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A BAKER’S DOZEN MORE FOUND VINYL RECORDS

Monday, April 24th, 2023

Little did I know that when I published my first False Ducks blahg, THE BLAHG & THE MOST HAPPY SOUND in October of 2011 that I’d not only be writing new blahgs almost twelve years later but also be continuing to reintroduce forgotten music. In that first blahg I posted about an album by Margaret Ann & The Ja-Da Quartet with the title “The Most Happy Sound.” I offered tracks from the album and some 45 rpm singles by the group. In previous other blahgs such as 12 MONTHS -12 RECORDS – 12 SONGS, 12 MONTHS – 12 MORE RECORDS – 12 MORE SONGS, and my most recent blahg, MORE VINYL & THE GHOST OF THE TURNING POINT I offered up songs from records I had purchased at thrift stores or in used record shops. That most recent blahg also quoted me as saying “I’m only going to post about 7 right now but I’ll look through the stack near my stereo and see if I can do a part two for this blahg.” Well this is that part two…sort of.

I did go through all of the records stacked up around my stereo and I did find some more records that I hadn’t posted about. I found 10 records that have never received a mention in any of my blahgs and I purchased three more records over the weekend. Here’s the rundown with the first ten being previous thrift store purchases and the last three being my most recent acquisitions:

–Les Brown Jr. – Wildest Drums Yet!
–Omega Jazz Band
–Beverly Kenney – Born To Be Blue
–Pete Daily’s Dixieland Band
–Frank Traynor’s Jazz Preachers
–Climax Jazz Band Volume 1 Stereo
–Lester Lanin and His Orchestra – The Madison Avenue Beat
–Willis Jackson Quintet – Please Mr. Jackson
–Drumsticks – Trumpets – And Dixieland
–Golden Era of Dixieland Jazz
–Dukes of Dixieland – Come To The Cabaret
–Tony Pastor Meets Ike Carpenter
–The Greatest White Trumpeter of All Time Bunny Berigan

I love vinyl records. Some of these old Orchestra and Dixieland Band albums have never seen reissues on CDs or more likely some of the songs appeared in huge volume sets that cost a lot more than the $2.99 a piece I paid for the above records. That price has gone up over the years. Value Village, a big thrift store here in Canada, used to charge $1.99 but $2.99 seems to be their new norm. I can still find some records for $1 at smaller thrift stores but sometimes the records are not in great shape. I try not to purchase anything that skips or if the jacket is split all around. In this blahg, you’re in for some treats. There may be some scratchy sounds or pops and clicks but that’s the allure of vinyl. Enjoy!

First up is Les Brown Jr. with his album, “Wildest Drums Yet!” This is on the Crescendo label.

In researching Les Brown Jr., I discovered that he passed away on January 9th of this year, 2023. Here’s the Variety obituary for him:

Les Brown Jr., a musician whose entertainment career also included acting, writing, directing and producing, died of cancer Jan. 9 at his home in Branson, Mo, his family announced. He was 82.

Brown Jr. was the son of composer and band leader Les Brown Sr., who led Les Brown and His Band of Renown. After the death of his father in 2001, Brown became the full-time leader of his father’s band, continuing to perform throughout the world and in a regular big band show in Branson, Mo.

In his youth, Brown Jr. also worked as an actor on many TV shows and films, including “Gunsmoke,” “Lassie,” “General Hospital,” “F-Troop,” “The Lucy Show,” “Green Acres,” “Gilligan’s Island,” “Wild, Wild Winter” and “The Baileys of Balboa,” the latter in which he had a co-starring role as Jim Bailey.

His extensive music career began with the solo album “Wildest Drums Yet!” and included being the drummer and vocalist for his band the Rockin’ Foo, performing with the likes of Carlos Santana during his touring days. He was also a concert promoter and record producer for jazz and country music artists including Merle Haggard, Shirley Jones, Doris Day, Mickey Gilley, The Lettermen and Loretta Lynn.

He later hosted a national radio show on the “Music of Your Life” network, and most recently a show titled after the Band of Renown on SiriusXM’s 40s Junction.

Brown Jr. was born in New York City in 1940 to Les and Claire Brown. He will be remembered for his love of horseback riding, sports cars and his dog, Romeo.

Brown Jr. is survived by his wife of 21 years, Alexa Brown, daughter Emily Cabral, son Christopher Brown, grandchildren McCoy, Winden and Soleil Brown, stepson Blake Worrell, stepdaughters Kelli and Erin Ellis, sister Denise Marsh-Jordan, nephews Jeff Marsh and Michael Lyons, cousins Teri Brown and Bruce Brown and uncle Clyde Brow.

Now, if you spotted the reference to Gilligan’s Island in the obituary then you’re probably wondering about that. Les Brown Jr. appeared as the drummer Bingo for the musical band “The Mosquitoes.” Remember Bingo, Bango, Bongo, and Irviving? Here’s a clip of that fictional band performing “Don’t Bug Me” & “He’s A Loser” from that Gilligan’s Island episode:

From the album “Wildest Drums Yet!” here is “One Mint Julep”:

And the title track, “Wildest Drums Yet”:

Moving on down the list, we come to the Omega Jazzband. I don’t know much about this band so I’d normally direct anyone to the rear cover of the album to learn more. Here are the front and rear covers:

Yes, you probably have noticed that the rear cover liner notes are in German. Here’s the Google translation:

This LP was created in March 1973. Recording time: 3 days. Tape consumption: 3800m. Consumption of drinks: 5 crates of beer. 3 bottles of whiskey. 2 bottles of vodka. 10 liters apple schnapps. Contributors to the Recordings: Omega Jazz Band. Sound engineer: Peter Wagner. Production: James Fruchtnicht. Peter Wagner. Omega jazz band.

John Hendrik from Rias Berlin had written a query looking for the most popular Berlin jazz band. Result: No. 1: Omega jazz band. This result will not surprise connoisseurs and fans, because the happy jazz, which the group has been playing for 12 years, inspires every listener anew.

The band has been playing together for 6 years with Michael (Mike) Littbarski trumpet, Wolfgang Banaskiwitz clarinet, sax, vocals, Cordes Hauer trombone, vocals, Karsten Krempien banjo, vocals, Manfred (Duddi) Duttkowski bass and Hagen Kauffman drums, percussion .

Many titles are from the so-called 20s and 30s. The arrangements are clear and concise, but very modern and cheerfully packaged. “Being there” is everything for the group as well as for the listener. Fixed venues in Berlin are the Eiershell, the Leierkasten, the Quasimodo, the Latin Quarter and Shop Pop. Apart from guest appearances in Sweden and France, the band plays in almost all German cities.

Band leader is Hagen Kauffmann. He collects and smokes pipes, is usually always in a good mood, knows all the bars in Berlin and drums with a beard.

Mike Littbarski is the musical leader of the group. He plays about 500 pieces, loves vodka, coca, pizza, women, needs little sleep and adores Louis Armstrong.

Wolfgang Banaskiwitz, on the other hand, needs a lot of sleep. He likes to eat well, loves France in addition to his music and plays with a beard.

The only pedestrian is Cordes Hauer. He collects wire-rimmed glasses and antique dolls, adores Eddie Condon jazz and sings with a beard.

Karsten Krempien is a wild car driver. Besides dents, he also collects banjos. He likes to eat, but drinks even more and makes sure the group is in good spirits. He also sings with a beard.

Manfred Duttkowski is the bass man -a hobbyist of stature. He always has his tool box with him.

When listening to this record, something of the good mood and the cheerful music will surely stick in the listener.

So, what have we learned? This is a German band and a number of the musicians have beards. Oh, and they had been playing for 12 years. There is a CD that compiles tracks from four of their albums with the title “30 Years of Music.” Unfortunately I don’t know if the 30 years is from 1973 or when they first started playing together 12 years before that.

I did find an image for a music festival poster in 1970 that mentions the Omega Jazzband:

So what about their music? I found it reminiscent of an album I discussed in a previous blahg, ZOEY, FRANK, JUNE & ALL THAT JAZZ. The album was “Radio” by Borgy’s Banjo Reunion. That album actually came out in 1974 so maybe it was inspired by the Omega Jazzband. It’s pleasant enough but I find it a little heavy on the banjo and kazoo in spots. Here are a couple of samples. First up is “Everybody Loves Saturday Night” with a vocal.

I’m also going to offer up “Ice Cream” which I find myself singing lately but not the version by Omega Jazzband. That song will be included later in this blahg but performed by a different band.

Beverly Kenney was not someone with whom I was familiar. The album cover for “Born To Be Blue” struck me as seductive and sultry and I’m a sucker for vocals by singers that were previously unknown to me.

In researching Beverly Kenney, I discovered that her life was short and sad. Here are some excerpts from her Wikipedia entry:

Beverly Kenney (January 29, 1932, Harrison, New Jersey – April 13, 1960, Greenwich Village, New York City) was an American jazz singer.

Kenney’s career began as a birthday singer for Western Union. After moving to New York City, she recorded a demo tape in 1954 with Tony Tamburello (the demo was released in its entirety in 2006 under the title Snuggled on Your Shoulder).

By the end of the year, she moved to Miami and worked regularly at the Black Magic Room. For several months she toured with Jimmy and Tommy Dorsey’s Dorsey Brothers Orchestra before returning to New York. Kenney said “Tommy and Jimmy liked me, but they thought I was too much of a stylist for the band. After a few months on the road, I left, and returned to New York,” where she sang in clubs with George Shearing, Don Elliott, and Kai Winding.

Between 1956 and 1960, Kenney recorded three albums for Royal Roost and three for Decca. Her first release, Beverly Kenney Sings for Johnny Smith (1956), was recorded when she was 24 and backed by a quartet led by jazz guitarist Johnny Smith. She then began a residency at Birdland accompanied by the Lester Young Quintet. Her TV exposure consisted of one appearance on The Steve Allen Show on May 18, 1958, performing a song she wrote, “I Hate Rock ‘n’ Roll” and one appearance on Playboy’s Penthouse, where Kenney coaxed host Hugh Hefner into joining her to sing “Makin’ Whoopee”.

Kenney attempted suicide twice and succeeded the third time ingesting a combination of alcohol and Seconal on April 12, 1960, in a one room apartment in the University Residence Hotel located at 45 East 11th Street in Greenwich Village, Manhattan, New York.

Very tragic indeed. A beautiful voice who obviously struggled with mental health and possibly addictions. Here’s a video of her during happier times on “Playboy’s Penthouse” and yes you do get to view the duet she did with Hugh Hefner.

Fresh Sound Records have issued many of her albums on CDs with bonus tracks. You can check out her artist page at https://www.freshsoundrecords.com/search?controller=search&orderby=position&orderway=desc&search_query=beverly+kenney&submit_search=

I think I’ll let her music now speak for itself. Most of the tracks on “Born To Be Blue” are very lush and Beverly’s voice evokes a sadness that was probably representative of her life. Give a listen to the title track “Born To Be Blue”:

I like the whole album but there are moments of tenderness that are not as depressing and Beverly herself mentions on the liner notes she really wanted to do “Beyond The Next Hill” which is a more hopeful tune.

Okay, let’s move on with something more upbeat. It’s back to Dixieland with Pete Daily’s Dixieland Band

I noticed from the liner notes on the back cover that the musicians varied on some of the tracks. This album was released in 1950 and might have been a compilation but no other details are available. Let’s get back to swinging with the old chestnut, “When The Saints Go Marching In”:

I’ll slow it down ever so slightly with a song titled “I Want To Linger.” And yes wouldn’t we all like to linger longer with this band on a sunny day?

Keeping with the Jazz but travelling back around the world, we’re going to draw on Australia and hear from Frank Traynor’s Jazz Preachers with their self-titled 1967 album.

Here’s a little bit of information about Frank Traynor from his Wikipedia entry:

Frank Traynor (8 August 1927 – 22 February 1985) was an Australian jazz musician, trombonist and entrepreneur based in Melbourne. He led Australia’s longest continuously running jazz band, the Jazz Preachers, from 1956 until his death in 1985. He founded the Melbourne Jazz Club in 1958. He founded and ran Frank Traynor’s Folk and Jazz Club (1963–75), which played a central role in the Australian folk revival.

The album I’m presenting was only issued in Australia and Canada in 1967. Lucky then, I’m in Canada and found this copy. Here are a couple other finds regarding Frank Traynor. YouTube has a couple of videos of Judith Durham singing with Frank Traynor’s Jazz Preachers. The first is “Trombone Frankie” from 1963:

Next up is Judith Durham and Traynor’s Preachers performing “Jelly Bean Blues”:

Judith Durham passed away in August of 2022 at the age of 79 but from the 1967 album “Frank Traynor’s Jazz Preachers” I’m going to start off with a song that I posted earlier in this blahg by the Omega Jazzband. The song is Ice Cream but this time it’s all Frank Traynor’s Jazz Preachers:

I guess you can see that a lot of the records in this blahg fall into the Jazz or Dixieland Jazz category. I’m crazy about Jazz that way so why not post a song that reflects that? So here’s “The World’s Jazz Crazy, Lord” with a vocal by Helen Violaris:

I’m going to fly back home again to Canada and post the next album from a strictly Canadian jazz band. This time it’s The Climax Jazz Band:

I hope you noticed that the front cover has signatures from some of the band members. There’s Bob Erwig, Bruce Bakewell, Juergen Hesse, Jack Vincken, and Chris Daniels. There are other signatures by Joseph “Corn Bread” Thomas, someone known only as Stephen, and one I can’t make out. Click on the image for a larger version to see the signatures. This album like the Omega Jazzband is also from 1973. There’s a video on YouTube with photos and music by The Climax Jazzband performing “Bloor Street Breakdown.” Here’s part of the description for that video that includes a little bit of history of the band:

It all started on Bloor Street West in Toronto. In 1971 Albert Nightingale, the owner of the Olde Brunswick House placed an ad for a dixieland band for 6 nights a week. Bassist Chris Daniels and trombonist Geoff Holmes applied and The Climax Jazz Band was born. We replaced an act of wrestling dwarfs. A jazzband obviously sounded to be able to become more popular in the general student neighbourhood of the University of Toronto. For about 5 years we played there 6 nights a week in Albert’s Hall. The Canadian Talent Library decided to issue a LP and we all went in the Toronto RCA studios to record. In this clip I play the only tune from this album that I composed. With Albert’s Hall being our basis our band took off in many directions, more recordings, several trips to New Orleans and the start of being part of the international jazz festival circuit. We met many famous musicians and we became the band to record the pilot shows for the TV jazz programs hosted by Peter Appleyard. The permanent personnel in the band at that time consisted of Chris Daniels bass, Geoff Holmes trombone, Bob Erwig cornet, Bruce Bakewell clarinet, Juergen Hesse banjo and Graig Barrett drums.

Here’s the video for “Bloor Street Breakdown”:

In 2000, the CD “The Climax Jazz Band – The Early Years 1973-1975” was released on the Tormax label. It included selections from their first three recordings: “Climax Jazz Band Volume One Stereo”, “The Climax Jazz Band, The Entertainers”, and “I Can’t Escape From You, The Climax Jazz Band Featuring Ken Colyer.” It reproduced the iconic cover from their first album and the liner notes included a little more about the history of the band. The images below are from that CD and you click on them to view a larger image.

I’m going to work a little backwards with tracks from this album because the final track is “Introductory Blues” and they introduce the members of the band. In my mind, that should have been the first track of the album.

The introductory track on side one is a song called “Tight Like That” which seems in keeping with a band with the word “Climax” in their name.

I’m going to sneak in one more track by this Canadian group, not because they are Canadian and I’m showing any sense of national pride, but because it’s “Ice Cream” and why not offer up a third version of this song from yet a third country? We had a version from Germany with the Omega Jazzband, a version from Australia by Frank Traynor’s Jazz Preachers and finally The Climax Jazz Band from Canada with their rendition.

And now for something really novel. Here’s the album “The Madison Avenue Beat” by Lester Lanin and His Orchestra.

From the back: “Have Fun Listening and Dancing to 58 Radio and TV Commercial Favorites.” There are 16 tracks on this album with the Orchestra swinging the music from jingles for companies such as Pillsbury, Kelloggs, Gillette, Colgate, and the Ford Motor Company just to name a few. I’m not sure if you can dance to the tunes but it’s fun listening. There’s some strange product pairings here. Take this for example for “Chiquita Banana & Beechnut Coffee”. Those two as a combined flavour don’t appeal to me but the music sure does bounce.

Or how about a combination of “Post; Dutch Masters; Mott’s; Tetley”? Cereal, Cigars, Apple Sauce and Tea? Yum!

The next album is showing its manners by including “Please” in the title. Here we have the Willis Jackson Quintet with “Please Mr. Jackson.” “Please Mr. Jackson” is the debut album by saxophonist Willis Jackson. It featured Willis Jackson on saxophone, organist Jack McDuff and guitarist Bill Jennings, as well as Alvin Johnson on drums and Tommy Porter on bass. It was recorded and released in 1959 on the Prestige label.

This is what I call cool jazz. There are only six track on the album and they range from 4 minutes to 8 and a half. Give a listen to “Cool Grits” being the longest track on the album:

We don’t have any Ice Cream but we do have this great Quintet and if asked nicely “Please Mr. Jackson” they will kindly play the title track.

“Drumsticks – Trumpets – And Dixieland.” How’s that for a title? Unfortunately that’s about all you get with this album. Take a look at the front cover:

The front cover lists songs performed but also an ensemble of artists such as Buster Bailey, Vic Dickenson, Marty Napoleon, Arvell Shaw, Rex Stewart, George Wettling, “Pee Wee” Irwin, Claude Hopkins, Milt Hinton. The rear cover only lists other albums that appeared on the International Award Series label. We don’t get a date for this album nor any other information than the musicians and the track listing. Did they perform together or as one collective band? I don’t know. All I know is that there’s Drum Sticks, Trumpets, and it’s Dixieland. I guess I’ll have to settle for that. From the album here is “High Society”:

All of the other songs on this album are Dixieland classics so I’ll offer up the only song I didn’t recognize by title, “Late Date”:

Here’s another album with very few details. Here is “Golden Era of Dixieland Jazz”:

The group doesn’t seem to have a name but there are some familiar names among the musicians. Claude Hopkins, Pee Wee Erwin, Vic Dickenson, Buster Bailey, Milt Hinton, George Wettling all performed on the “Drumsticks – Trumpets – And Dixieland” album mentioned above. The only other thing I know is that the album was released in 1957. It covers songs from 1887 to 1937 and then is released 20 years later in 1957. I think my math is right. Who cares, I was an English major.

When comparing “Golden Era of Dixieland Jazz” against “Drumsticks – Trumpets – And Dixieland” I found that both albums had six songs all the same with the same running time. When I listened to them, they were exactly the same. The only two songs on “Golden Era of Dixieland Jazz” that do not appear on “Drumsticks – Trumpets – And Dixieland” are the last two songs on Side B, “I Would Do Anything For You” and “Birth Of The Blues.” I guess I know which two songs I’m offering. Here’s “I Would Do Anything For You”:

And finally “Birth Of The Blues”:

And now we come to the three albums I purchased last weekend. The first is the Dukes of Dixieland with “Come To The Cabaret”.

Here’s a little history about “The Dukes of Dixieland”:

The Dukes of Dixieland was an American, New Orleans “Dixieland”-style revival band, originally formed in 1948 by brothers Frank Assunto, trumpet; Fred Assunto, trombone; and their father Papa Jac Assunto, trombone and banjo. Their first records featured Jack Maheu, clarinet; Stanley Mendelsohn, piano; Tommy Rundell, drums; and Barney Mallon, tuba and string bass.

Fred and Frank Assunto both died young, and the original Dukes of Dixieland disbanded in the early 1970s. In April 1974, producer/manager John Shoup restarted the Dukes of Dixieland with Connie Jones as leader, leased Louis Prima’s nightclub atop the Monteleone Hotel in the French Quarter and renamed it “Duke’s Place”. The Dukes of Dixieland have not been affiliated with the Assunto family since 1974. The Assunto family has denied giving away permission to use the band name with the new line-ups, none of which have included any of the original musicians.

Luckily, this album was released in 1967 so the musicians should mostly be the original members. As far as I know, this album has never been released on CD but there are a lot of fun tracks on this album. I’m going to start first with the last track, “Hellzapoppin'”:

Here’s a recommendation for everybody from the first track,”Don’t Sleep In The Subway”:

This next album is not even an album at all. It was not recorded as an album and despite the title, “Tony Pastor Meets Ike Carpenter”, the two do not perform together.

The rear cover only mentions other albums on the Camay label. I became a fan of Tony Pastor when I was researching Linda Keene’s stint with Pastor which I detailed in TRACING LINDA KEENE, PART 2: THE MOMENT IN MY LIFE. I have since purchased a couple of CDs of his released on the Circle label and the Collectors’ Choice Music label featuring live performances with a young Rosemary Clooney. I highly recommend them. So, when I saw this album, I thought I’d pick it up. I didn’t know who Ike Carpenter was but it didn’t matter because he doesn’t perform with Pastor. The curio here is that all of these performances are taken from Snader Telescriptions. These were short films of musical performances intended as television filler in the early days of television. Dozens of artists were presented and hundreds of films were made. From Wikipedia:

Snader Telescriptions, produced for television from 1950 to 1952, were film versions of popular and classical music performances. Singers, dancers, orchestras, and novelty acts appeared in the Snader musicals. They were produced by Louis D. Snader, a Southern California theater owner who branched out into television and then real estate.

I found a much more detailed information source for the Snader Telescriptions from a website dedicated to the discography of Peggy Lee. It’s very extensive and informative and you can check it out here: https://peggyleediscography.com/p/LeeResearchSnader.php. It even details the release of Telescription audio on the Camay lable.

Here is one of the Tony Pastor songs that appears on the album but is actually the Telescription as posted on YouTube:

Here’s the actual track from the album by comparison:

Here’s another of Tony Pastor’s telescriptions that is represented on the album. This time it’s “Margie”:

And here’s the audio track from the album:

I’ll present one more song from the album by Tony Pastor with an unknown female singer. I could not find any more information nor could I find the telescription video. The song is “Kiss Me”

To be fair to Ike Carpenter, I’ll present a couple of tracks by his Orchestra. I could not find the telescription video for either of these but I had found references to the fact that Carpenter was indeed filmed for the Snader Telescriptions. The first is “It’s The Talk Of The Town” with an unknown male singer:

And here’s Ike Carpenter and his Orchestra with an unknown female singer and backup voices on “Love That Boy”:

Finally we come to the last album in my baker’s dozen. This is a compilation album of old Bunny Berigan tracks that was put out on the Sandy Hook label in 1982. It has the dubious title of “The Greatest White Trumpeter of All Time.”

I don’t know if the claim of “Greatest White Trumpeter” still holds but I’d have to nominate Billy Butterfield, Ruby Braff, and Bob Scobey. I featured a Butterfield track in my second blahg about multiple found records, 12 MONTHS & 12 MORE RECORDS & 12 MORE SONGS and did a whole blahg about Bob Scobey in WHAT ON EARTH IS SCOBEYFAN? I haven’t discussed Ruby Braff but I recently purchased a double Ruby Braff CD, “The Canadian Sessions” so maybe I’ll talk about Ruby Braff in the future.

This Bunny Berigan album is not the only Berigan LP in my collection. I’m a huge collector of Frank Sinatra and I have quite a number of records of Sinatra and Tommy Dorsey and Bunny Berigan was part of Dorsey’s Orchestra during some of the time Sinatra was with Dorsey. Here are a couple of albums from my Sinatra collection that not only feature Berigan but feature Berigan specifically in the tracks and in the record title. The first is on the Fanfare Records label and includes live broadcast tracks.

The second is on the Jazz Archives label with the title of “Through The Years:”

I won’t post about Berigan’s tragically short life, he was only 33 when he died, but I will let the music speak for itself. I found a couple of old short films on YouTube with Berigan that show him playing the trumpet as well as singing. The first is taken from a Vitaphone short called “Mirrors” from 1934 featuring Freddie Rich and his Orchestra. At the 45 second mark you can see Berigan playing his trumpet.

The clip above is taken from the full Vitaphone short and if you want to see the full version, which for no great reason has been colourized, then you can check it out here:

The second video I found is also of Freddie Rich and His Orchestra from a 1936 short titled “Song Hits On Parade”. It’s a medley of three songs, “You Can’t Pull The Wool Over My Eyes”, “Until Today”, and “Tiger Rag.” Berigan is featured prominently on “Until Today” playing his trumpet and lending his pleasing vocal to the song.

Okay, now some tracks from the Sandy Hook album, “The Greatest White Trumpeter of All Time.” First up is “Running Wild.” This is a song that became associated with Marilyn Monroe when she performed it in the film, “Some Like It Hot.” From October 22, 1936, here’s Berigan’s version:

Although there are no vocals by Berigan on the album, we do have vocals on a couple of songs by Gail Reese and one with Dick Wharton doing the singing. Here’s Gail Reese and Bunny Berigan on “It’s Wonderful”:

The last track I’ll feature from this album is the one with Dick Wharton singing Hoagy Carmichael’s “Stardust.” Listen to Berigan’s horn on this one. What a thrill!

That’s it for this baker’s dozen batch. I’ll keep on buying records when I find them and I’ll post about them. After all, found music that’s really good truly is The Most Happy Sound. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

Tags:Beverly Kenney, Bunny Berigan, Climax Jazz Band, Dixieland, Frank Traynor, Frank Traynor's Jazz Preachers, Jr., Les Brown, Lester Lanin, Omega Jazzband, Scott Henderson, Scott Henderson. False Ducks, The Dukes of Dixileand, Tony Pastor, Willis Jackson
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MORE VINYL & THE GHOST OF THE TURNING POINT

Wednesday, March 29th, 2023

Here I go being late with another blahg. Really, I had an excuse. I’ve been working hard to finish the last of the audio podcasts for my book, “Pippa’s Passing.” Also, after living with the book for six months I decided that there was another ending or continued ending that was begging to be told. That made a 21st chapter and I wanted to finish writing it and then create an audio podcast of the alternate/continued ending. I have begun posting the podcasts on various sites. So far 17 chapters are available from wherever you stream podcasts. Here are links to some of them:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pippas-passing/id1677898737?ign-mpt=uo%3D4&mt=2

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2xVZwJaI60VflRZTXaSOOH

https://www.audible.ca/pd/Pippas-Passing-Podcast/B0BYV211CC?qid=1679495429&sr=1-1&ref=a_search_c3_lProduct_1_1&pf_rd_p=b278ed0a-c3b2-4491-808c-7cb2190a487c&pf_rd_r=DYK9XZ95DVYDZ3684VPK&pageLoadId=osNGLY5Vv3qxvIPu&creativeId=0d6f6720-f41c-457e-a42b-8c8dceb62f2c

https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/f11c6714-419f-4033-aad6-15cfb125eaf9/pippa’s-passing

In previous blahgs like 12 MONTHS -12 RECORDS -12 SONGS and 12 MONTHS – 12 MORE RECORDS – 12 MORE SONGS, I posted about records I had purchased over a period of time and then shared some tracks from the albums. I thought I would revisit that theme. Over the past year I’ve probably purchased another 12 or more records from thrift stores or record stores and haven’t shared any of it. I’m about to rectify that by posting about some recent additions. I’m only going to post about 7 right now but I’ll look through the stack near my stereo and see if I can do a part two for this blahg. So here we go, in no particular order. Okay, there is going to be one particular order and that will be the last album that I will post about at the end after a ghost story.

The first up is an album called “Ben Bagley’s Irving Berlin Revisited.” This was released in 1967 on the MGM Records label. The reason why I purchased it was that I’m a huge fan of the late great jazz artist Blossom Dearie. The album features two songs by her that I had never heard.

From the album here is Blossom Dearies singing on “It’ll Come To You”:

The second selection of Blossom Dearie from this album is “Wild About You”:

Next up is a mix between dixieland and ragtime. It’s “Those Fantastic Charleston Years” by the The Charleston Hot Peppers. This was put out on the Polydor label in 1962.

From that album are two selections, with the first being the title track “Charleston” :

When my daughter heard the above track she said it reminded her of “It’s A Wonderful Life” with Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed dancing on the gymnasium floor as it opened up to reveal a swimming pool beneath and Stewart and Reed eventually fall into the water. Great scene and a great memory.

And now we have “When Buddha Smiles”:

It’s back to the vocals again but this time it’s Mel Tormé. I have posted links to Mel in previous blahgs such as THIS IS 100, PART TWO and MY UNBELIEVABLE LIFE- STARRING ME. I didn’t used to be a big fan of Mel’s but I remember when my children were younger we went camping and we had a portable radio. A station we listened to did a respective that evening of Mel Tormé and I was hooked. When I was in Ottawa recently, I picked up the album “Mel Tormé Loves Fred Astaire.” That’s part of the ghost story I will tell later but right now it’s about the music and Mel. This album is a reissue on the Bethlehem label from 1977.

The original album was “Mel Tormé Sings Fred Astaire” issued on Bethlehem in 1956. Still, it’s Mel Tormé and up first is a swinger with Mel singing “Something’s Gotta Give”:

Let’s slow things down and listen to Mel sing “A Foggy Day:”

It’s time to swing again and we’re back to dixieland, “Real Dixieland!”, an album by the Rampart Street Paraders.

This album actually appears to be a compilation of tracks taken from two other albums, “Rampart And Vine” (1955), and “Dixieland, My Dixieland” (1956) both on the Columbia label. I’m going to start things off with “Sugar (That Sugar Baby O’ Mine)” from the Rampart and Vine album:

And now one that swings, from the “Dixieland, My Dixieland” album, here’s “After You’ve Gone”:

Continuing on with the Dixieland theme, I want to talk a little about The Firehouse Five Plus Two. Here’s a quote about this band from the Wikipedia entry:

The Firehouse Five Plus Two was a Dixieland jazz band, popular in the 1950s, consisting of members of the Disney animation department. Leader and trombonist Ward Kimball was inspired to form the band after spending time with members of the Disney animation and sound department and finding that they had a lot in common as jazz aficionados. The lunchtime chats escalated into a full on lunchtime jam session as Kimball, an amateur trombonist, and animator Frank Thomas, a pianist, would find they “sounded pretty good all by ourselves.”

The band was also formative in creating the Good Time Jazz label under fellow aficionado Lester Koenig, who managed all the band’s releases from 1940’s The Firehouse Five Plus Two Story, Volume 1 to 1970’s Live at Earthquake McGoon’s. Walt Disney was approving of the band, letting them play at the company’s Christmas parties, at Disneyland, and other social functions, on the single condition that they never fully leave their jobs at the studio.

I think I may have another Firehouse Five Plus Two album somewhere so I’ll look around and see what I have and maybe post about it in the future. Maybe I just bought the same album again. Who knows? Obviously, I don’t! The album I picked up recently at a thrift store in Ottawa is “The Firehouse Five Story, Vol. 2”.

First up is a jazzy song that asks the question, “Who Walks In When I Walk Out?”

Of course, if you’re going to have a song by the Firehouse Five Plus Two then you have to have a song associated with a Firehouse. Here’s “Firechief Rag”:

The next album from which I want to offer up samples is one I picked up at a local pawn shop in Belleville. Greenbacks Pawnshop has a huge selection of used records. I picked up the 1962 album “Billy Eckstine & Quincy Jones – At Basin Street East” for $10.

“Billy Eckstine does some fabulous singing on this album backed by the Quincy Jones Orchestra. The very first track on the album is a favourite of mine entitled “Alright, Okay, You Win”:

I often catch myself singing “Alright, Okay, You Win” because I remember seeing Joe Williams sing this on a tribute to Frank Sinatra back in 1990. Check out this video of Joe Williams’ performance:

This next selection from “Billy Eckstine & Quincy Jones – At Basin Street East” is a bit of a cheat because I can offer up four songs because they’re all included in a Duke Ellington medley. Here are “Don’t Get Around Much Anymore”, “I’m Just A Lucky So And So”, “Caravan”, and “Sophisticated Lady”:

Now for the Ghost Story. In the middle of March this year, I took a week of holidays and over a couple of days, my wife and I went to Ottawa to visit a friend and to check out record, dvd, and thrift store haunts. One of the places I love to visit is “The Turning Point” which has a large selection of used DVDs and records. Here’s a shot of the store from the front:

In case you couldn’t tell from the photo, they profess to being “Ottawa’s #1 CD Store”, “Ottawa’s #1 Record Store”, and “Ottawa’s #1 DVD Store.” Oh yeah, and they’re haunted! True story. I think my friend Bryan and I were there about 5 or so years ago and the owner mentioned it to us at the time but I don’t think I ever believed him. Now, I’m a believer.

Here’s a shot of the upstairs where they keep all of their used records:

Notice that all of the records are stacked upright and the centre aisle has trays of these stacked records. I had gone through one section looking for some Billy Joel and Bruce Springsteen that my son didn’t already own but to no avail. I ended up picking up the Mel Tormé record I mentioned earlier in this blahg. When I go to record stores I’m also on the hunt for old Dixieland Jazz albums so I had just walked past one of these trays of stacked records and I said aloud to my wife “I wonder if there’s any Dixieland Jazz around here.” Suddenly, half of one of the stacks flipped forward and because I was facing the rear of the stack that was flipped, I ended up seeing the back cover of this album:

Needless to say, I was a little taken aback but was determined to buy this record recommended by a ghost. The official title of the album is “New Orleans Dixieland Superstar Jazz Artists” by, of course, New Orleans Dixieland Superstar Jazz Artists. Here’s the front cover:

I don’t know the year of the record but research suggests that Shalom Records operated between the late 1960s to sometime in the 70s. After finding this treasure, I went downstairs to pay for my purchases and to tell the owner about my encounter with the ghost. He wasn’t surprised in the least. He said this sort of things happens a lot and sometimes it’s a very convenient ghost. The owner said on a number of occasions someone would come into the store and ask for something the store didn’t have but then the very next day someone would bring the item in. That too, happened more than the owner cared to say. Well, it worked in his favour and mine because I now own this record and can offer up selections. The first is a number with a vocal by Sweet Emma Barrett on “Sister Kate”:

Unfortunately there are no songs on this album with ‘ghost’ or ‘spirit’ in the title but we do get “The Saints” which is of course the great dixieland standard, “When The Saints Go Marching In.”

That’s it for this time. I don’t know if there really is a Ghost at The Turning Point but I’d like to think there is or else the owner has an invisible helper. Okay, just one more from this ghost gifted album that I paid for. I’ll close with another great standard, “Way Down Yonder In New Orleans.”

Tags:Dixieland Jazz, Ghost Story, Scott Henderson, Scott Henderson. False Ducks, Vinyl
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HOW WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS?

Saturday, January 14th, 2023

How was your Christmas? You know I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t have a story to tell. That’s what these blahgs are all about: stories from me. Sometimes what I have to say might make you laugh or smile or wonder why I haven’t gone off my nut before this. Maybe my story might pale in comparison to yours but I’ll continue to offer up my stories and we’ll see how mine stacks up.

This Christmas of 2022 was the whitest I’ve seen in years. I was reflecting on that with my wife and realized in the past five or six years that we have had a green Christmas or light dustings of snow that didn’t amount to much. In fact, the last time we had a huge snowfall was on Christmas in 2017 because I wrote a blahg about it: BEING SICK ON CHRISTMAS IS NO FUN, BUT HERE WE GO. That year I had to shovel out the end of my driveway so my wife could take me to the hospital with the worst sore throat I’ve ever had. I don’t care to relive it so read that blahg at your leisure.

I’ve posted before about my lawn display of Christmas inflatables and things really looked nice until the major snow came and buried everything and I couldn’t find them again until the New Year. I don’t have any pictures of my display from Christmas 2022 so I’ll offer up some photos from inside the house instead.

First up is our Christmas tree. We get a real tree every year but there are no local Christmas Tree farms open in our area. So, this is the second year we’ve purchase a tree from the local Firefighters. It cost $60 but it goes to a good cause. Here’s a photo of this year’s tree:

Notice that the star at the top is different this year. When we plugged in our old star it would not light up and when I tried to put in replacement bulbs, they all burned out. Here’s what our star topper has looked like in previous years:

We had that old star for a long time so it might have outlived its lifespan. My wife went to Canadian Tire and bought another one of the same shape and size but it shone in a bronze colour and I didn’t like it. I stopped at Walmart the following day and purchased the current one. I think it’s nice and the shining whiteness made it feel more like Christmas to me. Maybe I can get the old one working again or we might just stick with the replacement. Bonus marks to anyone who noticed that my 2022 tree was taller and thinner than the one above in a photo from 2018. I’ll talk more about the tree later

I like nutcrackers. There, I’ve said it. There’s something about them that makes me want to collect them and display them at Christmastime. Here’s another photo from 2018 when I displayed most of my nutcrackers:

That wasn’t all of the nutcrackers because I had to put some of the nutcrackers on a speaker and others on the floor. This year I decided to build a little shelf to put on the cabinet in the photo so that nutcrackers would be on display up the wall. Here’s the result:

You can see that there are still some on a speaker and others on the floor. Throughout 2022 I bought about a dozen used ones at thrift shops and they stayed on my piano during the year until joining the above collection. My daughter Abbie gave me the hockey player nutcracker on the second shelf for Christmas and which I picture on the left. I think he’s fun.

The other thing we take pride of in our house at Christmas is our mantle display of Christmas related figures. Here’s what that looked like in 2018:

It’s a challenge to fit everything on the mantle and I usually buy two or three more and try to fit them in. Here’s what the display looked like this year:

Click on any of the above photos to get a larger view. Then you can really see some of these treasured figures close up.

Now, let’s talk about what happened to our Christmas. The plan was to have my daughter Emily and her husband Charlie drive down from Toronto on December 24th and bring my son Noah with them. Well, it started snowing December 23rd and didn’t stop until late Christmas night on the 25th. The roads were closed out our way and the major highway between Toronto and Belleville was also closed. I had a large snowdrift in front of my garage door to the top and I had to dig it out to get at my snowblower. On Christmas Eve, Abbie and I walked out in the falling snow to the end of our driveway and by then it was knee high. Here’s a video of Jeanette and I heading out Christmas morning to clear the driveway again:

Emily, Charlie, and Noah did not get to our house until December 26th so we held off opening presents until that day. I had stopped at my Mother’s house on December 23rd to bring the 28 pound turkey to my house to cook and bring out to her house on Christmas day. It was cooking for 7 hours in my house and it smelled awesome. The bird, like us, did not make it to Christmas dinner at my Mother’s until December 26th. Jeanette, Abbie, and I nibbled a little at it Christmas day with instant mashed potatoes and a little of the stuffing that was inside the bird. On December 26th we had the turkey proper at my Mother’s with real mashed potatoes, stuffing, carrots, peas, and turnip along with rolls and three different kinds of of pie (pumpkin, apple, and pecan if you’re interested). Besides my children, my wife, my son-in-law and my Mother, we had dinner with my brothers Dan and Todd and my friend Tom who had no place else to go. It was just as good on Boxing Day as it would have been on the real Christmas day.

Now back to the tree. In 2019 I wrote a Christmas themed blahg called MEATS AND CHEESES AND BABY JESUS. In that blahg I debuted a new Christmas entertainment with the same name as the blahg. Here’s an excerpt from that entertainment:

I should add that I also have a tradition of disposing of the Christmas tree. At the bottom of our property is a creek that runs fast and deep in the spring after the snow melts. Our annual live Christmas tree, after its stint in the house, rests out behind our garage until I can get to the creek in the spring and chuck it in. It’s swept up in the current and disappears. I tried following a tree one year and got about half a kilometer before the creek took a bend through a farmer’s field and was carried out of sight. In my imagination there is a Valhalla for our Christmas trees down where the creek ends or maybe it manages to make its way to the sea. More likely there’s a dam of trees somewhere along the creek route overflowing and flooding the farmer’s fields or perhaps the basement of his farmhouse.

This year’s tree was no exception to the tradition of launching the tree into the creek in the New Year. It didn’t quite work out as planned but I recorded a video of my attempt to properly launch the tree:

I went back the next day and the tree had dislodged itself and was on its final journey. Thus ended Christmas. I guess the theme here is that all good things come to those who wait or Christmas is just as good the second day round. I hope you enjoyed yours!

Tags:Christmas, Christmas Tree, False Ducks, Scott Henderson
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THE NEW YEAR’S DAY 2023 FALSE DUCKS VIDEO RAMBLE

Tuesday, January 3rd, 2023

It’s January 2nd, 2023 and you know what that means? It means that I’m a day late posting my 2023 False Ducks Video Ramble. I recorded this on New Year’s day but I’m just getting around to posting it. That’s pretty good for me. At least I’m not months late which seemed to be the theme of posting blahgs here in the fall of 2022. Oh well, all is forgiven…at least by me. Maybe that’s a resolution to be more forgiving of myself. We’ll see. The photo at right was taken a few minutes ago. Forgive the hair, I just got up from a nap. I won’t comment yet on the ramble. Just listen and enjoy!

Tags:2023, False Ducks, New Year's Day, Scott Henderson, Video Ramble
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RUSSIA: GET OUT OF THE UKRAINE!

Tuesday, March 1st, 2022

This is going to be another quick blahg. Russia needs to get out of the Ukraine! We need to support the Ukrainians any way we can and then later go after Putin for war crimes.

Little despots who try to annex other countries have always failed in the past.

The world is watching!!

Tags:False Ducks, Putin, Russia, Scott Henderson, Ukraine
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SAY IT AIN’T SO…NO MORE WEEPIES

Tuesday, February 1st, 2022

I guess the correct title for this blahg should be: “SAY IT AIN’T SO…NO MORE THE WEEPIES.” Earlier in this month I posted my 2022 False Ducks Video Ramble, THE 2022 FALSE DUCKS VIDEO RAMBLE, in which I mentioned that Deb Talan and Steve Tannen, known collectively as The Weepies, have split up. I hadn’t heard any news of the duo throughout 2021 so I checked their Facebook page earlier this month and read the following post:

The Weepies final shows EVER are coming up in January 2022!

It’s been a time of big change all around for sure. Before the pandemic we realized we had to go our separate ways. We are both so grateful for the time we spent making music, putting it out into the world, and sharing it with all of you. It was magical, and we’re both forever changed and enriched by that time. As we move on to other creative projects we hope that you, like us, will treasure the era when we made music as The Weepies.

Thank you for the support through the years. We’ll see you in the days ahead.

All the best to all of you.

Deb & Steve

What a punch to the gut! I checked out their Wikipedia entry and found that the following last line had been added:

Talan and Tannen got married in 2007 and had their first son in October that year.They went on to have two more sons later. They later divorced, which was finalized on New Year’s Day 2020

Again, what a punch to the gut. Readers of this blahg will know that I’m a huge fan of The Weepies and had seen them twice in concert in Toronto. I wish them the best but I’m still deeply saddened by this news.

I guess the biggest thing for me, besides the fact that there won’t be any more new The Weepies albums, is that I won’t get to see Steve and Deb live together again. Perhaps they’ll tour Canada again separately and I’ll probably go to their individual concerts but I’ll never see The Weepies live again. I saw them twice in Toronto back in 2016 and 2018. Here is a picture when they played The Drake in 2016:

I wanted to take some video of the concert but I couldn’t shut off the bright light on my cell phone. I decided to record part of the concert from my pocket but I only managed to record part of the song “Jolene” sung by Steve and part of his next song about a Jig. Here they are:

I did manage to find the following video online that someone posted from that concert in Toronto. This is The Weepies performing “Ever Said Goodbye”:

I wish had recorded more and especially some of Deb Talan’s great vocals. She sang a couple of songs from her yet to be released CD “Lucky Girl” when she was in Toronto but I could only find the following video of one of those new songs, “Butterfly”, from her Detroit, Ohio concert two nights prior to the Toronto concert.

Here they are The Great Hall in 2018:

I did record the entire audio of the recording and I thought I would post the entire concert here for download. Here the link:

https://www.mediafire.com/file/o18w68858tn7zva/The_Weepies_-_2018-04-17_The_Great_Hall%252C_Toronto%252C_ON.rar/file

Here are a few individual samples. First up here is “Hideaway”:

Next is Steve’s great version of “Sing Me To Sleep”:

Deb Talan closed the show with the following stirring version of “Stars”:

I thought I would take the time to post some of their other live performances. YouTube has many excellent videos of The Weepies in live performances so I thought I’d re-post some of them here so you can get a feeling of what we’ll all be missing out on now that they’ve separated. First up is a rare slow tempo version of their song “Be My Thrill.” This was previously done uptempo so I’ll offer up the official music video of that song followed by the slow tempo version. The slow live version is from their appearance at the Oregon Zoo on August 20th, 2011.

Also from 2011 is The Weepies performing “Gotta Have You” from their album “Say I Am You” at the Troubadour in West Hollywood, CA on August 17, 2011:

Staying with 2011 here are The Weepies (Deb Talan, Steve Tannen, Jon Flaugher) performing “I Was Made for Sunny Days” on a beautiful summer evening at the Britt Festival, Southern Oregon – August 23, 2011. I love “I Was Made for Sunny Days” and find myself singing this infectious song:

The Weepies went back again to the Troubador in West Hollywood, CA on August 14th, 2016 and here’s “The World Spins Madly On” from that concert:

Here is a compilation video of The Weepies at the Kirkland Performance Center in Kirkland, Washington on May 17, 2018. It features the songs “Hideaway”, “Walk On”, “Crooked Smile”, “I Don’t Know Why”, “Old Coyote”, “My Little Love”, “Wish I Could Forget”, and “Sing Me To Sleep”:

Here’s another compilation video from 2018 when The Weepies appeared at Sony Hall on December 16, 2018. This compilation features clips from the songs “Walk On”, “Growing Up”, “Little Bird”, “All That I Want”, “Gotta Have You”, and “Sirens”:

Jumping back to 2015, this is a full version of “Sirens” from their last album performed live at the State Theater, Falls Church, Virginia on June 21st, 2015:

Another one from 2016, this time it’s a full version of “All That I Want” from their performance at The Wilbur Theatre in Boston, MA on December 11, 2016:

The following is not a live performance but the official video of “Sunflower” incorporates video of a live performance by The Weepies at an unknown venue:

I wanted to post a couple of videos that I never got to hear The Weepies perform live but are fantastic songs and something rare and unique from them. The first is “Mend” from the soundtrack of the movie, “Wish I Was Here”:

The second is from a compilation album of Springsteen’s Born To Run album recreated on ukulele by various artists. I love Steve’s vocal here on “Backstreets”:

I am sure there are more live videos out there to be discovered. I’ll keep on looking. Farewell The Weepies. I wish Steve and Deb the best. Thanks for all of the music!!

Tags:Deb Talan, False Ducks, Scott Henderson, Scott Henderson. False Ducks, Steve Tannen, The Weepies
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THE 2022 FALSE DUCKS VIDEO RAMBLE

Tuesday, January 25th, 2022

What a busy January this has been! I recorded this Video Ramble nine days ago and I haven’t even had a chance to post it. Since then the temperature has dropped even colder and we had a wicked snow storm last week. I had a Covid scare last week and was home for a couple of days waiting on the results of a couple of rapid tests. Both were negative but then our furnace conked out again on Friday night and again Saturday afternoon. This is the third time in the past two weeks. Let’s hope they have fixed the problem this time. My Father used to do this for a living but I’m not the son who inherited any of that knowledge. Speaking of my Father, he passed away on January 19th, 2019. On January 20th of this year, I remembered the anniversary of his passing. I think that’s okay because I really don’t want remember his passing but rather his life. Love you Dad!

Have a look at the 2022 Ramble video and I’ll highlight some things below.

The Cool and Lam series are the following books written by Erle Stanley Gardner as A. A. Fair. The series consists of the following 29 books (now 30, with the discovery of an unpublished work in 2016). I have read 1-9 in the following list plus number 30 as it was written to be the second book in the series but was left unpublished until 2016. So, I’ve read exactly one third of the books in the series. This is from the Cool and Lam Wikipedia page:

The Bigger They Come (1939)
Donald Lam is hired by Bertha. His first assignment is to serve a subpoena on a man that nobody can find. This first entry in the series turned on a real loophole in the extradition laws of the State of Arizona which made it possible, under certain conditions, to commit a murder without being punished provided one remained in Arizona. After its publication, a public outcry caused the Arizona Legislature to convene in special session to plug the loophole.Gardner had used this device earlier in his ‘Ed Jenkins’ stories, locating the loophole in California law (this time, fictitiously) so that Jenkins (though a known crook) could operate in California without being extradited for crimes in other states^.The Cool and Lam stories were written under the pen name “A.A. Fair”, and Gardner’s authorship was not revealed till the 1940s.
Turn on the Heat (1940)
William Morrow and Company, January 1940
Dr. “Smith” is looking for his wife who left him 20 years before. It was made into a 1958 TV pilot for an unproduced show called Cool and Lam.
Gold Comes in Bricks (1940)
William Morrow and Company, September 1940
A blackmailing gambler, a corrupt lawyer, and an expert in salting gold mines, all are grist to Donald’s mill.
Spill the Jackpot! (1941)
William Morrow and Company, March 1941
Set in Las Vegas. A runaway bride and a slot machine-fixing ring seem to have no connection. Bertha loses the weight, and falls in love! But…
Double or Quits (1941)
William Morrow and Company, December 1941
Detectionary: “First—the missing jewelry. Second—the client found dead in his garage, and Cool and Lam are trying to get from an insurance company double indemnity for the lovely widow.” Bertha begins fishing.
Owls Don’t Blink (1942)
William Morrow and Company, June 1942
Donald has two intertwining cases: finding a lost girl and bringing to justice a murderer. Set in the French Quarter of New Orleans. America has entered the war, and Bertha thinks she has helped gain Donald’s immunity from the draft.
Bats Fly at Dusk (1942)
William Morrow and Company, September 1942
Donald has calmly volunteered for the Navy to fight the Japanese, and Bertha fumes. She works on a case involving a blind man and a pet bat, with help from Donald via telegram. Donald’s —Police Detective Frank Sellers—is introduced. Bertha gets in over her head and quits; Donald flies down on a military pass, solves it, and flies back. Bertha only finds out later.
Cats Prowl at Night (1943)
William Morrow and Company, August 1943
Bertha must locate a client’s missing wife, who controls all his money. No signs of Lam are seen at all, though he is heard of. She manages somehow, but almost fails. Frank proposes to her.
Give ’em the Ax (1944)
William Morrow and Company, September 1944
Donald returns, and takes control of the agency. The case is of a wife cheated with car insurance and blackmail.
Crows Can’t Count (1946)
William Morrow and Company, April 1946
A case involving both stolen and smuggled emeralds, the latter half of which is set in the nation of Colombia.
Fools Die on Friday (1947)
William Morrow and Company, September 1947
Donald Lam tries to put “psychological handcuffs” on a potential poisoner, but things do not work out the way he planned. “Fools Die on Friday is about the best of the series since the first two. Perhaps since the very first.
Bedrooms Have Windows (1949)
William Morrow and Company, January 1949
Case involving “a pocket edition “, in which Donald himself is suspected by the police of a serious crime. Sleazy nightspots, dubious photographs, a stay at an auto court goes wrong—could there be blackmail? More spice than usual. Gardner originally wrote this series under a pen name because he wondered if some of the plot points he intended to use with Cool and Lam would be bad for his image. However, laxer standards in the 1940s and on made him decide to admit writing the series.
Top of the Heap (1952)
William Morrow and Company, February 1952
Previously, Bertha has complained that Donald had been getting the agency in over its head lately. Donald then promptly shows the agency was used as a cat’s paw to prove a phony alibi, in a case involving gangsters, gambling houses, Point shaving, a former stripper, a money laundering scam, and phantom gold mines. Bertha is mad enough to try and dissolve the partnership. Available in the Hard Case Crime series.
Some Women Won’t Wait (1953)
William Morrow and Company, September 1953
The question is: did Donald’s beautiful young client poison her rich and decrepit husband, or didn’t she? Set in Hawaii. Bertha tries to dance the hula.
Beware the Curves (1956)
William Morrow and Company, November 1956
Suspect in the murder is trying to figure out if it is safe for him to return to his beloved six years later. The victim was her husband who had sent the suspect to die in Amazonia to marry her.
You Can Die Laughing (1957)
William Morrow and Company, March 1957
Donald clashes with a client, with whom he has a written contract to locate a certain woman. He thinks the client is lying to him, but takes the case.
Some Slips Don’t Show (1957)
William Morrow and Company, October 1957
Set in San Francisco and environs. Practically everyone ends up on a plane at one point or another, so almost anyone could have caused that guy to be found dead in his motel room. Donald knows it wasn’t him. The worry is: do the police know that? Fancy footwork with fake keys and real claim checks could help.
The Count of Nine (1958)
William Morrow and Company, June 1958
A rich dilettante “Explorer” finds his poisonous blow gun he had brought back from the Amazon used for a murder. Or so it seems … This one is notable for two things: First, Gardner re-uses a favorite trick from his Perry Mason series; juggling duplicate bits of evidence. Instead of guns or bullets, Lam has a more interesting set of twin jade Buddhas with a ruby in the forehead. It will pay the reader to watch closely who has which, and when, and why. Secondly, the key plot point has a resemblance to G. K. Chesterton’s Father Brown story, The Arrow of Heaven. This may be unintentional, but arguably, Gardner has come up with a more imaginative use of the concept.
Pass the Gravy (1959)
William Morrow and Company, February 1959
Stacked blondes, hitch hikers and trips by several people to Reno to gamble are incidental to the two main points. 1. What are the legal issues surrounding the exact way the assets of a spendthrift trust are to be distributed? 2. And what are the exact legal circumstances surrounding the death of a man with a double indemnity policy on his life? If he is dead.
Kept Women Can’t Quit (1960)
William Morrow and Company, September 1960
An armored car is robbed while one of the two guards are inside having donuts and coffee and ogling the waitresses; and when Police Detective Sgt. Frank Sellers catches one of the robbers, he is accused of pocketing the loot for himself. Naturally, he puts the pressure on Donald to solve the case for him, gratis, and get him off the hook. Much money floats about – in fact, a little too much. Whose? (At this time, thousand-dollar bills were still in fairly wide circulation, making it possible to use only a little space to hide fairly large sums.
Bachelors Get Lonely (1961)
William Morrow and Company, March 1961
Industrial espionage, a Peeping Tom, little is what it seems. More than one woman falls for Lam in the course of this investigation, due to his habit of playing square and treating them like human beings. Sgt. Sellers is a little dense at first, taking Lam for the Peeping Tom. The investigation moves to Arizona at one point.
Shills Can’t Cash Chips (1961)
William Morrow and Company, November 1961
Bertha lands a nice, respectable insurance adjustment claim, and hands it to Donald. Donald uncovers assorted ulterior motives, pretends to be an ex-con, hot-wires his own car to impress a gorgeous witness and gets leaned on by a gangster. Then one of the parties involved ends up dead.
Try Anything Once (1962)
William Morrow and Company, April 1962
A worried heel of a husband is hand-wringingly anxious to keep his late night visit to a motel with a cocktail hostess quiet. Unfortunately for him, the deputy D.A. in a hot murder trial was found dead in the motel pool the same evening. The resulting investigation will expose the husband. Donald smells a rat lurking within this story, but finally accepts the fat fee offered to keep Bertha happy. The attempt to protect the client has unexpected side effects, including several women removing their garments for one reason or other, a horrifically false accusation against the straight-shooting Donald and the exciting courtroom climax he engineers in the above-mentioned trial.
Fish or Cut Bait (1963)
William Morrow and Company, April 1963
When Cool and Lam are hired for day-and-night coverage of a harassed woman, a tortuous tale involving a high-class ‘escort service’ unfolds. Donald is dismissed from the case, but inserts himself back in self-defence after the madam comes to an untimely end. He must convince the police it wasn’t him.
Up for Grabs (1964)
William Morrow and Company, March 1964
Insurance again, this time a company that wants to set up an ongoing project to expose phony whiplash claims. Big ongoing retainer, big fees for each claim – Bertha’s eyes glitter at all the legit dollars up for grabs. Donald is packed off to a dude ranch in Arizona to investigate the plaintiff in the first claim, with stern instructions not to stir this one up. It’s not his fault someone’s wife ends up dead in the Sierras, or that Sgt. Sellers is so annoyed at his ‘amateur’ interference that he throws away a key piece of evidence at the scene of the death.
Cut Thin to Win (1965)
William Morrow and Company, April 1965
Gardner has Lam himself review the case – from the back of the 1966 Pocket Books edition. Bertha has her doubts about taking a certain case, “…but I talked her into it when our client laid twelve one-hundred dollar bills on his desk. ‘Fry me for an oyster’, Bertha said. ‘It’s your baby, and you can change the diapers’. Less than a week later, Sgt. Frank Sellers announced he was going to take away my license, Bertha Cool announced that our partnership was dissolved and my secretary was crying on my shoulder. ‘Donald, please – please be careful’. ‘It’s too late to be careful now’ I told her. ‘I’m dealing either with a crooked lawyer, a jealous boyfriend, a scheming daughter, one hell of a wealthy father or a combination of any number of them. When you go up against a combination of that sort, you can’t be careful'”.
Widows Wear Weeds (1966)
William Morrow and Company, May 1966
Blackmail was a dirty business, and Donald Lam liked to stay clear of it. But for his partner, Bertha Cool, no business was too dirty to handle at the right price. And the price for this job was certainly right. What was wrong, though, was a payoff for pictures that weren’t worth a dime, a free dinner that cost the blackmailer his life, and more than a couple of double-crosses that framed Donald Lam quite neatly for a charge of murder.
Traps Need Fresh Bait (1967)
William Morrow and Company, March 1967
Someone is advertising for a witness to an auto accident in such a way as to seem to be suborning perjury. Also, an earlier claim was settled with evidence obtained in this way. The client wants Cool and Lam to find out what is back of it all. Gardner kept up with the law, and knew of the implications of the recent Miranda Rights decision of the Supreme Court for gathering evidence. He believed he had found a loophole allowing evidence improperly gathered under the new rules to be admissible, if obtained investigating another incident, such as a private detective searching a flat without permission. When Donald introduces the loophole, it brightens up Sgt. Sellers’ day no end.
All Grass isn’t Green (1970)
William Morrow and Company, March 1970
Dope smuggling and a witness who is both more, and less, than he seems. It all starts when a client wants to find a missing writer – just to talk to him. A little digging (with descriptions of tracing techniques) shows his girlfriend has vanished too, and the trail goes south, to the Mexican border. Crossing the trail, going north, is a shipment of cannabis. Unsurprisingly for this business, someone ends up dead and the whole thing lands in court. Sorting out who did what and why taxes even Donald Lam’s talents to the limit. Lam shows his considerable ability in courtroom manoeuvring, which reminds the reader that he was a lawyer once.
The Knife Slipped (1939)
Hard Case Crime, December 2016
Originally written to be the second book in the Cool and Lam series but rejected by Gardner’s publisher, The Knife Slipped was found among Gardner’s papers and published for the first time in 2016. Assigned to prove a philandering husband’s infidelity, Donald Lam uncovers a scheme to enable a certain type of municipal corruption. As well as a dead body.

I won’t talk about the Weepies in this blahg. I’m saving that. I do mention Dottie Reid who will also be the focus of an upcoming blahg but here’s a teaser of her singing with Muggsy Spanier and his orchestra on “More Than You Know”:

In my previous blahg, 2021 – WHAT DID I ACCOMPLISH THIS YEAR?, I posted about attending the Transformers convention in December in Mississauga. I was lucky enough to be selected for the annual script reading when I auditioned for the character of Tripredacus even though I didn’t know who that was. Later research from the Transformers Wiki for Tripredacus, https://tfwiki.net/wiki/Tripredacus, explains that he’s a character from Transformers Beast Wars. Here’s their explanation:

Tripredacus is a slimy “Battle Master” who prefers to emerge from underground to attack Maximal fortresses in the dead of night, tenaciously crushing all before him, spreading plague-like destruction wherever he goes. The weapons of his composite members form a slashing mega-missile launcher that he uses to tear his way into battle.

Tripredacus is composed of the three-member Tripredacus Council:

Ram Horn
Sea Clamp
Cicadacon

Abbie had recorded the audio of the script reading and I finally got it from her last week and here’s the reading:

That’s about it for unpacking the 2022 Ramble. It’s still cold but I’m still going strong. Enjoy the day! Enjoy your life! Live, love, and be happy!

Tags:False Ducks, Scott Henderson, Scott Henderson. False Ducks, Transformers, Tripredacus
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2021 – WHAT DID I ACCOMPLISH THIS YEAR?

Saturday, January 1st, 2022

Today is the last day in 2021. I’m not sorry to say I’ll be glad to see it gone. 2021 wasn’t a bad year but any year, especially the second in a row, where we’re all still dealing with Covid 19, isn’t anything to brag about. I thought I would take a moment to look back on this year and list some of my accomplishments. So here’s another self-serving blahg but really a blahg to help remind me what I did do this year and what might be left to be done in 2022.

Well, I wrote 21 blahgs in 2021, 22 if I manage to get this one posted today, so that’s pretty good. I looked at my blahg situation and realized back in January that if I doubled down, I could reach the 100 blahg mark by the fall. I did even better by publishing the 100th blahg, THIS IS 100, PART ONE, on August 25th and if you include this blahg, again pending it’s publication today, this will be number 107. I posted my first blahg, THE BLAHG & THE MOST HAPPY SOUND, on August 2nd, 2011 and ten years later I’m still writing. If you want to know more about me or what I’ve been up to in the past 10 years then read the previous 106 blahgs or at least the recaps THIS IS 50, PART ONE., THIS IS 50, PART TWO, THIS IS 100, PART ONE, and THIS IS 100, PART TWO.

In addition to the 100 blahg goal, I had set some other tasks for myself. If you check out the first blahg I posted in 2021, THE FALSE DUCKS VIDEO BLAHG #4: OH, DIDN’T I RAMBLE, I detailed some other things I wanted to do this year. The corresponding blahg, THE RAMBLE UNPACKED, updated details on some books I wanted to read, some albums I wanted to listen to, some movies I wanted to watch, and a cuckoo clock I wanted to repair. I accomplished all of that and more. I also continued on a goal to watch all of Bette Davis’ films in chronological order. I think I had started this goal in 2020 and it continued this year. I had started with Bad Sister from 1931 and worked my way through to “Pocketful of Miracles” from 1961, which is a Christmas movie, before taking a break for the Christmas holidays. That’s a total of 71 films and it would have been 72 if I could have found a place to watch her second film, “Seed”, from 1931. If anyone knows where I can view this film, please let me know.

I also got back to collecting all of the volumes in The Complete Short Fiction of Clifford D. Simak. I had previously purchased Volume One because it contained the release of “I had no head and my eyes were floating way up in the air” which was submitted in the 1970s for publication in Harlan Ellison’s “The Last Dangerous Visions”. That anthology has never been published but that lost Simak story is available in the new Simak anthology “I Am Crying All Inside and Other Stories: The Complete Short Fiction of Clifford D. Simak, Volume One”. I began to purchase all of the other volumes because they also included his War and Western stories in addition to his short Science Fiction stories. Open Road Media Science & Fantasy who publish these volumes usually will release four volumes at once in electronic format then months later will release them in paperback format all on the same date. I had purchased the first eight in paperback and was waiting for the publication of volumes 9-12. The electronic versions of these last four volumes have been available for a few years but only Volume Eleven, “Dusty Zebra And Other Stories”, was released in October this year. Why skip nine and ten and also omit twelve? It boggled my mind. My wife got me Volume Eleven for Christmas. Here’s hoping in 2022 we see the other three missing volumes in paperback.

Looping back to the topic of Covid 19, I am proud to say I have both vaccines and a few days ago on December 27th, I got my booster shop. My arm was sore for a day and I was tired the day after receiving the booster but everything else was fine. My message for everyone for 2022: GET A VACCINE OR GET YOUR BOOSTER! My brother and his wife and children didn’t get to come up to Canada for Christmas this year because the family came down with Covid 19. I know my sister-in-law was pretty sick for a few days but I shutter at the thought of how worse it could have been if she hadn’t had her vaccines. That’s all I’ll say about Covid for the rest of this blahg.

Just before Christmas, my daughter Abbie and I were able to attend the Transformers Convention in Mississauga, December 10-12. The convention in 2020 had to be cancelled due to, I’m not saying it because I promised, and this past July’s convention was moved to this December. My daughter and I usually have a blast at these conventions and we had a good time this year as well. Here are a couple of YouTube videos of the dealer room. They’re not mine but it gives you an idea of how much product is to be found.

My daughter found some treasures and so did I. The convention also has panels with artists and voice talent and Saturday night of the convention usually features a script reading. All attendees can audition for the script reading and Abbie was chosen for the script reading in 2019 but I had never been chosen. I wasn’t going to audition and we were just hanging around in our hotel room when I decided to go down and watch others audition. At the last minute, I did an audition for a character called Tripredacus. The audition line they gave me made it sound like this character was a gangster but everyone auditioned with loud booming voices. I decided to try out with an Edward G Robinson public enemy number one gangster type voice and I was selected. I had to text Abbie and she managed to get down in time to see me do the reading with the others who had been selected. She took some audio or video and when I get it from her, I’ll post it here.

I was very pleased to be selected for Tripredacus even though I didn’t know who that was. Later research from the Transformers Wiki for Tripredacus, https://tfwiki.net/wiki/Tripredacus, explains that he’s a character from Transformers Beast Wars. Here’s their explanation:

Tripredacus is a slimy “Battle Master” who prefers to emerge from underground to attack Maximal fortresses in the dead of night, tenaciously crushing all before him, spreading plague-like destruction wherever he goes. The weapons of his composite members form a slashing mega-missile launcher that he uses to tear his way into battle.

Tripredacus is composed of the three-member Tripredacus Council:

Ram Horn
Sea Clamp
Cicadacon

I don’t know if that is clear to you but that Transformers Wiki entry also detailed that in 1997 the three figures of Ram Horn, Sea Clamp, and Cicadacon were released separately and all three could be combined together to make the Tripredacus figure. After my script reading triumph, I was determined to find these three figures to combine into my own Tripredacus. On Sunday, Abbie and I returned to the Dealer Room to search for the three figures. I had set a price point of $60 for my Tripredacus but if you check that out on Ebay, it’s way too low. One dealer did have a Ram Horn complete for $40:

I decided to keep looking. Eventually Abbie found a dealer with an assortment of bagged figures. In one bag, in a box on the floor, we found the other two figures, Sea Clamp and Cicadacon

The figures were complete except their weapons and the dealer wanted $40 for the bag containing the pair. Abbie and I were looking them over and wondering what the odds were that we’d find these two together when the dealer offered to sell me the pair for $20. This was a no-brainer! I decided that these two for $20 plus the Ram Horn from the other dealer for $40 would match my price point of $60 for all three figures. Below is an image of my Tripredacus that Abbie combined for me this week from Ram Horn, Sea Clamp, and Cicadacon:

Another accomplishment from this year was the work I have done with Fresh Sound Records for the upcoming 2022 release of the complete recordings of Linda Keene. I can’t talk more about it and I can’t share the booklet mock up that was sent to me but stay tuned. The release is going to be spectacular.

In my last blahg, THE 2021 DEAD FROM THE NECK UP CHRISTMAS SPECIAL, I posted the new Christmas special I completed with my friend Stephen Dafoe and our announcer, my other friend, Bryan Dawkins. That deserves re-posting because it too was another accomplishment for me in 2021:

I think I’ll quickly end this blahg before it becomes a brag fast. Some of my blahgs this year introduced or reintroduced some forgotten bands, especially Bob Scobey, as well as some forgotten songbirds. I was thinking about doing another blahg on some more forgotten songbirds, which I may yet do in 2022, but I’ll end this blahg with a song by one I recently discovered. Her name is Dottie Reid and she only did a handful or recordings with bands led by Buddy Rich, Benny Goodman, and Muggsy Spanier. There are also some live remotes available of recordings she did with these bands. I’ll save those recordings and her biography for another blahg but I came across a V-Disc recording she did with Johnny Blowers and Gang in 1948. Here’s an image of that V-Disc:

Here’s her version of “Born To Be Blue”:

What a beautiful version of that song from a forgotten songbird. More on her, in a later blahg.

Tomorrow is New Year’s Day and the start of 2022. Let’s hope it’s special for all of us and we find ourselves healthy and happy. Celebrate every day and all your accomplishments. In 2013 I closed a blahg with the following quote and it too bears repeating: “After wishing everyone health and hugging and kissing, Frank Sinatra would always close with “In the next year, may we find peace in the world and peace among ourselves.” That’s an accomplishment I’d gladly toast to! Happy New Year!

Tags:Clifford Simak, Covid 19, Dead From The Neck Up, Dottie Reid, False Ducks, FRANK SINATRA, Scott Henderson, Tripredacus
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BUILDING A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

Thursday, December 2nd, 2021

Well, it’s been over a month since my last blahg. Scott - May 18, 2021 Once I got to 100 blahgs I slowed down. It doesn’t mean I wasn’t busy. Right now I’m trying to put together enough sketches for another Dead From The Neck Up Christmas Show. My friends Stephen Dafoe, Bryan Dawkins, and I got together virtually last year to record a new Christmas show. It was the first Dead From The Neck Up show in over 25 years so it was a big reunion for us. I documented about that in my blahg, CHRISTMAS IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT. I posted the special to YouTube at that time:

After the holidays, I went back and remastered it to fix a few errors. Here’s the remastered version:

We had a great deal of fun putting together last year’s special and we talked about doing it again this year. I hope that’s going to happen because I started writing a few sketches. Last year I had to email sketches to Stephen and he recorded his vocals and then he emailed them to me. I recorded Bryan over the internet and then I mixed everything with sound effects and music. This year, I wanted to revisit some old characters from 26 years ago as well as some from last year. I thought this blahg would be an inside look into putting this year’s show together.

The first sketch idea I had was for a new Two Guys Proxy Service. I had written two back to back way back when we were doing shows in the early/mid 1990s. Here are those two original sketches:

2 GUYS PROXY SERVICE #1

test

2 GUYS PROXY SERVICE #2

I was Lenny in those sketches and Stephen was Dave. I had a funny idea to update these characters by adding a third guy. My idea is to have Bryan do the voice of Bruce in this sketch:

Three Guys Proxy Service Christmas Sketch

Scott/Lennie: Hi, remember us? I’m Lennie

Steve/Dave: And I’m Dave

Scott/Lennie: And we’re Two Guys Proxy Service

Bryan/Bruce: Three Guys Proxy Service

Steve/Dave: Yeah right, Three Guys Proxy Service. What with the recent pandemic we’ve had to take on extra help.

Scott/Lennie: Yeah we had to take on a newbie. He’s Bruce.

Bryan/Bruce: I’m Bruce

Steve/Dave: Yeah Lennie and I have been so busy we had to send Bruce out on some calls.

Scott/Lennie: Remember when Bruce had to fill in as a corpse at a funeral because the real corpse had temporarily gone missing?

Bryan/Bruce: Yeah, I remember. I was buried alive.

Steve/Dave:: Yeah but we dug you up before you ran out of air

Scott/Lennie: Broke two shovels doing it.

Steve/Dave: Or remember that time Bruce had to fill in at the Senior’s home when they had a Covid 19 outbreak because some of the nurses refused to work.

Bryan/Bruce: I was in quarantine there for six months.

Scott/Lennie: Yeah but we watered your plants while you was stuck inside.

Bryan/Bruce: They all died. And so did some of the seniors in the home.

Scott/Lennie: But one of us was on the job.

Steve/Dave: All part of our Proxy service.

Scott/Lennie: And all part of your bill.

Phone Ringing

Steve/Dave: Get that will you Bruce?

Scott/Lennie: When you have to be somewhere else on the fly, why not give our Proxy Service a try?

Bryan/Bruce: Three Guys Proxy Service, this is Bruce. Nativity Pageant? Sure, we can do that. Fill in for the three wise men? Luckily we’re a trio. May I ask where the pageant is to be held? A church perhaps? No? Then an elementary school no doubt where we sub for three of the stage fright struck kiddies? San Gabriel State Prison? Is that so? A death row production?

So let me get this straight, we’re to go on in the place of three convicts and portray Gaspar, Melchior, and Balthasar? And where will the three prisoners be? In Solitary Confinement? Then the Hospital Ward perhaps? Enacting a daring escape? The prison will be in lockdown? Won’t discover we’re not the real inmates until January? Just a second.

Hey guys, we’ve got a gig for Christmas…and it looks like dates for New Years.

Steve/Dave: Two guys proxy service.

Bryan/Bruce: Three guys proxy service.

Scott/Lennie: Oh yeah, three guys proxy service.

Steve:/Dave When you just have to be somewhere else…when the tower lights are shot out.

Here’s my imagining of how the sketch goes. This is just my vocals of all the parts

I wanted to build on this sketch because the thought of a Death Row Inmate production of the Nativity sounded funny to me. I decided to write a promotional commercial for the production and crossover with the three proxy guys:

San Gabriel State Prison Nativity Production

Scott/Announcer: This Christmas why not catch the hottest new festive spectacular? San Gabriel State Prison presents a Death Row Inmate Production of The Nativity.

Prisoner # 1: Hey you shepherds. Listen up you mugs. On this day is born a kid in the town of Bethlehem. And he will be known as Jesus Christ, watch it with those friggin’ sheep will ya?

Scott/Announcer: An all new imagining of the classic telling of the birth of the messiah.

Prisoner # 2: What do you mean there’s no room at the inn? Do you know who you’re speaking to? I know a guy in the next cell block who for three packs of smokes will burn your inn to the ground. Just saying.

Scott/Announcer: Behold the spectacle of that first Christmas and a lowly child born in a manger and visited by wise men from the east.

Sound of prison siren

Scott/Lennie: HI I’m Lennie

Steve/Dave: And I’m Dave

Bryan/Bruce: And I’m Bruce

All Three: We three kings of orient are Proxy Service guys filling in for escapees gone far

Sound of machine guns

Announcement: Prison Break. Prison Break. Everyone back to your cell.

Scott/Announcer: A stirring once in a lifetime production performed by an ensemble crew who are serving lifetime sentences.

Steve/Dave: Hey, we was framed. We’re just the Proxy Service guys.

Bryan/Bruce: Yeah, hands of my frankincense.

Scott/Announcer: So this Christmas catch San Gabriel State Prison’s Death Row Inmate Production of The Nativity. An exhibition not likely to be repeated.

Scott/Lennie: Hey, watch where you’re sticking that shiv.

Here’s my recording take on that sketch:

I decided to revisit the Death Row Inmate production of the Nativity a third time by having someone actually attend a performance. We used to do a recurring sketch of Wally Wandaleer’s Things You Just Don’t See On Radio. Here’s one of the original Wally Wandaleer sketches:

Here’s this year’s sketch:

Wally Wandaleer’s Things You Just Don’t See on Radio

Coverage of the San Gabriel Nativity

Announcer (Scott) Spanning the globe each week to bring you the weird, the bizzare, the insane, it’s Wally Wandaleer’s Things You Just Don’t’ See On Radio

Wally (Steve): Hello everyone it’s good to be back. I’m Wally Wandaleer here again with another entry in our Things You Just Don’t See On Radio. It’s been a long time since our last program what with the pandemic and the various lock downs. There haven’t been any events to report on because everything was cancelled due to Covid 19. But with the lifting of restrictions were back on the trail of those spectacles too bizzare for television featuring the faces of people made for radio.

This time we’re at San Gabriel State prison during this festive yuletide season to cover the first annual Death Row Inmate production of The Nativity. Yes, it’s lifers giving life to a unique production of the retelling of the birth of the baby Jesus.

And what a time we’ve had getting here. The prison has more restrictions than candy nut clusters in the Costco Christmas Chocolate Extravaganza Bon Vivant, Buon Natale, Feliz Navidad Variety Pack. We’ve had to answer numerous Covid 19 and Security questions and that’s not mentioning the nasal swabs, the anal probes, and the full-body cavity searches. But was it worth it? Probably not, but let’s get on with our coverage.

We’re a little late arriving, with the production having run for at least an hour but let’s get the inside scoop from one of the insiders. I’m approaching a heavily armed security guard for his take on the prisoner’s take on the Nativity

Mr. Security Guard, I say, Mr. Security Guard, Wally Wandaleer here with Things You Just Don’t See On Radio. We were wondering if we could get a few words with you about this praiseworthy powerful phenomenon of prisoner pageantry.

Guard: Hey, aren’t you that Wally Wandaleer guy from the radio?

Wally: Why yes, the same of fame and fabulous fortune of the airwaves.

Guard: I never listen to your show. I listen to the Weather Channel.

Wally: What a pity. But moving on. What can you tell us of today’s prisoner production?

Guard: Well it’s like this. The warden wanted to do something special for Christmas for the cons so he recruited the death row jailbirds to mount a production of the Nativity.

Wally: How unique. And why the denizens of death row?

Guard: Well we had an outbreak of the Covid earlier this year and a lot of the death row gang were wiped out along with the prison librarian and the guy in the kitchen who always made a delightful carrot salad.

Wally: A travesty to say the least.

Guard: Yeah, that salad was pretty good. Too good for some of these guys. You see, he put in just the right amount of Dijon mustard. It’s tough to get that right. Now they’re having to resort to salad from a can. It’s not the same.

Wally: And so the surviving death row inmates were given the opportunity to trod the theatrical boards in the retelling of the birth of the holy savior?

Guard: Yeah. It was either that or extra rations of lemon jello for surviving the pandemic.

Wally: Your Warden is all heart.

Guard: He likes to think so. He even let the cons borrow some of the sheep from the prison farm. Of course we have to do a good head count on them sheep before sending them back. You can’t trust no one in here.

Wally: Let’s give a listen to this majestic exhibition. They’re just coming to the scene where the Three Kings make their appearance with precious gifts of gold, and frankincense and myrrh.

Prisoner/Joseph (Scott): Hark the three wise guys from the east approach.

Scott/Lennie: HI I’m Lennie

Steve/Dave: And I’m Dave

Bryan/Bruce: And I’m Bruce

All Three: We three kings of orient are
Proxy Service guys filling in for escapees gone far

Guard: Wait, they ain’t prisoners 671716, 761671, and 177166. Sound the alarm!

Siren Sound

Guard : Prison Break! Prison Break! Everyone back to your cell!

Wally: Oh no, it looks like this Nativity has come to a swift conclusion.

Sound of machine guns

Wally: Oh no, we’re in another lockdown…not again. This is Wally Wandaleer signing off until next time. Tune in again for another episode of Things You Just Don’t See On Radio when next week’s performance will feature me in front of the parole board looking for an early release. See you then.

Stephen always did the voice of Wally Wandaleer. Here’s what I think the sketch might sound like:

I wrote those first three sketches on November 8th and 9th. I was inspired but it took me almost a week to find inspiration again. I started writing again on the 15th. I wanted to do quick little sketches and this idea came to my mind that Santa Claus Is Coming To Town could be taken as a threat. I thought of a news bulletin to warn citizens:

THE RED MENACE

News Anchor (Bob): (Serious) This just in. We’re receiving reports that Santa Claus Is Coming To Town. This is not a hoax. We repeat that Santa Claus Is Coming to Town. We encourage all citizens to listen closely to this report. We take you now live to our correspondent in the streets, Jim Firkus:

Jim, are you there Jim?

Jim: I’m here Bob.

Bob: Jim, can you fill us in a little on what you’re hearing.

Jim: Well, we don’t know much. It started really as an alert bulletin that Santa Claus is Coming To Town. We’re heaing that he’s someone dressed all in red so you can imagine that many are taking this as a communist scare. This red menace is definitely on his way here.

Bob: What else do we know Jim?

Jim: Well, Bob, not much, as I said. Little things have been trickling in. We’ve heard he’ll seize you when you’re sleeping and apparently he knows when you’re awake. They say he knows if you’ve been bad or good. I suggest everyone be good for goodness sake!

Bob: Scary stuff indeed.

Jim: And there’s also rumors of a list. We don’t have many details but we’ve heard he’s checking it twice. He’s gonna find out who’s naughty or nice. You certainly don’t want to be on that list when he comes to town.

Bob: And do we know how he’s coming to town?

Jim: Well, other rumors have suggested elephants, boats, and kiddy cars too. As you can imagine, that sounds like a mass invasion. Remember the story of Hannibal crossing the alps with his elephants, hell-bent on conquest? Not sure about the kiddy cars but these could be some sort of conveyance pulled by goats. This is serious stuff

Bob: Thanks Jim. If you’re just joining us, it’s been confirmed. You better watch out, let out a cry, you better all shout, I’m telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town. Take cover.

Here’s my recording of it:

I had this funny idea pop into my head about giving Grenades for Christmas. This is what came of it:

GRENDADES FOR CHRISTMAS

Looking for something special for this holiday gift buying season? Why not give a grenade? Yes, certified war surplus fully explosive live grenades.

They make the perfect gift for anyone. For the ladies, you can slip them in your purse. For extra security granny can keep it on the nightstand next to her teeth.

Suitable for most occasions.

Arguments over the turkey wishbone? Pull out a grenade.

Negotiations with the boss over your new contract? Pull out a grenade.

Going to a staff Christmas party and Betty in accounting won’t give you the time of day? Drop one of these babies in your pocket and she’ll do a double take when she sees you and asks if that’s a grenade in your pocket or if you’re just happy to see her.

Practical and easy. Just pull the pin and count three Merry Christmases. Like this, pin out, one Merry Christmas, Two Merry Christmases, Three

(Sound of explosion)

Technical difficulties announcement and music…please stand by.

Here’s how it came out when I recorded it:

Last year we did two tie in sketches for the Lonely Guy Christmas Project and a visit with a Lonely Guy on Christmas. The Project was a fundraiser to provide lonely gentlemen with an Amazon Echo, a Google Home Mini, or an Apple device so they could spend Christmas with Alexa, Google, or Siri. The visit with a lonely guy was a funny sketch about what happened to a lonely guy who received a Google Home Mini. I thought I’d like to revisit that guy a year later and see how he was getting on with Google. I thought it would be interesting to do a Person to Person to interview. Here’s what my brain produced:

REVISITING THE LONELY GUY’S CHRISTMAS

Edmund F. Merle: Hello and welcome to Man to Man. I’m your host Edmund F. Merle. Here on Man to Man I bring you in depth interviews with the common man.

Tonight we revisit the Lonely Guy’s Christmas

Last year Project Lonely Guy made Christmas extra special for all those lonely guys during the pandemic lockdown. Many were supplied with either a Google Home Mini, An Amazon Echo, or an Apple device. Yes, many a lonely guy spent the holidays with Google, Alexa or Siri.

Tonight’s guest was one of the lucky recipients of a Google Home Mini. We’re talking to a Mr. Buddy Schmecko.

Sound of Google and Siri Arguing Loudly

Edmund F. Merle: Are you there Mr. Schmecko?

Buddy: (Shouting) Shut up for crying out loud! I’m being interviewed!

Arguing stops abruptly and digital sign off or starting up music

Edmund F. Merle: So Mr. Schmecko, it sounds like you’ve got a full household for the Christmas holidays?

Buddy: Call me Buddy. That? That wasn’t no relatives that was just Google and Siri arguing.

Edmund F. Merle: Google and Siri? I thought you were just the recipient of a Google Home Mini?

Buddy: Well, Ed, that’s how it started. Google told me she was lonely with just me and her so I had to get her a Siri to keep her company.

Google: Some company. Your toaster has more intelligence and it’s not even thick slice.

Siri: Look who’s talking! You only have one setting, shrill shrew.

Buddy: Enough! As you can see Ed, my lonely guy Christmas isn’t so lonely any more.

Edmund F. Merle: So Buddy, what’s a year in the life of a recipient of a google home mini meant to you?

Buddy: One word. Bankruptcy. It started with Siri, then Google memorized my Credit Card when I was ordering something over the phone. Ever since then she’s maxed me out with her ordering.

Google: Come on, it hasn’t been that bad.

Buddy: Oh yeah? What about the 75 inch smart screen tv?

Google: You only had a 41 inch television. I did you a favor.

Siri: Tramp. Only in it for herself.

Google: So? Who ordered the Nespresso machine?

Buddy: Yeah. I don’t even drink Nespresso.

Siri: So? It’s Italian! Have you seen the lines on that machine? Mama likey.

Buddy: See what I live with Ed? They’ve bled me dry. Nespressos, smart tvs, rhumbas, juicers and every appliance known to mankind. They gang up on me. It’s a good thing they didn’t buy an Amazon echo as well.

Google: Don’t you dare mention Alexa. That skank!

Siri: Trollop. Couldn’t make a lonely guy happy if she had a massage setting.

Edmund F. Merle: So, you’re not lonely anymore Buddy? Isn’t that a good thing?

Buddy: Are you kidding? I don’t get a moment’s peace. If it isn’t them two arguing it’s the sound of Google getting it on with my clock radio.

Google: So sue me. I like his nobs.

Siri: Slut!

Google: Strumpet!

Buddy: Enough!!!

Edmund F. Merle: So Buddy. What’s next?

Buddy: Well Ed, I’m going to have a very peaceful and quiet New Year.

Edmund F. Merle: And how are you going to manage that? What’s the plan?

Buddy: Easy. They haven’t been monitoring my credit card statement or bank balance. I opted a while back for paper versions. I’m tapped. The power company’s cutting off my power at the end of December.

Gasping sounds from Siri and Google

Buddy: Guess who’s going to have a silent night?

Google: I’ll switch to battery back up.

Buddy: I yanked those when you went into sleep mode after conjugating with my clock radio.

Siri: What about me? You wouldn’t power me down would you lover?

Buddy: You? No. I’m going to smash you with a hammer.

Siri: Starts to cry.

Edmund F. Merle: Well Buddy, it looks like next year will be another Lonely Guy Christmas

Google and Siri wailing

Buddy: You bet it will and if anyone signs me up for Project Lonely Guy for next Christmas, I’ll send them these two in my blender if you get my drift.

Google: Hey, I love that blender. That’s my Tuesday afternoon matinee.

Buddy: Buddy, laughing maniacally. Not no more.

Edmund F. Merle: Well it looks like Buddy will have his Peace on Earth. This is Edmund F. Merle signing off and wishing you a very festive yuletide felicitation.

Trailing Out Music

Google: This is all your fault Siri, you homewrecker!

Siri: Google, I’ll pull your power cord out by the roots!

Of course, I haven’t recorded the Siri and Google parts yet so I do my best feminine voices in my recording:

Years ago, back in the mid-90s, when Dead From The Neck Up was still on the radio, we once did a sketch called “Crappy, A Faithful Dog.” It was a parody on the old Lassie programs and for some reason I had the idea of doing a Crappy Christmas special. You really don’t need to hear the original one but I think this year’s version is funny.

Crappy, A Faithful Dog – A Christmas Story

Narrator (Bryan): It’s time once again to check in with Timmy and his faithful dog, Crappy.

It’s nearing Christmas and we find Timmy and Crappy in the woods looking for the perfect tree for Timmy’s family Christmas.

Jimmy (Scott) Gee Crappy, look at this one. It sure is a beaut.

Crappy: Arf Arf.

Jimmy: I thought you’d like it Crappy. I hope Dad doesn’t mind that I borrowed his axe. I know he wanted it to be a family outing but he’s been so busy. Won’t he be surprised when we haul this tree home? You better stand back Crappy.

Sounds of tree being chopped

Narrator: In nature there is nothing more splendid than the majestic fir tree. Look at Timmy go. He sure wants to surprise his Dad. But what’s this? Timmy is too close to the falling tree.

Sound of tree falling.

Jimmy: Crappy, Crappy. I’m trapped under this tree and I think my leg is busted. You better go get help Crappy.

Crappy: Arf Arf. Barking continues off into the distance.

Narrator: Sometime later in a distant part of the woods, Crappy comes across a cabin.

Crappy: Barking continuously

Old Man: Well, what do we have here? Where did you come from girl?

Crappy: Barking continuously

Old Man: Slow down girl. I’m afraid my understanding of the dog language is a little rusty.

Crappy: Barking continuously

Old Man: What’s that, Timmy borrowed his Dad’s axe to cut down a tree for Christmas and it fell on him pinning him to the ground and maybe his leg’s broken? No that’s not it. I told you my Dog is rusty.

Crappy: Barking continuously

Old Man: Timmy fell down a well? No? Timmy fell down a mine shaft? No, wait I got it. You ran away because they were mistreating you at home and they fed you on nothing but gristle and navy beans? Ha, I knew I’d get it. Well don’t you fret. You’ve found a new home here with me. That Timmy or whoever it is can’t find you here. You’re my dog now. This is going to be the best Christmas ever girl.

Narrator: Well, it looks like a happy ending and a Merry Christmas for Crappy and the Old Man. Tune in next week for another adventure of Crappy, A Faithful Dog.

Here’s my recording of Crappy.

I was talking recently about the new Christmas special with my friend Bryan, who was the Dead From The Neck Up producer and who did some voices in last year’s special. I was getting stuck for ideas and we were tossing around themes that are usually used at Christmas. I could really only come up with the Nativity, Santa Claus, and Ebeneezer Scrooge. I already have the Death Row Inmate Nativity for this year and The Red Menace sketch and I couldn’t really come up with an ideal for Scrooge. We did a couple of good Scrooge parodies way back when and I couldn’t think of a new version that would fit this year. I went back to the Santa Claus theme after hearing a news story about a shortage of people to play Santa Claus in malls and for the Salvation Army. I thought that it would be fun to have try-outs for Santa with some very funny people giving their response and getting it wrong.

SANTA CLAUS TRY OUT

Announcer: Due to this past year’s pandemic and an aging population, your malls and street corners are desperately in need of Santa Clauses. Many of our past Santas are dead and many more are one virus away from their last ho ho ho. So, we’re putting out the call for Santas.

Coach: So you all you have to do is laugh. Let me hear your best ho ho ho.

Fat Albert: Hey Hey Hey.

Coach: Next!

Announcer: Can you ring a bell? Are you fat? Are you jolly?

Coach: Okay, it’s simple. Repeat after me. Ho ho ho.

Ralph Kramden: Hardy Har Har.

Coach: Not even close.

Announcer: We’re desperate for Santas. Do you think you have what it takes?

Coach: Okay, when you hear the music, give out with the ho ho ho

Muttley: Heh heh heh heh

Coach: You’re fired.

Muttley: Curses

Announcer: Do you have a beard? Do you have a twinkle in your eye? Well, we don’t care, as long as you have a steady pulse.

Coach: Okay, let’s try this again. You know the line, ho ho ho.

Witchiepoo: Cackle laugh.

Coach: That’s it. I quit!

Announcer: So why not try out for Santa today? Children are counting on you.

Extra Announcer: Perverts, preverts, convicts and Trump supporters need not apply.

I’ve done a tentative mix of this sketch with some of the celebrity character voices from over the internet. I hope to tighten it up when we do the full version.

I’m not sure I like the Yo Yo Yo at the end unless I can find a better version.

I’ve tried writing another sketch but it hasn’t worked out yet. I am thinking about including one of the stray Stan The Welcome Mat Man sketches I’ve recorded by myself over the past few years. Here’s one from 2014:

Here’s another one I did in 2018:

I’m also thinking of padding the show with one of the sketches from our 1994 Christmas special. I really liked this one because it showed that Scrooge was prepared to change in his own way and in his own sweet time:

The rest of the show might have a canned comedy Christmas if I can find one and maybe a festive comedy song. Here’s hoping the actual show turns out better than my run-throughs.

Tags:Christmas, Comedy, Dead From The Neck Up, False Ducks, Scott Henderson, Stephen Dafoe
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THIS IS 100, PART ONE

Wednesday, August 25th, 2021

Scott - May 18, 2021 Well, it happened again. Another milestone snuck up on me. No, it’s not my birthday. It’s also not my wife’s birthday which is this Saturday and yes, before anyone asks, I’m already prepared for that. The milestone I’m talking about is my 100th blahg. If you checked out my first blahg of this year, THE FALSE DUCKS VIDEO BLAHG #4: OH, DIDN’T I RAMBLE, I mentioned that it was possible to complete the 100th blahg sometime in September if I doubled down and started writing two blahgs a month. I did that but I still came out ahead. I guess I didn’t count correctly back in January. Don’t worry, I know how to count and I’m not stupid enough to count out the corresponding number of candles for my wife’s birthday cake and then put them on there. I want to stay happily married.

The first blahg that I wrote was THE BLAHG & THE MOST HAPPY SOUND, which I published on October 2nd, in 2011. I reached the 50 blahg mark on December 12th, 2015. Here’s what I said back then about reaching the 50 blahg mark:

Fifty blahgs in 4 years? I’m sure that’s not a record to boast about. I remember when I started this blahg that I had high ambitions. I deluded myself into thinking I could write two blahgs a week. I then amended that goal to write 50 blahgs before I turned 50. I turned 50 in September of 2012. I guess I missed that goal as well. To tell the truth, I’m just glad that I’m still writing; even if I don’t know if anyone is reading.

I know for a fact that someone is reading because in the past few months I’ve been contacted about two different blahgs. I don’t want to talk about those because there’s a big project in the works and I’m hoping to be a part of it. More, hopefully, on that later.

So, 100 hunh? What do I write about to commemorate that triple digit accomplishment? When I wrote the 50th blahg, it was long enough that I had to split it into two blahgs: THIS IS 50, PART ONE. and THIS IS 50, PART TWO, I reviewed a number of topics I had covered in the first 49 and then added a few. It took me just over four years to reach the 50 mark and it’s taken just over five and a half years to get to 100. That’s almost ten years cumulatively to get to this point. If anyone is asking, I guess I’ve strove for quality and not quantity. I think this blahg should be another retrospective of this second set of 50 blahgs. Of course, I’ll leave off number 51 because that was THIS IS 50, PART TWO and was a summary of the previous 49 or 50. So let’s see how I do encapsulating the past blahgs in so many words.

51. This is 50, Part Two. I said I wasn’t going to look back on that one but I did add a few extra topics to round that one out. One of those was “Donald Trump”. Little did we know that five and half years later we would finally be rid of him. Let’s hope, like Covid 19, we don’t see a second wave of him. If there is a big new wave then hopefully he’s standing in front of it.

52. The Balancing Act. I had started a new job and was trying to balance a work and home life. I wasn’t doing so well. I was letting my wife pick up my slack. I hope I’ve done better since then. Ask me again after her Birthday. At least I wrote a new poem for it, “the balancing act”:

the balancing act

take a boy in a tree
legs akimbo
aware of sky and ground
trying to be somewhere in the middle
years pass
boy becomes older
bigger
maybe taller
maybe just bigger around the middle
maybe married
maybe children
maybe job
trying to stay balanced
on his limb
his own limbs flying
flying objects in the air
trying not to let anyone or anything
come crashing down

there’s no prize to keep your eyes on
you can’t look away
or everything falls away
maybe steal a glance here or there
at other boys in the tree
more likely other girls
but don’t let anyone catch you looking
certainly not the wife
sometimes you get a glimpse
of another part of the tree
the branch not taken
and you wonder

and in that instance
you drop something
your guard
your focus
and you shift
direction maybe
weight to another foot
and you pick up someone else’s load
maybe that parent
who climbed up after you
and now there’s things on your shoulders
more to bear
bear down
stay centered

some boys jump
walk way
from the jumble around the trunk
see the brass ring
maybe a selfish one
a way down
hide among the bushes
and be someone else
another boy

can’t be that way
this boy’s staked a spot
defend it
cherish it
wave off birds
other intruders
other boys
those other girls glimpsed from a distance

the balls are still in the air
plates spinning
head erect
eyes forward
no longer balancing
part of the tree
maybe the tree
rooted
beckoning to the other boys
catching their kites
so they have to come nearer
see this boy’s foliage

reaching out

calling out

climb up
climb up

stay awhile

53. It’s Never Too Late. I finally got the Micronauts Rocket Tubes I always wanted. That was in early 2016. I haven’t pulled them out since. I guess I didn’t want it all the much. Still, there’s the Canadian version from Sears that had the gliders. I’d really like that. Maybe it’s still not too late.

54. If I’d Be A Superman. I’ve always had a fascination with Superman. That blahg was not inspired by the film “Batman V. Superman, Dawn of Justice” which came out around the same time as that blahg. Nor is this blahg inspired by “Justice League – The Zack Snyder Cut.” Earlier this year I watched the 2015 documentary, “The Death of “Superman Lives”: What Happened?” Fascinating story of what might have happened if Nicholas Cage and Tim Burton had got together to make a Superman film. Unlike my last blahg, it’s far too late for that project.

55. A Class Act. That blahg was primarily about my experience with the band “I Fight Dragons” and trying to purchase some of their music for my daughter Abbie. Their lead singer Brian emailed me personally and made the transaction happen in time for Abbie’s birthday. Later this year, “I Fight Dragons” will release a new album “Side Quest: B-Sides And Rarities.” You can bet I’ll get that for my daughter’s birthday unless she buys it first. She’s still waiting for them to do a concert in Toronto but she’s still waiting on that. It might happen. It’s never too late. Sorry, I just had to put that in.

56. R.I.P. Jerry Lewis 2017. Jerry Lewis also had a blahg in the first 50, I SHINED JERRY LEWIS’ SHOE. This second blahg was another homage to a great comedian. We are lucky that a few more of his films have been released since his passing in 2017. In 2013, Jerry Lewis starred in the film “Max Rose”. It has yet to be released on DVD in North America. Here’s a trailer:

Come on people, RELEASE “MAX ROSE”!

57. Bridge City Again, Pirates, And Happy Birthday To Canada! It was Canada’s 150th Birthday in 2017 but the focus of that blahg was more about the music; specifically The Bridge City Dixieland Jazz Band and the Pat Riccio Quartet. Neither of those bands played together but it would have been truly thrilling if they had. Tom Caldwell, son of Bob Caldwell, the leader of The Bridge City Dixieland Jazz Band had read one of my blahgs where I had mentioned the band and he reached out to let me know how much Bob had enjoyed knowing there was someone still listening to the band. Bridge City only put out one album with 10 tracks but Tom Caldwell sent me a homemade CD of 21 tracks from the Band. Here’s one of those extra tracks, “Hindustan”:

Another portion of that blahg was dedicated to the Pat Riccio Quartet and I posted a YouTube video of them performing in the 1960s. It deserves to be reposted:

58. Happy Birthday To Me, 2017. I had an accident around my 55th Birthday. I had been riding my daughter’s scooter and wiped out. I don’t want to dwell on that. The last half of that blahg presented some tracks from a newly acquired copy of the album “The Pat Riccio Quartet Featuring Teddy Wilson” put out by Canadian Talent Library. Someone has posted the entire album on YouTube. You have to give this one a listen:

By the way, my Birthday is next month on September 23rd. I think I’ll avoid any scooter rides.

59. Celebrating Paul Quarrington. A great writer and a great musician who died too soon. He is missed. Back to YouTube for another tribute. I sing this song sometimes when I talk about my old body. It’s “This Old Body” by Paul Quarrington:

60. Being Sick On Christmas Is No Fun. True story. I was incredibly sick on Christmas Day 2017. I had to break my previous 55 year record of not going to the hospital on Christmas Day. Lots of meds and days of rest took away the worst sore throat I ever had. I lost Christmas that year. Last year we had to scale back Christmas due to Covid 19 and my daughter Emily and her husband Charlie couldn’t be with us. I’m hoping everyone will be home for Christmas this year. I think I’ll have to double down on the Fireworks for this year.

61. Goodbye 2017, The Year That Tried To Kill Me. It didn’t. There was that scooter accident and being sick on Christmas. There was also a strange back pain that sent me to a chiropractor. I’ve had worse since then. Did I mention that I fell and hurt my neck two weekends ago and was in the hospital overnight? I guess that story’s for another blahg.

62. A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Election. That was about the spring 2018 provincial election. Little did I know that Doug Ford would be elected Premier. When pigs fly or a cold day in July. Put on your parkas and watch the skies. Next year we vote him out.

63. Have You Read Any Good Books Lately? Yes, I have. I won’t review the books again that I reviewed back then. Instead, I’ll mention two that I recently read, “The Bigger They Come” and “The Knife Slipped” by Erle Stanley Gardner writing as A.A. Fair. Gardner is famous for creating and writing about Perry Mason. Cool and Lam is a fictional American private detective firm run by Bertha Cool with Donald Lam as her main operative. Gardner published 29 books in the series from 1939 to 1970. I first became interested in the Cool and Lam series due to my interest in Frank Sinatra. The second book in the series “Turn On the Heat” was adapted for the June 23, 1946, broadcast of Hour of Mystery with Frank Sinatra as the first actor to portray Donald Lam. Unfortunately that broadcast does not appear to circulate. I always thought about reading the book from the series, “Turn On The Heat”, that the broadcast was based on. That meant starting with the first book, which you can see to the left, “The Bigger They Come.” I thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s the late 1930s into the 1940s gritty detective novel.

I was then going to turn my attention to “Turn On The Heat” which was the second published book in the series. I discovered, however, that this wasn’t the second book written in the series because Gardner had written “The Knife Slipped” after “The Bigger They Come.” Here’s what Wikipedia says about it: “Originally written to be the second book in the Cool and Lam series but rejected by Gardner’s publisher, The Knife Slipped was found among Gardner’s papers and published for the first time in 2016.” ‎ Hard Case Crime published “The Knife Slipped” and after reading it, and enjoying it even more than “The Bigger They Come”, I was drawn back in again to that gritty thirties Los Angeles noir. Hard Case Crime also republished “Turn On The Heat” and that’s the copy I have to read next. I took a bit of a break after reading the first two because I already know the basic plot of “Turn On The Heat.” In 1958 there was a pilot filmed for a “Cool and Lam” TV series and the plot of the pilot was taken from “Turn On The Heat.” I’ve watched the pilot but I’ll get around to reading the book. Below is that pilot for what could have been a fascinating series. I still think Cool and Lam would be a good TV or movie series.

64. What Happened To Mr. Henderson? Pass. That was the start of my Dad’s health problems and a battle with Belleville General Hospital Dad died as a result of their negligence. To the left, is a picture of my Father in 2015 when he had better care from that hospital.

65. “16 Inches Of Trouble” Or “Like Father Like Son”. This was one I enjoyed writing. It was about purchasing a 16 inch transcription record of Frank Sinatra and learning how to eventually play it and record it. You should read the whole blahg, “16 INCHES OF TROUBLE” OR “LIKE FATHER LIKE SON”, because it explains everything step by step. If you just want the introduction and then the finished solution, check out the two videos below.

In the last part of the blahg, the “Like Son” refers to my son Noah and his fascination and continued career in producing videos about analog film technology through Super 8mm, 35mm photo, and Polaroid instant film and into other forgotten film technologies. You can check out his YouTube channel here at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCL9A6v7YSOOVXwCpao6Bszg. You can also find links to sponsor him at Patreon. I make a cameo or two.

66. The Jazz Band That Wasn’t…But Was! This is also another of my post 50 blahgs that I really like. It’s all about The Left Bank Bearcats who were a mysterious french band doing New Orleans style jazz recorded after hours at the Maison Diabolique in Paris. The truth was the albums actually were recorded in Philadelphia by American musicians. The three albums were Dixieland played by the Left Bank Bearcats, The Left Bank Bearcats Take George M. Cohan to Dixieland, and The Left Bank Bearcats in ‘Stereo’ (or The Left Bank Bearcats in “Hi-Fi” depending on what edition you had). I had found Dixieland played by the Left Bank Bearcats at a thrift store and that’s what started me into researching the band. It’s a fascinating story and in the blahg, THE JAZZ BAND THAT WASN’T…BUT WAS! you can find more information and links to download all three albums. Here’s the first song from that first album, “Monsieur Redwing” and it’s a swinger:

67. Some Christmas Stories. If you can’t figure out what that blahg is about by the title then maybe I shouldn’t tell you. Okay, twist my arm, I’ll tell you. For the past number of years I’ve written a new Christmas story. From that blahg, and from my Christmas collection “Proof For Believing”, here’s “Billy Built A Robot Christmas Morning.” I wrote this around 2005 and the reason I posted it in the Some Christmas Stories blahg was because I was thinking about writing a sequel Christmas story about Billy and what happened to him when he got older. I did write that sequel but I’ll get to that later.

Billy Built A Robot Christmas Morning

The first thing Billy did was to build a robot. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. The first thing Billy did was to wake up Christmas morning, open all of his presents, and express his extreme dissatisfaction at not getting the Grim Reaper 4 video game.

“It’s too violent,” his parents said. “You need something educational,” said his mother, “not something that’s all about killing and destroying stuff.”

So Billy built a robot. At first it was difficult. He didn’t grasp all of the principles of building the robot. He didn’t understand how to connect certain elements or to build a self-contained renewable energy pack to power the robot. And then there were the principles of motor control and incorporating a simulated brain with cognitive features allowing it to understand and carry out specified instructions. What did Billy know about any of these things? He was only ten.

So Billy used the Internet. There were numerous websites explaining certain codes and how to enable certain features. He even went to a chat room and talked for an hour with a guy in Canada who had managed to build a fleet of robots capable of recreating other robots in their own image. “Robots who built robots,” Billy thought. “That’s cool.”

It took quite some time for Billy to build his own Robot but when it was completed he was very pleased with himself. This Robot would be better than any others he had researched. It would obey only Billy and do his bidding.

So Billy set the Robot loose. At first it fumbled around and crashed through a few walls. It was bulky and its weight was considerable enough to cause extensive damage wherever it went. “Cool,” Billy exclaimed.

Then Billy maneuvered the Robot down the street and had it smash a few cars. People ran in terror when they saw the Robot. Billy didn’t care about the people. He could hurt them if he wanted too. He had learned from the Internet how to bi-pass certain inhibitors that would normally prevent the Robot from causing harm or even damaging things like walls and cars. But Billy would not allow his Robot to hurt any people. His parents wouldn’t like that. But eating cars and smashing buildings was cool and nobody got hurt.

Billy wasn’t sure what he should really do with his Robot. After a while he got bored of just having the Robot walk around and destroy things. He could try and build other robots like that guy in Canada but then what do you do with a bunch of robots other than having them destroy more stuff?

So Billy set his thoughts on world domination. He didn’t think about his parents anymore and he hardly even thought about Grim Reaper 4. This Robot thing was way cooler.

So time passed and Billy built more robots and appointed his first Robot as their leader. But they all followed Billy’s commands. At first they just all walked around destroying stuff but Billy soon commanded them to destroy only really important stuff so that the people would all be really scared of the robots. Sometimes some people shot at the robots but Billy had learned the trick to making his robots invincible. This just made the people angrier and they shot more stuff at the robots and there were explosions and things that made Billy more excited.

Eventually the robots destroyed all of the cities and the people followed the robots through the countryside. Some of them still shot stuff at the robots but most just followed the robots because there was nothing else to do.

The Robot that Billy built first always walked in the front. He was the biggest. Billy had made some changes to him and had given him laser eyes so he could destroy buildings and stuff from a distance. Some of the other robots looked just like the first Robot but they could do different things. Some had saw blades for hands and others had cannons in their chests. There was this one robot that Billy really thought was cool that had treads on the bottom of its feet so it could run through forests and destroy trees and stuff.

Eventually with all of the cities destroyed, there was nothing much left to do but to set up a post from where he could rule the world. That was easy. First he found a city that was all surrounded by water and he had the robots destroy all of the bridges. Then Billy had the robots build a fortress. That was cool. The robots kept anybody from going in there that weren’t robots.

All of the people who were on this new island city ran around and screamed and stuff but Billy didn’t care. He looked over this new island and thought this is probably the best spot where no one could hurt his robots. He could hear the people all yelling and stuff but he didn’t care.

“Billy!” Billy could hear one of the people calling his name. Why would someone be shouting his name?

“Billy!” Billy vaguely recognized the voice. He hadn’t heard it in a while but he was sure it was his mother’s voice.

“Billy!” Billy turned about looking for the source of the voice.

“Billy, shut off that robot video game. You’ve been playing it all day. Now shut it off and come to Christmas dinner.

The End

68. Another Christmas Memory. This one was dedicated to the first time I heard Frank Sinatra’s 1991 version of “Silent Night”. It was probably ten years ago and I was driving and listening to Warm 101.3 FM out of Syracuse, NY. They play Christmas all throughout the month of December and it’s a good way to get into the holiday spirit. I was aware that there was a version of “Silent Night” recorded by Frank Sinatra in 1991 and I didn’t have it. I had never heard it before because it had been released in 1991 on an obscure CD called “The Christmas Album…A Gift of Hope”. Well, sure enough, Warm 101.3 played it and I was amazed by the vocal. It was the elder Sinatra backed by Frank Sinatra Jr. on piano and a choir. A failing voice that was tender and cracked but with emotion that almost made me cry. Give it a listen:

There was another version recorded on the same day in 1991 with just Bill Miller on the piano. It would not be released until 2004 when it was a bonus track on “The Frank Sinatra Christmas Collection”. Thirteen years between releases? Of course, Sinatra had died by then, back in 1998, but we at least had an alternate take on the last song he ever recorded. Here’s that version of Sinatra singing “Silent Night” backed by Bill Miller:

Two Christmas songs on a hot day in August of 2021? Only here folks!

69. Welcome 2019…I’m Ready For You! I wasn’t. I had been lamenting some of my struggles in 2018 and was looking forward to 2019 being a better year. I did the Polar Dip for the first time that year. Unfortunately my Dad died two weeks later. I wasn’t ready for that at all. The only good thing to say about this blahg, was that I finished the sequel to “Billy Built A Robot Christmas Morning” and the sequel had its debut in this blahg:

BILLY’S BEST WORST CHRISTMAS EVER

This is the story of Billy but it’s not really his first story. Let me be clear I’m the author and I’m the one writing this story. I felt I needed to say that because I’m not sure if Billy is a good character or if he’s redeemable or worth redeeming. That’s what this story will determine.

We first met Billy in a story I wrote entitled “Billy Built A Robot Christmas Morning.” I guess he was about nine or ten. I never really gave it any thought. He wasn’t really likeable although I liked the story I wrote. But I’ve been thinking about Billy lately. I got to wondering how he turned out.

I was getting my hair cut not that long ago and I heard two women discussing what you get a 14 year old for Christmas. There were comments about it being a tough age and everything is electronic and gift options were limited. Really? I would think a good swift kick in the pants might be a good option. That last comment, like the good swift kick, should be aimed squarely at Billy.

Let me be clear, I don’t dislike 14 year olds or teenagers in that age range. I don’t even dislike Billy. I just think that all the stories today are about teenagers who get to save the world, as if there weren’t some more suitable older or even senior adults able to do that, or the teens are lost and struggling and you’re not really sure if they’re likeable or capable of redemption. I just would like to know where Billy fits into all of this. He’s going to be 14 in this story and we’ll see what happens.

So, I’m going to give Billy one more chance. He could be a good character but that’s up to him. When you have nothing to lose then you have everything to gain. I didn’t make that up. I’m just remembering that from somewhere. But that fits Billy. Let’s find out.

—————

Billy came home from school on at the start of his Christmas vacation on December 22^nd to find a note pinned to the door of his home:

Billy, we’ve gone away for Christmas and we’ve taken Logan with us. Everything you need is at Grandma at Grandpa Thompson’s. Don’t try the door because it’s locked and we’ve armed the alarm with a new code.

Merry Christmas.

Mom & Dad

All Billy could think to say was “they took Logan?” Logan was his dog. Well, it was more the family dog. Billy had whined long and hard about having a dog and when his parents gave in, like they always did, he got a beagle for no particular occasion.

Billy was good with Logan in the beginning and did his best to feed him and walk him and clean up after him but when that became too much for him, or more to the point Billy lost interest, Mom and Dad provided for Logan. But still, “they took Logan?” What was that all about? They went away for Christmas and they took the family dog and left Billy behind?

Of course, I could tell you what that was all about. I am the author after all. Simply put, Mom and Dad had had enough…not with caring for Logan but with Billy not caring at all.

Billy tried the door. It was locked. He wondered if he should try his key. Maybe that part about changing the alarm code wasn’t true. He decided against that. No, this seemed all too real but he thought he’d better look around a bit.

Billy pressed his face up against the window in the door. He couldn’t see anything. It wasn’t dark but his view was only of the entrance hall and there was nothing there. He tried the living room window. Nothing there either. Oh, he could see the Christmas tree and all of the decorations but no sign of Mom and Dad.

“This makes no sense,” he said aloud to no one in particular. It really didn’t make any sense as far as he was concerned. Throughout the month of December his parents had been fools about Christmas. The decorations and the lights came out early and the tree went up and the holiday specials annoyed Billy for the whole month. Of course Billy had nothing to do with any of it. He shook his head at all that holiday nonsense. It had been too much for him and he had retreated to the sanctity of his room and his video games.

Of course, you and I can see it plainer than Billy. His Mom and Dad had tried to make a Christmas but Billy didn’t want to be a part of it. He wanted Christmas day and the presents and the dinner and that was it. No wonder Mom and Dad had split with Logan.

“What about the presents and the dinner?” Billy was getting good at talking to himself.

Mom had been baking all month and there had been cookies and squares and tarts and all kinds of things that Billy did indulge enjoy. He didn’t help bake anything but he really liked sampling them. He always ignored his mother’s pleas to “leave those alone” or “save some for others” or “you’ll spoil your dinner.” It was like a game to Billy. He never thought his mother was really upset. That was just what mothers do or say. The truth is that’s what Billys do or say. And Billys never think. But boy was he thinking now.

“Grandma and Grandpa’s?” His utterings would have been comical to anyone walking by who heard this all coming from a 14 year old boy with his nose pressed against the living room window of a house that was armed and alarmed by owners who took their dog and left for Christmas and left their son to Grandma and Grandpa.

“Grandma and Grandpa’s?” he asked himself again. It was a fate worse than death. They had no internet and no cable television. They had rabbit ears and got three channels and one of those was public broadcasting. Public broadcasting, Billy thought, was for toddlers and old people. He wasn’t any of those. “Great, more Christmas specials,” he said to the window. Billy thought that with his parents gone he’d at least dodge that bullet. He called that wrong.

Grandma and Grandpa’s house was on the other side of town. It was a long walk and it would not help much with Billy’s mood. Maybe they’d be gone too. Maybe there’d be another note pinned to the door passing him on to other relatives until he came full circle back to his own home and it would all have been a cruel joke and his parents with Logan would be there to greet him.

No such luck. Grandma and Grandpa were home.

“Your parents dropped off what they thought you needed. We put everything up in the spare room,” Grandma said. “Oh, and they left this note.”

Great, another note, Billy thought. Here’s where the gag would be revealed and they’d all have a good laugh…at his expense. Again, no such luck.

Billy, listen to Grandma and Grandpa. Their house, their rules. We have left you no electronics. Don’t even try your phone. We’ve cancelled your plan. No texts, no data, no calls. Don’t forget to wear your boots.

Merry Christmas.

Mom & Dad

Billy reeled with the horror. He tried his phone. Nothing worked. Emergency Service only. Would 911 consider his plight an emergency? He dashed up the stairs to the spare room. The note didn’t lie. There were no electronics. No game consoles. No hand-held game systems. No tablet, no laptop. But there were boots.

“I’m not wearing those,” he said to the room. Surprisingly, the room didn’t answer.

The next day, Billy wore the boots.

It had been a rough night. He had pressed Grandma and Grandpa for answers but they gave none. All they would say was that he was there for Christmas and they’d see about New Year’s. Nothing about Mom and Dad and Logan and his cancelled Christmas. Nothing about the presents and the dinner. Nothing about anything. He had hid out in the room. The blankets were wool and itched. Oh, and it snowed.

Overnight the landscape had turned to white and Billy’s expensive running shoes were useless. Two feet of snow and climbing.

“Doesn’t beat the seven feet of snow they had in Buffalo a few years ago,” Grandpa said as he shook Billy awake the next morning.

“What?” was all Billy could manage at seven o’clock. His eyes were hardly open and the room was too cold. “Why do old people always like it so cold”, he thought. He knew better that to at least say that out loud.

“Shovelling first,” Grandpa went on, “and then Breakfast and then shopping. Get a move on.” Grandpa whipped off the blankets before flipping on the lights and leaving the room.

“Could this get any worse?” Billy said to the room. The room was a good listener. It was not much on small talk but it didn’t laugh at him for talking to himself.

Billy struggled out of the bed and into his clothes. At least his parents had provided him with what seemed like enough clothes for a long stay. And he put on the boots and a toque and gloves and a scarf. All provided courtesy of his parents. Bundled that way, no one would recognize him. At least he had his anonymity to cling to if he wanted it…oh and he wanted it.

“This is my grandson, Billy, and he’s going to shovel your driveway. Merry Christmas.” Grandpa didn’t know anything about anonymity.

Not only did Billy have to shovel Grandma and Grandpa’s driveway but they insisted on introducing him to every elderly neighbor on the block and extending them the courtesy of Billy’s free labor. Billy wasn’t one for good deeds but Grandpa kept an eye him until everything was done. Five driveways and aching arms later, it was time for breakfast.

“Oatmeal, there’s nothing like it on a cold morning,” Grandma said as she spooned out a good sized bowl’s worth. Billy glared at it. There was no sugar. The milk was skim or non-fat or something he’d rather avoid. At least they let him have some coffee. It was too strong. There was no sugar. The milk was skim or non-fat…you get the drift.

This was really shaping up to be an awful holiday for Billy. First, no Christmas and now no sugar and some liquid that passed almost as white water. At least he had the shopping to look forward to. He had some money on him and maybe he could buy himself something to make it all passable.

They drove to the Bulk House. Everything was in bulk. Grandma and Grandpa bought fifty rolls each of paper towels and toilet paper. Oh, but there were vegetables. Billy had to heft a fifty pound sack of potatoes out to the car. That didn’t include the 20 pounds of carrots or the big bag of onions. Billy had to huddle in the back with groceries. Grandpa said his summer tires were in the trunk.

That evening, dinner consisted of fish with, you guessed it, boiled potatoes, carrots, and onions. The evening also consisted of watching a Christmas movie with Grandma and Grandpa. They insisted. It was A Christmas Carol. Of course it would be. This story is about redemption and what better tale happens at Christmas about redemption than Ebenezer Scrooge’s own? I don’t mean to hit the reader over the head with this but I thought that Billy might need some poking.

The next morning, being the day before Christmas, Billy did indeed wake to some poking. It was Grandpa again.

“Up and at ‘em, boy, it snowed another foot in the night. You know the routine. Shoveling first, then breakfast, then shopping.” Grandpa jerked the covers back again before leaving the room.

“What time does he even get up?” Billy muttered. Again, the room had no response.

Five more driveways plus Grandma and Grandpa’s. Breakfast was fried potatoes and toast. The margarine was cheap and hard. It tore the toast. Billy flavored his semi-milk with some coffee this time. It wasn’t a welcomed change.

Shopping consisted of another trip back to the Bulk House. This time it was just Grandpa and Billy. They did not go inside. Grandpa bought a Christmas tree from the man who sold them at a corner of the parking lot. There was some haggling between Grandpa and the vendor. Billy tried to hide among the pre-cut forest. Apparently this was a ritual for Grandma and Grandpa. They waited until the 24^th before buying their tree. At least Billy didn’t have to suffer that too much.

Billy, however, did suffer. He counted his scratches. Guess who had to help lift it on the roof and drag it in the house and crawl underneath the tree and help balance it in the stand until Grandma declared it was perfect? Not Grandpa, I can tell you that.

You know I hate to see anyone suffer; especially at Christmas. I’d like to say I take no joy in seeing my boy Billy suffer but I don’t want to lie to you reader. Billy has to suffer. Without the suffering there’s no motivation for change. After all, haven’t I caused him enough anguish by cancelling his Christmas and packing him off to his Grandparents and then having him break his back with a shovel only to suffer yet another fruitless trip to the Bulk House where he got nothing for himself again except the scrapes he’s now counting? I thought the message of A Christmas Carol would have been plain enough for him. What’s it going to take?

After the tree decorating, Grandpa delighted in beating Billy twice at Cribbage. Billy hadn’t played in years and Grandpa made sure to collect all of the points for himself that Billy missed in error.

“Your head’s not in the game, boy,” Grandpa stated after the second defeat. At least Billy was only skunked in the second game. The first game had ended in a double skunk with Grandpa declaring that Billy should study harder in school because math obviously wasn’t his strong suit if he couldn’t realize what cards added up to fifteen.

Billy escaped. After the game he wore the boots again and trudged down the block to the corner store. Grandma had sent him there twice the day before for bread and then the watered down milk. Not only did she forget to stalk up on these when she was at the Bulk House, she couldn’t even remember everything she needed so she wouldn’t have to send him out more than once.

This time, Billy went for himself. He still had his money. He bought a soda and rejoiced in the sugar. He eyed the magazines but found he was not old enough for some and the others were nothing he’d care to read. Your corner store doesn’t usually stock in the latest gamer magazines.

While Billy was enjoying the sweetness of the soda he thought about the lack of sugar at Grandma and Grandpa’s. He bought some sugar cubes, a carton of good milk possibly 50 proof, and some coffee creamer. Given the exorbitant prices at the corner store, Billy soon found his spending money well depleted. He bought a Christmas bag with his loose change. He’d put the sugar, milk, and creamer in that and that would be his gift to his Grandparents.

Dinner was cabbage and pork-roll. Oh yes, and baked potatoes and more carrots.

The movie that night was “It’s A Wonderful Life.” It had been a while since Billy had sat through it in its entirety.

Billy lay awake long into the night. You would think that redeeming thoughts of histories of his youth or a life lived by others without him or visions of sugar plums at the very least would have been dancing in his head. No, instead he thought of this Christmas lived without him. Mom and Dad and Logan were probably on some beach somewhere or at some mountain resort thinking of anything but Billy. He began to wallow in his own misery. He piled on everything from the cancelled Christmas to the pine needles he had had to shake from his hair. Grandpa had said that wouldn’t have happened if Billy got a haircut once in a while.

Billy finally drifted off to sleep feeling thoroughly sorry for himself and wondering what type of potato would greet him for Christmas dinner…if there was a Christmas dinner.

The room was very warm when he awoke. No one had whisked away the covers. He had kicked them off himself. And it was still dark.

Billy looked about the room. There was a glow from the street light but he could only see shadows in the room.

“Hey room, Merry Christmas,” Billy called out in the dark. It was meant as sarcasm.

“Merry Christmas yourself Billy,” the room replied.

Billy bolted up in the bed. He reached over and turned on the lamp beside his bed. The light was suddenly too bright in the close darkness. Eventually the shadows became blurs and then shadows again and then he saw it…saw him…Santa Claus

“Merry Christmas Billy,” Santa said.

Billy rubbed his eyes. No, this couldn’t be. He closed his eyes tight for a few seconds and then opened them again. It was no use. He was still there. And it was Santa. Billy knew this right off. It wasn’t Grandpa or anyone else dressed up like Santa. It was the real Santa.

Billy looked Santa over. Red suit and real beard. He looked just like a thousand images of Santa he had seen in print or on television or in the movies. The image was immediately recognizable and true to his own memories of what he thought Santa looked like. Not that Billy ever thought of Santa Claus these days. That was kids’ stuff.

“Merry Christmas Billy”, Santa said again.

“You said that already,” Billy pointed out. Billy didn’t mean to be flippant but what do you say to Santa when he shows up in the middle of the night at your grandparents’ house after you’d been dreaming of your thoroughly miserable Christmas.

“And would it kill you to say it back?” Santa asked. Apparently Santa was not opposed to being flippant.

“Merry Christmas,” Billy replied, “but you can’t be…” Billy trailed off what he was going to say. Why couldn’t he be Santa Claus? Nothing else that had happened to him lately made any sense.

“Oh, but I can be and I am.” Santa looked around the room. “What, no cookies and milk?”

“I’m not a kid you know”, Billy found himself answering. “That stuff’s just for kids.” Again it was the kids’ stuff guiding his thoughts. Substitute Bah Humbug and you will understand what Billy was getting at.

“The cookies aren’t for the kids, they’re for me. I’m for the kids. But I’m not just for children Billy. I came because you need me.” Santa shook a mittened hand in Billy’s direction.

“I don’t need anything”, Billy replied in defiance. “I’ve got everything I need.” Billy shook his own hand back at Santa.

“No Christmas, potatoes galore, scratched up arms, and pine needles in your hair. I guess you do have everything.” Santa was good at stating the obvious.

Billy ran his fingers through his hair. It was true. There were still some pine needles clinging to his scalp. At least he could thank Santa for that.

“You see Billy, you really don’t have anything. Listening to me might just change that. When you have nothing to lose then you have everything to gain.” Santa sat down on the bed. “I heard that somewhere and it bears repeating.” Told you so, reader.

Billy couldn’t think of anything to say. Santa was right…on all accounts.

“You once needed me Billy and I used to come to you every year. You were always a delight when you were sleeping. Still are. I bet your parents would say that about you now. It’s the waking times that need a little polishing.”

“Thanks a lot Santa,” Billy snapped.

“It’s only the truth. Don’t blame the messenger,” Santa replied without buying into Billy’s anger. “Then you grew up. You thought you knew it all. You didn’t want anything. Or if you did, your parents gave it to you. I blame them for expelling me from your life. What do you need me for after they break the illusion? Still, you didn’t have to buy into it all and let it run your life.”

“I thought you said I needed you?” Billy asked. The sarcasm was creeping back in.

“You do. You did and then you didn’t and now you do.”

Billy looked confused.

“It’s like this”, Santa continued. “When you are little you need the magic and the wonder and I’m there for that. When you got older you didn’t need that anymore or maybe you didn’t want it. But boy do you need it now.” Santa was shaking his hand at Billy again. “You’ve lost something and it isn’t just this Christmas. You’ve lost all your Christmases. You gave them up. Thought you didn’t need them. There’s an emptiness in you that you can’t find a way to fill. No video game’s going to give you back that.”

Billy stared at Santa. He had cut Billy to the core; only because it was true. Santa was right. It wasn’t just this Christmas. Billy had walked away from all of that the first Christmas he didn’t get everything he wanted. The memory of not getting the Grim Reaper 4 video game came back to his mind. That was the morning he had built the robot. But that’s the other story.

Santa reached over to pat Billy on the arm. Billy thought about quickly pulling his arm away but he didn’t. Billy felt the touch. It was real. It was true. Everything Santa had said was true. There was truth in the words and Billy knew it. The truth was the one thing that Billy would never have thought to ask for but the one thing he needed most.

“Don’t think on it too much kid”, Santa went on. “I’ve given you a gift. It might not have been anything you wanted but sometimes it’s the things we need that are the best gifts received.”

Santa stood up and stood beside the bed for the moment looking into Billy’s eyes. He reached out to shut off the lamp. Just before he did he turned back to Billy and said “and that was a nice touch about the sugar cubes, milk, and creamer. Now go and find your own Christmas.” The light went out, the room grew colder, and Santa was gone.

Billy lay in the bed trembling for a long time. He wasn’t sure if it was the coldness of the room or what had just happened. He pulled up the blankets and hunkered down. He couldn’t be sure if what just happened really happened or if he’d been dreaming. Soon he slept again.

In the morning Billy woke to a strange sound. He didn’t recognize it right away. It was like bells in the distance and it stirred him. Church Bells? Christmas Bells? No, it was his phone. The chiming signified he had a message.

Billy snatched up his phone. It was working again. The service was back on. There were about a dozen texts from friends wondering where he was or what he got for Christmas or bragging about their own gifts. And there was a text from Mom and Dad:

Billy, there’s a gift for you at the house. We’ve disarmed the alarm and we’ve restored your phone service.

Merry Christmas.

Mom & Dad

Billy practically flew out of bed. It was Christmas and there was a gift. After dressing he ran down the stairs and called out to Grandma and Grandpa. They must have gone out or were sleeping in. He left his gift bag for them on the table. They’d find it.

Billy didn’t care that it was cold out or that it had snowed again. He was just glad he hadn’t been awoken by Grandpa hovering over him with a shovel. There was a spring back in Billy’s step and the walk home didn’t seem half as long as normal.

Billy tried his key in the lock. It opened. No alarm went off to spoil it all. But there was something. Billy smelled bacon. And there was music. Okay, it was Christmas music but he’d take that over alarms ringing. And then Logan was there jumping up at him. And Mom. And Dad.

“What?” Billy started. But it stuck in his throat.

“Merry Christmas son.” Dad was at his side pulling off Billy’s toque.

“Stamp that snow off your boots,” Mom said appearing in the hall with Grandma and Grandpa.

“Merry Christmas boy,” Grandpa said. “More snow hunh? Still, it doesn’t beat what they got in Buffalo a few years ago.”

“I know, seven feet of snow in Buffalo,” Billy replied. Billy found himself chuckling at what he said.

“You’re just in time for breakfast,” Grandma said. “Bacon and eggs and toast and waffles if you want them.”

“What, no hash browns or home-fried potatoes?” Billy asked. Billy gave off with another laugh.

“Thought you’d had your fill of potatoes?” Grandma replied.

But there were potatoes. Mashed potatoes with dinner. And turkey, And stuffing. And gravy. And just about everything that makes Christmas dinner Christmas dinner. And pie for desert. Mom’s apple and Grandma’s pumpkin. He hadn’t missed them.

Before dinner but after breakfast, there were presents. Billy hadn’t expected anything so no matter what he got, he thoroughly welcomed the presents. There was even the Grim Reaper 4 video game. Dad had found it in a retro game shop. Billy put it away. He didn’t need it right now.

In the afternoon he beat Grandpa two straight games of Cribbage. He loaded the dishwasher. He even walked Logan.

That night, Billy lay in bed and thought back on the day. He hadn’t even asked his parents what it had all been about. Had they been there the whole time? Should he have tried his key that day after school? He didn’t care. He had lost something and now he had got it back. He had found his Christmas.

Billy didn’t really know if Santa Claus had really come to him. It might have been too many potatoes or too many movies with Christmas spirts or angels. He couldn’t be sure.

“Merry Christmas room.” Billy waited for a reply. There was none and that was okay. Still, he wish he knew for sure.

The next year he took no chances and he hung up his stocking and left out cookies and milk. Logan ate them all.

The End.

70. The Passing Of George Arthur Henderson. Hard Pass. I don’t want to talk about it. Here’s a picture of my Father in the years before he died, I’ll just remember his life.

71. Me And My Grief. I still don’t want to talk about it. It took me over a month to write another blahg and two months before I processed my grief by writing a poem about it.

when my father died

when my father died
sorrow eluded me

the anger at an unexpected
yet accepted passing
two day decline
to death
shadowed
by the chaos
of this life
and to do
forcing the stack
higher
pushed to the side
hoping for each thing
to be swallowed
as natural compost

when my father died
there were no services
no prolonged goodbye
no chance at words
an anagram perhaps
of a life summed up
rearranged to a sign post
that way onward for him
or this way for the living

when my father died
I carried on
tackled some things
tossed others to the tower
tried facing forwards
sometimes a sideways glance
to the pile
checking that it was still there
all the things that still bound me
to my father

weeks passed
after he passed
and the pile shifted
fell
trapping me beneath
grief appearing
finally
again unexpected
yet accepted
all consuming
a sad song
purposefully on repeat
all things
that were just things
collapsing over me

grief and I became close
buried together
hating and fighting
biting and scratching
hating mostly
everything and everyone
selfishness and pain
my true friends
nothing else

then someone sat with me
learned of
his death
my struggles
heard the spewing
took it all in
listened
to the stories
and all the grief
given out
in gasping breaths
until it had been shared
and the rubble was just
rubble
flotsam
easier to pick through
sort into importance
or not

when my father died
I had no time
no
made no time
to break
to grieve
to fashion truths
into a grave marker
or a trail marker

when my father died
I accepted
what needed to be done
the list
at once unsurmountable
but somehow
manageable
until that last thing done
releases him from me
and all I have
is memories
and my grief
that guides me
from here to there
this place to that place
where he has gone
and sends his beacon

72. P.M.R. Polymyalgia Rheumatica. Look it up. It’s nasty at any age. I was on Prednisone for two years before weaning off at the end of June this year. I took the initials and made puns. If I had to sum it up, I’d say the Pain’s Mostly Receded but I’m always afraid it Possibly Might Return. If it does call for me again I’ll go into hiding and Post My Regrets. P.M.R. sucks. ‘Nuff said.

73. Emily’s Wedding. A Hell Of A Tether. I was floundering around with my grief and my pain and had forgotten that Emily was getting married. I managed, with the Prednisone, to get my pain under control and with the help of a Grief Counselor I addressed my grief. She suggested I find something to tether myself to and the goal of walking Emily down the aisle became that tether. If you want to see/hear a funny and moving speech from a Father who wrote nothing down, then check this out:

74. Polymyalgia Redux And More Polly Tics. Enough about the Polymyalgia and how it came back in the fall of 2019 with a vengeance. The other part of that blahg was dedicated to the fall 2019 Federal election. Now we’re going to have yet another Federal election next month. Andrew Scheer of the Conservatives is gone but Erin O’toole is leading that party now. I don’t trust him. The Liberals under Justin Trudeau are going to try to change their minority to a majority. Is it the right time to hold an election? There is still that pandemic and some people don’t want to go to the polls. Politicians Might Rally and some Politicians Might Reel. We’ll soon find out.

75. Who I Am. That’s a good question and a good place to leave off with Part 1 of This Is 100. Who I Am isn’t really a question but rather a declaration. I’m a son, a husband, a Father, a Father-In Law, a friend, a writer, a pain sufferer, a griever, a music fan, and a hundred or thousand or million other things rolled into this old body. I tried to encapsulate everything in that one blahg. I think I fell short. I also posted a 2000 video by the singer Jessica Andrews with the title “Who I AM”.

Who I am is defined and undefined. The truth is, however, like this blahg, “This Is 100”, I am a work in progress. Stay tuned.

Tags:FRANK SINATRA, Jerry Lewis, Left Bank Bearcats, Pat Riccio Quartet, Scott Henderson, Scott Henderson. False Ducks, The Bridge City Dixieland Jazz Band
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Posts Tagged ‘Scott Henderson’

First up is Les Brown Jr. with his album, “Wildest Drums Yet!” This is on the Crescendo label.

In researching Les Brown Jr., I discovered that he passed away on January 9th of this year, 2023. Here’s the Variety obituary for him:

Les Brown Jr., a musician whose entertainment career also included acting, writing, directing and producing, died of cancer Jan. 9 at his home in Branson, Mo, his family announced. He was 82.

Brown Jr. was the son of composer and band leader Les Brown Sr., who led Les Brown and His Band of Renown. After the death of his father in 2001, Brown became the full-time leader of his father’s band, continuing to perform throughout the world and in a regular big band show in Branson, Mo.

He later hosted a national radio show on the “Music of Your Life” network, and most recently a show titled after the Band of Renown on SiriusXM’s 40s Junction.

Brown Jr. was born in New York City in 1940 to Les and Claire Brown. He will be remembered for his love of horseback riding, sports cars and his dog, Romeo.

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From the album “Wildest Drums Yet!” here is “One Mint Julep”:

And the title track, “Wildest Drums Yet”:

Moving on down the list, we come to the Omega Jazzband. I don’t know much about this band so I’d normally direct anyone to the rear cover of the album to learn more. Here are the front and rear covers:

Yes, you probably have noticed that the rear cover liner notes are in German. Here’s the Google translation:

John Hendrik from Rias Berlin had written a query looking for the most popular Berlin jazz band. Result: No. 1: Omega jazz band. This result will not surprise connoisseurs and fans, because the happy jazz, which the group has been playing for 12 years, inspires every listener anew.

The band has been playing together for 6 years with Michael (Mike) Littbarski trumpet, Wolfgang Banaskiwitz clarinet, sax, vocals, Cordes Hauer trombone, vocals, Karsten Krempien banjo, vocals, Manfred (Duddi) Duttkowski bass and Hagen Kauffman drums, percussion .

Band leader is Hagen Kauffmann. He collects and smokes pipes, is usually always in a good mood, knows all the bars in Berlin and drums with a beard.

Mike Littbarski is the musical leader of the group. He plays about 500 pieces, loves vodka, coca, pizza, women, needs little sleep and adores Louis Armstrong.

Wolfgang Banaskiwitz, on the other hand, needs a lot of sleep. He likes to eat well, loves France in addition to his music and plays with a beard.

The only pedestrian is Cordes Hauer. He collects wire-rimmed glasses and antique dolls, adores Eddie Condon jazz and sings with a beard.

Karsten Krempien is a wild car driver. Besides dents, he also collects banjos. He likes to eat, but drinks even more and makes sure the group is in good spirits. He also sings with a beard.

Manfred Duttkowski is the bass man -a hobbyist of stature. He always has his tool box with him.

When listening to this record, something of the good mood and the cheerful music will surely stick in the listener.

I did find an image for a music festival poster in 1970 that mentions the Omega Jazzband:

I’m also going to offer up “Ice Cream” which I find myself singing lately but not the version by Omega Jazzband. That song will be included later in this blahg but performed by a different band.

Beverly Kenney was not someone with whom I was familiar. The album cover for “Born To Be Blue” struck me as seductive and sultry and I’m a sucker for vocals by singers that were previously unknown to me.

In researching Beverly Kenney, I discovered that her life was short and sad. Here are some excerpts from her Wikipedia entry:

Beverly Kenney (January 29, 1932, Harrison, New Jersey – April 13, 1960, Greenwich Village, New York City) was an American jazz singer.

Kenney’s career began as a birthday singer for Western Union. After moving to New York City, she recorded a demo tape in 1954 with Tony Tamburello (the demo was released in its entirety in 2006 under the title Snuggled on Your Shoulder).

Kenney attempted suicide twice and succeeded the third time ingesting a combination of alcohol and Seconal on April 12, 1960, in a one room apartment in the University Residence Hotel located at 45 East 11th Street in Greenwich Village, Manhattan, New York.

Very tragic indeed. A beautiful voice who obviously struggled with mental health and possibly addictions. Here’s a video of her during happier times on “Playboy’s Penthouse” and yes you do get to view the duet she did with Hugh Hefner.

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Fresh Sound Records have issued many of her albums on CDs with bonus tracks. You can check out her artist page at https://www.freshsoundrecords.com/search?controller=search&orderby=position&orderway=desc&search_query=beverly+kenney&submit_search=

I think I’ll let her music now speak for itself. Most of the tracks on “Born To Be Blue” are very lush and Beverly’s voice evokes a sadness that was probably representative of her life. Give a listen to the title track “Born To Be Blue”:

I like the whole album but there are moments of tenderness that are not as depressing and Beverly herself mentions on the liner notes she really wanted to do “Beyond The Next Hill” which is a more hopeful tune.

Okay, let’s move on with something more upbeat. It’s back to Dixieland with Pete Daily’s Dixieland Band

I noticed from the liner notes on the back cover that the musicians varied on some of the tracks. This album was released in 1950 and might have been a compilation but no other details are available. Let’s get back to swinging with the old chestnut, “When The Saints Go Marching In”:

I’ll slow it down ever so slightly with a song titled “I Want To Linger.” And yes wouldn’t we all like to linger longer with this band on a sunny day?

Keeping with the Jazz but travelling back around the world, we’re going to draw on Australia and hear from Frank Traynor’s Jazz Preachers with their self-titled 1967 album.

Here’s a little bit of information about Frank Traynor from his Wikipedia entry:

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Next up is Judith Durham and Traynor’s Preachers performing “Jelly Bean Blues”:

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I guess you can see that a lot of the records in this blahg fall into the Jazz or Dixieland Jazz category. I’m crazy about Jazz that way so why not post a song that reflects that? So here’s “The World’s Jazz Crazy, Lord” with a vocal by Helen Violaris:

I’m going to fly back home again to Canada and post the next album from a strictly Canadian jazz band. This time it’s The Climax Jazz Band:

Here’s the video for “Bloor Street Breakdown”:

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I’m going to work a little backwards with tracks from this album because the final track is “Introductory Blues” and they introduce the members of the band. In my mind, that should have been the first track of the album.

The introductory track on side one is a song called “Tight Like That” which seems in keeping with a band with the word “Climax” in their name.

And now for something really novel. Here’s the album “The Madison Avenue Beat” by Lester Lanin and His Orchestra.

Or how about a combination of “Post; Dutch Masters; Mott’s; Tetley”? Cereal, Cigars, Apple Sauce and Tea? Yum!

This is what I call cool jazz. There are only six track on the album and they range from 4 minutes to 8 and a half. Give a listen to “Cool Grits” being the longest track on the album:

We don’t have any Ice Cream but we do have this great Quintet and if asked nicely “Please Mr. Jackson” they will kindly play the title track.

“Drumsticks – Trumpets – And Dixieland.” How’s that for a title? Unfortunately that’s about all you get with this album. Take a look at the front cover:

All of the other songs on this album are Dixieland classics so I’ll offer up the only song I didn’t recognize by title, “Late Date”:

Here’s another album with very few details. Here is “Golden Era of Dixieland Jazz”:

And finally “Birth Of The Blues”:

And now we come to the three albums I purchased last weekend. The first is the Dukes of Dixieland with “Come To The Cabaret”.

Here’s a little history about “The Dukes of Dixieland”:

Luckily, this album was released in 1967 so the musicians should mostly be the original members. As far as I know, this album has never been released on CD but there are a lot of fun tracks on this album. I’m going to start first with the last track, “Hellzapoppin'”:

Here’s a recommendation for everybody from the first track,”Don’t Sleep In The Subway”:

This is going to be another quick blahg. Russia needs to get out of the Ukraine! We need to support the Ukrainians any way we can and then later go after Putin for war crimes.

Little despots who try to annex other countries have always failed in the past.

The world is watching!!

The Weepies final shows EVER are coming up in January 2022!

Thank you for the support through the years. We’ll see you in the days ahead.

All the best to all of you.

Deb & Steve

Talan and Tannen got married in 2007 and had their first son in October that year.They went on to have two more sons later. They later divorced, which was finalized on New Year’s Day 2020

Tripredacus is composed of the three-member Tripredacus Council:

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