Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

THE FALSE DUCKS VIDEO BLAHG #3: HOW I’M SURVIVING MY ISOLATION

Friday, March 20th, 2020

Check out the third only False Ducks Video Blahg:

I’m in isolation this week. Last week I was on holidays and on March 8th and 9th I was in Toronto seeing a concert and visiting with my children. My boss felt it best to play it safe and have me isolate this week in case I was exposed to the Covid 19 virus while in Toronto. The above video talks about some movies and music I purchased and am enjoying this week.

I can’t post from any of the DVDs I bought and have watched but I thought I’d give you a sample of some the LPs I mentioned in the above video:

In The Tradition, Dave Van Ronk and The Red Onion Jazz BandFirst up is “Cake Walking Babies” from Dave Van Ronk and his “In The Tradition” LP:

 

Dave Van Ronk Sings The Blues Continuing on with Dave Van Ronk and his “Sings The Blues” LP is a track of “Hesitation Blues”

 

Next The Towering Hilltoppers LPup is The Hilltoppers and “At Sundown” from their LP “The Towering Hilltoppers”

 

 

Trini Lopez at PJ'SNext up is something live. It’s “Bye Bye Blackbird” from Trini Lopez at P.J.’s”

 

Benny Goodman - Happy SessionHere we have Benny Goodman with “Diga Diga Do” from his “Happy Session” LP.

 

The Acker Bilk OmnibusAcker Bilk is going to perform “Jump In The Line” from his LP “The Mr. Acker Bilk Omnibus”

Humphrey Lyttelton -- The Best of Humph 1949-56Here we go with “On Treasure Island” from Humphrey Lyttelton and his The Best Of Humph 1949-56 LP.

 

Kenny Ball - The Big OnesKenny Ball and his Jazzmen swing out “The Good Life” from their “The Big Ones” LP

 

And finally it’s the proverbial favourite “Sweet Adeline” from the LP “…to the tables down at Mory’s”… featuring Lee Gotch’s Ivy Barflies

   This Covid 19 thing is pretty scary and pretty serious so if you don’t have to go out, don’t. But take care of yourself and those you know. The world will soldier on.

HOW I MET MY WIFE…OR BEST LEAP DAY EVER!

Sunday, March 1st, 2020

     Well, it’s February 29, Leap Day, 2020 and I thought I’d do something a little different. A Leap Day only comes along every 4 years and for those people who celebrate their Birthday today, I say Happy Birthday.  It is not my wife’s Birthday but the story of how I met my wife is almost like being born on February 29th.  The stars have to align and if one thing’s off then you miss it all together.  That could have happened to me if things had gone differently.  Luckily for me, my Leap Day, the day I met my wife all fell into place.  

     First off, I’m two years older than my wife and the odds we’d end up in the same place to even meet up are astronomical.  But wait, we actually met before we met.  Sort of.  I’ll get to that in a minute.  First, I moved into residence at Peter Robinson College, at Trent University in Peterborough in September of 1982.  It wasn’t a great experience and I moved out of residence by the end of the month.  Voluntarily moved out or asked to leave.  Let’s not quibble.  For the next two years of University life I lived off campus. 

     When I left residence I moved in a with family headed by a friend of my Dad.  I think his name was Charlie.  I don’t remember much else but I was sleeping on a couch in their basement family room so it wasn’t ideal.  I then took a room in a house with a woman and her infant son.  Her husband was working up north so I never met him.  I do know that she make leak soup a lot and sometimes I ended up watching her son.  I think that lasted a month before I moved into an apartment on the other side of town.  It was a two bedroom apartment and I advertised for a roommate.  I can’t remember the name of the guy who moved in with me but it was a bad fit.  He was creepy and irresponsible and we had no chemistry.  Even Oscar and Felix had chemistry of a sort.  I think that it might have been another month then I kicked him out.  Then a nice guy named Tim moved in and we got along.  He had a good looking sister named Maggie but that went nowhere.  Tim and I weren’t really close however to being lasting friends and I never saw either of them again after that year. 

     I moved home to Belleville in the summer of 1983 after that first year was over.  This is significant because I got a summer job working nights at Farrar’s Texaco in Belleville.  The Texaco is long gone but at that time it was right across the road from Burger King.  Burger King is still there.  I used to start work at 11pm and worked until 7am.  Sometime between 11 and midnight this good looking blonde young woman used to ride her bike across the road from the Burger King and passed by the back of the Texaco.  I never talked to her but I’ll get back to her.

     My second year of University wasn’t all the memorable either.  I moved into a three bedroom apartment with two Asian students, Jack and Boo Huat.  Jack didn’t speak much English so we never talked.  Boo Huat had a different girl every night and by the end of the school year I think there were 3 other people living with Boo Huat in his room.  Jack had a friend name Carrie that came by occasionally and he had gone to school in Belleville so I didn’t mind him.  He, like Jack, was originally from Hong Kong.  One night I came home to find the living-room full of other Asian students.  Carrie was among them so when I asked what was going on, he replied that they were all there to watch “Love Boat” because the episode had been filmed in Hong Kong and they wanted to see home and possibly faces of people they knew.  That was probably the longest conversation I had with any of them.  I mostly kept to myself.  I ate every night with Jack and Boo Huat and they made amazing Asian cuisine with rice every night.  I lost twenty pounds.  I used to sneak out to the local Harvey’s for a hamburger.  I felt guilty but I needed some of my own type of cuisine.

     Okay, so now it was the summer of 1984.  I was back at Farrar’s Texaco but the blonde was gone.  That summer I thought seriously about what I was going to do for accommodation when I went back to Trent in the fall.  I had been lonely my first two years and had made no solid connections with anyone.  I didn’t want to live off-campus anymore but moving back into residence was also a scary thought.  I remember I had to apply to go back into residence and there was an interview with the Master of Peter Robinson.  I wasn’t a big fan of the guy but I passed the interview and was granted a spot in the Reade House residence.  Reade house had an East and West side with both upper and lower floors.  I believe I was on the East side lower.  I was the only third year student on my side. Most were first year students and a couple of second year students including our friend Glenda.

     I should point out that Glenda was my wife Jeanette’s friend at the time but I hadn’t met Jeanette yet.  Jeanette and Glenda had been on the other side of Reade House in their first year but Glenda had been assigned a room on our side.  I remember distinctly the first time I caught sight of Jeanette with Glenda.  It was only a back-side view as they were walking away from Reade House toward the dining hall in another building.  I’ll be honest, I wasn’t looking at Jeanette’s behind but rather the back of her shirt.  She was wearing a Burger King jersey that said “Belleville” on the back.  She was the blonde who used to ride her bike behind the Texaco.  I didn’t figure out that it was her until later on.  Her parents had moved an hour east from Belleville when Jeanette was in her last year of high-school.  She wanted to finish out her year at her Belleville school so she lived with Grandmother for the rest of the school year.  Conveniently, her grandmother lived two blocks away behind the Texaco!  After her first year of University she had moved back  in with her parents to the east and that’s why I never saw the blonde in my second year. 

     I’ll make the story short from here.  She and I hit up a friendship because we had both been from Belleville and because of the Texaco Burger KIng connection.  If you look at the picture above, it’s the interior of that Burger King as it looks out today on North Front Street.  The Scotia Bank (the big red structure with the white letter “S” on it) sits approximately where the Texaco used to sit.  My wife is still a big fan of the Burger King original chicken sandwich.  Me?  Not so much.  But I’m a big fan of my wife.  Jeanette used to come over to visit Glenda and would always stop in to talk to me.  Eventually Glenda had her own residence problems and moved out of Reade House.  At that point, Jeanette just kept coming over to visit with me.  Unfortunately she had a boyfriend at that time and I could make no in-roads with her…or so I thought. 

     I remember distinctly when I knew that things were swinging my way.  We both went our separate ways at Christmas time.  I remember being at home with brothers and playing cards on Christmas day.  I had been bragging a bit about this girl and maybe playing up the relationship more than it was at the time.  My brothers kept teasing me and saying if we were really a couple why hadn’t she called me yet on Christmas day.  I kept saying “she’ll call, she’ll call.”  Of course  I had no idea if she would call.  I was sure she wouldn’t but wanted my brothers to stop bugging me about it.  Eventually a call came in for me and my brother Chris said it was Jeanette.  I didn’t believe it.  I thought I had been set up by the brothers.  Not true.  It was Jeanette.  That was the moment I knew that maybe I had a shot with her. 

   After Christmas things moved slowly and awkwardly in January.  I knew I loved her but she made no signs that the feelings were mutual.  I started being surly towards her and then one day she got mad at me and walked away.  I eventually followed her and we talked it out.  She told me she loved me and wasn’t sure why I had been surly with her.  I confessed my love and that I was only acting that way because I wasn’t sure if she loved me.  It all worked out.  It was Leap Day!  Well not exactly because it was 1985 and not a Leap Year.  But the stars had all aligned. 

   By the end of that school year Jeanette and I began talking about marriage and had tentatively set a wedding date for May 23rd, two years later in 1987.  It seemed all kinds of foolish but we both knew we were right for each other.  She had never felt towards previous boyfriends what she felt towards me.  And I had never had a girlfriend because I hadn’t met the right girl.  Two years of off campus housing and no connections with anyone and then I move back into residence only to meet the girl from Burger King.  We eventually got married in 1987 but there we no venues available for May 23rd when we started planning.  There was a cancellation at the Royal Canadian Legion for May 30th so we made it work.  The picture above is of us dancing at the Legion. 

   So everything worked out and my Leap Day happened.  If I hadn’t dropped out of residence in my first year and then had two uncomfortable and lonely years off-campus for the rest of first year and second year and if Glenda hadn’t been her friend, and if Jeanette hadn’t been the girl from Burger King and if Glenda hadn’t dropped out or if Jeanette hadn’t made that Christmas day phone call then none of this would ever have happened.  Best day ever.  Except it wasn’t really a day.  It was a series of days leading up to that day she told me she loved me and more days leading up to the day I said “I Do.” 

Below are some great photos of Jeanette and I leading up to that “I Do” day:



   And here’s us now:

   I’m so glad my wife took this leap with me!

IT WILL BE OKAY!

Wednesday, January 1st, 2020

    Well, it’s the last day of December in 2019 and tomorrow starts a new year.  Scott Henderson still cool in 2019I can honestly say that I’ll be glad to see this year done.  It has not been a stellar year and I’m hoping 2020 will be much better.  Part of me believes that even numbered years are luckier.  My wife, my three children, and I were all born in even numbered years but that’s probably all a coincidence.  There’s no jinx but with the start of a New Year I’m hoping things will improve.  This blahg will look back on some things and look forward to some things.  2020 will be what I make it.  After all, isn’t foresight 2020?  Go with me on this one. 

     It was a year ago tomorrow that I took that polar dip into Lake Ontario.  Here’s the video recap:

I thought I was ready for 2019 but the coldness of Lake Ontario was only the first shock to my reality.  My Father would pass away less than three weeks later.  In February there would be a homicide at work, in April I began a long road with a mysterious illness.  I continued to suffer with my physical health and my mental health took a toll as well.  I experienced grief and depression and those plagued me throughout the year.  I even had a breakdown on Christmas Eve.  I was overwhelmed, I was sick, I was missing my Dad, and it all got to me.  My wife, Jeanette, just held me and got me through it all.  Christmas was good.  The kids were home and we had a good time.  Too short though. 

     I can’t say that 2019 was all bad.  My daughter Emily got married to Charlie: 

It was a wonderful wedding and certainly the highlight of 2019.  It kept me grounded for a long time. 

     I don’t really want to rehash the whole year.  I’ve written about my illness in other blahgs in 2019 and about my grief regarding the passing of my Father.  Let me just speak some other truths.  I’ve been suffering.  My mental health has had its challenges.  I’ve had real bouts of depression and I’m scared of what comes next with my physical health.  The bout I had before Christmas, prior to my prostate biopsy, was really bad when I had to go off my medication.  I did not realize how far the inflammation or whatever this is had progressed and that caused me to get the flu over the Christmas holidays.  This caused some depression.  I’m not sure what 2020 will bring.  I’m waiting for the results of the biopsy and I have to see the specialist in Kingston a week from today.  Look for future blahgs on my health updates.  

     2019 saw me want to run away.  I hated what was happening to me.  I hated doing my job and living my life.  I just wanted to run away to a secluded beach somewhere with someone who wasn’t involved in all of this.  I wanted someone who would listen to me and take care of me and keep me distracted.  It was a selfish dream and I don’t know if I would have taken it if it was offered to me.  They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.  I don’t know about that.  I don’t feel stronger.  I feel different. Polar Dip is no fantasy I’m not the same person who plunged into the water on January 1st, 2019.  I’m more afraid and desperate for answers and that beach fantasy.  The beach at North Beach on Lake Ontario in January is no fantasy, let me tell you. 

     I keep thinking that my life is a fake.  I remember when I went to University and I thought I shouldn’t be there because I wasn’t as good as everyone else.  I wanted to be a Teacher and that never panned out.  I managed to fool Trent University into letting me have a Bachelor of Arts Degree in English Literature but I never could crack the front door of Teacher’s College.  I did do some teaching while I was at Youthdale but even then I thought I was faking my way through it and they were going to catch up with it.  In fact, I’ve had so many jobs over the past thirty years that I think I keep on fooling every employer I have.  I just keep doing my best and dazzling them with my right hand while I’m doing slight of hand with my left.  I probably shouldn’t give away that trade secret. 

     Look at my other life goals.  I wanted to be a writer as well.  I keep on writing but I don’t think anyone’s reading my fiction or my other entertainments.  Dead From The Neck Up went nowhere but I keep a website dedicated to it like it’s going to get a resurgence.  In fact my falseducks.com website is dedicated to past things I’ve done nothing further with.  How sad is that?  I only keep it around as a testament to what I’m capable of and what interests me.  Probably no one checks out my website and nobody reads these blahgs.  Again, how sad is that?  And I wonder why my mental health has had its challenges?

     This past year I also took over posting “THIS DATE IN SINATRA HISTORY” for a Yahoo Group I belong to.  The previous moderator disappeared mysteriously and there had been no new posts for almost six months.  I revived it because I didn’t want to see it die.  So, each day I dig through past posts and corrections to post things related to Frank Sinatra for a particular day.  For example, here’s part of what I posted for December 31st 

Studio

none

Radio
1941 Hollywood Palladium New Year’s Eve show

Wednesday evening
Network: NBC
Tommy Dorsey & His Orch
1. I’m Getting Sentimental Over You
2. What Is This Thing Called Love Jo Stafford
3. Somebody Loves Me Connie Haines
4. Blues In The Night Frank Sinatra
5. Lana Turner speaks for the USO
6. Swing High
tape incomplete

Television

1970 Frank And Dean New Years Eve
Thursday evening
Network: NBC
Time 10:00 PM – 11:00 PM EST
Guests: Frank Sinatra, Ruth Buzzi, The Goldigger
Frank & Dean medley: Love Is Just Around The Corner/My Kind Of Girl/But Beautiful/ L.O.V.E./I Get A Kick Out Of You/Goody Goody/Guys And Dolls
Frank & Dean medley: What Is This Thing Called Love/Did You Ever See A Dream Walking/ I Can’t Give You Anything But Love
Dean & Ruth Buzzi sketch
Dean song parodies
Jimmy Durante is the mystery guest behind the door
Dean Young At Heart
Frank Something (Lennie Hayton arg.)
Frank, Dean, Ruth Buzzi,Kay Medford New Year’s Eve sketch
Frank, Dean, Ruth do impressions of famous stars
Frank, Dean & Golddiggers medley
Welcome To My World/Now Is The Hour/So Long, It’s Been
Good To Know You/Auld Lang Syne
Dean signs off

Concerts

1939 Shea Theatre, Buffalo, New York
Harry James with Frank Sinatra
Sinatra left James during this engagement
(On Screen:  “Balalaika” starring Nelson Eddy & Ilona Massey)

1940 Paramount Theatre, New York City (December 18 – Jan 14)
Tommy Dorsey Orchestra with Frank Sinatra

1941 Hollywood Palladium, California (12-30-41 thru 2-23-42)
Tommy Dorsey Orchestra with Frank Sinatra

I try to add images and updated information like this one for the 1941 Hollywood Palladium, California :

The process has kept me busy and I think others are enjoying the posts but sometimes I feel like I’m faking my way through this all, too.  I’m no expert.  I rely on the expertise of others and I’m a good researcher.  I sometimes can add to or dispel the myth of previous postings.  Sometimes I think anyone with a computer can do that. 

    So, what’s in store for 2020?  I don’t know.  Maybe it will be more of the same.  Maybe I’ll keep stumbling through the year and faking my way through things.  That’s a process that scares me.  I think sometimes I’m good at my job, which I don’t like to talk about, but then maybe I’m fooling myself as well.  I get up every day and I go to work because that’s what I know how to do.  It’s better than sitting at home and lamenting all the things I’ve never done and how I’m going to keep up the illusion of a happy person.  My contract is up for renewal in April.  I hope I’m still there. 

     I’ve been watching my son Noah and my daughter Abbie struggle this past year.  Abbie is still in school and I think she worries about her future and what she’s going to do with her life.  I think she’ll figure it out.  Fake it until you make it.  That’s worked for me.  Noah also is not sure about his future.  He started a Youtube channel last year and he’s now up to 10,000 subscribers.  All the while, he works at Starbucks and hates his job.  He’s got real potential and his most recent video has some good thoughts about what is in store for 2020 for him.  I find it really inspiring: 

     Again, where does that leave me?  I don’t know.  I’m 57 and if I haven’t figured it out now, I probably never will.  I’m still faking it until I’m making it.  If I have one skill, that’s it.  The key is to be in pain, struggle with your mental health, fake it, and figure it out as you go along.  I’m going to break down again.  I’m going to be afraid.  I’m going to want to run away.  Maybe this is the new trend for me.  Emily and Charlie seem happy but they’re still trying to figure things out like Noah, like Abbie, like me, like us all.  It’s okay to be sad or mad or in pain or want to run away.  It’s okay.  It will be okay.  That will be my mantra for 2020: 

IT WILL BE OKAY!

MEATS AND CHEESES AND BABY JESUS

Tuesday, December 24th, 2019

      Well, it’s the day before Christmas and I’m going to post this quick blahg. Santa ScottToday is December 24th and I’ve been sick for four days.  Last week I had to have a prostate biopsy, a nice theme for a Christmas narrative, and I had to go off my Prednisone for three days leading up to the procedure.  I was in rough shape and crippled up so badly that I my wife was assisting me in all the daily living activities.  I won’t detail those.  While I’ve been on the Prednisone I haven’t had a cold or the flu all year because that little steroid keeps everything at bay.  Three days off the medication and a virus going around work managed to work its way into my system.  I’m on the mend now and I hope Christmas day will see me close to my normal. 

     I decided to write another story for this Christmas season.  I won’t go into many of the details regarding the theme because the title of this blahg is the same as the Christmas Entertainment below.  This year’s story is all true with nothing made up but some embellishment allowed.  I hope that people enjoy it.  It was an experience just living it, let me tell you. 

 

MEATS AND CHEESES AND BABY JESUS

For the last few years I have endeavored to write a new annual Christmas story.  All of these have been fictional and I always struggle to try and find an original idea.  Sometimes a funny thought or phrase will pop into my head while I’m shaving or driving or avoiding listening to someone droning on at me.  I should be clear that the droning on does not refer to my wife or colleagues but then I’d never admit to it.

            I swear that the process of writing a story starts earlier each year but with the actual writing part getting later and later into the season.  The idea usually germinates for a while and then I write sporadically until a glance at the calendar emphasizes the need to double down on my efforts.  This year I promised myself it would be different.  Oh, I’m still writing this past the half-way mark of December but I’ve decided that this year’s effort will not be fictional.  It’s just too hard coming up with characters and situations when sometimes the truth is so much more entertaining.

So this is going to be a Christmas Entertainment.  I’ve used that term before when I once self-published a collection of stories in a volume titled “Proof For Believing”.  There were sections for short stories, poems, radio scrips, and the catch-all of Christmas Entertainments that were observations or recollections from past Christmases.  This year’s offering fits well into the category and I swear most if not all of this is true.  I hope it entertains the reader.  I know I was entertained in the experiencing of it all or at least inspired to write this entertainment.

As I have said, the process of inspiration usually starts early in the holiday season.  Sometimes inspiration strikes around the end of November when I’m playing Christmas music or during the first weekend of December when I’m struggling to put up my outdoor light display and wondering why something’s not lighting or something else isn’t inflating or I’m wracking my brain to remember where I put certain extension cords last year so I can access them this year.  I usually give up looking for the cords and purchase replacements only to find the mislaid ones right where my wife eventually tells me I left them.

Around the beginning of December we also acquire our Christmas tree.  I insist on a real tree every year but we’ve now gone through two Christmas Tree farms and we’re now onto a third…but I’m getting ahead of myself because the new farm is part of this narrative.

A number of years ago we used to cut our tree at Dewe’s Tree farm.  I don’t even know if that was the name of the farm.  It was just a large lot run by the Dewe family.  My oldest daughter Emily went to school with one of the Dewe girls or the only Dewe girl.  I don’t remember exactly.  What I do recall is that you drove down a dirt lane or mud lane or snow covered lane and past the Dewe home.  The lot was out back and once you parked your vehicle it required a lot of walking after that.  Oh, and there was no bathroom.  One year my son pooped his pants.  To be fair, he was three or four and had snow-pants on and had walked quite a bit.  We had to have the windows down on the ride home.

Mr. or Mrs. Dewe was always waiting by the make-shift parking area with a blazing fire and hot-chocolate for the kids and white-fish for sale.  I could never get my children to eat fish before that but I recall it being candied white-fish and that made the experience all the better.  Of course toasting marshmallows over the open fire was something the kids looked forward to as well.

The process of finding the right tree was always interesting.  When the children were little, every tree was a giant to them so they’d pick ones that, to the average adult, were not tall enough.  As they grew in height, the process seemed to take longer because they’d argue about not only the height of the tree and which one was the fullest but whether we were robbing some woodland creature of its home.  We always checked closely for nests or nut stashes before deciding if a particular tree merited further consideration.  We would of course walk about again before deciding on the tree we saw in the first few minutes of our trek.

The tree would be tied to the roof and hauled away home where it always had a prominent position in the home after the heavy moving of furniture was finished.  The cats always hunkered under the tree and drank the water from the stand and batted at the ornaments hanging on lower branches.  Until the Children grew in height, most of the ornaments hung by their hands were on lower branches.

I remember one particular Dewe farm Christmas tree that either came with an extra surprise or attracted one.  I recall coming downstairs one morning with my son and noticing one of our cats perched on the back of a recliner and staring intently into the boughs of our tree.  There, on one branch close to where it grew out of the trunk, was perched a small mouse.  It was a beautiful sight and the mouse was cute.  I however, was terrified.  I don’t do mice.  That’s another story.  My wife is the trap and live release expert in our home.  That morning I mustered up enough courage though to hasten along the visitor.  I turned on the Christmas tree lights and the mouse booked it down the tree and across the floor and under the couch with our cat fast on its trail.  The cat held it at bay under the sofa until my wife got up and caught it later in a margarine dish and released it outside.  I missed that experience.  When she got up, I went back to bed.

Eventually the Dewe family gave up running the tree lot.  That’s when we switched to Moore’s near Bloomfield.  The price also went from Dewe’s $15 to Moore’s $30.  There was also more walking involved.  There was still no bathroom but at least the children were older and could hold it longer.  Unfortunately I also got older and had to hold it longer.  Moore’s was not only more expensive and required more walking, the return trip home was now thirty minutes.  Usually I was the first one out of the vehicle and into the house.

Moore’s retired their tree farm last year.  I’ll come back to this year’s Christmas tree search in a bit.  I should add that I also have a tradition of disposing of the Christmas tree.  At the bottom of our property is a creek that runs fast and deep in the spring after the snow melts.  Our annual live Christmas tree, after its stint in the house, rests out behind our garage until I can get to the creek in the spring and chuck it in.  It’s swept up in the current and disappears.  I tried following a tree one year and got about half a kilometer before the creek took a bend through a farmer’s field and was carried out of sight.  In my imagination there is a Valhalla for our Christmas trees down where the creek ends or maybe it manages to make its way to the sea.  More likely there’s a dam of trees somewhere along the creek route overflowing and flooding the farmer’s fields or perhaps the basement of his farmhouse.

Getting back to the real point of this narrative and another particularly enjoyable tradition, for several years now my wife and youngest daughter and I have attended the live Nativity at Emmanuel Baptist Church in Bloomfield.  I’m not an overly religious person and I usually keep my beliefs to myself.  Let me be clear I have an open mind.  I hope that covers me.  If there are those pearly gates and I get there maybe they’ll rule out any of my transgressions while I was alive because I kept an open mind.  It would be interesting to get through those gates and see deceased relatives, friends, pets, those past Christmas trees and that one little mouse who scared me but who I let live.  That should count for something.

The Nativity story is a fascinating one and makes for a very interesting interpretation when enacted live.  Bloomfield however is not the first live Nativity that I have attended.  Once, in a large park, in New Market north of Toronto, I saw my first live Nativity.  In my recollection there was a hill and I recall seeing the three kings crest the hill with matching camels.  It might only have been one camel, which would make the going rough for the King sandwiched in the middle or the one in the back, but I’m going to remember the experience being complete with each King having his own mount.

The Emmanuel Baptist Church live Nativity is completely different than that one in New Market.  My first live experience was like watching a play and different characters entering and exiting the story.  In Bloomfield the Nativity is a series of vignettes.  Each part is set up as a station and you move from one to the next viewing the scene and hearing narration.  I can’t remember the order but I know the angel comes to Mary, there’s a scene where Joseph is also visited to explain why his virgin wife is bearing a child that is not his, and there’s even a scene between Mary and her cousin Elizabeth announcing the latter’s miraculous pregnancy and that Elizabeth’s child would grow up to be John the Baptist.  Of course there are the shepherds in the fields visited by an angel, the three Kings visiting Herod, and eventually the birth scene in the stable with an abundance of farm animals.  There has never been a camel in Bloomfield but they’ve always been able to muster up a donkey.  I think there might have been an alpaca one year because there are a couple farms around that specialize in that.  I used to drive by one of those farms and notice the odd donkey in with the alpacas.  Apparently wolves and coyotes won’t go near farm animals if there’s a donkey around.  Now that I think about it, the farm might have been a sheep farm and the alpacas were the protectors.  Maybe that’s why the alpaca was in Bloomfield.  It was there to protect the sheep at the Nativity.  Go figure.

The live Nativity at Emmanuel Baptist is spread throughout the parking lot of the Church.  You start at one end and eventually work your way to the manger.  It’s more about crowd control because you can start as soon as you arrive and you can’t move on to the next station until the one in front of you is finished and the spectators have moved on down the line.  Lights come up and the narration or acting continues until the lights dim cueing you to move to the next station.  Some years it’s bitter cold and I’ve been there in blizzard like conditions.  You wait your turn, the lights come up and the narration starts, you enjoy the experience, and you make your way down the road to Bethlehem.

As I’ve said, the live Nativity is a fascinating experience and if you are not frozen by the time you get to the manger scene then you are truly and wholly moved.  But wait, there’s a topper to all of this.  After the birth of Christ, you exit the stable and are invited into the church proper where every table is laden with goodies galore.  There’s always an abundance of cookies, tarts, squares, candies, chocolates as well as crackers, meats, pickles and cheeses.  Forget that birth scene, the sight of that smorgasbord is the true miracle!

Every year I try to recover from the bitter cold of the live Nativity by stuffing myself full of every sugary treat that I can manage to sample.  There are so many delicacies that it takes an hour just walking about to be able to get your fill.  Oh, there’s live music and hot beverages as well but that heavenly banquet was always the true climax of the evening.

Last year I began to have some slight health issues and my blood sugars were creeping up.  My Doctor recommended I watch my sugar intake and I decided to go one better and give up sugar.  That meant no sugar in my coffee and a life with a limited intake of sweets.  It was probably a good decision and it helped me to lose twenty pounds.  This all came about however just before last year’s live Nativity so when I entered the Church I had to make do with the non-sweet items.  My Nativity experience in Bloomfield could now be summed up in a few words:  Meats and Cheeses and Baby Jesus.  Thus, the title of this narrative.

Now we cut to the current season and the flier that announced the Emmanuel Baptist Church live Nativity for the evening of December 6th.  I marked it on the calendar and secretly counted the number of sleeps until the Nativity and the feast of snacks that would follow.  I think we received that flier well over a month before the event.  That was good, I thought, because I could make sure any other holiday plans would not interfere with the Bloomfield event.  Even another Christmas party that we attend yearly at our friends’ house was scheduled for the 7th after having had the date changed three times and then back again to the 7th.  It looked like nothing was going to interfere with our attending the live Nativity.

My luck ran out.  Even though that other event on the 7th would not conflict with Bloomfield, I could not control plans made by others.  This time it was a staff Christmas party.  An email had been sent out in mid-November polling everyone for best dates.  I of course steered clear of even suggesting the 6th.  I would have gladly have given up the party with our friends on the 7th but when you’re a lone voice and everyone else picks a date you are holding close to your chest, you can’t win.  The staff Christmas party was a go for the 6th.

To say that I was disappointed about not being able to attend the live Nativity is an understatement.  I tried not to grumble about it but some of my colleagues knew I was disappointed.  Some even thought I must be really religious if I had such dedication to the Nativity.  I thought about explaining my open mind policy regarding religion but in the end I just told everyone it was something more important than all of that.  It was about the meats and cheeses and baby Jesus.  It became my mantra when others became excited about how much they were looking forward to the staff party and becoming intoxicated.  I don’t drink.  So I’d just mutter “meats and cheeses and baby Jesus” under my breath and go about my business.

Two days before the staff party I broke my own vow against sugary confection.  I co-facilitate a men’s drop-in group at work and that particular day one of the attendees brought in some Portuguese Tarts to share with the group.  My colleague Alex extolled the virtues of the tart so much that I bowed to his peer pressure and ate one of the tarts.  It was a sugary custard tart delight.  The next day I was I sick.  Thank you, Alex.

I had been so good about avoiding all types of sweets that I think my body wasn’t ready for the rich sweetness of the tart.  It might also have been my body’s way of acting out its frustration that we weren’t going to get to sample all of those meats and cheeses.  The day after eating that tart I couldn’t be close enough to a bathroom.  There was a constant feeling that my bowels were ready to explode but all that would come out was sound or liquid.  I’m sure that’s not an image you expected to have in a story that also references the birth of Christ.

I still managed to go to work and keep up good spirits but inside my stomach was churning.  That evening I went out with a friend and I bought a platter of crackers, meats, and cheeses and a bottle of Schweppes Ginger Ale.  The platter was an assurance that I would at least be able to keep a part of my tradition by having the meats and cheeses on the night Jesus was being born in Bloomfield every five minutes.  The Schweppes was an added bonus because it was the only libation I would allow as an indulgence at this time of year.  The staff party was going to be held at my colleague Brittany’s house and she was a Canada Dry Ginger Ale fan and if I didn’t take the Schweppes then I’d have no say in what was offered to me.

The following morning, being the day of the staff party, was a Saturday and we had arranged to go cut down our Christmas tree for the year.  Our daughter Abbie was home but was taking a train back to Toronto that afternoon so she could attend a musical with her older sister Emily.  We would then drive to Toronto the following day to pick her up and bring her back home again for the rest of her holidays along with her necessities for the seasonal break and twenty pounds worth of laundry.  I really wanted Abbie to be included in the tree selection because she hadn’t missed a year of selecting a tree yet and with her older siblings in Toronto, it meant so much to me to have one of the children at least be involved.

I had done some research and with Dewe’s long closed and Moore’s finishing up the previous year, I still wanted to continue the tradition of going to a Christmas Tree farm and cutting down our own.  The closest farm, being 45 minutes away outside of Napanee, was Carol’s Christmas Tree Farm.  I thought the name of “Carol” and Christmas was a good connection and the fact that the last four digits of their telephone number spelled out “Xmas” synched the deal.  My stomach was still rolling from that Portuguese Tart but the thought of still being able to cut my own tree was a risk I was willing to take and outweighed the thought of the 45 minute drive and the inevitability that, like Dewe’s and Moores, there would be no bathroom.

There’s not much to mention about the experience at Carol’s.  There had been a good deal of snow over the days leading up to our excursion so walking among the trees was magical if not slow going.  The farm itself seemed to be more upscale than Dewe’s or Moore’s and lent itself more towards the pretentious side with wagon rides, overpriced hot beverages, and a gift boutique.  It was also more expensive.  This year’s tree cost me $50.  That was more than the combined total of a tree from Dewe’s and Moore’s.  At least I didn’t poop my pants.  There still wasn’t anything coming out of that end so the lack of bathroom facilities didn’t make much difference.

The only other major change with Carol’s Christmas Tree farm was that they had some sort of netting device that you rammed your tree through to end up with a tree that resembled those netted hams or those bags of onions.  The whole netting process made it easier to secure your tree to the roof of your vehicle.  That was usually what we would do and I had brought along a goodly amount of rope as I wanted to ensure that the tree survived the 45 minute drive home.  Instead, because the tree was compressed in its netting enclosure, we managed to load it into our SUV with only one seat folded down and Abbie riding comfortably next to the tree in the other seat.  It was a nice fragrant ride home.  The total opposite of that time that my son…well you know.

The rest of the day was busy securing the tree into its stand in the house and cleaning up the needles that inevitably shed in our vehicle and across our floors despite the netting.  We left the decorating for another day because we had to also make sure that Abbie got on her train.  We didn’t want to leave her out of doing up the tree and I could use a little rest before the staff party.  In other words, I had a nap.

The drive to Brittany’s house was an hour from my house.  Everyone else lived within thirty minutes of her house but I had to leave at 6 so I could be there for the 7pm start.  I was the first to arrive and got the tour of Brittany’s new house.  I also got the first view of the buffet that Brittany had laid out.  Indeed there were many sweet items as well as an assortment of meats and cheeses.  I needn’t have worried about missing out on the meats and cheeses.  I also didn’t have to bring the platter of crackers, meats, and cheeses that I had purchased.  In fact, I don’t believe the seal was even cracked open on the platter that night.  Oh well, I didn’t go without and I also had my Schweppes.

Within fifteen minutes everyone else arrived at the party and I sat next to my colleague Terry on the sofa until someone suggested a game of Euchre in the kitchen.  Terry and I were partners and I never moved out of the kitchen for the next two and half hours while Terry and I took on and took down four other pairs of opponents consisting of work colleagues or their spouses.  At one point Terry and I came back from a seven to nothing deficit to beat one opposing team.  At ten o’clock I begged out of another game because I had that hour ride home and had to get up and drive to Toronto the next morning.  Terry would go on to play that final game with another partner and would lose.  At least I would retire unbeaten.  Nothing says Christmas like the competitiveness of a card game.

The next day we drove to Toronto.  I was still feeling unwell and slept all the way up while my wife drove.  On the return trip I managed to drive half-way home before giving into my body again and sleeping the remaining way.  I also had another quick nap before my wife and I had to head out to the Christmas party at our friends.

The annual party at our friends, Rick and Debbie’s is always a joyous occasion with singing and eating.  Rick plays the piano and their friend Greg plays a portable drumming device while my wife and Debbie gather around the piano as vocal accompaniment.  The rest of us join in on the carols we know or fumble along on those we think we know.  The food is potluck so you never know what you’re going to get.  This year there were lots of crackers and cheeses but no meats.  I think my stomach was thankful for that.  Rick, at one point, offered me a glass of Ginger Ale.  It was Canada Dry.  I was holding onto the glass and talking with someone when Rick came back and asked me if there was anything wrong with the Ginger Ale.  I said I hadn’t tasted it yet but his concern wasn’t that I thought there was something wrong with my drink but that when he poured it out, from a still sealed bottle, it hadn’t fizzed.  It turned out the Ginger Ale was very flat.  My stomach was also thankful for that.  It further turned out that Rick couldn’t recall when he had purchased the six-pack of smaller bottles of the Canada Dry but a look at the label revealed they had expired four years previous.

I thought that the experience at Rick and Debbie’s was a good capper to my weekend.  Not only had I missed the Nativity but my stomach couldn’t tolerate the meats and cheeses that I could access at the two parties.  At one party I had to supply my own Ginger Ale and at the other, the Canada Dry had gone off.  I bet the Magi had never had such a rough journey on their road to Bethlehem.

Everything else came together in the days following that weekend.  The tree at our house was beautifully decorated and my stomach returned to normal.  There was another work party a week and half later without alcohol but with another heavily laden buffet.  My stomach tolerated that one better.

At this Christmas work party there was also an ugly stocking exchange.  Each year you brought an ugly Christmas stocking and stuffed it with goodies up to the assigned dollar limit.  You randomly drew a number then you got to select an ugly stocking as long as it wasn’t the one you brought.  This year I thought I would make the theme of my stocking Meats and Cheeses and Baby Jesus.  Unfortunately I couldn’t find a Nativity stocking but that’s just as well because I don’t think there’s such a thing as an ugly Nativity stocking what with it being such a beautiful story.  I found a stocking at a thrift store with a Santa scene that looked like it had been cheaply and quickly made with all of the threads hanging out on the inside.

I filled my stocking with a re-gifted bottle of wine, an assortment of pre-packaged baby cheeses, a word puzzle book, and a large salami.  Unfortunately, with all of the threads hanging out on the inside of the stocking, everything I tried to stuff into the stocking became snagged and it limited what I could cram in there.  I had other cheese and some crackers but these failed to make the cut.  I also couldn’t find a baby Jesus ornament in any of my travels to thrift stores and dollar stores.  That too, was just as well.  The stocking summed up my experience.  It was an incomplete experience where I had to give up Bloomfield and everything else paled or sickened me…literally.  The stocking could not hold all the meats and cheeses and there was no Baby Jesus.  Next year when I get that flyer from Emmanuel Baptist Church for the live Nativity I’m going to have it enlarged and copies given to everyone I know.  If they don’t get the message not to schedule events on that date then I’m going to call in sick.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

WHO I AM

Tuesday, December 3rd, 2019

   Well, there goes another month and here goes, hopefully, another blahg.Scott Henderson still thinks he's cool!  Recently, I popped in on my friend Bryan, with a colleague of mine, and he referred to me as Mr. Comedy.  Of course this was just after me making a joke about something but Bryan had to explain our comedy history and our once famous, in our own minds, radio show “Dead From The Neck Up”.  But, I’m getting ahead of myself.  The Mr. Comedy is part of the larger “who I am” and I hope to detail more of that in this blahg. 

   Back in 2000, the singer Jessica Andrews had a hit with a song called “Who I am”.  I have to admit that the song has been running through my head as I attempt to write this blahg.  The lyrics really give some kind of make-up to the singer and define who she is.  It may just be a song but the lyrics and her vocal are quite good.  Check out the official video below

   I started to wonder what the lyrics to my own “Who I Am” would be; other than Mr. Comedy.  If I go back far enough, it would start with being A Son (I know, some would say Son of A Gun or Son of A…fill in the blanks).  In the past year I’ve mentioned a great deal about the struggles I had after my Dad fell last June.  All that led up to his eventually dying in January of this year.  Of course I haven’t talked a lot about what I continue to do as a Son for my Mother who survived my Father.  The picture on the left is one of the last pictures taken of my parents.  It was on the occasion of my nephew Christopher’s wedding.  I guess I’m also an Uncle if anyone’s compiling a list. 

     Over the past few years I took care of making sure all of my parents’ finances were in order and that their bills were paid.  I still do that for my Mother.  Five years ago I helped them deal with their insurance company when they lost their old house to an oil spill.  I negotiated with the insurance company and the builders and the result is the new home that my Mother still lives in.  I joke, of course, that my inheritance is looking sweet!  But I don’t do that in front of my Mother because she doesn’t like that type of humor.  To her, I’m not Mr. Comedy.  I do all of this because she provided for me when I was growing up and I think it’s my duty.  That’s what you do when you’re a Son. 

     Just briefly, I’m also a brother.  I have four brothers and one sister.  Sometimes it seems like I’m an only child when it comes to doing things for my mother but Christmas is coming up and we usually gather at Mom’s.  That’s always something I look forward to.  I just can’t talk politics with my brothers. 

     I’m a husband.  Jeanette & Scott get marriedI guess that also makes me a son-in-law but more important is the husband part.  If you check out the picture on the right you will see Jeanette and I as we were married at the end of May in 1987.  Click on the picture to see a larger version and a smaller picture in the bottom corner of what our family looked like 11 or 12 years later.  Jeanette and I 32 years laterThe picture on the left is us 32 years later taken this past June 1st at our daughter Emily’s wedding. 

   Ok, so to comment about being a husband.  Am I a good husband?  I’ve tried to be.  I’ve never cheated on my wife although I think a few women over the years looked at me in that particular light.  It might just be my vivid imagination.  Jeanette and I have had our struggles but this past year saw us grow closer as I struggled with the death of my Father, a tragedy at work, and my mysterious illness.  I posted this video earlier this year of the Father of the Bride speech I gave at Emily’s wedding.  It’s moving and at one point it sums up the love I have for my wife.  It’s well worth putting up again: 

     I am a Father…and now a Father-In-Law.

Emily , Noah, and Abbie

The above pictures are of my three children on the left (left to right:  Abbie, Emily, and Noah).  The picture on the right is my son-in-law Charlie.  He’s a card.  My own children are so distinct but also distinctly like me.  Abbie enjoys movies and Tv and comics like I do.  Noah enjoys TV and movies as well as old camera and video technology.  I believe he got those interests from me.  I don’t know what Emily got from me but she’s got Charlie so maybe she inherited the gift to choose the right life partner.  She’s also a tech guru and I might have influenced that.  Charlie got Emily from me.  I gave her away this year at our wedding.  No returns, Charlie.

     I am a writer.  I guess when you get past the personal parts of son, husband, and father then you get to what’s left.  I always wanted to be a writer. I continue to write but for some reason it has been limited to Christmas stories over the past few years.  Once upon a time, 2007 to be precise, I self-published a collection of Christmas entertainments called “Proof For Believing.”  It contains a novella called “Proof For Believing” as well as many Christmas poems, short stories (both fiction and non-fiction), and some left-over Christmas sketches from my once brilliant radio career.  The cover design is based on a painting by my oldest daughter Emily.  Below, is one of the short stories from that collection.  Maybe I’ll draft a new Christmas story this year if the inspiration hits me right.

The Hole

          Ben struggled with the Christmas tree all the way to the curb.  It was Boxing Day and he couldn’t stand to look at it in the house a moment longer.

            “See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya,” Ben mused as he gave the tree one last heave and balanced it against a snow bank.

          Ben Miller didn’t mind Christmas but there was only so much a man could take.  He was still stuffed from the turkey and the pies from the day before, he’d wallowed all month in the sentiment from numerous Christmas movies, and he’d gotten exactly the gifts he had asked for from his wife and kids.

          Ben looked down the block.  No other house had a tree out at the curb.  All of his neighbours usually waited until New Year’s Day or after to rid their homes of their evergreens.  There wasn’t even anyone out on the street either.  They were probably still all inside and reveling in the Christmas spirit.  Ben didn’t get it.  Why hang on to it?  What was the purpose?  It was time for it all to come to an end and for the holidays to move on.

          Turning to look down at the other end of the block, Ben noticed the Hole in his front yard.  Immediately he fell back into the tree on the bank.  There shouldn’t be a Hole in his yard!

          Oh, it wasn’t that there was a Hole in the ground or a spot where the snow had melted to reveal a bald patch in the yard. Rather there was an upright Hole about Ben’s height just standing there in the middle of his lawn.  It was pitch black and nothing could be seen on either side of it when you attempted to look through it.

          Ben cursed at the scratches he’d received from falling against the tree.  Struggling out of its branches, Ben eyed the Hole and wondered what on earth it could be.

          “What on earth could it be?” Ben asked aloud.  He was more than a little shaken from his first sight of the Hole and from falling into a tree that no other house had leaning against their snow banks.

          It took a few minutes for Ben to compose himself as he studied the Hole and rubbed at the scratches on his arms and legs.  His robe had fallen open and he stood open in his boxer shorts to any and all.  But there were no onlookers.  There was just Ben and the Hole and that stupid tree.

          “Stupid tree!”  Ben wrapped up his robe and tried to think what he should do next.  He was sure the Hole hadn’t been there before.  He would have seen it as he struggled with the tree out to the curb.  Maybe it was a reflection, he thought.  Maybe it was the sun reflecting against the snow.

          “That’s stupid,” Ben muttered aloud.  “The sun wouldn’t reflect a black hole.  It’s probably…” Ben stopped himself.  “A Black Hole.  Like in space maybe.  I’ll bet that’s what it is.”

          Sure that’s what it was, Ben thought.  It had to be.  It was some kind of Black Hole like those scientists were always talking about.  Only this one was in his yard and not in space.

          Explaining it this way to himself made Ben more at ease.  Half the terror of a thing is not knowing what it is.  That made sense.  Well, it made about as much sense to Ben as there being a Black Hole in the middle of his yard.

          Feeling the tension easing, Ben decided to check out the Hole a little closer.  First he walked all around it.  He was right.  It was a Hole.  It was flat and he couldn’t see through it.  “Yep, it’s a Black Hole.  Funny, I thought it would has some force that would suck you in.”  Ben was enjoying this a little.  The thought occurred to him that besides there being no trees against snow banks in front of the other houses, his was the only house that had a Black Hole on the front lawn.  Ben swelled up with some pride.  He thought maybe he could sell tickets or something or that maybe those scientists who were always talking about Black Holes would probably pay big money to study this one.

          Ben walked up closer to the Hole and tried to peer into it to see if he could make out anything inside.  It was at this point that Ben felt a hand on his back and was pushed abruptly into the Hole.

          It was dark.  Ben stumbled forward from the force of being pushed into the Hole.  He couldn’t see a thing.

          Suddenly there was a blinding light and he shut his eyes against the glare.  Opening them slowly, Ben was startled to discover he was standing in his yard again about ten feet behind the spot from where he had stood only ten seconds earlier peering into the Hole.

          Ben might have continued pondering this revelation if it wasn’t for the other revelation that he was standing on his front lawn looking at himself peering into the Hole.

          Ben started to stumble backward and remembered his earlier backward stumble into the tree.  He caught himself quickly and stayed upright.

          It couldn’t be.  How could he be over there peering into the Hole and here staring at himself peering into the Hole?  What was that thing?  Was it even a Hole?  Maybe it was some kind of Time Portal.  Scientists were always talking about Time Portals as much as they were Black Holes.

          But why would a time portal only take him ten seconds into the past?  What could be the purpose of that?  What could you even do with those ten seconds again?  It wasn’t like it was time enough to change the world or something.  What could you do with ten seconds?

          Slowly it dawned on Ben.  He hadn’t just been given ten seconds.  He’d been given another chance.  It was all about the value of time.  Not about rushing through it or discarding it like it had no value or meaning.  It was a lesson.  He could look at things differently.  He could make other choices.  When looked at that way, ten seconds seemed liked time enough to do anything.  It was the perfect gift for someone who thought they’d already gotten everything they’d asked for.

          Ben knew what he had to do.  He had to live like every second had been given back to him to use correctly.  He wouldn’t mess it up.  To make it all work he only had to do one thing.

          Ben walked purposefully across the gap between himself and his other self who was peering into the Hole.  Ben put his hand out and pushed himself into the Hole.  Turning, Ben went to the curb to bring the tree back into the house.

The End

     Now what about that Mr. Comedy?  Well, that hearkens back to our radio show “Dead From The Neck Up”.  Even further back than that, my friend Steve Dafoe and I used to make these comedy recordings in my parents’ basement.  We thought we were funny and my friend Bryan remembered that when he was working/training at the college radio station at Loyalist College. It began meagerly as a fifteen minute slot on a sunday evening free-for-all music bash hosted by the weird beard himself, Bryan Dawkins. Bryan would later go on to fame as the high mucky muck producer, co-writer, and occasional voice talent on the highly acclaimed but rarely heard “Dead From The Neck Up.” After an initial test as “Two Guys In Short Pants”, Dafoe and I were pulled from the airwaves for making alleged pseudo-insulting remarks regarding the Mayor’s hair and a certain resemblance of one of the Council persons to the infamous Yosemite Sam! “Two Guys In Short Pants” were no more.

     After a bit of retooling and two weeks in the penalty box Dafoe and I returned in a weekly 30 minute slot as “Dead From The Neck Up.” Starting out with a set format which included comic sketches, phony commercials, a rotating commentary, and a comedic song, we soon realized our strength was in allowing the format to fall into disarray and in the realization that the commentary was crap and that neither Dafoe or I could carry a tune between us.  The show then founded itself as a clearinghouse of sorts for brilliant sketches featuring such odd characters as Two Dead Guys, Stan the Welcome Mat Man and his faithful sidekick Teddy the Topless Dancer, Goody Twoshoes–Actor, John Tirefire–The Man from the Ministry of the Environment, and Wally Wandaleer with things you just don’t see on radio.  You can read more about our show at http://www.falseducks.com/dead/.  You can listen to some of the sketches and you can check out a few videos of us in the studio.  Or you can just watch them here: 

     I am a music fan.  Why leave that to last?  It’s because I can play myself out with the music.  This has been a really tough year with losing my Dad and having a mysterious illness.  I’ll admit I’ve changed.  Here’s the segue from “Dead From The Neck Up” to music (not including the badly sung parody song from above).  This past weekend I watched a favorite movie that I like to watch during the Christmas season.    It is called “The Ultimate Gift” based on the book by Jim Stovall.  It’s about redemption and the change in character of the main protagonist.  Near the end of the movie is a wonderful song called “Something Changed” by Sara Groves.  I’ve become a big fan of her music and highly recommend her as an artist.  In fact, her song “Why It Matters” was the song I repeatedly played when dealing with my grief over the lost of my Dad.  If you want to listen to |”Why It Matters” hop over to my blahg Me And My Grief and read about my Grief and listen to the song.

     On “The Ultimate Gift” DVD is a special feature video of Sara singing “Something Changed”.  The video is below.  All I can add before the music begins is that I have changed.  I was what I was and now I am what I am.  What this new am is…I’m still trying to figure out.

 

 

 

 

POLYMYALGIA REDUX AND MORE POLLY TICS

Thursday, October 17th, 2019

      Okay, so it’s been more than three months since my last blahg.Scott Henderson still thinks he's cool!  It’s been a long haul. Most of my problems have been been health related and I think the struggles with my physical and mental health can speak volumes for themselves so I’m going to let them do the talking…I’ll just channel everything. 

      The last I spoke about my Polymyalgia Rheumatica (PMR) my Doctor and a specialist didn’t think it was PMR. I was up and down with the Prednisone medication and my Doctor had put me back up again so they could ween me off and then the specialist could see if it came back and if he could figure out what this ailment is. None of that worked.

     I’ve lost track of all dates and times but I do know the specialist didn’t get it right. I was taken off the Prednisone and all of the aches and problems came back and the specialist wasn’t sure why his plan hadn’t worked. What plan? In his odd estimation he thought I was fine and that I didn’t know I was fine because the Prednisone was masking me knowing I was fine and that once I was off the medication then I’d know I was fine. Follow the logic? Only, none of his logic worked! I was still in pain and had to go back on the Prednisone and he was going to refer me to another specialist in another city an hour away but not until November.  My faith in the medical system waned.

     I decided at that point to take things into my own hands. I researched the PMR and discovered that most medical sites said that people needed to be on a six month dose of Prednisone before things were close to being cured. So, I went back on the maximum dosage and continued that with the one refill I had left. That took me into September but then I couldn’t get another refill. My personal doctor was on holiday and the specialist didn’t agree that I should be on the Prednisone so I had to taper it off until it was gone. The last day I had of one pill, one quarter of the dosage I had been on, was September 24th. After that I began to take Naproxen, a pain medication which the specialist had prescribed as needed, and which didn’t work when he first prescribed it to me. Four days on the Naproxen and I was having numbness in my legs, arms, wrists, palms, and fingers, as well as a rash on part of my abdomen and back. A nurse colleague suggested I discontinue the Naproxen because it might be causing the rash and numbness.

     Three days after discontinuing the Naproxen the pain and numbness was so bad I had to use a cane to get around and to help me get up from a sitting position. On the fourth day, I was so weak I couldn’t get out of bed. That was a Friday and my wife was already helping me get dressed and get around. The next day, Saturday, my wife was out all day and I felt like I was trapped in the house because I was so weak and couldn’t open doors or much else. When my wife came home about 3pm we made the decision to go back to the Emergency Room at Picton Hospital. It had been five months since I started my journey by going to the hospital in Picton the first time and being diagnosed with Myositis. Two weeks after than I had to go back and I saw Dr. Sarah LeBlanc who diagnosed me with PMR and put me on Prednisone. Surprise, surprise, when I went back to the Emergency in Picton this time, Dr. LeBlanc was the Doctor I saw again. She was very shocked to find me in the state I was in. I could barely walk, had numbness in all extremities, had little or no strength in legs and hands, and oh yeah, there was that rash. After a quick look at the rash, Dr. LeBlanc diagnosed that as Shingles. SHINGLES? WTF? In this case the WTF stands for what you think as well as WHAT’S THE FUTURE? What did this mean for me going forward?

     Dr. LeBlanc was none too pleased to see the sorry the shape I was in and that my personal Doctor and the specialist I saw, who will remain nameless so I can protect his incompetence, had monkeyed with my medication increasing and decreasing like I was some yo-yo being shared among children. Essentially by not having a consistent dose of Prednisone over those five months my body had gone into shock and the Shingles were the result.

     Long story short, Dr. LeBlanc put me back on the full strength of the Prednisone as well as a prescription to deal with the Shingles. The combination of both of those made me very tired and my boss insisted I take the week off work last week. The tips of my fingers also began to shed skin as a result of the two medications and I had to take sandpaper to my fingers every morning to remove all the loose skin. True story. Then I had to moisturize and moisturize again. Dr. LeBlanc also reviewed the specialist referral to the other specialist an hour away and agreed that I should continue with that appointment but that she was going to try and get it moved up because this newest specialist is a colleague of hers. So far, I haven’t heard about a change in appointment dates.

     Dr. LeBlanc stil maintains I have PMR until someone says different and told me not to listen to any other Doctors except her until I see this other specialist next month. She also ordered blood-work and an MRI to see if the numbness might be caused by something else like a pinched nerve or some other issue in the neck or spine. Unfortunately the Prednisone ramps things up in your mind, more about that next, and I couldn’t do the MRI when they put me in that long tube like a coffin. I had to ask to be taken out. They rescheduled a new MRI for three days later and suggested a sedative. I called Dr. LeBlanc’s office and they prescribed the sedative and the second MRI was much easier with me much more relaxed. I haven’t had the results back on that yet.

     So, onto the issue of the side-effects of Prednisone. This is where I hearken back to a previous blahg, P.M.R. where I parodied the PMR initials and this time will say that PMR could stand for Prednisone Mind Rage. The one thing I found about Prednisone, as I described earlier, is that it ramps thing up in your mind. Another PMR would be Profoundly Magnifies Results. Prednisone is a steroid and I found that it magnified little things in my mind so that I couldn’t ignore them and I stressed out about them more than I should have. The major problem was going to work and thinking everyone around me was stupid and then going home and rationalizing that it was the medication making me feel that way then going back to work and realizing people were still stupid and that they had learned nothing since the day before.

    This all affected my interactions with co-workers because I knew that it was the medication causing these thoughts so I would turn away from people or leave the room so I didn’t snap at them about things that weren’t really happening. Of course I did that anyway because I didn’t have full control. I was able to keep it down at home. I was very quiet during those times unless I was discussing the stupidity of co-workers. Talk about mind-games. Give me 20 questions or hangman anytime. Probably not good examples because I probably couldn’t have made it past two questions without getting frustrated and the hangman image was probably what I wanted to do to those around me whom I thought were stupid…so just about everybody.

     Eventually I had to tell my colleagues about the Prednisone and the side-effects and that it wasn’t them, it was me. Except I was still struggling with thinking it really was them. I worked harder at communicating with others so they knew when I was struggling and I believe before I went off the Prednisone last time, after being on it full strength for a month, I was able to separate out the stinkin’ thinkin’. I think now that I’m back on full strength Prednisone again, I can manage. This blahg will be the worst of it and having to share the issues I’ve had. Of course I reserve the right to think my Doctor and the first specialist are stupid but I have no such thoughts that way towards Dr. LeBlanc. Time will tell. 

     So, I want to move onto the next topic.  The reference to More Polly Tics again is a hearkening back to a previous blahg “I Hates Polly Tics!”  A Parrot Saying It’s election time again here in Canada, this time a Federal Election, with only days until we go the polls on October 21st to determine which party gets to govern Canada for the next four years.  In that previous blahg, I described Politicians as so repetitive with their dribble and you get tired of hearing the same old promises over and over again.  It’s like listening to a parrot with a tic.  Now, I bet you get that Polly Tics reference this time or maybe you got it last time but it still holds. 

     We will not be voting conservativeDuring the time of past elections I have posted about the yellow sign I would put on my lawn not advertising who I would vote for but who I was not going to vote for.  I have made it abundantly clear that I don’t trust the Conservative Party of Canada.  This election is no exception other than the one exception that I won’t be voting for any of the parties.  I just don’t think any of them deserve my vote. 

     The Liberals are the party currently governing Canada but they’ve made some missteps in the past year or so and the leader Justin Trudeau, doesn’t inspire confidence like he once did.  The Conservatives and Andrew Scheer are not to be trusted and are hiding deep cuts for the future and are touting a playbook like the one Doug Ford sprung on us in Ontario and that was disastrous.  Scheer and the Conservatives are also racist and homophobic.  Elizabeth May is the leader of the Green Party and I had personal interaction about 15 years ago trying to book her as a speaker for an environmental conference.  She acted like a rock star and had a number of demands that we found unreasonable so I remember that I don’t have faith in her.  Jagmeet Singh is the leader of the New Democratic Party and he’s certainly exuding confidence and a surge in the polls.  Unfortunately I would like him to make a stance against Bill 21, Quebec’s Secularism Law which is a ban on religious symbolism in the public sector.  I believe a Federal government needs to get involved when a law such as that limits people and borders on racism.  As for Maxime Bernier and his People’s Party of Canada, an offshoot from the Conservatives, they too are racist and should not get a single seat in government. 

     So where does that leave me and who to give my vote to?  It’s obvious.  No one deserves my vote.  The only clear choice is to go the polling station, register, and then deny the ballot that is offered.  This gets registered as a vote of No Confidence all of the parties and candidates.  I’ve done it before but I didn’t think I’d have to do it this time.  But, there’s five days left for me to change my mind or one of the leaders to change my mind.  I don’t see that happening because they’re too busy mud-slinging and regurgitating the same clap-trap like that parrot stuck on repeat.  I hates polly tics and I hates these politics even more.  I do believe in the process but more people should realize that you don’t have to choose between bad or worse and the choice of denying the ballot is a real option.  I’ll make it mine.  In the end, I can crow about not electing in the party no matter who wins the elections…especially when it feels like no matter who wins, we all lose.  Maybe that’s the Prednisone making Politics More Repulsive but I don’t think so.

EMILY’S WEDDING. A HELL OF A TETHER.

Sunday, July 7th, 2019

     I started writing this blahg in June and now it’s the 7th day of July and you’re probably wondering what I’ve been up to or maybe you could care less. Well, either way, I’m going to provide an update. I don’t want to ramble on about the Polymyalgia Rheumatica. I still have the muscle pain but my Doctor and a specialist don’t think it’s PMR. I’ve been up and down with the medication and Doc has put me back up again so they can ween me off and then the specialist can see if it comes back and if he can figure out what this ailment is.

      I had one goal in mind while on the Prednisone medication other than pain relief. That goal was to be able to walk and to specifically be able to walk my daughter Emily down the aisle on June 1st. It was a tough road but I made it and you can see by the new picture that I accomplished my goal. It’s been a tough year losing my Father and then a tragedy at work. Then the universe decided to throw in this mysterious illness so I had to pin my sights on one thing and tether myself to it. Emily’s wedding was the tether. It was a beautiful day and the rain held off and the ceremony and reception were awesome.

      I’m not going to talk about anything else in this blahg. I’m going to share some photos and videos from that happy day. I know, it’s truly self-serving but the focus on the wedding kept me going and I’ll ride that for a while. Check out some of these beautiful photos and don’t forget to click on each image to see a bigger and clearer image in a new tab.

 

Mother and both daughters

Abbie and I

     This is a really nice photo of my three children together. Abbie, Emily, and Noah:

Emily , Noah, and Abbie

      I know it’s true nepotism but I had to share all of these photos. Here’s a nice one of Abbie and I that we took with my cell phone and played around with a black and white drawing filter to get what we wanted:

 

     There aren’t many photos of Noah but he was taking a lot of photos and he did some video with his cell phone.  Here are a couple of videos shot by Noah.  The first is the wedding party coming in.  The DJ asked us to ham it up.  The second is a nice video of Emily and I dancing to Frank Sinatra singing the song “Emily”. 

 

     I think I gave a good speech at the wedding that summed up my road to being able to get to the wedding.  I wish I had a copy of Charlie’s vows, which I reference in my speech, because he talks about an experience that challenged him and how he came back from it to discover Emily is the love of his life. I’m no Charlie but I think I hold my own in this speech:

 

     Noah also shot some nice Super 8mm silent film at the wedding and I’m posting that below: 

     I think that’s it today.  I’m a proud papa.  I’m proud of all three of my children and my new son-in-law.  I’m going to ride this wave of pride for a while.  I’m on holidays in a couple of weeks so I hope to post a new blahg.  Watch for it.

P.M.R.

Tuesday, May 21st, 2019

      I know.  It’s that title thing.  Scott Henderson still thinks he's cool!What does PMR even mean?  In my case you can almost be certain that it could stand for Personal Musings Rant.  In fact, the PMR actually stands for something in particular but could mean several things.  I thought I’d start off explaining how this came about and then have a little fun with it.  So, this is going to start off as a Private Misery Rant but will morph into a Pun Making Ramble.  Let’s get started. 

     Like other times when my blahgs have skipped a period of time, this one has a back story.  About two months ago I thought I had the flu because I felt achy all over and that became serious pain in all my muscles.  I took two days off of work and then the pain became so intense that my wife had to drive me to the hospital in the middle of the night.  The on-call Doctor would diagnose me with Myositis which she felt was a result of a recent bout of flu.  I was given a prescription of 600mg Ibuprofen and sent home.  For two days I felt better.  Then the pain came back again.  Both of my legs and my left shoulder were so painful that I had problems sleeping at night.  I couldn’t get my arm into a comfortable position and my legs pained so much that it was also like restless leg syndrome. 

     Ten days of the pain and not sleeping well and I was exhausted.  I had to sleep in a spare room in the house because I was keeping my wife awake.  I kept getting up in the morning to go to work but things did not get better.  Finally, two weeks ago, my wife took me back to the hospital and I was diagnosed with Polymyalgia Rheumatica; also known as PMR.  So what’s the difference between Polymyalgia Rheumatica and Myositis?  You tell me.  Here’s an online description for Myositis from http://www.webmd.com

Myositis refers to any condition causing inflammation in muscles. Weakness, swelling, and pain are the most common myositis symptoms. Myositis causes include infection, injury, autoimmune conditions, and drug side effects.

Now from that same webside is the information on Polymyalgia Rheumatica: 

Polymyalgia rheumatica is a rare, inflammatory condition that causes pain or stiffness in the large muscle groups, especially around the shoulders and hips. Other symptoms of the condition may include fatigue, a general feeling of illness, and weight loss. Despite the name, polymyalgia rheumatica is not related to rheumatoid arthritis. Some patients also have temporal arteritis, which causes inflammation that damages arteries. Corticosteroids are used in the treatment of both conditions, for which there is no known cause.

I think the difference here is that PMR has no known cause and the treatment is different.  I was given a prescription for Prednisone which is a form of steroid treatment.  It worked well within the first few days and significantly decreased the pain.  I could walk better and started to be able to sleep and could put my own socks on.  Unfortunately I have been on it for two weeks now and it takes longer to kick in and doesn’t last as long.  Mornings are the worst with leg, thigh, and hip pain that still makes it difficult to put on my own socks.  I’ll be going back to my Doctor this week for a follow-up.  I guess I’ll be hearing my Personal MD Recommendation.  I know, that one’s kind of a cheat but it fits. 

     Now to move off of this and on to some fun.   'Sorry, Bessy, cold hands.'The first time I started thinking about this blahg and parodying PMR, I had an idea for Please Milk Responsibly.  It conjured up images for me of a poor cow being milked by a farmer with cold hands.  The internet is such a great place for research because if you can imagine it, there’s probably a graphic out there for your imagination.  The cartoon on the left was exactly what I had in mind. 

     Of course I sometimes have too much time on my hands.  Another thought I had was to dispel the myth that Poetry Must Rhyme.  I have published some of my poems in previous blahgs over the years and in my last blahg, ME AND MY GRIEF, I posted a new poem called “when my father died”.  Writing is a way of release and certainly I’ve demonstrated that my poems don’t always rhyme.  I found a poem in one of my old journals that I wrote on April 12th, 1992.  It’s about my wife and was written after we’d been married for five years.  It doesn’t rhyme and the sentiment is still felt today:

I’m rememberin’ a girl who could raise hackles

I’m rememberin’ a girl
who could raise hackles

in humans?

and as I remember
she turns to me half asleep
and kisses my back

where I think my hackles must be

     So what’s next?  How about a Personal Music Request?  I might want to also include this in my next section which, spoiler, is Private Movie Recommendation.  Recently, I saw the movie “The Greatest Showman” starring Hugh Jackman.  I wasn’t sure what to think because I had heard mixed reviews.  Mixed Reviews?  Could we say, Possible Mixed Reviews.  I had to sneak that one in.  No PMR here for “The Greatest Showman”.  The Greatest Showman SoundtrackI loved it.  The story was good the music was phenomenal.  I had to go out the next day and buy the soundtrack.  One of my favourite songs from the movie is “Never Enough” which appears to be sung by Rebecca Ferguson, as the character Jenny Lind, but is in fact dubbed by Loren Allred.  Here’s an amazing video of Lauren Allred actually singing the song live: 

What an amazing performance.  Performance Majestically Recommended.  This is too easy. 

     I gave away this next section in the last part when I stated it would be a Private Movie Recommendation.  I was recently having a conversation with my friend Bryan on the occasion of his birthday.  We talked about movies that we would always stay up to watch when we were younger no matter when they aired.  The list I came up with aren’t popular movies but include ones that are of a guilty please.  Here’s my list: 

  • The Magic Sword 1962
  • Killdozer 1974
  • I Love A Mystery 1967/1973
  • Hello Down There 1969

These films always kept my interest and over the years, I’ve tried to find and re-watch them.  Everything but “I Love A Mystery” has had a DVD release but there’s a rumor (Possible Media Rumor) that it too has had a release.  Hello Down ThereThe Magic SwordKilldozerCheck out these images of the DVD releases.  The possible release of “I Love A Mystery” (filmed in 1967 and not aired until 1973) is as a bonus movie on the I Love A Mystery Collection“I Love A Mystery The Film Collection.”  If anyone can confirm that, let me know. 

     I’m not sure where to go next as the PMR spin could go one for a long time if I set my mind to it.  Possibly More Rhetoric could be derived.  Passable Musings Require more thought.  However, People Might Rebel if this continues.  Maybe I should just quit while I’m ahead.  Pen My Resignation.  At least my PMR pain has subsided for now.  But the pain of some of these Puns Might Remain.  Of course there’s no cure for that.

 

 

 

 

 

ME AND MY GRIEF

Sunday, March 17th, 2019

     I know as an English major that the title of this blahg is not grammatically correct.Scott Henderson I’m going to ignore that rule because in this scenario I want to come before my grief. I have to have top billing. It’s selfish I know but I’ve had a hell of a couple of months and I need things to be this way.  This blahg is about my grief.  It’s dirty and sad and all the things I don’t want to put into a blahg but it’s part of my healing process. 

     I’m going to post a new poem below about my grief.  It’s what I want to say and I’ve drafted it to the point where it summarizes, at least for me, everything that I’ve been through.  The poem is words expressed the way I want them to be.  They’re clipped and short and concise but this blahg will flesh them out for those of you who don’t understand or don’t enjoy my poetry.

     Before I start though, I want to point back to a couple of blahgs.  Obviously this is about the loss of my Father which you can read about in “The Passing Of George Henderson” but some of this also links back to a blahg from three years ago “The Balancing Act“.  It would probably be very helpful to all of you if you read both of those posts because they add a great deal of context and bring things full circle to this blahg. 

     My Father, George Arthur Henderson, passed away on January 19th, 2019.  I had to make the tough decision to let him go because there was no quality of life and dad wouldn’t have wanted that.  It was a sad few days and we all got through it but there were things to be done and I powered through them and went back to work.  Work was always a place I could go to for the “white noise” of everyone and everything else that I could focus on while I healed.  For a time that worked.  I got things done at work and at home but all the little things about handling the estate, banking, life insurance, wills, government forms, some of which I’m still working on, began to take a toll on me. 

     In mid-February we had a tragedy at work where one of the clients I worked closely with killed another of my clients.  It was devastating and it sent the world of our work reeling and we could focus on nothing else.  A grief counsellor, Yvette, was brought in to meet with our team but I only saw her for five minutes before the call of business as usual pulled me away.  I had only started to tell her about losing my Father in January and I was a little weepy.  That morning I had to take another client to the hospital for some tests and it was the first time I had been to the hospital since my dad died.  It naturally brought up some sad lingering feelings about his passing. 

     What happened next was something for which I was not prepared.  Grief fell over me and for the next few weeks I found myself drowning in sorrow.  In my job I do some counselling and sometimes I relate a story to some of my clients who are struggling.  I talk about an episode of the early 1990s show “Get A Life” with comic Chris Elliott.  The episode is appropriately titled “Pile of Death”.  The description for the episode is “To save his childhood park, Chris raises money by trying to break the world record for having things piled on you.”  Chris lies on the ground in the park and people come along and pile things on top of him.  At some point the representative from the Guinness Book of World Records comes along and tells ChrisA Pile of things. there’s no record for the most things piled on top of yourself.  Chris points out a particular picture in the book but the representative tells him that’s an after photo of when the pile for the most things stacked up fell on top of the person trying to stack them.  So I tell my clients there’s no prize for piling things on top of yourself.  The prize is for stacking them up to the side and then dealing with them so they don’t fall on top of you. 

     I thought I was dealing with my pile.  I kept working and tackling those things I had to deal with as a result of dad’s death.  At some point that pile became unmanageable and it came crashing down on me and trapped me underneath.  That’s when the grief kicked into overdrive and I felt sad and angry all of the time and crying because I didn’t know what else to do.  With everyone at work trying to make sense of the homicide and how it affected each of us, I found that was something near the top of the pile that I couldn’t process because I still was dealing with dad’s death. 

     I began to play the same song over and over in my vehicle like a death dirge because I didn’t want to be happy.  I wanted to continue to pile everything on top of me even though I knew there was no prize.  The song I played was “Why It Matters” by Sara Groves: 

 

I don’t know what Sara Groves meant by the lyrics but in my grief I needed to know why anything mattered.  I didn’t have time for anyone else’s pain and sorrow at work and when I came home I didn’t want to talk to my daughter or my wife about any of this.  My grief was mine alone and I wasn’t just trapped in it, I gave into it willingly and let it swallow me. 

     It would be about ten days before I could get a chance to sit down with Yvette again.  I had reached out to her myself because I knew I needed something.  Her schedule didn’t allow her a chance to meet with me until then so I kept on going.  Things kept being added to the pile that was on top of me and I couldn’t tell people to stop because I’d always been a source of strength to others and they needed to give me their stuff.  So I accepted all of their stuff but kept telling people I didn’t want to talk about anything because I would just be spewing until I got a chance to talk to Yvette.  Little bits came out and people reacted but I kept asking them not to react because I was still processing everything.  It was a tough time. 

     The weekend before I met again with Yvette, I had a bit of a breakdown and told my wife that I needed to spew and for her to just listen to me.  She had been sick that week and so physical intimacy wasn’t there.  I cried and told her about all the grief and the pain and how I was feeling and she just listened and rubbed my back.  It was better for a few days but then I had to go back to work and that chaos came flying at me all over again.  Eventually I sat down with Yvette and for two hours I gave her all of the back story of my dad and my sorrow and my grief.  There had been no memorial services for dad so part of talking with Yvette was sharing with her everything I felt about my dad and how his death was threatening to swallow me up.  I can tell you there’s nothing like someone not connected to your life, listening and hearing what you need to get out. 

     I felt better after I talked to Yvette.  Part of her challenge to me was to find a way to express everything I was feeling.  I told her about my blahgs and she said it sounded like writing was a release for me and that maybe I could find a way to release everything else through my writing.  I thought about that and I thought a blahg might help but words began to swirl in my brain and I knew they were words trying to come out as a poem.  I was at work for two more days and things felt a little better.  I was then given a week off to deal with things and I gladly took that time, being Spring Break and my wife being off for that week, to connect with my wife and make that part of my life better.  We did.  I also allowed the poem to develop and this is how it came out: 

 

when my father died

when my father died
sorrow eluded me

the anger at an unexpected
yet accepted passing
two day decline
to death
shadowed
by the chaos
of this life
and to do
forcing the stack
higher
pushed to the side
hoping for each thing
to be swallowed
as natural compost

when my father died
there were no services
no prolonged goodbye
no chance at words
an anagram perhaps
of a life summed up
rearranged to a sign post
that way onward for him
or this way for the living

when my father died
I carried on
tackled some things
tossed others to the tower
tried facing forwards
sometimes a sideways glance
to the pile
checking that it was still there
all the things that still bound me
to my father

weeks passed
after he passed
and the pile shifted
fell
trapping me beneath
grief appearing
finally
again unexpected
yet accepted
all consuming
a sad song
purposefully on repeat
all things
that were just things
collapsing over me

grief and I became close
buried together
hating and fighting
biting and scratching
hating mostly
everything and everyone
selfishness and pain
my true friends
nothing else

then someone sat with me
learned of
his death
my struggles
heard the spewing
took it all in
listened
to the stories
and all the grief
given out
in gasping breaths
until it had been shared
and the rubble was just
rubble
flotsam
easier to pick through
sort into importance
or not

when my father died
I had no time
no
made no time
to break
to grieve
to fashion truths
into a grave marker
or a trail marker

when my father died
I accepted
what needed to be done
the list
at once unmountable
but somehow
manageable
until that last thing done
releases him from me
and all I have
is memories
and my grief
that guides me
from here to there
this place to that place
where he has gone
and sends his beacon

 

     It took a few days of editing to get it just right.  I lived with it for a few more then I went to see Yvette again.  She had asked me to see her again before I went back to work after my week off and was to bring my wife.  I assured my wife it wasn’t couple counselling.  It wasn’t.  It was about my grief and how I was getting through it and how my wife was on that journey with me.  At the end of the session I pulled out the above poem.  But before I read it, I read another poem “the balancing act”, which you can read in my previous blahg “The Balancing Act“.  See, everything links back. 

     In that blahg I talked about attending a workshop in 2016 on Grief and Loss.  Yvette had been the main speaker at that event.  I found that I wasn’t really connected to the topic because I hadn’t had anyone close die on me in about forty years.  Most had been relatives who had aged out or pets that were part of my family but allowed me to open our heart and home for our new pets.  The last real death was a friend who died tragically in high-school.  I moved past that a long time ago and have had nothing to draw on since.  So I didn’t take to the grief and loss section but when I heard about “the tree of life” section I was inspired.  I told that to Yvette and then read “the balancing act” and “when my father died”.  Both Yvette and Jeanette had tears in their eyes.  At last all the spewing and sharing had been summed up and set free.  Grief was still with me but more like a companion than part of that great big pile. 

     I know there will be deaths again in my life and now I’ll have something to draw on when grief looms large again.  I’m still pecking away at all of those tasks still to be done but I’ve realized why there was so much anger attached to those tasks.  One day, I think next year when I file dad’s last tax return, the final task will be done and all those tasks that bound me to him will be done and it will just be memories of my dad.  That’s what the poem says best. 

     In my first blahg of this year, Welcome 2019…I’m Ready For You!, I said I was ready for 2019.  That dip in the frigid lake seems so long ago but it really didn’t prepare me for what was to come.  Maybe I’m not ready for the rest of 2019 but having made it through the first three months and an all consuming grief, I’m readier.  Is that even a word?  When I told my dad that we were going to release him and he would die in a few days, he indicated he was ready.  He’s gone on his final journey but I’ve still got more journeys to come.  And I’ll draw from the lyrics of one of Paul Quarrington’s last songs, “Are You Ready?”  One of the last lines of that song is “Am I ready?  I believe I am.” 

     Am I ready?  Hell no, probably not if I think about it.  But sometimes it’s not about thinking about it too much.  It’s a leap a faith.  Some kind of belief that with new experiences I’m readier than I’ll ever be.  Am I ready?  I believe I am.

THE PASSING OF GEORGE ARTHUR HENDERSON

Monday, February 4th, 2019

      I’ve written many sad blahgs but this is one that I am not looking forward to writing. George Arthur HendersonMy father, George Arthur Henderson passed away January 19th, 2019. He was 81. Dad was born on May 24th, 1937. He would have been 82 this year.  I had previously written about the health issues my Father suffered after falling and breaking his hip June 1st, 2018.  You can read about that in my blahg “WHAT HAPPENED TO MR HENDERSON?”

     To finish the story started in that blahg, things did not get much better.  My Father was in and out of the hospital several times.  He returned home in mid-October with nursing and psw support but his health didn’t improve.  Equipment malfunctioned and he still had to have a feeding tube, a catheter, and was bed-ridden.  I’m sure he enjoyed the times he was home but internally, things were not good.  He returned to the hospital before Christmas and didn’t come home again until just before the New Year. 

     My Father had become very anemic and required blood transfusions on at least two occasions.  He had ulcers on his rear end that widened and never healed.  The week before he died I became very concerned that home wasn’t the right place for him and that it was also taking a toll on my Mother’s health.  My Mother and I had fought about him going back to the hospital and possibly going into long-term care.  It was not a pleasant time but finally she agreed and my Father went back to the hospital on January 17th with the intention that he would hopefully improve enough in the hospital with the eventuality of going into long-term care. 

     Around lunch time on the 17th I was called by the hospital and was asked to come and meet with the Doctor as she had some concerns about the care my Father was receiving.  I was prepared for an argument because we had provided good care for my Father but I clearly blamed Belleville General Hospital for what had happened to my Father from June of 2018 to January of 2019.  I was not prepared to hear what the Doctor really wanted to tell me. 

     When I met with the Doctor she showed my the large ulcers on my Father’s rear end and went over the list of health issues.  Then she asked me what was I keeping him alive for because there was no quality of life for him.  She even said if it were her own Father like this that she would let him go.  I was devastated.  I needed to take a moment to process this but she immediately asked who was the Power of Attorney for my Father.  I said it was me.  She said then I had to make the tough decision.  I didn’t hesitate.  I couldn’t allow my Father to continue to suffer.  I agreed to the recommedation to stop his feeds and all medications except something for pain.  She left the room after telling me that Dad would probably only last a few more days.  She said she was going to get another Doctor to come and talk to me. 

     After the Doctor left the room, I went over and talked to my Dad.  I asked him if he had heard what we discussed and he said yes.  I then said that if we continue on this course that he would die in a few days.  I asked him if he was ready for that.  He said yes.  Throughout all that time since his fall he never once talked about giving up.  I had asked him the hard question a few times and he always said he wanted to live.  This time he knew it was time to move on.  I bawled my eyes out. 

     Soon after, Doctor Webster came in to see me.  She had treated Dad four years earlier when he had broken his other hip but with better results.  I liked Doctor Webster.  She was very gentle and kind and she agreed with everything the other Doctor had told me.  She agreed there was no quality of life.  I told her that my Dad had basically told me he was ready to die.  I didn’t stay long after that.  I left and contacted my siblings and let them know.  I later met with my Mother and let her know.  It was one of the toughest things I had ever done. 

     I visited Dad in the hospital again the next day, Friday.  They had just given him something for pain but he was able to communicate a little with me.  I said “a glass of rye would probably be good about now.”  He said “yeah”.  He then mumbled something that sounded like “how are  you doing?”  I began to sob and tell him I wasn’t doing so well because I was losing my Dad.  I pulled back the covers to grasp his hand.  He was startled a little bit so I made a joke and said “calm down, I’m not getting in the bed with you.”  He smiled.  It was the last laugh between us.  He drifted in and out after that and there was no more communication. 

     On Saturday January 19th, my wife and I took my Mother up to say goodbye to my Father.  It was a very emotional time for us all.  Luckily my two brothers, Chris who lives in Ohio and Tim working in the Northwest Territories, had managed to make into Belleville to say goodbye to Dad.  They arrived when I was there with Mom.  Dad never spoke and he just stared off but he would raise his eyebrows whenever we spoke to him.  I think he heard us.  My other siblings also saw Dad on Saturday.  Just after 11pm, I received a call that Dad had passed away.  The Doctor was right, it had only been a couple of days.  Dad was on his final journey. 

     The next few days were very busy and very difficult.  Mom had said that Dad wanted to be cremated and she didn’t want any service.  George Arthur Henderson's UrnTim and I met with Quinte Cremation and handled everything.  We would eventually receive Dad’s ashes in a nice urn shaped like a deer.  We all agreed that Dad would have liked that.  Throughout that time I had been torn with guilt because as the Power of Attorney I had had to make that tough call to end treatment for Dad.  I had copies of the Will and Power of Attorney and it took me three days to find those copies.  When I did, I discovered there was also a Living Will that Dad had signed stating that if he ever was so ill that there was no chance of recovery or quality of life that we were to discontinue treatment and let him die.  I can tell you after reading that, a big weight was lifted.  I had honoured Dad’s wishes. 

     My Father was the last of his family.  His parents and siblings were all gone and the baby of the family was the last to go.  Here is the obituary that was posted for Dad:

George Arthur Henderson

HENDERSON, George Arthur – Of Belleville. Passed away at the Belleville General Hospital on Saturday January 19th, 2019 in his 82nd year. Son of the late Charles and Ada Henderson. Beloved husband of Sharron Nadine Henderson (Seeley). Dear father of Timothy Henderson (Rebecca Cameron) of Orleans Ontario, Todd Henderson (Tammy Thrasher) of Belleville, Scott Henderson (Jeanette) of Demorestville, Wanda Foley (Mike) of Wallbridge, Daniel Henderson (Debby) of Belleville, and Christopher Henderson (Valerie) of Hamilton, Ohio. Predeceased by his brother Claire Henderson, and by his sisters Helen Bradshaw and Muriel Grimpson. Loved by his several grandchildren and great grandchildren. In keeping with George’s wishes, cremation has taken place, and there will be no visitation or service. Donations to the charity of choice would be appreciated. Online condolences can be made at www.quintecremationservices.com

 

     I think that’s enough of all that.  Instead I want to share some photos of my Dad.  It’s tough because I don’t have many photos of my Dad.  I’m sure my Mother has some but I wanted to go with ones as they related to me.  The earliest I have in my possession is this one taken at the reception after my wedding to Jeanette on May 30th, 1987.  It’s a nice photo of both of my parents: 

George & Sharron Henderson May 30th, 1987

 

The next photo was taken at my brother Chris’ wedding to Valerie in I believe 2004: 

Mom and Dad in 2004

Then there’s a photo of Mom and Dad at my other brother Dan’s wedding to Debbie around 2008: 

Mom and Dad 2008

The picture below is a nice photo of Dad taken at the Celebration of Life for my Aunt Helen who passed away in 2016:

Dad in 2016

Next is a great photo of Mom and Dad with all their children on the occasion of Dad’s 80th Birthday in 2017: 
Dad's 80th BirthdayFrom left to right, Scott (me), Dan, Wanda, Tim, Mom, Todd, Dad, and Chris. My niece Keri is in the background in the purple dress.

The following photo I believe is one of the last photos taken of my parents together in August 2017.  This was taken on the occasion of my nephew Christopher’s wedding:

     I think that’s really all I want to post of photos.  Now onto some memories.  I have two special memories of my Dad.  When I was a kid, my Dad was a big fan of Stompin’ Tom Connors and I loved his music, too.  When Stompin’ Tom came to Belleville in the late 1960s or early 1970s, I begged my Dad to take me but I think he thought I was too young.  He took my two older brothers Tim and Todd and they weren’t even fans.  When Stompin’ Tom came again to Belleville in 1999 I got good seats and Dad and I went together.  It was a great concert and a great time. 

     My second favourite memory is of going to the movies with my Dad and my Uncle Rod (who sadly passed away last year) to see Walt Disney’s Snowball Express.  It became one my Dad’s favourite movies and I remember buying him VHS and DVD copies of this movie.  It’s still one of my favourites too.  We had a great time at the movies and it was one of the last movies my Dad saw in the movie theatre.  The last movie my parents saw together was The Exorcist from 1973.  They went with some relatives and friends.  Dad thought it was a comedy.  That was George Henderson for you. 

     Because there were no services for Dad I didn’t get to share any of these memories or to share a poem that was special to me about a poet’s Father and death.  I’ll share it now: 

 

WHEN MY FATHER WENT TO WALES

 

When my father went to Wales in ’61

for his father’s funeral

I was twelve

and knew nothing.

 

Death was real but remote,

like the origin of the world

or the Ed Sullivan Show.

But having touched my father

death became a constant

in my world. Having taken his father

my own was suddenly vulnerable

to that theft, and from then on

I guarded him with the magic

of a twelve-year-old: words,

 

things, the power of thought

unknown to him kept him free

of that other’s possession.

 

Once he came close to falling;

 

I forgot or relaxed or was distracted

and he glimpsed his father’s world.

 

Never again would I be so negligent.

 

And though he will fall, as he must,

into his father’s arms,

 

I know it will not be the magic’s fault

or mine, or anything to do with failure.

 

He will fall as we all must

into a world which was once his own,

and seeing his old man again

he will be happy, and happy

will turn to brace his arms

for me, following.

 

Dermot McCarthy,  Canadian poet

 

I think I would have liked to have read that poem but if I’m being honest, I think my Dad would have rather I read from his favourite poems:

 

I found my thrill
On Blueberry Hill
On Blueberry Hill
When I found you

The moon stood still
On Blueberry Hill
And lingered until
My dream came true

The wind in the willow played
Love’s sweet melody
But all of those vows you made
Were never to be

Though we’re apart
You’re part of me still
For you were my thrill
On Blueberry Hill

The wind in the willow played
Love’s sweet melody
But all of those vows you made
Were only to be
Though we’re apart
You’re part of me still
For you were my thrill
On Blueberry Hill

BLUEBERRY HILL by FATS DOMINO

     All those years of listening to Stompin’ Tom Connors and country music growing up and I didn’t realize until I was into my twenties that Dad was a Fats Domino fan.  It came on the radio one time and he said that was his favourite song.  I don’t know if it remained his favourite but I’m going to play my Dad out with that song.  Rest in peace Dad, I Love You.