A funny thing happened as I was preparing to write a new blahg.  Funny things always happen on the way to work, the forum, this blahg.  The truth is that maybe it’s not all that funny but I intend this blahg to be funny regardless.   This is blahg number 50.  That’s right, I counted them all up and there were exactly 49 before this blahg. 

     Fifty blahgs in 4 years?  I’m sure that’s not a record to boast about.  I remember when I started this blahg that I had high ambitions.  I deluded myself into thinking I could write two blahgs a week.  I then amended that goal to write 50 blahgs before I turned 50.  I turned 50 in September of 2012.  I guess I missed that goal as well.  To tell the truth, I’m just glad that I’m still writing; even if I don’t know if anyone is reading. 

     If I’m being really honest, some of my blahgs were a cheat; in a way.  There have been a couple of video blahgs and one where I just posted “Je Suis Charlie.”  Still, those were times where I made a concentrated effort to at least post something.  So what about this blahg?  I don’t really want to rehash what I’ve posted before but I also want to pay homage to the 49 blahgs before this one.  And I wanted to make it funny.  So, I thought fifty statements pulled from or related to the previous blahgs that sum up my philosophies.  Of course, I realize that posting 50 statements with some commentary, images, or music would make this a very long blahg indeed.  That’s why this blahg has a “Part One” added to it.  You’ll get the second half in my next blahg.

     Here goes with Part One: 

1.  The Most Happy Sound.  I guess this is subjective.  It might be the sound of your own voice or someone else’s voice when they’re telling you they love you, or they like you, or they tolerate you, or they’re paying back that money you loaned to them and gave up all hope of getting back.  Maybe it’s the first sound or first word from your child.  It could be music or a train whistle or a dog whistle if your hearing’s that good.  I think the most happy sound is “there, another blahg done”. 

2.  Frank Sinatra.  I wrote two blahgs in the beginning about Sinatra.  If you haven’t guessed:  I AM A FAN.  I once saw a button that said, “It’s Sinatra’s World, We Just Live In It”.  Given that Sinatra would have been 100 on December 12th of this year, I think that’s still appropriate.  Come back to the five and dime, Frank Sinatra, Frank Sinatra. 

3.  When A Good Man Goes Missing.  Go looking for him.  There’s a lyric to a song from the movie “Meet Danny Wilson” starring Frank Sinatra and Shelly Winters that goes like this:  “A good man nowadays is hard to find.”  No he’s not.  Sometimes he’s right under your nose…or behind this blahg. 

4.  Turn off your cell phone.  That originally was meant for people in movie theaters.  Now I’ll open it up to everywhere else.  Turn it off and put it away.  You might just discover there’s a big beautiful world out there that you couldn’t see behind your phone’s screen.  You might also avoid walking into a telephone pole or oncoming traffic.

5.  David Letterman Broke My Cookie.  Mmmmmmm, cookies!  Especially Christmas cookies.  Pass the milk please. 

6.  Merry Christmas.  I know it’s probably not politically correct to say that but substitute words and celebrate whatever you celebrate.  Me?  I said it was going to be Sinatra’s birthday on December 12th.  I’ll celebrate that.  Happy Birthday Ol’ Blue Eyes! 

7.  Happy New Year!   In another month it will be 2016.  Of course the Chinese New Year won’t be until February 8th, 2016.  It will be the year of the Monkey.  I was born in the year of the Tiger.  My youngest daughter was also born in the year of the Tiger.  Funny, neither of us looks good in stripes. 

8.  The Death of A Big One.  I wrote that blahg about the shutting down of the file sharing website, Megaupload.  That now defunct website has been in the news again recently.  Shady dealings and underworld ties are all the rumors.  That particular blahg also saw the publication of one of my poems, “The Death of a Big One,” about a giant snowman and my friend ‘The Gar’.  I reconnected with ‘The Gar’ by email this year.  That will be this thought.  Reach out and touch someone…but ask permission first.

9.  The Washing Machine.  Well, we still have that washing machine and it still works.  My old dishwasher died however this past year but I won’t mourn it here.  Besides, the new one works much better.  Oh, by the way, clean out your lint traps on your drier and vacuum out the venting hose.  We found that made a world of difference in our drying time.  Anyone know how to knit a sweater from 10 pounds of dryer lint?

10.  A Little Crazy In The Head.  Or you could say, Poco Loco In The Coco.  A nice song but then I don’t need a song to tell me I’m a little loco.  Who am I kidding?  If the loco comes in any other sizes, I’m probably an extra-large. 

11.  April Fools.  My friend, Glenda, was born on April 1st.  She is very clear that if a joke is played after noon on that day then it doesn’t count as an April Fool’s Day joke.  I wonder if she was born before noon?  If not, then I guess she’s just an ordinary fool or joke like the rest of us. 

12.  I Shined Jerry Lewis’ Shoe.  True story but then you’d know that already if you’d read that blahg.  This past weekend I re-watched “The Geisha Boy”.  It is still a very funny and moving film.  When are they going to release his last movie, “Max Rose?”  Get on with it! 

13.  Toshiba Sucks.  I don’t know if they still do but I still have problems with my Toshiba Blu-Ray player.  Really, it was their customer service and their product that did all the sucking…sucking the energy right out of me.  Only a Hoover should suck.  Get it?

14.  Some Things To Celebrate.  Well, let’s see.  Christmas.  New Years.  A Federal Liberal majority here in Canada.  Oh, and there’s that thing about Sinatra’s 100th Birthday.  Did I mention that already?  Probably did, but then maybe I didn’t.  My mind’s a little fuzzy, I’ve made it to 50 and I’ve been celebrating a little too hard.

15.  The Life of Riley.  The salt of the earth.  The apple of my eye.  The sweat of your brow.  Practise what you preach.  The writing is on the wall.  All phrases that have come and gone and come back again.  PT Barnum once put up a sign saying “this way to the egress”.  He wanted to move his patrons along but when they went to find the egress they found the exit instead.  They both mean the same thing.  He also said there’s a sucker born every minute.  If you’ve read this far, I guess it’s true.

16.  Advice For The Next 50:  Think For Yourself.  I’m tired.  You think of something funny for this one.

17.  Remembering Phyllis Diller.  I still miss Phyllis Diller but it’s time to remember some other celebrities who left us in 2015:  Dickie Moore (Our Gang star and first on screen kiss for Shirley Temple…not too shabby).  Martin Milner (Route 66 & Adam 12.  “One Adam 12, One Adam 12, see the man.”).  Jean Darling (another Our Gang star.  Are there any left?)  Yvonne Craig (1960s Batgirl.  Forget Cat Woman, it was always Batgirl).  Omar Sharif (“Lawrence of Arabia”, “Doctor Zhivago”, “Funny Girl”…that guy had class).  Patrick Macnee (Another actor with class.  John Steed from The Avengers…not Marvel folks, the British spy series).  Dick Van Patten (One of my favorite TV Dads.  Father to the “Eight Is Enough” brood).  Leonard Nimoy (Spock, among other things.  I got to meet him and shook his hand about 7 years ago.  He was a delight).  Anita Ekberg  (What a beauty.  I think she was the ‘bust’ in the Jerry Lewis & Dean Martin comedy “Hollywood or Bust”).  Donna Douglas (Elly May Clampett on The Beverly Hillbillies.  Did I say it was Batgirl that floated my boat?  I better amend that to say it was a tie with Elly May).  Frank (Our Christmas Cat.  We had to have him put down this year and he still is missed every day).

18.  My Christmas Wish List.  I don’t know what’s on my Christmas Wish List for 2015 besides World Peace.  World Peace should always come first because everything comes second to that.  Health, love, and happiness are all there.  I wished on the first star of the evening the other night and wished for World Peace and then a Happy Christmas with my family.  That’s all I really need.

19.  What Is Wrong With The World?  I ask myself that every day.  Maybe I should spin that question and ask what’s right with the world.  What Is Right With The World?  There are lots of good people and lots of good things happening.  Unfortunately those get overshadowed by the bad things done by bad people.  Maybe it’s time to focus on acknowledging all the good.  Remember my little ditty?  “Do good.  Do good, it’s brotherhood.  It feels so good to say, ‘I did good’.” 

20.  If You Can Read This, You’re Too Close.  Leave it to me to turn a bumper sticker into a blahg about my own poetry.  Roses are red, violets are blue, if you like my poetry, there may be something wrong with you.

21.  The Better Person.  Be the better person.  You may be right but you don’t always have to prove it.  To heck with that.  I’m always right.  In your face!

22.  Deanna Durbin.  My body might belong to Batgirl or Elly May but my heart, after my wife, belongs to Deanna Durbin.  Do yourself a favor and watch “Lady On A Train” over this Christmas season.  It’s always a favorite in our house.

 

 

 

23. More Poetry From The Mind of Scott Henderson.  Here’s one for this holiday season.  If you ever wondered about the word ‘Xmas’ then this might explain it to you.

 

                                              ‘bout Xmas

now I don’t expect
ya’ll get the meanin’
of that
‘til sometime
in mid-july

and ya’ll be sittin’
in the cab
of a half ton truck
stopped at
a railroad crossin’

and ya’ll look up
at that
big X sign

and ya’ll remember
mid-december
in yer winter parka
at the Walmart checkout
behind someone searchin’
through her purse
fer the correct change

 

24. I Am Still Here. This was a sad blahg about the death of my friend Roni and our little kitten, Willow (aka Super Faster Hair).  I had not written for a while before posting that blahg.  That happened again this year after the passing of our beautiful cat Frank.  Over the past 4 years of writing this blahg, we lost not only our cats Willow and Frank but June and Stella as well.  I don’t want this to be all sad so I’m posting a picture here of Zoey and Annie.  Zoey has been with us a couple of years but Annie is our new addition that came into our home this past August.  This is the first picture I have posted of our little black kitten, Annie.  You can see that she and Zoey are best friends.  Click on the picture for a larger view.

25.  All That Jazz.  The original title of that blahg was “Zoey, Frank, June & All That Jazz” but I’ve already talked about the cats.  I continue to enjoy Dixieland Jazz and I think I have mentioned, or maybe I haven’t, that I really like The Salt City Five who later became The Salt City Six.  If you are curious about the name, they originate from Syracuse, New York which once had big Salt productions.  Now you know the history of the name and now you can enjoy their music.  Here’s a real swinger called “That’s A-Plenty”, taken from their self-titled LP “The Salt City Five” on the Jubilee label. 

Next time:  THIS IS 50, PART TWO

 

 

      I think I’m finally getting my groove back. At least  it hasn’t been four months since my last blahg.  If I calculate correctly it’s only been about three weeks.  That must be a record for me.  I probably would have written sooner but…well read on and you’ll find out. 

     I have half-heartedly been trying to think of a topic for this new blahg.  Some things have happened in the past three weeks that certainly could have been a good topic.  We had a federal election here in Canada and the Conservatives were ousted and the Liberals, under Justin Trudeau, gained a majority.  I was tired of politics so I decided not to waste my time on it.  One note, I’m glad to see Stephen Harper go.  Reminds me of the song, “I’ll Be Glad When You’re Dead, You Rascal You”.  Not to be one to wish ill on him, I’ll change that title to “I’ll Be Glad When You’re Gone, You Rascal You”.  Here’s hoping Mr. Trudeau, who is being sworn in today, will live up to all the electoral support her garnered. 

     The other topic I considered was the run Canada’s only baseball team, The Toronto Blue Jays, made towards the World Series.  It was quite the time watching them in the playoffs.  I have to admit, I didn’t follow them during the regular season but there’s something about a run at the pennant and the world series that swept most of us onto that bandwagon.  The Blue Jays made a phenomenal comeback against the Texas Rangers in the American League Division Series and certainly gave it their all against the Kansas City Royals in the pennant race.  Kansas City was the better team and they proved it by going on to win the World Series over the New York Mets.  Oh what could have been! 

     Neither of these topics really resonated with me for a blahg and even if I combined both topics into one narrative, I think I wouldn’t have been happy with the results.  All during this time, something happened to me on a personal level that resulted in the motivation to write this current blahg.  In June of 2014, I wrote a blahg entitled WANTED: ONE GOOD JOB.  It was my struggle to find employment that was meaningful and empowering.  Finding that one good job took some time, however, and is the topic for today. 

     I have detailed before, my work experience with the Community Development Council of Quinte (CDCQ).  While I was employed there I had the opportunity to work along side some wonderful people.  One of these people was my friend Sandie.  She was in charge of some good programs at the CDCQ and I was always impressed by her.  She left the CDCQ after I did but I would still run into her and always enjoyed having conversations with her.  She was very progressive and her employment choices were always leading her to better opportunities.  When I did meet up with her somewhere, she was always studying something and working to better herself.  Eventually I learned she had become the Executive Director of the local chapter of the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA).  I knew she was the right person for that role and when our paths would cross at meetings or conferences, I continued to be impressed by her. 

     This past summer, I was contacted by Sandie to have a conversation with her about a project being undertaken by CMHA.  I guess she too had been impressed by my skills over the years and wanted to know if I would consider assisting CMHA to pursue Accreditation.  I was certainly pleased that she had considered me for the role but I frankly had no experience in the Accreditation process.  What Sandie saw in me, however, was my research skills.  Essentially that’s what the role would entail.  It would involve investigating the various Accreditation organizations and guiding CMHA to make a decision that would best suit their needs.  Looking at it that way, I knew I could do a decent job for her. 

     During the first two months of my employment as Accreditation Coordinator, it was certainly a learning curve.  First, I had to get used to actually going into an office again.  The last two employment contracts I had allowed me to work from home.  Let’s say the dress code for working at home is quite different than those expected in a work environment where there are other people to consider.  I enjoyed my work however and it was great to be working with/for Sandie.  My friend Joan, who had also worked with us at the CDCQ, is also working at CMHA and it’s always fun to converse and kibitz with her.  I was only employed for one day a week, Friday, and there were some days when old home week with Joan and Sandie prevented me from getting all my work done.  That’s one of the perks that I would not trade! 

     After those first two months, I was given the opportunity to increase my employment with CMHA.  One of the programs offered by CMHA is Mental Health counseling.  There are individual and group sessions offered to community members as well as to tenants in the emergency shelters operated by CMHA.  Sandie came to me again and asked me if I would be interested in performing the duties as a counselor.  One of their counselors had been off on a leave and had been expected to return in November but had her leave extended until March.  This left her case load to be shared among the other counselors who already had full plates.  Sandie knew I had a background in Children’s Mental Health when I worked with Youthdale and offered me the counselor position for the next five months.  So now I work Tuesdays and Fridays while wearing different hats. 

     So, what is the point of this blahg?  Well, it’s about dignity.  I wanted one good job and got two…with the same agency.  Someone, in this case Sandie, saw the potential and the experience and took a chance on me.  I didn’t even have to submit a resume.  The first job was a quick meeting at her office and the counselor position was a phone conversation following an email.  I can’t tell you how this has made me feel.  No wait, of course I can tell you.  I felt wanted again.  Here was someone, Sandie, who recognized my skills and knew I could do a job that I, myself, was unsure I could do.  Sandie is constantly telling me how nice it is to have me working at CMHA but I’m the one who feels privileged.  It isn’t often you get the offer of one good job…let alone two.

     I wanted to end this blahg with some appropriate music.  I recently discovered that most of the music files linked to my previous blahgs had been deleted from my server.  I’m in the process of putting them all back and making sure the links work.  Of course this gives me the opportunity to add some new music files.  In the past few months I have added quite a few jazz CDs to my collection by buying up some newly donated treasures at a local thrift store.  One of the artists I really enjoy is Broadway star Betty Buckley.  I bought eight CDs by her and one of my favorites was from her first album that she released in 1967.  She’s very young and bubbly.  One track I really enjoy is “Call Me.”  It’s about someone being there for someone else.  It speaks to what I’m doing now and what Sandie did for me.

UPDATE 2021: 

I don’t work there anymore.  It’s a complicated story and I’ve moved on.  Enough said!

     It’s happened again.  Three months have elapsed since my last blahg. You might think it’s the same old story but believe me when I say it’s a completely unbelievable story this time around.  I sometimes think my life would be a great movie, of course starring me, but then I also think that I wouldn’t want to watch it.  Let’s bring you up to speed. 

     I mentioned in my last blahg that my father fell at the end of January and broke his hip.  He was in the hospital for six week and came home in mid-March.  While he was in the hospital they made a diagnosis that he had functional dementia which simply means he functions well in his home environment.  This makes sense because he had some bad days in the hospital when he didn’t even know who I was.  Part of this was due to the long stay and because he had become dehydrated.  After they started getting fluids into him, he responded well but still had his off moments.  Given the fact that they had made the functional dementia diagnosis, the Doctor said he would have to report it to the Ministry of Transportation and my father’s license would be suspended.  That ended his driving.  I’ll quickly add that my parents decided to give me their 2005 Ford Escape because I continue to take them to appointments.  I’m working on transferring the ownership over before the end of this month.  Last week, however, a police car followed me home and a police officer questioned me about the ownership of the vehicle.  He said he had scanned the license plate and the registered owner had come back as having a suspended license.  I knew they were going to pull his license but it’s been more than two months since I was told that by the Doctor and we never received a letter from the Ministry.  I’m working a little harder now to get that vehicle transferred to my name. 

     The two months since my father came home have been fairly hectic.  He had some incontinence issues which were not fun to deal with but he’s doing fine now for the most part.  He walks with a walker because he’s still very unsteady on his feet.  His mental capabilities are better now that he’s home and also able to to smoke.  There was an incident this week that I will write about shortly though that has stopped his smoking for good.  I need to first talk about my mother. 

     It has not been easy for my mother to have my father back at home.  There have been many support workers coming into the house for my father and my mother wasn’t getting all of the attention.  This has caused her to have many mood swings and to play up her normal daily ailments.  I’ve been working to have her assessed for her mental health and her mental health nurse saw her two weeks ago and her preliminary assessment wasn’t all the favorable.  I think however that the assessment came at a very bad time.  My mother had been complaining a lot more about her arthritis and other ailments.  She had already been to her Doctor a few weeks before and her pain medication had been increased so I knew we couldn’t get it increased again.  Monday evening of last week, my mother called me and said she had the flu and wanted to go the hospital.  I tried to explain to her that you don’t go the hospital for the flu.  She decided to tough it out.  The next morning I receive a call from my father’s home-care worker that my mother was very weak and almost fell.  I drove in and decided to take her to the hospital.  In fact, she was so weak that I couldn’t get her into my vehicle so she had to go by ambulance. 

     I’ll start a new paragraph on this saga because it will lead into the current situation.  I followed in my vehicle thirty minutes later to the hospital; giving them a chance to take her in and assess her.  When I got to the hospital she was siting in a wheel chair in the waiting area.  It took another 4 hours before she was admitted to emergency triage and another 15 minutes after that before we saw a Doctor.  He said Mom was not at all well and that her blood work showed that a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) had played havoc with her blood pressure and kidneys.  I’ll shorten this part of the story by saying she was admitted to the hospital and put on a regimen of antibiotics.  She responded very well and was doing well enough that she came home this past Sunday. 

     My mother continued to improve when at home but on Tuesday evening she called me because she had fallen and could not get up.  My wife and I met my sister and her husband at the house. We managed to get her back on her feet. She had gotten up about 10 that night to get a drink and didn’t turn on any lights. When going through the dining room she tripped over a laundry basked by her chair and went down. She didn’t hurt herself and after examining her we determined she was a little shaky from the accident but had not injured herself. Wednesday morning I received a call from her nurse who has been checking on her since she came home. Mom had fallen again. She did not injure herself but her blood pressure was way up and she had a temperature of 103. She suggested Mom go back to the hospital because her UTI may be flaring up and Mom was pretty weak. I drove in and met my brother Dan and his wife at the house. I could see Mom was in rough shape so we called for an ambulance because we could not move her. Dan and I waited an hour after the ambulance took her up and then went to the hospital. We had to wait another half hour to see her in Emergency. She was hooked to an IV and was sound asleep. The Doctor had not seen her yet and they told us we should go home and they would call with an update.

     I received a call from the Doctor in charge in Emergency that day at 5 pm. She told me my mother was in very bad shape and that the whole family should come up to the hospital because her blood pressure had dropped so low that they couldn’t get it back up and they thought she wasn’t going to make it. I called everybody and we all met at my parents’ house before going to the hospital. My brother Dan was the first one to arrive at the house and the smoke alarms were going off. My father had set fire to the table cloth and kitchen table while smoking. It completely ruined the table. See the photo for damage.  Needless to say that all cigarettes have been confiscated.

     We all went with my father to the hospital. When we saw my mother she was in rough shape. She knew something was wrong when we were all there. She began to rebound however, to some new medication and fluids and within an hour her blood pressure was back up and the prognosis was much better. There was a different Doctor by this time and he said she was miles better than when the previous Doctor had made the call an hour before. It looks like Mom picked up an influenza pneumonia strain from the her last stay in the hospital and it was dormant for a couple of days before hitting her hard. She is in an isolation room at the hospital but they expect her to make a full recovery. I saw her last night and she’s doing better but she’s still pretty weak.  

     That was pretty much the week that was.  A quick note to end off this incident.  I saw a very similar table to the damaged table at a local thrift store.  They wanted $150 so all of my siblings and I each threw in some money and bought the table and installed it at my parents’ house.  If my mother is home for Mother’s Day it will be a nice present for her.  She’s aware of of the fire and damage to her old table and when she’s home and has enough strength, she’ll probably kill my father.  That will be one less parent to deal with and the other will be in jail for his murder.  I joke. 

     I didn’t want to make this blahg all sad news with nothing joyful to note.  There has actually been some great news.  Deb Talan of The Weepies has survived and beaten her cancer.  In the interim,
The Weepies released their first studio album in five years.  For Record Store Day last month, there was a special purple vinyl LP release of the new album.  I was lucky that my local record store, Sam The Record Man (there used to be a large chain of those in Canada but ours is the last one), had two copies.  I was reading on The Weepies Facebook page that many fans drove for hours or stood in line for hours and came up empty.  The picture on the right doesn’t do it justice.  It’s a fantastic album. 

     The title track “Sirens” was released a few months ago and it started me salivating at the prospect of the new album.  Give a listen to the title track: 

 

     I think the music on this album is great.  Steve’s vocals are very appealing on his tracks and Deb shines just as equally on her own.  I won’t post more from the album but encourage you to go out and buy your own.  I also purchased an autographed CD from their online store but the autographed ones are sold out but you might be able to still purchase the vinyl record.  Check out their store:  http://theweepies.bigcartel.com/products 

     There was also another interesting release last month.  There was a new Sinatra CD and it created some buzz among Sinatra collectors.  The CD, Ultimate Sinatra, contains 25 tracks from across his career and numerous labels.  The single CD contains 24 previously released tracks and one previously unreleased alternate take of “Just In Time”.  If you bought the CD from Starbucks, the CD also had an extra track of “Chicago” which was also previously released.  There was also a two CD deluxe set in North America where the second CD contained some, but not all, tracks of a concert that Sinatra performed at the Sidney Stadium in Australia in 1961.  If you buy the same 2 CD deluxe set from an Australian retailer then the second CD contains the full concert.  There is also a four CD set that contains 100 tracks (including the 25 on the single disk) and a previously unreleased rundown of Sinatra singing “Surrey With The Fringe On Top” in 1979.  If you buy that same 4 CD set from the United Kingdom, you get the four CDs plus a code to download 4 previously unreleased alternate takes of Sinatra songs.  If that isn’t enough, there’s a mega set out of Japan that includes an extra disk of Sinatra singing duets with Japanese artists.  Of course the duets are digitally done since Sinatra has been dead since 1998.  The set also contains a DVD of how they did the digital duets.  I purchased the single CD, ordered the 2 CD Deluxe set from Australia, and ordered the 4 CD set with the digital downloads from the UK.  I’ve drawn the line with the Japan release.  I don’t need everything. 

     Well, I think I’ll close this blahg.  It’s been a very busy and very complicated life these past few months.  I’d rather have the simple life so I’m going to close this out and let Mel Tormé swing us out with “Give Me The Simple Life.”  This comes from the album, “An Evening with George Shearing & Mel Tormé”.  Enjoy!

 

     Has it really been two months since my last blahg?  I know I’ve been busy but where has the time gone?  Some days it seems like I don’t have a moment to myself and one of those moments could have been used to write a new blahg.  Today I have a few minutes before I have to go out and do some Valentine’s Day shopping.  I know it’s tomorrow but at least I’ll have that on time.  So here’s today’s quick blahg. 

     As you may or not know, depending on whether you read my previous blahgs, we were working towards getting my parents into their new home.  For newcomers, here’s the quick recap:  Big sheet of ice fell off the roof at my parents’ home last February (2014) and struck their oil line and sent 800 litres of oil into the ground.  The house was torn down, my parents were relocated, the soil was removed and re-mediated, and a new house was built on the old lot.  My parents took possession on December 18th.  We managed to get them moved in the same day and get the house set up over the next few days before all of their other possessions were delivered three days before Christmas.  Then came Christmas dinner with 21 of us in the new house for Christmas dinner.  My brother and his wife who live in Ohio and their three young boys came up and stayed over the holidays.  They handled Christmas dinner and it felt like I was on holidays for a while. 

     Jeanette and I had a good Christmas with our own children and my daughter Emily’s boyfriend Charlie even managed to visit for a few days.  The holidays seem to always come and go too quickly.  I didn’t finish that new Christmas story that I was working on.  I will get back to it but it might not be until next Christmas.  My outdoor Christmas display also took a beating this year.  My eight foot inflatable Santa blew the mount for his motor and no longer would inflate.  He has been replaced with a seven foot Christmas moose.  I won’t post any pictures right now but I’ll be sure to photograph my Christmas 2015 display and include the moose and the Snoopy that I got for Christmas.

     One last note on Christmas 2014.  My youngest daughter Abbie, aged 16, bought me a present for Christmas that shocked and astounded me.  I had for years told my children the story of one of the items from my teen years that I was never able to acquire but always wanted.  It was a Rom the Space Knight action figure put out by Parker Brothers in 1979.  It inspired a Marvel comic as well that I enjoyed reading.  It is a collector’s item now and runs between one hundred fifty and two hundred dollars if you can find one.  I know that Abbie spent way too much money on it but I guess it was her way to try and make up for the difficult times we had last fall.  I’ve been trying to be more patient with her and things have been better. 

     Now for “from better to worse”.  My father fell two weeks ago and fractured his hip.  He’s still in the hospital but in the rehabilitation wing.  The picture on the right was updated after this blahg was previously published.  He looks better and is doing better.  Once he’s up on his feet he should be doing better.  At least he hasn’t smoked in two weeks and hopefully he will be around to celebrate his 78th birthday on May 24th.  Keep your fingers crossed for him. 

     So why “My Good Life?”  Well, for starters, I had been thinking about calling this blahg “My Crappy Life” or “It’s The Hard Knock Life” with the latter being an homage to the song from “Annie”.  I’ve been thinking a lot lately that as bad as things are they could be worse.  Case in point.  Last week I was waiting for a phone call on my Dad’s stay in the hospital and had left my cell phone number in a message for someone at the hospital.  They happened to call me back when I was driving.  I pulled off to the side of the road, as a good driver should, to take the call and my car slid off the road into a ditch and lodged in deep snow.  It took an hour to get a tow truck and get out and that cost me $75.  Still, I was alright and there was no damage to the car.  I chose to see the positive in things. 

     Here’s another example.  My daughter wanted to see the 2004 Disney movie “Teacher’s Pet”.  She had been five when it came out and doesn’t have much recollection of seeing it in the theater.  I tried for two days and went to eight stores but could not find a new or used copy of the DVD.  I reluctantly ordered a copy from Amazon Canada.  Two days later the package arrived but it did not contain the DVD of “Teacher’s Pet”.  Inside was a Mini AV to HDMI switch box.  How on earth could anyone mistake a DVD for this thing?  I could understand if they sent me a DVD of the 1958 film “Teacher’s Pet” with Clark Gable & Doris Day by mistake.  By the way, I already own the DVD of the 1958 film.  I quickly chatted with Amazon and they sent me a prepaid label to send back the switch and the correct DVD was dispatched and arrived today.  You have to wonder and you have to laugh. 

     So things are not all that bad.  I have my health and the love of a wonderful wife and children.  My Dad’s coming along and my car is running fine.  I even have “Teacher’s Pet” to watch with Abbie.  So it’s a good life…it’s my good life. 

     I always try to add music to these posts and I toyed with the idea of ending this blahg with Tony Bennett’s version of “The Good Life” but I didn’t think it was really what I wanted as a tie-in.  By the way, I received the new Tony Bennett & Lady Gaga CD “Cheek To Cheek” and it is thoroughly enjoyable.  But as for the music today, I’m going to offer up a selection from an LP I found recently at a local thrift store.  It’s “Kings of Dixieland Volume Two”.  I wasn’t going to buy the record because the jacket was split all the way around but the record itself was actually red vinyl and I thought that was worth the $2.  Some invisible tape fixed up the jacket and the record actually played well.  The track I have chose to play from this LP is “Wait ‘Till The Shines Nellie”.  That old chestnut is full of optimism and really swings.

So that’s it.  Keep the faith.  Keep smiling.  Look for the silver lining.  You get the drift.

JE SUIS CHARLIE

      Okay, so I haven’t written a blahg since before Halloween.  I have been busy people.  You will notice however there is a new picture of me to the right that was taken by my friend Tom a couple of weeks ago at the nighttime Santa Claus Parade in Belleville, Ontario.  It was cold and Tom was annoying with his camera.  Not a bad picture though. 

     So now we move past Halloween and on to Christmas.  Today is the second day of December and I’ve been thinking a lot about old Christmas memories.  It really started with my daughter Abbie and I trying to come to an understanding about Christmas and her Birthday.  Her Birthday is December 16th and so she gets presents on her Birthday and nine days later on Christmas.  This year she told us she didn’t want us buying anything for her for her Birthday or Christmas.  She didn’t really have a good reason but when pressed I think she thought we were one step from the Poor House.  That’s her on the left, walking for her school in the Belleville Parade (another picture courtesy of Tom). 

     We had some fine arguments about her stance on the no presents situation but finally I boiled it down to the giving versus getting philosophy.  She’s the one that brought it up first and insisted it should be about the giving and not the getting.  I agreed with her and stressed that it was about the giving for me.  Every year I try to find something nice or rare that my children have mentioned over the year and that I’ve filed away in my brain.  It’s a nice thing I enjoy doing and I didn’t want Abbie taking that away from me by saying she didn’t want anything.  She understood my point and how important this was for me.  Not a great memory getting to that agreement but it did remind me of other memories of Christmas past. 

     I don’t recall what was my earliest memory of Christmas but I do recall a lot of snow filled winters.  One of my favorite Christmas memories was one year when I was about ten years old.  That Christmas, my older brothers Tim, Todd, and I all received new toboggans.  They might have been Krazy Karpets for all I remember.  You remember Krazy Karpets.  I thin sheet of plastic between you and the ground that went at breakneck speed with no brakes for trees other children.  Check out this video below for an original commercial from the 1970s for the Krazy Karpet: 

    

     That was a fun digression from the story.  Getting back to the memory, we received some form of sled for Christmas and late in the day, after Christmas dinner, we took our sleds to Vinegar Hill.  Now Vinegar Hill was a reputable toboggan hill in our neighbourhood. I don’t remember why it was called Vinegar Hill but some quick online research reveals that it is near where the Belleville Fruit and Vinegar Company operated in 19th Century.  The toboggan run was actually a series of backyards on a hill.  It was surrounded on four sides by houses but the hill part was long and there were no trees.  We tobogganed well into the evening and I remember the moon was out and it was snowing.  I don’t think I’d spent a better Christmas Night as a child.  Years later, the houses at the bottom of the hill erected a fence along their back property lines and cut the hill in half.  So much for Vinegar Hill. 

     Jump ahead a few years and I’m 13 or 14.  The Belleville Santa Claus Parade is looking for people to wear costumes and walk in the parade.  My brother Todd and I stand in line outside of the old police station for over an hour to get a costume to wear in the parade.  I don’t remember what Todd ended up with but when I finally go through the line, I was stuck with a giant Papier-mâché clown head.  My head bobbled loose inside and there was no red cape left to cover my winter coat.  The picture at left gives you the idea of what size these heads were like.  I have no actual pictures of that parade but it was exciting to walk the parade route and try to keep that head balanced on my head with one hand and wave with the other. 

     The following year, Todd and I were determined to get better costumes.  This time we had to stand out front of the Belleville Armory in a crowd of other kids until one of the organizers pointed you out in the crowd and allowed you in to pick a costume.  There seemed to be no organization and after not being chosen a few times, I located a loose brick from the Armory and removed it to stand on.  I stood a half head taller than most of the other boys.  It did the trick and Todd and I were the next ones chosen to enter the Armory.  When we got inside we noticed a line of other young people, the previous chosen ones, lined up along one of the Armory walls.  We didn’t know we were meant to join the end of the line so we just went to the head of the line and entered a roped off area where they kept the costumes.  Nobody questioned us. 

In the costume area we saw those Papier-mâché heads but we were determined to avoid those.  Luckily we immediately spotted Batman and Robin costumes.  Score!  I didn’t get to be Batman but I was just as happy with Robin.  These were the classic 60s style Batman and Robin costumes to boot!  We gave our names and address and walked away with the prize of our youth.  On the day of the parade, we were lined up behind some float next to a young woman in a Catwoman costume.  We jumped and tumbled along the parade route and were hugged and adored by all of the children.  Batman and Robin trumps a big head any day. 

     I don’t remember any more special memories from my teenage years but I’ll add a not so great memory from around that time I was ten years old.  My Mom and Dad would always wrap a few presents ahead of time and place them under the Christmas tree to tempt us to be good.  They didn’t always tell us which present belonged to a particular child of us six children.  I remember that year there was a very large and heavy rectangular present under the tree that we all hoped would belong to each of us in turn.  Before the Christmas holidays I got into a fight at school with some older boys.  I didn’t start the fight nor did I end it.  We were all playing king of the hill where you climb on top a big snow pile and try to stay on top and be crowned the King.  I remember I was knocked down by Terry Moon who was the bane of my brother Todd’s existence.  They hated each other and of course Terry Moon hated all of Todd’s siblings for no good reason other than being related.  I wasn’t stupid enough to try and go after Moon when he knocked me down but he jumped down off the pile and started to pummel me regardless.  Soon three of his buddies joined in and they lay down a good beating on me.  I was covered in snow and snot was coming out of my nose profusely.  I was crying quite a bit and no one came to my aid.  The beating only stopped when the school bell rang for the end of recess. 

     After the beating was over, a young friend of mine helped me up and I went to the washroom to clean up.  This friend must have told a teacher because I soon found myself whisked to the Principal’s office to tell what happened.  Between sobs, I told my story and gave up Moon and his cronies.  They were hauled down to the office where they all laid out a yarn about how I had attacked them and had fallen in the snow on my own.  They all said they hadn’t laid a hand on me.  Mr. Post, the idiot Principal, chose to believe them over me.  I had no witnesses of my own in that office.  To say I was shocked or indignant was to say the least.  I couldn’t believe that idiot Principal.  I let into him with a verbal tirade of swear words the like of which he had probably never heard before or since from a ten year old.  I was suspended immediately for one day.  That wouldn’t have been so bad but when I got home and told my mother about my berating of the Principal and of my suspension, she informed me the large present under the tree was mine and if I didn’t go back to school the next day and apologize to Mr. Post then it would be given to one of my siblings.  I should have called her bluff but a big present to a ten year was powerful stuff.  I returned to school the next day and made the apology.  I don’t recall much about the apology but I can tell you I was secretly insincere.  The big present turned out to be an aquarium.  The aquarium is long gone but in my fantasy Mr. Post was fired in disgrace and Terry Moon and his cronies all ended up in jail later in life or are dead.  Merry Christmas! 

     What’s next?  I have great memories of Christmas with my wife and children.  I don’t think I’ll write about those today.  Maybe another time.  Christmas memories always contain music in my recollection.  I’m a sucker for great Christmas music and I begin listening to it early on in November.  I remember one January, yes January, Bryan and I put together a radio show of all of the great Winter or Snow songs that cease to be played after Christmas.  Why is that?  Many of the songs like “Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow” “Winter Wonderland” and “Jingle Bells” don’t even mention Christmas.  This was why Bryan and I put together that radio special.  Here’s one of the songs that we included.  It’s Bing Crosby singing Hoagy Carmichael’s “The White World of Winter”: 

I think that’s it for today.  I’m going to get busy over the next few weeks leading up to Christmas as we are going to be finally moving my parents into their new home around December 18th.  I’m hoping to find some time to knock out another blahg before then and I’ll post pictures of my Christmas decorations and yard display and hopefully post a new short story I’m working on.  I’ll leave you with another beautiful Winter song sung this time by Frank Sinatra.  This one is his version of “Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow” from his Songs By Sinatra radio show of December 25th, 1946.  A world and age ago for this version but it’s beautiful and it’s a sentiment I’m looking forward to.  Let it snow.

 

 

     With Halloween coming on I thought I’d write a blahg about what scares me.  Recently I’ve been revisiting things that once frightened me or I avoided because I was afraid of these things when I was younger.  It’s silly what scared you then and what you’ve been so acclimatized to that it doesn’t bother you now.  I have to admit you might find some of these things funny and you may have a laugh at my expense.  Go ahead.  Pay as you exit.

      I’m not scared much by what is on television these days because the level of scariness and gore has increased steadily over the years that it all seems so commonplace.  All of the crime and medical shows give us so much blood, dissection, and disturbing behavior that it doesn’t bother me much now.  I’m not squeamish at all with the CSI shows or watching “Bones”.  I even watch “The Walking Dead” on a regular basis.  This past week an episode of “The Walking Dead” reminded me of something that scared me when I was younger and still scares me:  Cannibalism!  I don’t know what it is about Cannibalism but I’ve avoided watching movies or television shows that deal with this topic.  Maybe it’s because the subject matter has come a long way from the traditional missionary in a cooking pot.  Can’t think about it.  Can’t talk about it.  Moving on. 

     I should say here that I don’t watch modern horror movies.  I don’t condone them and I don’t want to see them.  I studied the original “Psycho” directed by Alfred Hitchcock when I took film studies in high-school.  I didn’t find it all that shocking but I’ll add I saw the three sequels and they were just laughable.  I will say that “Psycho IV:  The Beginning” was rather decent.  It starred Henry Thomas, the boy from E.T., as well as Tony Perkins.  It had a decent back-story and Perkins performed rather well in a role that I’m sure he would like to have ended with the original “Psycho.”  As an aside, Tony Perkins was not just a great actor, he was a good singer.  He put out a handful of albums, which I own.  I first discovered his singing ability when I came across the 45 rpm record of “First Romance” and “Moon-Light Swim”.  Give the latter title a listen: 

I bet you thought I couldn’t work in a song in this blahg unless it was “The Monster Mash!” 

     Getting back to scary movies, I don’t want the horror of these modern films.  I grew up watching the old classic horror films.  I remember late Friday nights on a Rochester, NY, television station they played many a classic horror film on “Frightening Flickers” hosted by Gregory The Grave Walker. 

I will insert quickly here that I was just interrupted by a phone call from my friend Tom who informed me of a shooting on Parliament Hill in Ottawa today.  I just turned on the television to learn there have been shootings in Parliament, around the monument of The Unknown Solider, and in a local mall there.  This follows a couple of days after a radicalized person in Quebec ran down two solders, killing one of them.  Terrorism in Canada has never frightened me before but these recent incidents are very scary indeed. 

     As I was saying, classic horror films never scared me.  I’ve seen the original Frankenstein, Dracula, Werewolf, and Invisible Man movies and they still hold up well if not at all scary these days.  The only older movie that I know scared me when I was younger was “The Ghost and Mr. Chicken” starring Don Knotts.  Today, I find this film very hilarious and not at all frightening.  Of course, that doesn’t stop my friend Tom from ribbing me about this.  I better not tell him I was also scared of that episode of “Gilligan’s Island” where Gilligan is struck by lightning and turns invisible.  Again, laugh and pay as you exit. 

     I will insert here a story about my eldest daughter Emily and her experience with a horror movie.  Back in 2004, when she was just 14, she was invited by her school friends to go see the horror movie “The Grudge”.  She had never seen any horror movies except the classic kind but the peer influence was a little too much for her and she thought she should go with her friends.  She came to her Mother and I and asked what she should do.  We said we wouldn’t stand in her way and that the decision was hers.  In the end, she went to see the movie, cowered in her seat, and watched the movie from behind her hands which were held before her face.  That night she was so scared, she asked to sleep in our room.  When I talked to her about the movie, I asked if she had really wanted us as parents to say no to her going to see it.  She said us saying no would have helped.  You live and learn. 

     Some other things that scare me are confined spaces and dark alleys.  I can manage confined spaces for a limited time but I just avoid dark alleys.  I remember what happened to Bruce Wayne’s parents when they cut through a dark alley in Gotham.  No thanks, I don’t need Batman’s dark psyche.  Old age and my eventual death doesn’t scare me but I do worry about my children and my wife and trying to keep them safe.  I guess that’s normal for all of us.  I also find Rap Music and Country Music scary but that’s for totally different reasons.  Give me Sinatra or Tony Perkins anytime. 

     I don’t want this blahg to end on anything scary or to dredge up any more bad memories.  I have some good memories of Halloween except that one, when as a kid, ends with me puking after eating too much candy.  Still, that’s not really a bad memory.  I remember the candy haul that Halloween was pretty awesome.  One of my other favorite memories of Halloween happened during my last year of University.  I was reminded of it recently when I struck up an email conversation with my friend Mike who we nick-named “The Gar”.  I hadn’t talked with Mike in over fifteen years so it has been nice getting back in touch with him.  In a previous blahg I published the poem “the death of a BIG one” which I later expanded into the short story “Once Upon A Snowman.”  That was a great Gar story about a giant snowman and how Gar took it down.  Maybe I’ll be reminded to post that story here when there’s cold in the air, snow on the ground, and we’re all scared that spring will never come.  But for now, I’ll close with “The Halloween Party” which is based on a true story that occurred on Halloween night in 1984.  Thirty years have passed since then but I still remember it well and still find it funny.

The Halloween Party

          This is the story of The Gar.  No, that’s not correct.  This is one of the stories of The Gar.

          Who is Gar?  I suppose that’s a fair question that deserves a fair answer.

          Who is Gar?  It’s hard to say.  The name “Gar” is short for something else.  You wouldn’t want to, of course, tell Gar it’s short for something else.  Gar, in his own estimation, would tell you he was short for nothing and that in the grand scheme of things he was probably larger than anything else.

          So Gar as a name is what it is.  We’ve made jokes about it but not many.  We have made puns that suggested the Gar family crest would be a Garbadge or a cow pasture would be the Garfield.  These of course were all spoken in Gar’s absence or when full inebriation would render them comical and forgettable in the cold day of sobriety that always followed.

          Gar as a person however was more than that.  He was less than average height but always seemed to be somewhere on a lofty pedestal above the rest of us or mounted on some mighty high horse.  He was loud when need be and louder when need not be but despite all of these qualities I would have to say his one shining attribute would have been his cheeks…his facial cheeks.  These physical endowments always seemed to glow a robust pink even in the absence of inclement weather or alcohol.  They were indeed a marvel and on more than one occasion swayed Gar to launch himself in a certain direction from which others with a normal complexion would have steered clear.  This is the story of one of those occasions.

          As I recall the first thrill of a new College school year wasn’t always the reuniting of old friends, the excitement of new courses, or the flavour of the first dinner at the dining hall.  No it was something more profound than all those.  It was the first big party.

          Now, September doesn’t really count as there’s constantly drinking with the chums of last year and the drinking to of new ones this year.  It usually takes about a month or so to really settle on the people with whom you’re going to frequent and then it’s just a waiting game.  You wait until there’s an excuse to have that grand fiesta.

          October comes and shortly into it you get Thanksgiving.  Some years you go home and others you don’t.  The dining hall’s closed and if you stay you’re bound to be having pasta with Shawn at a local pizzeria.  No matter how you look at it there’s no real cause for celebration until the end of October and Halloween.

          Ah, Halloween!  I wouldn’t want to admit when I first stopped dressing in costume and parading around the neighbourhood for goodies.  I’m sure I was well into my teens when the allure of candy wasn’t lost on me or the knowledge of the calories in candy hadn’t dawned on me.  A few belt sizes later I still haven’t lost the craving but use ingenuous excuses with my children like “I better taste that to see if it’s safe to eat.”

          Anyway, Halloween.  Now there’s a real excuse to act like an idiot.  Not that we needed any excuses back then but an occasional sane rationale usually helped us to keep out of trouble.  If you’re going to dress in an unusual fashion, other than your normal daily garb, then you take advantage of a situation like Halloween.  And Halloween is the first big party of the year.

          I don’t remember now who planned the party but memory serves me that it was somebody outside of our immediate circle.  This was just as well, we thought, as clean up and property damage are the responsibility of the planners and the residents of said property.

          Well, Gar and the rest of us had racked our brains for costume ideas for quite awhile and like anything else with a deadline we left it until October 31st.  This unfortunately leaves you scrambling to abandon the brilliant idea you had in order to settle to make do with the items you have.  That’s usually the rule of thumb for everyone; everyone that is except Gar.

          Gar had this crazy idea that Halloween paled in comparison to Christmas and that Christmas would come early that year.  And with this in mind, and some thought cast obviously toward his rosy cheeks, Gar proclaimed himself to be the one and only true Santa Claus.

          It is natural to assume that with the way department stores operate it would be relatively easy to procure a Santa suit on the last day of October.  Christmas stock usually floods the shelves shortly after Labor Day and still can be purchased, although at a much reduced discount, up until Valentine’s Day.  Some of the greatest gifts to a loved one on February 14th are those left unsold from December 25th.  So we believed finding St. Nicholas attire for Gar would be a relatively simple task.

          I would like to shorten this narrative by being able to say we found our Holy Grail at our first stop.  Such was not the case.  It would be almost as brief if I could say it was attained within our next ten attempts.  It was not.  Nowhere in our entire search could we track down a red suit with white cuffs, black belt, matching cap, and white beard.  We became so desperate in our quest that we would have gladly stripped a mannequin of said clothing or accosted the Santa Claus in the mall for his uniform if wasn’t for the fact that none abounded.  There just were no Santa Claus suits to be had.

          Now, at this point, any normal person would have given up hope.  We gave up hope.  We accepted that Santa would not be putting in an appearance at the big party.  So we settled on ending our search, buying our beer, and returning to the residence.

          It is odd but in remembering this I believe I have made a mistake in my recollection.  Gar had not given up hope.  I recall now I had but Gar had not.  He had kept thinking this problem through.  Perhaps this was the reason he stopped so quickly in mid-stride and dashed just as quickly across the street and into an Army Surplus store.

          I was bewildered! I was annoyed! I had been left to carry the beer!

          It’s always in retrospect that you realize the advantage of situations such as I was in.  It occurs to me now Gar had, in leaving me in charge of the brew, given up his part ownership in the beer.  I could have made a very strong case about the case.  I could have indulged myself there and then and have been done with it.  These brilliant ideas however did not occur to me at that time.  I only grumbled, shouldered my burden, and set out after the Gar.

          By the time I had recovered from Gar’s hasty departure and made my way across the busy thoroughfare I found my quarry exiting with a mid-size package under his arm.

          “Feast your eyes on this,” he said, thrusting his trophy towards me.

          “What is it?” I queried, thrusting the beer back in return.

          He didn’t answer and so I gazed at the contents.  It was, in short, a one piece, full length, red pair of men’s flannel long johns with buttons up the front and no escape hatch in the rear.  Our search had borne fruit…Fruit of the Loom as a matter of fact.  All that was needed was a beard.

          “And I’ve got enough left for dinner at the dining hall.”

          I wasn’t sure if I should have been totally happy for him at that point.  He had his costume.  He had his libation.  He had to eat at the dining hall.  Two out of three weren’t bad.

          I suppose I should eventually detail the experience of eating at the school dining-hall.  But not now.  Suffice to say it is akin to eating in any cafeteria with three exceptions.  One, it’s inexpensive.  Two, seconds and refills are optional.  And three, to which I still shudder on occasion, meals on special holidays are appropriately theme related.  Unfortunately this was Halloween and orange pumpkin meatloaf and black cat mashed potatoes were probably the fare of the evening.

          “What about the beard?” I asked.  I knew Gar needed to be reminded of this detail.

          “Have you anything I can use?”

          “No, not unless you’re keen on plucking the cotton swabs off an entire box of Q-tips.”  The thought of my suggestion conjured up an immediate image of this red clad cherub fumbling with small cotton strands and a glue stick to produce an authentic looking set of whiskers.  His exuberant use of profanity in that vision soon brought me out of my reverie.

          “That’s not a bad idea,” Gar proclaimed.

          “Yes it is!  I was only make a joke at your expense.”

          “No, the cotton.  But where do we get enough?  What we need is a big roll of it.”

          I waited for a lull in his conversation with himself before offering my obvious suggestion.  “A pharmacy?”

          Of course my recommendation was met with great acceptance.  I was immediately given that great finger response.  No, not that one.  Instead Gar snapped his fingers and pointed at me.  I had offered a viable option.  And we were off again.

          I imagine we must have been a sight as we bounded into the nearest drugstore with our case of beer and enthusiastic outlook.  I was just glad that no one knew the purpose of our spree.  I believe I might have been less embarrassed had I been there to buy condoms or women’s sanitary products.  In the end I was just happy that no one could see the contents of Gar’s previous purchase.

          We immediately located the rolls of cotton but in doing so developed another dilemma.

          “I haven’t got enough.  It’s the beard or no meal.”

          I thought the choice was obvious when weighed against the dinner menu.

          “Can I help you gentlemen?”

          Why is it when you’re trying to attract the least amount of attention you always succeed in attracting at least the attention of the proprietor?  I wanted nothing more than to be somewhere else at that moment.  Was there a cyanide aisle in the Pharmacy?

          “I need some cotton for a beard.”  The truth, Gar believed, was always the best recourse.  At least it sounded marginally credible compared to any other lies we might have fabricated.

          “How much approximately would you need?” queried the druggist.

          Assaying the contents of his wallet and the change in his pocket Gar cautiously replied.  “About twelve cents worth.”

          Well that’s that, I thought.  We knew where the exit was and I was sure we would be asked to quietly use it.

          “Just a moment,” the druggist replied and disappeared into a back room.  It wasn’t bad enough we were going to be asked to leave the premises but the druggist obviously felt it necessary to search out reinforcements to assist us in a speedy egress.  I’m sure this point was not lost on Gar either but he was determined to see this thing through and, as I was determined not to have to carry the beer alone, I stood pat as well.  We were a shoe-in to be the lead story on the six o’clock news.

          “Here you go.”

          It was the druggist.  In his absence I had been investigating routes of escape and had not taken notice of his reappearance.  I turned half expecting to find him flanked on either side by cashiers armed with pricing guns, or mortars and pestles, or hair spray at the very least.  Instead I faced cotton…enough for one Gar face.

          “How much?” was Gar’s obvious response.

          “Take it.  It’s yours.  You obviously need it more than we do.  We only use it for stuffing prescription bottles.  We have plenty.”  The druggist was sincere.  There was no humor intended in his offer.  Perhaps this sort of thing was commonplace on Halloween.  Perhaps the druggist sensed Gar’s predicament and sympathized due to a similar type experience in his own youth.  Perhaps it was a peace offering in exchange for our immediate departure.  Both Gar and I, acting on the belief it was the latter, gave our thanks and left with our prize.

          Gar had his costume and his beard.  It had been an ordeal but also a triumph.  All that remained between the party and us was dinner.

          I don’t wish to detail the dinner experience that followed as, other than having to eat food out of some necessity known as hunger, it was in all uneventful.  It was also on the whole inedible.  Our mealtime regrouping though did provide for an opportunity for conversation through which Gar and I could boast of our mighty feat.  Few of our comrades however believed the tale of our excursion while others refused to show the slightest bit of interest.  Gar and I nevertheless reveled in our accomplishment and then readied ourselves for the party where we no doubt would again regale others of our pilgrimage.

          The last bit of detail for Gar’s costume was supplied in the form of my pillowcase.  Gar knew it would be unthinkable for Santa Claus to arrive without his proverbial bag of toys and so he did this routine one better by outfitting himself with a sack of beer.  Santa Claus was generous indeed.

          Memory does not serve me well what outfits our other cohorts wore.  Gar was obvious and I recollect myself being clothed in some medical uniform in order to resemble a Doctor.  The details are not important.  It was a Halloween party and I’m sure there were the requisite amount of cowboys, cowgirls, greasers, Elvises, comic book heroes, aliens, and generally scary human beings.  Some of whom were actually wearing costumes.

          When we arrived at the party it was already in full swing with few only slightly inebriated.  I need to point out other than the beer in Gar’s sack there was alcohol available for purchase at a small cash bar set up in the corner of the party location.  This is important to note as the beer disappeared quite quickly as Santa Claus became more and more fueled with the Christmas spirit or, that is to say, the more the spirits fueled the Gar.

          I had taken notice that after the sack was emptied Gar occasionally frequented the bar and made overtures of reaching into his groin area and extracting his wallet.  I had forgotten there were no pockets in his costume and, save for his wallet, Gar’s belongings and street clothes were safely housed in my room.  This left only one convenient spot on his person where he could keep his billfold and have access to it by unfastening just a few buttons.

          A few years later it occurred to me something odd had taken place at that party which I had visually noted but had never completely absorbed.  It was this:  WHAT WAS GAR DOING BUYING BEER AT THE PARTY WHEN HE TOLD ME HE HAD ONLY ENOUGH MONEY LEFT FOR DINNER AND NOT COTTON!?  He had held out on me! He had put us in a humiliating situation with the pharmacist without there really having been a need to do so! He had been cheap!

          It is now too many years later to justly exact my revenge for this deed as I should have done so that night.  I’m sure the statute of limitations for the crime of embarrassment has long since run out.  Lucky for me, Gar did however suffer something of a retribution at my hands that evening although unintentionally.

          The party had waned on into the late hours with music and dancing and ribald tales that were only slightly seasoned with truth.  Gar and I were not the centers of attention although we did attract small crowds of onlookers and disbelievers as we retold our story of the day.  It had been, for the most part, a good first big party and when it broke up we were all generally pleased and more than filled with that certain inner glow which comes of friendly times and domestic beer.

          It was a good thing that my residence was just a simple one-minute walk away from the party location.  I knew in my mild state of stupor I could safely maneuver that short distance and somehow I could again find my room.  My bed was beckoning and it was a simple task to bid goodnight to friends and find my way to my waiting bunk.  I did not feel the people with whom I attended the party were my responsibility with the exception of the Gar who lived downtown.  It was a considerable hike at that hour of the night and I would have gladly offered him temporary shelter if it hadn’t been for a well-timed late bus at that very moment.

          I’ll say this about bus service in college towns.  They are generally overcrowded but also accommodating.  The commission always seems to be prepared for the worst and always seems to have late buses on special occasions.  This is of course a convenience for the students but an inconvenience for the driver…unless he’s being paid overtime or danger pay at the very least.

          I motioned to Gar he too could sleep in his own bed if he took advantage of this bus.  I knew from his trips to the bar and the hand gestures at his crotch he had his wallet and that meant he had his bus pass.  He acknowledged as much and made his way aboard the transport with a few well-phrased goodnights and a few well-emphasized obscenities.

          I stood watching the bus pull away and realized that as quick as that Santa was on his return trip to the North Pole.  I only hoped our next visit from Father Christmas was after an appropriate rest period.  Gar was easier to take in the daylight if your mind was clear and your brain dried out.

          I’m not clear exactly what transpired immediately after Gar’s departure but I do remember I did not return with haste to my own room, as I had wanted.  Several of us departed for another friend’s domicile within walking distance and there continued on with our celebration.

          It may seem anticlimactic that we were cavorting after the big party had ended.  It may seem that way but it wasn’t.  The climax was only then about to arrive because twenty minutes into our post festivities we were all surprised by someone’s sudden entrance through a screen window.  It was an unexpected return visit from Father Christmas.

          Gar was red.  That is to say his face was red.  The costume was still intact but the beard was gone.  In its place was the rosy cheek individual who had obviously run some marathon of which we were all unaware.

          Huffing and puffing he made short work of the screen and proceeded to make for one of the pigs in the house.

          “I’ll kill you as soon as I catch my breath.”

          I didn’t need to stop and think who his victim would be.  It was clear by his futile attempts to lock his hands about my neck I had done something to anger Santa Claus.

          “What did I do?” I asked, moving quickly out of reach of his flailing limbs.

          “My keys are in your room with my clothes! Do you know what it’s like to run up the main street in the middle of the night in long johns?  I was propositioned at least twice.  I might have stopped to consider the offers if I wasn’t so hell bent on getting back here and killing you!”

          At any other time I might have regarded Gar’s predicament as comical.  In an attempt however to stay clear of his wrath I was not allowed the opportunity to view the humor in all of this.  I knew at any moment I might be as red as he from my own blood if something weren’t done to subdue his rage.

          I thought quickly and with open arms extended a gesture that I hoped would be taken in friendship.  In other words I offered him a beer.  It was accepted and the promise of death was quelled…for the moment.

          I knew I was in a dangerous situation and in realizing as much followed up the beer with another enticing offer.

          “Look, you can sleep on my floor tonight and go home in the morning.”

          It was a very small courtesy I had to offer but Gar accepted.  There wasn’t much else beyond that.  We went back to my room and Gar slept on my floor with my pillow while I lay awake with my eyes on the Gar for most of the night.  I was in no mood to trust him implicitly not to kill me while I slept.

          “You know, I would have killed you while you slept,” he said the next morning, “if you hadn’t have let me use your pillow last night.”

          I suppose he would have done just that if it weren’t for the tiny gesture of offering up my pillow.  That and something else for which I’m sure he felt guilty.  In all the commotion of the party he had somehow lost my pillowcase that he had used as a sack.  To this day I still wonder what happened to that case.  It no doubt was lost for all time.  The pillow to which it belonged however became my edge against death at Gar’s hands.  I believe in some bizarre way the two things made Gar and I even…at least until the next time.

 

      No, I’m not suicidal and I’m not dying…only of old age and that certainly is by choice. I’m just become reflective because I haven’t written a blahg in three months and I’m wondering if it’s worth it.  Is there anyone out there reading these blahgs?  Would you notice if I stopped writing these blahgs?

   There has been so much going on since my last blahg that I simply haven’t had the desire to sit down and write about it all.  Most of it is not great.  We lost our beautiful cat, June, this summer.  She just disappeared and we think a wolf or coyote got her.  Same thing happened to my neighbor’s cat.  I know about the whole circle of life thing but it’s an experience I could do without.  I think about June every day.

     I am still without a job despite my plea in my last blahg.  I’ll be 52 one week from today and I find myself applying for minimum wage warehouse jobs.  Last week I received an email response to a job application that basically said “thanks for applying but we’re going with more suitable candidates.”  It’s pretty bad when minimum wage is looking good to me but I’m not looking good to minimum wage employers.  Where’s the justice in all of my work experience and the choices I have made in my varied career?  I should have started out as a ditch digger when I first got out of school.  I’d probably still be employed.  There are always ditches that need to be dug. 

     What else?  The ordeal to get a new house built for my parents continues.  I’ve had to deal with Insurance companies, banks, lawyers, and contractors.  At least the basement has been poured and the contractor is starting to build the frame.  I really don’t have anything to complain about when it comes to our contractor.  Geertsma Homes out of Belleville have been excellent and my parents really liked the model home they toured.  The picture on the left is of the model home.  I have flipped the photo to show the orientation with the garage on the left as this is how my parents want theirs built.  Now it’s just colour selections inside and out. 

     The rest of the summer was just busy with having my son Noah, and youngest daughter Abbie and my wife Jeanette home for the summer vacation.  It’s nice to have them around but you know what they say about too much of a good thing.  We even managed to have our eldest daughter Emily home for almost a week and her boyfriend Charlie for a few days too.  Hey Charlie, if you are reading this, I’m cool with you.

     So the summer came and went and now I’m in that reflective mood and looking to get busy with something.  Maybe this current blahg is a place holder for a better blahg.  Maybe there are better things on the horizon for me that I will enjoy writing about.  They can’t come quick enough. 

     I shouldn’t say that everything is bad news.  A glimmer of good things came in the news that Deb Talan of The Weepies has beaten her cancer.  She even posted that she’s working on new music.  That’s good.  That’s better than good…that’s great.  And The Weepies released a new song which appears on the soundtrack for Zach Braff’s new movie “Wish I Was Here.”  It’s a great song called “Mend.”  That’s where I’ll end this blahg. 

     All else will pass.  Just mend.