Scott Henderson « The False Ducks Blahg

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SHAME ON YOU TOSHIBA, EXCEPT AL…MAYBE

Thursday, May 3rd, 2012

I wanted to call this blahg “Toshiba Sucks” or “Toshiba–To Hell In A Handbasket”. Scott Henderson still thinks he's cool! It wasn’t that I thought my readers (do I have readers?) would not get the play on words on that last one but rather that I want to give Toshiba some more time to resolve this issue or more rope with which to hang themselves. After all, it’s not my reputation on line here, it’s the good name of Toshiba that’s at stake.

Before I get too far ahead with this blahg, let me clarify that I’m not a pessimist. The glass is neither half full or half empty with me; it’s a glass and that means it can be broken and someone can be injured. I know that in previous blahgs that I’ve been quick to point blame or fault where it is due. In the past I’ve blamed David Letterman for breaking my cookie and cell phone users for ruining my movie going experience. To my own defense, I have also given praise where it is due. I’ve given accolades to Frank Sinatra, Jerry Lewis, and Margaret Ann & The Ja-Da Quartet. I’ve also praised Whirpool for my new washing machine. If you are scratching your head at this point then it’s because you haven’t read my previous blahgs. Do yourself a favor and look back through my archives. There’s some fun reading there. All that aside, I can compliment just as easily as condemn. I wanted to make sure that was straight before I began my latest tirade.

Back in December, on Boxing Day to be precise, I bought a new Blu-Ray Player. I’m not an overly big fan of Blu-Ray and there’s been a great deal of material released on Blu-Ray that is sub-standard. The only reason I made the investment was there are some new materials being released with bonus material or special features that I cannot access on a regular DVD. This purchase is actually the second Blu-Ray player that has come into our home. The first was an inexpensive Seiki player BD660 that I purchased from Walmart. My son had been bugging me about getting one and when this one came on sale at Walmart for about $50, I made the purchase and made him happy. He quickly claimed it for his room and occasionally it was allowed to make an appearance in the living-room when he wanted to watch something on the big screen. It really didn’t matter because I hadn’t begun to purchase that many Blu-Ray discs and if I had something, then Noah was gracious enough to lend me back the Seiki that I had paid for.

The Seiki served its purpose until I began to acquire more Blu-Ray discs and the player begand to spend more time downstairs and Noah began to spend more time complaining about the situation. So, to get back to the story, I purchased a new Blu-Ray player for our main room. The source, which used to be Radio Shack, had a sale on the Toshiba Blu-Ray Player BDX2155KC.
It looked liked a decent player and it certainly was a decent price. I enjoyed the player right away because it had a feature that I really wanted in a player. If you take a close look at the back of this Toshiba Player then you will see that there is a USB port where you can connect a USB Flash Drive. This is very important because it allows me to play content that I have downloaded from the Internet.

I don’t want to get into the legality or illegality of downloaded content. I have discussed this all before in my blahg, “The Death of A Big One”. I detailed how I have had to download current TV shows because I live in the country and get 4 channels. Not all current shows air on any of those channels. One of my new favorites,”Smash”, about the struggle to put on a Broadway musical about Marilyn Monroe, has started airing on CTV2 after first airing on CTV. CTV is one of the 4 channels I do get and when they switched “Smash” to CTV2 then I had to start downloading the new episodes. Shame on you CTV and CTV2 and your parent companies…but that’s another story. I download some new shows like “Smash” & “Psych” and some older classic movies that have never been released on DVD.

The important thing to understand about downloading video content from the Internet is that the content can come in different formats. There is the standard AVI or DivX format that most regular DVD Players can play and then there are the MP4, MKV, WMA, MPEG formats that regular DVD players cannot display. If you don’t understand these formats then research them because I don’t have the time nor inclination to do that in this blahg. My new Toshiba Player has the ability to play all of these formats. All I need to do is put the downloaded content on my USB Flash Drive, plug the Drive into the back of the Toshiba and then we’re away to the races…or the movies in this case.

That’s how it’s supposed to work. I have a normal DVD Player with a USB Port in the front and if just want to watch a TV show or movie in AVI format then I can just use the USB Thumb Drive in this player and watch the content. When it’s any of the other formats, mentioned above, then I have to use my Toshiba. Let me be clear that the Toshiba has no problems playing any of the content in those formats. The problem is that if the show or movie is longer than 30 minutes then the Toshiba shuts down. It powers off right at the 30 minute mark. That’s a pain. Imagine trying to watch an hour or longer show or a movie and, just when things get interesting, the Toshiba turns itself off. Here’s my description of that feeling/experience: arrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhh! Do I make myself clear?

I knew that this wasn’t normal. I can play a DVD or Blu-Ray disc in the Toshiba without a problem. The movie or show on the disc will play from beginning to end without interruption. Use the USB and the Toshiba shuts down after 30 minutes. I checked through the manual and the only thing that I could find that applied to this problem was a note in the section about Screen Saver Duration: “The unit shuts down automatically in about thirty minutes if it remains idle and no activities are made.” I checked the on screen menu settings and the maximum time at which you can set the screen saver is 30 minutes. There is also the option to disable the screen saver. This does nothing. With the screen saver disabled, the Toshiba still shuts down after 30 minutes when playing content from a USB Drive. The only way that I discovered to avoid the shutdown is to pause the show or movie before 30 minutes and then resume play. If the show is one hour then I only have to pause it once but if it’s a two hour movie then I have to pause the Toshiba three or more times. Again, certainly not a normal procedure for a Blu-Ray player.

I struggled with this problem for a few months. I tried searching the Internet for a solution but to no avail. I was resolved that the Toshiba was not functioning properly. Finally, when I had some time, on April 4th, I telephoned Toshiba support for the first time. I wish I had had the foresight to record all of these conversations or to document the names of all of the people I spoke to at Toshiba. The first time I called, I spoke to someone who didn’t really understand what I was trying to tell him. I’m sure it was a language issue because Toshiba has clearly outsourced their technical support as everyone I spoke to subsequently, with the exception of Al (who will come up again later), had a foreign accent. I’m not knocking that. I worked for Hewelett Packard for a while troubleshooting their printers and some of their technical support was outsourced to India and The Philippines. There were many great technicians in those countries handling complex issues. The problem lies with Toshiba, in this case, in making sure their agents are qualified or well-trained in technical troubleshooting and appropriate customer service.

The first agent, as I said, had a hard time grasping the technical problem I was having with his company’s product. He put me on hold three or four times to check with his supports and each time he came back he would reiterate my problem but he would keep saying that my problem was that the Blu-Ray player would shut down after 30 minutes whether I played Blu-Ray discs or USB content. I kept having to clarify that the problem was only with the USB content. After the last time he had put me on hold, he came back and told me that they had determined that this Toshiba Player was malfunctioning and that they would need to replace it. They had all of my contact information and the serial number of the Player and there was no conversation about the Warranty. I never questioned the Warranty anyway because the manual clearly stated there was a full one year Warranty on the unit. The agent explained that I would receive an email detailing how they would be replacing the BDX2155KC. That was the end of the conversation I had with that agent other than that he provided me with a reference number.

More than a week passed and I received no emails from Toshiba. On April 13th, I phoned Toshiba once more and had to explain everything all over again to a new agent. When you first speak to these agents, they want the serial number of the Player to determine if the product is still in Warranty. This was the same procedure we used at Hewlett Packard. I learned early on however to just quote my reference number so they could quickly pull up my file. With this second agent, I did have to explain the problem again and to explain that a previous agent had told me the unit would be replaced but I had not received an email communicating any of the necessary details. It was clear that the first agent had not put any of this in his notes because the second agent could find no reference to a replacement. He put me on hold to speak to his Supervisor and then came back and told me they couldn’t help me because my Player was out of Warranty. I explained that I had only purchased it at the end of December and with a full one year warranty, the unit could not be out of Warranty. I had even gone online and registered the Blu-Ray player shortly after purchasing it. Why didn’t they have a record of this? Surely, they could look up the manual themselves and see what I could see about the Warranty: Toshiba BDX2155KC Blu-Ray Player Warranty

There was not question in my mind about the Warranty.

The agent had to put me on hold a few times as he tried to update the Warranty. I offered to fax or email a copy of the receipt from The Source but he told me it was not necessary. Finally, after numerous times of putting me on hold, he told me he was escalating my case to a Supervisor and that I would receive a callback to resolve this issue. I should have started balking at this point but I didn’t have any reason to suspect I would not receive a return call from someone higher up at Toshiba.

Jump ahead a week. It’s now April 20th and no one has called me back and still no emails and still the Player is shutting down after thirty minutes when playing content from the USB Drive. Again, I get a new agent and have to provide the case number and I have to detail the problem again and the previous conversations with previous agents. This new agent does not question the Warranty so I assume the Warranty issue has been resolved. This time I’m only on hold once before he comes back and says he will be escalating me to a Supervisor and that I’m to hold the line for the Supervisor. While transferring me to the Supervisor, the call disconnects. I wait an hour and no one calls me back. I call again and get yet another agent and provide my reference number and a back story detailing my issues with the Blu-Ray Player and my issues with all of the previous agents. I am immediately connected to a Supervisor and the call does not disconnect. I have to provide all details and history again to this Supervisor. I am told by this Supervisor that his records indicate that they have already replaced this unit. What!? Previous agents couldn’t find anything in the notes about a promise to replace the Player yet this Supervisor tells me they have a record that they have already replaced the BDX2155KC. I am very insistent that the unit has not been replaced and that I’m very disappointed with the customer service that I have received to this point. The Supervisor apologizes, like every agent before him has apologized, and promises that he will get this resolved by escalating my case to Customer Service. Again I’m assured a callback. Again, the callback never comes.

April 27th, a week later, three weeks since I started calling Toshiba, I place a call to Toshiba and get yet another Agent who is unfamiliar with my case. This time, I begin recording times, names, and what I’m being told. Here’s the timeline from April 27th:

1:15pm: I speak to Phil and provide my case number, explain the problem with Player, detail my frustration with Toshiba and the lack of support I have received to date. I ask for a Supervisor. Phil says it will be a ten minute wait on hold for a Supervisor. I am placed on hold at 1:30pm.

1:55pm: Someone named Victor comes on the line. I ask if he is a Supervisor. He explains that he is not a Supervisor and it becomes apparent that after 25 minutes on hold I was routed back to another front line technical support agent. I provide the case number and case history so he doesn’t have to read through all of the notes. Victor explains that he only troubleshoots issues and customers from the United States and that because I am in Canada, he cannot help me. I request a Supervisor. Victor becomes belligerent and says I cannot speak to a Supervisor because he does not provide support to Canadian customers. I become belligerent and complain about the poor support and service I have received from Toshiba. Victor does not apologize but maintains he cannot help me because I am Canadian. I demand his employee #. He tells me his ID # is 1326932. I have requested this number because I want to report this agent and make sure he is properly trained in Customer Service etiquette. I then demand to be transferred to someone who can help me.

2:06pm: I am transferred yet again to a front line agent but this time to someone who services Canadians. His name is Karl. Again I offer up the reference number and case history and overall dissatisfaction with Toshiba. I also explain the inappropriateness of Victor, the US only support agent and that I would be happy to provide his ID #. Apparently this is not necessary. I don’t push the Victor issue. I ask for a Supervisor. Karl tries to be helpful and wants to troubleshoot the original issue about the unit shutting down after 30 minutes. I thought this might be useful because no one else had tried to do that since the first agent back on April 4th. Karl does not place me on hold but his answers are not helpful and are not correct. He explains that the BDX2155KC does not support playback of any video file formats other than MPEG files. I read to him from the manual: USB Supported Content for BDX2155KC

Again, I fail to understand why Toshiba agents do not have access to the same information as I. It’s in the manual. Nowhere in the manual does it say that MPEG files are the only supported USB content for video files. I thank Karl for trying and request a Supervisor. I am placed on hold again.

2:23pm: I have been on the phone for more than an hour and have spoken to three different people and been transferred three times. A female voice comes on the line this time. Her name is Karen. I explain all problems and frustrations. Again, I receive apologies. She explains she is escalating my case to a Case Manager. I know about Case Managers. We had them with Hewlett Packard. When a Supervisor cannot resolve a case then it is escalated to a Case Manager. I am asked to hold the line. Here we go again.

2:37pm: It’s the old waiting game. New voice. Another man. This person identifies himself as Al and that he is a Case Manager. This is the first time I’ve spoken to someone without an accent. Again, not an issue. I detail everything to Al. I don’t press the Victor issue. Again, I receive an apology. I’m a little snippy with Al and tell him that apologies don’t mean anything if the same things keep happening again. I ask him if this is how customer service is supposed to be. He says “no”. I tell him that’s the correct answer. Al asks if he can call me back in ten minutes because he has to review the manual and find out why the unit is shutting down after thirty minutes. I refuse the callback. I explain that Toshiba’s track record with callbacks is very poor and I’m not going through that again. Al says he has to have time to review the manual. I ask him what does he need to know because I have the manual in front of me. I cite passages about the screen saver and the shutdown feature. I explain about supported content and tell him where he can find it in the manual. He still presses for the callback because he needs to investigate this himself. I concede. He promises me it will only be ten minutes. I’m off the phone with Al at 2:47pm.

3:12pm: Al calls me back. It’s been 25 minutes. Another promise not kept. Al explains that he can find no reason to explain why the unit is shutting down during USB content playback. He says that Toshiba will replace my BDX2155KC with a newer BDX2300.
Again, a promise of replacement. Al says that he doesn’t currently have any of the BDX2300s at his location in Toronto and would I wait for them to be shipped to Toronto from Vancouver. This is the first time I realize I’m speaking to another Canadian. I tell him that I can wait. I’ve waited this long. I’m off the phone with Al by 3:17. I think that I’ve finally reached a resolution.

3:25pm: Al calls me back. Will wonders never cease? Two callbacks from this guy and only one was expected. Bad news. Al says that they cannot send me a replacement because my BDX2155KC is out of warranty. I wanted to blast Al about this but he’s been nice up to this point. I explain to Al that I had already gone through all of this before and my receipt shows I purchased it on December 26th, 2011 and the manual says I have a full one year warranty. He asks if anyone had asked me to fax a copy of the receipt. I tell him no, but that I offered and was told that it wasn’t necessary. Cut to the chase. Al asks me to fax a copy of my receipt to him and he will update the Warranty. He also promises to send the BDX2300 directly to me from Vancouver by UPS rather than having to wait for it to arrive in Toronto and then relayed on to me. I get off the phone, fax the receipt to Al, and that’s the last I hear from anyone with Toshiba.

It hasn’t been a week yet but I’ve heard nothing from Al or Toshiba. I’m assuming everything is fine and the Warranty has been updated and I will soon receive the BDX2300. Stay tuned.

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I SHINED JERRY LEWIS’ SHOE

Sunday, April 22nd, 2012

Scott Henderson still thinks he's cool! I am a huge Jerry Lewis fan. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate. With a nod to Charles Dickens, from whom I stole that line, I will relate to you something wonderful that happened to me a week ago.

First, let me back up 30 years. I graduated from Quinte Secondary School in Belleville, Ontario, Canada in June of 1982. Nothing about that is really significant but in my High-school yearbook, next to my photo, was printed the caption Scott Henderson is voted “most likely to shine Bob Hope’s shoes”. It was published at the suggestion of my friend Bryan who wanted to see something unique listed next to my mug shot. I guess, ‘most likely to succeed’ or ‘most likely to sire 100 children’ was already taken.

Let me tell you that a legacy to shine a celebrity’s shoes are tough shoes to fill. Sorry, I couldn’t resist. After all, Quinte Secondary School and I were about as far removed from Bob Hope as you can get. The truth is, I never got within 100 feet, kilometers, or miles of Bob Hope within his lifetime and mine. Bob Hope’s lifetime spanned 100 years and he passed away in 2003. The closest I ever got to him was seeing Dave Thomas, of SCTV & Bob & Doug McKenzie fame, at a fan convention in Toronto three years ago. Dave Thomas does the world’s greatest Bob Hope imitation. I actually saw a video interview with Bob Hope and Dave Thomas several years ago where Bob Hope stated that Dave Thomas was the only one who could do a proper imitation of Hope. A further accolade to Thomas is that he was chosen to do a Bob Hope voice over for the Academy Awards a couple years ago when they did a tribute to Bob Hope. When I met Thomas at the convention, he was signing autographs but not interacting with fans.
My son and I stood in line for his autograph and when we got to his table, I told my son, loudly enough for Thomas to hear, that this man was the greatest Bob Hope imitator. Thomas looked up a little surprised then said in his best Bob Hope voice “that’s what the man said.” You can see Noah and I in the photo to the left with Dave Thomas at the very moment I pointed my finger and gave Thomas credit for his Hope imitation. My son and I were very pleased. No one else had received any reaction from Thomas.

I never shined Bob Hope’s shoes. I don’t know why Bryan set me up like that. I was, after all, a bigger Jerry Lewis fan although I have several DVDs of Bob Hope movies and several books by or about Bob Hope. My dedication to Jerry Lewis is probably a little deeper. After Hope passed away, I remember telling Bryan that I would probably have to set my sights on Jerry’s shoes. My fascination with Jerry Lewis has been constant for many years. There are many people who don’t get his type of comedy and don’t see the appeal. They often point to one thing or another about his personal life that they insist should tarnish the image of the man. I don’t really care about all of that. Jerry Lewis, for me, is that image in his films or television appearances.

I’ve read three books about Jerry. The first was by Richard Gehman, entitled “That Kid: The Story of Jerry Lewis”. That Kid: The Story of Jerry Lewis It’s an interesting read but only significant up to its publication date of 1964. It focuses greatly on some touring he did to promote the release of “The Nutty Professor” and more so on preparation for his ill-fated 1960s talk/variety show.

King of Comedy. The Life and Art of Jerry Lewis The second book, “King of Comedy, The Life and Art of Jerry Lewis”, by Shawn Levy in 1997 was a great read. Here was a well researched book that even included excerpts from interviews with Jerry. It’s not meant to be a hatchet job or a fawning opus. There’s dirt and there’s flowers throughout the book and it really delves into who Jerry Lewis is and how he developed into the person he has become. I highly recommend it.

Jerry’s own book “Dean & Me (A Love Story)” is exactly what the title says it is: it’s a love story about the relationship between Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin. Maybe it’s a little one sided because Dean Martin died in 1995; more than ten years before the publication of this book in 2006. Somehow, though, Jerry doesn’t meander on or give us treacle. The book is heartfelt and it’s an insight into a great relationship from the viewpoint of one of the partners. Maybe it’s colored or jaded or whatever but Jerry does a great job and, if nothing else, it lets us in on the secrets and the success and the problems with Martin & Lewis.

So, I approach Jerry Lewis with bias. I have read two great books and one good one. I’ve also seen almost all of his films. As a DVD collector, 2012 has been a great year so far with the release of several great Jerry Lewis films. The first three months alone, saw the release of “Rock-a-Bye Baby”, “The Geisha Boy”, “Boeing Boeing”, “It’s Only Money” and “Who’s Minding The Story”. The Jazz Singer - Jerry Lewis More significantly there was a DVD release of “The Jazz Singer” which was a 1959 television drama that has never been seen since its original airing. It’s the classic story, done brilliantly before by Al Jolson, Danny Thomas, and even Neil Diamond, of a performer who shuns the interest of his Cantor father to continue in the family tradition at the local synagogue. I came across an audio clip from Jerry explaining why he feels that this type of production isn’t made anymore:

JERRY LEWIS TALKS ABOUT THE JAZZ SINGER

THE FALSEDUCKS BLAHG

I could probably go on and on about the great and not so great Jerry Lewis material out there but then this blahg wouldn’t get finished. I am just hoping that the release of material continues and Jerry gets his due on store shelves. One more thing on the release of “The Jazz Singer”, which will bring this blahg back to where it should be going, Jerry Lewis did some promotion for this DVD release and was signing copies of the DVD in Los Angeles. Up to that point, I had not heard that Jerry was actually making public appearances anymore. The closest he ever got to me was about ten years or so ago when he had a one man show “An Evening With Jerry Lewis” that played in Toronto. I’m two and a half hours away from Toronto and I couldn’t swing it at that time.

Jump ahead to 2012. Thirty years had passed since my high-school graduation and that Bob Hope’s shoes remark had been attributed to my picture in the yearbook. I’m driving in the car and listening to the top ten at ten on AM 740. I’ve mentioned this radio station before, out of Toronto, and you can listen to it live at: http://zoomerradio.ca. The top ten on that day was dedicated to 1965 and the announcer, before going to a commercial break, gave a hint regarding the number one song. His clue was that the song was by the son of a famous comedian and that the father would be appearing at Casino Rama in Orillia, just north of Toronto, in April. I quickly struggled to guess the song and the singer before the program resumed. The only name I could think of from the 1960s who had a father that was a famous comedian was Gary Lewis and the song would be “This Diamond Ring.” As I began to think of the possibility, I excitedly wondered if this meant that Gary Lewis’ father Jerry Lewis would be coming back to Canada. After the commercial, my suspicions were confirmed. The top song was that one by Gary Lewis and this meant that I had the possibility of getting to see Jerry Lewis!

When I finally got home and could check Casino Rama’s website, it was confirmed for me. Jerry Lewis was playing Casino Rama on April 13th. I was, to say the least, extremely excited. I called my friend Bryan and mentioned that Jerry Lewis was coming and that he and I had to go and see him. Of course Bryan shared my enthusiasm. The excitement, however, became tainted when I mentioned to my wife about going to see Jerry with Bryan. I was immediately informed that if I was going to go away overnight to see Jerry that I was going to take her. We’re celebrating our 25th anniversary this year so the request was clearly not a request. Bryan understood but I’m still sure that his disappointment hasn’t waned. He has since said he is not really a big Jerry Lewis fan but I think that’s a lie and he’s just trying to make me feel better about choosing my wife over him. If you think I’m going to rethink my decision….YOU’RE WRONG! (my wife might be reading this).

When tickets went on sale, I was quickly online at the Casino Rama website because I wanted decent seats. I wanted to be able to see Jerry and get as close to him as I could. All sorts of things were going through my mind. Could I get close enough to the stage for him to see me? Would he be signing autographs? What if I could meet him? I’ll be honest, the thought of shining his shoes never crossed my mind. I don’t know what the happier moment was for me: when the tickets arrived by mail and they were in my hand or the moment when I heard Jerry Lewis was coming. I knew that seeing him live or alive would top both of these experiences.

Let me say that attending the event was a joy! We drove three and a half hours and when Jerry stepped out on that stage, I was like a school kid. I remember elbowing my wife and squealing “there he is” with great delight. Jerry’s 86 years old and that did not stop him from putting on a fantastic show. He told some great jokes and sang a few great songs. One of the musical highlights was his version of “Old Black Magic” that he originally performed in “The Nutty Professor”. The crowd went wild. Fortunately, someone captured that moment and it’s available on Youtube.

I didn’t bring a camera myself because I thought they would be banned and I didn’t want to be ejected from the event. Jeanette and I had great seats and we could see Jerry very well and there were two large screens next to the stage that allowed even better views. These were used for close-ups of the performance and to show clips from Jerry’s movies. For some reason, Jerry made reference to Henny Youngman, the king of one-liners, being from a Canada and showed a clip of Jerry, Alan King, and another comic in a salute to Youngman. It was hilarious and I wish I could find that clip online but I haven’t had any success. I’ll keep looking. By the way, Henny Youngman was born in the United Kingdom. Well, Canada is part of the Commonwealth so I guess I can forgive Jerry that inaccuracy.

I mentioned earlier about the release of “Who’s Minding The Store” on DVD. In that film, Jerry did a great gag of typing on an imaginary typewriter while keeping in time with the music and sound effects. It’s a very funny gag and one that Jerry performed at Casino Rama last week. He never missed a beat while performing it last week and the audience at it up. I don’t have video of that performance but here’s a video of the original gag from the movie. The man is a genius!

Jerry Lewis had people in stitches the whole evening. Some of the jokes I heard him do before. There is a great VHS of “An Evening With Sammy Davis & Jerry Lewis” from 1988. Jerry repeated some of the jokes from that appearance. In the video, Jerry and Sammy are a delight. AN EVENING WITH SAMMY DAVIS JR. & JERRY LEWIS Sammy sings and dances and Jerry does his schtick. They have individual sets but when they get together or Jerry interrupts Sammy, the show is the thing. If you can track down a copy of the video, sorry no DVD release yet, then you’re in for a treat. This pairing, like Dean and Jerry, will never happen again.

All of the jokes, gags, and songs Jerry performed at Casino Rama were very memorable but Jerry Lewis did something I have never seen another performer do before or since (although that was last week and I haven’t seen any other concerts in that time). Half way during the show, Jerry sat down in a director’s chair and took questions from the audience! I couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t sure I would have the opportunity to get close to Jerry but here was my chance. I wasn’t the first one out of my seat because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to ask Jerry. I got in line because I knew that something would come to me and I certainly wasn’t going to miss this chance of a lifetime.

Many of the questions asked by others that night are a bit of a blur. I do recall that most of them appeared to be fawning idiots who just wanted to thank Jerry for everything he had done. Others asked for autographs and were referred to see Security after the show. None of us knew if these requests would be honored. I had been toying with asking Jerry if there would be any new DVD releases in the near future because I really was interested in knowing the answer.

At some point, while waiting my turn in the long line, the shining of the shoes came back to haunt me. Was this appropriate to ask? What would be his reaction? When it came my turn I stepped up to the microphone and said “Hello Jerry, my name is Scott, and when I was in High School they printed next to my picture in the yearbook that I was voted most likely to shine Bob Hope’s shoes. That bastard up and died on me so I’m wondering if I could shine your shoe?” That’s right, I said ‘shoe’, singular. I was so excited by what I was saying and that I was actually saying it to Jerry Lewis that my mouth went dry towards the end and I could only utter shoe when I came to the end of my speech. Jerry’s reaction was priceless. He had just taken a drink of water and out it came in a spray when he heard my request. He sputtered and said “I had to ask.” I had cracked up Jerry Lewis and the audience. I was laughing too. I never did get a direct answer from Jerry but the interchange between us was palpable.

I thought that was it. I had made my appearance and others came up to the microphone and asked their questions. I don’t think anyone topped my request. But the question still remained: How was I going to get to shine Jerry’s shoe? After the performance, and what a performance, many audience members worked their way to the right of the stage where members of Security stood. Many had brought books or DVDs or records for Jerry to sign. They all were jostling with Security hoping to get backstage to have their items signed. Someone took some of the items backstage and said they would see what they could do to get the items autographed. I just stood among them. I had nothing to sign. I just wanted to shine Jerry’s shoe. After 30 minutes, they began to take a few VIP ticket holders backstage and they eventually came out with small autographed photos. Others who had sent items with Security were allowed backstage to retrieve their items. About 20 of us without items stood in line hoping to get to see Jerry and have our tickets signed at least.

As I mentioned, there was a great deal of jostling from the 50 or so people hoping to be lucky enough to see Jerry and maybe get his autograph. Some Security members doubted that Jerry would sign for long as he was old and tired. I could only hope. Eventually some people got tired of waiting and left. After another twenty minutes, the remainder of us were allowed backstage. We were told at this point that Jerry was very tired and that he would not be autographing tickets nor were photos allowed. What about shoe shining, I wondered.

Jeanette joined me in line and we eventually were led to a room where Jerry sat in his director’s chair. Most walked up and shook his hand. Then it was my turn. I shook his hand and reminded him that I was the one who wanted to shine his shoe. He smiled and gestured to his shoe. I got down on one knee and with my coat sleeve, I began to gently shine his left shoe. I only shined the one shoe because I had only said ‘shoe’ and I didn’t want to press my luck and go for both. I stood up, and without blinking an eye, I extended my palm and said “that will be a dollar.” Jerry laughed and said “get out of here.” It was a moment I won’t ever forget. I had cracked up Jerry Lewis…twice.

Jeanette was behind me in line. Neither of us had brought anything for Jerry Lewis to sign and we knew better than to ask him to sign our tickets after we were warned against it. Jeanette, however, had a small notebook in her purse and quickly offered a blank page to Jerry. No fuss no muss. Jerry signed it! What class! What style! What an end to an extraordinary evening!

I may have never had the chance to sign Bob Hope’s shoes but I think this makes up for it. I signed Jerry Lewis’ shoe. It was only the left shoe but that leaves me with a goal for the right foot. I’ll see him again, don’t you worry. Long live Jerry Lewis!

Tags:Bob Hope, False Ducks, Jerry Lewis, Scott Henderson
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THE BEST APRIL FOOL’S DAY JOKE I NEVER PLAYED

Thursday, April 12th, 2012

I have some time today so I’m going to trying and knock out this blahg. Scott Henderson still thinks he's cool! It has been ten days since April Fool’s Day and I haven’t written a blahg since March 22nd. That is no April Fool’s joke! I meant to write a blahg earlier and even thought about having it come out on April 1st but I just couldn’t find the time. Besides, if it came out on the first of April, you probably wouldn’t have believed it.

My friend Glenda, or I should say our friend Glenda because she was my wife’s friend first, has the dubious distinction of being born on April 1st. She also has the dubious distinction of having Henderson sideburns but if you look at my picture, you’ll see I haven’t kept my sideburns; I’ve barely kept my hair. For those keeping track, I am not losing my hair, it is just becoming more and more transparent. I digress. Glenda was born on April Fool’s Day and she has Henderson sideburns despite being anything but a Henderson.

Glenda always had to be vigilant on her Birthday because many people tried to pull some type of joke on her to help her celebrate her natal day. She was very vigilant indeed because when I met her in University, she maintained that no one had been able to slip anything past her on that day. She also had certain restrictions that she believed applied about April Fool’s Day and that mainly all pranks had to be played before noon if they were to count. I’m not sure if she made this up or if it’s the rule. But then, who’s ever heard of April Fool’s Morning? I’m digressing again.

This part of the narrative is not all that interesting and I’ll jump right to the point. I managed to play a successful prank on Glenda on April 1st. It wasn’t even all that great of a joke. Over breakfast at the Dining Hall, I told her she had a spider crawling up her sweater. I didn’t know she was severely afraid of spiders at the time or I wouldn’t have chosen that joke to play on her. To say the least, she freaked. She was also very angry with me. It wasn’t just about the spider gag but that I had successfully ruined her track record of avoiding all shenanigans on her Birthday. I will tell you that I didn’t push my luck and try again in the ensuing years. My record with Glenda stands at one. I told you that this part wasn’t all that interesting.

As you might have gleaned, I am a bit of a joker or jokester or whatever the correct terminology may be. I am quick with my wits and if there’s a great opportunity for a gag or great retort, then I’m all over the situation. I don’t remember all of the April Fool’s jokes that I’ve played or attempted to pull over the years but I’ll recite a couple. Once, before our youngest was born in 1998, I told some co-workers that Jeanette was pregnant again and that I wasn’t too happy about it. In fact, my wife Jeanette was pregnant at the time and Abbie arrived in December that year. We just didn’t know Jeanette was pregnant that April. The joke wasn’t all that funny in retrospect. We had tried for a while to have a third child and it just wasn’t happening and I was getting very disappointed. For me to use this as the focal point of a hoax made it even more compelling and the people at work soon bought into it. It was pretty mild really. I didn’t let it run the course of the day and when people discovered the truth they were disappointed because they knew how much I had hoped for a third child. As I said, the joke was on me, Abbie was already on her way. If Jeanette knew she was pregnant then she pulled the greatest April Fool’s joke by not telling me.

Another joke from that reoccurring April day, that I recall, also was delivered at work. I was working for the Community Development Council of Quinte and we were working on a report about poverty in our region. We came across the name of a small town in the outlying regions with which we were not familiar. I began to do further research on the community only to find there was nothing really significant about the area. I did not immediately share this information. Instead, I drafted a phony letter from a government official in response to a request for information that I hadn’t really made. The letter detailed how the community in question was a penal colony for persons who were caught cheating on their welfare applications. Welfare is a form of government assistance offered to individuals and families who have no other source of income. Our government, at that time, was overly concerned that these most marginalized of persons were cheating the system and acquiring funds to which they weren’t entitled. The government’s over-zealousness on this issue later lead to their loss in the next election.

The fraudulent letter that I drafted was never meant to be taken seriously and I even included fake names in the document such as Dewey Chetham (Do We Cheat ‘Em) & Anne Howe (And How). The insignia graphic I used on the letterhead even included naval objects such an anchor and life-preserver even though the community in question was land locked and the Government Ministry who drafted the letter was not genuine. The contact phone number also spelled out April Fools if you checked the corresponding letter on a number key-pad. My co-workers, however, bought it hook, line, and sinker. They missed all the clues that suggested the letter was not genuine. I had to let the cat out of the bag when they started protesting vehemently and were on the verge of phoning the number contained in the letter. There was no disappointment in that joke. Everyone thought it had been well played.

So you can see that I take April Fool’s Day seriously. I sometimes take weeks to concoct the perfect prank. One year, however, I didn’t play an April Fool’s joke and that backfired on me. I don’t know why I hadn’t taken advantage of the day to pull one over on my co-workers. I know that they had expected something but it never came. The following day was quite different and didn’t work in my favor. That April 2nd was a normal work day and according to my morning ritual, I dropped off our two oldest children at the home of some friends down the road.

I had to be at work early and these friends had two daughters who went to the same school. They agreed to put my children on the bus with theirs so that I could be at work on time. On the way to Bruce and Jane’s (the names of our friends in case you were interested), I encountered a strange situation. Their house was ten minutes down the road and there were only a handful of houses and a campground between our two homes. Passing the campground, I spied an ostrich walking on the road in the direction that I was driving. Yes, I said an ostrich. This part is all true. My children were reading books and when I cried out that there was an ostrich on the road, they didn’t even look up. They both believed this was my missed April Fool’s Day joke. Only when I slowed the van, did they look up from their books to find that I had been telling the truth.

The ostrich kept his pace trotting in my front of my vehicle for about half a kilometer and then he ran off down a side road just past the campground. We all were stunned and didn’t know what to think of it all. I continued on down our road and after a bend in the road, I encountered an older man and a young girl wrestling with another ostrich. I rolled down the window and informed the gentleman that there was another ostrich down the road. He yelled at me that he knew that and would I please just go. I guess when you’re wrestling an ostrich you don’t have much patience and manners are the first thing to go. Ostriches in the Winter By then, I had guessed that there must be an ostrich farm somewhere nearby. I took the fellow’s advice and continued on to Bruce and Jane’s and dropped off my children. I left it to my children to tell our friends about our strange encounter.

At work, I recounted my morning experience only to have no one believe a word. Frankly, I wouldn’t have believed it if it didn’t happen to me. I tried all day to convince my co-workers of the ordeal with the ostriches to no avail. They, like my children, were certain that this was the prank that should have been played the day before but I had waited to make it more convincing. My wife call at lunch time, as she always did, to see if there were any issues with the children because she was the one who always picked them up from Bruce and Jane’s on her way home. She also did not believe my ostrich tale. I urged her to check with the children and ask them what happened on the way to school that morning. I was sure that when she did that, the children would lend credence to my story.

When I arrived home that evening, my wife informed me that the children had not told her anything about ostrich’s when questioned about their ride to school. I was flabbergasted. Here was a great experience that no one believed had happened. I wasn’t sure why my children didn’t back up my claims. I called them into my wife and I and asked them what happened on the way to school. They replied that nothing had happened and it was a normal journey as usual. Again I was flabbergasted. I mentioned the ostriches and asked why they didn’t recall them from this morning. Their answers were simplicity. The experience with the ostriches did not happen on the way to school. The ostrich encounter had happened on the way to Bruce and Jane’s. So when questioned about their ride to school they thought they were being asked about the bus ride which had been uneventful. It’s all about the questions you ask.

Eventually I was vindicated with my wife. It took longer with my co-workers. I had to eventually bring one of the children to work to corroborate my story. I could have said they were elephants instead of ostriches for all they believed me. I am glad, however, that they weren’t elephants. I never did find out where the ostrich farm was but for a few days after this event, a ball of feathers lay dead on the ice near the campground. Obviously one of the ostriches had made it that far and had died there. I had noticed it but didn’t know where I could report it. If it had been an elephant, it would have gone through the ice and the no one would have been any the wiser. At least I was…wiser that is. I’ve since curbed my April Fool’s Day jokes. How can you even top the joke that you never played?

Tags:April Fool's Day, False Ducks, Ostrich, Scott Henderson
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FRANK SINATRA, BILL BAILEY, & A LITTLE CRAZY IN THE HEAD

Thursday, March 22nd, 2012

Where has the time gone? More than a month and no new blahg? Scott Henderson still thinks he's cool! Awwwk! I know, that’s a strange noise to make, and I’m sure I didn’t spell it correctly, but that’s the best I can do at this point. I have been so busy this past month that I haven’t had time to write a blahg and if I had the time, I was probably too tired. I won’t make any more excuses and I won’t make any more strange noises except caw caw. That’s even stranger but last week when we were in Toronto, I amused my thirteen year old daughter by randomly making that bird like noise in public to see if anyone would notice. No one did. Now on to the blahg.

This blahg is going to be an update to two previous blahgs and a little something extra thrown in. Right about now you’re probably wondering what I mean by “a little crazy in the head.” If you’ll stay with me, I’ll get there. First, let’s jump back to last September and the first blahg that I posted. You may recall that the title of that first blahg was “THE BLAHG AND THE MOST HAPPY SOUND”. If you can’t remember back that far, and believe me that I have those days, then you can just jump back and check out that blahg here: http://falseducks.com/theblahg/?p=5. The ‘Most Happy Sound’ of that blahg referred to the title album by Margaret Ann & The Ja-Da Quartet. I reviewed that album and offered a couple of tracks for your listening pleasure. I also noted two single 45 rpm releases by the same group but that I did not have a copy of one of these which included ‘Secret’ backed with ‘Bill Bailey, Won’t You Please Come Home’. I know this is a bit of a cheat because I have actually gone ahead and updated that blahg but if you’re only reading my new blahgs, and boy did you have to wait a while for a new one, then you probably didn’t know that first blahg has been updated.

I won’t dwell too much on this part of the update but I had previously reviewed “Secret” and commented that it sounded like a late 50s/early 60s vocal group. Secret/Bill Bailey, Won't You Please Come Home 45 rpm The flip side is completely different. “Bill Bailey, Won’t You Please Come Home” harkens back to the LP ‘The Most Happy Sound’. Here we have that roaring 20s jazz and swing coming through. Give it a listen:

Now on to the second update. I’m happy to say that Frank Sinatra is in the house! I guess I should clarify that in case a few of you believe I am a little crazy in the head and believe Sinatra is haunting me or at the very least that I’m hallucinating. This reference goes back to another blahg that I wrote back in January of this year. The title of that blahg was “THIS SPOT RESERVED FOR THE 2011 CARLTON CARDS SINATRA ORNAMENT.” Again, if you haven’t read that blahg, then you can check it out here http://falseducks.com/theblahg/?p=14. In that blahg, I detailed my frustration in finding the 2011 Carlton Cards Sinatra ornament to complete my collection that I started with the first release in 1999. I also exhibited a picture of my incomplete collection. That picture was in error because it only displayed 10 of the 11 releases (not including the missing 2011 ornament) and also did not include the Hallmark release in 2009 when there was no Carlton Cards Sinatra ornament. The picture at left now shows all of the ornaments; including the 2011 ornament.

The point of my original blahg was to draw attention to the missing ornament in my collection. Since that blahg I have now acquired the 2011 ornament and I want to comment a little on it. As I have mentioned (come on, read that blahg already so I don’t have to keep repeating everything), the 2011 ornament was withdrawn shortly after its initial release. The two answers I received from American Greetings, the parent company of Carlton Cards, basically pointed to a production error. If you look at the picture of my 2011 Carlton Cards Sinatra Ornament at left, you will notice that the skin coloring used for Sinatra seems to be quite dark. Maybe this was the production error or maybe Sinatra had a really good tan that year. Well, at least my collection is complete.

Now what about being crazy in the head? I knew you’d get around to asking that again. Well, the fact is it’s not really about being a little crazy in the head, although I will openly admit to that, but rather about ‘poco loco in the coco’ which translates that bit about being crazy in the head. Let me explain a little more. A couple weeks ago I was listening to my favorite AM Radio Station AM 740 out of Toronto. In fact, it’s the only AM station that I do listen to. Every morning from 10am to 11am they run the top ten at ten. This particular week they were running down the top ten hits from that week in 1950. Here’s how the list broke down:

10. / Enjoy Yourself / Guy Lombardo
9. / The Third Man Theme / Anton Karas
8. / Cry of the Wild Goose / Frankie Laine
7. / Rag Mopp / Ames Brothers
6. / I Said My Pajamas (and put on my prayers) / Tony Martin & Fran Warren
5. / It Isn’t Fair / Don Cornell
4. / There’s No Tomorrow / Tony Martin
3. / If I Knew You Were Comin’ (I’d’ve baked a cake) / Eileen Barton
2. / Chattanoogie Shoe Shine Boy / Red Foley
1. / Music Music Music / Teresa Brewer

You will notice that in the 3rd position was “If I Knew You Were Comin’ (I’d’ve Baked A Cake) by Eileen Barton. I’m familiar with this tune and have heard various artists sing it. It wasn’t extraordinary to me that the song was recorded by Ms. Barton but rather the flip side of that single caught my attention. When the radio personalities of AM 740 began to make fun of the title of the opposite side track, I was a little startled. The title of the flip side was “Poco Loco In The Coco.” I knew this song! I had only recently heard it for the first time a couple weeks before hearing this top ten list…and I have Frank Sinatra to thank for this.

In the mid-1950s, Sinatra had a fifteen minute radio show rightly entitled “To Be Perfectly Frank”. On this show, he sang a song or two with a small combo and played platters by other artists. At the beginning of this year, 2012, I decided to start listening again to material associated with Sinatra for every day of the year. I have so many recordings, radio shows, and concerts that I have enough material to listen to something different for all 366 days (don’t forget the added bonus of February 29th this year). For January 29th of this year, my selection was the To Be Perfectly Frank episode from January 29th, 1954. Besides crooning his own versions of “On The Sunny Side of The Street” & “Guess I’ll Hang My Tears Out To Dry”, Sinatra spun the wax version of Eileen Barton’s version of “Poco Loco In The Coco.” If you ask me, this should have been the hit because it’s a fun little number that jumps. Here it is:
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Well that’s it for me. I know that this is a little bit of an abrupt ending to this blahg but given the month I’ve had, I think I’m going to make “Poco Loco In The Coco” my theme song for the next little while.

Tags:Eileen Barton, False Ducks, FRANK SINATRA, Margaret Ann & The Jada Quartet, Scott Henderson
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THE WASHING MACHINE

Thursday, February 16th, 2012

Here we go, two weeks later and another blahg. Scott Henderson still thinks he's cool! These past few weeks have been filled with many trials and tribulations. I’ve been fighting with my father over his health and now the struggle has started with my mother. She has more aches and pains than anyone should have and more medication than anyone should legally own. Her Doctor is a quack and I don’t care who knows it. A late night call also resulted in a trip to the emergency room of the local hospital to deal with a gall-bladder attack with my mother which we thought was a heart attack. Her Doctor had misdiagnosed her or missed a diagnosis would be more accurate. The short of it is that I’m getting a new Doctor for my parents. Oh, and our Washing Machine went on the fritz.

This blahg is not going to be about medical tribulations but the struggle with our Washing Machine. I love my parents but I don’t want to air their medical history here…not yet anyway. Let me be clear, that our struggle with our Washing Machine wasn’t all that intense or prolonged. It just wouldn’t spin fast enough to release all the water from the clothes that had just been washed. It’s a Kenmore and we’ve had it for 8 years. I guess that’s pretty good in the term of Washing Machines but I was determined to don the handy-man hat and at least see if I couldn’t prolong the the life of the Machine.

You are probably wondering, at this point, why I keep capitalizing the word “Machine”. It’s simple. There are so many Machines in our lives and I’ve read so many stories and watched so many movies where the Machines eventually revolt. I’m being respectful. I don’t want Killdozer happening all over again. (By the way, that was a fun movie from my youth that I viewed again recently…from a short story by Theodore Sturgeon).

One thing you should know about me, is that I keep manuals for all of my appliances long after I no longer own the device. When the Washing Machine started to suffer slower spinning speeds I believed it was a belt and kept putting off replacing it. Finally, my wife prodded me enough to look up the model of our Machine and see if I couldn’t purchase a replacement belt. I thought this would be an easy task because the Internet is vast and convenient and I was sure I could find a replacement belt and instructions on how to replace it. Quick research however showed me that there was no belt in this model. I checked that against the manual and list of parts in my manuals pile and sure enough, there’s no belt. It’s all gear and motor driven in these confounded new devices (I didn’t really mean confounded in case anyone or anything is reading this).

My research via the Internet suggested that the poor spinning problem might be caused by one of three issues. The first was drive motor to transmission coupling sleeves. Original parts were all plastic or rubber but the replacements are metal for added strength. One website even had a video that showed how to access these to see if they needed replacing. I’m no repair person, and I bow to those who are, but the video was fairly simple and something I knew I could do with the help of my wife supervising (it would be foolish of me to suggest any other role for her to play…I bow to her too). The major obstacle would not be accessing the location of these parts but easily accessing the Washing Machine.

I’ll digress for a moment here because the location of our laundry pair is significant because it will play a bigger part in the resolution of the Washing Machine dilemma. Our bathroom has two closets. The rear closet contains linens and the front closet houses our Washer and Dryer. Both closets have bi-fold doors. Bi-Fold Door To Our Laundry Pair The linen closet has a single bi-fold door but the laundry closet has two bi-fold doors that meet in the middle. The laundry closet also contains a shelf with a hot water heater and all of the water and electrical hook-ups for the laundry duo. This limits the size of what Machines can fit in the closet and have the door closed. Width and height have never been issues but depth from back to front prevented us from…ah, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Removing the left bi-fold door from in front of the Washing Machine was fairly easy. It just required tilting the door and removing it from the tracks at top and bottom. Following the steps laid out in the video for the Washer, I was able to easily access the couplings I needed to inspect. The video suggested that the first thing I might notice would be rubber shavings beneath the machine as this occurs with time. There were no shavings on the floor and when I inspected the coupling components, I found that they were in good shape and didn’t need replacing. Step two required following another video, which I’ll detail momentarily, but it would require another day before I could get at this new part. The major problem was replacing the bi-fold door. I took 30 minutes, lots of jostling, and threats of injury, before my wife and I could re-secure the door.

As I said, the inspection of the second faulty part required another day. The main reason for this was that the part, a clutch assembly, was a little more expensive and a little more difficult to replace. The video for replacing this part suggested having a replacement clutch assembly on hand in case it needed to be replaced so that it did not need to be removed more than once. $70 later, I had the part, the bi-fold door was removed again, and my wife was supervising. I should note that when I purchased the part, I asked if I could return the part if I found that the original on the Machine did not need replacing and if I did not open the packaging. I was assured a full refund and was given further advice that the problem with my Washer might be a faulty transmission and that I was to look for a ring of oil around the inside of the Machine or to feel the bottom of the transmission to see if oil was leaking from there. This was good advice because I found a ring of oil around the Washer casing and it was leaking oil from the transmission. I did follow the video and check the clutch assembly but those parts looked fine. I returned the unopened new clutch assembly and received the full refund as promised. I also researched the cost of a new transmission and informed my wife we would needed a new Washing Machine. We left the bi-fold door off because we didn’t want to have to fight with it if we had to remove the old Washer and replace it with a newer model.

This is where things get complicated. If you thought repairing anything was difficult, barring the struggle with removing and replacing the bi-fold door the first time, then you should consider that researching the purchase of a new Washing Machine is much more difficult. We’ve always had a top loading machine but in the eight years since we purchased the Kenmore, front loading Washers have become more popular. We thought about updating the Washer to one of these fancy front loaders but of course it wouldn’t match our Inglis Dryer which is a normal Dryer that we have had for 3 years. We went first to view Washers at our local Future Shop. If you don’t know what a Future Shop is, it’s the Canadian version of Best Buy except the real Canadian version of Best Buy does not carry appliances. We had had success with Future Shop in the past and our Dishwasher, Dryer, Refrigerator, and Stove were all purchased there with great savings. The salesperson was very nice but of course he was pushing us towards a new LG front loading Machine and spouting the benefits of this type compared to the top loading Machines. Future Shop did not have any top loading Washers in the store. Oh, there was an empty spot in the appliance display where there had been a Whirlpool Washing Machine (model # WTW4800XQ) but they had none in stock and they had sold their floor model. This intrigued me because out of stock and selling the floor model suggested to me that this might be a very popular Machine. Certainly the price was right at $498 and Future Shop was going to pay all taxes…a savings of an additional $65.

The front loading LG Washing Machine that the salesperson suggested was also a good a model and a good deal with Future Shop paying the tax. We did like the look of it and the details about the Machine but we were concerned about the dimensions of the Washer. Height and width were fine but the depth was 32 inches and I wasn’t sure that this would fit where the old Washer was and that we could close the bi-fold door without hitting the front glass door of the Machine which sticks out a couple inches alone. This was our excuse to not make a purchase at Future Shop that day and to be able to go home and do a little more research.

Our excursion to Future Shop was on the afternoon of February 5th. I immediately came home and looked over the details of the LG Washing Machine they had in stock and the Whirlpool Washer that they couldn’t get us. Both had their merits and there were good reviews for both. The dimensions of the LG Machine suggested that it was going to be close when closing the bi-fold door. The door might bang into the front loading door or have an inch clearance. The dimensions of the Whirlpool Washer were well within range. I should add that the Whirlpool had an agitator which is significantly different to the high efficiency top loaders that are essentially front loaders turned on their back. Without an agitator in a top loading Machine then clothes don’t get as clean. In fact, I read a review for the Whirlpool by a University Professor where he “made a conclusion that a top load washer lasts longer than front load type, even though it is less eco friendly. (But if we have to change the washer frequently, is it eco friendly?)…this washer is extremely satisfactory and washes very well. Also washing cycles are much shorter than front load ones. So, even though it uses more water, it saves electricity and lasts longer (hopefully) in addition to lower price.” This review sold me on the Whirlpool.

Now we knew what type of Washing Machine we wanted but the problem was that Future Shop could not get us one. I visited Future Shop’s website and found that they did have one in stock in another store and they could ship it to us for an additional $90 but we would also be paying the tax not only on the Washer but on the delivery fee as well! That ended my long run of purchasing appliances from Future Shop. I then began to check the websites for other local stores that carried appliances. I found that our local Lowe’s carried the Whirlpool and the price was $448. This was $50 less than Future Shop but I would have to pay the taxes and it would cost me $8 more in the end than if I purchased it at Futures Shop if they had stock. Don’t get confused. The Future Shop in store price was $498 (including tax) but the online price with delivery and taxes was going to be $664. The Lowe’s deal was looking better and better.

It was still Sunday February 5th but by this time it was 5:20 PM. I telephoned Lowe’s and asked if they had the Whirlpool in stock. I was informed that they had two in stock and that the store closed at 6:00. We live 30 minutes way from Lowe’s so I motored into Belleville and got to the store at 5:45. Of course the person I spoke to on the phone had gone home but someone else told me they could sell me the Machine and they just had to retrieve it from the warehouse. I waited 25 minutes before two people came out, now the minutes past the time the store was to have closed, only to be told they couldn’t find the Washer. Their computer told them they had two in stock with one being the floor model. They suggested I come back the next day and speak to the head of the appliances department and that he might have better luck finding the Washing Machine. I thanked them for their effort and left the store. I still had the old Washer with the spinning problem but I had so wanted to come home with the new one.

I did not go back to Lowe’s the next day because I wanted to check and see if any other store had this Washing Machine in stock. I didn’t want to have to order one and wait a week to get it. I checked out the websites for Sears, Leon’s, The Brick, and Home Depot but none of them had the Washer in stock in their local stores. On Tuesday, February 7th, I visited the local Home Depot on an off-chance that they might have one in the store. They didn’t even have a floor model for this Washer! They did, however, have a sale on for all of their appliances where I could take an additional 10% off the ticket price. With this incentive, I began to look seriously at the Washing Machines on display at Home Depot. One, I really took a shine to was a front loader from Maytag, Model # MHWE400WW. I cannot remember the exact price but it was already discounted by $200 and with the 10% discount the price would be around $600. I wrote down the model number and went home to do more research on this Maytag.

I’m going to bring to a quick close this narrative about the Maytag MHWE400WW. The reviews were not good and the clincher for me to avoid this Machine was the following Youtube video showing the Washer, apparently possessed, vibrating violently and eventually attacking the Dryer. It was Killdozer again or maybe Killwasher.

We were still without a new Washing Machine. I wanted the Whirlpool but couldn’t get it. I then began to look at other top loading Washing Machines online with an agitator and with great reviews.
I came across a Washer made by General Electric, model # GTWN4450MWS. Almost all of the reviews I read for this Machine gave it a 4 star rating. The dimensions of the Machine were perfect and it had a glass lid so you could see what was going on inside the Washer. It had a new hydrowave technology concerning the agitator and I found another interesting Youtube video that let me see the Machine in action.

So now I had a model that interested me and I just had to track it down. Unfortunately, the only local store that carried this Washer was The Brick and their website could not tell me the price nor stock availability. On Wednesday, February 8th, I phoned my wife and asked her to meet me at The Brick after work to see this General Electric Washing Machine. I was surprised to find, when we got there, they actually had a floor model of the GTWN4450MWS. Also, across from that Washer was the Whirlpool we had been looking for.

Of course, when you start looking seriously at any appliance in a store like The Brick, a salesperson is going to approach you. He could sense that I was very keen on the GE Machine but my wife was eying the Whirlpool. The price of the GE Washer was $700 and the Whirlpool was $500. I inquired about availability only to find out that he could not get me the GE Washer for at least a week but I could have the Whirlpool in three days. I still didn’t want to wait and asked if he could sell me the floor model for the GE Washer. He went away to check on this and my wife began to extoll the virtues of the Whirlpool and the fact that it was $200 cheaper. The salesperson eventually returned and said he could knock $70 off the price of the GE floor model but my wife thought this was still not a great savings. I didn’t want to get into an argument in the store so I told the salesperson that my wife and I had to talk this over and we left The Brick to have this conversation. There was no conversation. My wife wanted the Whirlpool and the cheaper option than the GE Washer.

In the parking lot, we decided to go back to Lowe’s to see if they had found the Whirlpool. It had been three days since my last trip so it was more than likely that the Machine had been located. The head of the appliance department at Lowes, a nice woman, who was not the person I had spoken to on the phone on Sunday, informed us they had two in stock. She assisted me in ringing up the purchase and we waited while she went to retrieve the Washer from the Warehouse. Twenty-five minutes went by before she returned. She started her speech by saying the old phrase about good news and bad news. The bad news was they couldn’t locate the Machine that their computer database told them they should have. The good news was that their delivery transport had just arrived and there were four of the Whirlpool Washers on the truck. The other bad news was that it was going to take 45 minutes for them to unload the truck to get at the Washers. Again, I didn’t want to wait but I had already paid for the Machine. I decided I would come back the next day.

In all of this, I have neglected to mention that we have a Dodge Caravan and after paying for the Washer, before they came back to tell us the bad news-good news-bad news scenario, I had gone out to the van and removed the rear set of the van. I had to take the seat out and the spare tire and put them in the trunk of our station wagon. Remember, I had asked my wife to meet me in town so we did have two vehicles with us. The next day, I took the Caravan to Lowe’s and picked up the Whirlpool. This time it was there and with the absence of the rear seat from the van, the boxed Machine fit easily.

Now a note about the removal of the old Washer and the set-up of the new one. My friend who had accompanied me to Lowe’s to pick up the Washer insisted on telling me horror stories about Washing Machines and how installing a new one usually ended in injury or divorce. I didn’t ask him to come home with me to help with the installation. The quick summary is that I disconnected the old Washer by myself, wheeled it on a dolly through the house and back porch, and put in in our driveway. My son then assisted me in removing the Whirlpool from the van and putting it in the washroom. I quickly removed the Machine from the box, located the manual, and installed the Whirlpool. It was so simple. Note to all: read the manual. The step by step instructions were perfect and to my luck, when I went to level the machine, I found that it was already perfectly level. No fuss. No bother.

There were a couple of things I discovered about the Whirlpool Washing Machine that I did not know. The Washer lid locks when the Machine is in use. You can push the pause button to open the lid but the Machine will not wash or spin while the lid is open. It’s like a leap of faith. You have to trust that the Washer knows what it’s doing and that the clothes you put into the Machine are going to come out cleaner than they went it. I haven’t been disappointed there. The Machine also takes about two minutes before any water starts to fill the drum. This happens because it’s going through a load balancing act. This scared me initially when I first tried to use the Washer as I thought maybe I had forgotten to turn the water back on. All in all it’s been a very reliable machine this past week and we obviously made a good choice.

Two more notes about the Whirlpool and I’m done. The first is the box it came in has been a nice surprise for my youngest daughter and one our cats. It’s currently in our dining room while they imagine, explore, and play to their hearts content. The other note is not about this Washing Machine but about the Kenmore that we replaced. The day after I took out the old Washer, I put it out to the road with a “FREE” sign on it and some details about the spinning problem. By the end of the day, the Washer was gone. I didn’t see who took it but it’s probably gone for scrap. I later learned that the Kenmore parts were all manufactured by Whirlpool. I didn’t really replace the Kenmore with a Whirlpool. I had owned a Whirlpool all the time and didn’t know it. No matter, it all comes out in the wash after all.

Tags:Future Shop, GE, Kenmore, Lowe's, Scott Henderson, The Brick, Washing Machine, Whirlpool
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