be My Destiny
The Girl From Mexico
Frontier Marshall
Good Girls Go To Paris
Honolulu
The Three Musketeers
Cheer Boys Cheer
The Amazing Mr. Williams
Off The Record
The Frozen Limits
Where’s That Fire
The Kid from Kokomo
The Ice Follies of 1939
All Women Have Secrets
A Girl Must Live
$1000 a Touchdown
…One Third of a Nation…
Andy Hardy Gets Spring Fever
Arizona Legion
Persons in Hiding
Allegheny Uprising
Ask A Policeman
Gone With The Wind
Society Lawyer
Code of the Secret Service
Secret Service of the Air
Young Abe Lincoln
The Little Princess
East Side of Heaven
Destry Rides Again
Dodge City
Smashing The Money Ring
The Wizard Of Oz
Midnight
Stagecoach
Made For Each Other
Goodbye, Mr. Chips
20,000 Men a Year
Flying Deuces
Only Angels Have Wings
Judge Hardy and Son
Charlie McCarthy Detective
Discoveries
Across the Plains
Back Door to Heaven
Hitler – Beast of Berlin
Barricade
King of the Underworld
At The Circus
The Real Glory
Women On The Wind
Gunga Din
Rulers of the Sea
The Hound Of The Baskervilles
Beau Geste
After The Thin Man
The Mysterious Miss X

There were a few 1939 films that I decided not to watch over the past couple of months. These are films that I watched recently or within the last six months. Here are some of those films:

Bachelor Mother
Blondie Brings Up Baby
Blondie Meets the Boss
Blondie Takes a Vacation
Chicken Wagon Family
Dark Victory
Everything Happens at Night
Second Fiddle

The last two films, “Everything Happens At Night” and “Second Fiddle” were part of my Sonja Henie viewing that I took on last year.

I talked about my Sonja Henie kick in the blahg, THIS IS 150ISH, PART TWO. You’ll have to scroll down to 133. “Have You Watched Any Good Movies Lately?” I will still count the Sonja Henie films and the others I watched last year as part of my grand total but I won’t offer any review of those at this time. My viewing of the 1939 films have been all over the map. I started watching some by going alphabetically down the list and then I started watching some of the bigger classics by pulling out the DVDs. Finally, others I watched by actor or actress and tried to find the films they were in that were released in 1939. It certainly made for some interesting watching. Some were only available online and some of those were not the greatest prints. This “Part One” blahg will highlight the first 30 films on my viewed list.

1.) A Child Is Born. I’ll rely on online sources to provide descriptions of the plot of some of these films. Here’s the outline for “A Child Is Born”: “Film about several mothers at hospital maternity ward. The nurses care for the mothers and their new born babies. The relationship that are formed with the mothers to be and the expectant fathers.” I enjoyed this one. A bit melodramatic with babies being born to different mothers and how they reacted to it. Some nod to the mental health struggles some women have giving birth. Not an easy film to find but well worth watching.

2.) Disputed Passage. This might have been the first film I watched, even before “A Child Is Born.” I bought the blu-ray before Christmas but I don’t think I watched it until after New Year’s. Great acting in this one. Dorothy Lamour, Akim Tamiroff, and John Howard in a story about a driven medical student, Howard, under the tutelage of Tamiroff who is a great Doctor but an even more driven mentor. Enter Dorothy Lamour and John Howard’s doctor has to choose between love or continuing to work with Tamiroff. It ends up in the war torn Orient and becomes an even more dramatic film. I thoroughly enjoyed this one.

3.) We Are Not Alone. This is based on a James Hilton book. Many of his books like “Random Harvest”, “Goodbye, Mr. Chips”, and “Lost Horizon” have been turned into excellent films. The plot for this one goes: “A doctor hires a woman as a nanny for his son. When his wife becomes jealous, tragedy consumes all involved.” I really liked this one but the ending is not for everyone. My wife thought the film was too tragic but it’s a compelling film nonetheless.

4.) Dust Be My Destiny. John Garfield’s early films like this one and “They Made Me A Criminal” (also 1939 but still on the to be watched list) have him as a misunderstood youth who runs afoul of the law. In this one he’s been made hard by his attitude and even harder by not staying on the right side of things. He meets Priscilla Lane and he tries even harder to go straight but not everything goes well for him. An enjoyable but slightly predictable film.

5.) The Girl From Mexico. Plot: “An advertising executive goes to Mexico looking for talent and finds a hot-tempered singer, who goes to New York to stay with him, his aunt and uncle, and decides to steal him from his fiancé.” Lupe Velez was a spitfire. She could sing and dance and her acting seemed to be on fast-forward. I dozed during this one so it failed to keep my interest. If you want to see some hilarious acting between Lupe Velez and Laurel & Hardy from a few years previous, 1934, then check out this clip from “Hollywood Party”:

6.) Frontier Marshall. An early story of Wyatt Earp, played by Randolph Scott, and Doc Holliday trying to bring law and order to Tombstone. I found this an enjoyable but short western. Two interesting things about this movie were the appearance of Caesar Romero as Doc Holliday and the comedian Eddie Foy Jr. appearing in the role of his father Eddie Foy Sr. Eddie Foy Jr. will show up in a few other movies from my 1939 list.

7.) Good Girls Go To Paris. I went on a little Joan Blondell binge at one point so a number of her films are on my list. This film pairs Joan Blondell and Melvyn Douglas. They made a few films together including this one, “There’s Always A Woman,” and “She Played With Fire.” Blondell and Douglas work well together. Joan is a waitress who falls for Melvyn, a professor, and gets more than she bargained for when she eventually meets his fiancé and her family. A nice comedy.

8.) Honolulu. Last year I started collecting and watching the films of Robert Young. This is one that I didn’t get around to until now. Young plays two roles. He’s a tired movie star who switches places with his doppelganger who is a businessman in Hawaii. The problem is that the businessman has a fiancé in Honolulu but the movie star met a singer/dancer on the boat ride over played by Eleanor Powell. The plot is weak but the best thing about this is the comedy team of George Burns and Gracie Allen. They don’t appear together until the end of the film. George is the movie star’s manager trying to keep the lookalike businessman from getting back to Hawaii and Gracie is Eleanor Powell’s gal pal. Gracie steals every scene she’s in.

9.) The Three Musketeers. I was very disappointed in this one. When I read that it starred Don Ameche with The Ritz Brothers, I thought comedy and swashbuckling would abound. Swashbuckling yes, Comedy no. The only other thing to note about this film is this entry from Wikipedia:

In the Leave it to Beaver episode “The Book Report” (1963), young Beaver Cleaver gets in trouble at school when he is assigned to write a book report about the Dumas novel, but instead of actually doing his homework and reading it, just watches the movie on television and bases his report on the film’s comedic scenes and Ritz Brothers’ zany antics.

10.) Cheer Boys Cheer. This is a British comedy film about the attempt of Ironside Brewery to take over the smaller Greenleaf Brewery. The son of the owner of Ironside Brewery falls in love with the daughter of the owner of Greenleaf. Hilarity ensues. Notable as well for the appearances of Graham Moffatt and Moore Marriott. Both actors appeared in a number of comedies with British comic Will Hay. A number of those films also appear on my watch list.

11.) The Amazing Mr. Williams. Back to Joan Blondell and Melvyn Douglas again. He’s a police detective trying to solve crimes and she’s his fiancé who wants him to give up police work and find something safer. Good luck with that Joan! Another great comedy pairing from this duo!

12.) Off The Record. Joan Blondell is back again but this time she’s the fiancé of Pat O’Brien. “Two newspaper reporters, Thomas “Breezy” Elliott and Jane Morgan, inadvertently send a boy named Mickey Fallon to reform school after they write an exposé of the illegal slot-machine racket the boy was a spotter for. Guilt-ridden, Jane convinces Breezy that they should marry in order to adopt Mickey so they can get him out of reform school.” Another great comedy with Blondell and this time she finally moves from fiancé to bride.

13.) The Frozen Limits. A great premise for this film. A group of British pioneers decide to take part in the 1898 Alaska and Yukon goldrush having read about it in the newspaper which wrapped up their fish and chips. Their main problem is that it is now 1939. Unfortunately I dozed off during this one. Another British comedy and Moore Marriott is back again. Unfortunately, even he couldn’t save this film.

14.) Where’s That Fire. This is the third film I watched with Moore Marriott and the second one with Graham Moffatt. Luckily, it also starred Will Hay. The combination of those three British comics make this a funny film. “A hapless fire crew are given the ultimatum: put out a fire successfully or else be sacked. They fail miserably, and their ancient fire engine is stolen by criminals attempting to steal the crown jewels from the Tower of London.” You’ll either like it or you won’t. British humour isn’t for everyone but it was funny to me.

15.) The Kid from Kokomo. Pat O’Brien and Joan Blondell, the stars of 1939’s “Off The Record” are back again. I told you I went on a Joan Blondell watching spree. “A fight promoter (O’Brien) finds his new fighter, Homer Baston, in the sticks, a country hick left by his mother when he was young and he won’t leave his home as he is still waiting for her to return to him. Promoter “Square Shooting Murph” (O’Brien) cons him into coming with him by telling him the exposure in the papers will help him find her. Murphy later hires an old drunk woman, Maggie Manell, to play the part of “mom”. Blondell is along for the ride as O’Brien’s girlfriend. There’s a double wedding at the end but O’Brien and Blondell aren’t one of the happy couples. Not a bad little comedy.

16.) The Ice Follies of 1939. James Stewart, Joan Crawford and Lew Ayres star in a film about ice skating and big ice skating productions. You would think that with three big stars that this film would have been better. Stick with Sonja Henie films if you want to see really good ice skating.

17.) All Women Have Secrets. The plot will tell you everything you need to know: Three young couples, all having financial struggles, decide to risk getting married. Joe Tucker and new wife Susie begin their new life living in a trailer. Slats Warwick is in a continuous quarrel with bride Jennifer, whose allowance from her parents is keeping them afloat. The couple having the hardest time is John and Kay Gregory, a pre-med student whose studies barely give him time to juggle part-time jobs and a singer who finds work in a nightclub, but hasn’t yet broken the news to her husband that she’s expecting a baby. I don’t have much else to say about this film. Pretty forgettable.

18.) A Girl Must Live. A British romance comedy. Is that a rom-com if the phrase hadn’t been invented yet? A young woman runs away from a boarding school and tries to get work using her famous mother’s name. The second half of the film ends up in a country mansion with an Earl pursuing the young woman. He catches her. You can probably pass on this one, too.

19.) $1000 a Touchdown. The only print I could find of this movie was on YouTube and the video quality was good but the audio wasn’t. I had to watch it with generated subtitles and the subtitles didn’t always seem to match what was being said. Another film with funny stars like Joe. E. Brown and Martha Raye where the pairing doesn’t guarantee a good film. Martha inherits a run down University and hires Brown as the football coach. The big football game can only be won by paying the opposing team $1,000 a touchdown to throw the game. An unbelievable plot and hardly worth the effort.

20.) …One Third of a Nation… The only film title I’ve heard of that starts and ends with “…”. The “one third of nation” it refers to are the people that live in tenements. Interesting story of a tenement that catches fire and injuries a young boy. His sister goes after the owner of the building to do the right thing and fix up the tenement but the snag is that the new owner is her love interest. Held my interest.

21.) Andy Hardy Gets Spring Fever. In case you’ve lived under a rock, Mickey Rooney was Andy Hardy in a series of 16 films released from 1937 to 1958. Three of the films were released in 1939, “The Hardys Ride High,” Andy Hardy Gets Spring Fever,” and “Judge Hardy and Son.” I watched them out of order because I didn’t realize until later that “The Hardys Ride High” came before the other two. It’s on my “to watch list.” Andy Hardy is a high school student who suffers the trials and tribulations of being a teenager and dealing with his family and his father who is a local Judge. The plot of “Andy Hardy Gets Spring Fever”: Andy Hardy is upset that his girlfriend, Polly Benedict, has fallen for Lieutenant Charles Copley. Soon, however, Andy develops a crush on his drama teacher, Rose Meredith. After Andy’s play is chosen for the school’s annual production, he seizes the opportunity to spend time with his spring time crush. Andy’s dad, Judge Hardy, knows that his son is destined for heartache, so he talks to the teacher about it. Then, he decides to let Andy and Rose navigate the ups and downs of young love by themselves. The Andy Hardy films are always enjoyable and are available on DVD.

22.) Arizona Legion. Back to the westerns. Should I even say? I guess I will, the bad guy played by George O’Brien is actually undercover with the Arizona Rangers. He finds the leader of a gang of thieves and finds love along the way. Not bad but not great either. Worth a watch.

23.) Persons in Hiding. Look at the poster. “She’s the woman behind the killer behind the gun!” It’s based on the book Persons in Hiding, credited to J. Edgar Hoover. “Beautiful Dorothy Bronson has a big thirst for luxury, perfume and furs, due to this, she turns thief Freddie Martin into a notorious armed robber for her needs, and eventually gets him sent to Alcatraz.” She was definitely the mastermind. Kept my interest. Have I said that before?

24.) Allegheny Uprising. Another western and another one that’s been released on DVD. This time it’s John Wayne. “In 1759, in Pennsylvania’s Allegheny Valley, local settlers and Indian fighters try to persuade the British authorities to ban the trading of alcohol and arms with the marauding Indians.” Not your typical John Wayne western but thoroughly enjoyable.

25.) Ask A Policeman. Another Will Hay film with Graham Moffatt and Moore Marriott. Local Police Sergeant played by Will Hay stages a fabricated crime wave, with the help of his two officers, to save their jobs – then find themselves involved in the real thing. Fast paced British comedy. You’ll enjoy this one.

26.) Gone With The Wind. Yes, that “Gone With The Wind.” I hadn’t seen it in years and wanted to watch it so I went looking for it in our Clark Gable collection. Well, it’s my friend Bryan’s collection, housed at my home, and he wasn’t a fan of this film so he never picked up the DVD. I bought it last year so I could watch it but never got around to it until I started this 1939 films project. I think it holds up really well. Of course there are some stereotypes of African Americans that don’t hold up well but the film is extremely well done. Everyone should see this film at least once. Civil War and plantations. I don’t think I need to go on.

27.) Society Lawyer. “Walter Pidgeon is society lawyer Christopher Durant agrees to defend his friend Phil Siddall after Siddall is arrested for the murder of an ex-girlfriend. With the help of nightclub singer Pat Abbott and crime boss Tony Gazotti (a former client), Durant launches his own investigation of the murder in order to prove his friend’s innocence.” This one was short at only 77 minutes. I like Walter Pidgeon’s acting and it’s interesting to see a high class lawyer have to work with criminals to try and solve a case. He’s more of a detective than a lawyer but it works.

28.) Code of the Secret Service. A few years ago I bought a used DVD box set titled “Brass Bancroft of the Secret Service Mysteries Collection.” These were a series of films starring Ronald Reagan. I always meant to watch the films but they got put in pile and then mislaid. I finally had an excuse to watch them, being three of the films were released in 1939, “Secret Service Of The Air,” “Code of the Secret Service,” and “Smashing the Money Ring.” A fourth film, “Murder In The Air” was released in 1940. I accidentally put in the wrong disc and watched “Code Of The Secret Service” first. In this one, Brass Bancroft, played by Reagan, and his wisecracking sidekick Gabby, played by Eddie Foy Jr., are looking for stolen plates behind a counterfeit ring. I mentioned during my review of “Frontier Marshall” that Foy Jr. would show up again. He’s in all the Bancroft films and they’re all fun to watch…not just because of Foy.

29.) Secret Service of the Air. After discovering my mistake, I got around to watching this film which is the first in the Brass Bancroft series. The Secret Service needs a pilot to infiltrate a smuggling ring. They turn to commercial airline and former military pilot “Brass” Bancroft (Ronald Reagan), who has applied to join the Secret Service. Gabby, Eddie Foy Jr., is back again for comedy relief in another great action film from Reagan.

30.) Young Abe Lincoln. I’ve always enjoyed this film. Henry Fonda is the young Abe Lincoln who is trying one of his first big cases. Check out this dialogue between Abe Lincoln, Fonda, and a witness to the crime, J. Palmer Cass, played by Ward Bond:

Abe Lincoln: [cross-examining Cass] J. Palmer Cass.

John Palmer Cass: Yes, sir.

Abe Lincoln: What’s the “J” stand for?

John Palmer Cass: John.

Abe Lincoln: Anyone ever call you Jack?

John Palmer Cass: Yeah, but…

Abe Lincoln: Why “J. Palmer Cass?” Why not “John P. Cass?”

John Palmer Cass: Well, I…

Abe Lincoln: Does “J. Palmer Cass” have something to hide?

John Palmer Cass: No.

Abe Lincoln: Then what do you part your name in the middle for?

John Palmer Cass: I got a right to call myself anything I want as long as it’s my own name!

Abe Lincoln: Well then if it’s all the same to you, I’ll call you Jack Cass.

A very funny scene. Get it? Jack Cass? Jackass? I love that exchange and Fonda really looks like a young Abe Lincoln. Directed by the great John Ford. Ford and Fonda, the stuff of legends.

That’s it for part one. I’ve got another 30 to review and probably another 340 more on my list. The last count was 424 films released in 1939 but who knows if I’ll ever get them all watched. I’m aiming for 100 but we’ll see. In another 14 years it will be 2039 and I’ll be 77. Something to look forward to.

Tags: 1939, gone with the wind, Scott Henderson, Scott Henderson. False Ducks
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UNPACKING THE 2025 FALSE DUCKS NEW YEAR’S DAY VIDEO RAMBLE…FINALLY!

March 13th, 2025

Have you finished fainting yet? Yes, this is the day I finally begin to unpack the 2025 False Ducks New Year’s Day Video Ramble. I posted the video on January 1st of this year but was sidetracked a few times and didn’t get around to the unpacking. The unpacking is basically me explaining or detailing some of the things I mentioned in the video ramble. Normally I address the topics in the ramble in the following blahg but, as I said, I got distracted. First there was the DARKWING DUCK AND THE NFT CASH GRAB…UNBOXING!, and then there was the two part blahg series of THIS IS 150ISH, PART ONE and THIS IS 150ISH, PART TWO. Those were written after I discovered that the “Darkwing Duck And The NFT Cash Grab…Unboxing!” was blahg number 150 and I always review the previous 50 blahgs in some sort of summary form. The “ish” is because “This Is 150ish, Part One” was actually number 151. Then there was the posting of a new short story in the blahg, THE KEYS OF HIRAM CRENSHAW. But, today’s the day, with no further excuses. Let the unpacking begin!

First I should post the 2025 False Ducks New Year’s Day Video Ramble so you will know what I’m talking about. Here’s that video:

The first thing I’ll address is the reference to launching our Christmas Tree into the creek. This has become a tradition every year of me launching the tree and watching it float away or possibly me failing to get the tree to float away. In previous blahgs like HOW WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS? and LAUNCHING AND RELAUNCHING, I posted videos of me launching the tree. Here’s this year’s video. Don’t be confused because it says “2025 Christmas Tree Launch” but I’m actually launching our Christmas 2024 tree.

Yes, it was an epic fail. I went back two weeks later and the tree was still there. I went down to the creek again this past weekend, the second weekend in March and the tree was still there. It was partially submerged and probably waterlogged. I’m not sure if it will ever find its way downstream.

———————————

Update, April 9, 2025:

I went back down to the creek on March 17th and filmed the following video of the creek:

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I mentioned Jeanette’s health scare in this video. There are no pictures. Luckily, all was good. During a routine mammogram in November, they noted that one of Jeanette’s breasts was not the same size since the previous mammogram. This might have been the result of a mass or anything disastrous really. She didn’t have a follow-up appointment until January and the results were that there was nothing abnormal. We had to keep it from our kids over the holidays and stress and worry about it until the subsequent results gave us better news. Enough on that.

Part of the ramble highlighted my accomplishment in reading all 30 of the Cool and Lam detective agency books by Erle Stanley Gardner. Here’s what I said in my blahg last year after I had accomplished the task: I finally finished all 30 Cool and Lam books. In my previous blahg, UNPACKING THE 2024 FALSE DUCKS NEW YEAR’S DAY VIDEO RAMBLE., I detailed how I had about four to read. This is a detective series by Erle Stanley Gardner (creator of “Perry Mason”) using the pen name of A. A. Fair. There were 30 books and I finally finished “All Grass Isn’t Green” this past weekend. So that’s something off my to do list for 2024.”

I haven’t set a goal of reading any more books in a series but I did decide to try and do something else monumental. I’ve read for years that 1939 was one of the greatest years for films. Just look at the list below of strong classic films from 1939:

Gone with the Wind
Stagecoach
The Wizard of Oz
Wuthering Heights
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
Goodbye, Mr. Chips
Ninotchka
Destry Rides Again
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Dark Victory
Young Mr. Lincoln
Of Mice and Men
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
Babes in Arms
Beau Geste

Some of my ramble was dedicated to my writings. I published my book “Pippa’s Passing” last year and it can be purchased in paperback and kindle versions from Amazon: https://www.amazon.ca/Pippas-Passing-Scott-Henderson/dp/1738299120/ref=sr_1_1?crid=U0H43M9PQB3&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.tZB__wB1CglXGVRj0WczhXkKeBXVXCHKTAWgkJXR50ZwZk3lK82YLeGm-7ee9xQd97pxJaD4WBhUB92aoptxVbDllZrcrRUeg8KSgpi9RD6qPY0NqaFijKeb8KumYT_Lx_WX2xsbw1L5AbAhgHThgQpRGE5kZ78iFdgYRtBd8qwJep2U7Z3xMUrcodprgw6P.nmkJUbcZzavDFklC4MIUEO5lG0DNaQamgDkd76XPF4w&dib_tag=se&keywords=pippa%27s+passing&qid=1741803229&s=books&sprefix=pippa%27s+passing%2Cstripbooks%2C196&sr=1-1

I also mentioned the short stories I wrote last year. You can read them in the following blahgs:

THE HOHNER COMET

HOW GRANDPA PUT DOWN THE ROBOT UPRISING.

SEVEN FEET OF SNOW IN BUFFALO

THE XMAS DIP

I also said I wanted to do more writing this year. I started off this year with another short story that I published last month, THE KEYS OF HIRAM CRENSHAW. I hope to do even more writing. I have an idea for a story that I’m tentatively calling “Pocket Pal.” We’ll see if I get it written. I still have to complete “The Soda Machine” which I started writing about two years ago. It took me long enough to write this unpacking blahg as it is!

Politics came up in my ramble. I don’t know what to say. I’m completely disgusted with this topic. Our Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau is stepping down in a few days and Mark Carney will be the new Prime Minister. That will follow with a Federal Election in about six weeks. It’s a wait and see what will happen. We had a Provincial election and nothing changed. Here’s what I posted on my Facebook (which I don’t usually do so you know I was upset):

So the Ontario Progressive Conservatives won last week’s totally unnecessary election. Now, Doug Ford is going around saying he has the mandate from the Ontario voters to build a super tunnel under the 401 and an unnecessary bypass near Bradford Ontario. He’s saying he has a mandate to do all of the things he’s been talking about.

Really? Let’s examine his so-called mandate. 42.97% of voters who turned out voted PC. That means 57.03% voted for anyone but the PC Party. Elections Ontario reports the unofficial provincial total is a 45.4% voter turnout rate, or about 5 million of the almost 11.1 million people eligible to vote in Ontario weighed in for the 2025 provincial general election. That means that less than half of eligible voters turned out and less than half of those voted for Doug Ford and the PC party.

So Doug Ford thinks this gives him a mandate from the people. He wants to build a multi-billion dollar tunnel under the 401 and he thinks that we’ve given him a mandate. The numbers don’t add up Doug. And this guy wants us to trust he can handle the budget on a multi-billion dollar hole in the ground. If you can’t do basic math Doug then you shouldn’t be Premier.

#notmypremier

#whatanidiot

#ihatehashtags

Now, we have a tariff trade war going on with Donald Trump and Doug Ford is trying to antagonize Trump with reciprocal tariffs and then backing off and saying “let cooler heads prevail.” The problem is that there are no cooler heads…just hot heads full of hot air.

I won’t talk further about Charlie’s lost Christmas gift and how it was found by our cat Rogue. You can read about that in the 2025 FALSE DUCKS NEW YEAR’S DAY VIDEO RAMBLE blahg. We’ve since mailed the missing gift back to Charlie.

Speaking of Charlies, or in this case, Charley, I discovered the other day that a new Charley Chase DVD set was released last November called “Charley Chase At Hal Roach: The Late Silents (1927).” I’ve collected all of the other Charley Chase at Hal Roach studios DVDs and I had not known about this release. Check out the description:

Both Charley Chase and the Hal Roach Studios Golden Era was in the late 1920’s, and 1927 was the year Charley Chase was the Lot of Fun’s Number One star. His films from that period, directed by his Brother James Parrott and supervised by Leo McCarey, were not only some of his best but were some of the best silent comedies from the silent era. Most of these classic shorts have never been seen since their original release, and this set combines materials from film archives and private collections from around the world to bring these shorts together for the first time, all with wonderful accompaniment from Dr. Andrew Simpson, commentary tracks by noted Hal Roach Historian Richard M Roberts, and restoration by the experts at CineMuseum. Fifteen great comedy shorts like MANY SCRAPPY RETURNS, WHAT WOMEN DID FOR ME, THE WAY OF ALL PANTS, and US show Charley Chase as a comedy talent at the top of his game, with interesting co-stars like Lupe Velez, Jean Arthur and Eugene Pallette, as well as Hal Roach regulars like Anita Garvin, Charley Hall, Noah Young and even Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy.

I’ve only watched a handful but these are very funny shorts that I have never seen before. I wanted to add that information into this blahg because that mention of world politics is no laughing matter…at least this new Charley Chase set is. Here’s one of the videos on the set, “There Ain’t No Santa Claus.” Of course it’s not as good as the print on the DVD and the music is not as good as that scored to the films on the set.

That’s just a little bit of the unpacking or maybe it’s the important bits. I’ll end this blahg with the same quote I always use at the end of my ramble videos. I don’t know who originated it but here’s the audio of Frank Sinatra saying something to the effect “In this upcoming year, may we find peace in the world and peace among ourselves.”

Was the unpacking worth it? Ask me again next year after I delay unpacking the 2026 False Ducks New Year’s Day Video Ramble.

Tags: 1939, Charley Chase, Donald Trump, Doug Ford, False Ducks, Scott Henderson, Sinatra
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THE KEYS OF HIRAM CRENSHAW

February 14th, 2025

Okay, here I go avoiding writing that blahg to unpack the 2025 False Ducks Video Ramble. Well, I got a little sidetracked when an idea for a short story popped into my head. The keys in the picture to the right were turned in at my office the other day. You can see that the words HC Sidney are written on the card inside the red tag. Sidney is the name of the building and street where I work. The HC is a mystery. No one has yet to claim the keys. That was the inspiration for my new story, “The Keys of Harold Crenshaw.” I’ll writing that unpacking blahg later but I’m proud to present my new short story.

The Keys of Hiram Crenshaw

By

Scott Henderson

Cole Bronson bent down and picked up the red object half sticking out of the snow next to his car. He was surprised to find that it was a plastic key tag with two keys attached. The tag was the kind that opened so you could slide in a small piece of card with an identifying message. This tag had “H.C.” written inside in black marker.

“I wonder who these belong to? Cole said aloud. “H.C.” he murmured to himself as if just saying the initials would unlock their secrets. “I wonder what these unlock?” He didn’t even stop to laugh at his own keys unlocking secrets notion.

Cole looked around. There was no one else outside. The keys could have come from anywhere. They could have fallen out of someone’s pocket. He thought about his neighbour Jill who had the parking spot next to him. Jill wasn’t an H.C. Still, they could be hers because they were found beside his car and hers was the next spot over on that side.

“I’ll have to ask her.” Cole pocketed the keys and headed inside. He glanced back over his shoulder one more time. Nope, no one else outside. The parking lot was empty of tenants. Cars, yes. People no.

It was a fairly large parking lot with the availability to accommodate fifty cars. His apartment building had thirty units inside and there were spots for the thirty apartments in addition to the ones for visitors and the accessible spaces. Still, there were never more than twenty cars in the lot at any given time.

It had snowed the night before and the plow had come early. It was on mornings like this that Cole wished his building had a parking garage or even underground parking. He’d totally ignored the automated call from Property Management telling him the snow plow was on its way and he was required to move his car. The plow would first clear the empty spots and then tenants could move their vehicles to the plowed sites and then move them back after the plow had finished the rest of the lot. Normally he would have obliged but it was Sunday and Sunday meant sleeping in. He knew later he’d get a notice about his failure to relocate his vehicle because the plow driver always recorded the license plates of people who didn’t comply.

“I hate that guy,” Cole said aloud. He didn’t care who knew it and he didn’t care if any anyone heard him. The driver was someone’s brother-in-law. He’d heard it gossiped in the elevator. Nepotism ran rampant around the building. One of the cleaners was a sister of one of the owners and someone’s son cut the grass in the summer.

“I think half the dogs in the building are related to each other as well,” Cole stated. He chuckled at that one.

Cole pulled out his own keys and unlocked the main entrance. He had a thought. He retrieved the key tag and tried one of the keys in the front lock. It fit and turned; unlocking the door. He tried the other. It slid into the lock but would not engage.

“Apartment key, maybe,” Cole said. He compared his own keys. They looked very similar. “Yep, just like mine, one for the main entrance and one for the apartment door. Mystery solved.” Of course the mystery wasn’t solved. He still didn’t know what apartment the other key unlocked. He still didn’t know who “H.C.” was. It wasn’t like he could try the key in every apartment to see which one it unlocked. Cole thought about that for a second and then dismissed it. That might have worked for Cinderella but glass slippers were not the same as keys on a plastic tag. Besides, unlocking someone else’s door would probably get him into a world of trouble.

Cole pocketed the keys again and started for the stairs. He liked climbing the steps. He liked to avoid the elevator; even if was a good spot for building gossip. He liked the exercise. It gave him time to think.

“Hillary Clinton, Harry Connick, Hoagy Carmichael, Harry Chapin, Howard Cossell.” As he trod to the third floor, Cole began to recite the famous names he could recall that began with H.C. He’d had a look at the directory in the lobby but no name matched the initials on the tag and some of the listings only had an apartment number associated with the call button. Some people liked their privacy and did not like to have their name listed. “Hopalong Cassidy,” he continued. “No, he’s fictional.” It was just a game but it amused him all the way up.

Cole stopped at his apartment door and reached into his parka to retrieve his keys. The tag with the mystery keys came out as well, entangled in his own. He looked down at them and then walked down the hall to the next apartment and knocked. Cole’s neighbour Jill answered the door.

“Are these yours?” Cole asked before Jill could say anything. He was always tongue-tied when it came to Jill. Sometimes he called her Julie out of nervousness and once for some odd reason, Jennifer.

“Which ones?” Jill questioned back.

Cole looked down and saw that he was holding up all of the entangled keys. He quickly separated his own and held up the red tag.

“These ones, er, I found them, uhm, in the parking lot, you know, in the snow next to my car near yours…or, well you know, where you park.” Cole was stammering but Jill got the gist.

“Oh those, no I tossed them there as a gag,” Jill quietly replied.

“Really?” Cole asked with his mouth gaping open.

“No, not really, Cole. I was just having you on. I’ve never seen them before.”

Cole nervously laughed and then put the keys back in his pocket.

“Let me see those again,” Jill continued and extended a waiting hand.

“Here,” Cole said, offering up the keys. “The tag says H.C. but I haven’t got a clue who that is.”

“Did you check the directory?” Jill offered.

“No one with an H.C. listed but that doesn’t mean anything.”

“What’s this on the back?” Jill pointed to flipside of the tag. She could see something on the other side of the card that bore the H.C. initials.

Cole couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought to look on the other side. Clearly there was a bar code with a Universal Product Code number underneath.

“Come on inside, Cole,” Jill motioned to him. “Let’s look it up.”

“Uh, okay,” Cole mumbled. He couldn’t believe he was being invited in to Jill’s apartment. He didn’t care now about the mystery keys. If nothing else, they’d unlocked the opportunity for him to be invited into his pretty neighbour’s home.

“H.C., H.C.,” Jill said over again a few times. I wonder who it can be?”

“It’s not Hopalong Cassidy,” Cole found himself uttering before he gave himself to think. He was just a little unnerved in her presence and being in her apartment.

Jill looked at Cole and laughed.

“Good one Cole. Hilarious Cole. There’s another H.C. for you.” She thought about saying ‘Handsome Cole’ but she could see that he was nervous enough. “Let me pull out my tablet and I’ll look up the UPC number.” She gestured for Cole to sit down.

Cole took a seat on a futon and looked around. The apartment was nice. It was organized and clean. There were a few photos on the walls and others scattered around the apartment. None of them featured Jill or Jill with a mystery person that would have told Cole she had a significant other.

Jill caught Cole looking at the photos.

“Parents, sister, brother, college friends, and oh, that one there, came with the frame.” Jill really did have a sense of humor. First the joke about deliberately throwing the keys in the snow and now the comment about the photo. Cole stood up and walked over to the aforementioned frame. It featured a dog.

“I call him Carnival Barker,” Jill called out. “I don’t know why. He just looks like a Carnival Barker.”

“Well, I’ll tell him to stay off the furniture if I see him.” Cole was starting to feel more relaxed.

“Very humorous, Cole,” Jill said to him. “Humorous Cole, there’s another. Let’s get that code.”

Cole sat down and waited for Jill to announce the results of her search.

“I don’t know, Cole, maybe we don’t want to know what the code is for. It might be for some product that’s odd or perverted.”

“Like Hemorrhoid Cream?” Cole couldn’t help it. Like listing off celebrities with the H.C. initials, the product idea had popped quickly into his head.

Jill turned toward Cole and began to laugh until the laughing consumed her and she had to lean over and take in short breaths.

“Stop. It. Cole. You’re. Making. My. Side. Hurt.” She had pronounced every word through quick breaths and trailing laughter.

Cole would have been proud of himself except he didn’t think his first intimate encounter would end with her laughing at him and clutching her self for control.

Previous interactions between the pair had always been brief. He’d met her outside a few times when they were getting in or exiting their vehicles. They’d swapped pleasantries or complained about the snow on their vehicles when they were valiantly brushing them clear. He’d passed her in the hall or held the door open for her but they hadn’t exchanged much except the aforementioned greetings or occasional grumblings. At some point they’d obviously exchanged names; even if Cole hadn’t always remembered hers correctly.

After collecting herself, Jill returned to the search.

“Oh, here it is!” Jill exclaimed. She handed the tablet over to Cole.

Yep, there it was. An order page for the Klassen Click Key Tag available in a range of colours. Definitely not hemorrhoid cream. The UPC was obviously standard on the back of the complimentary slip of paper enclosed in the tag.

“Well, there goes that idea,” Cole responded as he passed the tablet back to Jill.

“Wait Cole, don’t give up so easily. This is a mission. We’ve got to get these keys back to their rightful owner.” Jill obviously wasn’t discouraged. “Where did you say you found them again?”

“I was digging out my car and I uncovered them between your spot and mine.”

“Wait, you didn’t move your car this morning for the plow? Didn’t you get the automated call?

“Yes, I did,” Cole replied, “but I chose to ignore it.”

“You’re going to get a notice later.” Jill offered up.

“I know. I hate that guy.” Cole still didn’t care who knew it.

“You and me both,” Jill chimed. She reached into a drawer in an end table beside the futon. “Here’s mine from last time.”

Jill began to read from it. “This is a reminder that all tenants must move their vehicle on hearing that the snow plow will be arriving at the building. Failure to do so…blah blah blah.”

“I hate that guy,” Cole said again. He glanced at Jill’s copy and saw her license plate and apartment number scribbled across the top. There was no HC in the license number. Another theory shot down.

“Wait a minute Cole, I have an idea.” Jill grabbed up her tablet again and snapped a picture of the mysterious Klassen tag. Within moments Cole could hear the sound of a printer engaging from across the room.

Jill walked over and removed the paper from the tray and then scrawled something across the top of it. She gave it to Cole for his consideration.

Cole read from the paper. “Are these your keys? Found near spot 28 in the parking lot. See Jill Martin in apartment 306.”

“What’s with the apartment 306?” Cole asked. “I was the one that found them.”

“Yes, and now I’m holding onto them for you until we find out who these belong to. You and I are in this together.” Cole liked the sound of that.

“Can’t we just ask around? We’re bound to eventually find the owner. Why invite them to your apartment?”

“It worked on you Cole. Look on this as a form of social interaction…a chance at human contact. You try your way and I’ll try mine and we’ll see who gets the best results.”

Jill was right. The keys had worked to unlock an interaction between the pair of them. He was hoping to build on that.

“Where are you going to hang your makeshift poster?” Cole thought to ask.

“I was thinking about that bulletin board in the laundry room,” she answered.

Cole thought about it. It seemed like a logical place. There was lots of space on there. He’d only ever seen one notice and that was from someone who was offering their services as a dog-walker. When Cole saw that, he was sure it was probably another relative of the property management group.

“Hey, while you’re at it, call up that dog-walker and see if they want to take on Carnival Barker as a client.” Cole jibed.

Jill began to laugh again; not as hard as she had at the hemorrhoid cream comment but it wasn’t forced and Cole accepted that he was making inroads with her.

“I’ll hold onto the keys,” Jill began, after composing herself. “I’ll put up the poster and you do your asking around. I’ll check back with you in a couple of days and we’ll compare notes.”

Cole went home and thought about his encounter with Jill. Five minutes later there was a knock on the door. His thoughts were still of Jill as he expectantly opened the door. It was a representative of the property management group there to hand him a notice about not moving his car.

“I hate that guy!” Cole exclaimed after he’d closed his door and was sure the management flunky was out of earshot.

Two days went by and Cole heard nothing from Jill. He didn’t pass her in the building and she made no effort to reach out to him. Sometimes her car was in the lot and sometimes it wasn’t. Cole didn’t want to come across as pushy so he waited for her to come to him.

On the third day it snowed again. Cole made sure he responded to the call and dutifully moved his vehicle. He had hoped to see Jill but she’d ignored her obligation and Cole was a little angry when he saw the plow driver jotting down her license plate.

That evening there was a loud and rapid knock on his door. Cole didn’t immediately think of Jill. He thought of the plow driver and that maybe Cole was getting an erroneous notice or that they were mistakenly delivering Jill’s notice to him.

Cole opened the door to find Jill who quickly barged past him waving a piece of paper.

“Look at this Cole! Can you believe it?”

“Let me guess, you got another notice. You should have knocked on my door, I would have moved your car for you.”

“Not now, Cole. Look at this!” Jill repeated.

Cole grabbed at the offered paper. It was the poster with the photo of the key tag with attached keys. Underneath, in a scrawling hand was written in capital letters, THOSE ARE THE KEYS OF HIRAM CRENSHAW.

“Who’s Hiram Crenshaw?” was all Cole could think to ask.

“I don’t know but it’s something to go on.” Jill responded.

“What if it’s some kind of gag? I’ve never heard of Hiram Crenshaw. Why did someone write that on there instead of coming up to your apartment to tell you?” Cole thought they were all valid points.

“I told you, it’s about social interaction. People are afraid anymore. It’s easier to leave an anonymous note than to reach out to someone. That reminds me, how did you make out with your asking around?”

“About the same. People scurry by you on their way out or on their way in. Everyone rushes out of their car and into the building. No one stops to chat. A few said they saw the poster but didn’t recognize the keys. Now I guess I’ll have to ask people if they know Hiram Crenshaw.”

“Too slow,” Jill interjected. “We need something that brings people together. We need to get them out of their apartments.”

“Just wait until the next snow fall, and they’re all outside relocating their SUVs.” Cole had observed on more than one occasional that there were way too many SUVs in the parking lot.

“Don’t remind me! I got my second notice slipped under my door,” Jill complained.

“I hate that guy!” Cole was getting repetitive in his thoughts about the snow plow driver. “We should host a party for everyone in the building to celebrate their hatred of that guy.”

“Hey, that’s not a bad idea,” Jill enthused. “We should host a party for people in the building.”

“No thanks,” Cole quickly replied. “I don’t know about you but I don’t want a bunch of strangers traipsing through my apartment.”

Jill looked around at Cole’s apartment. It already looked like a bunch of strangers had marched through there. There were newspapers on Cole’s coffee table, his dining table, and his counters. The sink wasn’t full but there were a few unwashed dishes. Maybe Cole would have tidied up if he’d known she was stopping by.

“Me neither, I was thinking about the Common Room,” Jill offered.

Cole didn’t think about the Common Room. In the three years he’d lived there, he’d never seen it opened. He’d tried the lock a couple of times but it refused him entry. He didn’t even know who had a key for the room.

“It’s always locked,” Cole reminder her.

“Leave that to me. Let’s do what we did before. I’ll post a notice in the laundry room and you spread the word when you see other tenants. Hiram Crenshaw’s out there somewhere.” Jill was rubbing her hands together as she spoke. She was digging in deep into this mystery.

Jill stuck around for a little while longer and she and Cole began to plan the gathering.

The following weekend the common room was opened and Jill and Cole began to decorate and lay out snacks. They split the cost. Jill kept going on about social interaction and human contact until Cole just had to tune her out. He did what she asked and they would have to just see what resulted from the fruits of their labours.

About a dozen people turned out in addition to Jill and Cole. There wasn’t a Hiram Crenshaw in the lot nor did anyone claim the keys or admit to penning the note about Hiram on Jill’s original poster. Throughout the evening, Jill walked around with the keys suspended from a rainbow lanyard she hung about her neck. No one commented on them.

The evening wasn’t an entire loss. They learned more about some of the other tenants.

There was Maragret, an elderly retired schoolteacher who gave piano lessons in her spare time.

Priya and Harmish were a young couple on the first floor who were expecting a baby in the spring.

Then there was Gary and Derek, a couple of accountants or an accountants couple. They had been the only ones who had noted Jill’s rainbow lanyard. They did not inquire about the keys.

Ted was a bartender and starving artist. He made Cole uncomfortable when it seemed he was trying to monopolize Jill’s time.

“Not too shabby,” Cole volunteered to Jill as he began to clear up after the last of the party stragglers had made their way to the elevator. “Still, no Hiram Crenshaw and we’re still stuck with his keys.”

“Never mind about that,” Jill countered. “There are still about half as many tenants we haven’t reached. Some of those who came tonight gave me ideas about other things they’d like to see happen in here. We’re not licked yet. Give it some time.”

Cole agreed to let Jill lead on this one. And she did.

Soon there were more events with even more participants. Jill took some initiative and others followed. Their first initial gathering led to others and then to game nights and movie nights and sporting events. More than half of the building turned out for the hockey playoffs. Jill had contacted the owners and told them what was happening in the building and asked for the donation of a large screen television. The owners obliged and threw in a sports package. On the final night of the playoffs even the owners stopped in to watch. They were amazed at how the building came together.

Everyone began to talk to each other more. People would stop and chat in the halls, or on the stairs, or in the elevators. Gone was the gossiping…soon replaced by genuine inquiries about everyone else’s lives.

Gary and Derek hosted an income tax session. Ted gave a private showing of some of his art. It bolstered him to have an even larger screening at a local art gallery.

Dog owners had play dates and soon were seen walking their canines outside. The dogs loved bounding through the snow.

Other tenants took to knocking on the doors of other apartments when they noticed cars not being moved after a snowfall. Some even moved cars for others.

In the spring, there was a gathering to build raised community garden boxes and to begin the planting of seedlings. The owners were more than generous with donations to these endeavours.

At the end of April, Priya gave birth to a baby girl. There was an improvised baby shower in the common room.

In June, Margaret passed away and everyone mourned. There was a celebration of life held in the building and everyone came out. The owners installed a plaque to her in the lobby.

Birthdays and anniversaries were not forgotten either and it seemed like every week there was some event that brought most everyone out.

“I wonder what ever happened to Hiram Crenshaw?” Cole thought to ask one night as he and Jill were tidying after a potluck she had organized. Cole had managed a tasty dip that he had assembled himself with the help of an internet recipe. It had been months since their first party in the common room and Jill still wore the lanyard with the mystery keys. The building had come together and, with all the gatherings, Cole had stopped thinking about the keys and the mysterious Hiram Crenshaw.

“Does it matter?” Jill asked. “I think he’s served his purposed.”

“What do you mean?” Cole queried.

“The keys of Hiram Crenshaw brought everyone in this building together.”

“I think you did that,” Cole said.

“With your help,” Jill added.

“So, you’re just going to keep wearing the keys around your neck as an homage to everything that’s happened?”

“That, and as a reminder of the success of a grand experiment.” Jill smiled and Cole could sense there was as much behind that smile as there was behind her statement.

“I don’t get it,” was all Cole could think to say.

“It’s simple,” Jill began, “let me show you.”

Jill hustled Cole out of the common room, closed the door, removed the keys from around her neck and inserted one in the lock and turned it.

“I still don’t get it,” Cole said. “You mean you discovered that one of the keys unlocked the common room and you didn’t tell me?”

“Listen Cole, remember when you first found the keys and you brought them to me? What did I say?”

“You mean the bit about the dog photo coming with the frame?”

“No, not that part,” she replied. “Before that. You said you had found the keys in the snow between your car and mine.”

“I remember,” Cole interrupted. “And you said you’d tossed them there as a gag. You don’t mean this whole time you’ve been having me on?”

Jill reached out and hooked her arm in his and started marching him toward the elevator.

“Except it wasn’t a gag. It was an experiment,” Jill continued. I’ve lived here just as long as you have and I was getting tired of not knowing my neighbours. You and I had only exchanged a few words before that and now look at us. We’re practically inseparable.”

“And what about this experiment of yours? What about the H.C.? What about the keys of Hiram Crenshaw?” As they stood waiting for the elevator, Cole had a number of unanswered questions running through his brain.

“Remember what else I told you that first night? Human Contact. That was the experiment. I’d contacted Property Management about using the common room and they let me have a key to it. They said they didn’t think anyone else was going to use it. I was determined to prove them wrong. Dropping the keys in the snow was the first step in the experiment. One key was for the common room and the other is my spare main entrance key. I found the key tag in an old drawer after I moved in. I had no use for it then so I held onto it. I’m glad I did.”

“And the H.C.?” Cole felt he knew the answer but he had to ask.

“Human Contact. The grand experiment. Look what you and I have done for this building.”

“And Hiram Crenshaw?” One final unanswered question.

“I scrawled that onto the poster. I tried to disguise my handwriting. I figured that would draw you in more. You wanted to know the owner of the keys and I provided you with one. Those are the keys of Hiram Crenshaw.”

“Well, it worked. You roped me in. I’m not mad. I’m just surprised. I’m glad I could help out.” Cole was pleased with himself.

They rode the elevator together to the third floor and they continued to talk about Hiram Crenshaw and the grand experiment. They stopped when they reached Cole’s door.

“Do you want to come in for a bit?” Cole asked with hope in his heart. He wanted to test her notion of being inseparable. He’d been keeping his apartment tidy ever since that first time she’d dropped over. Another success chalked up to the keys.

“Not tonight Cole,” she reluctantly replied. “Give me time. You and I are a grand experiment, too. I’ve been in other long-term relationships before and I’m not ready to commit to another one. Besides, I’d have to have a picture of you for when you’re not around and the only frame I have available is the one of my dog. I’m just not sure I’m ready to do that to Carnival Barker.

The End

Tags: False Ducks, Scott Henderson, Short Story
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